


Legacy of an Emperor

by roughknuckles, Saklani



Series: Legacy of an Emperor [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:30:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 229,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/roughknuckles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saklani/pseuds/Saklani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to the changes in his appearance made by Admiral Marcus, Khan Noonien Singh is rejected by his people.  Fortunately, James Tiberius Kirk is ready to give him a second chance aboard the Enterprise.  They will both change each other's lives dramatically and in unexpected ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome aboard another 200K collaboration between roughknuckles and Saklani! We borrowed an idea from the recent comic books based on ST:ID, in which Admiral Marcus alters Khan's appearance so as to prevent people from identifying him. And we ran with it from there. As the tags indicate, we ran a very long way. We hope you'll join us! 
> 
> All of the story now posted! Thanks everyone for coming along for another ride!

Khan had lived in this skin for so long now, he had forgotten what he looked like to casual eyes. He no longer resembled his portraits in Earth's history books, no longer looked like the famous Khan Noonien Singh. But Khan did not see himself as others saw him. He did not see the altered pigment of his skin, or the cruel cut of his hair, nor did he give much thought to the new antibodies swimming in his system now that he had forcibly been exposed to modern and alien diseases. It was therefore jarring to be seen as a white man, when his whiteness was a product of Admiral Marcus, a camouflage to hide the augment out in the open. But more than that, it was upsetting that his own people only saw the whiteness of his skin, the tampering he had endured, and not the man he still was under the surface.

It was just a body after all. A tool, a weapon, a vessel. His mind had not been altered, his sense of self; his heart still roared.

Or it did, once.

Initially, Khan had suffered six broken ribs, a punctured lung, a shattered pelvis, a shattered collarbone, his left arm broken in three spots, his right, in two. And he had bled enough to make his black hair look damp, obscuring his face almost beyond recognition. It had been a severe beating, a cruel one, meant to cause pain before the end. The other augments had been angry, enraged by the alternations their beloved leader had undergone. So, they sought to correct it, to strip Khan of Admiral Marcus's influence, to undo the way he had been reshaped. It meant killing him.

It meant two weeks in a bio-bed, healing by means of modern medicine and his own augmented abilities.

His family, those he loved most dearly, had rejected him. He was no longer loved. He was unwanted. He was dead to them. He was alone now. And there was no one to look to for comfort. Only a familiar cell. A cage he would have to endure, but no longer for the noble cause of saving his people, but because there was no alternative.

Collapsing to the floor of his cell when he was first brought there, Khan attempted to relieve himself of the pain, crying and screaming. His heart in his chest was heavy, and it crushed him, pulled him down. Everything he had done out of love, had not been enough. He was not enough. This was the most devastating blow Khan had ever known.

The question was, what would Starfleet do with him now. Would they hand him back over to Section 31? Or to someone far worse? Would they put him under? Or should he do that himself. By his own hands, succeed where his people had failed.

*            *            *

It was supposed to have been a last set of readings from the newly established colony; a final indication before the Enterprise ventured forth on her five-year mission that the augments were ready to embark on their own adventure- building a new life. Jim had fought for that moment, driven by the information that had been leaked from Section 31 as Starfleet dismantled it from the inside out and the memory of a single tear. Against the advice of many of his crew and closest friends, Jim Kirk had gone before the Federation Council and argued that the augments deserved another chance, a world of their own, away from the rest of the human race. And in that, he had succeeded, in some ways against his own expectations.

This last scan was supposed to be a moment of triumph.

Instead, it was a horrible clusterfuck.

All things were not well planetside. Specifically, all things were not well with Khan Noonien Singh. The readings indicated that he was being injured beyond all reason, and the inflictors of this punishment were the very people Khan had worked so hard to protect. His own damn family.

Jim had the augment beamed to Sickbay and ordered the Enterprise to leave orbit and head on their way. He called Bones, only to receive word that the augment had been taken to surgery. Nurse Chapel had informed him that Dr. McCoy looked a bit grim as they took the augment away, but that he left word that Khan’s injuries were not fatal.

Jim’s ensuing call to Starfleet had been unpleasant to say the least, but somehow, he persuaded them not to turn the Enterprise around, to allow them to take Khan on their five year voyage. And Jim had been so engrossed in making his case to Starfleet (and his crew) that he (almost) forgot to worry about the injured man. Besides, he trusted Bones to make sure that the augment recovered. Physically, at least. Mentally and emotionally would be another question.

That duty would lie with the captain of the Enterprise.

Two and a half weeks later, Jim squared his shoulders as he entered the brig, dismissed all of the on-duty officers with a wave of his right hand and proceeded straight to the only occupied cell. He wasn’t going to watch Khan tearing himself apart any longer ... he didn’t care what the ship’s counselor said, leaving Khan alone wasn’t working. His behavior screamed of agony, and Jim knew from personal experience that stewing in misery by yourself didn’t make anything better. He lowered the field, stepped inside the cell and closed it behind him, before slowly sitting cross-legged across from the augment. “Hello, Khan,” he said quietly.

Though Doctor McCoy and his medical team had physically healed Khan completely, the augment carried the muscle memory of his attack, he could still feel the hands of his people on him, expressing themselves in violence. He could still feel their anger towards him, their disgust at his altered state, their confusion and refusal to acknowledge him as the leader they once loved.

Khan was grieving. His people lived, and yet he had lost them. His people ... weren't his people any more.

The whites of his eyes were bloodshot, stained by tears that no longer fell. Hypersensitive in this state, Khan flinched at the light as he looked up, eyes sore as he attempted to keep Kirk in his sights. Under different circumstances, Khan would have been embarrassed to be seen in this state, but for the moment, he could not put on airs of strength he did not have.

He regarded Kirk quietly, uncertain as to why the man had joined him in his cage, why he was sitting on the floor with him, why he was speaking to him. But his questions were left unasked, as he could not even bring himself to address Kirk as 'Captain' in his usual sardonic way. Instead, Khan waited to hear Kirk and by extension, Starfleet's judgement upon him.

Jim assessed the way Khan looked and felt a pang at how far the mighty Khan had fallen under the weight of his family's betrayal. Because that’s what it had been. He then glanced around the sterile environment of the cell and made an instant decision.

“I was hoping you might be willing to move into your new quarters today. There’s an open space near me. Nothing too fancy, but it's a designated visitor’s quarters that we can give to you on a permanent basis, and it’s certainly nicer than this room. You don’t belong in the brig, and I don’t want to see you in here another minute. Will you come with me to see them?” He held out a hand to the augment, fingers curling in a beckoning motion.

Hoo boy, Spock and Bones were going to kill him when they found out about this, but Jim didn’t care. He needed to extend an olive branch to this man, find a way to reach him, and a kind first gesture seemed appropriate. Besides, he hadn’t been lying, Khan didn’t deserve to be locked up. If he had earned any punishment for past actions, it had been well and truly given to him.

The once great and mighty Khan had been reduced to the state of a shaking kicked dog. He shied away from Kirk's words, looking to the floor with a frown. He didn't belong here? He belonged in visitors quarters? He was now a guest on the Enterprise? Khan then stared at the offered hand, the way it invited Khan to reach out and touch was almost terrifying. But if nothing else, Khan was a chaotic mess of fearless and damage. He stood and gave his cage one last hesitant look, before he nodded at Kirk, consenting to this new arrangement.

“Good!” Jim said and stood to drop the forcefield and escort Khan out of the brig. He waved away the guards again at the entrance and said, “You can return to your regular duties,” before heading down the corridor with the augment. Every crewmember they saw, he greeted with his usual warmth and calm, demonstrating that nothing unusual was going on here. Many turned to watch them pass, and more than a few backed away from Khan, but nobody in any way embarrassed their captain or made any move to question what was going on. They trusted him, and it made Jim feel warm and fuzzy.

Still, he was more than grateful to reach their destination and open the door to Khan. “Here we are. Your new home ... at least for the next five years or so. I hope you like it.” He wandered into the middle to encourage Khan to follow and look around.

Treating Khan as not a threat in a way helped make it so. The ship's Captain didn't just walk corridors alone with a prisoner; a danger to the ship and her crew was not just left unattended or invited to roam the halls. So in this way, Jim was having an unspoken dialogue with Khan, implying that his position had changed. Which was true enough. Khan's position had changed so drastically since his people had condemned him, that he did not know where he stood anymore, anywhere.

But Kirk knew where he stood. Kirk had the respect and loyalty of his people. He had the answers.

"Five years?" Khan finally spoke, voice low and slightly raw. He had not used his voice much recently, and when he had, it had been in distress. "I am to travel with the Enterprise?"

“If you want,” Jim said. “If you’re dead set against it, we can look at other options. But I thought, given the circumstances, you might find traveling with us the best option. And there are plenty of opportunities for you aboard, if you care to exercise them. I know you have a diverse skill set, and there’s plenty needs doing. “You’d be a member of the crew, outside of Starfleet, of course. You’d have to follow regulations and my orders.” He looked to Khan and then said with quiet honesty, “I’d like very much for you to find a place on my ship, Mr. Singh.”

He held very still to await the augment’s decision, knowing this might be a critical moment for them both. The other man was badly wounded, wary and untrusting, with very little reason anyway to believe in the words of a Starfleet captain. “Please.”

Khan gave the room his attention, along with Kirk's words. There was order here. A bed, blankets folded. A desk, chair pushed in. Closet space, to keep clothing organized.

Starfleet. The Enterprise. Kirk. These were structures Khan had previously attempted to undermine and bring down. Giving them his allegiance was out of the question. And yet, Kirk was asking for just that. Asking a former enemy to join his crew. That seemed suspicious. Was this some sort of new tactic to manipulate him? Admiral Marcus had been very direct in his demands. Follow orders or his people would be killed. But now Kirk and the rest of Starfleet no longer had Khan's family as a bargaining chip to play. So, why manipulate him? What did Starfleet and Kirk still want with him?

And yet, there was an appeal to the offer. Not just the creature comforts, the bed, the privacy, the illusion that he was wanted, but the idea of following orders and regulations did not bother Khan as much as perhaps one would expect. In fact, that sort of hierarchy was something Khan was well familiar with. For a man who was once on top, but was now feeling displaced, a sense of structure was very appealing.

"I take orders from you?" He asked cautiously, needing a sense of where he stood.

“I am the Captain of this vessel,” Jim said quietly, “and I need you to follow my orders. As you integrate into the crew, which I hope you will want to do, we’ll find a place for you in the command structure as a whole. Formally, you can’t be a part of Starfleet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a role here, a place. We can work together to determine what tasks you might want to take on, how you want to contribute. You’re a brilliant man, and I want you to have the opportunity to use your brilliance on projects you want to do, not ones you’ve been forced into. Does that make sense?”

"You are the Captain." Khan repeated. For once, his tone did not reflect any sort of subtle mocking as he used the title. Instead, he repeated it as a means of reprogramming himself. Kirk was Captain. Kirk was leader. Khan was not the leader. However, the augment was still far from being at ease. "May I ask you, Sir-" he began, using the title as a form of respect and further acknowledging Kirk's authority, despite the fact that Khan was much older than the young Captain "-why you have decided to keep me aboard?"

“I wanted all of you to have a second chance,” Jim said. “You deserve one as much as anyone else. What good does locking you in a cell do?” He dropped his gaze, expression pained. “I’m so sorry that things went badly for you ... with your people. If you ever want to talk about it-” he lifted his gaze again, meeting Khan’s eyes firmly “-I’m always available to you. Hell, if you want to talk about anything, Khan, I’m here for you. That’s part of being captain, too. The welfare of my crew is my primary concern, and you’ve been part of this ship since we brought you aboard.”

Khan had never gone to others with his worries, his fears, his pain. And though Kirk's offer appeared genuine, he was not about to start now. The augment was still deeply shamed by how events had transpired, that he had been found unworthy. Khan turned his head to the side, staring firmly at the crease of two walls and the point at which they met. He was not yet done grieving, but showed restraint while Kirk was present. "You are aware then, of what happened?" Khan had no memory of how he had come to be on board the Enterprise, only a few conscious states in the biobed while he underwent surgery and long-term healing care.

“Only that you were hurt,” Jim said, expression and tone clearly projecting how unacceptable that was. “Why ... well, that’s for you to tell me if you ever want to. It’s none of my business otherwise. I brought you aboard for your protection, but I’ve offered you a place because I want you here, if you choose to stay. Starfleet took a few days to give me permission, which is why I didn’t have more contact with you after your release from Sickbay. I shouldn’t have waited, though. I’m sorry.”

"You have provided me with sanctuary, when the easy choice would have been to leave me." Khan swallowed, knowing he owed Kirk a thank you, even though part of him felt he should have been left to his own people's judgement. But now, Kirk was responsible for his life, not the other augments. "You have spoken in my defense ..." Sometimes the good in humanity truly was a marvel. "Thank you." His life had been worth saving. That was a start.

“You are most welcome,” Jim said, feeling that now was the time for formality. He looked over the other man and asked, “If I may, when was the last time you had anything to eat or drink? Would you care to join me for some lunch? We can stay in your quarters and just use the table.” He gestured to the object, tucked in a side of the room. “And we can talk about what comes next or just sit and eat quietly. Whatever you prefer.”

"I cannot recall," Khan answered the Captain's question. When he was still in the medical bay, he had been given intravenous supplements in favour of forcing the augment to eat. "But I do not have an appetite." Regardless of his words however, Khan needed to eat. And he needed the company. "May I sit, Captain?" Khan asked, finding it straining to put up a front of strength when he was barely held together by thin strands of willpower.

“Yes. Please do,” Jim said and despite Khan’s words, went to the replicator. He pulled up simple meals of sweetened oatmeal and steaming chai (he was taking a guess there) for them both. Carrying them over to the table, he placed bowl and cup in front of Khan and said, “Please eat with me. I hate to eat alone. And if you need, I’ll make that an order.” He took a chair across from the augment and dug into his own food, trying to set a good example.

The sweet, rich smell of chai made Khan's nostrils flare, eagerly drawing the familiar scent into his senses. The fact that Kirk was insisting by presenting Khan with food, and even gently threatening to make it an order, did in fact help. Reaching out for the cup of chai, Khan stroked his thumb along the side of the warm mug in thought.

Then abruptly, as if it were the easiest thing in the world, Khan began to speak openly. "Engineered humans, or augments, as is the common term, have extremely heightened senses. Sight. Sounds. Taste. Touch. Many first generations were highly empathetic too, sympathizing with others easily, reading human behaviours with ease. However, they found the experience too overwhelming and were considered failures to their creators. Too emotional. It inhibited them from their function. So the other senses were fine tuned, and empathy was all but a fleeting shadow." Khan continued to pet the side of his mug, words coming easily to him with this small comfort at his fingertips.

"My people ..." He paused, realizing he would have to cull himself of the habit of referring to them as his. They were not his people any more. "They are prime specimens of our engineering. As am I. However, I have been altered since they last knew me ... and it is an offense to the senses. A violation."

“So, you’re saying empathy was designed out of you,” Jim said, “and that they attacked you because Marcus fucked with your appearance?” He frowned and contemplated that for a few moments. “That doesn’t really explain you, nor does it pardon them for their actions. For such perfect specimens, they certainly showed a remarkable lack of wisdom. What sense does it make to attack one of your own over a change in skin color and facial structure? Your abilities are not lost- your strength, your intelligence, certainly not your fierce desire to protect them- and they threw all that away for nothing.” He took a sip of chai to try and calm himself, thinking being over emotional may not help the other man. “Whatever the reason, you didn’t deserve that, Khan, and I am sorry.”

"Consider Captain, you have a dog." Khan said, attempting to illustrate it in a way Kirk might understand as the augments did. "He is your favourite companion and you know everything about him. Then one day he is taken by the butcher and cut up into dozens of parts. And then those parts are sewn back together on another dog. It still has the heart and brain of your dog, and yet it's not the same." A firm frown settled across Khan's features. "The alterations done to me mean I no longer resemble the man they were loyal to. The way I look, the texture of my skin, even the way I smell, it tarnishes the memory of the leader they loved." Finally lifting the mug to his lips, Khan took a few slow sips. "That was the reason for the attack. That was why they preferred me dead."

Jim’s whole face screwed up at the description, and he said, “I sure as Hell wouldn’t kill the poor dog! The fault is with Marcus, the butcher ... if we’re sticking with this horrifying metaphor. But regardless, you didn’t deserve that, Khan.”

He forced himself to eat a spoonful of oatmeal, knowing he needed to continue to serve as an example to encourage Khan to continue his own breakfast. “You know that Starfleet dismantled all of the organizations that Marcus built up? The Federation Council is going to take over a much more aggressive supervision of all Starfleet activities to help prevent such a thing from ever happening again. Marcus did a lot of horrible things to a lot of people, it turns out, but I think he broke all his records with you, since you were not even known to exist, so you had nobody to turn to.” He scowled in memory of all the things he’d read and heard about Marcus doing.

The analogy wasn't sound. Instead of a man and his dog, Khan and his people were more like a pack of wolves, and Khan had been their alpha. And any weakness or fault in their leader needed to be destroyed. In this case however, Khan was getting a new chance. He was no longer leader, and the crew of the Enterprise were not wolves, they were a collective of varying personalities, rabbits and tigers, snakes and hawks, horses and antelope, coexisting as one pack, one herd, if one were to maintain the metaphor. All serving loyally under Captain Kirk.

Perhaps Khan could find a place among them.

As Kirk explained that the work Admiral Marcus pursued had been undone, Khan gave a simple nod. Starfleet's intervention had not saved him, or those before him, but there was some comfort in knowing it would not happen again. Almost a comfort at least, as Khan was still not entirely trusting. And yet he followed Kirk's lead, quietly eating a few mouthfuls of oatmeal.

Pleased, Jim dug in more heartily to his own breakfast, asking around the fifth spoonful, “Is this flavor to your taste? I find the replicator can handle these simpler meals pretty well, especially if you work at the programming. Feel free to explore the menu and see what meets your fancy. However, the primary place to eat meals is in the mess hall. There is the main one and one for the officers, though we don’t use it very often. When you feel up to it, I’d like to see you join in eating your meals there. But only when you’re ready.”

“And of course, please look at all the different options for where you might want to work,” he added. “I’ll take you on a tour of the Enterprise and introduce you to all the different departments, if you want.”

"It is suitable, Captain. Thank you." The oatmeal was just sweet and substantial enough to fill his stomach. It was simple, and did not require much effort to eat, nor any difficult decision on his part to make. He was uncertain about eating in the more public venue any time soon, though he could see Kirk was making a very insistent effort to include Khan in the ship's activities. Lifting his gaze from his bowl, Khan looked across the small table at Kirk. For a moment, an alarming voice at the back of his head questioned how it was he had come to follow Kirk here, accepting his help, and eating with him with such familiarity. But the voice faded, as he detected no threat, and his pride had been so crushed, that he was truly grateful for any company at all.

Jim frowned a little when Khan answered only his first question, but did not push the other man, thinking that was the wrong move at this time. He allowed a companionable silence for a few moments and then broached the topic from another angle, rather out of left field. “I’ve had a few bad nights, even aboard my Gray Lady, where I can’t sleep and I’m too restless and upset even to want to just hide in my room. And then I let my feet wander and take me where they will. Usually, I find myself in one of two places- the gym or the viewport in the smallest lounge, watching the stars. Have you had places like that, Khan, where you went for a moment’s peace?”

Allowing the memory to plow into him, Khan sat back in his chair. "Yes," he said quietly. It felt like several lifetimes ago. Khan sipped at his chai again, nearly finishing it. His mind drifted through long lost landscapes, secret companions, and late night walks under the stars. "Peace and quiet was rare. As I imagine it is for you, Captain." Since the topic mentioned moments of vulnerability, Khan was surprised to hear Kirk bring it up. But then something clicked in his understanding of the young captain- Kirk wasn't afraid to be seen as human. It was a simple, and very honest thing and somehow allowed Khan to relax in his presence. "Perhaps one of those nights, we might pass one another in the halls."

“Perhaps,” Jim said, “but I hope we interact more than on those occasions. No matter what you choose to do aboard the Enterprise, Khan, I’d like to be involved, if you don’t mind my presence.” He paused slightly, something occurring to him. “Say, what is your proper form of address? Or, more to the point, what would you like to be called? I want to use what you prefer. For instance, when we get to know each other better, and you feel comfortable with it, you can call me Jim. At least, off-duty. You’ll notice Dr. McCoy and I don’t stand on formality with each other, but that’s all right under my command style.”

When he had first surrendered himself to Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise, it had been such a relief to announce his true name and not be called by the designate Admiral Marcus had assigned him, John Harrison. "It is acceptable to address me as Khan." To him, it was a name and title, all in one, that he still identified with. And while Mr. Singh was formal and also a tolerable form of address, Khan did not enjoy the social implications. While Noonien was far too personal, as only his creator had ever called him by that name.

This was important information. Khan had previously overheard Doctor McCoy and Kirk speak to one another on familiar terms, even with a few other crewmen as well. At the time, Khan had been scandalized by the informal exchanges. But hearing Kirk now explain that this was the structure he preferred helped give Khan direction. A first name basis was encouraged. In time, he would adapt.

"How do you mean, involved, Sir?" Khan asked, stuck on that particular word. "How do you foresee my integration?"

“It never does anyone any good not to have some sort of role, some sort of contribution to make, and I think that applies to you even more than other people,” Jim said. “You are not a prisoner on my ship, Khan, and even though you can’t be a formal member of Starfleet, I still want you as part of the crew. With your mind, I’m sure you can contribute in a lot of different departments. But I want you to choose one for yourself. You can even do rotations to test run multiple departments, if that sounds more appealing. There are certain areas you can’t access as a non-Starfleet member, but those limitations are not that numerous. It may not be what you envisioned for your future, Khan, but I believe you can find a place on the Enterprise.”

"Yes, Captain." Kirk was right. Khan needed a role, a function. Something to get him through each day, where his presence mattered. Where his skills could be put to positive use, and he would not be allowed to collapse further in on himself. "I will rotate between departments, until we find a suitable fit," he said, finally agreeing to Kirk's optimistic notion that Khan could be a part of the crew. A good fit meant more than just where Khan enjoyed the work, it also meant scheduling the augment with crewmen who were not afraid to work with him.

“Excellent!” Jim enthused and did some quick thinking. “I’ll get you a list of all the departments and you can choose your top ten to do rotations in. There are many specialties, but I’ll talk to the head of each department that you mark about having you explore a lot of different projects, keep your mind busy. If there are any particular projects or areas that catch your eye, you’ll have to let me know, so we can factor that in. And I’ll need to talk to everyone about roles and responsibilities and respect …” He frowned a little at that one and glanced up at Khan. “And I’ll need you to talk to me if you aren’t being treated well. That’s an order.” He looked at the augment firmly. “I will not tolerate any abuse of any member of my crew, yourself included.”

Khan was slightly startled by Kirk's excitement. This was already far different from how Khan had been treated by Admiral Marcus. It was a comparison that would continue to resonate with the augment, since it had been his first encounter with humanity after three hundred years. But Kirk was proving himself very different. Khan's consent to work had been sought by Kirk; whereas consent had been disregarded by Marcus. And not only that, but Kirk recognized that Khan might encounter resistance from the crew of the Enterprise, and instead of ignoring any problems he might face as an outsider, the former enemy, Kirk was prepared to address them upfront. It was very promising.

"Yes, Captain."

“Good,” Jim said with a nod to Khan. “Now, would you like to do anything in particular today, while we start getting things into place? Maybe explore the ship a little? Choose a new wardrobe for yourself? Pick out a few objects from the Cargo Bay to personalize your quarters a little bit?” He was trying to be gently encouraging, but wouldn’t be surprised if Khan took the day to just wallow in some privacy. He knew he might choose to do the same in a similar position. After all, he had before.

Too many questions. Too many choices. "No ... thank you, Captain," Khan said, attempting to be polite, even though the ideas had almost immediately put him on edge. "What you are suggesting, though considerate of you, Sir, is more than I am prepared to face, today." With a firm clearing of throat, Khan then added, "It would make me uncomfortable to explore unattended, while my position on the Enterprise is still widely unknown."

“I understand,” Jim said with a nod. “But know, Khan, you wouldn’t be alone. I would gladly accompany you.” He picked up his empty bowl and mug to recycle and said, “Hey, look at that, you’re a good influence on me. I ate all my breakfast. Bones, uh, Dr. McCoy, would be so proud.” He smiled at the other man and said, “Unfortunately, I have to get to the Bridge soon. Feel free to comm me if you need anything. I’ll let everyone know about your status aboard this ship.” He headed for the door and then paused to look back. “Might I have dinner with you?”

Dinner? Khan looked up from the cold mug in his hands. The rest of him might be reluctant, but there was part of his brain that knew what was good for him. Scheduling an event, even as simple as dinner, and not too far ahead in the future, gave Khan something to look forward to. An obligation, a promise, he would meet. His heart was still heavy with recent events, but forcing himself to make this commitment meant stepping away from his grief for an hour or two. "Yes, Captain." He stood formally, since Kirk was about to depart. "Thank you."

“I look forward to it,” Jim said and meant it. He gave an acknowledging nod to the augment and added, “Take care of yourself until then. I’ll see you at nineteen hundred hours ... and I’ll bring the food.” He strolled out of the quarters and headed for the Bridge, planning what exactly he was going to tell his Senior Staff and crew about the new position of their former prisoner and new responsibility.

*            *            *

It was a long and difficult day for Khan. But a few things made it slightly bearable. Firstly, the complete privacy of his new room. He could collapse to the floor in tears, sob and hide his face in blankets until he gave himself a headache, then remain on the floor for another few hours to recover, and all the while not worry about being interrupted or watched. This time of mourning was his own. Also, the lights could be dimmed at his command. A simple enough thing that the former prisoner had no control over before now.

For a while, Khan had stood by the closed door and listened to people talk in the hallways as they walked by. He wasn't after the details of the conversations, instead he was listening to the tones friends used with one another, or disagreements between professional adversaries. It had been one of the comforts Khan had been looking forward to, hearing his people talk, to be surrounded by their voices once more. But after a time, Khan gave up on this. There was no satisfaction in it, no mistake that the people outside his door were all strangers to him, not family.

Jim spent the majority of his day in debate. Everyone on the Senior Staff had an opinion about his allowing Khan to travel as a passenger and crewmember, instead of a prisoner, and most of them were opposed. (Scotty was the surprising yeah vote, but he may have had ulterior motives. He had seen Khan's designs for the Vengeance, after all.) Still, with every heated discussion, Jim became more certain of his decision. His arguments got tighter every time, though he’d started with the hardest two. Both Spock and Bones had taken up over an hour of his shift, and though he was certain they weren’t convinced of his being right, they understood his determination and that there was no talking him out of it. And invariably, all of them showed their loyalty by volunteering to work with Khan. Jim’s chest swelled with pride by the end of shift with how much his officers cared about their ship...and amazingly, him.

By the time dinner time began to approach, Jim was more than ready to eat (having missed lunch time during his discussion with Sulu) and headed to the mess to select a freshly made meal for himself and Khan. He considered carefully the selection and decided to focus on comfort foods, choosing macaroni and cheese, noodle soup, fried green tomatoes, vegetarian curry, biscuits, spring rolls and both buttermilk pie and fruit tart. He topped this off with large glasses of milk and a mug each of chai (for Khan) and coffee (for himself). He carried these items on a giant tray, all the way to Khan’s door, where he rang to request entrance.

Answering the door himself rather than having it open automatically, Khan met Kirk at the entrance to his room. Glancing down at the tray of food he carried, Khan was somewhat surprised by how much he had brought along. "Captain." Khan raised the levels of a few lights in the room, offering Kirk a clear way from the darkness Khan had been enjoying. "Do you require assistance?"

“Just a clear path to the table if you please,” Jim said. “I thought we could eat off the serving plates themselves, share between us. I remembered you don’t eat meat, so everything here is vegetarian. Not vegan though, but you use dairy, so I thought that was okay. For myself, I’m glad I’m not allergic to dairy on top of everything else. Life without macaroni and cheese would just be sad.” He set the tray on the table carefully, proud not to have lost even a dribble of milk.

Picking up several of the blankets he had dragged and draped across the floor, Khan dropped them in a heap at the end of his bed. "Thank you for respecting my dietary observations, Captain." Then taking the same position he had that morning, Khan sat, looking over the items Kirk had brought with him. "This is quite a lot of food," he admitted, feeling uncertain about eating so much.

“Yeah, I know,” Jim said. “I decided to go for a variety, so you could eat whatever you preferred. And these are what I consider, uh, comfort foods. Things I tend to eat when I’m feeling down, you know?” He took a seat, picked up his fork and smiled at Khan. “Dig in!” he examined again all of his own choices and took a first bite of macaroni and cheese. “Mmm. Yeah, this is amazing. I don’t know what cheeses are used, but they’re delicious!” He took another heaping bite of the melty goodness. “I hope some of these appeal to you, Khan.”

Though the curry and even cheese smelled comforting, of the choices, the noodle soup seemed the most manageable for the time being. Pulling the bowl a little closer to himself, Khan spooned in a few mouthfuls of the broth. He ate quietly, but the point was, he did eat. Jim's attitude made it difficult to be sour, even if he was still quite reserved. "You have been very accommodating, Captain." Khan said after a while. "I had no reason to expect such kindness." He added by way of thanks, knowing his position could have turned grim in other hands.

Jim said, “Well, it’s time to change all of that,” with firm sincerity. He picked up a spring roll and happily munched on it, dipping it in his bowl of sauce before each bite. “I want you to know that all of my senior officers volunteered to work with you, should you choose any of their departments or specializations for a rotation or for a permanent position. Honestly, Scotty was almost salivating at the idea.” He took a big drink of his milk and licked off the white mustache unashamedly.

At the mention of Mr. Scott, the memory of the engineer on the Vengeance came back to him. He had proved himself quite brave, though showed hesitance when it came to violence. Which Khan would later be thankful for, once he learned Mr. Scott's role in refusing to accept the torpedoes with Khan's people inside, aboard the Enterprise. "Thank you, Captain, for speaking on my behalf." Defending, supporting, even protecting Khan in this way was certainly not an easy position to take. With his hands on the edge of the table, on either side of the bowl of soup, Khan just looked down, his expression shifting between a frown one moment, then something calmer after a sigh. "It has been a long time since I have had an ally. I may not always remember to thank you for it, but my gratitude is sincere."

“I believe you,” Jim said quietly, “and you don’t have to thank me for it, Khan. If we can, I’d like to forget the past between us and forge a new relationship without any of that baggage.” He carefully nudged some of the curry toward Khan and said firmly, “You need to eat more. Please have some of the curry, unless it’s truly inedible to you.” He demonstrated his own appreciation for the dish by picking out a few of the vegetables and eating them. “Besides, you can’t have your dessert if you don’t eat your dinner, and trust me, you don’t want to miss out on the buttermilk pie. Apparently, Bones gave chef the recipe. It’s incredible...for a pie without fruit.”

"It is a marvel, the way you speak. Conversation comes easily to you, even in the form of nonsense. I am finding it quite disarming." Khan admitted, intended it to be a compliment. He looked to the curried vegetables, but could barely manage to keep his focus on the plate for very long. It upset him somehow. All of it did. Yet there was no logical reason for it. "Will you keep talking?" he asked, hot tears suddenly gathering in his eyes. "Please, Captain. About anything at all."

Jim swallowed a lump in his own throat and focused on Khan’s first sentence. “You’re not the only one to tell me that I babble sometimes. Especially when I get nervous, though I’ve gotten better with practice. Besides, I learned that throwing up a confusing smokescreen of words sometimes deflects people from probing too deeply into things you don’t want them to. And making smalltalk can be very useful in diplomatic situations, too, especially to defuse tension or when you need to pet someone’s ego.”

Trying to maintain the pretense and let Khan take whatever time he needed, Jim grabbed one of the biscuits, not wanting them to go to waste. He lathered it with a bit too much butter and then, after a moment’s consideration, popped a fried green tomato between the two halves. “Always need to be open to trying something new, right?” he asked, showing the creation to Khan. “Since hamburger’s not on the menu, let’s see how this does.” He took a huge bite and chewed contemplatively, before grinning. “This is actually really good. Please, try something more.” He widened his blue eyes to their most ridiculous extent and used them on Khan plaintively.

Listening to his words and focusing on his easy tone, Khan managed to show restraint over the sudden swell of emotion that had struck him. It had been unexpected and embarrassing, but thankfully Kirk drew no further attention to what Khan was going through. Forcing a deep breath through his nose, Khan then reached forward for the same supplies, copying Kirk as he made a tomato burger for himself as well. After a bite and chewing, Khan gave a quiet sniff of one nostril. The taste and texture was actually quite satisfying.

Jim beamed at him and said, “Right! Surprisingly good. Bones is so going to laugh at me when I confess that I like these fried green tomatoes. They were the closest I could get to a few of the items I would eat for comfort foods. But I’m an infidel who still eats meat, including cows and pork. I know, it’s terrible, but I grew up in Iowa! We were farmers! Well, it was a farm...despite the fact that my mother is a devotee of the stars, the overall Kirk family still maintains a family farm. Though, it’s kind of neglected now by the Kirks. Fortunately, there’s a good caretaker there. It’s funny, when I was growing up, I couldn’t wait to leave and didn’t care less what happened to the place. But now...I don’t know, it’s like it’s nice to know that something that’s been in the family so long remains. The Kirks purchased that land since the 1920s, before the Great Depression.”

The polite, socially acceptable thing would have been for Khan to ask questions, to make comments and help further the conversation. But right now, getting the broken-hearted man to eat would have to be enough of an accomplishment, rather than getting him to talk, too. He was a good listener however, taking in the facts regarding Kirk's family with a slight nod to express his understanding. The one-sided conversation was a pleasant distraction, giving Khan a chance to eat the tomato sandwich from start to finish with further upset.

Jim was glad to see the augment eat and continued to blather innocuous things about his hometown and the farm and Iowa to keep up the words Khan seemed to need. He was pleased at the progress and cut up the large piece of buttermilk pie into two large portions, one for each of them. “You haven’t had your milk yet,” he said, “so you can drink it with this pie. They really are a good match. I was dubious the first time I tried it, but Bones was right, it’s delicious.” He cut off a large chunk and popped it in his mouth. “Yummy.”

Not fond of milk, as it had not been a staple he grew up with, Khan took a sip to be polite and because Jim directed him to. However, as he accepted the serving of dessert, Khan placed his fork on the edge of the plate, not quite ready to eat. Sitting untouched between the two of them was the cup of coffee and the cup of chai that Kirk had also brought along to dinner. Reaching forward, Khan let his fingers touch the mug of chai as he made eye contact with Kirk, in a way asking permission to take the drink. When his move went unchallenged, Khan pulled the drink closer to him on the table and poured a bit of the milk in the mug to top it off, making the chai a little creamier. It was only then that Khan then picked up his fork and began to eat the buttermilk pie, one small serving after another.

Jim took his coffee and poured some milk and then some sugar into it, digging more into his own pie. “I can’t indulge in this kind of meal too often,” he confessed. “Bones would kill me. But sometimes, you just need to eat what makes you feel good. Also, I doubt your metabolism will have any difficulty with it.” He sipped his coffee with deep satisfaction. “This will keep me up for hours. Help me get through all my paperwork. They don’t tell you how much of being a captain has to do with filling in forms. And I can’t use my poor Yeoman as any more of a secretary than she already is.”

“So, I was hoping to make at least one meal a day with you a kind of tradition and wanted to ask if you’d prefer that to be breakfast or dinner,” Jim said. “I figure they both have advantages, so the final choice is in your hands. Of course, we can always alternate weeks or something, too, if we want to try both.”

A flare of worry and suspicion pressed into Khan's thought again. Why was Kirk being so kind to him? What did he want? Why would he dedicate so much time to a single individual, to him, everyday? What benefit was it to him? Khan would have to be patient and try to be prepared for the day when Kirk showed his hand. Khan was untrusting. Even though the other part of him knew that Kirk was nothing like Marcus. It was confusing. After all, his trust had already been recently betrayed.

"If you truly have time to take dinner with me, Captain. I will not refuse the company."

“Dinner it is,” Jim said with a firm nod of his head. “For the time being, I’ll come to your rooms...or maybe you’d like to see mine? It’s just a little ways down the hall. In fact, a few doors. I should show you, when we’re done, so you know where to come if you need someone to talk to or just be with for awhile.” He smiled at the other man hopefully and waited for a reply, even though his guest was not very verbal. Indeed, he worried quite a bit about Khan’s silence, knowing it to a be a symptom of his sorrow.

"Yes, I suppose in the event of an emergency I should know the location of your room." Khan said somewhat formally. "But I have no wish to intrude or consume your valuable time." He could not foresee himself going to Kirk's door, asking for help, seeking out companionship, even at his lowest, when he perhaps needed it most. On the one hand, Khan was grateful and had even verbalized his thanks for what Kirk was doing for him, but on the other he was mistrustful and stubborn. The augment was not accustomed to sharing his pain with others, even though he was a genuine mess, confused and unstable.

“Good, once we’re done here, I’ll show you,” Jim said, glad of the positive response. “But there’s no rush. All I have to look forward to tonight is paperwork. I’d be much gladder of some company for a little while longer, if you’re willing. Of course, if you want some rest or to be alone, I’ll head back as soon as we’re done.”

No, the lonely and displaced augment did not want to be alone. Nor did he want to be seen struggling through his moods of grief. After almost every breath, Khan felt on the verge of tears. It was sinking in, he would never see his people again. And not because they were dead at the hands of Marcus or Starfleet, but because they wanted nothing to do with Khan in their lives. He would never see them thrive in peace, share in their happiness and freedom, watch them build a new life for themselves and raise children. Retreating a little inside himself again, Khan nodded. "Yes, Captain." Drinking a bit more of his chai, Khan managed a deep breath and sigh. "It may be mutually beneficial to distract one another for a little while longer."

“Exactly the way I see it,” Jim said with a bright grin. “Might I entice you for a stroll through the Enterprise? Or maybe we could go to the botanical garden and enjoy the roses? Or go look at the stars, like I described before?” He sipped at the coffee and considered a moment. “Or if you prefer, we could sit and talk awhile longer. I might tell you more about my own path to Starfleet, if that interests you. Or I could just tell you about the present, anything you want to know.”

"I cannot offer you much by way of conversation at this time, Captain." Khan said honestly. And really, explaining that he wasn't much for talking was about as much Kirk would get out of him anyway. "Perhaps you could tell me, where we are going. What are your currently scheduled missions." He asked, feeling that was a logical line of questioning. He should know about where they were going, what planets they intended to explore.

"Yeah, sure," Jim said energetically, always eager to talk about their voyage. "You know we're on a five-year mission to explore beyond where any Starfleet ship has gone before. And for the moment, we're headed out into the black, beyond where we've ever been before. It will take us some week or so to reach the extent of previously explored territory. After that...well, we don't know, honestly. That's the excitement of it! We could find anything. When we reach the boundary, we'll have to sweep the area and decide which way to go. Five years!" He resisted bouncing in his seat, knowing that was not kind behavior around Khan right now.

"Five years," Khan repeated back. That was quite an investment. The Enterprise would be on their own. They would have to make friends along the way, because no one would be coming to their aid if something went wrong. "Deep space will have much to offer your science teams over a period of five years." It was brave of them, the crew of the Enterprise, to be so dedicated to their work, so willing for adventure, so confident in Starfleet and their Captain to make such commitment with their lives. "And you have no hint of what you might encounter?"

"A little, from deep space probes, but nothing more," Jim said, eyes wide with the promise of their future explorations. "What manner of species we might meet or wonders we might explore, we know nothing more than the barest hints. Would you like to see what little we know? I can give you that data." He felt a spark of hope that he might entice interest in Khan, at least of the scientific kind.

"Yes, I admit I am curious." His time in captivity had not allowed Khan to experience many of humanity's achievements. Sure, he had been confronted with a wealth of new technology to stimulate his brain, but it had nothing to do with things humans dreamed about or were inspired by. But a lone radio signal reaching out through abandoned space, or a probe with complex DNA traces hoping to inspire first contact, or a moon that sang a new tune whenever it gathered a new piece of space debris into its orbit, those were the things that motivated humans to experience something new, to explore, to learn. And if humans were still ready to learn, rather then be complacent with their technology or their way of life, then so could Khan be.

“Cool! I‘d love to get your opinion on it all, if you’re willing to share,” Jim said. “Based on the preliminary data, there appears to be a system mostly full of small planets that are rich in mineral deposits of all sorts, some of which may be useful for mining, as there appears to be no life. On the other hand, there’s a much smaller solar system with two tiny planets that each may have life at different stages. Sensor readings indicate neither to be technologically advanced, but possibly one could be in a stage similar to our Iron Age. Either of those would be appropriate ways to begin our deep space mission.” And whichever one we choose, we may never get back to the other...who knows?”

"I imagine you will have many such choices to make during your five year mission." Khan said, though he refrained from giving his initial observation on the choice, since he did not have all the information. His interest faded somewhat as his thoughts returned to his people, and the choices they were making, without him. The choice they had made to eliminate him. But Kirk and the Enterprise had saved him, and now he was to live in exile. A firmly grim expression remained on Khan's face. There was no distracting him from the betrayal and heartbreak.

“Tomorrow morning, then, I’ll send the data,” Jim said and studied Khan’s face, noting how drawn it was. “But for now, I’ll recycle the rest of our dinner- well, I’ll leave some of the nibbles- and let you get some rest. I’ll be back for dinner tomorrow for sure. And feel free to call on me, if you need anything.” He headed for the replicator with the rest of the food and then the door. “Sleep well, Khan.”

"Yes, Sir." This time Khan could not bring himself to stand, to see Kirk off. Instead he remained in his chair until he was alone again, body slumped forward, Khan trembled and shook as he gave in to another cycle of crying to himself. With hot tears burning down the side of his face, Khan was desperate for relief from the pain he was feeling. After a few hours, his body was exhausted from the stress, and he managed to sleep the remainder of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

The week to their true point of departure went by swiftly, and Jim enjoyed the planning they did along the way. They had decided, after much discussion, to pursue the mineral rich system as a good (and hopefully, easy) first mission. There was much to be learned of potential value to the Federation, and it would give the various departments a chance to work together and learn each other a little better. 

But one thing troubled Jim greatly- Khan. He had hardly roused from his deep depression, and though Jim understood, he knew he could not allow the other man to continue to wallow. And so, he called in a favor from Bones and after receiving a rather long series of rules, he carried something he hoped might assist Khan to the augment’s quarters. He rang the door and waited, item tucked comfortably in his hand, for the other man to answer. Since he was not on until Gamma shift, he had time for a good conversation and interaction with Khan.

Soft footsteps approached the door from the other side, there was hesitation, then the door opened. Standing just to the side, Khan left room for Kirk to pass through the threshold. "Captain," he said quietly. Except for Kirk's visits, Khan barely opened his mouth to speak. And even though he was not a prisoner, more often than not, he elected to remain in the privacy of his room. 

“Khan,” Jim said, equally softly, and with a warm smile, walking into the other man’s quarters and stopping near the middle. “I’ve brought you something, Khan, which I hope might help brighten your days.” He held out the item in his hand, which cooed adoringly at them both. “This is Pomphrey, the tribble.”

"A gift?" Kirk had saved his life, spared him from imprisonment, had given precious time to keep him company everyday, and now this. A gift. Reaching out, Khan picked up the tribble with both hands, cupping it in his large palms. Almost instantly, the chirps and cooing sent subtle, soothing vibrations through his body. And as he held it closer, tension in his chest began to unknot, allowing the augment to breathe a little easier without being reduced to tears. 

Jim smiled as the chestnut ball of fur rumbled and trembled in Khan’s hands, spreading love with every action. “Tribbles are probably the sweetest creatures in the known universe,” he said, “and Pomphrey is all for you, Khan. He, well, I call him a he, but tribbles are all female, really. Anyway, tribbles are pretty easy to care for. The main thing is not to feed them more than once a week and only a few pellets of the special food Bones devised for them. They get pregnant if you feed them enough and pop out ten tribbles at a go. So, unless we want a plague of tribbles, we have to be careful. Otherwise, all they want is companionship and petting. If you allow, Pomphrey will sleep near you, sit on your lap, rest on your shoulder, cuddle next to you, as close as you let him do any of those things, and just be happy that way. All Pomphrey wants is to be your friend.” 

This was exactly what Khan needed. Something he could care for, and it would adore him for it. The tribble would listen to Khan without judgement, and provide him with company in his self-imposed isolation. Even the thought of a plague of tribbles cracked his sombre attitude, earning Kirk an amused scoff. And like a child with a new toy, Khan knelt, right in the middle of the room where he had been standing. Holding the tribble on his lap, Khan kept his eyes down on the creature, cradling it with one hand and petting it with the other. "Thank you, Captain." 

Jim sat right down with Khan, though he was cross-legged, with his elbows balanced on his knees. “You laugh now, but I’ve seen what a horde of hungry tribbles can do. Still, they are the best pets.” He watched the augment interact with the ball of fur with a warm smile, gratified at how much improved Khan looked even after these few moments. The creature engaged his interest and provided positive interactions via its incessant purring and shaking in pleasure. “We can set up Pomphrey’s sandbox and a little terrarium, too, if you want one. The sandbox is so he can roll in it...which is one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen. Bones thinks it’s a way of cleaning their fur. They don’t produce any waste...which is totally bizarre. Everything extra they consume goes straight to making babies.”

"Yes, a terrarium will keep him safe and from getting lost when I am unable to attend to him." Khan said, invested instantly in the care and maintenance of the tribble. But also it served as a subject Khan could talk about easily. It wasn't about his displacement from his family, or trying to accept a new home on the Enterprise, this was something completely neutral. And purring. 

Jim looked all over Khan’s rooms and mused aloud, “The first decision to make is where to put it and how large it should be. You have plenty of room and placing it with some prominence will allow you to watch Pomphrey when you can’t have him out and also greet him when you come in for the day. Or you could put it somewhere to give him privacy...not that I believe tribbles really need that. As long as you’re not letting them pop out the little tribbles.” He returned his gaze to the augment, hoping to find him considering the options.

Khan lifted his head, only now noting that the other man had joined him on the floor, then began to envision the terrarium he had in mind in different areas of the room. After a few minutes, he verbalized his answer. "I would like to pull the desk away from the wall, and build an enclosure to match it in height and length. It can then be placed against the wall, and the desk in front of it. Allowing privacy on two sides of the terrarium, and allow me to watch Pomphrey while I am at my desk."

“Oh! You’d like to build the terrarium! What an awesome idea! We can get something temporary for while you work on it. I know exactly where you can work to build the terrarium! Do you want to see? Please say yes! It’ll be very private, but it’s a good space for all kinds of work, if you want to use it.” Jim was almost vibrating as much as the tribble, wanting to hop up and show Khan the space now. He wanted to hook Khan with the idea, give him a reason to venture from his quarters, but to another place where he might feel safe and not spied on.

"Yes, Captain. It seems I am in need of a workspace." Khan said, not thinking too much on the fact that it would take him out of his comfort zone. "If you have the time, Sir, yes, I would like to go, and know what supplies are available to me." After all, he did not want to take materials that were intended for someone else. But this was good for him, the project gave Khan a reason to use his brain, other than to focus in on himself. Plus, taking care of a creature, even as simple as a tribble, provided him with a sense of relief. His role of caretaker was once more being honoured. A life (regardless of how small) was depending on him. 

“I have time right now,” Jim said and not one to let opportunity pass by, took Khan by the free hand, urged him up. “Let’s take Pomphrey with us. He can hang with you while you work anyway. We’ll get him a small traveling case to stay in while you build him a place.” He headed out the door, brooking no resistance and glad to get none (cause honestly, what could he have done if Khan balked?), and led Khan to the nearest turbolift. “We have an area on the Enterprise of small labs for people’s personal projects. When you’re going to be in space so long, people need places to work on things not just for their actual jobs. I’ll have one assigned for you to use on this and other projects that touch your fancy.” He got off on deck seven and weaved easily down multiple corridors to a long hall of identical doors. He went into the first one, which was a small office that housed a terminal, but not much else. “Let’s see what we got.” He took a seat and pulled up information on the available spaces. “What lab space has what you need?”

The last time Khan had been touched, well, it wasn't really touch at all, at the time he was being manhandled and attacked. But it was his most recent experience with physical contact, until now. The touch had been unexpected, but Khan did not fight it. Kirk was the Captain. He had status. Khan did not. Not any more. He followed along as directed, keeping the tribble partially in the palm of his hand and against his forearm. The animal continued to murmur its pleasure in Khan's arms, not minding where it was going, as long as it was being handled.

Looking over the electronic spreadsheet of available workrooms, including tools and supplies held within, Khan noted, "Number nine appears to have what I require."

“Number nine,” Jim said and put in Khan’s name and a few months of time when the lab would be reserved for him. “I’m going to put in a code for you to use as your entry- Pomphrey. Perfect. Let’s go check it out.” He led the way to the number nine lab and put the tribble’s name in the keypad, which then allowed them access to the room.

It was a fairly large, mostly bare room, well big enough for construction of small to medium sized projects. On one end was a workbench, next to which was a wall of tools, plus a small kit full of them, as well. There was a sink, a recycler, a small replicator and a couple of chairs. 

“What do you think?” Jim asked, walking around the room. “I’ve only ever checked one or two of these rooms out to see their specs...never used one for anything.”

"Lights, dim." Khan ordered the computer, which then dimmed the overhead light a few shades from the default sharp brightness that seemed programmed for the room. After keeping his own room dark for so many days, the brightness of the lab was quite the contrast, and truly not necessary for the sort of work he intended. "Yes, Captain. This will do." Khan said, looking over the workbench, ensuring that the items that had been listed on the screen outside were in fact present in the room. 

Jim blinked at the sudden change in lighting and watched as Khan checked out his new tools and surroundings. Pomphrey purred away on one of Khan’s hands, filling the room with a cheerful noise. “I hope it all meets to your satisfaction,” he said and approached Khan slowly. “These labs have nice sound systems, so you can play music while you work, if you like. I think tribbles like music...maybe not heavy metal.” He lightly bumped Khan’s right side with his left, a gentle greeting.

Not understanding this greeting, Khan stepped aside another few inches. He was deferring to Kirk, quietly acknowledging the Captain's power and privilege, showing that he wasn't going to fight. It made him uncomfortable, but he no longer stood his ground. He yielded. His people had broken him in that way, too. "Yes, Captain." Khan was quiet again for a moment, letting the tribble address his anxieties, the gentle vibrations of its purring soothing his nerves. 

Jim frowned a little as Khan moved away from him and said, “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to push you away.” He noted how Khan contemplated the little animal and reached out for himself to very gently stroke the tribble’s closest side, which ramped up the noises and vibrations in proportion to the touches. “He is kind of hypnotic,” he affirmed in a contented voice, soothed, too.

"It's a very symbiotic relationship. It is similar to a variety of thought beast, or an empathic animal." Khan said, stepping a little closer to Kirk, bridging the gap between them so that he could pet the tribble in his hands with shared ease. "It's not that my mind is filled with happy thoughts ... it's just not constantly full of sad ones."

“Well, that’s a good start then,” Jim said. “And every improvement must begin somewhere, so why not with a ball of fur that purrs and wiggles?” He continued to stroke the tribble, but then also dropped his hand to lightly squeeze Khan’s. “And with us, Khan. I’d also like to be your friend. I may not be as cute or comforting as Pomphrey, but I can be just as loyal.” 

As Khan's fears and mistrust flared up, so did the tribble. It was doing it's job, it was keeping the peace. Humming loudly when Khan first showed signs of stress, the effect had a direct link on the augment's nervous system, as powerful as any drug. It kept him stable. It kept him honest. "Yes, Jim. I would like that too." 

“I’m glad, Khan,” Jim said with a gentle brush of his fingers over Khan’s again. “And thank you for using my first name.” He allowed them both a few more minutes to just enjoy the tranquility and then asked, “Would you like to get some materials, so you can start work on Pomphrey’s terrarium as soon as possible?”

"Yes, that would be ideal. Thank you." Khan still didn't know why the Starfleet Captain was so intent on reaching out to him, but for this moment, he let it be. Kirk wanted to be his friend...and it only then occurred to the augment that he had never had a friend before. Other augments, his family, yes. People he unwillingly served, yes. People who had fallen under his protection, yes. People he had ruled. But friendship had never been a factor. How did people make friends? And once they made, them, how did they keep them? For how long? Was the benefit mutual? To what advantage was friendship over colleagues or acquaintances? And though Khan kept petting the tribble, Pomphrey had no answers other than to purr and ease his feeling of uncertainty and instability. 

“Want to do any research on tribble needs?” Jim asked and moved to the console on the workbench, turning it on and then asking it about specs for a tribble habitat. A variety of options appeared, from simple to complex. Jim thought Khan might appreciate something more intricate to more fully utilize his mind and hands and pointed out a two-tiered structure that looked rather fun to him. “A tribble would be lucky to have such a place to play.”

After Kirk drew up the initial information, Khan continued to navigate on his own. Though he did so at a relatively slow pace, as he used only one hand to scroll through the information, as the other kept a hold on the tribble, close at his side. While it would have been easier to put the animal down, or give it to Kirk for the time being, Khan kept his therapy pet close. It was perhaps evidence enough that he needed this connection, as basic as it was. And maybe even, too, after these past few days, months, and years of emotional and physical stress, with the help of a simple tribble, he was letting go of some of the weight that had been relentlessly bearing down on him. "Yes, I think I shall base it off this design," he said, finding a modern edged, tiered structure that appealed to him. 

Jim hummed agreement and then said, “Alright, let’s request the correct materials from our Commissary. Wouldn’t think we’d need a Commissary anymore, right? But we still have to use about five officers to keep on top of all our stuff and make sure the computers track everything properly. By the time we get all the way down to where their offices are, next to the largest Cargo Bays, they should have this ready to transport for you. Once we verify everything is correct, they’ll just send it here for you to work on at your leisure. Cool, huh?”

Khan ordered a little extra metal then what was called for, though not too much to be regarded as alarming or concerning. He had a plan for it that colored a touch outside the lines from the designs Kirk had drawn up. "Thank you ... uh ... yes." Khan had intended to call the other man by his title, as observing such formalities was still very ingrained into his behaviour. But Kirk had been pleased by his attempt at familiarity earlier when he had called him Jim. Still, it didn't feel natural to his tongue and he had been unable to repeat it. 

Jim gave him a slightly goofy look and then beamed, eyes bright. “Let’s go get the makings for Pomphrey’s new digs. He’ll be so excited.” He trailed fingers over the tribble’s back, stepped away from augment and animal and then walked slowly to the door. “I’m pretty excited for him.” He glanced back once to make sure Khan was following and then led them into the halls of the Enterprise again, walking to the nearest turbolift again. “Getting a bit of exercise this way, huh? I mean, it’s not a horrible lot, especially for you, but there are a lot of halls and a lot of places to go on the Enterprise. It also reminds me, I wanted to invite you to use the Officer’s Gym, if you want. There are a lot of different exercise machines and such to use, and if you go during alpha shift, there are usually very few people in there.” 

"I would hardly call walking down the hallway, exercise, Sir." This time Khan did use the social modifier to show that he was not meaning his words to be disrespectful. In time, he might walk the halls unaccompanied, to become familiar with the ship, but certainly not as a means of exercise. "But thank you for the invitation. I may need it," Khan said, then added, "Though the Enterprise has a very streamline design, it is still an enclosure...compared to the vast landscapes and clear skies I was expecting to spend the rest of my life under." It was said with relative ease, without tears or sorrow, but as a matter of fact. Khan had been looking forward to spending his days with the earth under his feet and wind in his face. But now, artificial lights and artificial temperatures would have to do. 

Jim laughed softly at the augment’s response, the normal cadence of his words, with their underlying superiority. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t.” He sobered at the rest, though, saddened again by Khan’s loss. “I know. I can only promise that I’ll try to get you some time on other planets, so you don’t have to be aboard always. At the very least, you’ll get to share shore leave with us. But I’m hoping you might consent to being part of away teams. We’re going to do an awful lot of exploring. And we’ll definitely get you access to the gym, so you at least have a place to use some of your energies. Show off, if you like.” He kinda thought Khan maybe wouldn’t like. “Or just exercise on your own, when nobody’s there to bother you.”

"I am grateful for any liberties you are able to extend to me." Khan said. Still far from happy, but he was at last becoming accepting of his situation. "Including a position among an away team as the situation allows." However, he made no comment regarding the use of the gym. He would explore and use it when he was ready, and likely at a time when few others were on shift, as no, he was not interested in being on display, being watched. 

“Khan, there is no end to the experiences you can have as a member of this crew,” Jim said. “In fact, I’d like to include you in the discussion on the series of small planets we’re planning to explore as our first mission. You and I could just sit down together, or you can join one of the larger planning sessions. Whatever you feel comfortable doing...if either.”

The turbolift stopped, and Jim stepped off, heading for the small Commissary office. “This is fun. I hardly ever have an excuse to come down here or talk to these members of my crew. You’ve presented me with a nearly unique opportunity.” He walked to the end of another long corridor and then entered a tiny office, where one, young Tellarite sat. 

She jumped to her feet and saluted the captain. “Sir! Uh, we’re just getting the rest of your, er, Mr. Khan’s request, Sir.”

“At ease, Ensign,” Jim said with a wave of his hand. “May I have the requisition and then we can check it?” He took the PADD and then handed it to Khan.

The calmer side of Khan's brain, brought on by his continued contact with the tribble, was keen to be in a position where his input would matter. To make decisions. To oversee the success of others. The calmer side of his brain, could still handle the burden of responsibility, and be a leader, in whatever form that could take while on the Enterprise. "Yes, Captain. I will gladly sit in on your next meeting."

Accepting the PADD, Khan barely glanced at it before addressing the Ensign. "How long do you anticipate the wait?" he asked, not because he was impatient, but because he felt Kirk might have better things to do with his time.

The Ensign’s snout twitched a little, and she was obviously nervous in the augment’s presence, but said, “As long as the order is correct, uh, Sir?, then we can facilitate the immediate beaming of the objects to your requested lab.” 

“That will be quite sufficient, Ensign Gava,” Jim said and smiled at her, pleased when she relaxed again and puffed up a little at having her name remembered. “Does it look complete, Khan?”

"Yes. Thank you, Captain. Ensign," he said to each in turn, then handed back the PADD. The tribble cooed in the palm of Khan's hand. Though the augment looked stern and rigid, the tribble was responding well to the fact that Khan was in fact quite relaxed. 

“Thank you, Sirs. Let’s go look and see that it’s correct and then I will have it transferred to the lab immediately,” Ensign Gava said and entered a command into her computer. Behind her, a door opened, and she said, “After you, please.”

Jim grinned and hurried into the anteroom, which contained a special transporter for on-ship beaming, a fairly large space for the materials to be loaded, and a console for the beaming. “Let’s make sure it’s all here and is what you want, Khan,” he said and moved to examine the gathered supplies. 

Crouching down, Khan examined the materials, listening to their resonance and getting a feel for the grain. Though many of the pieces were small, for storage reasons, as this was not a cargo ship, Khan could still piece together in his mind the exact form it would take with ease. "Yes, everything appears to be to the correct specifications." 

“We are well satisfied, Ensign,” Jim said. “Please have everything transported to the lab.” He smiled and nodded to her.

“It will be done in a matter of moments, Sir,” she said with a quick salute. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“For the moment, you’ve done all we need,” Jim said with a tip of his head. “Thank you, Ensign. Carry on. I’ll show Khan and myself out.” He grinned a little as a squeal of relief followed them out the door. “I think we may have rattled her a bit,” he whispered confidentially to Khan as they regained the hallway. “Not very used to visitations from the captain down here.”

"She seemed attentive," Khan said fairly. For a moment, Khan felt like himself. With Kirk sharing personal confidences like this, it made him feel like an equal, something of a visiting Captain, instead of someone who had just been stripped of their position and purpose. Even if it was just an illusion, it was still a comfort. Khan was becoming comfortable with the young Captain. This friend. "Eager to perform her duties to your satisfaction." 

“I sometimes feel bad for officers like her,” Jim said. “Her job isn’t glamorous, and it probably won’t result in many promotions, but we can’t really function properly without her. Not everyone can be captain or the head of a department or even a scientist. But she’s a Tellarite, far away from her home, like the rest of us.” They reentered the turbolift. 

"Do you believe your crew to be happy, Captain? That is- are they happy to be here?" Khan frowned a little at himself, correcting his use of language once more. "What I mean to say, is there a point when it's clear that an individual is more suited to terrestrial work on Earth, rather than remoteness of space travel? Working on a starship is an iconic part of Starfleet, but it requires a certain temperament."

“Overall, yes, I think the crew is happy. There are various indexes that Medical monitors to tell how the crew is feeling as a whole. And the Academy is a good place to find out what kind of assignment people are most suited for. Still, mistakes are made, and reality can throw people for a loop, even when they seem perfect for a post at first. That’s why everyone on this crew already has some kind of service on a starship. You wouldn’t want a five year mission to be your absolute first time, ‘cause there’s no easy way back, right? Still, we’re the youngest crew in Starfleet overall, which has benefits and drawbacks, of course.” He straightened his own posture, thinking of the weight on his shoulders. “And it’s up to me to balance all of that and make sure everything runs smoothly and the crew is content. There will be times of stress and times of pain, but we have to soldier through those and stay on even keel. Say, want to go get something from the mess with me?” he asked, changing the subject abruptly. “I could go for a little lunch. I’m on Gamma shift tonight, so that throws all of my day off.”

With a breath, Khan pulled his shoulders back, standing a little taller in the turbolift next to Kirk. There was once a time when the two of them would never have been allowed to interact like this, as Khan would have been surrounded by security personnel as an escort, and Kirk would have his own officers by his side, keeping him from saying anything that might engage confrontation. "If it is acceptable to have Pomphrey there, I am happy to accompany you."

Jim changed the course of the lift, so it stopped at the floor with the Officer’s Mess. “Pomphrey is welcome everywhere he can’t get into the machinery. And I trust you to prevent that anyway. Thanks for agreeing to lunch. I do like company.”

Khan had his head turned slightly to the side, watching and listening to Kirk as he spoke. Even though the young captain expressed himself on familiar terms with his crew and had many friends, he likely understood how lonely it was at the top. Though outwardly, it did not appear to affect him, so Khan refrained from mentioning it as it would be admitting to a type of weakness, unnecessarily. The tribble in his hand chirped at Khan as if to remind him not to allow his thoughts to linger on subjects of isolation.

"Why, Command, Sir? Why not engineering, or medical, security or one of the sciences?" Khan asked, indulging in a touch of curiosity. 

“Because my father was the captain of a starship for twelve minutes and he saved 800 lives. Somebody dared me to do better...and I guess I have,” Jim said quietly. He frowned and rubbed at the back of his head. “It’s all the way you look at it, I suppose. I could be in engineering or one of the sciences, but I’d be the worst doctor or security officer. No bedside manner, and I don’t particularly like hospitals or medicine. In fact, I hate spending time in Sickbay...even if Bones is my best friend.” He led Khan into the Officer’s Mess. “And security, I’d never have gotten out of the Academy. Half of the security cadets hated my guts, cause of Cupcake.” He went to the selection of lunch foods and hummed happily at the pile of sandwiches. “Take whatever you want, Khan. Just don’t let Pomphrey have anything.”

Having unintentionally touched on an uncomfortable subject, Khan dropped it. "How, may I ask, would a cupcake upset people?" Khan asked, feeling that this question did not relate Kirk's family and therefore would not be as awkward or upsetting. Taking up a bowl, Khan served himself two ladles worth of broccoli soup and crackers. It was simple, and about all he was prepared to stomach for the time being. 

Jim chose a grilled cheese sandwich, a bunch of homemade chips, a small bowl of chili and some salad, along with a glass of milk. “Oh, yeah, sorry,” he said. “That obviously made no sense to you. Cupcake is Lieutenant Hendorff...well, he was Cadet Hendorff then. We met at a bar in Riverside, Iowa, which was my hometown...can you have a hometown if you’re born in space?...anyway, we didn’t hit it off at all.” He took a seat at a table in the corner, for only two. “In fact, we trashed the bar, and he trashed my face. With the help of like ten other guys. And they didn’t come off too well, either. Anyway, they were all security cadets, so it would have been a bad fit for me. Now, Hendorff serves on the Enterprise. How crazy is that? Oh right, I called him Cupcake a few times...affectionately, of course, but he didn’t like that, either.” Jim gave his best shit-eating grin.

This story however did not sit well with the augment. Even with the tribble in his lap, humming away, Khan was not pleased by this. Security sounded like where all the militant brutes were given an excuse to bully others. So much for keepers of the peace. Then again, Admiral Marcus wasn't alone in his beliefs. He was not the only one who had reverted to basic human warmongering tendencies. "Is it a problem to have him on board? Is it an issue, that he serves under you?"

“Nah. I like him. He’s a good officer now. We’ve buried the hatchet,” Jim said. “We all grew up a lot, especially during the whole incident with Nero.” He frowned a little at the memory and then continued, “It’s good for me, too. You have to learn to get over the unimportant things, like dumb fights picked in bars when you’re too stupid not to have your head buried in your ass.” He looked embarrassed at his language and said, “Sorry, maybe a story for another time, if you don’t mind listening.”

With the tribble Pomphrey on his lap, Khan carefully picked up the crackers, making sure not even to let a crumb drop as he crushed them into his soup. Then using the spoon, he stirred them around so that they would float evenly before having a little bit of soup at a time. "I am a willing ear, Sir. However, conversing in such ways, including personal storytelling comes much more naturally to you then it does to me." And it wasn't just something Khan could practise to become better at, since that wasn't the issue. He kept things to himself, because as (former) leader it would have been bad form to impose on others. These days, it was also almost impossible to trust those around him, and he did not wish to reveal things that could later be used against him.

Jim dug into his chili, which he’d loaded with cheese but not (ew!) onions. He hummed contentedly at the flavor and said, “I love this stuff. You should try it sometime. As for being an ear, I appreciate that. I hope, in time, you’ll come to trust me enough to talk about the more personal, too. But I respect that people are different in how much they want to share of themselves. Or how gregarious they are in general.” He took a large bite of the gooey grilled cheese and shut his eyes in bliss. “Man, this is like the perfect meal...tastewise. So, is there anything you would like to ask me about? Don’t be shy.” 

"No, Captain. Thank you. The questions I have can only be answered over time, not lunch." Khan continued to eat quietly, though held some amusement at Kirk's pleasure with eating his comfort foods. But the pockets of silence in the room, from people uncertain of what to say with the augment in the room, as well as the whispered conversations, all went ignored. Being seen publicly, at lunch, with the ship's Captain surely had to count for something. Perhaps in time, but there was no sense in being irritated or impatient, after all, not long ago Khan had been the enemy, a very dangerous and deadly enemy. 

“Aww, really?” Jim asked. “You don’t have any questions for me that can’t be answered over lunch. Like, why I’ve got such great hair. Or how I maintain my boyish figure when I spend so much of my time sitting in the universe’s most uncomfortable chair.” He flashed a winning smile, the charming one that was also accompanied by the crazy blue of his eyes. He, too, was not unaware of the unease of some of the other officers present, so went out of his way to be at ease with Khan. “There’s any number of things we could talk about...oh! I know! Literature! I have a collection of real books! I love the damn things. They’re so fragile after all these years, but paper is very...soothing somehow, am I right?”

As Kirk made his jokes about his figure or other satirical questions Khan was meant to ask, Khan dropped one hand into his lap, letting the tribble nuzzle the palm of his hand and giving his fingers something soft to touch. But the idea of books did catch his attention. "Paper does have a very pleasing touch and smell. I am curious what paper books have survived so long. As too, I suppose, what modern media has to offer. There are likely many popularly known, famous works I should become familiar with."

“I’ll be happy to share my collection with you,” Jim enthused. “And yeah, there’s a lot of great literature. The trouble is knowing where to start. Frankly, I’d go with some Vulcan philosophy. Surak, to be exact. So much of the Federation’s foundation were really built around the Vulcans, since they were one of the four founding members. We need their guidance still...it’s so hard with their population dwindled to such low numbers. Spock’s presence on the Enterprise is a blessing for me, really.” He did not allow himself a pause to reflect on the loss, not wanting to be dragged into melancholy around his guest. ”I like some Cardassian literature, too, though it’s pretty convoluted in its plots and all about honor and such. Well, their version, anyway. And Romulans! They write the most interesting romances.” He grinned, sheepish around the edges, at his own enthusiasm. “We could start a book exchange?”

"Yes, Jim." As things became a matter of personal exchanges, rather than something that Captain of the Enterprise was arranging for a guest, Khan was more likely to use informal titles and given names. "Both terrestrial and alien sources interest me. However, as you recommended it, I will begin with Vulcan philosophy. And perhaps any Earth authors of a similar time period, immediately following first contact. I would like to better understand the origin of the Federation and how it has evolved." 

Jim nodded and said, “Yeah, there are lots of books from around that time. The one by Admiral Archer’s father and the one by Zephram Cochrane are really well written and have a lot of good information. Archer was a little prejudiced, but the facts are all laid out. T’Pol wrote a really good history of her time on a Starfleet vessel, the first starship...also called Enterprise. That’s a very logical book, of course, even though her sorrow over the death of Trip Tucker is pretty clear. It was my first indication of how deeply Vulcans do feel.” He bit his lip, realizing he was rambling again. “How about I make a list and you can choose what you’d like after you finish with Surak? Also, if you like, you can make me a list of your favorite books for me to try.”

"Thank you, Jim. I would like that very much." Finishing his soup, Khan pushed the bowl slightly to the side, then rested both hands in his lap now, giving the tribble a gentle massage with the tips of his fingers. The animal purred very happily, and Khan seemed to give a stress free sigh. "The books and authors I am familiar with may not stand up well after all this time, however, I will compile a list for you nevertheless. Even if they make for sour reading in this century, it may be worth seeing what was once considered exceptional." 

The purrs of the tribble worked magic around the entire room, as conversation had picked up again at all adjoining tables. Jim himself was very comfortable in his chair, too, posture nowhere near the perfection of Khan’s. But he was quietly pleased with how the tribble responded to the augment. There was certainly no prejudice there.

“Why would it be sour reading?” Jim asked, curious about Khan’s view. He scooped a few large bites of salad into his mouth, eager to get past the more boring part of his food. “I like a lot of old books. Say, are there any books written by augments? I’d be interested in those. I’ve never heard of any…” 

"The underlying themes may be obvious or cliché to your eyes, even if they were new or inspired concepts several hundred years ago. The writing may be considered poor in comparison to modern works, I cannot say." Though as the question came up regarding what contributions other augments might have made, Khan was mute on an immediate answer. Unless it was a matter of warfare, creativity was left to the humans. Augments did not create in the way Jim was implying, they created social programs and complex structures, not music or art. "Augments are excellent at mimicking art, not creating it ourselves." They could play music or paint in the style of classic masters, but were unable to imagine, to express inspiration in the same way humans did. "There are no books written by augments, to my knowledge." 

“Maybe you could be the first,” Jim hazarded. “There are a lot of fascinating tales you could tell, I’m sure. And it might be good for humans to have a history of the whole Eugenics period, as you experienced it. A point of view from a side we’ve never gotten before. There’d be a lot of value to it. Anyway, it’s something to think about. "I like reading stories from past times,” he continued. “Seeing how ideas have changed over the ages, learning how humans viewed things. It’s important to understand history...to appreciate where you’ve come from. I took a lot of extra history courses at the Academy, and not just human history. But you have to understand yourself, before you can understand anyone else.” 

"Perhaps." History had gone ahead and demonized the Eugenics Program in place of having an alternate point of view represented. After all, except for Khan and his people, the augments were wiped out. All traces of the science behind their engineering, the labs that constructed them, had been destroyed. To recover from the war, eugenics and human engineering became the highest taboo. But it also meant what over time, what good there had been from the program, was lost. History would only remember the horrible outcome, the war, and the struggle of humanity against augment rulers. Not that Khan could blame them. The war had gone badly. Not all augments had lived up to their noble designs. One of humanity's greatest engineering accomplishments had failed, dangerously, in a way that had almost wiped out both sides. Khan knew (or thought he knew), therefore, that very few people would want to hear his side of the story. It was much easier to remember the Eugenics Program as a bad thing, rather than admit there had been good elements to it as well. It was quite likely that Khan should remain quiet on the subject for the remainder of his life.

“Making me work for it...I see how it is,” Jim said with a rueful shake of his head. He had never labored so hard to hold a conversation in his life. “I’m still behind the idea. You could always write the book and then decide if you wanted to let anyone else see it.” He set aside his empty bowl of chili and went after the chips now. “Anyway, book club. Awesome. Tell me what I should read while you do the Surak.” He looked into Khan’s eyes and added, “And no one word answers.”

"My apologies." Khan said, giving a two word answer. But there was some humour in his gaze, and maybe, in just the right light, there was even a hint of a smile on those lips. "Now then, in the 1980s and 1990s there were several publications that immediately come to mind. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond, Contact by Carl Sagan, A Brief History of Time by British physicist Stephen Hawking, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Hatchet by Gary Paulsen. However, I can narrow down your choices if you prefer non-fiction over fiction." 

“Contact,” Jim said instantly. “I’ve heard of Carl Sagan, and that sounds exactly up my alley. Excellent.” He paused and said, “A Brief History of Time sounds cool, too. It was one of the books recommended by my favorite physics’ professor at the Academy. So, maybe next time. When I’m done, we can talk about the book, yeah? I bet you remember all about it. Every little detail.” 

"I have an excellent memory, yes. I shall await your feedback, and we can discuss it at your leisure." Khan dropped his eyes to the tribble in his lap, which he scooped up, cradling against his forearm, holding it as one would a very small child. No longer petting the animal, but instead choosing to hold it like this, Khan appeared ready to stand. "You may call on me any time, Jim. For now, Sir, I would like to return to the privacy of my room."

“Of course, Khan,” Jim said with a smile and a nod, standing politely. “Thank you for agreeing to take care of Pomphrey. He’s one lucky tribble.” He did not want to push Khan past his limits, and the man seemed to have hit them for the day. “Would you like me to walk you back?”

"Thank you." Khan said as he stood, keeping the tribble pressed close to his side. "Only if you are done here." He said with a glance to Jim's meal, not wishing to take him away if he was still eating, or if intended to socialize with his crewmen in place of Khan's quiet company. 

“Nobody will steal my food,” Jim said with a quick grin. “They wouldn’t dare!” he announced more loudly to the room and faux glared around at everyone, met by smiles and a few rolling eyeballs. “Let me escort you home,” he finished in a soft voice to Khan. “Please.”

With a nod of consent, Khan turned his eyes on the door, his feet soon following. Like running into a brick wall, Khan had reached his limit with being out in public quite suddenly. Right now, he needed something familiar and quiet, and on the Enterprise, that was the guest room Kirk had provided for him. "Thank you for today, Jim." Khan said once they were in the hallway. "You have been very attentive to my needs, while I recover." 

“It’s my pleasure,” Jim said sincerely, as they strolled down the halls together. “If you ever have a desire to talk to me, I want you to know I’m available. You don’t have to wait for me to initiate things, Khan.” He trusted the augment to know when it was appropriate and when not, without any further details. “I’d like to be someone you consider a friend.” He nodded once, to himself as much as to the augment, to seal that statement.

"Yes." Khan looked to Jim, moving just an inch closer as they walked together. Jim had shown him almost infinite patience and a very genuine desire to see him well. With Jim, his fears and mistrusts were beginning to fade. He hurt a little less. "I think so too." He might ever be on the top again, but Jim took care to ensure that Khan wasn't crushed down to the bottom, either. 

Jim glanced at Khan and said, “I’m glad.” He stopped outside of Khan’s door and smiled at him warmly. “Have a nice rest of your day, Khan. I’ll see you for dinner.” He reached out to gently pet Pomphrey, adoring the warm purring and wiggles, and then stepped back with a little nod to walk back to the Officers Mess to finish his lunch. ~~~~~~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

Sickbay was exactly the last place Jim wanted to end up after an Away Mission, but more than fifty percent of the time, he found himself on a biobed getting poked and prodded and growled at by Bones. A little over two months into their five year voyage and only having just successfully finished their second mission- a complete documentation of three worlds, all sustaining life (though no sentient life as of yet), Jim had been dragged to Medical after Spock tattled that Jim was breaking out in a rash (and hives in a few uncomfortable places) due to exposure to one of the incredibly varied plant species on the third planet (which they had named Virgo after the lush environs). So, here he was, tunic and undershirt removed (along with his dignity), as Bones took samples and tested out the effectiveness of those medicines approved for use on his bizarre immune system.

“Dammit, Jim,” Bones swore for what felt like the thousandth time, “why can’t you just stay aboard like a good Captain and let the rest of the crew do the legwork?”

“Cause that’s no fun, Bones!” Jim complained. “Besides, it’s not like there was anything dangerous about the planet or the mission.”

“Not to anybody else, you mean,” Bones groused. “I swear to God, your system was crazy enough before you up and died on me, but since then, I don’t know what the Hell it’s going to do!”

Jim no longer tensed at the mention of that day, though his insides always knotted a little. There was only so much therapy (which Jim despised) could do about getting you over an actual death experience. Especially when you heard your father’s voice during your death, and he'd died at the moment of your birth. “Not sure that isn’t actually your fault,” he said. “You’re the one who brought me back.”

Working in the medical labs for the last two weeks for a trial period, Khan found the precision work to his liking. It allowed him to explore and further understand non-human anatomy, as well as learn about the specific needs of certain crewmen. And while nursing, having direct patient care was manageable, Khan did not always have the patience for someone behaving irrationally or vomiting on him. So he remained in the labs as much as possible, putting in the long hours of solitary work with ease and dedication to each task.

So when Kirk was brought in to medical with skin irritations, Khan had gone to fetch a few related hypos that had proved useful in the past, according to the pages and pages of his medical history. However, Khan had returned to Doctor McCoy at a strange time in his treatment of Kirk. They were talking about saving Jim's life by bringing him back from the dead. If he was understanding the conversation correctly.

"Doctor." Khan said quietly to announce himself, standing just behind McCoy as he offered him a tray with three more hypos and a PADD with updated information on the flora and fauna Kirk had been exposed to from the planet below. 

“Ah, thank you, Mr. Singh,” Bones said, having grown more used to the augment’s presence in Sickbay. The first week had been a bit tense, but Khan had worked diligently and quietly in the background, and Bones saw the benefit of having such a brilliant mind focused on medical matters. Things did run more efficiently with the augment’s help. He still double-checked the hypos and their doses, as was his wont even when he fetched them, to be certain they were the correct ones. 

Jim refused to yelp when Bones gave him a hypospray with his practiced hand and relaxed a little when some of the itching faded. “That didn’t seem so difficult,” he said with a slightly baleful look at his best friend.

“Hmph,” Bones grunted in return. “You have no idea, infant, how much faster this goes with anybody not named Jim Kirk. Now, I want a couple more vials of your blood to run tests on.” He picked up an empty hypospray.

“Aw, man, Bones, I swear you have enough by now to resurrect your own Frankenstein’s monster,” Jim grumbled, but held out his arm dutifully.

“The changes to your biochemistry and immune functions are not something I take lightly,” Bones scolded him. “I don’t even understand why they’re still occurring, after all this time. So, stop whining and let Khan extract some blood for me.” He held out the hypospray to Khan. “If you would, Mr. Singh.”

Accepting the task, Khan brushed two fingers over Jim's forearm. Though he was becoming increasingly familiar with modern medical tools and equipment, he still observed a few old habits from time to time, which included finding a vein by hand and planting the area with his fingers before drawing blood. Though McCoy would no doubt find the use of a needle and syringe archaic, Khan applied some of his centuries-old training when it came to drawing samples, even though it was unnecessary as the tools calibrated themselves, no longer needing human hands to do so. But Khan liked using his hands, so he kept his fingers pressed to Jim's skin as he drew the blood sample.

"Sir-" Khan said as he looked to Jim in the biobed, he had questions for him, but his treatment and care came first. 

“Hey, Khan,” Jim said with a smile, as Bones continued to grumble behind them as he looked over Jim’s readings. “How’s it going here in Medical? Bones has had nothing but positive words for you, like the other rotation leads, I might add. And you have a nice touch with the hypospray.” He glanced down to where it was busy collecting blood. “Certainly make things a little easier than some people.” Behind them, Bones growled a little at Jim, which only made the Captain’s grin bigger. 

It was something of a relief to hear that McCoy and the other doctors and nurses responsible for reporting on weather Khan was a good fit or not, had good things to say. They had proven fair in their acceptance of Khan in their department and had not manufactured excuses to be rid of the augment. "Thank you," Khan said with a small glance to the side, catching sight of McCoy out of the corner of his eye. "There have been a few quiet days, but it is worthwhile and unique work." As he finished drawing blood, Khan set the sample aside for McCoy, though remained at Kirk's bedside for a moment longer. "It is curious, the number of known viruses and diseases in the medical database. Though it is undoubtedly only a fraction of what you will encounter over five years of exploring uncharted space." 

“Space is danger and disease, wrapped up in darkness and silence,” Jim said in his best ‘Bones’ imitation and then laughed when Bones lightly whacked him in the head and stalked off to his office. He sobered a little, but still grinned at Khan. “Yeah, there’s going to be a lot of potentially dangerous diseases out there. And we could carry some of our own to other planets, too. That’s why there’s the intensive protocols in place, particularly about the transporters and decontamination when you use shuttles instead of transporters. But the danger exists...which is why I wanted Bones, besides his being my best friend, he’s one of the best medical minds out there. Especially when it comes to knowing a lot of different non-human and particularly non-humanoid races. Like the Horta!” 

"Yes, Sir." Khan agreed somewhat with McCoy's attitude about space, as well as the dangers their exploration would bring to other planets. "I have read about the silicone based lifeforms on Janus VI." It had been a tragic misunderstanding of the colonists there, killing Horta eggs, treating them as unwanted aspects of the planet's geology, rather than as a form of life. "However...what I have yet to learn about, Jim, are these changes in your biochemistry that the Doctor was referring to. My access to your medical file is limited." Khan was not asking for unlimited access to what was otherwise considered private information, but he was asking for some clarity on the issue. "What happened? I only ask, Sir, as it seems relevant to your chaotic immune system." 

“Oh. Oh. Well, fuck, there’s a thing. How the hell have we gone so long without talking about that?” Jim wondered aloud and then glanced over at Bones’ office, where the doctor was still busy at his terminal. “Hmm. This is kind of a private conversation, but it’s definitely something you should know. Shift ends in about an hour...meet me at my quarters then? I’ll tell you everything you want to know...that I understand, anyway, about it.”

He fell quiet as Bones remerged from his office and approached them again. The doctor examined the fading rashes and said, “Looks like that did the trick. However, I advise you to get out of the remainder of that uniform and get rid of it. Then, take a cold shower to wash off any remnants. Otherwise, infant, you’re free to go.”

“Great!” Jim said and hopped off the biobed, neatly catching the sterile white shirt Bones threw him to wear back to his quarters. “Thanks, Bones. I’ll see you later, Khan!” He gave the augment a private nod and hurried off, less the doctor decide to hold him for more tests.

With a small obedient nod, indicating that he would meet Kirk where and when he said, Khan returned to finishing up his shift. Which in part meant cleaning up after Kirk and sterilizing the biobed. He did not understand why they couldn't just talk about it now. As private as the information might be, it was clear that Doctor McCoy already knew about it...whatever it was. But since this was the way Kirk wanted to speak with him, Khan would comply with the Captain's terms.

After submitting his work at the end of shift directly to Doctor McCoy's computer, Khan left the medical bay and headed down the now-familiar hallway. Stopping outside the Captain's private quarters, Khan rang the paging system that announced his presence, and waited politely for Kirk to see him, or not. 

Jim answered the door in person and said, “Come in. Have a seat, please.” He ushered Khan into the captain’s quarters, which were slightly larger than any other private rooms on the ship. They were nicely furnished, a large bed, a table where four could easily sit and eat a meal together, a desk and chair, and two large bookshelves, which were definitely not Starfleet issue. They were both full of ancient tomes of all shapes and sizes, soft and hardcover, fiction and non-fiction, famous and obscure titles. From their prominent position in the room, it was obvious how important they were to the occupant. Conversely, there were only two personal holos of any sort in the room, and no indications of family of any kind, as the two pictured Jim and Bones and Jim and Pike, respectively. The walls were also mostly bare, with only an oil painting of an alien desert landscape (Vulcan, if one knew) and an ornate Japanese sword (once the belonging of Hoshi Sato) to interrupt the institutional gray. 

“Thanks for agreeing to talk this way, Khan. I know it must seem a little weird, but you’ll understand once I begin to explain. Before I sit, do you want anything to drink or nibble on?”

"Sir." Khan stepped in past the threshold at the invitation. It felt like a very personal matter, since Khan was being allowed into the privacy of Kirk's quarters, and though he was very curious, he was also hesitant to allow his eyes to wander too much. "If my questioning earlier trespassed on a private issue, Sir, I do apologize. It was only my intent to understand that difficulties associated with your medical care," Khan said as he sat down, keeping his eyes on Kirk, trying to understand the awkwardness he was communicating non-verbally. "I don't need anything, thank you."

Jim grabbed a bottle of real alcohol from out of the bottom drawer of his bureau and carried it and a glass over to where Khan sat, taking a seat across from him. He poured a glass and then asked, “What is it precisely you want to know? Or maybe more precisely from when? Do you want to hear about my entire medical history, which I know you’ve read from top to bottom and can’t failed to have marveled at for sheer length and breadth and oh yes, classified information that even Bones isn’t privy to.”

"If your chief medical officer, and friend-" Khan said, with a slight acknowledgement to the holo-photo of the two men nearby, "is unaware of your full medical history, then I do not see that I have the right to inquire." Khan however pressed one subject in particular, feeling he had hit on something important nevertheless. "What I would like to know, is what was meant by the changes in your biochemistry. As I understand it, after the Eugenics War, such things became a very taboo subject. Also, if you could clarify the implied statement that Doctor McCoy saved you from death."

“Right, gotcha, so we’ll skip the stuff about me being born in space in the middle of an evacuation before my father died and all the ways that messed up my systems,” Jim said in a rush that scrambled the words together into nearly indiscernible hash. “You want to know about the recent fuckuppery.” He blew out a long breath and then downed a full shot of his whiskey with a slight grimace. “Liquid courage. All right. What do you know about the events that transpired after you fired on the Enterprise and the torpedoes blew up?” And this, right there, was the beginning of why this discussion needed to be had in private. Those memories would not be easy ones for Khan.

Whatever calm and patience Khan had been showing Kirk before completely fell away now. He sat still, cold as a statue that it barely looked like he was breathing. Khan answered the question, several times in his head, though could not manage to open his mouth and use his voice. Why was this relevant? Khan stared at Kirk with fiercely piercing blue eyes, for a moment, resembling his old self, and nothing like the broken man Kirk and the Enterprise had been left with. "At the time-" he finally growled out, then cleared his throat to speak in a carefully moderated tone, "I believed my people murdered in their sleep. So I sought to destroy the city with the remainder of the Vengeance. I escaped the wreckage with the intent of going into hiding and attack Starfleet as the opportunity presented itself. However, I did not get far before Commander Spock began to pursue me. Once rendered unconscious after a series of mental and physical attacks, I was captured. That is all I know. Captain." 

Jim nodded once, sensing the augment’s anger and not wanting to hurt or goad him anymore. “The damage to the Enterprise from all of the Vengeance’s attacks was more than severe,” he said, his own voice not quite steady. “The warp core had been knocked out of alignment. It was necessary for someone to go in and manually fix it. I nominated myself.” His hands shook a little at the memory, and he curled them into fists in his lap, forcing himself to keep speaking. “I went in knowing that I would never make it out. I didn’t. I died in front of Spock in the decontamination chamber, after successfully repairing the alignment and just barely managing to seal the doors after me to make sure the radiation was safely contained again. That’s why he went so berserk on you, why he lost all semblance of control...learned to break bone.” Jim took a deep breath and looked into those pale blue eyes, his own full of the memory of dying, of feeling his body shut down on him and knowing there was nothing anybody could do...only there was. “If I could laugh about this yet, and I’m still holding out hope, damn it, I’d laugh about how life seems to enjoy playing tricks on me. You were at least partially responsible for my death...but also for my being brought back to life.” 

 

And then he waited for the augment to understand.

Sitting still, Khan listened to Kirk's side of events. The manner of his death. The reason behind Spock's sudden expression of rage. And then, that extra little fact that complicatedly twisted itself in his brain. Khan stood abruptly and paced slightly on one side of the room, leaving the chair as a buffer between them. He had no memory of this. No knowledge. It was an uncomfortable feeling, not knowing what had happened to him without his consent. He stopped and placed his hands on the back of the chair he had previously been sitting in. "How then? How did Doctor McCoy manage it?"

“What he did was completely illegal and he came a hair away from losing his place in Starfleet and his medical license for it, and he’d do it all again. That’s why Uhura beamed down to where you and Spock were, to stop him from killing you. Bones needed your blood to save me, once he saw that it revived the dead tribble. He told me he would have done anything, no matter the cost to himself. And don’t think he doesn’t feel some measure of guilt for essentially stealing your blood to concoct a serum to heal all the damage to my body. Given my exposure to the radiation, you understand that my blood basically had to be replaced with yours. And though it restored my life, the serum coupled with my already screwy immune system has made for some interesting new developments in a rather tortuous medical history.” Jim paused and then frowned a little at his hands. “Although I do not have any enhanced abilities seemingly from the transfusion, I am per Federation and Starfleet statute...an augment.”

There was some uncertainty there. Khan had been used. Just as Admiral Marcus had used him. But even as his misgivings for Starfleet flared up, something new and wild distracted his unsettled mind. Kirk had his blood. Augmented blood. And in a way, that meant Jim Kirk was family. The only family that still recognized him. This news was completely disarming. Khan found his voice again, approaching Kirk slowly. "Legally, you are considered an augment?" He repeated back in order to ensure he was understanding him correctly. 

“Yep,” Jim said. “I get a pass because I was also legally dead and had no say in the matter at the time of my...augmentation, but that’s the way things stand. It’s one of the classified elements of my medical history, just as the procedure and serum Bones devised will never be known. He destroyed everything he did after it successfully brought me back. He knew the potential consequences of his actions. Curing death, that’s a pretty terrifying thing.” He frowned a little at Khan and said, “Please don’t hold it against Bones, Khan. I think you understand what it is to do anything for someone you care about.”

"You were cured of death. But not of your other ailments?" Khan did not understand this. Then again, had he worked on the serum, Khan would have been able to manipulate the intensity to not just revive dead cells, but also mend incomplete or mutated strains that caused Kirk his problems. Still, if the serum had been strong enough to bring Kirk back to life, then surely it should have fixed everything else that troubled his medical history. "Why has it caused more problems?"

“I don’t know if it’s caused more problems, but it has complicated the issues with my allergies, apparently,” Jim said. “I’m not an expert about immune responses, although I’m well aware of the meds and foods and plants that cause my allergies... the known ones, anyway. And most people’s allergies can be cured, but mine are special because the circumstances of my birth were special, as were some of the conditions of my young teenage years. Add on death and resurrection using augmented blood and apparently, you get a rather complicated mess.” He shrugged a little at his own words, but then met Khan’s eyes square on. “I hope you don’t mind that we share a blood bond.”

No, Khan still did not understand it. No complication should be too great for his engineering to fix and mend. But he left the subject be, there was no fixing it now. His immunity would have to remain faulty, rather than perfectly engineered like a proper augment. Any attempt to cure him now would be met with resistance, by Starfleet, Doctor McCoy, and likely Kirk himself.

Khan loomed over Kirk, before sitting down again. "I mind that you are unable to profit from the full benefit of my blood augmentation." Searching the young Captain's face, hoping he would not take offence to it, Khan then added, "It is a comfort, in fact, to know we share this."

“I was dead,” Jim said with a grin and a shake of his head. “I don’t think I can complain about any small faults that might remain. In fact, that would be pretty crumby of me to do. I can live with my allergies. I think I’d feel weird without them, to be honest. But I’m glad you don’t mind. That it can even be a nice thing for you. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I could understand your being angry about it, or feeling like you were used again. But I owe you, Khan, even if you didn’t willingly give me your blood, it was you that saved my life, with a helping of Bones, Spock and Uhura.”

"Yes, I do feel used," Khan said with simple honesty. "But, now that I see the outcome of that decision...you subsequently have my consent." Slowly extending one hand, palm up, Khan quietly asked for something rather personal. He was asking to see Jim's hand, to touch his skin and feel the pulse that charged through his body. 

“Thank you,” Jim said and though he didn’t know Khan’s intentions, he reached out with his hand fearlessly. “That does mean a lot to me, Khan, no matter our past histories. I want to be one of the people who gave you a fair deal, not someone else who abused you and your abilities. Mutual trust. I know that’s a lot to ask, but it’s a good goal, right?”

Taking Jim's hand now that it had been offered to him, Khan sat forward a little as he held it. With both hands, he sat there and examined the flesh of Jim's palms, thumbing over each joint in his fingers. It was very much like a toddler learning something for the first time, but in this case it was Khan getting a sense of their connection. Then fingering over the veins on his wrist, Khan tracked them lightly up the first half of his forearm. "Mutual trust." He repeated back, completely fixated on Jim and what it meant to not be alone in this new way. Jim Kirk might have only intended to offer Khan his perspective friendship, but right now the augment was seeing someone he could call family, at least privately, and to himself when his heart ached too much. 

Jim watched with an air of perplexed curiosity as Khan examined his hand in minute detail. His murmured words did not really clear up his thoughts, and Jim wished for some form of telepathy to comprehend the augment’s actions. There was something almost tender in the touches, the careful way he seemed to be memorizing each millimeter of skin. Finally, even though he didn’t like to break the moment, he couldn’t resist asking, “What are you doing?” keeping the question gentle and undemanding.

Lifting his gaze, Khan blinked once. Oh. Yes. People did not usually do this. "My apologies, Sir." Khan said, sitting back and letting his fingers slip away, freeing Jim's hand. "I was getting a sense of...you, Sir. It is a source of comfort I did not expect." But it was wrong to take liberties, so Khan kept his hands to himself now. "What we share is important to me. Though I understand if you do not see it the same."

As soon as Khan’s words registered, Jim held back out his hand and twitched his fingers in a ‘come here’ gesture. “I don’t mind,” he said. “I was trying so hard to imply that I didn’t mind. I was just curious. I’ve never had anyone touch me with quite that kind of intent before, so I just couldn’t help but ask. Please, don’t stop, not if you don’t want to.” He continued to extend his hand, hoping that Khan would literally take it again. “Will you explain to me, what you mean? Getting a sense of me and finding what we share important, I mean. I’m not trying to pry, if it’s too personal to explain.”

Khan looked to the fingers beckoning him, then accepted the offer. Holding the back with one hand, while his other began to finger over the palm again, Khan dropped his eyes so that he could follow the progress of his fingertips. "You don't find this strange?" he asked, petting the skin in one direction, and the small hairs on his arm in the other. "It is personal what I am doing, but you are owed an explanation for it." Khan then turned Jim's hand over, so that he could thumb over the knuckles, holding his hand in such a way that he was lightly massaging the palm. "My family is important to me, Jim. I have always sought to protect them. Love them. And now, with this bond, you are all I have. Touching you like this...allows me someone to remain loyal to." It was difficult to admit to, but it spoke a very strong part of his engineering. 

“So I’m your family now?” Jim asked with something akin to wonder. He considered this quietly to himself, as he watched Khan’s finger trace over his palm. “I’ve never had much of a family. My father died the day I was born, and my mother retreated into herself after his death. She remarried, I don’t even know why, and then left us, my brother Sam and I, with a jerk of a stepfather almost as soon as she could. And then Sam ran off as soon as he was old enough, too.” He watched Khan’s finger making its smooth path over his palm. “My crew has also become my family, but it’d be nice...to have family who was also blood.”

It was weird. No doubt it was weird. And the part of him that still mistrusted and feared close personal connections doubted the sincerity of the gesture. But Khan was so alone, and he’d so obviously suffered in his aloneness that refusing him seemed an unnecessary, heartless cruelty. And the loyalty of such as Khan...that was a precious gift.

“Tell me what it means, being your family?” he asked.

"If you were a child, newly engineered, it would be my role to teach you, care and protect you, help you find where your heart was most at home, help you find your place, but you are not a child, though in a way, you are newly engineered. However, you have no need of my teachings, or any need to find your place, as you have established yourself already. So, I am left only to support you in your dreams and your deeds from here on...I will protect you, and honor the life you lead." Bowing his head slightly, it almost looked as though Khan were to kiss Jim on the hand, but instead pressed his nose close to his wrist, breathing in softly. 

Wow.

The word stuck in Jim’s head and just reverberated there. 

Khan’s declaration of family was unbelievable, especially to someone who had never had close family ties, beyond the bonds of friendship he’d forged recently with his crew. 

“You see me that way?” he asked, half-annoyed at himself when his voice emerged small and tremulous. “Me? After everything that’s happened?” He swallowed hard on his disbelief (and the lump in his throat) and said, “That’s- I’m honored, Khan. I don’t even know what to say.”  
But he kept his wrist still, allowing Khan to scent (scent? is that what he was doing?) his skin. Somehow, the action soothed him, too.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, lifting his gaze. "I will not embarrass you by making mention of it again ... but my loyalty is to you, now." Using his thumb, Khan massaged the fleshy part around Jim's wrist, keeping this connection to the only family he had left, for as long as Jim seemed willing to allow it. 

“I’m not embarrassed,” Jim said honestly. “Flabbergasted maybe. Stunned, definitely. Honored for sure. But never embarrassed.” He reached out and wrapped a hand around Khan’s wrist gently, looking at him with a warm smile. “What would I do as part of your family? I mean, is there some way I can support you?” Here was an opportunity to help Khan feel a part of something, building off of Khan’s connection to him and helping it bridge the way to his crew. That was already building with the rotations in the different departments, which Khan seemed to be enjoying.

"I don't expect you to see it the same way-" Khan began, looking down at Jim's hand upon his own skin. His shoulders dropped slightly and he breathed a little easier at the touch. "But allow me to share in your company from time to time, which you have already seen fit to provide. Do not be offended if I protect you from perceived threats. It will be in my nature. But order me to stand down, and I will obey." The last was probably most telling of all, as since the attack by his own people, Khan on longer saw himself as the alpha dog. Though still likely the most dangerous weapon the Enterprise would ever encounter, Khan was looking to the young captain for leadership. This was his ground. And these were his people. Khan among them. 

“Those are all easy things for me to promise,” Jim said and stroked over his hand gently. “Will this change anything, Khan? I mean...I don’t want to take advantage of you, even inadvertently. And I do want to give you all the support you need, Khan.” He smiled even more brightly and said, “Now, I’m even happier I told you the truth about Bones using your blood to revive me. I’m sorry we hadn’t told you before. I didn’t realize you didn’t know. Is there anything else you’d like to ask me about?”

"It changes me." Khan admitted, "But as I said, I do not expect you to feel the same way." Quietly looking to the other man, Khan did have several strains of questions swimming in the back of his mind, but deemed them unimportant for the time being. His questions could wait, until he had more of Jim's genuine trust and friendship. "May I, in the future, hold you hand again, Jim?" It was the only issue he wished resolved now, not later. "Or do you find it...abnormal?" 

“Of course you may, Khan,” Jim said, “if it makes you feel better. And I want you to be honest about it, too. If you need some support from me, no matter what kind of support, please tell me. I’ll do my best to give you what you need.” He paused and rubbed at the back of his neck, a little awkwardly. “Would it help you if I came to you for some support, too? I mean, it would be nice for me, too, having someone outside of the command structure to talk to and look to for help.”

"Yes, Jim. I would like that very much." Khan said, a happy, eager glow filling the blue of his eyes. " Even if it is just to listen as you complain about your day, or convince yourself of something you already know. Anything you need, I am available to you." Any chance for Khan to look after his only family member, even in the smallest ways, the augment would find very fulfilling. 

The way Khan’s eyes lit up made Jim’s insides hurt a little. How eager the augment was to do anything for the only person left of his family. He gently squeezed the other man’s hand again. “Thank you, Khan. That does mean a lot to me. And please know the same goes for me. In fact, I hope that you’ll feel like you can tell me anything. Including if you’re doing better. Are these rotations through the Enterprise’s departments working for you?” 

"Yes-" Khan nearly used the title 'Captain' since they were discussing business, but refrained from doing so since the initial dialogue had brought them on more familiar terms. "Rotating through the departments on the Enterprise has been a positive experience. I have come to observe members of your crew in their element. And find the verity of the work stimulating." If nothing else, it gave Khan a reason to leave his room, interact with others, a little at a time, and feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense that, his being there made a difference and his work was valued. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve found a department where you might want to spend a bit more time?” Jim asked. “You don’t have to say yes right now. In fact, you could probably spend the whole five years rotating through all of our departments. But if you find something that sparks your imagination or your heart, please let me know. Same goes if you have an idea for a project you’d like to try.”

He paused and looked around the room. “Speaking of projects, how are Pomphrey and his fancy terrarium? I hope you like being a pet owner. Since we’re not buried in a sea of little tribbles, I can see that you’ve been looking after him properly, which doesn’t surprise me at all.” His eyes crinkled at the edges on a huge smile.

"Thank you, I shall consider it." Right now it was difficult to think on anything too permanent. First, his heart needed time to keep mending. "Would you like to see the bi-level terrarium? It is complete, and Pomphrey resides there while I am on shift. I believe he is happy ... I have not heard the tribble express any unpleasant sounds."

“I would like to see,” Jim said happily. “I’m sure he’s a contented tribble, well taken care of and given lots of attention. You do like Pomphrey, don’t you, Khan?” He waited for Khan to signal them to move to see the tribble and his fancy abode. “Do you have other projects you’re working on now in your lab?”

As he stood, it was only then did Khan release Jim's hand. "Yes, Jim. I am finding his companionship comforting. It was a well chosen gift." It meant a lot, knowing Kirk went out of his way to make sure that Khan did not feel isolated. He was not a prisoner and just because he did not form attachments easily or quickly, did not mean he should be forced to endure his exile so harshly alone. Leading Jim down the hallway, just a short walk to his own room, Khan called for a few lights to turn on, illuminating his desk and the adjacent terrarium in particular.

The bi-level enclosure with the tribble's comfort in mind as the primary factor, then Khan's ability to see the animal at any given time, secondary. The animal had a few blind spots where it could retreat for privacy, though for the most part, remained curled up in the bed Khan had made for it. The bed in question was the size of a small pillow, but had been hand-knitted, made of tribble hair fibres to simulate curling up and resting with another animal. 

“Oh my God,” Jim said and walked over to examine the habitat, where Pomphrey was bundled in his little bed. “This is so awesome. You are the most spoiled tribble ever.” He knelt to examine the bed and asked, “Is that made our of tribble fur? Did you make that? He’s all curled in there...well, as much as tribble can curl beyond their normal roundness.” He laughed softly and then stood again, turning to face Khan. “You’re a good man,” he said, “taking care of Pomphrey so well. Does he sleep with you?” He coughed a little at himself. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

"Yes, I knitted the bed out of tribble fur. I did not want to risk making a grass or cotton bed, only to have him eat it. So, since they do not consume their own hair, it seemed the ideal material. Plus, being a social animal, it seemed the best option, as it would simulate companionship." Reaching in, over the transparent low walls of the enclosure, Khan gave the animal a few light scratches with the tips of his fingers, only for the tribble to coo and purr. "There are times when I fall asleep with him, while I am in my chair. But I do not risk causing him injury by having him in my bed."

Jim nodded, though he internally doubted that the tribble would come to any harm if he slept next to the augment. Khan’s innate nature would never permit him to harm something that he cared for, and it was obvious the ball of fluff was important to the augment. He felt another ripple of anger at the people who had so carelessly discarded Khan. Here was someone who longed to be a caretaker, a provider and protector, but because of things done to him beyond his control, the people he loved and wished to care for most had rejected him.

Leaving him with only a tribble...and Jim.

“And how are you doing, Khan?” Jim asked softly. “All of the reports of your work have been exemplary, I can tell you, but I still don’t see you much except for when I come looking for you.”

"I am adapting." Khan said, though there was some numbness to his tone and to the look of his otherwise sharp eyes. Khan and the other augments had been designed to be very adaptive creatures. But unlike traversing a snow storm in nothing but his skin, or walking the length of a desert without supplies, Khan's heart was slow to adapt to this chaotic change in his life. He was much better at learning new languages or engineering space ships or fighting in battles; expressing emotion was one thing humans were better at then augments. "I find ... being around others, straining at times."

“If you ever need a break, you can just let your supervisor at the time know and take one,” Jim said. “Within the limits of logic, of course. You can’t just leave an experiment that might blow up alone. Still, I don’t ask my crew to work when they are truly not feeling up to it, and I won’t ask that of you, either.” He hesitated and then stepped forward to lightly press against Khan’s side, remembering the way the augment held and stroked his hand, seeming to find comfort in it. “Now that you know about me...I hope my presence will make things a little easier for you. Hell, I hope it did anyway.

 

"Yes, of course." Though Khan found it difficult asking for help (which would include asking for special treatment, to be excused for a while), and other then with Jim, gave no public evidence of his inner distress. It was unlikely that Khan would ask for a break. But it did mean he would remain reclusive during his non-shift hours.

Slightly startled by Jim leaning into him, Khan stood a little taller and pulled his shoulders back. His eyes darted over Jim, from small details in his face, down to his hands and the weight of his body as it was balanced on his feet. What was this? "Are you feeling well?" He asked, hand lightly resting on the lower part of Jim's back, as if half ready to support his weight if necessary. "The hyposprays have not left you fatigued, have they?"

“Fatigued? No,” Jim assured him, not quite understanding the question. “A little worn out from all the excitement, I guess. I should be used to it by now, right? But I hope I never get used to exploring new places, though I could do without the trips to Sickbay. That gets a little tiresome.” He tilted his head a little to the side, looking inquisitively at the other man. “Why do you ask? Do I look bad? I swear, sometimes I look a lot worse than I am. Wait...that sounds wrong.” He smiled reassuringly at Khan. “Anyway, I’m good.”

"No, you look well." Khan said, then hesitated in explaining why he had asked, as now he felt embarrassment for not understanding what Jim was after. "I asked ... because you started to lean against me. I thought perhaps you were tired." In which case Khan would have seen the young captain back to his own quarters, to ensure he was settled somewhere comfortable. 

“Oh, shouldn’t I have? I mean, I shouldn’t have presumed,” Jim said, moving away a little. “I meant it as a friendly gesture, honestly. I’m pretty handsy with my friends and people I like. And I thought maybe it would be alright to show you a little more physical support, as well.” He offered a near shy smile for Khan. “I’m sorry if I upset you instead.”

"No. Not upset. Concerned for you health." Khan kept his eyes on Jim as he moved away. "I do not mind." He said after pause, "Now that I know." Khan was quite unfamiliar with physical comforts, or gestures of support. At least in the way Jim went about them. With the augments, Khan was accustomed to much more sterile interactions. 

“That’s nice of you,” Jim said with a bounce on his toes and a little nudge to Khan’s side. “Do you mind if I show you how I like to express my friendship more physically, then? An arm around the shoulders, a pat on the back, a one-armed hug, stuff like that.” He thought Khan might benefit from those kinds of displays and take some heart from them, as well. “Nothing too invasive...unless you want a hug. I give good hugs, when I’m asked.”

A slightly cold chill spread through Khan's body as he looked at Jim with a blank expression. "I am unfamiliar with these exchanges. What am I expected to do?" At once time, Khan had ruled one-fourth of Earth, but hugging and pats on the back had not been involved. He had no training for this. Limited, almost non-existent experience. 

Jim chuckled and said, “Whatever feels natural. I won’t take anything personally...I promise.” His eyes crinkled at the edges on his smile. “A lot of guys are really awkward about touching each other, honestly. Like they don’t know how to do it or think they might catch something if they do. It’s pretty ridiculous, really. What century are we living in?” He shook his head in bemusement.

Of course, Jim, being totally bisexual and completely comfortable in his skin, was not against any kind of friendly touching, including of the more intimate kind. But he wasn’t sure where Khan fell on those kinds of things and didn’t want to push him or make him uncomfortable. Or accidentally tap into historical taboos about same gender relationships and make him angry.

Those all sounded like absurd reasons. Khan's only excuse was that he was inexperienced, and not because of any sort of gender driven social roles. Reaching out with his right hand, Khan touched Jim on his shoulder. It was a nice shoulder. But the augment did not feel he was getting much out of it, so let his hand slide down the length of Jim's arm. Well, his arm is something he had touched before when drawing his blood in medical. Still, just an arm. Attached to his shoulder. Then his hand floated over the fabric of his tunic, then pausing over Jim's chest. There was something to it. Feeling Jim breathe under his hand, sensing the vibrations in his chest of his heart beat. Yes, that was quite nice. 

Jim cocked his head at Khan and then wrapped an arm around his middle, tucking himself closer to the other man and the hand over his chest. “Like that, see? It’s a way of showing support and solidarity. Mutual benefit.” He rested his head on Khan’s shoulder briefly and then reached into the terrarium to pick up Pomphrey to join the group comfort session. His purrs soon made Jim relax even more, almost against his own will. “Damn, tribbles are very good at the whole relaxation thing.”

This time, it wasn't the tribble that was affecting Khan's nervous system. It was easy to enjoy, having Jim stand so close, lean against him like this, calm and warm. "Yes ..." Khan said softly, "this is beneficial." Khan was completely at ease. Jim was his new family. And his new family, hugged. 

“Good, I’m glad to hear it, Khan,” Jim said. “Would you be interested in joining me for a dinner with my senior staff? We do it about once a month. The others would be Bones, Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and Scotty. It would be a low stress way to try and get to know them an informal manner. And I’d like to help you integrate with my crew, who are my family, and they’re my closest friends.”

"If you believe that would be an acceptable setting." It was Kirk's call. It was his invitation. His crew. His ship. And in the end, he would be the one dealing with complaints from his senior staff if Khan's presence was unpopular. "Yes. I will join you." Khan turned his face slightly into the side of Jim's head and took a slow, but deep breath. For a moment, all thoughts of the heart ache left him. Jim was all that mattered now. 

“I believe it would be an opportunity for them to get to know you socially and vice-versa,” Jim said. “There’s a lot of work we all need to do to learn about each other and build some trust and a solid relationship, working and otherwise. Hell, I had a lot of work to do to get them to trust me when I was first made captain of the Enterprise. Uhura still isn’t always sure of me. But she’s learned to trust my judgement, where she never did when we were in the Academy together.” He blew out a harsh breath and leaned more into Khan. “I think she softened a little bit after I died...what a crazy way to win someone’s faith.”

"Is the dinner formal? What is the dress code?" Khan asked, wanting to be respectful of the way Kirk kept company with his officers. Conversation would come in time, but at least he could look the part to start. Much of his time on the Enterprise was already spent in quiet observation of others, and this dinner would likely be the same. Watching how people interacted with one another. Who was fearless, who was reserved, who lead the conversations, who had something to say on any topic, and who only participated in certain conversations according to their strength or interests. Who hid their annoyances. Who was upfront with them. Through these and similar observations, Khan would be developing tactics on how to relate to each member of Jim's staff in a way they would be most responsive to. 

“Nah. Nothing formal. Most people show up in their uniforms, though I prefer something more relaxed.” Jim surveyed Khan’s outfit, which was a standard black garb, which always made him think of both death and mourning. It suited Khan in some ways, but he thought the man would look better in something softer. “What you’re wearing would be fine. Although...you’d look quite handsome in blue. Not that you’re not already handsome. Cause you totally are.”

"I shall ... make the attempt." Khan said, already brainstorming as to how he could honor Jim's request that he wear something blue. In fact, he had something in mind already, but his fashion sense was over three hundred years out of date. He doubted he could make arrangements at such short notice to construct the style familiar to him. 

“It’s not an order or anything,” Jim said. “You’re just very...severe and intimidating in all black. I think it’s one of the reasons Starfleet gave our uniforms some color...though sometimes I think they made the poor security guys into big old targets in the crazy red tunics. Didn’t they learn from the British?” He shook his head once in mock ruefulness. “Anyway, our next dinner is a week from tomorrow. Until then, I hope you’ll continue to eat with me. In fact...are you hungry? Going to Sickbay and then confessing about my death has worked up my appetite. And I think there’s dim sum tonight.”

Khan gave only the slightest pause, only now understanding Jim with a little more clarity. The dinner with his crew was not tonight. He had time to prepare. "Yes, Jim. If you like." Any sense of an appetite had yet to return to the augment, but he did go through the motions every day, stopping and eating small meals as he was meant to. 

“You know I like,” Jim said with another light bump to Khan’s shoulder. “I only ask you all the time. And then chatter your ear off and demand your opinion on everything. Must say, I’ve gotten a leg up on Spock more than a few times because of you...it’s pretty awesome.” He rubbed his cheek against Pomphrey, who practically rumbled right off his hand. “Need some time to get ready?”

"Ah, I see." Khan said, some subtle amusement showing through in his tone. "You are looking for ammunition." Khan glanced down to the happy tribble in Jim's hand as he nuzzled the animal. "I am ready, as I am, Jim. At your leisure." 

Jim cocked his head at the augment and said, “That might be the first thing you’ve ever said to me without complete seriousness. Good thing, too, or I might have had to go on a tangent about how I don’t only want you for your brain.” He flashed his own smile and gently set Pomphrey back in his bed. “You be a good tribble,” he admonished the still purring animal. “May I use your refresher to wash my hands? Bones is always carrying on at me about proper hygiene. You’d think I was a pig.”

"Yes, you are welcome to it." Khan said, stepping away to give Jim his freedom. The refresher room was the same and standard as any other on the Enterprise, except for one small adjustment. The mirror had been removed (pried) from the wall and set on the ground, mirrored side facing the floor. The unspoken reasoning of course was, Khan detested the sight of himself. The image in the mirror did not reflect how he saw himself. 

Jim noticed this immediately and felt another pang for Khan and the evil he had suffered at Marcus’ hands. He thought Khan was handsome, but did not know what the other man saw reflected in his mirror. He would have removed the mirror secretly himself, but thought Khan might be angered to have someone in his room when he was not.

He washed his hands and then reemerged with a pleasant smile. “All ready. Let’s go and I’ll introduce you to the joy of steamed dumplings. You can even torture me by eating the shrimp ones in front of me.”

"I will not torture you, Sir, for two reasons. The second being, I do not eat meat." Khan said, hands folded lightly behind his back. However, once Jim appeared ready to go, Khan walked with him out of his room, then secured the door with a few touches to the keypad along the door frame. While Khan held no personal property, except for the gift of his tribble, his pet and his desire for privacy was enough for him to find it worthwhile in locking up each time he stepped out.

“Not even shrimp? I thought you might make an exception for seafood. Oh well, there should be a lot of tofu and other vegetarian options, so I’ll share those with you. We can split a plate of vegetarian spring rolls! Those things are awesome in some sweet and sour sauce.” Jim led Khan toward the door somewhat impatiently, having made himself hungry. “By the way, what’s the first reason?”

"Really, Sir?" Khan blinked, a bit surprised as he followed Jim along. "You need me to say it?" But since Jim asked, he would clarify. "I will not torture you. I will not harm you. Emotionally or physically. And if I do, it will be unintentionally. Teasing you even, causes a form of distress I will not be party to." 

“Teasing?” Jim asked with a startled look. “But I’m sure I’ve teased you many times. I do a lot of teasing of people I like. Have I been distressing you that way? Cause I honestly don’t know if I can just stop. It’s part of who I am, Khan. Part of my personality. But it means I like you.”

"Cruelly teasing, I should say." This was Khan's response to those he cared about. To protect, to love. And to cause no harm, even for something as small as eating a food in front of Jim   
he could not consume himself. "I- I do not find your manner distressing. Confusing at times, but I am learning."

Jim relaxed again with a warm smile and said, “Well, I’m not exactly the easiest guy in the universe to comprehend. I’m glad you’re willing to give it a try, to give me a try, Khan. That means a lot to me, too.” He continued on their way, keeping easy step with the augment. “If I ever do go too far, you’ll tell me, right? I never mean to be cruel, not when I’m teasing in fun. Sometimes, when I’m arguing with someone, I get vicious, but I’m trying to learn to curb that instinct.” It was a remnant of some ugly times, but had no place, especially now.

Vicious. Instinct. Khan gave a low rumble, "Yes, Jim. I understand." There were times, even in his broken state, when a biting remark or a fierce response was quick to come into his mind, but there was never enough fire for Khan to act on it. He was doing his best to keep from going against the grain, to find his place here. Plus, with his new understanding of things, he would be extra careful. Jim was important to him. And Jim's crew was important to the young captain. Therefore, Jim's crew was important to Khan, now, as well. He would be gentle with them, as much as possible. 

“I’m not proud of some of the things I did in the past,” Jim confessed softly. “But I’m damned proud of where I am now, and that such an amazing group of people are willing to serve on this ship, with me as captain. Me.” He smiled a little shyly and shook his head. “Anyway, dinner, before I go off on a tangent.” He led Khan into the Officers Mess and urged him toward the food. Looking over all the food, Jim said, “I’m going to have a hard time being good.”

"Other then observing your dietary restrictions, I do not see why you must be good." Khan said, even as he served himself only small portions. The thing he was hungry for could not be found on a plate. But he had agreed to keep Jim company, and found pleasure in his manic way of enthusing about everything that crossed his mind. 

Jim chuckled and said, “Don’t let Bones hear you say that. He always complains about the way I eat. Even though I work hard to stay in shape. I’m a little proud of my looks, I confess. I don’t really want to lose them by getting chunky….but I do like to eat a little too much, maybe.” He glanced at his full plate and then grinned a little guiltily. “You don’t mind that I eat meat, do you?”

Khan cast an evaluating eye over the length of Jim's body. "You are fit. And if you keep up with me, you shall remain so." He said, for the first time implying that they should do more then take meals together. Setting his plate down then taking a seat, Khan then answered the question. "I do not mind, Jim. To each their own pallet." There were no judgements on this issue, as Khan was from a different time, and the nature of food had changed a lot since then. 

“Keep up with you?” Jim asked eagerly. “What do you mean?” He hoped that meant Khan might be interested in exercising with him. He knew that would very much keep him in shape. Besides, he thought that it might help improve Khan’s spirits, too. Indeed, he was so sure of this that he said, “I’d be most grateful if you worked with me to set up a new exercise regime to keep me in top shape.”

"Yes, Jim. Precisely that." Khan gave a soft hum, clearly pleased by how keen Jim was for the idea. "An hour before your shift, we will partner one another, to remain in good health and strength." It would be a bonding experience for both men, an activity they could share together that would exercise muscles other then Khan's brain, or Jim's mouth. 

“Do you need to exercise to keep in shape?” Jim asked, thinking of the comment about keeping in good health and strength. “I’m just curious if your metabolism and general immune system prevents things like getting pudgy.” He looked over Khan’s from and said, “It’s impossible to imagine you at all overweight. And a lot of your strength is beyond that any normal training could get you.”

"Just as my protein and energy consumption is more efficient for my body, so too is my energy usage. I do not require daily activity, as being kept immobile for long periods of time wears at my mental health long before it wears at my muscle mass. But I do enjoy the stimulation and camaraderie of such activities." Khan said, then began to eat with quiet ease. 

“Well, I need the exercise and want the fun of doing them with you,” Jim said and surveyed his dim sum choices with delight. He popped a steamed chicken dumpling into his mouth and made a face of delight. “Oh, this is so amazing. Has a broth inside that just makes the entire dumpling melt in your mouth. Mmmm.” He shut his eyes and just looked ecstatic. One might even say orgasmic.

Khan arched an eyebrow slightly as Jim enjoyed, possibly overly-enjoyed his meal, but said nothing to suggest it was unseemly. He could not remember ever enjoying a meal in such a way. Food was necessary, nothing more. It was a process that held no pleasure for the augment, it was done simply to benefit his body. Then again, Khan did not know how to enjoy himself in general, and food was just another example of that.

Jim glanced up at Khan with a slightly goofy expression. “I know, I know, I’m overdoing it. But as long as I need to eat to live, I might as well enjoy my food.” He looked over Khan’s choices. “Uh, what did you get? I don’t see any dim sum.”

"A cold salad roll. Seaweed salad. And ... whatever this is meant to be, with eggplant." He said, displaying the dumpling on the end of his fork. 

Jim’s nose wrinkled a little at the eggplant and seaweed, and he said, “Well, that proves you’re a braver man than I am, but I’m not sure your tastebuds are better. Here, try some of my spring rolls.” He speared one and set it on Khan’s plate, before nudging some sauce toward him. “I would have thought that your sense of taste would also be better than that of a normal human. Is that not the case? I don’t mean to presume.”

"I can detect the components of foods or drink or poisons, once put to my mouth. But the combinations do not satisfy me in the same way as they do for you." Cutting the spring roll with the side of his fork, Khan ate the offered gift of food. If prepared poorly, sometimes all he tasted were parts of the whole, which at times was a distracting, unpleasant experience. It was difficult to enjoy pie, when he tasted the sugar, the egg, the butter, the apple, and all other ingredients separately, rather then as a finished product. Which in turn often made simpler foods preferable. Raw fruits or vegetables. Unaltered. And yet on the other hand, a perfectly made curry or cup of chai could indeed satisfy more then the base needs. "My tongue is meant for efficiency, not the joy of taste."

Jim gaped for a moment, before his face settled into an expression of grumpiness on behalf of his new friend. “That’s just not right...that’s stealing an entire source of pleasure from you.” He steamed for a moment at the idea and then asked, “Are there no foods that taste good to you? Beyond just the need for nutrients and energy.” He hoped there were some things that Khan enjoyed for their own sake, but he was beginning to feel like they were very few indeed. He sent an extra thanks for the simple love of Pomphrey. 

"Pleasure is not necessary to my purpose." Khan said in a way that suggested it was something every augment had once questioned, then came to terms with. Much in the same way that humans questioned the divine higher order or things, or their place in the universe. Khan gave a sigh though, thinking over his next answer. "There are foods that I associate with pleasant memories ... but otherwise, I find the consumption of food a tiresome process. It is therefore difficult to value one food over another, based on taste, rather then energy efficiency." 

“Oh,” Jim said and looked at their dinner with a frown, before lifting his head back to Khan. “I’m sorry, Khan. I thought that dinner would be a good way to socialize and enjoy each other’s company. I’m sure you’re aware it’s kind of a traditional way of getting to know other people- breaking bread. But if it’s a chore for you, maybe the exercise would be a better way to get to know each other. Though I’m sure I’ll stink and sweat and ache all over by the time you’re done with me. I know I’ll have fun, though.”

"Eating is a chore." Khan confirmed, "Which I would be doing on my own, on in your good company. And I prefer your company." Pausing to set his fork down and drop his hands into his lap, Khan then asked. "Have I offended you? I enjoy our meals together. I do not want them to stop. We are getting to know one another, are we not?"

“Offended me? No! I’m just pissed that you’ve been denied such a simple and enjoyable part of life,” Jim said. “I’m glad that our eating together has made things a little less of a chore. And we’ll keep them up, so we may continue to keep getting to know each other.” He straightened up and nodded once to himself. “Is there anything you’d like to know about me that I haven’t talked about?”

The question earned a small frown. This was the second time Jim had asked Khan to be free with his questions. Was there something he was meant to ask? Some sort of social interaction he was failing to observe? "Not at this time." He said quietly, as his questions would come in time, as he became comfortable with asking them. 

“Cool. I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding out on you,” Jim said. “There are a few topics I don’t ever talk about, not with anyone, but that’s a totally unrelated thing. Do you mind if I ask you a few things then? I’d love to know if you ever watched movies, way back when.” He had a fascination with the old fashioned cinema.

"I do not mind your questions." Khan said, so far not encountering anything he would refuse answering. Eating a few more strands of his seaweed salad, Khan gave a nod. "There was a brief window of time, when I experienced much of Earth's media, including music, movies and plays. I have not spent the time to follow up on the modern equivalent of the genre, but I am familiar. Has much been lost over time, or was it archived over the years?"

“Bit of a mixed bag, really,” Jim said. “What with the wars and the years of rebuilding over the years, a lot of stuff was lost. However, there were people who collected and protected as much of human culture as possible, including films. Some people got anything they could get their hands on, while others gathered specific actors or actresses or genres or time periods. In the end, it’s kind of a jumble, what was saved and what was lost. But I think the stuff that’s considered the best mostly remains.” He paused a moment and then asked, “Was it true that some augmented rulers destroyed all of human culture they could? I know the Nazis did that to the culture of the peoples they felt were truly inferior.”

"Yes. It is true. There were some regions that were purged of all media ... books and movies included, as a way of erasing all outside influences." If it wasn't of augment design, it was not meant to be apart of the new society. At least, in those regions. It was not at all how Khan ruled. There was still of course a part of Khan that felt his way had been the right way, and had he been able to dominate more regions of Earth, he truly would have managed the global rule his creators had designed him for. But he had failed Earth in the end, just as he had failed his own people.

“It is an effective, if barbarous, tactic,” Jim said quietly. “Robbing a people of their identity, as if they weren’t worthy of one.” He steered back to their previous, more pleasing, topic. “As the Earth stabilized, there were efforts made to preserve all of our heritage, old and new. Most movies were transferred to holos for permanent preservation, though actual film and DVDs and such were also saved. There are several large museums that do nothing but store visual and audio media. Some of them have more than has yet been catalogued.” He grinned at Khan. “What kind of movies did you like best?”

"I admit, I enjoyed the movies that speculated on Earth's future. Uprising of artificial intelligence. The dangers of isolation in space. Encountering aliens, either in the form of enemies or allies. Even if the science was unsound, the concepts were intriguing to me." And here they were, the future humanity had been dreaming about, worrying about, working towards. 

“Oh, wow, yes, I love those!” Jim enthuses with a little wiggle in his seat. “Especially their visions of what space species might look like. Alien is particularly interesting. Or the original The Day the Earth Stood Still. Or the original Star Wars movies… Have you seen any of those? I have them all on holo, though most of them are in the Enterprise’s databases.”

"Yes, I am familiar with those." Khan said with a light nod, thoughtful before he asked. "Do you think these movies, helped humanity become cautiously responsible with their technology, more accepting of non-humanoid life ... or are they regarded are pure fiction, and not well regarded at all?" Regardless of the answer, Khan felt he might look into watching a few titles, if he could find them in the database. 

“There’s a lot of debate about their role in helping shape our thoughts when we finally did make first contact, but I think the fact that we’d considered it at all was helpful for when the day finally came,” Jim said. “I can direct you to some of the more intellectual discussions, if you like. Many of them are still current. But for myself, I just like to watch movies without probing too deeply into meaning most times. Not always, though.”

He considered Khan and said, “There’s a weekly movie night for the Alpha shift, which we could go to after dinner. Or we could share a personal movie night weekly, if you wanted. It’d be fun to share things that way.”

"I would be interested in a private viewing, when you have the time, Jim." Khan felt it would save him from being uncomfortable with viewing classic films, only to have crewmen come up and ask him after the fact how accurate they were to portraying the time period, or other unwanted lines of questioning. "You will have to recommend popular choices from the last three hundred years. I have much to catch up with." 

“Good, we can set something up. You can show me your favorite films, and I can start catching you up on the stuff you’ve missed. I’d say I’ll show you the joys of popcorn, but that will not mean anything to you. Still, it’ll be awesome. I’m going to have to start planning what to show you. Oh, hey, should I stick to Earth stuff to begin with? I know in literature, we started with alien stuff. And we should talk about our books soon!”

"I do not mind, either way, Jim. Whatever it is you are most excited to share with me, I shall watch." He would trust Jim's judgement in this area, as his motivation was extremely limited. It was enough that he made it through each day, working his scheduled shift and keeping his promises to eat with Jim. It was difficult to be invested in any more then that, at least at this time. 

As usual, Jim felt a hint of sorrow for the lackluster response of Khan, though he understood the augment’s sentiments. “I’ll find some things I think you’ll enjoy,” he said softly and reached out with one leg to lightly rub against Khan’s, a discrete way to express his support. He popped a dumpling in his mouth and chewed slowly, clearing the air.

“How are you doing?” he asked softly once he was finished with the dumpling. His eyes darted around to make sure that there were no big ears around, but they were private in their corner. 

Khan however just stared across the small table at Jim Kirk. Did he intend to touch him like that, under the table, in public? His thoughts turned back to the hug Jim had given him, how nice that had been. He would want more of those in the future, but first needed to understand what would be asking too much. "I am eating. I am sleeping. I am working. I am well." Each statement was barely a truth, but a truth nevertheless. 

Jim debated the truth of those statements, since all of them were existing, not being well. Still, he figured he wouldn’t get much more out of Khan and said, “I’d like to hear someday that you’re happy, too, Khan. That’s my ultimate goal. And anything I can do to help you in that I will do. So, be ready for that. Cause I’m pretty direct in my actions...but I can be sneaky, too.”

"I do not understand why you are so invested in my happiness. It is enough that you have given me shelter and ensure that I eat and have a task to perform while aboard the Enterprise. All of which I am thankful for. My happiness is not necessary. I do not understand why you care." Khan said, not out of defensive anger, but confusion.

Jim blinked at him and then said, “Wow, you really have been fucked up by the way people have treated you. I’m invested in everyone on my ship, Khan. I want you to be happy because you deserve to be happy. Everyone does. And when someone on my ship is unhappy or upset, I want to give them the support needed to get well again. I’ve been where you are, at least in some form...and I know now that unhappiness is an illness, one that needs to be cured. It colors everything you are and everything you do. And fuck it, I like you. I consider you a friend, even if that’s crazy of me. And I want my friends to be well and happy. Capiche?”

Pressing his thumb into the opposite palm, Khan held his own hand like this in his lap. He was humbled. Humans could still be good, sometimes. Khan had wounded Jim in ways that could never be undone, with the death of Christopher Pike, and others, and yet Jim Kirk could still offer him the friendship and support he so sorely needed right now. "Yes." He said, swallowing back a rough gasp. "Thank you."

“You’re welcome,” Jim said and popped another dumpling in his mouth, flushed with a little passion and embarrassment. Talking about feelings was hard, completely unnatural for him, but he needed to do it for Khan’s wellbeing. And maybe for his own. Cause if he was honest… “Not that we won’t have to have some serious talks someday about all the stuff that happened in the past. Cause I think we need to clear the air, even though I’d rather slit my wrists, but there’s a lot there. Right now, though, it can wait.”

"Yes." Khan kept his eyes down, watching his thumb trace the creases in his hand. "Thank you." He said again, knowing that Jim was by no means forgiving him for the past, but he was still willing to look after him. Jim was the last bit of family the augment had, and had proven more compassionate towards his situation then those he had looked after all his life. 

Jim noted at the way Khan was not looking at him, was instead staring down at his hands, for all the worlds like a shy wallflower. And it was just so wrong, to see someone as fierce and strong and proud as Khan so unsure of himself and his place. He wished there were some way to make it better right now, but knew he had to be patient.

Which was not a Jim Kirk specialty.

“Don’t have to keep thanking me,” Jim said. “You’ve been doing great working my crew and on my ship so far, and that’s more than thanks enough. I know Bones would totally keep you in Sickbay, if you wanted that post. He’s confided to me that the place has never run so smoothly. Also, he’s had time to do more research with your assistance. And you know what a grumpy perfectionist he is.”

There were times like this, despite how well he was doing, that he felt completely shattered. Taking a moment longer, Khan maintained his silence, then after finding some confidence to stand on, wiped the corner of one eye, then the other, before lifting his gaze again. "I have come to learn that Doctor McCoy prefers to be pointed in the right direction, rather then have the answers given to him. He is a diligent scientist. And cares deeply for all forms of life. I have found working in the medical labs suitable to my temperament, and among my top choice for permanent assignment."

Jim swallowed hard on a lump as Khan wiped away what he thought might be tears in his eyes, before facing him again. He smiled brightly at the comment, though, and said, “He does. He’s amazing that way. One of the reasons that he’s my best friend is how much he cares for everyone, no matter how gruff his manner is. I’m glad you like working with him.” He returned to his food and considered another offer carefully. “What would you think to a rotation on the bridge?”

This offer had never been on the table before. So Khan did not take it lightly as he considered. "What would be my function?" He imagined it would make a lot of people very uneasy to have Khan anywhere near the bridge. But fortunately for them, he was no longer in a state of mind where he would want to commandeer a starship to fly his people away to safety. They were already safe, far away. 

“Well, I was thinking navigator or science officer,” Jim said. “But there are other spots, too. Chekov is due to work some different shifts in a more senior role, and Spock often takes a Beta or Gamma shift to spend Alpha in one of the labs. You could also do Security, since I know you’d excel there, too. You just can’t take the command seat...sorry. And I’d want to be on the bridge when you were there anyway.” 

"They would all suit me, Sir." Some a little too well. Jim would be met by concerns and hesitation if he put Khan in certain positions, but outright backlash in others. "Perhaps, navigator. If the shift allows." Though clearly Khan was willing to work wherever Jim placed him. "I would be very interested to see how staff on the bridge work together." 

“I was hoping that you might be interested in seeing that,” Jim said. “It might help you get used to my command style, too, which I know must seem very odd to you. It’s odd to a lot of people, honestly. You should have heard Admiral Archer’s comments the time he took a diplomatic voyage with us. Holy smoke! But when Ambassador T’Pol pointed out some of the trials and tribulations of his own command...well, that was totally worth it.” He grinned and shook his head. “I am glad she was offworld when Vulcan was destroyed. She’s one of the Federation’s staunchest supporters and her help has been critical in building back up the fleet after all the harm Marcus did.”

"Jim-" Khan sat forward, finally becoming a little more engaged. "I do have a question for you, now." He said, then paused to ensure he was still willing. "Can you please explain to me, what happened to Vulcan? That is, I am aware of the basic facts. A Romulan mining cruiser attacked ... and somehow made the planet fold in on itself, into a black hole. And yet, I hear nothing of a war with Romulan ... or how this was done."

Jim’s expression went flat, eyes sad and distant. “It was- it was one person’s revenge, for something that happened in the future. God, I’m not even sure how to explain…” He considered for a moment and then said, “I’m sure you’ve heard of the theory of how the smallest change in events can change everything. It’s why if you can time travel, you have to be so careful not to interfere in events.” He blew out a breath. “Everything that’s happening now, it’s different from the way it would have been, if not for Nero.”

“Nero was a Romulan from the future...though not as far in the future as you are from the past. He first entered this universe in 2233, where he encountered and destroyed the USS Kelvin, my father commanding.” Jim took a deep breath at that particular event, adding wryly, “The day I was born. He got here through a black hole, caused by the destruction of Romulus in 2387, which was complicated by the attempts of then Ambassador Spock to save Romulus by shooting red matter into their sun before it went supernova. He failed, Romulus was destroyed and Nero’s ship, the Narada, and Spock’s ship, the Jellyfish, were sucked into the black hole, which spat them out in the past. Nero blamed Ambassador Spock for the destruction of Romulus and vowed revenge on both sides of his heritage- Vulcan and Earth. He destroyed Vulcan by drilling deep into the planet’s core and shooting red matter into the hole. A few Vulcans were saved by the Enterprise and some other ships, but most were killed along with the planet.”

“Nero then turned his sights toward Earth, but we stopped him...the Enterprise, I mean. It was my first action as captain...just like ramming the Kelvin into the Narada and saving the lives of the rest of the crew in their fleeing shuttlecraft was my father’s first command. And his last. Admiral Pike was badly injured in the attacks by Nero and turned command of the Enterprise over to me permanently shortly after we saved Earth. So yeah, that’s why there are so few Vulcans now…”

Khan took in these facts with a steady frown. It was no wonder that information on the destruction of Vulcan was limited, it had to do with technology from the future, and the perils of time travel. To make the details of the red matter and time travel public knowledge would be very dangerous. Similarly, it was one of the reasons why Khan had been kept secret by Admiral Marcus. Anyone out of their time, was dangerous.

"Then there is a Romulus in another reality, that has been destroyed. Just as Vulcan has been destroyed in this one. Will the star turn supernova, and claim Romulus ... again, or will it be saved this time?" Khan puzzled over this paradox. "Have the Romulans proven themselves to be better allies, because of these events?"

"Where is the red matter, now?" Something of Khan's old self, the mastermind was slipping back through now as he inquired about the red matter. Something which could be used to time travel, to save a planet, or destroy it. But through Khan's eyes, it was a weapon, no matter how one looked at it.

“All of the red matter was destroyed, along with the Narada, when we stopped Nero,” Jim said. “In fact, we destroyed all of the technology from the future that way. It was the only thing to do.” He lifted his chin defiantly, knowing he had made the right decision, even if it had been a spur-of-the-moment, chips-are-down, tactical move. The same kinds he had made with Khan himself.

“As for Romulus...well, we’re keeping an eye on their sun, but who knows?” Jim asked. “The Romulans are even more xenophobic now than they were before, so that’s not a win, either. Nobody won… The future that should have been was lost completely. My father lived. Vulcan survived. Marcus never happened. And you-” He paused and bit his lower lip uncertainly. “Ambassador Spock, who is now known as elder Sepek on New Vulcan, told me of the other Enterprise’s encounter with the Botany Bay. I’m not sure I should tell you...but if you want to know, I will.

It was unfortunate that the events had caused Romulans to become even more withdrawn, instead of establishing ties with their cousins, the Vulcans, or at least those who were left. Then again, Khan's people had made a similar choice. the augments choose solitude and independence, rather then have anything more to do with Earth or the human race.

However, Khan suddenly felt quite anxious at the news that Jim had information on another version of himself. Had he suffered in the same way? Had he failed his people? Or was he a better version, had he been stronger? And would he be a disappointment to the other? "The Enterprise found me? Er ... The Enterprise came across the Botany Bay? What happened? Please, tell me."

“It’s not a happy story,” Jim said quietly, “though it started off not too bad. The other Kirk’s ship found the Botany Bay adrift, the way Marcus did. But it was later, and you had drifted a lot further from Earth. You- I mean, that Khan, was awoken...I think by accident...his cryotube was programmed to wake him up if the ship was opened. He led an attempt to take over that Kirk’s Enterprise, but was foiled. Even though Khan had tried to overthrow Kirk, he offered Khan and his crew a planet, called Ceti Alpha V, which was habitable, if a bit wild. And Khan took with him, as his wife, a member of the Enterprise crew, named Marla McGivers.” He paused and then said sotto voce, “I looked her up...she was killed in the battles against Nero. She never was on this ship.”

He cleared his throat and continued, “That Khan accepted the planet, and Kirk helped them settle there. But there was some sort of terrible accident in that system, and everyone thought Ceti Alpha V was destroyed...but it wasn’t...and when another starship went back to explore what they thought was the uninhabited Ceti Alpha VI over twenty years later, they found the survivors from Khan’s group. And everything went south from there. Khan vowed vengeance on Kirk for the mistake and being abandoned there, managed to kill a bunch of people, before Kirk stopped him. But in doing so...uh, Khan crippled the Enterprise in much the same way you and Marcus did. And it was Spock who sacrificed himself to save the ship, as Khan exploded his ship and all that was left of the augments.” He poked his food with his fork, not very hungry himself now. These topics sucked…

Oh. Khan glanced away. So they were dead. All of them. He was quiet for a long time now. But he owed it to Jim to be fair. "It seems-" He said quietly at first, slowly pulling his eyes away from the far wall and back on Jim again. "In any incarnation, you have helped to save me and my people. I think that is quite telling of your good nature ... that it would transcend through each universe." 

“I’d like to think that I’m good,” Jim said quietly. “I doubt it sometimes. I nearly killed you, Khan. I nearly killed all of your people, too. And shot on an unaware planet in the deal. And all because I was blinded by anger. I had all this proof of how stupid that is, how wrong it is to seek vengeance on others, and I nearly did anyway. And if you weren’t so amazingly strong, I would have beaten you into a pulp, instead of broken my fist on your face. I was so angry.” he hung his head, ashamed.

"Jim-?" Khan rested both hands on top of the table, slipping them forward against the smooth surface a few inches. "Do you mind if we go somewhere else? I would like to hold your hand." And he felt that was not something they should do in the officer's mess hall. "We are very similar, Jim. I nearly killed you, permanently. I nearly killed your people. And I nearly destroyed your planet as well ... all because of my own anger. And yet ... we survived each other ... I would like to hold your hand, Jim." He said again, "I have been hesitant, but I think there would be strength in the union of our friendship." 

“Yeah. Alright. Let’s go...to my quarters?” Jim ended up making it a question, a little unsure. But he stood and took the remains of his dinner to the recycler, feeling bad that he hadn’t done better with all of the delicious dim sum. Still, there were limits on what a man could take, and he had lost his appetite in remembering all of the sorrows that had been inflicted on them both. Some mutual comfort, he could totally get behind that idea. He waited for Khan and then headed for the hallway. “Unless you prefer your own...or somewhere else.”

Having not had any appetite to begin with, Khan had not selected much to eat, and therefore had not thrown much away either. "I support either choice, Jim. Though my room does feature a tribble, if that is of any benefit." Until then, Khan walked close to Jim, almost on guard. In their similarities, Khan felt, Jim needed this, just as much as he did. 

“Pomphrey is kind of a special enhancement,” Jim agreed. “And he does help with the comfort stuff, so yeah, your quarters it is.” He stepped into a turbolift and called for their deck. “Sorry for heaping all of that on you at once. I know that was a lot to have to digest, on top of everything else.” He leaned into Khan, this time trying to offer support, as well as find some of his own.

"I asked for clarification on a number of deeply serious topics. You managed to give me honesty in your answer, rather then deception and evasion." Khan turned his head to look at Jim, their fingers lightly brushing due to the way they stood together in the turbolift. "I appreciate that." 

“Yeah, well, after all you’ve been lied to, I figure you deserve all the truth I can give, even when the truth sucks,” Jim said. “You know, it was partly Ambassador Spock’s story of the other you that spurred me to act on your behalf. You deserve a better break than you got either time. A better break than you’ve gotten so far. I still don’t believe in no win scenarios, Khan. We’ll find you your win somehow.” He brushed his fingers even more firmly over the back of Khan’s hand.

The turbolift stopped, and Jim got out, deliberately walking at Khan’s side. He wanted to be neither ahead nor behind the other man. But he did pause to let the other man lead him into his quarters. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself. 

The truth was, Khan had never known anything like this; someone else was looking out for him. Sure, in battle the augments worked together and protected one another, but this was different. This wasn't about just surviving, this was being taken care of, and finding some comfort with life, rather then just mere existence. For a second, Khan's thumb hooked with one of Jim's fingers, no longer showing uncertainty with these touches now that he knew it was an acceptable part of their new friendship. Then tapping in the password on the keypad, Khan let the two of them into his room. "Would you like to hold Pomphrey?" 

“I think we should settle him between us somehow,” Jim said. “Share the tribble love. He won’t mind. It’ll probably make him purr and coo all the harder to have two people fawn over him.” He looked over Khan’s quarters carefully and asked, “Where shall we sit? Do you have somewhere comfortable for two?” His fingers curled a little around Khan’s in a confirming manner. The touch was welcome and would be returned. 

In the privacy of his room, Khan held Jim's hand with confidence. Their hands were joined and that's all there was to it. Jim would go, where Khan led. And in this case, over to the tribble terrarium. "I enjoy the floor, in front of the couch." Khan suggested. It was clear that while Khan did not take the tribble to bed with him, he had on occasion laid out on the floor with a nest of blankets with the animal, petting him and resting his mind from all other things. Scooping the tribble out with hie free hand, Khan held him close to his side, then proceeded to lead Jim over to the spot, much like a child dragging a sibling along.

Jim followed with a grin and no complaints. Khan was more eager than he anticipated, but it was a good thing to Jim’s way of thinking. From one place to another, before they reached the floor in front of Khan’s sofa. “Yeah, this’ll be fine,” he said and eased himself down, leaning back against the cushions. “There’s a lot of ways we could sit to increase contact...if that’s something you wanted. I’m good with anything.” He was hoping Khan would lead and settle so that he got the most out of their contact.

"After our talk ... I feel we both need this." Khan admitted as he sat down next to Jim on the floor. With his legs stretched out in front of him, Khan placed the tribble there temporarily to free up one hand so that he could reach back on the couch and pull at the blankets that had been folded over the edge. Pulling them down, Khan draped the blanket across both their laps. Then reaching under to retrieve the tribble that had suddenly been blanketed, Khan placed the animal in the fabric crevice between their legs, where it already began to purr at the warmth of two nearby bodies. 

“Sometimes everyone needs companionship,” Jim agreed and reached out with his free hand to stroke over Pomphrey’s back. Or what passed for a back on a round ball of fuzz. “We covered a lot of hard stuff at dinner...what we actually ate of it. My former therapists would be impressed with how much I shared.” He flashed a slightly embarrassed smile. “I’ve been told a lot that I keep too much internalized. It’s funny that I can talk to you easier than so many others, including professionals. Maybe I just needed someone who didn’t demand I tell him things.”

Khan made for a good listener. Not just because he was a quiet, solemn man, but because he was also observant and patient. Leaning slightly, Khan pressed his shoulder to Jim's, though kept his gaze down on the animal between their laps. "Do you think it is a burden, to share openly? Or do you not trust ... do you think, the pain or feelings you have internalized will be used against you, if you share them?" Khan pet his thumb over the top of Jim's hand as he spoke, numbing his nerves pleasantly with the repetitive motion. "I ask ... because this is how I think."

Jim nibbled at his lower lip as he considered Khan’s question and said, “I don’t know. It was hard to trust people after everything that happened. I told you that my father died the day I was born...well, it affected my mother. She didn’t really want anything to do with my brother or I afterward. And it only got worse the older I got, since I apparently look a lot like my father. She dumped my brother, Sam, and I with a skeezy step-father and ran back to the stars. It was hard to develop any trust with an absent mother, an angry brother and I don’t even want to mention my step-father...but I will, if you ask.” He sighed and leaned into Khan a little more, fingers petting faster through the tribble’s fur. 

"No, Jim. I understand the implication. There is no need to say more, until it is a conversation you wish to have." Khan however let his head drop to the side, letting the sides of their heads press together before he lifted his head again. "If you hold him closer to the center of your chest, the tribble's effect on your nervous system ill feel like you are getting a full-body massage."

Jim made a noise of protest as Khan moved his head away and leaned in to press their heads again together for another moment. He gently lifted the tribble into his hands and eased him into his chest and stroked him gently, smiling as he cooed and purred. “I love how beneficial they are for your health. How purely sweet they are. It’s not their fault how fast they reproduce if you give them too much to eat.” He then held the tribble up against Khan’s chest to let the tribble spread the love. 

“I once drove a car off a cliff,” he said, apropos of nothing seemingly, until he continued, “That was how much I hated my step-father. The bastard wanted to sell my dad’s car, one of the only things left of his that we had. It was worth a fortune. Perfect condition collector’s item with a motor my father had worked on himself. And Frank wanted to sell it for the credits...probably to spend on whiskey, his drink of choice. So, I stole the keys and drove it off a cliff to prevent him from doing it. Jumped out at the last moment and nearly went over the edge myself.”

Khan nodded once. Jim Kirk was the sort of man who rather see something he valued, destroyed by his own hands, rather then have tarnished by another. It was hard to know what to say. His own people had done something similar, choosing to see him dead, rather then then corrupt the memory of who he had been before. And yet, he could sympathized with Jim for his choice. "Was it satisfying?" Khan asked, taking his turn to hold the tribble. 

“It was,” Jim said with more than a hint of vehemence at the memory. “It was also a shame, I realize now, ruining such a rare car and the last piece of my father. Frank wasn’t ever going to get it, though, that’s all I cared about.” He paused and looked a little more sheepish. “First time I was ever arrested. Not that most auspicious start to being a teenager.” 

"How old were you?" Khan asked for clarification. "The laws were not in your favor?" A stream of troubling thoughts began to bear down on Khan, and sensing his change in moon, the tribble chirped at him, as if demanding him to be harmonious again. 

“I was thirteen,” Jim said with a little grin at the memory. “They didn’t come down too harshly on me, but there was no proof of the time as to why I had just destroyed a million credit car. It looked like the most extreme measure of acting out...especially since I nearly went over the cliff with the car. The counselors recognized the sign for what it was, and my mom did try to do something to help me…” He frowned and looked away, as that was one memory he wasn’t sharing. “It was when I was older that I really got into trouble.”

Though Khan was enjoying Jim's company, he was getting uncomfortable with just sitting there. So he shifted a little, pulling at one of the couching cushions onto the floor and pushing his end of the blanket as he stretched out on his side. Placing the tribble in the small space between them, Khan kept a hand on it, petting him gently. "Now you have made a profession out of it." Khan observed. 

“Hey,” Jim protested and made a face at Khan. “Admittedly, it’s pretty remarkable that I ended up in any kind of leadership position, but the trouble I’ve gotten in since hasn’t been of my own making. I didn’t create Nero or Marcus.” He forced himself not to be too petulant in his response. “And Starfleet and the Federation wouldn’t entrust their five year mission to someone who wasn’t worthy. Not to mention your people.”

"I didn't mean them." Khan said gently, eyes down on the tribble. "I mean-" he lifted his gaze and said with some fondness, "jumping out of cargo bay doors, to fly through a debris field into another vessel. I mean, disobeying orders, to do the right thing. I mean, having a little too much of a good time on away missions ... and by good time, I mean, getting chased down by the locals or being directed to participate in a local custom that has you swimming with eighty foot sharks ... remember, I've seen your medical charts ... I know exactly the sort of trouble you get up to ... sir." He added the last, intending for it to be affectionate rather then an actual accusation. 

Jim’s mouth quirked up at the edges into a near-shy smile. “Yeah, I guess after a little time in Sickbay and a chance to see my medical history, there’s no real hiding from you. So, yeah, I’m maybe a little bit adrenaline prone. I’ve always liked the rush. And I’ve cheated death a few times, too. You helped me a couple of those times, including saving my life in that debris field, when my helmet cracked. I guess I never really thanked you for that.” He squeezed Khan’s fingers again. “Thank you.”

"If I may admit it to you now ... I enjoyed how daring you were, Jim." At the time, Khan was focused only on his mission, his people. And killing Marcus. But since none of those things were any longer the forefront of his thoughts, he could be a little more revealing, relaxed. Resting the side of his head on his forearm in place of one of the pillows, Khan maintained this askew viewing of Jim while he squeezed his hand in return. 

“Did you?” Jim asked. “I always got the feeling you were laughing at me beneath your rather expressionless facade. Like I was something kind of ridiculous and not to be taken completely seriously. Especially when I told you things like ‘don’t get shot’ on the Vengeance. You gave me such a look.” He smiled now at the memory, which he had found humorous even then, though later events had not been funny. Khan had beaten the crap out of him, before threatening his life on the bridge. He paused and weighed asking his next questions, but finally, he did, “Khan, did you regret at all, sending me back to ‘go down with my ship?’” 

"Well ... yes. I find you quite ridiculous." Khan had said almost immediately. At the time, it had in fact been quite amusing to be told to keep safe, to not get shot at, or to see Kirk take such risk so eagerly. Humans were bewildering. "But I am fond of it." Khan sighed, relaxed, but then blinked slowly in delay as Jim asked his next question. "You belong with your people ... do you not? Why would I have kept you aboard the Vengeance, with me?" Khan relaxed his grip, feeling Jim would pull away from him shortly or make some excuse to end their evening. "I regret many things, after all the events have played out ... but at the time. No."

“You were going to kill us,” Jim said quietly and squeezed their fingers again. “You did kill me. With some help from Marcus.” He sighed and looked down at his lap. “I wish we had found you instead. I would have tried to do right by you...and maybe we could have worked things out for the better. Fuck, I wish a lot of things, too, Khan. I guess we’ve just got to deal with the hand we’ve got, not the one we wish for. But from here on out, I want to make sure you get the better cards out of it.” 

Khan was a little surprised that Jim was not understanding about being sent back to the Enterprise to go down with the ship. Yes, Khan intended to kill his people. Surely Kirk would prefer to be among his crew, rather then forced to watch, while at Khan's side on the Vengeance. Had the situation been reversed, Khan would have preferred to die with his own people. Which just as easily could have meant their ship being sucked into the orbit of a star in deep space and destroyed, but they would have been together. Or in the end, by their own hands. A part of him still felt like he should have honored their last request of him. He should have died the way they wanted, to give them the closure they were after.

"I wish that too, Jim."

Jim stroked his thumb over the back of Khan’s hand. “I’d like to think, if we both had it over again, we’d do things differently, though. But from here on out, we trust each other, right? No more mistrust about intentions and crap. We might fight sometimes, cause friends do, but not because we doubt each other that way. Just cause we’re both opinionated, stubborn jackasses.”

"Exceptionally. Stubborn." Khan said, watching Jim pet over the top ridge of knuckles on his hand. His thoughts were far away for a moment before he began again. "I was very handsome." He said, as his mind had been on the possibility of Kirk finding Khan and his crew, what the first encounter might have looked like. What he had looked like. "I had very long hair." But he said no more then that to describe himself, it was difficult to describe what he had been, when he still felt like that man inside, under all the alternations. 

Jim looked up at Khan and studied him for a moment, before he said, “You’re still handsome. Fuck, you took my breath away the first time we locked eyes across that expanse of air between the building and your shuttle. I know what Marcus did to you physically was as wrong and terrible as all of the other stuff he did, but I confess...you’re dead sexy to me. Striking.” His eyes scanned the black locks, military cut. “You would rock the long hair, though.”

"Sexy?" Khan gave a light laugh on the exhale of a breath. Rolling onto his back, Khan had to let go of Jim's hand in this new position, but he kept his head tilted back so that Jim would remain in view. Taking up the tribble that had been curled up with him on the floor, Khan offered him up to Jim for a turn. "Thank you."

“I call it like I see it,” Jim said and gently took Pomphrey to hold and stroke. He liked how relaxed Khan looked in this moment, lying nearby. “I’ve got a thing for strong men...had a bit of a thing for Spock when we first started getting along.” He put a finger to his lips. “Shhh, don’t tell a soul. Uhura would be angry; Bones would mock eternally, and Spock would probably arch his eyebrow until it literally flew off his head.” He grinned and played with the soft strands of fur on Pomphrey’s sides. “Thing is, women have always been easier, and there’s no questions that way, right? But men...I’ve always had a fun time with them, too.” He glanced back at Khan. “Am I talking too much?”

Folding his hands to cradle the back of his head, Khan proved himself to be at complete ease, as the two of them were old school friends hanging out under a tree in a park somewhere. "I imagine, you enjoyed getting ... rather, attempting to get under Commander Spock's skin, to get a reaction from him. Will you do the same with me? I imagine you like the challenge ... but are you also easily bored? Once you've won ... once that rush is gone from playing such a game ... do you move on?"

“Oh man, I didn’t try anything with Spock that way,” Jim said. “Never get tired of making him raise that eyebrow at me to indicate how illogical he finds me, especially when my ideas work, but that’s something different entirely. I knew better than to flirt or anything like that. Fortunately, I’m not completely incapable of being professional about some things. And we’re good friends now.” 

He rubbed Pomphrey’s fur a little harder while he considered his answer to the next question. “Once, I thought I never wanted to settle down. I wanted nothing more than the chase and the sex that marked a successful end of a chase...but I think maybe I’ve changed. I’d be willing to try something more permanent, if the chance came along. Dying kinda puts things in perspective, you know? I don’t want to have missed out because I’m a coward.”

"You have committed yourself to the Enterprise, and her crew. To our friends. And to me. You are not a coward ... but I do understand you, Jim. Long term intimacy is a risk to the heart ... and sometimes that takes more bravery then going into battle." Khan let his eyelids lightly close, resting comfortably with the tribble's purring somewhere just over his head, and Jim's presence nearby. As minor as this was, the two of them sitting like this, it was perhaps the first time the augment had someone else looking after him (literally, overlooking him), and he was surrendering to the experience. 

Jim looked at Khan intensely for a moment, a warm smile breaking out on his face. “You realize you said ‘our friends,’ right? Cause I like the idea that you’re beginning to see them as your friends, too,” he said. “They should be your friends by the time we’re done with this. I want them to be.” He set Pomphrey on Khan’s waist and smiled as the animal hurried up to snuggle against his chin. “”More than just part of the team...a member of the crew.”

Khan opened his eye abruptly. Had he? He was relaxed with Jim, but had he really been so unguarded with his words? Then he realized, he had. He had, without thinking much of it. "A slip of the tongue" Khan said at first, but choose to remain honest about it rather then dismiss the notion, "that perhaps reflects how I have come to see several crew members. I would call them friends, Mr. Scott. Doctor McCoy. Nurse Chapel, if I did not think they would oppose the declaration." As it was, Khan would keep his feelings of fondness he had for them to himself, where it would not be misunderstood, or resented. 

“Give them time,” Jim said softly. “They’ll come round, once they really get to know you.” He smiled with his entire being at the other man. “Just to hear you say it makes me glad all over.” He squeezed the nearest piece of Khan, his left leg, in a firm hand, but it was all friendly.

“You look so comfortable down there, I’m thinking of grabbing a pillow and joining you,” he admitted. “Just take a nice nap on the floor with Khan and Pomphrey. Sounds like a good idea. Bit of a wearing out, being a Starship captain.”

"I won't detain you, if you want to return to the comforts of your own room ... but you are welcome to stay." Khan said, enjoying the company. But he shifted now, catching the tribble in the palm of one hand as he sat up to face Jim. He was waiting for Jim to express what he wanted. If he were to leave, Khan would see him out. If he wanted to stay, Khan would arrange pillows and blankets for him to use.

“I’d like the company,” Jim said. “It’s one of the things I did like about bed companions, honestly. The sex is amazing, but the cuddling afterward is kinda nice, too. Sometimes, it’s the best part. And you look like you could use a bit of friendly cuddling. Not that you look comfortable to sleep on. You’re way too hard all over.” He was teasing with the last, eyes crinkled with amusement.

"Hm." Khan stood, keeping the tribble trucked against one arm as he approached his bed. Tearing off the first layer of blankets and an extra pillow, Khan returned, and accidently on purpose dropped half of it on Jim's head as he joined him on the floor again. The bed had not been offered. But the floor was. The floor was for friends. Friends who held hands. And, now, cuddled. 

Jim startled with a yelp when Khan dropped bedding on him, but then began to laugh in delight. The augment was playing with him! Teasing and being teased! He was loosening up a little and hopefully, recovering from the blow dealt him by his family. Jim was so pleased by this turn of events. He scrambled to help lay out their makeshift nap area and then claimed a nice half with a sigh. Toeing off his boots, he tossed them away and then said, “Alright, this is good. Nice job all.” He shut his eyes and just waited for Khan’s decision as to how he wanted to arrange himself.

Laying back down on his side, Khan watched as Jim settled as well. Some life had finally returned to his eyes, and not only that, but Khan was no longer isolating himself, he wanted to be closer to Jim, instead of pushing him away after a while. Shifting closer, Khan pressed his thumb and fingertips against the center of Jim's chest. He had enjoyed touching Jim like this before and wished to repeat the experience. "Alright? Comfortable?"

“For a floor this is rather nice,” Jim said and then looked down at the hand on his chest. “Are you feeling my heart?” he asked. “Do you like that? I remember hearing stories of people putting old-fashioned clocks that ticked into the beds of young animals because the sound soothed them, reminded them of the way their mother’s heart would have beaten. Is it the same for you?” He reached down to pull a cover over them both, along with the contentedly purring Pomphrey. “I don’t mind, by the way. I like it. It’s nice to have contact of some sort.” He settled himself back down and smiled at Khan. “A nap sounds like a better idea each second.”

"It is very pleasing to me, to have you at my fingertips." The protective instinct in Khan would therefore be altered to any distress Jim was in, or if he moved or got up as they rested together. But aside from that, the rhythm of Jim's body was so chaotic and exciting compared to the augment. His breathing or his heart rate changed, depending upon what he was saying, or doing, or even thinking. It was like reading a book, that was constantly being rewritten. "It is soothing, to have this companionship with you ... is that acceptable to say?" 

“Yeah,” Jim said a little hoarsely. “I don’t think anyone’s ever called me soothing before. Aggravating, for sure, but never soothing.” He contemplated that, as he pressed into the fingers over his breastbone. “I like it. Would those feelings be amplified if I took off my tunic? I don’t mind either way. Usually sleep in the nude when it’s just me. I won’t subject you to that...yet.” He gave Khan a sleepy, but goofy, wink and waggle of his eyebrows, still playing.

"You are my family, Jim. It is a very ... intense ... bond for me." Khan attempted to explain. His hand lightly skimmed up to the collar of Jim's shirt, teasing himself with a touch of skin and the direct connection to his pulse. "I want you to be comfortable. As you are already a comfort to me." Khan slid his hand back down, palming the front of Jim's chest through his tunic.

“Oh. I wish I could feel it the same way,” Jim said, ”so I could understand better.” He pushed his tunic up and off, so Khan could touch his skin to his taste. “There. Touch as you like.” His hand found Khan’s and guided it up his torso, letting him feel all of the warm skin there. He released his hand to allow him now to explore at will. “I’m glad to be your family, Khan, to give you that connection.”

With this permission, Khan pressed his hand flat against Jim's chest. Quietly, he just lay there for a few minutes, taking in Jim's rhythms. Pulse. Breath. Heat. But as both men began to settle, Khan shifted again, faces slightly nuzzling at such closeness. Pomphrey meanwhile seemed to sense that it was time to sleep, so the tone of his purrs began to rumble in a lower register, almost serving as white noise to lull both men. The tribble was after all also non discriminatory when it came to family, as all it wanted was peace and harmony in its family clowder, which came with lots of bonding and cuddles. 

Jim shut his eyes and let his breathing ease out into something calm and peaceful. He basked in the warmth of his companions and the covers, as well as the soothing touches of Khan and Pomphrey’s happy rumbles. In a few moments, he dropped off into a peaceful slumber, utterly devoid of any of the unpleasant images that sometimes haunted his dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

Arae Prime was a deeply exciting away mission for many subcategories of Enterprise scientists. It was a rare find for many, and the first opportunity for some to pursue their speciality. One of the more unique features was the planet landscape itself, as 5.17 billion years ago the planet had drawn in smaller moons and planetoids, introducing new minerals into both the earth and atmosphere. Because of this, the land was literally marbled with color. From space, the planet looked like a giant piece of opal, blue and green sharply cutting into red and violet. This effect was made even more astounding by the fact that Arae Prime was apart of a binary star system, and so when its two suns shined on the surface on the planet, it truly glowed.

This in turn had a great effect on the native inhabitants. Believing very strongly in duality, the sense of being one part of a two-souled whole, every individual had with them an animal companion at all times. This animal familiar was meant as a reflection of their soul, making it easier for family groups to bond. For instance, individuals with familiars that resembled goats or horses were often farmers, and would pair themselves with other hard workers that reflected their own natures. 

After five days of peaceful cultural exchanges, the crew of the Enterprise had been invited to a summoning ceremony. It was a coming of age ritual that paired a young child with their familiar, a companion they would have for the rest of their lives. The summoning itself was a simple enough thing, really. With the support of the community standing nearby, all with their own familiars, the child would stand on the edge of a black rock and call out into the vast desert. Sometimes the child was left calling for only a few minutes, sometimes hours, before a familiar would emerge, answering the call. But no matter what, it was always a cause for celebration. 

Jim tried not to vibrate with excitement, as he watched the Summoning with Spock, Uhura, Bones and Khan. He had invited the augment to join his three senior officers as a way of further integrating him into the crew. Also, he honestly thought the other man would be interested in the ceremony and knew he would be respectful (and probably have some fascinating insights).

For himself, Jim found the entire idea of having a bond with another species awesome. He’d always wanted a dog growing up, as a companion to share his lonely days with. The idea of having a permanent companion, one who reflected something of yourself, stimulated his imagination. He had a million questions about the process, many of which he had asked (as the Arae freely shared about their culture), but some of which he kept to himself, as the bonding was considered sacred and some aspects of it were not shared with outsiders. Amongst other things, you were not allowed to touch another person’s animal, unless you were the person’s family by blood or marriage. And that was hard on himself and Uhura, who both wanted to pet all of the animals. 

He wondered what the Arae would think of Pomphrey. 

The Arae looked at the members of the Enterprise crew (and the other alien races who had visited them) with a bit of horror, in fact, finding it difficult to believe that they functioned without any kind of animal companions. Jim sometimes thought they mourned a little for his people, thinking them the poorer for this lack. Indeed, he even believed some of the animals gazed on them all with a hint of incredulousness. (Or he might have been a bit paranoid...it was even money.)

There was a hushed murmur amongst the adults as the child let out her first cry, something long and low that shook the otherwise still air. And then everyone hushed and strained to hear or see any kind of reply. Jim found himself holding his breath, as he tried to imagine what kind of beast might respond.

As the geology department would later discover once they confirmed with the ship's anthropologists, many of Arae Prime's unique combinations of rocks and minerals had a profound effect on the native inhabitants, both Arae and animal alike. Some combinations amplified creativity or adrenaline or empathy, while some, like the black rock the girl stood on to call for her companion, seemed to heighten something deeper. It was a call of her heart, her soul, which none were bound to answer, and yet, like those before her, a companion elsewhere on the planet felt compelled to answer. In this case, a sort of bear, with blue and black fur and gnarled horns answered the call, jogging closer from the endless horizon to meet the girl, who was barely larger then its head.

Khan was deeply taken with the entire culture. Watching eagerly as the girl bravely and happily met the reflection of her soul, embracing the otherwise terrifying animal, before the community erupted with joy. These people understood strong bonds of family, and it knew no limits of species. 

“Oh, wow,” Jim whispered and watched the small girl get to know her new friend, the giant ‘bear’ tender and careful with the much smaller humanoid. “What do you think, Khan?” he asked softly. “Does this mean she’s going to grow up to be a fearless leader?” He looked over the horizon in the direction the animal had come. “Think if I tried anything would answer?” He exhaled and bowed slightly to the Arae leaders, who shooed them gently away. The rest of this time was private between the new companions, to let them bond. Everyone else apparently went away and partied.

Jim could get all over that idea. In fact, he generally would use the party as a way to try and find a willing ‘companion’ of his own, but what with all of the Arae’s animals and his invitation to Khan, Jim planned to be good tonight. There was always next time, even if he was getting a little itchy for some action. 

“Did you enjoy that?” Jim asked Khan and bumped against him companionably. “Tell me you wouldn’t think it was cool to have a companion animal of some sort.”

"I think if you tried anything, it would be irresponsible." Khan said, even though his own eyes were on the black rock as well, thinking similar thoughts. "You would not be able to bring a companion aboard the Enterprise, and as I understand it, you would need to be inseparable ... this is not a simple pet you can leave in your room alone while you are on the bridge, it would have to be with you at all times." Anything else would deeply disrespect the intended bond.

"But I admit ... a lifelong companion does appeal to me." He said, unable to take his eyes away from a pair of wolf-like animals, with quills down their spines as they played and postured with one another while their humanoid counterparts danced together. 

As usual, Khan made everything so serious, even when Jim was trying to keep it light. Still, he brushed their shoulders together in a friendly fashion, wanting to offer support. “There’s always a chance of that, Khan,” he assures softly. “Not in the same way the Arae bond with their companion animals, but somebody to share your life with is definitely not outside the realms of possibility. The universe is full of people...and you’re too much of a catch not to be able to find someone.”

Khan glanced to Jim, but sighed. Though he wanted companionship, Khan was keeping his heart closed to such things. Probably for the rest of his life. And yet, he did allow Jim to get close. Changing the subject, Khan asked, "Do you think Starfleet would allow a people like the Arae to serve, with their familiars on hand wherever they go? Surely, they are not the only symbiotic species in existence."

“We can find a way to make it work, should they ever want to join us in the fleet,” Jim said. “The Federation and Starfleet have some pretty ambitious plans to get non-humanoids into the program. We need to rebuild and different perspectives would be beneficial. There are a couple of species in the Federation who are near elephantine in size. There are going to be some fun specs in that design. Scotty is going to be one of the reviewers, if they can transmit to us out here.” He chuckled at the ideas the devious Scot would surely have. “There are a few non-oxygen breathers, too, who’ve expressed interest. It’ll be a very different Starfleet by the time we get back.”

"It would be very easy to accommodate non-oxygen breathers." Khan said, spring-boarding from this suggestion. "They would require a pressure suit and face shield that kept their skin and lungs exposed only to argon, or the non-oxygen environment, gas of your choice. The design could even be skin-tight, allowing the crewmember to wear it under their uniform ... and except for their face shield ... which ..." Khan frowned and reached for Kirk's PADD which he had been using for the day to record observations from the past few days. Opening up an engineering program, Khan quickly typed in the basic parameters of his thought. "A standard face shield would be too obvious that the crewmember is different ... a second skin, a bubble is perhaps more subtle ..." Khan trailed off as he designed the concept suit right there and then, which would act more of a transparent, gaseous solid, allowing for a non-oxygen environment to encompass something as complex as a head, with eyes and mouth, ears, and pours that might otherwise be exposed to something toxic. 

Jim lightly bops Khan on the arm. “You really do need more mental stimulation. We are not challenging you enough, obviously. I’d love to see your thoughts as actual concepts we could send Starfleet. If you’ve a mind to put them on PADD, that is.” He beamed at Khan, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Now, I just need to put you to work for our amphibious friends and see what wonders you develop.”

He lead the way toward the tables full of food for the celebration and took one of the ornate plates that each guest was offered. “You heard what the Arae leader said, we are all to eat our fill or they will be insulted. Now, I know you memorized everything Bones said about my allergies…” He deliberately reached for something that a single bite of would make him puff up like a balloon.

The work Khan had started was immediately put on pause as Jim began to endanger himself. "Yes. I did." Khan said, simultaneously grabbing Jim by the wrist to pull him back from danger, and thrusting his own plate out in it's place to take the offered food. "Are you expecting me to eat, everything that you cannot?" Khan frowned at Jim, but pushed him a little further along to something that was safe for him to consume. 

“I should,” Jim said, “given how little you do eat. And don’t give me that you don’t need as much. Strictly, that may be true, but realistically, I bet it would be better for you, considering how hot you run, if you ate more. So, maybe I will do that.” He shot Khan a look half-defiant and half-amused.

However, he did not do that, but stuck to the food he could eat now, having also memorized Bones’ spiel (even if he pretended not to). He also avoided anything unfamiliar, as it never paid to take chances. But he also encouraged Khan to try everything, asking their hosts for large helpings of all kinds for his friend. And grinning openly the whole time, mood high.

Khan just grumbled to himself, accepting one serving after another. He felt it was wasted on him, when others were the priority. But he had been raised to think that way, and was not about to stop any time soon. "What is your meaning, when you say, considering how hot I run?" Khan asked, actually eating a second spoonful of one of the puddings. 

“Old-fashioned terminology,” Jim said. “You do everything at an accelerated rate- move, think, feel. You almost never relax and take a break for yourself. You don’t even sleep much. An engine that did that to itself would burn itself up. Besides the literal fact that your temperature is a few degrees above a normal human’s.” He patted Khan’s arm and encouraged him to eat more. “Which is why I think you shouldn’t starve your body for the energy it needs to power all of that...and don’t give me the stuff about not needing to eat as much. If you only did what you strictly needed to, you’d be a literal machine sometimes. And I know you’re not that.”

No, he wasn't a machine. There was still something human within all the augments, Khan among them. "I shall try, Sir." Khan said, taking this as an order, rather then as the friendly suggestion it was perhaps intended. Khan ate absently, keeping his eyes on the others, watching as some familiars expressed familiarity with one another, while others made obvious moves to keep distances from others. "What do you imagine your companion would look like?" He asked, remaining vague as to if he meant an animal familiar, or if by his question he meant a life-long partner. 

Jim considered this and said, “Well, I’m basing this on a the form of companionship with an animal that the Arae have and that my animal would be an Earth based animal...I think mine would be-” He frowned a little as he tried to decide on something, which was not easy. “Well, what do you think, Khan? What would my animal be? I think yours would be a lion, but maybe that’s too easy. A bit of a cheat, considering your name. Still, it makes sense- you’re a bit more regal and graceful than any canine, even the wolf, so a feline. But you have a strong sense of family connection, hence a lion, one of the only cats who does have that kind of bond. But me? I’m not able to decide.” 

"That is kind of you to say, Jim. Perhaps I was a lion, once ... but ..." But not any more, or at least, not for a while now. "You seem more my idea of a cat ... the way you pit Doctor McCoy and Commander Spock against one another ... yes, I've seen you say something, just to get them to bicker, Jim. You like the game, you like to play, to me, that is very like a cat. But you are also in a position of power, a Captain, so that makes you a big cat ... with a commanding attitude and fearlessness ... you are befitting a lion, in my eyes." 

“A lion? Me?” Jim asked and then considered that idea. “I don’t know about that. I’m not sure I’m graceful enough in many situations.” He reached out and gently laced his fingers with Khan’s, where they were unlikely to be seen. “You’re still a lion, Khan. Still fierce and loyal to your family and graceful and regal and smart and strong. Nothing has changed about that. It’s how I see you.”

“I think my companion animal would be a meerkat, now that I have my colony. Smart and loyal and playful and underestimated and a little bit of a horndog. Though I try not to fight with my sex partners beforehand.” He wrinkled his nose playfully.

"Hm." Khan gave a friendly smirk at the thought of Jim with a troublesome meerkat always at his side. But it was soothing to hear Jim say all the things he could still see in Khan, that the augment could not currently see in himself. "Unlikely friends." He said, giving their hands a squeeze. And though the joining of their hands would be visible, Khan felt no one would notice, as he lifted Jim's hand and briefly kissed the side of his thumb, before dropping their hands down again.

Jim startled a little at that particular touch, but hid it under the huge smile that blossomed after. He felt like he was being flirted with, but for once in his rather copious experience, he really wasn’t sure. Not that he minded if Khan was flirting...he’d be happy to reciprocate. However, he didn’t want to make a mistake along those lines, not when he was the only family Khan had left. Still, he encouraged the touches, wanting Khan to feel welcome to touch as he felt comfortable. 

“Unlikely friends are the best kinds of friends,” Jim said quietly. “The kind of friends who can change the universe. Look at myself and Spock. And us. The lion and the meerkat...now all we need is a warthog.”

"Why? Is that significant?" Khan asked. He made no further attempt at showing affection or familiarity, but did maintain the union of their hands. He appreciated the fact that Jim did not leave him alone during this highly social event. 

Jim laughed a little and said, “Ancient Earth pop culture reference. It has no significance, except that I think I know what we’re going to watch on our next movie date. Which reminds me, I finished the last book you recommended- Watership Downs. Thank you for that round of depression. So, you need to decide what you want me to read next. I’m sure you’ve long since finished all of the Solar Pons books I recommended to you. And I do want to hear all about what you think of them. And their author, August Derleth.”

"Spies, assassins and espionage ...? Actually-" Another line of thought came to him instead, just as he finished suggesting the first. "My next recommendation for you is in two parts. Nearly one thousand years separates the two, but they can easily be read as companion pieces to one another. The first, is the epic poem named for the hero, Beowulf, the second was written from the point of view of the monster in the first tale, Grendel."

“Sold,” Jim said with a nod. “I’ve heard of them, but never read. I’ll see about getting them tonight...or tomorrow. Whenever I next have some free time.” 

He was distracted by a blur of blue and red to his left and looked over at Uhura and Spock, who were having a grave conversation with the Arae elders. “Can you hear them?” he asked Khan quietly. “They’re looking a little intense over there. Any need for me to spring into action?” He was only half-joking. Sometimes, it was necessary to ease relations when Spock’s logic was a little too much for a species who were less inclined to it. 

Following Jim's line of sight, Khan focused on the way both Uhura and Spock were speaking, half listening in, half reading their lips. "Yes." He said, then took another few minutes to get the full story before explaining. "Uhura asked if there was ever an instance where a child's call was left unanswered. The elders are explaining that it is rare, but there have been a few times in the past where a child calls and no familiar answers. These children often make an attempt to reach out the following years, but it seems, if the call is unanswered the first time, there are no second chances. Commander Spock is asking about the fate of these children ..."

“Ah,” Jim said and relaxed into his seat again, hand squeezing Khan’s once in thanks. “No worries then.” He glanced over at Uhura and Spock again, before leaning into Khan. “I think they’re getting more and more interested in talking about children’s issues because they’re starting to think about it themselves. At least after we get back from our five-year mission. But they’ve been together long enough now, that I believe they’re starting to think about marriage and children. Their children will be so cute, too.” He smiled, a little soft around the edges. “I hope that they’ll ask me to marry them.”

Khan took the time to take in how Uhura and Spock related to one another in public, how it was clear they were familiar with one another, finding common ground so that one was not always accommodating the needs of the other. "Do you believe they would observe Vulcan or human traditions for marriage?" Khan asked, then finally looked away from the two, recognizing that Spock was aware he was staring at them. 

Jim considered this and then said, “I think they’ll ask for both, honestly. Two different ceremonies. Very different. I hope I get to go to both. I’ve always wanted to see a Vulcan wedding, and I think I can stand in for whatever passes for a best man. At least, I hope Spock would want me to be there in that role.” He lightly bumped Khan’s shoulder. “I take it you never married.”

Glancing to the side where Jim bumped him, Khan then dropped his gaze to their hands as his fingers adjusted their hold. "No. Never married. Is that ... obvious?" There had never been time, nor a situation where it would have been allowed for his heart to love just one, not when he had millions to look after.

“Just from the way you’ve talked to me about your life in the before,” Jim said and studied his face. “I think you’d benefit from having someone to stand beside you, Khan. A partner.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of Khan’s knuckles. “Or maybe I’m just projecting. I bet you could have married anyone you wanted to, when you were emperor. Had women falling all over themselves over you. Men, too.” He reached out and lightly touched Khan’s right cheek, where they were sharp enough to cut and then blushed. “I saw pictures of you before, too,” he whispered softly. 

Khan blinked slowly at the touch, finding himself completely at ease with it, despite the public venue of it all. "There were likely many instances-" though Khan had either ignored them or hadn't even noticed at the time "but I was preoccupied with the endgame, to allow myself to be distracted by companionship." However, the way Jim touched him and mentioned that he had seen pictures of him before, somewhat soothed his sense of dysmorphia, Jim understood and knew what Khan was at his core, and was not afraid; he could see him. "Do you believe you would benefit from someone standing beside you, Jim? A partner?"

Jim bit his lower lip for a long moment and then said, “I don’t know if I’d make anyone a good partner. I’ve never been any good at making relationships work before, not that I’ve really taken the plunge. Still, I can see the benefits. If I found somebody who fit beside me as well as Spock and Uhura do...I’d take that plunge. And I’m sure that my personality could use some buffering and support.” He smiled a little shyly at Khan and said, “You may be good at ignoring offers of companionship, but I’ve taken them up on a one-night basis almost as often as they’ve been given since I was fourteen to the time I got to be a captain.” 

"Is that satisfying?" Khan asked, not with judgement but with genuine interest. Casual coupling seemed a common state in the evolution of human sexuality, but the augment, who was wired quite differently was not sure it was right for him. What was satisfying to him however, was holding Jim's hand, a casual union that Jim might otherwise see as childish compared to his vast experiences, but to the augment, it was an intimate connection.

“I found it so for a long time,” Jim admitted. “I was pretty gun shy after my mom and brother and everything, so, I didn’t really want a long-term relationship. But it was nice to be wanted, to find mutual pleasure with another person, even if it was just physical. And I liked knowing I could give somebody else those kinds of feelings, make them moan and come.” He spoke without any kind of shame, though he wondered what Khan thought. “I didn’t feel so lonely that way. Now...well, now, I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my crew. And honestly, after I came back from dying...it didn’t really work for me anymore. It was empty and lonelier than being alone.” He shrugged and said, “Probably for the best in terms of my future.”

The crude wording was not something Khan would use himself, but he showed no discomfort, other then to pull his head up a little, taking away only Jim's meaning, rather then the shock value of his use of language. "If I may imply ... it sounds as though you are looking for something meaningful, for the long term, rather then on a night-to-night basis. A partner, who will be there ... and who may satisfy you, regardless of your whim ... rather then needing a new lover for each, shifting, mood."

Jim nodded and said, “I think it’s fair to say that I need something more complicated now than I ever wanted before. Pike- he would have said that I’ve grown up some...maybe I deserve the captain’s chair now. He told me I didn’t before- before everything went to Hell with the archive and Marcus.” His face got downcast, as he remembered one of his last conversations with his mentor and father-figure. “I want to be worthy now.”

"You are worthy, in my eyes, Jim. If that holds any meaning for you." Khan said, eyes forward, knowing the pain he had caused. "Instead of making an easy choice, you choose the right one instead, by saving my people ... and even in saving me. You should not dismiss it lightly. But with me and my people. With your own crew. With countless of other scenarios ... you have made the right decision ... you have chosen to protect, rather then harm ... to learn and explore, rather then ignore anything that doesn't fit your own perception ...you care for your people, no matter their status ... you care for people, who aren't even your people ..."

“That’s what the Federation is supposed to be about, Khan,” Jim said softly, turning to look at him again. “Valuing all life, especially those different than us. Otherwise, what the Hell are we even doing out here?” 

There was a familiar laugh nearby, and Jim glanced over to see Bones talking with a rather lovely young Arae woman. “Like that,” he said with a jerk of his head toward the two talking- Arae and Human. “It’s one of the reasons, I think our ships need more non-humans. The Enterprise has the largest contingent of non-humans, but the proportions are still skewed too heavily toward Terrans.” He cleared his throat and said, “I may even be a bit passionate about it.”

"That is my meaning, Jim. Valuing life, is what you are meant to represent. And you do."

Khan shifted so that he could look at Jim, nearly face on as he spoke now. "You are aware of the need of equal representation. You ensure the most competent individual is assigned a job, without prejudice towards their species or gender. The Federation is more than just a human endeavour ... and by your leadership, you are ensuring that humans do not fall back into old, xenophobic, ethnocentric habits."

Jim ducked his head, a little embarrassed by the words, but obviously flattered, too. “And you, Khan,” he asked, lifting his head to look into his new friend’s eyes, “where do you see yourself in the scheme of things? I feel like you’re doing better, Khan, but I want to hear you say it. I want you to feel like you have a place on my ship, too, cause you do.” He looked down at their joined hands and squeezed Khan’s fingers lightly. “You have a place in this universe, Khan. And you can help us fight the good fight.” 

"This." Khan agreed, giving Jim's hand a squeeze in return. "I see myself, standing by your side. I have been a leader before, I know what it means, to stand alone." But Khan was not that man any more, in the sense that he was no longer leader, but also, he was no longer alone. "You are my family, and my Captain, which means you have my love and my loyalty. My daily function on board the Enterprise may change from time to time, but in the grand scheme of things, as you say, Jim, I see myself at your side."

“Oh,” Jim said and blinked a few times. “Do you mean...like we discussed? A life partner, Khan?” He was a bit startled by the idea, though not completely so, from some of the behaviors he’d glimpsed. But it was possible he was reading it all wrong, and Khan meant nothing of the kind. He had to be sure.

"That would be extremely presumptuous of me, don't you think?" Khan said gently, petting his thumb over Jim's finger this time. "I may not be your lover, Jim, but I am your friend ... a friend who will remain with you, at your side, for the rest of your life." He could not imagine being anything more, because he could not imagine that Jim would ever want Khan in a more intimate capacity. And anyway, it was a powerful thing already, to have Khan Noonien Singh as a loyal friend. 

“Oh,” Jim said and this time, blushed a deep red. “Guess it was pretty presumptuous of me, too, Khan. You have so much to offer a prospective partner.” He cleared his throat and caught Khan’s gaze again. “You’re welcome and appreciated as my friend, but I want you to want something for yourself, too. You deserve more. Cause you already have the first part...that I promise. You are my friend, and I welcome you with me for as long as you can be.”

"This is what I want." Khan gave Jim a worried look, feeling he was not understanding the truth of his words. "Sharing your life, is what I want for myself." It might not be perfect, but it was where Khan best fit. And anyway, his friendship with Jim was really the only relationship he wanted. "You ... think I am wrong to want that?"

“Fuck, no, that’s not what I meant,” Jim said. “It’s not wrong to want a friend...family. I’m sorry if it sounded like that was what I was saying. If that’s truly all you want, Khan, that’s fine. But you can want and have more, too. That’s what I meant.” He fell into silence, still gazing at the other man, hand clasped in his. Surrounded by the celebrants and other members of his crew, Jim nonetheless felt like he and Khan were far divorced from them.

“Hey, let’s go walk through the gardens, huh? The High Priestess indicated how proud she was of them and that our visiting them would giver her honor. And we can be by ourselves. Yeah?”

With a single nod in agreement, Khan stood, but kept his eyes down on their joined hands. Then once Jim was on his feet, Khan raised his gaze to find them the easiest path out of the gathering of locals. Once they started to separate themselves from the rest, Khan spoke up again. "I apologize if you feel burdened by my words." Jim had no obligation to Khan, not even to maintain their friendship, even though that had been Jim's idea to begin with. 

“Burdened?” Jim asked and shook his head firmly, looking toward Khan. “That’s not the right word at all. Privileged. A little nervous maybe. It’s a lot to live up to-” And suddenly, that cocky smile that was all James Tiberius Kirk flashed at Khan- “but I will. I’ll make you the damn best friend ever.” He led them both deeper into the garden, just wandering on the winding paths as he wanted.

“So, I was thinking you could work Alpha shift in two days. You’re going to take up Chekov’s Navigator post, as he spends a few shifts in Engineering with Scotty. I’m thinking you and Sulu will be a pretty awesome team up there. Someday, he’s going to man up and ask you to fence with him.”

Instead of being cautious of the suggestion, or finding it troubling, Khan smirked to himself and maybe even hummed happily at the thought. "I would enjoy that." He said, showing a bit of his reserved warmth. It wasn't about being attacked, or even violence. It was about playing. About skill and art. And having a challenge. "Thank you for arranging it, so that I might work on the bridge." 

“Sulu loves to fence, but they are very few people on the Enterprise who are any match for him, so you’d be doing him a favor. I bet you can teach him a few moves, too,” Jim said and stopped when they came to a dead end and a fountain. “This is nice,” he said, as if noticing his surroundings for the first time. “How did we get here?” He looked around, shrugged and led Khan back up the path they’d just been walking, before turning randomly at the next path they came to. “Anyway, it’s not a problem, having you work on the bridge, I mean. Spock may eyeball you a little bit, but he does that to me, too.”

The garden was very lush, and served as a natural barrier to block out the sounds of the celebrations a little further away. And though less then seven percent of the planet's surface held water, there were in fact great natural underground water reserves, which was the source the fountain drew from, trickling out to maintain the exceptional plant life.

"I understand, Jim." Khan was accustomed to wary looks and whispers, as they mostly went ignored. Even so, he was not looking forward to Commander Spock keeping an eye on him at all times. The trouble was, both Khan and Spock were patient men, which meant it would be a long, silent battle before one of them would be the first to fold. 

“No you don’t,” Jim said playfully. “The two of you are nursing grudges against each other. I’m going to have to demand you bury the hatchet someday soon...and not in each other’s back.” He squeezed Khan’s hand to let him know he was just kidding, as the augment still took him too seriously sometimes. “Seriously, just keep doing what you’ve been doing, and it’ll all go fine. More and more of the crew are relaxing around you...now, you just need to let them be your friends, too.”

The truth was, Khan had never really been close to humans. Sure, he had been responsible for the care of billions, but that wasn't the same. He had enjoyed their music, art, and literature, but had always kept himself separate, never allowing himself to be distracted by individuals, only the bigger picture. "Thank you, Jim. I shall try."

“That’s all I ask, Khan,” Jim said. “Not being exclusive applies to people, too, after all. We all need to branch out and try to form relationships with a lot of different people and races. It’s all the better for us personally, as well as for the ship as a whole. And you’re no exception. People need to learn to accept you...and you need to learn that other people can be good for you, too.”

There was a difference between being tolerable and harmonious. Until recently, Khan's presence had been tolerated, and in turn, Khan tolerated others. But for them to truly function well as a pack, as a family group, as a crew, more than just an olive branch needed to be exchanged. Khan would have to accept teasing and playfulness in others, not from just Jim. Though he had somewhat of a head start on that already from Mr. Scott, as some of the things he ranted about were in fact quite humorous, though half the time Khan was not entirely sure if the conversation was directed at him, or if the man was just talking to himself. 

Jim wasn’t sure what to make of Khan’s silence and plowed on, “I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong, Khan. I just want to see you have more of a support group. To have people you like to be around and interact with. You know...Keenser is a lot of fun, if you can get him away from Scotty. He’s hilarious and totally friendly. But yeah, usually he and Scotty stick together like glue. Some days, I swear those two are more than friends...if you know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows goofily at Khan.

Khan however paused abruptly. "And if they are, is that any of your concern?" he asked, protecting Mr. Scott in his absence. He didn't know what to make of Jim's comment. Being familiar with his crew was one thing, but trespassing or making implications upon their private life was something else entirely. 

Jim halted and turned to look at Khan, confusion all over his face. “You mean as captain? Not unless it interfered with their work. But as their friend...hell, yeah! It’s totally my business to root for them and make fun of them and do all the friend stuff. I mean, the two of them have to know each other better than anyone else on the crew does, considering they were stuck alone on Delta Vega for years. I have to admit, Admiral Archer can be one scary dude. Thank goodness the dog finally came back…”

"What they know, or don't know about each other, or what they do, and don't do with one another is their business." Khan scowled. "You are an invasive friend." No, he did not approve. Friend. Family. Captain. Or otherwise. But then again, he had an old fashioned way of thinking. And feeling. 

Jim stared at him for a long moment and then began to chuckle softly. “Aw, man, I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick here, Khan. I mean...Scotty’s been making fun of my relationships, such as I described, since I first met him. And Bones? He gave me Hell when I first met Carol Marcus. Just razzed me all over the place, especially once he found out she knew Christine Chapel. it’s just what friends do. Not with everyone, of course...okay, I’m a horrible person, I like to tease Spock and Uhura about their relationship, too. As long as they don’t really mind. And Uhura likes to put me in my place when she has a reason to.” He turned to continue walking, a huge grin on his face.

The line of discussion had nearly become a fight, most certainly a very big misunderstanding, and yet throughout, the two men had still seen fit to hold each others hand. Their strange partnership would not be broken so easily. "You enjoy it, then ... the banter, the gossip, the teasing? It is friendly, to both sides? It is not harmful? It is not derogatory?" 

“Fuck no!” Jim said firmly. “That would be another thing entirely. I would have to kick anyone’s ass who dared. And that goes all around for my crew. No judgements. I certainly am in no position to throw stones, and there’s no call for it anyway. Some people still are xenophobic, but they have no place on my starship.” He made a deep noise of grumpiness.

“But yeah, we like to tease in fun,” he continued. “It’s just another facet of a friendship. Not strictly necessary, and if someone is truly uncomfortable or distressed, you have to learn to back off. I wasn’t always great at that line, but I’ve learned now. For the most part. Sometimes, Uhura still has to hit me with a clue.”

"Oh. I see." Khan said quietly, taking it in. This sort of friendliness was very new to him. And while he was not about to try it out anytime soon, now at least, he knew. Reaffirming their union, Khan gave a light squeeze of their fingers together. "Do people ... tease-" Khan hesitated in asking the thought now on his mind, "regarding the way I am, with you?"

“Bones does, but he knows me better than anybody else...except maybe you,” Jim said. “The others are still trying to figure out what our relationship is. But they know that you’ve been through some hard times, Khan, and honestly, you don’t strike most people are someone open to being teased. I do it ‘cause I know you. And I hope you understand that it’s just another way I show you that I like you. That I’m comfortable around you and trust you not to take offense at my ways.” He rubbed his thumb over Khan’s knuckles again and said, “I kinda wish they would tease a little more. It’d be a sign they were getting used to the idea of you being part of the crew and my friend.”

Khan would have to listen for it, if such teasing was a sign that they had grown comfortable with his presence, rather then something as simple and mindless as gossip and speculation. For now, Khan simply just wanted to keep his head down, work, interact with others when asked, but mostly keep the spotlight off himself. "Yes, I am beginning to understand your humour." There were still instances where Khan was confused by Jim, a great deal, but even then he just let it roll off him, dismissing it at Jim being Jim and taking no offence to it.

“Understand it or just accept that I am a strange, strange individual?” Jim asked with a huge grin. “Be honest, you find me completely unorthodox, but humor me anyway.” He lightly bumped his side into Khan and then stopped again as they came to yet another dead end, this one a large pond surrounded by hedges. He carefully knelt at the edge and peered into the water, though he kept his hand entangled with Khan. “Are those fish?” he asked, watching some small creatures dart around the bottom.

"Very well. Honestly, I find you strange and unorthodox, it is true. However, I would miss these traits, if you changed." That was to say, Khan liked how unbalanced being with Jim Kirk made him feel sometimes, he liked that Jim was different. Kneeling down to one knee, Khan followed Jim's line of sight, "Yes ... it appears so. I wonder if they are native," considering the planet's severe lack of water on the surface, "or if they originate from the underground rivers and lakes."

“They’re beautiful,” Jim said. “Look at their bright colors. You wouldn’t think those were a good idea, since they attract so much attention. But maybe they’re not good to eat, or like poison dart frogs! They’re bright to say, ‘don’t eat me, cause I’ll make you sick!’” He leaned into Khan to test if the augment would accept his weight and might even like that.

“I am unorthodox, like I told you before,” Jim said, “but it works for me...and for my crew. I hope it will also work for you.”

"I am quite fond of it." Tipping his head to glance down, Khan watched as Jim began to lean into him. And while he felt like nuzzling the side of his head when Jim did this, Khan resisted the urge, showing control over himself. "Or perhaps the flashy colors are meant to attract a mate, in the darkness of the deep underground ... however, such colorings would still require some light ... perhaps they illuminate or glow."

“That’s true. Being colorful often helps attract the opposite sex,” Jim said and looked over to Khan. “You don’t need it...not that I don’t think a bit of blue or silver wouldn’t make you even more handsome.” He glanced back at the water and watched the fish chase each other around. “Do you mind my leaning on you like this?” he asked. “It’s kind of nice how strong you are, that I don’t even have to worry about being too heavy. And you’re nice and warm.” He swished a hand in the water to watch the fishes’ reactions.

"I don't mind." Khan said, finally dropping his second knee so that he could sit back on his heels, taking Jim's weight with ease. And while the fish were attracted to the quick movements of Jim's hand and fingers, they barely held Khan's attention as his mind drifted at the sight of Jim's neck and jaw line in profile. "Perhaps for a special occasion, I will dress up, in blue and silver."

“Hmm, now I may need to come up with a formal occasion to get you to wear something more colorful,” Jim mused and shot an amused glance at Khan. “Actually, I was relieved that the Arae didn’t want our dress uniforms for today’s ceremony. Those things have the worst collars. Like strangling yourself with your shirt.” He wrinkled his nose. “Actually, I’m thinking I might make pants an option for all of the female crewmembers on the Enterprise, too, now that we’re far enough away from Fleet HQ for anyone to tell them.”

"The implication being, pants are not currently an option for your female crew?" Khan frowned at this news. "I am surprised by this, if it is true. I would think, dressing to gender roles an outdated concept. And what of the spices that are neutral in their gender, or represent the third, or fourth sex?" Testing whether or not Jim would accept the gesture, Khan lightly placed his hand on Jim's back, wanting this simple touch, enjoying how it felt to have Jim lean against him, secure in his presence. 

“During away missions, there’s an option, but no, those mini skirts, which I admittedly like for very unprofessional reasons, are part of the official uniform for those species that have a gender that specifically identifies as female. Those of neutral or androgynous gender can choose between the two, as well as those of ‘non-traditional’ genders. Meaning non-human ones. I’m afraid those uniforms are a throwback to the days when most of the main roles were held by males. I’m just hoping they get phased out...but it takes forever to get something done in a large bureaucracy.”

"Yes ... I am familiar." Khan said softly, barely audible.

"Jim." Khan prompted after a few minutes, his hand now higher up on his back, "This may be an odd request ... but may I touch your hair?" He asked, fingers now ghosting the back of his neck, wanting permission to pet his fingers through the short, fluffy, soft-looking blond hair. 

“My hair?” Jim asked and reached up to touch it himself with a quizzical look. He smiled as he remembered Scotty’s comment about ‘Captain Perfecthair,’ even though they had been made in a rather stressful time. “Yeah. If you like. You can even mess it up, if you want.” He leaned his head toward Khan, offering freely and without any restrictions. “I grew it out once, but it really didn’t work for me.”

Letting his fingers slip up the rest of Jim's neck, he slowly combed through the short hair. It was in fact quite soft, and warm too. Indulging in this small pleasure, Khan smiled to himself. The palm of his hand ended up cupping the back of Jim's skull, finger tips rubbing against his scalp. But as his curiosity was quenched, he finally let his fingers slip away again, hand resting against his back once more. "Thank you for indulging me."

Jim’s eyes closed as those strong hands rubbed through his hair and along his scalp. He made a contented noise at the touches, just melting into them. “Argh,” he said as those hands left again. “You didn’t have to stop. That felt nice.” He leaned forward again invitingly, angling his head toward Khan’s hands. 

"Oh?" Khan gave something of an amused hum, "Good." It meant he might be allowed to do it more often. Slipping his fingers through the short hair, Khan brushed it manually in the opposite direction, messing it up a little, though parts fell back naturally to their normal state. Though Khan still got pleasure out of it, this time, he watched to see what Jim got out of the experience as well. It was a bit intimate, touching someone's head like this, but Jim proved that a lot fell under the umbrella of friendship, making this acceptable. 

Jim sighed and then hummed contentedly at the gentle touches, pushing into them to show how welcome they were. He opened his eyes a slit to watch Khan, not wanting to ask too much of the other man. “May I return the favor?” he murmured, voice slightly slurred with pleasure. He really did enjoy being touched, even if this wasn’t a build-up to sex, which was still his favorite kind of touch. But he was a little starved for some affection this way, since his sexual activity had been well curbed of late.

Khan grinned at Jim, looking very much like a cat happily settled in the sun. "You want to touch my hair? Massage my scalp?" He prompted, giving nimble little scratches with the pads of his fingers against the back of Jim's skull. "Yes ... if you would like." He said, still not taking his hand away. In fact, he added one, pressing his free hand to the front of Jim's chest, resting gently just below, and to one side of his collarbone.

“I like very much,” Jim said, aware of the hand now on his chest, near his heart. He eased himself over so that hand slid to rest directly over his breastbone, even as he reached out with one hand. “I kinda wanted to yank your hair out the first time we met, but I have to admit, you managed to look artfully tousled instead of the completely messy you should have been.” He played with a few strands, just running them through his fingers. “That’s softer than I would have thought,” he murmured and stroked a little more firmly. His eyes kept a close watch on Khan’s face for signs of approval and disapproval, testing his welcome with all touches.

Similarly, Khan kept his eyes on Jim as well. And though Jim made mention of that day on Qo'noS, Khan did not currently see or hear any of that anger that had resulted in his one-sided beating. Unintentionally, Khan began to slowly lean his head into Jim's fingers, quite enjoying the experience. Even while his fingers continued to work down the back of Jim's neck. "I've never really had anyone play with my hair."

“That’s both hard to believe and not,” Jim said, after a moment’s consideration and more stroking of the soft dark hair. His fingers reached Khan’s scalp and dug in to the sensitive area, massaging with the knowing touch of a skilled lover. He’d had more than one person nearly melt in his arms from the way he stimulated their scalp and played with their hair. (Honestly, he’d memorized which species were more sensitive in these areas. Yeah, he was a horndog.) “On the one hand, as the emperor, I can’t help but think you had lovers, even if they weren’t of the permanent variety. And some of them must have thought your long hair was hot. On the other hand, you can be a bit unapproachable when you want to be, so maybe nobody dared.”

"For a time, it was suggested that it would be befitting if I had personal attendants ... but I found the experience invasive, I did not like it, so it did not last long." Khan was truly a private man, and had been singularly focused on his task. With no distractions. No creature comforts. No indulgences. No abuse of power. Those were human traits, not his. "Similarly, I did not have lovers ... but this is ... quite nice." He said, his own eyes closing lightly, relaxing into the feeling. 

“Yes, you strike me as liking to do things yourself,” Jim said, moving closer to caress the back of Khan’s skull. “I’d find that very strange, too. I don’t think I’d enjoy having people trying to assist with every part of my life, either. I like dressing myself and think I can handle my own bathing, too.” His smile deepened at the way Khan obviously enjoyed his touches and added a second hand to carefully muss Khan’s bangs forward and over his face, again. Playful, but still giving Khan pleasure through his fingers. “You like this, though.”

Dropping his head forward, Khan allowed the slightly longer hairs to fall forward in front of his eyes, by the way Jim was brushing them. His head hung like this, surrendering to this experience while his own hands came to a standstill just where they were. Hanging onto Jim like this, there was a warm purr to his voice now, "Yes ... I like this very much."

“Good,” Jim said. “You just relax and let me show you how sometimes it is nice to be pampered.” He tugged lightly at the long hair to allow it to fall even more over Khan’s face. “You would make long hair extremely sexy, you know.” He smiled a little and asked in a low voice, “Will you call me captain now...in that voice?” As he asked, he rotated the tips of his fingers in small circles at his temples, moving them slowly toward the crown of his head. 

The augment had never before craved such contact before, but now that he had it, he wanted it more and more. "Yes, Captain." Khan purred after a slow, deep breath. With his head bowed, Khan's hands slipped from where he had been holding onto Jim. Dropping down, Khan blindly rested them somewhere been Jim's hips and the tops of his thighs. A few more soft, pleased noises managed to escape as well before Khan added, "What are your orders, Captain." There was nothing but pleasure in his voice, and perhaps a hint of play, too.

“Orders?” Jim asked and then with a very pleased expression, said, “You are ordered, Khan Noonien Singh, to relax and enjoy this. Don’t let yourself think about anything except how good this feels. And trust me. Understand?” He stood as he spoke, one hand always in Khan’s hair as he moved around him. Making careful pincers of his fingers, he lightly pinched both of the augment’s earlobes and rolled them and then slid them up the perimeter of his ear to the top, before working back down to tug them again.

"Yes, Captain." Khan groaned softly, barely bothered to open his eyes to watch Jim move around him. The touches drew out a few embarrassing, but genuine, whines of pleasure from the augment. It was not like him to be vocal like this, but neither was it like to him allow this sort of intimate touching. He was showing Jim a great deal of trust, not just with the physical aspect of it, trusting that what he was doing would only feel good, but there was also emotional trust there too, trust that Jim was right, that he was allowed to enjoy this and feel good. 

“See, it’s not even hard to do,” Jim murmured and gently drew his fingers through Khan’s hair, from his hairline to the back of his head. He repeated this effort multiple times, moving his hands to encompass more of Khan’s head and then slowly rotating back to the other side. “Just let yourself relax. You hold yourself so upright and tense all the time, like you’re always on guard. It’s good just to let go of that sometimes, allow yourself to relax.” He felt a warm pride at how much Khan trusted him to show this side of himself. He wondered how often it had been displayed to anyone.

The answer of course was, never. Never willingly, at least. Admiral Marcus had reduced Khan to vulnerable states several times, but those were hardly positive experiences, pleasure was certainly not a factor then. But the attention Jim was giving his was delightful, and melted his brain a little, in a good way. Jim was picking his way through Khan's armor, he had from the beginning, and he was finally beginning to see the results of his efforts. A subdued, happy side of Khan, that was trusting, instead of being on edge, aggressively on guard every moment of his life. 

Jim eased himself to his knees and let his hands travel down Khan’s neck, moving to massage the strong muscles there. He proceeded up and down his shoulder blades with his thumbs, just trying to ease some of the rigidity there. “If you wish, I could give you a complete ‘Kirk Massage’ sometime. Guaranteed to turn you into a melted pile of goo. And hopefully leave you feeling good for several days, at least.” His fingers moved to the top of his shoulders and squeezed in a steady rhythm. 

"Kirk Massage?" Khan mumbled curiously, "You have a trademarked style? What does it involve?" Khan glanced at Jim out of the corner of his eye as he felt the touches to his head and hair evolve into a massage of his shoulders and back. Not that he was complaining. It was actually quite pleasant, as Jim managed to offer just enough force to each movement, working away at tight knots and hardened muscle that had never before received such attention. 

Jim wiggled his head from side-to-side in pure swagger and grinned at his friend. “I should patent the name and style,” he bragged with a playful wink. “We can take an evening in a few days, so I can gather the needed supplies, and then I’ll give you the full body work. For now, you’ll have to be content with my working out a few of these knots.” He was kneading away at one at the base of Khan’s neck. “Fuck, you are a mass of tension...really powerful tension.”

"Yes, Captain." Khan purred. His shoulders dropped, resting in a less rigid, more natural position. Though if this was the standard by which Jim gave massages, it was a good indicator that Khan would be quite responsive to it. He might even need a bed close at hand, so that he could sleep off the relaxing experience. As a few nerves were tweaked, a powerful shiver crawled along Khan's back, causing him to give a few involuntary twitches. 

“Sweet. I’ll pamper you like you didn’t even know it was possible to be pampered,” Jim said, already planning his ‘assault.’ It had been a long time since he had the time (and frankly, the inclination) to do something so elaborate. In the past, he’d used it as a seduction technique for someone he desperately wanted to get into bed and thought might be a bit impervious to his general strategies. One full ‘Kirk Massage’ usually persuaded the most reluctant partner to enjoy the more intimate pleasures he freely offered, as well. 

But Khan was different. Although what he proposed was an intimate act and one that was not ‘traditional’ among friends, Jim believed Khan would strongly benefit from more casual touching between people, as well as from relaxing his strictly rigid posture and attitude. And nothing said relaxing more than a massage. So, Jim would have to curb his own responses to touching so beautiful a specimen and focus purely on giving to Khan something he needed.

"As you say." It was a fair statement, Khan had never been spoiled before, at least not in the way Jim had planned for him. He would be uncertain about how he was meant to behave, unless Jim managed to steer him correctly, just as he successfully managed to handle him now. But it was good far Khan, not to be so caught up performing to expectations, he did not thank Jim for his attentions as he perhaps should, instead, he savoured and surrendered to the experience, his mind currently absent from guilt at inducing in such things. 

“I like this version of Khan,” Jim decided. “Agreeable and willing to listen to the captain.” He placed each thumb on either side of the back of Khan’s neck, straddling the spine, and rubbed slowly upward to the base of his skull. “Willing to look into the fun side of life, the part where not everything is duty and work.” His fingers made their way down again, until he rubbed along his shoulders. “How’s that?”

Khan sighed deeply. "That's perfect, Jim." If he started to over think it, then he would worry about showing Jim an appropriate response in touch or comfort as well. But Jim was literally hand moulding him, to think differently about himself when it came to pleasure. "I am agreeable, and willing to listen to my Captain." He added with a little smile, turning his head slightly to look at Ji over his shoulder. He sighed again, tilting his head to one side, helping to crack and pop a joint that Jim was on the verge of helping to ease. 

“Ugh, that sounds horrible,” Jim said and massaged the joint carefully. “You should not make that noise. Have you ever learned how to give a massage? Sometimes even a self-massage can help relieve some of the tensions of life. No jokes now.” He snorted at himself, knowing Khan was like the least likely person to make a joke about that kind of matter. 

He glanced up and noticed the sky was darkening around the edges. “Hmmm, maybe we should wander back to the celebration. I don’t think we should leave without wishing everyone well. And dusk is falling. I presume you memorized the route back.”

"Yes, even with the multiple dead ends you lead us to." Khan confirmed that yes, he did know how to get them back. Reaching behind him, Khan covered his hand over Jim's in order to keep him from pulling his hand off straight away. Turning his head in the same direction, Khan pulled his hand closer, leading him by the wrist so that he could nuzzle his talented fingers and the palm of his hand. He was showing affection and thanking Jim in a way, for showing him this kind of positive attention. But with one last sigh, Khan then moved to his feet. "This way, Captain." He said, holding his hand once more was they walked through the garden. 

“I knew you would,” Jim said and threaded their fingers together again, unselfconscious in this show of affection. He was thinking about that nuzzling of his fingers, however, wondering if Khan would be interested in something more than friendship. That may yet be moving too fast, but Khan’s actions were definitely more open all the time. And he was an option for a relationship that would not be disallowed by Starfleet regulations. But the other man was still fragile in many important ways, so Jim needed to tread lightly and not press the other man for things he was not ready to give. 

The gardens remained quite lovely, even now at dusk. And the two were treated to the sight of a few flowers that opened up, once the air cooled around them and a shadow was cast over their petals. The wonders of life did not cease, simply because of darkness. And soon the two men came to a familiar part of the path that tapered out to the community once more. Arae with their familiars continued to express their joy for the days events, and the new friends they had made. 

Jim paused and looked over the group with an open smile. “They all look so happy. This is one of the reasons I joined Starfleet, even if I didn’t know it at the time.” He turned the smile toward Khan and added, “This is another reason I joined,” and squeezed their twined fingers. “Come on, let’s say our goodbyes, round everyone up and head back for the Enterprise. I’m sure Pomphrey is pining for you…” He paused and then chuckled softly. “We should have brought Pomphrey with us. He could have stood in for our familiars. Yours, anyway. He certainly loves you enough.”

"I'm not sure it is the same as love ..." Khan said, "Though I do imagine that having some sort of companion would have been less startling for the Arae." He also felt that tribbles might be suitable familiars to those rare few who were unable to be matched, due to their affectionate nature and desire for companionship. But introducing a new species to an alien ecosystem was a danger, even for one as harmless and affectionate as a tribble. Perhaps in the future, the Arae might come to decide to import other life forms, such as tribbles, but that would be their decision to make, and not on the whim of Starfleet personnel thinking they are doing the right thing. 

“Yes, I have been informed several times, most diplomatically, of course, that I look lonely with no familiar at my side. I guess we could stand in for each other’s familiar,” Jim said with a teasing smile. He led Khan back into the group and began making his diplomatic farewells to all assembled, gratified when a few familiars felt comfortable enough to make their own farewells in the form of headbutts, licks, rumbles, foot stomps, songs and even little handshakes from some of the semi-primate like animals. This was a sign that the Arae trusted their new acquaintances and were glad for their arrival and connections. As he and Khan left to head for the beam-up area, Jim said, “That was a job well done.”

"Yes, I agree." Khan said, looking back on the people who were seeing them off. Letting go of Jim's hand just before they were beamed back to the Enterprise, Khan continued the line of conversation. "I was surprised to see so many familiars make contact with you in parting ... it was my understanding that such things were seen as taboo, among non-family members ... you have clearly done well here, Captain."

“Family members and friends. I seem to remember a friend being defined as the family you choose,” Jim said. “And I always do well. I’m a charming bastard.” He tipped a wink to Khan, opened his communicator and said, “Beam us up, Scotty.”


	5. Massage

In his most recent role as navigator, Khan found the work easy, but a touch dull. Hour after hour, it was plotting and graphing, equations and physics, getting the Enterprise to the next checkpoint on time, avoiding space debris, getting them close to gaseous clouds and other anomalies to observe, but not too close that might do the Enterprise damage. The work was important, of course, but not very exciting for augment, unless they were being chased down by Klingons or Romulans, which they weren't.

The point, however, hadn't been only to see if playing the role of ship's navigator was a good fit for Khan, but more for the augment to observe how the bridge functioned, and to see Jim Kirk in action. Which sometimes meant watching him speak publicly with passing spaceships on the main viewing screen, and sometimes, watching him pit Doctor McCoy and Commander Spock against each other, grinning to himself whenever he got the two bickering. It was entirely childish, but on a few occasions, Khan would turn in his chair and share an amused look with Jim.

It was this sort of playfulness that helped to both pass the time and keep the other crewmen at ease when it came to having the augment on board the bridge. In turn, Khan made no attempt to take control. Jim Kirk was in command, this was his ship, and Khan obeyed his instructions. Khan listened to the others when they spoke, but most of all, he listened to Jim when he gave orders. Khan was a natural soldier, but in this situation, it meant he worked well with others toward a common goal. 

Jim acted like nothing was different when Khan joined the bridge crew as navigator during Alpha shift, with the possible exception of not kidding around with him the way he would have other officers. Instead, he kept their interactions professional, but friendly, showing that he trusted the augment to perform his duties without any problems.

Which of course, he did. Jim knew he might be a little less than challenged by the role. So, once in awhile, he would send the augment a bit of a puzzle to solve, just to try and challenge his big brain. He was never quite sure if he was succeeding, however, as Khan seldom gave anything away.

Their next destination was a large asteroid belt, which seemed to have been caused by some sort of cataclysmic collision between planets. The geologists, chemists, physicists and meteorologists were all gearing up with a great deal of excitement, as preliminary scans indicated a whole range of fascinating data for them to study. Jim, however, foresaw himself as being really bored. As he considered this, he typed a message to be sent to Khan’s console, “What would you say to a spacewalk through the asteroid field?”

Though they were still a little ways away, Khan was already programming the ship’s computer and navigation system to compensate to the larger of the asteroids, which time would tell if they would be reclassified as small moons, due to the fairly predictable orbit they kept. This allowed the ship's navigation system some degree of intuition for once the Enterprise was closer to the asteroid belt.

In the middle of writing his programming, Khan glanced down as the message that suddenly popped up on his console, and without any indication to those working around him, he began typing in the new screen just as swiftly as he had been writing code. "Officially, a space walk would be incredibly dangerous and irresponsible for the ship's Captain," he wrote, then added a moment later, "to take alone."

Jim grinned a little at his chair and typed, “Thankfully, I know this guy who makes a really good companion in dangerous situations. I’ll put it on the schedule then.” He proceeded to do so and made sure Khan got official confirmation when he’d finished. He also braced himself for the rather strong reactions he was sure to get from his First Officer and CMO as soon as they saw it and then got him alone to chastise him for irresponsibility with his health and safety. He figured breaking out one of the bottles of Bones’ favorite bourbon might be called for.

As he was considering his best friend’s preferred method of relaxation, it reminded him of a promise he’d made to himself on Khan’s behalf, and he sent the augment another message, “Oh, and since we’re both off tomorrow, I’m officially inviting you tonight at 2000 hours in my quarters for your ‘Kirk Massage.’ No excuses accepted.”

Reading the message, Khan considered, as he tapped the side of his thumb against the edge, off-screen before he typed again. "Very well, Captain. No excuses needed. Shall I bring anything? What is socially acceptable for this situation?" He was looking forward to having Jim's hands on him again, but had not pestered the young Captain for further contact. 

Jim could think of several things that would be very acceptable under a normal set of circumstances for a massage from him, which would be equally unacceptable in this case. He gave an inward chuckle at asking Khan to bring chocolates and flowers and wrote back, “I recommend wearing something loose and easily removed, but otherwise, I will provide everything necessary.” He sent the message. 

A moment passed.

Then another message went through the Khan. “Be prepared to have your brains melt out your ears. I’m not sure there’s anything you can actually bring in preparation for that, though.”

At the final message, Khan gave a little scoff. And though the crewmen at the console next to him glanced over to see what was so amusing, Khan gave no further indication of it. "Very well. Your quarters, at 2000 hours it is," Khan confirmed the meeting, then returned to his work without so much as a glance over his shoulder at Jim in the captain's chair just behind him. 

The rest of Alpha shift seemed to drag, but as soon as it was over, the time flew by, as Jim ran around to make sure he was properly prepared for the evening. He procured a massage table from Sickbay (through devious means not involving Bones), stacked up about a hundred towels for use, raided his personal stash of oils (and personal lubricants) to pick out two that he thought Khan might enjoy best, changed into comfortable clothes (sans shoes and socks), set out a pitcher of water with glasses for them both and at the last minute, burned some calming incense to give his quarters an inviting scent to go with the rest. He then took a few moments to sit and wait for his invited guest. To be honest, he was a bit nervous about this encounter, which he had determined to use as a bit of barometer to see how Khan felt about their relationship and how comfortable he really was with Jim. But nothing more than that. He’d promised himself and Khan...even if the augment didn’t know that.

While Khan had dressed-up for the officer's dinner Jim hosted last month, he used some of the same garments in order to dress-down for tonight. Wearing an ankle length tunic (which had before been only one part of many layers), and a sash around his middle to function as a belt, Khan arrived just outside of Jim's door a few minutes ahead of schedule. After all, his room was not far away, and in a strange way, Khan would rather wait outside Jim's door, rather than in his own room to pass the time.

Glancing down, Khan pressed his hand over the dark blue fabric. And even though it had silver stitching around the edges, he still felt underdressed. He wanted to represent himself well, even in this attempt at a relaxed state. It was what Jim had asked of him, and Khan trusted his friend. Then finally pressing a button on the door pad to indicate his presence, Khan waited to be received. 

Jim answered almost instantly and said, “Hey, Khan. C’mon in. Want anything to drink or a refreshment?” He glanced over his visitor with approving eyes, though he wondered (in the lizard part of his brain) if there was anything under that very long shirt. “You look good. Here, have a seat for a moment.” He continued to stand to see if Khan did want anything. 

Following Jim's direction, Khan sat down. They always made an interesting pair, Khan subdued and quiet, reserved until action was necessary, whereas Jim was generally quite eager, to talk, to play, to be active in some way or another. It was clear that Jim was excited at showing off what he was capable of during this exchange, and Khan was happy to experience it. "No, thank you. That's not necessary." Well, none of this was necessary, but it was not what Khan had planned for. 

“I’m glad you’re willing to give this a try,” Jim said and took a seat next to Khan. “First off, like anything, if at any point you don’t like something I’m doing or you’re uncomfortable, just tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. When I give a full body massage, I tend to include all parts of the body, but I plan to leave out the most intimate parts of you...unless you want me to touch you there. I admit I’d like to massage your uh, posterior, as part of this, but only if you want me to. Is there anywhere you don’t want me to touch? Like, some people are ticklish or overly sensitive in strange places.”

The conversation was important, and it was only now that Khan realized how intimate this might become in the end. "I am not ticklish. However, I will not respond well if you place your thumbs against my eyes." The gesture held far too violent implications for the augment, regardless of any soothing intentions Jim might have. In the fact, the more he thought about it, the more he reflected he might have other unwanted triggers as well. But he would have to face them, as they came up. "Otherwise, I am willing to experience what it is you wish to give."

“Ugh, I wouldn’t want anyone pressing their fingers in my eyes, either,” Jim said. “Now, traditionally, the person getting the massage disrobes completely and lays on the massage table. Whereupon, the massager places a towel over their hips. The first step of the massage is for me to place my hands on your back and remain there until we’re breathing in time. Then, I’ll do your back, neck, shoulders, legs and feet. If you’re still doing well, you roll on to your back, shifting the towel of course, and I’ll do pectorals, shoulders, neck, followed by temples and then ending with the gentlest rub down of your abdomen. Now, how does that sound? I’ll use a couple of kinds of oils I picked, though I’ll let you okay them.”

With a clear walkthrough of what was going to happen, Khan was already starting to feel at ease, within Jim's care. "This seems very one-sided...you are certain this is how you wish to spend your evening?" Khan asked, though prompted contact as he reached out to touch the back of Jim's hand. "It sounds very pleasant for me, but I fear you will not get much out of the experience." 

“Well, actually, I’ve always enjoyed giving someone else pleasure,” Jim said with a big smile that lit his eyes even bluer. “I’m asking for your trust, too, and it means a lot to me that you’re willing to try new things.” His mouth hooked at the edge, smile becoming a bit more than merely friendly. “However, if you ever find yourself in the mood to reciprocate, I’m pretty damned sure I won’t be saying no. Now, do you have any questions for me before we begin? Oh, and would you like any music? It can help with the relaxing atmosphere and all.”

Khan shared Jim's smile; even if it was not as big, it was still genuine. Perhaps he could reciprocate some day, but that was something to worry about another time. "No questions at this time. You have my trust," Khan confirmed, "and I will be happily to listen to whatever music you feel is appropriate for the occasion." He entrusted Jim with the details of this encounter, taking in the experience as a whole, rather than boiling it down to one touch or another. 

“Well, while I choose, please remove your shirt.” Jim paused and looked it over again. “And tell me what that particular garment is actually called. I’ll select some music and drink a little bit of water.” He stood and regarded the ceiling for a moment, thinking about his choices for the right music. “Wagner,” he decided. “Tristan and Isolde. That’s pretty relaxing.” He moved to pick up a towel to place over Khan when he was ready.

"It is...a basic type of tunic, called a kurta." Khan said, as he stood and approached the massage table. Unknotting the sash from the side of his waist, Khan let the silk slip from his fingers, onto the floor. He then proceeded to undo the three silver buttons near his throat, before pulling the fabric up, over his head and off his body. Standing by the table, with his back to Jim, the augment was completely naked, looking every bit like a marble statue masterpiece. However, as Jim had explained from before, Khan then laid down flat on his stomach, turning his head to one side so that he could at least partly watch. 

Jim caught his breath a little at the sight of a very nude Khan stretched out for him like some ancient, perfect God on the massage table. He didn’t let his composure slip more than that, however, but settled the towel on Khan’s hips, covering the glorious ass regretfully. “Want a pillow or towel for your head?” he asked. “People are divided over which they find more comfortable.” He lifted a small pillow in offering, noting the way Khan was watching as much as he could.

"Please." Khan said, pressing his forearms into the table to lift his torso and head to make room for the small pillow, which was just enough to support his neck, which was all he was after anyway. "Thank you." After accepting the pillow, Khan rested his head down again, the side of his jaw pressed into the plush material. 

“All right, here we go,” Jim said, rubbing his hands together to warm them. “Like I said, I’m going to start by timing our breathing together, getting us in sync. I want you to take three deep breaths after I put my hands on your lower back and then just breath naturally from there. Try not to think about anything. Yep, I know that’s not easy for you, but try just to concentrate on breathing and the feel of my hands. Ready?” He lowered his hands and gently set them on Khan’s back, fingers spread wide. “Three deep breaths now.”

Khan gave a sigh at the initial touch of Jim's hands to his skin. Touch had never been much a part of his life before, though was enjoying this new life experience that Jim had introduced to him. But as directed, he began to clear his mind, taking one deep breath after another, letting go of all other thoughts, retaining only the fact that Jim had his hands on him. And he would lay there, until the universe imploded on itself, or until Jim commanded him to do otherwise, whichever came first. 

Jim soon caught the rhythm of Khan’s breathing and imitated it naturally, which brought them into a kind of harmony. “That’s good,” he murmured. “I’m going to lift my hands and start the massage now. First, I’ll have you smell the oil to make sure you like it. Don’t want you smelling bad to yourself.” He moved to pick up the bottle and uncorked it, filling the area with a warm, almost cedar scent. Knowing he didn’t need to get it any closer to Khan’s nose for the man to determine if he liked it, he asked, “What do you think? Is it a go?”

"Yes ... thank you." Khan said, enjoying the cedar, with a slight hint of citrus scent. His breathing remained steady, back falling and rising the more his body naturally settled into place. And even though he was meant to keep his mind clear, Khan could not recall a time when he had been treated so well. Not even as Emperor. Then again, during that time in his life, he had kept people at a distance from him for the sake of his engineered function. So this, even asking if he liked the smell of something or talking him through this experience, was   
all very new to him. 

“Excellent,” Jim said and poured a bit of the oil in his hands, warming them and the liquid for a moment. “All right. I’m going to start with your lower back and sweep upward.” He placed his hands on either side of Khan’s spine and then, keeping a light pressure, moved them in a wave up to span (almost) the augment’s shoulder blades to the top. His hands moved to drag his fingers back down the same way, the tips very light on this first contact. Back up his hands went and then retreated to the line of the towel again, fingertips pressing in a little more. He continued this routine, slow and sure, with more and more pressure, sensitive to every little twitch and give of Khan’s muscles. “Your skin is very soft,” he murmured. “I think it may be the only part of your body that is.” He bit his lip and rolled his eyes at himself for the unintended innuendo there. “How does it feel?”

 

"Yes-" Khan exhaled a soft purr. "That feels very good." The motions were steady and allowed Khan to relax into the feeling, knowing there would be no surprises, but more of the same. And while his skin was indeed soft, not cracked or even scarred, despite how many times he might have earned them, just under the surface, his muscles were as hard a chiselled stone. Except that he radiated heat, even more so now with the steady friction of Jim's hands. 

Jim moved to the next step with a soft explanation, "I'm going to work on your neck now. Try to relax even more, Khan. Your muscles are like stone...which is not the effect I'm going for here." He placed his right hand on top of the left and circled around the left shoulder blade first. When he was satisfied with that side he moved to the left. Staying nice and slow, Jim used the pads of his fingers to massage the tops of the shoulders, round the sides of the neck and up to the base of the skull. His movements were slow, allowing them both to savor the touches, trying to imbibe the experience with a sense of unhurriedness- there was nothing pressing for either of them to worry about in these moments. 

"Yes, Sir." Khan said quietly, though there was happiness there. As Jim worked on his shoulders and neck, Khan closed his eyes lightly, letting the experience wash over him. It felt very good to have his jointed rubbed and manipulated, without the strain of having to do it himself. The touch was extremely satisfying, and a hot rush raced down his spine as Jim pressed upon a particularly sensitive batch of nerves. 

“You really haven’t ever had anyone do this for you before, have you?” Jim murmured, amazed at the idea. “Don’t know how you managed. I have to admit that if I had randomly met you on the street, I would have tried to climb you like a tree.” He made a little coughing noise and said, “Guess this massage is making my tongue relaxed, too. Finishing the shoulders and moving on to the more of the back.”

Jim kept the same rhythm going, as he picked up the muscles around the tops of the shoulders with fingers and thumbs, squeezing to loosen them up. As Khan's shoulders felt as relaxed as he figured he could get such amazing muscle, he swept back down to the base of the spine with a few more long, smooth strokes. There, he spread out his hands with a thumb on either side of the spine. As before, but using only his palms this time, he started at the base and ran up to the top and gently back down, slowly and carefully increasing the pressure.

With the oil making each movement of Jim's hands fluid, the scent seeping into his pores, Khan's body began to give in at the way Jim was handling it. As his spine was carefully rolled, Khan groaned softly, starting to verbally express his pleasure. He needed this, to know he was allowed to feel good. To trust again, his only remaining family. Each caress and press of the fingers felt like a conversation with his body. It told him to let go of all the horrible things he had been holding onto. It told him, he was not alone. With a few more mumbled happy noises, Khan truly began to relax under Jim. 

“Computer, some soft jazz,” Jim said, as the first music came to an end. He finished the sweeps of his hands and told Khan, “I’m going to try working on some of the knots in your muscles. Let me know if anything is too uncomfortable.” He kept the pressure on the palms of his hands and began to make small circles with his thumbs all the way up both sides of the spine. He was careful not to touch the knobs of the spine itself. His hands paused over knots, thumbs digging in to try and work away the pressure there. "Fuck, even your knots are better," he grunted, as they resisted him. 

Khan chuckled, then hummed approvingly. "You seem to be managing them just fine." A few times, he hips rolled down as his back arched, stretching out under the attention with a groan. "That's ... quite good ... just there," he said, when Jim found an area desperate for attention. 

“Jeez,” Jim said in relief as one particularly stubborn muscle finally gave in to the pressing of his thumbs. “I need a quick break to drink some water and get some more oil.” He picked up a hand towel to clean his hands off and then poured a glass of water for himself. “Do you want anything, Khan?” He held up a glass in offer. “Also, would you like me to massage your posterior? I have a bit more left to work on your back and I can skip to your legs after, but normally, I would do the buttocks next.” He kept his voice impartial, even though he very much wanted his hands on Khan’s ass.

Folding his arms just under his shoulders, Khan pushed up slightly as he lifted his head. He looked slightly drugged, if he were capable of being drugged. "No water, thank you," he said as he looked at Jim with great fondness. "If that is the natural progression of things...I do not mind." It would be a shame to miss out on the full experience, due to some sort of social taboo. Jim seemed willing after all, this whole evening had been his idea. Therefore Khan was willing, too. 

Jim caught the warmth of Khan’s gaze and felt himself flush a little at it, even though it was one of friendship and nothing more. But that’s why it made him turn a little red The idea that the stoic Khan would so openly show his feelings to Jim was quite pleasing. He finished his glass of water and returned to Khan’s side. “Excellent. That way, I can get your hips, too. Do you mind if I remove the towel?” He tugged a little at the piece of cloth that currently covered Khan’s ass. 

"I do not mind," Khan repeated as he lowered his head again, this time keeping his arms crossed under his head, supported by the small pillow. With his arms up above his shoulders like this, it helped keep his back and body stretched out, and offered the augment some comfort that could not really be explained, except that laying like this was less like laying still under the microscope and more like laying outside on a sunny afternoon. 

Jim carefully removed the towel, folded it up and set it to the side. He allowed himself just a moment to enjoy the perfect body now fully revealed to him, as he covered his actions by adding more oil to his hands. “Now to work out those last few knots. And then I’ll move lower.” Once again, his thumbs sought the last knots in Khan’s back, right to the curve of his ass, pressing and working them out. “There, I think I’ve got them all,” he breathed with just a hint of relief. Those suckers had taken a lot of energy! “Do you feel anywhere else that needs some added attention?” He flattened his hands out and began to work at Khan’s hips as he asked.

"Hmm ... you're wonderful at this." Khan sighed. A small part of him felt that he would have responded better to having a personal attendant back when he was Emperor, if they had been as attentive and dedicated as Jim Kirk. But that was a different time, and to think any more on it would only make him unhappy. "Perhaps...just beside my tailbone, once more...please." It had begun to help unclench something deep inside, just behind his hips, and he wanted a little more of that touch. 

“Tailbone. Check.” Jim explored that area and thought he located what Khan meant. Noticing that it seemed a bit tender, he worked the spot with a careful thumb. “Right there?” he asked, testing how it felt to the other man. “Am I getting it?” He thought he could feel the give, but wanted to be sure.

"Yes." Khan groaned softly, tucking his head, burying his face in his arms as he gave a slow stretch of his spine, from his neck down to his tailbone. "Perfect." A sharp, warm, and slightly embarrassing tingle began to surge through him, but the feeling was far too satisfying to ignore right now. At the end of the massage table, Khan's toes curled in on themselves, then relaxed and with a stretched, fanned out as he gave another little shift of his hips under the skilled fingers. 

Jim enjoyed how Khan kept stretching and flexing under his hands, seemingly unable to help himself. He could hear a few noises as Khan’s body continued to relax and realign. “All right,” he said and removed his hands again. “Now, I’m going to work on your rear. I’m going to use a lot of oil for this. Let me know if anything makes you uncomfortable.” He kept reiterating himself to make sure that Khan remained relaxed with his touch. Pouring a healthy amount of the oil in his palms, he warmed it and then spread his flattened hands on the delicious mound of Khan’s ass. He worked those muscles with the same care he’d done Khan’s back and shoulders, trying not to let his touch slip into anything that might be deemed sexual. 

"Mh-hm." To the contrary, Khan was so deeply relaxed by the massage Jim was giving him, that even here, Khan began to unclench. It was rather satisfying, to have the flesh of his ass, pushed and pulled and squeezed and manipulated. And though his sphincter contracted, then loosened again, whenever oil would drip down, Khan remained completely at ease with the experience. 

Jim paused as he finished (somewhat reluctantly) with that glorious ass and looked over Khan’s glistening body, almost the pile of goo Jim had predicted he’d end up being. “Now, I’m going to do your legs, starting with the left,” he said and put some more oil on his hands. With long, flowing strokes, he worked from ankles to thighs and back again. His pinky sometimes skirted the full sack of Khan’s testicles, which was very impressive, indeed. 

Khan’s calves received some extra attention, as they were like granite boulders beneath Jim’s fingers. But the place he really lavished attention were the strong feet. He started with small pressure circles with his thumbs under Khan's toes, around the arches, all around the heel and round the ankles. His touches showed no self-consciousness in this devotion to another man's feet, especially since Jim knew just how delicious the touches could feel.

As the augment continued to melt under such care, Jim had every right to be boastful of his massage giving skills. Though his breathing remained deep and steady from when they first started out together, Khan threw in a few delighted mumbles and soft groans too. The cold, withdrawn augment had never been handled so well, and certainly never with such tender devotion by someone who outranked him. Untucking his head, Khan rested his face to one side and smiled to himself, barely catching a few glimpses of Jim out of the corner of his eye. 

After working Khan’s toes with clever fingers, Jim began to work his way back up, massaging ankles and heel. He finished off Khan’s posterior side by soothing his legs with long, downward strokes from the upper thighs to the soles of their feet. As he stroked down, he pressed the palms of his hands firmly all the way from the tops of his thighs to the edge of his feet, where he lifted off at the toes. “There,” he said with deep satisfaction, picking up his towel and wiping off all of the extra oil on the surface. He tossed the towel in a hamper and picked up another glass of water. “How do you feel? Anything that I missed?”

"Mmh-" Khan gave a few slow blinks at Jim, though did not lift his head or move an inch of his body otherwise, as he wanted everything that felt good now, to last forever. "That was perfect. You have a real talent." It wasn't just anyone who could get through to Khan, physically to make him feel good, or emotionally, to trust again. "Every inch of me is quite happy. And I don't think I'll be moving anytime soon."

Jim chuckled, a happy, pleased sound with just the slightest hint of smugness. “I’m glad that you are so relaxed. However, I was hoping to give your front side the same treatment. I’d start with the front part of your legs, your shoulders and chest, your neck, your scalp and then polish you off, literally, with oil.” He finished his glass of water and set it aside, picking up the towel previously used to cover Khan’s ass, now that he proposed to use for his front. That area was, after all, even more sensitive. “What do you say?”

With a dramatic groan, Khan acted as if this were the most strenuous thing in the world to ask of him. His grumbles and half growls did not cease until Khan had turned himself over onto his back. More then a little half hard, Khan's erection pulled to one side, resting high on his thigh while he settled again, tucking the pillow under the back of his skull, then dropped his arms to either side. "Do you need a longer break?" Khan asked, keeping his eyes on Jim throughout. 

Jim kept his eyes studiously (though with difficulty) averted and carefully laid the towel over Khan’s waist and groin. He added a pillow under the augments knees, as well, covering it with another towel. “Nah. I’m enjoying myself too much to want to stop now anyway. You’ve been most responsive to this, Khan, and that’s made it good for me, too.” 

Adding oil to his hands again and making sure it was warm, he used his palms to give long, even strokes all the way from the toes to the tops of the legs and back down again. He was careful of Khan's knees, which he was amused to see were not overly perfect. He returned to the feet for one of his favorite parts, loosening up the toes by rolling the pad of each one, firmly, between a thumb and index finger.

The first crack of a toe caught Khan by surprise. His toes clenched in, then relaxed out again, but by the second time, Khan was smiling and made clear sounds of approval, especially when Jim managed to crack his big toe. He laughed at himself at that one, but remained happily in place, trusty Jim with his care completely. "Mmhm." He sighed, placing one hand over his own chest for now, since Jim was not there yet. 

“What noisy not-so-little piggies!” Jim exclaimed with a laugh of his own at the loud pop of the largest toe. And then, looking rather more like a naughty schoolboy than a starship captain, he played ‘little piggies’ with the toes of Khan’s right foot. And when he did the ‘wee-wee-wee all the way home!’ on his little toe, he threw back his head and laughed with complete enjoyment.

Khan however lifted his head and gave Jim a very scandalized look. That was the most bizarre thing he had ever encountered. And he had once experienced bleeding eyeballs through the forced contraction of Andorian Shingles, so he understood bizarre. And. That. Was. Bizarre. His feet, his toes, were pigs? That went to market? "Are you ... unwell, Captain?" he asked carefully, wondering if perhaps there was something in the oil that was making him hallucinate. 

Jim laughed even harder and leaned into the table, supporting his weight with both hands. He took a few moments to calm down and then lifted his head to look into Khan’s eyes, still grinning. “I’m sorry, Khan. I couldn’t resist. It’s an ancient nursery rhyme, though I have no idea where it came from. Traditionally, you play it on the toes of little children, who think it’s just so much fun to have their toes going ‘wee-wee-wee, all the way home!’”

Still chuckling lightly to himself, he continued up the legs with thumb-and-fingers movement. He went softly over the knees, but very firmly on the thighs. Keeping up a rhythm, he picked up the upper thigh muscles of each leg and squeezed. This was rather enjoyable and brought him very near the towel that still covered Khan's privates.

Khan felt he should remind Jim that he was not a child. (Even if he benefited from time to time at being handled with patience and care and playfulness, as if he were one). But as Jim continued to work up his ankles and legs, Khan lowered his head back down without further comment. Still, it had been a strange moment, so it took a few minutes to push it from his mind and refocus on the touches to his skin. With his head lulled to one side and hand still on his own chest, Khan watched Jim with a relaxed smile. 

“There, now you’ve forgiven me and relaxed again,” Jim said with amusement and moved away from his feet, snagging a new towel to wipe his hands again. “I want to use a different oil around your head and shoulders,” he said. “Something with a slightly gentler feel and a lighter scent. What do you say?” He opened a smaller vial of a special oil, which had been given to him by Gaila (and he still missed her sunny personality, which hadn’t deserved to be ended so carelessly for the revenge of an asshole who didn’t care that none of the people he killed had anything to do with his loss), and lightly waved it in front of Khan’s nose, so he could try it out. “It’s Orion. A friend of mine gave it to me a long time ago. A tiny bit of it goes a long way, and it feels wonderful.”

At the mention that the oil was from Orion, Khan took a moment to exchange a look with Jim. The pheromones did not necessarily have the same effect (or at least, same potency) on other species, but Khan was sensitive to these sorts of things in different ways. Was this meant as a form of seduction? But instead of questioning Jim's motives, Khan tilted his head to that he could get a sniff. "It does smell good ..." He admitted, his nostrils flaring out as they drew in the scent. "Yes, Jim. Go ahead."

“My friend’s name was Gaila,” Jim said, putting the tiniest bit on his hands, including the backs, to spread around, “and she gave me this with the explanation that a little bit went a long way to ease aches and pains. As I’m sure you know, Orions are infamous for a lot of reasons, including their rather intimate knowledge of all things carnal. But alongside that knowledge comes an understanding of the body’s workings as a whole. This was not designed as a sexual accoutrement, but for general health purposes.” 

Starting again, he made long smooth strokes from shoulder to waist. As he returned up to the shoulders, he turned over his hands and gently use the backs to stroke over Khan's neck and under the chin. Following down to the shoulders again, he swept the palms of his hands along the strong upper arms then back to the broad shoulders. "See, doesn’t that feel amazing?"

"A considerate friend-" Khan said in reference to the gift Jim had received, and was now sharing in turn. Breathing steadily under Jim's hands, Khan let his own arms fall away from his chest, dropping to his sides where the palms of his hands lay facing upwards. "Yes ... that's ..." Khan groaned and tipped his head back as Jim carefully massaged his neck. "Yes ..." he almost began again, but his shoulders simply melted back into the table and he couldn't bring himself to draw up any more words from his chest. 

"She was," Jim agreed and spread out his fingers to circle around Khan's pecs. "She once told me she loved me, but I didn't believe her. I wish now that I hadn't been so rude about it." His hands never stopped their motions, working the fine pectoral muscles, as Khan responded so beautifully to him. "She fine-tuned the art of the massage, though she complimented me and said I was the best human she'd ever seen." He laughed softly and massaged around Khan's shoulders and up into the back of the neck. He used the pads of his thumbs at the base of his head to make small pressure circles. "I miss her. Hell, I miss a lot of people. Some I never thought I'd miss the voice of. The presence." He glanced down with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Guess I should've used a different oil...but this really is the best." 

For a moment, Khan was unable to relax completely, distracted by Jim's words. He took the time to read his face and the implications of what was being left unsaid. A hard, sick twist settled in his stomach as he realized that Jim was talking about someone who was dead, and he could have very easily have been the cause of her death. Khan did not believe Jim had been purposeful in building up this pleasant scenario only to drop this bomb on him, but nevertheless, it was far from relaxing. Reaching up, Khan stopped Jim by taking him by his wrists to still his hands. "I am sorry for your loss," he said deeply sincere. 

Jim glanced down at the hands on his wrists and then offer Khan a small smile, before easing his hands away, not wanting to stop his progress and let Khan tense up again. “Thank you. The Nero incident...it wiped out most of the Academy’s seniors. Only the Enterprise, of all the original ships called to Vulcan, survived. And that’s ‘cause I recognized the signs, from when my father died. Anyway, it was such a pointless waste of life. All of it.” Jim paused in his speech, but not in his hands’ movements, which were busy cradling Khan’s left shoulder between them and smoothing gently in circles. “I think she’d like this,” he said finally. “Like that I was using what she helped teach me to aid someone else. Especially someone who maybe needs a hand fitting in. Gaila was always being judged because she was a beautiful Orion woman, so people thought she was all sex and no brains. But she wanted to be an engineer, and she’d fought her way off Orion all by herself. Guess I was one of the shitheads who misjudged her, too when we met. All I could see were her curves.” He moved to the other shoulder and began to work it in the same way as the right. “Anyway, it seems to be doing you a lot of good, so I’m glad I decided to go with it.”

It was a small relief to know that her death had not been his fault, but it would take a bit longer before Khan was back to the relaxed state he had been in before. With his hands at his sides once more, Khan just stared up at Jim, eyes on the subtle way his face hardened or brightened depending upon what memories lingered there. "Your talented fingers have been quite therapeutic ... you have given me a lot of yourself, tonight. It is very pleasing to me."

Jim smiled back down at him and said, “Too bad my mouth got to jabbering, huh? Let me make it up to you. You seemed to like this before, and it does feel really good when done right.” He rested Khan's head almost tenderly in both hands and using firm circular strokes, moved his hands all over, keeping in constant contact with the scalp. In fact, he made sure he felt the scalp move under his touch, a sign that the massage was working. "There, tell me how that is."

Yes, that was a good way to drive all other thoughts out of his brain. Khan's head moved willingly however Jim manipulated him, trusting and relaxed. "Mhn-" Khan sighed, one hand naturally coming back up to rest on his own chest, fingertips lightly playing with the oil against his own skin. "Very good," he mumbled, eyelids dropping closed, giving himself over to Jim's hands. 

“There, that’s all better now,” Jim said, pleased that he had gotten Khan to fully relax again. He laid Khan's head gently down on the pillow and stroked his forehead with tender fingertips. Each light stroke moved from the front of Khan's forehead to his hairline with Jim using first one hand and then the other. He touched more and more lightly until he was finally barely touching at all. And then he stopped and let his hands fall to the side for a moment.

Completely confident with Jim, the augment lay still, except for his slow, deep breaths, even after he pulled his hands away. It was peaceful, this. Someone else looking after him, someone he trusted to be responsible for a little while, so that he could let go of the weight he carried. A few twinges pulled at the corner of his mouth, mistaking a soft turbulence in the air for Jim's fingers still lightly touching him. 

“Last part,” Jim said with a true hint of regret. He dribbled a little more of the Orion oil on his palms and moved to stand on the left side of Khan’s torso. And then with all of the care he could put in his hands, he just caressed all of Khan’s upper half, from his five-pack abdomen to his chiseled pectorals and even over (with a slightly mischievous palm on both sides) the pebbles of his nipples. He worked up and down and around until his body began to ache at last from all of the work and then stepped back to survey.

Khan was a sight. A glorious sight. All his pale skin gleamed from the application of oil, and he frankly looked like a sex god brought to life to bedevil mortals. 

Khan was certainly a prize worth having. For those brave enough. The augment purred softly. Touching, by the hands of Jim Kirk, was a good thing. He felt deeply satisfied, with a warm tingle of nerves still swarming through him. Slowly opening his eyes, Khan turned his hand over, palm up, looking for Jim to give him his hand. "I owe you, and your fingers my gratitude." He said with a little smile. "You don't mind if I lay here for a few minutes longer, do you?"

Jim tangled their fingers gently and said, “Not at all. Relax for as long as you can. Did I miss anywhere?” His eyes avoided sliding to the one obvious place, and he wondered if Khan had fully hardened during the session. He knew he was not exactly unaffected by his intimate exploration of the augment’s perfect body, but he had experience ignoring badly timed erections. “Or would you like anything to drink now that we’re done?” He wiped his free hand on one of the towels.

Khan too was well practiced at ignoring his needs, and would likely not attend to the bulge under the towel until he was back in his own room, if he attended to it at all. And while the thought of masturbating usually bored him, carrying with him the memory of how Jim touched him these last few hours would certainly help make the experience much more pleasant. "Yes...I should perhaps drink." Khan admitted, though gave Jim's fingers a light squeeze, then thumbed over the top row of knuckles, wanting to give back, even in this small way. 

“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Jim agreed. “You just bask while I get us both something even better than water.” He headed for the small fridge he kept tucked in his quarters to store cool beverages for when the replicator and the mess weren’t going to cut it. He pulled out a chilled non-alcoholic blend of fruit juices he wasn’t allergic to and poured each of them a large glass, Carrying it back to Khan, he handed one to the augment and then pulled up a chair to sit and enjoy his own. “So, you seemed to enjoy the Kirk Special Massage.”

"Yes. Thank you." Khan sat up reluctantly with a groan. "Yes, I did. Very much." Holding the drink in one hand, Khan tipped his head to one side, then rolled it to the other, keeping his back and neck nicely stretched out, even in this position. Taking a few small sips of the juice to tease his pallet, Khan kept his eyes on Jim. He was happy. "That was quite the experience, for my part. I might...for a special occasion, ask for it again?"

Jim beamed and held up his glass to ask for a toast on that. “Just let me know. I’m available nights and weekends. Speaking of which, do you have any plans for your day off tomorrow?”

"No plans." Khan paused, "Am I meant to?" He took another sip of the juice, hiding his smirk that suggested he knew Jim was about to suggest something. And generally his suggestions were creative. Which was a kind way of putting it, as generally, his suggestions got him into trouble with Commander Spock or Doctor McCoy. But regardless, Khan was an agreeable companion most days.

“Not at all,” Jim said with his grin still firmly in place. “You see, after I sleep in for as long as I possibly can manage, I was planning to sneak down to see Scotty’s still. You know he’s taken your declaration that you can’t get drunk to heart, right? I want to see what he’s cooking up down there. And I thought you might be amused by it, too. Maybe even enough to sample a little with me. Afterward, I was thinking we might muck about in the gym. You can show me some more moves.”

"I see." Khan said flatly, but the amusement was clearly there. "You intend to potentially get drunk, and then, roll around the gym floor in mock combat while intoxicated? This is your plan?"

“Oh Hell, no,” Jim said and waved his hand. “I’m not going to get drunk on Scotty’s liquors of death again. The last time, I woke up under a redwood tree in Golden Gate Park, wearing a loin cloth, wings and a halo...three days later. It’s a good thing that was during a month long refit of the Enterprise’s engines.” He snickered a little. “Of course, I could have been Chekov and ended up in Vaillancourt Fountain...nude. That’s what he got for telling Scotty that as a Russian, he was inured to the effects of alcohol. No, all I intend to do tomorrow is try a tiny sip. Maybe two.”

"I did not realize my comment was interrupted as a challenge," Khan said, still thinking over the fact that Mr. Scott had gone through the trouble to distil something strong enough for his pallet. Khan took one more sip of the juice before he set it aside, his mouth now feeling refreshed. "Very well, I shall sample his creation. And then, if you are still on your feet after two sips, we will go to the gym."

“Scotty takes liquor as seriously as he takes engines,” Jim said, “so you can understand how dangerous that is. As for tomorrow, that sounds like a plan, but if there’s anything else you want to do, speak now. Or speak tomorrow. Whatever. We’ve got the whole day, and I’m looking forward to it. I’m caught up on my paperwork, even, so there’s nothing planned that should ruin it. Which is probably why we’ll get attacked by Martians or Spock’ll run us into a rift in the space-time continuum.” 

"Noted. I will apologize to him tomorrow, for offending him, if I have done so." After a moment more of just sitting there, Khan came to appreciate the fact that he probably should not lay naked in the Captain's quarters all night, and that Jim likely wanted his space to himself now. Placing his hand over the towel that lay across his hips, Khan kept the bulge of his erection pressed against his thigh so that he could stand without his condition being too obvious. "Thank you, Jim...you've done far more then I had any right to expect." He said, then pulled his tunic back on over his body, letting the fabric fall until the bottom hem settled around his ankles again. 

“Oh, you want to leave,” Jim said, the disappointment clear in his tone and body posture. “Hey, uh, a couple of things before you go.” He stood to escort Khan to the door. “First, Scotty is not insulted. If anything, he’s excited about the prospect of trying to develop a liquor that can affect your systems. We won’t let him get too crazy about though. Second, I’m your friend, Khan. Expectations don’t have anything to do with it. I want to do things for you and with you. Capiche?”

The change in Jim's attitude was sudden and surprising, Jim wanted him to stay longer? So he attempted to clarify what he had understood. "You implied that you wanted to sleep. Therefore, I felt that it might be odd for me to remain on the massage table." Khan said as Jim escorted him to the door to see him out. "I want you to have a good, long rest, just as you mentioned." Khan said, touching Jim on the hip briefly as an attempt at a parting gesture. Khan wanted to hug Jim good-night, but felt reserved about the contact, even though the other man had spent several hours with his hands all over his body. 

“That wasn’t my intention,” Jim said with an apologetic smile. “So, I’m sorry for making it sound like I wanted to throw you out.” He tilted his head at the gentle, fleeting touch to his hip and then reached out to take one of Khan’s hands, squeezing the fingers. “Do you want to leave, Khan? I’m trying to tell you that you don’t have to. But if you want to, I understand.”

Eyes brightly focused on Jim, Khan maintained the union of their hands. "No, I do not want to leave your company just yet. But when you become too tired for a guest, let me know, and I will go." Though now that he had Jim by the hand, he adjusted his grip so that he could use both hands to massage his worn fingers and the flesh of his palm and wrist, suspecting that they were sore or strained from the effort of giving Khan such a thorough massage. 

“Oh, that is nice,” Jim said and gently pulled back to bring them to the sofa, sitting down. “Shall we exchange hand massages? I didn’t really work on your hands.” He rotated Khan’s wrist to work it out a little. “I’m glad you don’t want to leave yet. I’m not in a hurry to go to bed, especially since I can sleep in tomorrow.” He picked back up his glass of juice with his free hand to sip. “Now, what did I say that made you think I was trying to throw you out?”

"Let me do this, at least." Khan said, rotating his hand to break the hold Jim had on his wrist. It wasn't a full body massage, but Khan felt he could still make it quite nice. So he continued to massage Jim's available hand as he spoke. "You said that you wanted to sleep for as long as possible. And how much you were looking forward to tomorrow ... and so, will all of the talk about tomorrow, I concluded you were done with this evening.”

Jim allowed Khan to give this to him and said with truth, “Mmm, that does feel nice. I guess I was talking about tomorrow a lot, so I can understand the confusion.” He lightly sipped his drink and smiled at the augment, hand surrounded by two of Khan’s. “Would you like to do something for me?” he asked, thinking back to how Khan had said, at least. “I understand how you don’t want it to be one-sided.” 

"Consider, Captain, my social cues are several hundred years out of date. I do not see or hear things in the way I perhaps should." Khan admitted, knowing in this area, he had not adapted as quickly, whereas in areas of warfare and science, he had. "But yes, what can I do for you?" he asked, still massaging each finger joint, until Jim asked him to do otherwise. 

“Uh.” Jim’s brain went blank for a moment and then something sparked inside him. “Would you read to me? Your favorite work, maybe? You have such a lovely voice. I might even ask to record it and use it to fall asleep to.” His cheeks flushed a little at the request, but he figured Khan wanted to give him back something that felt equal to the massage. He also resolved to try and be more careful with his words, although the likelihood was that he would just need to keep asking questions to understand.

"Yes, I think I could do that for you." Khan finished giving the finger he was working on the last of his attention before placing Jim's hand in his own lap. Standing for a moment, Khan sought out Jim's personal PADD, using it to both turn off the soft background music, and to search for something suitable. "Are you comfortable, here, Sir?" He asked as he sat down on the couch again, scrolling through many worthy choices. 

“Please, call me Jim. Sir is all right when we’re on duty, though I prefer Captain, but in private, I’m Jim.” He scooted until he could rest a little bit against Khan, legs stretched out in front of him and parted slightly. If Khan looked, he could see that Jim was sporting a bit more of a bulge than usual at the groin, and it made him wonder if Khan could smell arousal, given that his senses were that much more acute. Still, feeling aroused and acting on it were very different things, and Jim hoped Khan didn’t think less of him for it. “And I’m very comfortable now.”

Khan nodded as he was reminded to call Jim by his first name. It was difficult some times, with no real pattern to it, other then Khan wanted to be respectful. So he watched as Jim began to get settled, and adjusted one of his own arms around Jim's middle or accommodate his closeness. And somehow, without over thinking it, Khan kissed the back of Jim's head with a little smile before he began to read.

Taking his time to built the foundation, Khan read to Jim the details of a dying planet and civilization far away from Earth. Unable to survive their impending doom, a loving father sent his son to Earth, in hopes that he might live as a hero to the people of Earth. In human history, there were many stories like this. Perseus, son of Zeus. Or Hercules, also son of Zeus. Both heroes, meant to fight great battles and save their weaker human counterparts. Or there was Osiris, son of Geb and Nut, who taught humanity the skill of agriculture and how to be civilized, taking people out of the stone age, and into the bronze age. And there there was Paul Atreides, Muad'dib, given to the people of Arakis by his mother, Lady Jessica. Much like Khan had been giving to the people of Earth by his creator, Dr. Sarina Kaur. But the most famous of these stories of heroes, with the most beautifully complex tales written by several generations, was that of Kal-El, son of Jor-El, the hero known as Superman. 

Jim smiled at the choice, which he had never heard before, but the story pinged something deep inside him. He shut his eyes and listened to the story of a man who struggled to accept being different, while always trying to do right. He didn’t succeed every time, but always followed the better angels of his nature. In this way, he was a mythical figure, seeing everything in black and white, never in gray. He rather wished life followed that same easy pattern.

When the story wound to its satisfying conclusion, Jim opened his eyes again and smiled contentedly at Khan. “That was a really good story, Khan. I’ve never heard that before. Was that around when you were on Earth before?”

"Yes, there are hundreds of stories based on Superman. In my time, they came in the form of comic books and graphic novels, which told the stories frame by frame with both text and artists imaginings, as if they were cut out of a film reel. But what I read to you was the novelized version, which covered the first few major story arcs." With his arm still hooked around Jim's body, his fingers spread flat over his stomach, hugging him close. "There are many more, if you are interested. Would you like me to keep reading to you, or perhaps something else?"

“Oh, I’ve seen those in museums!” Jim said. “They looked pretty cool. I’ve never owned one, sadly, but I’ve read a few on PADDs. There are some characters that keep going, even...like Wonder Woman.” He chuckled a little at his memories of the scantily clad heroine who had caught his teenage eye. “I should look some more of those up. I’d like to hear more, if you don’t mind sharing more. Your voice is perfect for storytelling, and that was a pretty good yarn.” He paused and made a face. “I don’t even know where that saying came from.”

Khan however smiled at the turn of phrase while he searched for another story to read. "The origins of phrase are based upon, spinning a tale, constructing a story." Khan explained, "Perhaps you have unconsciously adopted the plain and wholesome speech patterns of Clark Kent, through my reading." Khan skipped a few Superman tales from the archive, then explained. "There are many instances where Superman and Wonder Woman team up to fight an oppressive force together. Often these stories also include the character Batman, the three of them act as the perfect alliance, and best friends to one another."

“Oh, yeah, I remember that character. Read one of those?” Jim asked. “Were these stories things you used to read and enjoy?” He snuggled closer to Khan and placed a hand on his closest leg, just resting it there carefully. “Maybe you can recommend some others for me to check out, too. But for now, more reading.” He finished off his glass of juice and set it aside.

"Yes, from time to time. The media is unique, and was often undervalued. So I am pleased you are enjoying the stories, even out of context of their art." Khan said, finding another story. This one featured the powerhouse trinity of Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman, working together, but also arguing out their differences. Fighting personal adversaries, in great battles, there were also calm times to talk things out, but the story also featured the loyalty of Batman and Superman to their friend Wonder Woman, who died by the end of the story arc, only to be brought back to life by moulding her ashes from the earth by her mother, the goddess Hippolyta. 

Jim was mostly asleep by the time Khan finished, brought to a state of complete relaxation by the rise and fall of his voice and the warmth of his body. When he finished, Jim managed to blink himself semi-alert and then smiled bashfully at Khan. “I think your voice is very soothing,” he said through a giant yawn. “And I guess now we shall have to call it a night, before I simply keel over on you and just sleep.” He made a sad little noise at the thought of parting, but it was obvious that the need for some rest had caught up with him.

Though it had not been a part of him that was directly engineered, a soothing voice went a long way. It calmed hysterical hordes so that they might listen to reason. Reassured spooked horses. And eased the fears of wild animals in a violent panic. "Thank you, Jim., Khan said. However, now that he had Jim half in one arm, hand still pressed against his torso, Khan was in no rush to part ways. He had been the first to get up to leave last time, and had been incorrect in doing so. This time, he would not be the first to move away. "I am happy to read to you again, any time you wish." Powering down the PADD, Khan set it aside.

“That’d be nice,” Jim slurred and leaned more heavily against the augment, eyes shut again. “Can read me my reports. Make them more interesting that way, ‘specially Spock’s. Man could make a supernova boring. Soooo boring. Gotta read. Gotta sign. Soooo boring.” He was definitely more asleep than awake now. “‘S not what Spock’s better at.” With a little hum at the end of the work, he fell fast asleep, completely at ease in Khan’s presence and lulled into slumber.

Khan listened for further comment and criticism regarding Commander Spock's reports, but instead there was just the soft intake of air as Jim slept against him. Deeply moved by this show of trust, Khan made no attempt to slip out or away from Jim, to make his escape, nor to wake him up again so that they might officially part ways. Instead, Khan sat there for a time, fingers spread against Jim's chest, palm warm and firmly in place. And then once he was certain Jim would not be disturbed by his movements, Khan drew up his feet from the floor and tucked them to one side of his body. Then carefully rested the side of his face against the top of Jim's head so that he too might close his eyes. Which he did, slipping into an easy sleep, finding a great deal of peace in this new display of companionship.


	6. Familiar Territory

Sometimes, Jim thought that the universe just liked to fuck with him. This mission should have been a cakewalk- even boring as hell. Instead, he had a shuttlecraft full of geologists wedged into a narrow crevice in an asteroid made out of some sort of material that apparently loathed technology. Phasers didn't affect it and the tractor beam wouldn’t work, even if the Enterprise could have maneuvered her way close enough try it. Forget photon torpedoes… those geologists and their unconscious pilot were getting back alive, thank you very much.

So, what was the answer to this conundrum- the best all the minds of the Enterprise (Khan, included) could come up with? They had to fucking tow the shuttlecraft out of its current position. Yes, tow it, like ancient automobiles that had broken down used to get towed somewhere to be fixed. Manually hooked up to another functioning shuttlecraft and towed back to the Enterprise. At least the impact hadn’t punched any noticeable holes in the shuttlecraft’s hull. But the nose couldn't be seen, and the sensors were unusable beyond the range of the technological barrier. 

The good part of this (and Jim had to admit it was pretty awesome)- he and Khan got to go on their asteroid walk for a legitimate reason. Not that Spock hadn’t pitched a shitfit over the idea of Khan and Jim working together in space. One would think he had some sort of reason to think badly over the idea of Khan and Jim and flying chunks of debris and spacesuits…

“Are you ready?” Jim asked, as he put on his helmet as the finishing touch to his suit and glanced at Khan. A grin stretched his lips wide, even as Sulu (already suited out, though he would remain on the shuttle), made a noise of amusement behind them. 

"Yes, Captain," Khan confirmed as he checked the safety seals on his flight suit once more. This felt very familiar, of course. Jim took the opportunity to enjoy the experience all the more from when they had done something similar the first time. Whereas Commander Spock seemed to loathe the idea all the more. Though, could Vulcan's loathe? He certainly was not in favour of the idea, even though he did not voice any formal objection. Still, Khan knew. Just as he knew his mind would be entirely upon the task, just like before. This was not about having fun, though it was hard to support that fact by the way Jim grinned. 

“Aww, you deviated from the script,” Jim said, even as he gathered up his section of the heavy cable they would be attaching first to their shuttle, the Galileo, and then to the damaged shuttle, the Einstein. “You know perfectly well that was not the next line.

"That is because, we are not repeating ourselves. We are not diving through a debris field to hijack another ship. This is a rescue mission." And there would be no last minute betrayals, from either side.

“Perhaps, Captain, it would be more logical to focus on the mission,” Spock’s bland, but somehow scolding, voice said over the comm units in their helmets.

Jim rolled his eyes, but said to Sulu, “Prepare to open shuttlecraft door. Make sure you’re safely buckled in there, buddy. I don’t want to have to explain to Chekov why you floated away.”

Taking a moment to look back at Sulu to ensure he was safe, Khan then looked to Kirk for the go-ahead on their mission. But the look wasn't entirely serious, there was a little something, a dare, that said: I'll race you.

Sulu opened the shuttle door, and Jim pushed himself on out, taking Khan’s dare with a quick nod and wink. Of course, first thing, they each needed to hook their end of the cable to the Galileo. He caught himself on the outside of the craft and eased around to start attaching the end of the cable to the sturdy side of the shuttle, out of the way of the door, so Sulu could close it once they were clear. “I’ve secured the clamp on my side,” he reported. “Heading toward the Einstein now. How are things on your side, Khan?”

"Line secure," Khan said over the shared intercom. The other end he tied off on himself, to both tow the line, but also just in case something went wrong. It was calculated that the manual boosts on their space suits would only work for half the jump before cutting out, like the shuttle stranded ahead of them, the area ahead of that affecting all forms of mechanical systems. Now, whether it was because of a particular asteroid, or a pocket of gas, or some other anomaly, they might never know, since they could not take readings. So even though there was a rush to the rescue mission, caution had to be observed as well.

Launching himself off the side of the shuttlecraft Galileo, the augment dove head first into the asteroid field, able to push away and deflect smaller, slow spinning rocks as he went without losing too much momentum. It was quite a sight, to be so small, surrounded by something so vast, so chaotic and dangerous. It was more then a little disorientating, the blackness of space beyond. There was no horizon to focus upon, nothing stable to keep as a fixed point. Everything was relative, even the stranded Galileo, which slowly drifted along with the natural shift of other orbiting asteroids. 

Jim yelled, “Cowabunga!” and took off after Khan, weaving his own way through the debris, though there was much more fine particles and fewer large objects than there had been between the Enterprise and the Vengeance. “I can’t believe we’re making a habit of this,” he said, dodging a rock the size of a small horse. "I honestly just wanted a leisurely stroll through the asteroid belt."

“Captain,” Spock said, voice somehow alerting them to danger without changing inflection, “we're seeing what appears to be a slow plasma leak from the Galileo on the view screen.”

“Yeah, it's visible from here, too,” Jim said. “The left nacelle appears to be damaged worse than we thought. Khan, can we access the starboard panel? There should be a repair kit there. We might be able to seal the nacelle before it becomes a larger issue. I don’t think we can move her until we do. We’re about a minute from all our technology going out, so we’re going to be having some fun after this. Khan, after you secure the cable, grab two of the safety vests and ties, too, so we can latch on to the Galileo. We’re going to have to do this repair manually.”

"Yes, Captain," Khan said, keeping his eyes on their destination as his thrusters gave out, as expected. The remaining distance had to be crossed with care, as any slight miscalculation could knock them off course, which would delay rescue of the Galileo, but also could have deadly consequences if they collided into a larger body, unable to control their velocity. Forced to make contact, then push off the medium, car-sized rocks, Khan managed one last change in his trajectory before making contact with the side of the stranded shuttle. Securing his line on the shuttle meant, dead or alive, it would be retrieved by Sulu. But the preference was still to bring the crew back alive, so carefully the augment had to pull himself around the outside hull, keeping his points of contact as secure as possible now that he was no longer tied off. 

Jim scrambled a little at the end, but snagged his side, as well, before hooking off the cable on his side. He held up a big thumb to Sulu, hoping the pilot was watching through the small viewscreen, very zoomed in. He then pointed toward the other side of the shuttle to indicate that he and Khan were going to work on trying to fix the nacelle. And wasn’t that going to be fun without any kind of technology. He began to crawl along the surface of the shuttle, slowly making his way round to the other side. The door had a nice handle or two and then he peeked around the corner to see where Khan was.

After opening the side panel, Khan pulled at a magnetic zip cord and tied himself off, while he held the other one at the ready for Jim, to latch onto him once he got close enough. As Jim inched his way closer, Khan immediately secured his line, then placed a firm hand on his shoulder to draw his eyes. He wanted to ensure that Jim was uninjured and ready to proceed.

Then in a combination of generic hand gestures and knowledgeable sign language, Khan explained to Jim that he could observe four points in which the plasma was venting. These points were clustered together, which made the problem somewhat easy to address, but still required a patient touch. 

Jim grinned as Khan didn’t even let him put on his own safety lines, but made sure he was attached and well first. He mimed a giant hug and a kissy face at Khan, before watching him go into sign language to explain the damage to the nacelle. Amused at Khan’s knowledge (though somewhat flattered that the augment assumed Jim knew sign language, as well), Jim first signed, “Show off,” at him and then asked with what they were going to seal the ruptures. He moved to see the repair kit and fumbled through it to try and see what they had on them that would actually work in this technologically challenged area.

Reaching forward, over Jim's shoulder, Khan selected a sort of syringe that was meant to patch holes from a micro meteor shower to the side of the hull to make it airtight again. Khan indicated that the gel inside could be used for the same purpose as patching the plasma leek, at least for the short amount of time they needed it contained in order to have the shuttle pulled back to safety. However, the problem was getting the gel out, since the device could not be turned on. Sticking the magnetic syringe to the side of the hull, Khan then explained through sign and gesture that they would need to rupture the device, which essentially meant breaking it, to release the gel in one large explosion. It would be messy, and the patch job would be far from pretty, but it would be functional. 

Jim laughed his delight and took the syringe, determined to do the explosion himself. He scrambled himself into place and then considered the best way to explode the syringe so the gel landed in the right spots. He waved away Khan, knowing the augment would be there in a second to show he already knew how to do it best, and decided on his angle. With a huge grin, he used the jagged edge of the shuttle’s damage to slice open the syringe, which caused gel to explode out of the side and adhere all over the damage, as well as all over unaffected areas...and Jim’s gloves. He laughed again and showed Khan that it had worked, shifting to expose the area to Khan’s gaze.

With a more than obvious exasperated look for the mess Jim made, Khan then leaned in and examined the four points of where the leaks had been with a critical eye. He tested the joints, placing one of the smaller tools in the hollowed out area to see if it rotate outwards from any further venting. But the tool floating in place, exactly where Khan had placed it. And while the gel did it's job, it wouldn't hold back a plasma leak indefinitely. With a nod of approval, Khan closed up the access point, then hooked another line between himself and Jim. They would have to be towed back on the outside, and Khan wasn't about to risk Jim's line breaking and leaving him behind while he and the shuttle were still pulled to safety. 

Jim signed to Khan that he worried too much and then gestured to Sulu that they were ready for the tow. With a laugh, he took a hold of one of Khan’s hands, as the Einstein’s engines powered back up and with a lurch, tugged at the stuck shuttle. There was a moment when nothing happened and then the Galileo snapped free of the asteroid, shooting through space toward the towing shuttle. He made a noise of delight as they zoomed forward and clutched Khan’s hand tighter.

As they left behind the zone of technological malfunction, Jim said, “Kirk to Spock, are you getting any readings from the shuttle?” 

“Affirmative, Captain,” Spock said and his voice sounded grave. “The nose of the shuttle has suffered more damage than previously estimated. Hull breach is imminent, and the front end of the shuttle may break off and send it into an uncontrolled spin.” 

“Beam everyone off the shuttle,” Jim ordered and then said to Khan, “We have to decouple to shuttles from each other and us from the Galileo. Sulu, come to a subtle stop.” He reached out and began to undo his ties.

Working together efficiently, Khan unhooked two of the contact points, while Jim did the same for the other two. It was dangerous work, considering that at any moment the hull could collapse inward, then vent a dangerous amount of oxygen or other gases directly in their face, potentially shooting through their suits and exposing them to the vacuum of space, all within seconds. But both men understood the risk without pointing it out to the other, working quickly to clear the lines from the shuttle. Then by physically launching himself from the side of the shuttle and using the thrusters on the flight suit (which were thankfully now working), Khan wrapped his arm around Jim's side so that they could boost each other away from the impending danger. 

Jim put an arm around Khan’s shoulders, just as the shuttle’s front gave, silently, but with deadly results. The escaping gases vented in the opposite direction of the two, but propelled the shuttle toward them, even as small pieces began to split and cause the shuttle to spin in an almost lazy arc. He turned on his boots to add to the force of Khan’s and held on, trusting the augment now to guide them, since both of them trying to steer uncoordinatedly might prove disastrous. “Tell me what you need from me,” he said to Khan, knowing the other man was running calculations in his head at a furious speed to best judge how to get them to safety.

The force of the explosion and venting gas hardly gave Khan enough time to explain what he needed from Jim. But he pulled Jim in close, facing him and hugged his arms around his body, so that Khan was still looking forward and Jim was able to look back over his shoulder, with the thrusters on their suit balanced out in such a way that made the two of their bodies into a very, very small rocket. "Need your eyes." He needed Jim to tell him if debris from the shuttle was coming their way, or if he had managed to get them clear. Then with a jolt, both men shot directly up, no longer following the path they had been on to rejoin Sulu on the shuttle. Khan quickly weaved them past smaller, dopey little rocks, before aiming for a much larger one, wanting to put bed-sized asteroid between them and the pieces of shuttle that there in pursuit. Zigzagging from one point to another, Khan kept them moving, listening to the subtle responses of Jim either pulling on his suit to avoid something that was drawing closer, or to actual direction from his lips. 

“Shit, the port nacelle’s only fifty feet behind us, Khan!” Jim said. “Power dive! I don’t think we have enough room to make the other asteroid. Dive! Dive!” He tucked himself against Khan and prepared himself for the sharp motion Khan was going to have to make to get them out of the way of the oncoming shuttlecraft. “Why does this always happen to us?”

With a hand against the back of Jim's head, at the base of his skull to prevent the danger of whiplash from the quick motion, Khan held Jim very firmly as he dove down in another direction. It was a sharp turn, and even at this speed, the two experienced a fair amount of uncomfortable g-force pushing their bodies. The wake of their joint thrusters kicked up several small prices of rock, which began to shoot off in new directions, leaving what looked like something of a multi-dimensional pool table to play out behind them, rocking impacting other rocks, some coming to collide with the shuttle debris where it crumbled on impact, or had enough force of it's own to knock the debris in the opposite direction. 

Jim gripped even tighter, grateful for the hold Khan kept of his head. “We’re clear!” he yelled as the shuttle passed close over them both and then smashed into the asteroid Khan had originally had them aimed for. “Shit!” He watched as bits of both shuttle and asteroids began to scatter in all different directions. “Now we’ve got lots to dodge. Get ready! Oh fuck! Khan, look out!!!”  
~~~~~~~~~

Jim looked up when Bones stepped out of the small medical room, where he’d been examining Khan. “How is he?” he asked and approached his friend quickly. 

“Healing rapidly,” Bones said with a little frown. “Which is more than I would be saying for you if Khan hadn’t taken the full force of the asteroid shard to the back, instead of letting you.” His tone said that he didn’t understand this new version of Khan very well.

Jim grinned at the news and clapped Bones on the shoulder. “Thanks, Bones.” He hurried inside to see Khan, ignoring the grumbling protest of his friend behind him. “You are a jackass,” he told the augment with a poke to his unwounded arm. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again. What was the meaning of taking the whole impact of the asteroid? I was only gonna get a glancing blow.” He folded his arms across his chest and asked, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

With the arms of the space suit he had been wearing tied across his hips, Khan sat on the edge of the medical bed in this half undressed state. Now that Doctor McCoy was done with his exam, Khan was pulling his undershirt back on. But he did not understand why everyone was scolding him. First McCoy. Now Jim. Feeling the answer was obvious, Khan frowned slightly before he explained, "You entrusted me with your care. The impact would have harmed you, far more then it harmed me. I do not see why you are upset with me ... I was protecting you."

Jim smiled softly and reached out to take one of Khan’s hands carefully. “Thank you, Khan,” he said, “for protecting me. But as a friend, I also have to scold you for putting yourself in danger, even on my behalf. You keep an eye on Bones and see the technique perfected. It means I care about you and worry about your well-being, even though logically, I know you’re exceptionally strong and heal amazingly fast. Still, seeing you get hit with a ton of rock and knowing you got hit to protect me...well, I understand why Spock always wants to clobber me when I do that to him.” He rubbed his thumb over Khan’s knuckles. “It does mean a lot to me, to have someone jump in front of the danger on my behalf.”

Khan however still didn't quite understand this. It shouldn't mean anything to Jim, it should be expected. But this was Khan's engineered thinking, for the greater good, for the good of others, for the love and loyalty of Jim Kirk, his family. It was as natural a reflex as self preservation was to anyone else. "Then you will likely be scolding me many times. Because I will not apologize for it. Nor take it back. And I will do it over again, every time." He said firmly. 

“You better get used to my doing the same then,” Jim said with clear amusement and warmth for the other man in his eyes. “That instinct’s not going to be exclusive to you. Now, are you ready the blow this joint? I owe you a drink.” He tugged at Khan’s arm lightly, encouraging him to get up and head out of Sickbay, which despite the presence of Bones, was not one of Jim’s favorite places.

"You do not owe me anything, Jim. But I will accompany you, if that is what you want." Khan said as he stood. Untying the arms of the jumpsuit from around his hips, Khan pushed his arms through each in turn, though did not activate the pressure to keep it airtight, as that was no longer necessary now that they were back on the Enterprise. "May I return to my room, to change into more conventional attire?" 

Jim looked him over and then laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah. Of course. Sorry about that. How about we replicate you a uniform here and let you get changed? I’ll give you a few minutes to yourself.” He patted Khan’s right shoulder and headed out of the small room, shutting the partition so Khan could change in peace. He paced Sickbay, avoiding Bones, still hopped up from their adventure. 

Stripping out of the flight suit, Khan placed it in the medical receptacle generally used for clothing or bedding that needed to be sterilized before used again. Though there were no contaminants on the suit, it was standard procedure regardless. Then ordering up a uniform from the replicator, Khan pulled it on over his body, adjusted the cuffs around his wrists before reemerging. "I admit," he began conversationally, "it was surprising that Doctor McCoy did not spend a longer time fussing over you."

“Well, he already knew that you had taken the impact for me,” Jim said. “So, he focused his attentions on you. Don’t worry, he’ll get to scolding and lecturing me later. About what a damn fool I am and how I take too many chances. And now, I can add in how I put you at risk, too.” He sighed and looked at his feet. “He won’t change his mind even if you argue that you want to be the first line of my defense.” 

Really, there was no winning. Spock would remain suspicious of Khan, believing he could never show enough loyalty. While McCoy would sold Khan for showing too much. "It is a relief that you are unharmed. And that your people were successfully rescued. Presumably the shuttle is a lost cause for salvage." 

“Yeah, it’s a mess,” Jim said. “We did well to save everyone from the shuttle. The real interesting part will be trying to figure out what caused all of our technology to malfunction. I’m not sure how we’re going to determine what’s to be blame, when we can’t get close enough to the asteroids to take more than really perfunctory scans. I was wondering if you might want to take another walk for me through the belt. Maybe see if we can figure something out not using our advanced technology.”

"Yes, of course. I am happy to do so, Captain." Khan said, giving Jim a small nod as they walked side by side together down the hallway. And while he knew from experience that the crew of the Enterprise was not one to easily give in, Khan was surprised that they did not scratch the mission of further analyzing the asteroid field. The area could very easily be labelled a dead zone for future reference, and the Enterprise could move on to their next mission a day or two early. "I will make myself available to you, on your word."

“Awesome,” Jim said with a little spring in his step. “Think of what this means if we can figure it out. This may be a way to build defenses or even, weapons, if that becomes a necessity. But also, we get to try and decide how to conduct the experiment. How do we figure out what’s causing the problem? So, I was thinking we should dumb the technology down, and who better to help with that than Khan?”

"Hm." Khan gave something of an uncertain look, deciding if he should be offended or not. Was he good at dumbing things down, to make the content more accessible to those who were not up to his speed? Yes. But was Jim saying that? Or was he calling him simple minded? "It could very well be that several of the asteroids give off a magnetic pulse, in their celestial wonderings. Depending upon their origin, this may very well be the cause of your technology crashing." Khan said, already hypothesizing on the situation. 

Jim gave Khan a playful grin and said, “Since you’re over 300 years old and know more about older technologies than anyone else on this ship. What did you think I meant?” He lightly bumped into Khan’s body with his own and grinned at him brightly. 

“You’d think we’d pick up some trace of magnetic pulses if they did emit them,” he said with a hum. “At least something faint. They just crossed over this invisible barrier and nothing worked. I’m thinking some kind of new mineral that might be present in the asteroids, something not described yet.”

Khan however knew what many on the Enterprise thought of in terms of "older technologies". To them it meant using a flint stone to start a fire, or crossing a body of water in a paddle boat, when it really meant dial-up internet connections and manual transmissions. But the attitude was the same, Khan was from an outdated era, that might as well have been the stone age, to modern minds.

"It may prove to be a problem, should it be an actual mineral deposit. As I cannot retrieve a sample, and bring it aboard the Enterprise, without putting your entire ship at risk."

“Well, one thing at a time,” Jim said and lightly bumped into his side again. “We can think of some way of containing the mineral, if that is the cause of the technological failures. First thing is how to figure it out at all. We should do some sort of walk around the ware to try and determine the exact distance of the border of the interference zone...that might give us some idea of the origin. And it’s potential strength.” He took one of Khan’s hands and gave it a light squeeze, even as he continued to think it out. “You and I can devise a plan and then run it by Spock. This is going to be fun! As long as you don’t run into anymore pieces of debris.”

Khan did not respond to Jim constantly bumping and nudging him, instead, seemed to behave much like a family guard dog, accustomed to having his ears and tail pulled at by the kids, but ready to turn ferocious defend his home from strangers in an instant. But holding hands in public like this was something of a surprise to him. Small, physical comforts were reserved for the privacy of their rooms, weren't they? Was Jim in need of comfort just then? Or was he somehow showing off the power he had over Khan? It was a grim thought the augment noted as he glanced down to their joined hands. But like the rest of his new life here on the Enterprise, Khan attempted to accept his situation. Jim was holding his hand. That was a fact. Whatever reason behind it, did not matter. It was what Jim wanted, so Khan gave his hand freely.

"Yes, Captain. I should not have speculated, before reviewing the details of this situation." Khan felt rather sour towards Commander Spock just then, knowing the Vulcan would not have made an uninformed comment, as Khan had done, in order to show concern over the crew of the Enterprise. An unhappy twist settled, planting itself in the pit of his stomach, but soon sprang up like a weed, tight in his chest. There was no amount of pretending. No amount of Jim trying to insist upon it. Khan did not fit in here.

Jim frowned a little at the words and said, “There’s nothing wrong with a little speculation, Khan. It’s not like I don’t do it all the time. Only Spock refrains from the illogic of it.” He made little ‘air quotes’ around the word illogic. “And, with your help, we will definitely figure everything out much faster.” He released Khan’s hand after a final squeeze and headed into the turbolift. “Let’s head for my Ready Room. We can replicate something to eat and drink and talk over our plan. What do you think?”

"Yes, Jim. If that is what you would like." Khan said, standing and waiting for the turbolift for less then a minute before it arrived. Stepping on, Khan kept to one side, giving two junior engineers their space. While Khan was fond of Mr. Scott, and got along with many of his technicians, his exposure to the entire team was still limited. With a deep breath, Khan waited out the journey before the two got off on another deck, leaving Khan and Jim alone for the moment. 

Jim studied Khan for a moment and then said, “You know I take into account your wants and likes, too. Right? Like I do all of my crew...and cause you’re also my friend.” He stepped out of the turbolift and nodded to Spock at the comm. “We’re just passing through. You still have the comm, Mr. Spock.” He tilted a wink at Chekov and then Uhura, as they went by toward the Ready Room. “What would you like for...what meal are we at anyway? Dinner? Anyway, what do you want to eat?” 

Khan glanced briefly to the staff on the bridge, but did not hold their gaze for very long. They were busy at work, and like Jim said, they were just passing through. Once in the Ready Room, Khan nodded once to confirm, that yes, the meal observed at this hour was generally dinner, though they could very easily order anything they wished. The reflexive answer was to order something basic, to feed the essentials. Rice. Vegetables. But Khan was craving a comfort food, and so approached the replicator and ordered a curry noodle soup. Within moments, a very wide, but shallow bowl materialized with a green broth and fine noodles floating about small mixed vegetables. Setting the bowl on the long conference table, Khan then waited for Jim to decide upon his meal, not sitting to eat until Jim had joined him.

Jim inhaled the scent of Khan’s meal and then smiled at him, glad to see him eat something other than strictly necessary for diet. “Is that something I can eat?” he aked. “It looks and smells delicious.” He had a cup of coffee replicated with extra cream and sugar and took a deep sip, before setting the cup on his desk. 

"It is spicy." Khan warned. "How do you feel about coconut?" Even if it was not something Jim was allergic to, many people were not fond of the taste, even though the coconut milk in the soup was well hidden with other powerful scents and flavours. "You are welcome to try some of mine, if you are indeed curious." Khan offered, gently pushing the bowl on the table, a little further from himself so that Jim might more easily enjoy a spoonful. 

“Thank you,” Jim said and scooped up a spoonful into his mouth, eyes closing in enjoyment. “Mmm. I’ll take a bowl of this please. What do I ask the replicator for exactly?” He was glad he could enjoy this without any seeming unpleasant after-effects. One never knew when his annoying allergies would pop up and make a good meal into a disaster. “I rather like cocoanut, though mostly when it’s combined with alcohol.” He grinned at the other man, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"The one I ordered is a curry vegetable noodle soup, but it can include beef or pork, if you wish." Khan suggested, hoping to satisfy Jim's tastes. "I would usually eat this with cold salad rolls, but the sauce would trigger your allergies, so I will not consume it in your presence, or in a room you use regularly." Khan added by way of conversation. 

“You really are thoughtful, Khan,” Jim said with a smile. “Sorry for my allergies. They can be a pain to get around.” He ordered up the soup and then a bit of one of his own favorite comfort foods to share- bread pudding, sans any fruit that might taint the pure dessert goodness. He also got extra sauce to go with it, before carrying all of that back to his desk. “Here. We can truly share things we like together.” He took the seat across from Khan and then tried a few spoonfuls of soup, smiling more with each bite. 

“So, thank you again for saving my life again. I mean that both ways, too. Thanks again and saving my life again. You’re making it a habit. And I guess you plan to keep it that way, huh?” he asked and smiled again, eyes warm. 

"Thank you." Khan said, but for the time being, kept his hands on his own meal. Khan felt as adrift and displaced as the asteroids they were meant to be observing. And though he was floating along with other crewmen of the Enterprise, that had only been a temporary fix to his heartache and loneliness. It was no longer enough. The augment was craving more structure, a feeling that he could count on tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. Something reliable. Steady.

Khan ate a little before he lifted his gaze, listening to Jim give thanks. "Yes, Jim. I intend to protect you, for as long as it is in my power to do so."

“And otherwise being an invaluable asset to me and the Enterprise,” Jim said warmly and snuck a forkful of bread pudding. “So, bizarre area of technological interference. I’ve never seen anything exactly like that. You and I can explore the outskirts and see if its mappable or too large for us to do when we’re at the mercy of losing our technology by crossing the line. We can mark the outside with some stable beacons, taking care they can’t drift into the zone. If nothing else, we can leave them there as a warning to other ships in the area. Are you good with helping me?” He warmed his hands with his coffee. “There are no lingering effects from the blow you took?”

"I am unharmed." Even if he would remain a little sore or tender for an hour or two yet, the augment was quick to heal. "And happy to remain of use to you." Drinking a few spoonfuls of just the broth, Khan licked his lips, enjoying the burn of curry on his lips. It warmed him in ways that he had missed, combating the coldness of space with something that made him feel good again. "Whatever you need."

“Thank you,” Jim said. “Sucks about the Galileo, though. It’s pretty early to have lost a shuttle.” His face brightened, and he sat up straighter in his chair. “Hey! I bet you’ve thought of a million ways already to improve the shuttlecraft. Do you think we could build one?”

"Yes, Jim. Easily." Khan said gently, though his confidence in himself and his abilities was not meant to be rude. But the augment had many solutions in his brain, so solve many problems on the Enterprise, short term and long term alike. But unless they were immediately necessary, Khan kept them to himself, and only provided solutions for when he was asked. His help was free, and exceptional, it simply needed to be asked for. And many preferred to come to their own solutions, regardless of how long it took them. "If I may."

Jim chuckled warmly and said, “Figured you might say that.” He had grown accustomed to Khan’s truthful boastfulness, understanding that it wasn’t meant in any way rude or disrespectful. At least, not anymore. “Mr. Scott will want to be involved, of course, and I think it might be a good idea to have Chekov as part of the project, too. He loves designing and always has ideas that are completely unique. Besides, I think you’d be a good teacher for him, if you’re willing to take him under your wing….at least a little.” 

"Yes, Captain. Of course." Khan accepted the instruction that he should work with others, and the request to possibly guide Chekov, with ease. But it was no great strain, if allowed, Khan was a natural teacher. and he worked well with Mr. Scott regardless, as his stream of constant complaints and chattiness balanced out Khan's reserved quietness. Khan could filter the rants for hours on end, treating it as a sort of white noise, which he found easy to work by. 

“He’s a good kid,” Jim said. “I don’t think he’s ever met a problem he didn’t throw himself headfirst into. And his first instinct is to like everybody. You have to work to make him an enemy. He’s very curious about you, too, and would like to get to work more with you. That’d pull Sulu into the mix, too, since the two of them are very close.” He studied Khan’s face as he spoke, trying to read there how the other man felt about everything. He’d learn to read the smallest cues from Spock and now worked to do the same with Khan. There was so much going on behind those eyes, and he wanted to understand so he could make the right moves with the augment.

Setting his spoon aside, bowl only half empty, Khan stood and returned to the replicator, ordering a small white tea. He wanted something smooth, mild and delicate now, to moderate the taste in his mouth. "What makes you think he is curious about me?" Khan asked, waiting for his tea to materialize before he returned to his seat. But as he did so, an obvious fact suddenly occurred to him. "You are quite a collection of child prodigies, all of you." It was this strange observation that finally allowed the man to smile a little. 

Jim laughed a little at the words and the slight hint of a smile on Khan’s face. “Yeah. We’re all a buncha babies, as far as Starfleet is concerned. Youngest crew in the fleet...and the one they chose for their flagship and the craziest mission. Even Spock is a mere infant, especially by Vulcan age.” He noted Khan had pushed aside his food and frowned a little, but decided not to challenge him on that for the moment. 

“Chekov is curious about everything, but he’s been asking me about your work,” he said. “Carefully worded questions, to make sure he’s not asking personal stuff, but it’s easy to read between the lines. Even on this ship, Pavel is special...having someone else who can keep up with the whirling of his brain, mentor him on how best to focus his genius would be awesome. I’m hoping the two of you might make beautiful science together. And I think you could easily be friends. That’d be even better.” 

"If he is indeed willing. I am happy to mentor and guide him. Give his ideas, direction and focus. It is a welcome partnership." The part of Khan that had helped raise and train the other augments, the part of him that was nurturing and caring, still needed an outlet. Therefore, the role of teacher or mentor was a natural one. "Will you arrange a meeting for us, so that I am not calling on him unexpectedly while on duty, or outside his quarters?" 

“Sure,” Jim enthused, gladdened by Khan’s positive response to the idea. “He’s pretty energetic and may talk your ear off, but I think you two will get along well.” He finished his bowl of soup and moved it to the side of the desk. “Won’t you help me with this pudding? If left to my own devices, I might eat the whole thing. Even though I got it in a bit of a larger size in the hopes you might share with me.” Frankly, Khan was weirder about eating than he was, at least now. It’d taken some years for Jim to relearn normal eating habits after Tarsus.

It was true, Khan had a difficult relationship with food as well. He found it difficult to take in more than what was necessary, and things like desserts were not necessary to his function. But every time Jim offered him something like this, Khan agreed to it. Weather to be apart of the human experience, or to make Jim happy, or to rationalize an indulgence, Khan accepted the offer. Licking the front and back of his spoon to clear away the residue of his soup, Khan then scooped out a mouthful of the pudding to eat. "Thank you." 

“Thank you for sharing with me,” Jim said and took his own bite. “I figure it’ll take a days to prepare what we need for the next asteroid walk, as well as brief everyone about our ideas. Also, Spock and Bones will want to make their objections, per usual. I’ll schedule a briefing for the morning. And I’ll ask Mr. Chekov for a private interview for when we return. How does that sound?”

"Very good, Captain." Khan said, eating a second spoonful before sipping his tea again.


	7. Chapter 7

Philisitus Omicron Beta (POB to all of the Senior Staff, except Spock) had a very civilized culture. 

Very civilized.

The inhabitants- tall, willowly, blonde humanoids, with the most enormous yellow eyes- loved classical arts and architecture, fashion, fine dining, music, and dancing. Especially dancing. Their interactions were governed by very carefully followed mannerisms, though their overall relationships were much freer than those allowed by many cultures. Indeed, physical intimacies were considered a part of finest culture. Individuals were encouraged to enjoy as many partners as they could, before starting a family. And even then, they did not practice monogamy by any stretch of the imagination. 

However, to Jim’s amusement and annoyance (though much less at being left out than one might expect), the Philistusians were much more fascinated by the dark-haired members of his crew than he himself. Dr. McCoy and Spock ended up having to be removed from the Away Team, as neither of them were at all at ease with the attentions they drew. Chekov similarly was kept far away, as his curls were an additional delight to a race whose hair all grew long and straight. In the end, Jim (with his boring blonde hair, and was that ever a first), Sulu (who could remain calm in the face of any storm), Uhura (ditto), Nurse Chapel (same boring hair) and Khan (who could ward off an unwanted proposal without changing expression) made up the diplomatic party. It was one of the stranger arrangements they’d had to make so far, but in the end, after nearly two weeks of diplomatic negotiations, they had reached an accord for POB to proceed to the next step to becoming Federation members.

And so, a great ball was thrown and the Enterprise’s diplomatic team invited to attend. Jim wore his godawful formal tunic and watched as Sulu and Uhura danced nearly every dance, while he and Nurse Chapel were only asked a polite number of times. Khan was, well, Khan, so despite the intense interest in his person by every individual who caught sight of him, Jim didn’t really expect him to dance.

Which is why seeing him swirling gracefully around the floor with the beautiful princess, the Lady Teracita, was such a surprise. Maybe more than a surprise, given how something in Jim’s gut clenched hard and refused to release. For here was proof most positive of what Jim had been seeing for the last three months- Khan was fast recovering and would soon be his own man again. He’d no longer have need of Jim the way he had to begin with. Probably wouldn’t want to even be reminded of the clinginess of those early days. Since he’d seen the first signs, good though they were, Jim had been anticipating the day when Khan efficiently, though not cruelly, removed himself from Jim’s life.

Khan was a different man these days. He set reasonable boundaries as to what others could ask of him. He attended social functions on the Enterprise without need of personal invitation, which had allowed him to enjoy several traditional musical performances, research lectures, and even a few birthdays celebrations. No longer needing to go out of his way to prove that he was not a threat to the crew of the Enterprise, Khan held himself well these days. He did not move aside or lower his gaze as he had done so before. He claimed his space and spoke up, all while maintaining the peace. This was a man who felt confident in the way things were, as chaotic as they could sometimes be. This was a version of Khan that could be firm with others, without the first instinct of others to report him to security or members of senior staff because they were somehow made to feel afraid. Even if he did not appear some version of blissfully happy on the surface, Khan was settling in, accepting that the Enterprise was his new home, and her crew, his family.

So he represented himself well as a member of the diplomatic group, observing every subtle mannerism and turn of phrase that helped push their talks along. In fact, he founds all these little habits quite easy and natural to abide by, as he responded well to such displays. And so, when the princess of the Philistusians asked him to dance, Khan knew he could not refuse in the same way he had declined other offers. Instead, he demonstrated great talent, strength and intimacy in dance with the princess, reciting thoughtful and relevant quotes from Earth-based literature to tempt her pallet of one of the cultures her people would soon be partnering with. 

Jim watched as the two of them twirled around the dancefloor and noted how the princess laughed and leaned even closer to Khan. She slid a hand up his chest and made an obvious request to the augment, something of the most personal nature of all. And Jim did not see how Khan could possibly refuse, nor why he should. The offer was most genuine, and the princess most lovely. Jim would have taken her up on it in a heartbeat, delighted that it could be considered a part of diplomatic relations. He turned his eyes away from them, not wanting to see anymore. Maybe he should get something to eat. 

After two more dances, one nearly an hour long, testing the endurance of the Philistusian's remaining guests, Khan and the princess retreated from the public eye for a few private minutes. Eventually Khan remerged, something of glitter-like substance having rubbed off on his neck, hands, and the side of his face. It was a very fine dusts that the natives extruded through their skin in place of sweating, it was their version of shedding dead skin cells, and right now, due to the intimate nature of his dance with the princess, it was all over his bare skin, giving Khan a similar glow as the natives. 

As soon as Khan disappeared, Jim spoke the farewells of the Enterprise’s crew to the queen and king, before heading out to the transporter site by himself. Sulu, Uhura and Chapel had left quite awhile ago, and Jim trusted Khan to get himself aboard before the Enterprise needed to head off. Meanwhile, he planned to get very very drunk and sleep until the next afternoon. That was one nice thing about having the next day off. But on the way, he nearly ran right into Khan...who sparkled, literally. 

Jim knew what that meant and forced a smile at the other man. “Good evening, Khan. You look like you had a nice time tonight.” He swallowed any bitterness and relaxed a little, saying with more honesty, “Smiles look good on you. I was glad to see it. Are you sure you want to come back so soon? There’s still hours before we need to head out.”

Khan gave Jim a little smile. In most other situations, it would have been Jim to stay back, staying to the final minutes before their departure. But since blonde hair was so common among the native inhabitant, he was not as exotic to the eyes of the Philistusians, as Khan and Uhura and Sulu had been. He had seen that Jim felt a little left out, but at the time, there was nothing to be done about it. "It is time to return," he said simply, feeling no need to stay longer. 

Jim’s eyes darted all over Khan, noting that he was indeed covered with the glittery remains of his activities. “I just thought that you might want to spend more time with the princess. She was very into you, and I know she had the mind to keep you interested, too. You could have a few more hours, at least.” He cleared his throat and turned away from the augment, feeling his face color a little. “Sorry. I know you’re a very private individual. I shouldn’t pry.”

"I understand your meaning, Jim. And I do not mind." At least in this context. "Yes, you are correct in your observations." He began to explain, walking back to the transporter site with Jim, "The princess had taken an interest in me, and while I was happy to dance with her, I declined her invitation to share her bed." But then he was quick to add, not wanting Jim to think that diplomatic relations were ruined because Khan had said no, "We left on good terms, as I was not cruel in my rejection, just as she was understanding of my cultural difference on this issue." 

“You said no?’ Jim asked, obviously startled by that idea. “But- I mean-” He bit down on his questions, which were none of his business. He regrouped and offered an apologetic smile at his friend. “I know you wouldn’t have done anything to endangered our diplomatic relations. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how good you are at them. After all, you have years of previous experience, don’t you? Thank you for taking part in this mission. We’ve done well here...made a new connection for the Federation. And you put up with more than any man should have to as part of that.” And finally, he laughed a little to himself. “Oh my God, you were like everyone’s wet dream come true. I don’t think I’ve ever been so resolutely ignored before...even by Vulcans!”

"I said no," Khan reiterated, fingering the back of his hand, trying to clear off some of the dust, but only succeeded in spreading it around more. "Regardless of beauty or charm, it is not in my nature to bed a partner so lightly. I cannot imagine engaging in such an act, only to leave them behind." Khan was looking for a long term partner, someone to share a lifetime of pleasures with. "If I were to open myself to such intimacy, I would not wish to close the door so quickly," Khan said, hoping that Jim understood him, even if he did not necessarily agree. "There were many who were eager for my attention. And I believe I satisfied all observed manners on the issue. Just as the Philistusians understand that not all people share their open views, and that without my consent, such things would be considered a crime."

Jim looked at him and asked, “Are you ready for that now, Khan? I mean, are you actively looking for a partner? You don’t have to answer, of course. Just...good for you, you know?” He paused and looked around them. “You think anyone would mind if we just walked around for awhile?” He didn’t feel tired anymore, though he refused to seriously analyze why that might be. The Enterprise wasn’t expecting them back at any particular time, and they did have hours. “A walk in the moonlight might be a nice way to end the night.” 

Khan pulled at the cuff of his sleeve, but then gave a nod as he folded his hands behind his back to keep from picking at his skin. It looked like he would have to live with the gold and silver dust on his skin a little longer. Glancing up towards the moon and the darkness of space, Khan considered his answer. But when nothing felt right, or entirely honest on his tongue, Khan instead remained quiet on the subject for a while longer. "A walk would be nice, I agree. It is very satisfying to me, to feel the effects of natural gravity, to walk among light and shadows that are not artificially created. I miss these small things, the smell of the ground, the touch of grass, from time to time."

“Uh, unless you need to go back and shower,” Jim said, having noticed Khan picking at himself. “How did you get to be covered with all the sparklies, if you didn’t do anything intimate?” He moved forward to gently brush at Khan’s sleeve, before lightly catching one of his hands and squeezing, before brushing that off, too.

"My shower can wait," Khan said, though looked down to acknowledge his state. "I experienced many polite exchanges tonight, collecting a little dust here and there...one could almost compare it to being pollinated," Khan said with a little hum. "However, the princess was keen on touching my skin, asking permission to kiss my hands or run her fingers through my dark hair. These did not seem unreasonable exchanges, so I allowed it," Khan said, then offered up both his hands to Jim for his inspection, and possibly, for him to somehow make right again. 

“She really did like you,” Jim agreed with a slightly crooked grin and then began wandering down one of the nearest paths, not caring where it was going. “And she took advantage to really enjoy herself.” He slanted him a look. “Did you enjoy your cultural exchanges, too, Mr. Singh?”

Unsure if the comment was Jim being lewd, Khan made some sort of noncommittal noise as he folded his hands behind his back again. "They are elegant, beautiful, graceful people...but my heart is called elsewhere. I enjoyed the evening. But nothing more then that."

Jim paused and turned to face Khan, stepping into his path. “Your heart is called elsewhere?” he asked, eyes big and very blue in the night. “I don’t have a right to ask, but will you explain what you mean? Please don’t drop a line like that on me without any explanation at all.” He reached out to lightly touch Khan’s right shoulder and squeezed.

"You want me to explain the nature of my heart?" Khan asked gently. "We have spoken of this before, Jim." The augment stood his ground, but the glow to his skin helped erase the usually menacing lines of his features. "You are my family. You have my love and my loyalty." These words had been spoken before, but perhaps Jim had not understood the full weight of them. "I want the life that keeps me at your side, over the one that keeps me in the bed of a prince or princess." 

Jim felt himself blush faintly at the words and stepped closer to Khan, placing a hand over his heart. “Yeah, I, uh...you’re my family, too, Khan. But if you wanted, you can have both of those things. I don’t like to think of you without other kinds of companionship just because of me...or the Enterprise.” He turned to walk next to Khan again, shoulders brushing lightly. He wanted to ask so badly if Khan meant more than family in the sense of brotherhood. Love and loyalty...it was enough to make Jim’s insides shiver a little. Those were strong words, especially for a man like Khan.

"Thank you, Jim, but I do not want the bed of strangers. I want someone who knows me, and who can love me, for more then one night at a time," Khan said, placing his hand lightly against Jim's back as they walked together. Many crewmen on the Enterprise were starting to get to know Khan, understand his dry humor, his work ethic, he was making friends, but regardless of how close he became with them, none of them would know Khan as intimately as Jim did, and no one would ever be allowed to, either. "I want a partner that fully understands my faults and my strengths, someone who understands how to handle my heart...how to handle me, when I am broken, or when I am at my best. And that is a love that one does not form over the course of a weekend while on an away mission with exotic strangers.”

Jim leaned into the warm hand on his back and said, “I’m sure you’ll find someone who deserves you, Khan. Given what great care you take of me, that will be one lucky person.” They strolled down the path for a moment of silence, before Jim cleared his throat again. “Don’t suppose you might be willing to give a relationship a try yet?” He glanced at Khan from the corner of his eyes, head tilting slightly in his direction. 

"Please explain," Khan said, his brain suddenly going fuzzy. He was not about to throw himself into a meaningless relationship, that was the point. Otherwise he would be in the bed of royalty, rather than walking with Jim by moonlight. So what was Jim asking? Or suggesting? Khan kept his eyes on Jim, not wishing to miss a single cue that might answer him better than how he sometimes understood Jim's words. 

“If there was someone willing to offer you what you wanted, or at least give it an honest try,” Jim said. “Are you at the point where you’d be willing to attempt it? That’s all I’m asking. No, that’s not all I’m asking...” He made a frustrated little noise at himself, squared his shoulders and turned again, eyes looking straight into Khan’s. He was a Kirk, goddamit, and it was time to act like one. “Me, Khan. Would you be willing to try with me?”

An easy, almost intoxicated smile warped Khan's mouth with joy. Sliding his hand over Jim's chest, Khan lightly grasped at the front of his tunic as if refraining himself from mauling Jim outright. "Yes, Jim, I would like that very much," he said, smoothing his other hand down Jim's shoulder and arm, keeping the other man centered before him.

Jim closed his eyes and let out a small breath of relief, before slotting naturally against him and lightly pressing their mouths together for a brief, chaste kiss. “I hated seeing you dance with the princess,” he confessed. “I’ve known we’ve gotten close this year, but I’m so fucking emotionally stunted that I didn’t realize how close I was until you started getting better and socializing more. And then I felt like the universe’s worst person for being jealous that I wasn’t the center of all your attention anymore.” He kissed him again, longer and with more of his prowess, but still not lingering much. “It’s only fair to warn you...I suck at this. Relationships, I mean. I don’t know what I’m doing, and you’ll probably get frustrated with me a lot, but I want it so bad. Want you, Khan.”

Khan listened attentively to Jim speak, even as he interrupted himself by giving Khan small kisses in between. And so, without a word, Khan directed Jim's left hand to his hip and his right to the back of his neck. Showing Jim where to hold him, in place of where the princess had pressed her own hands and body, Khan leaned in closer, slowly kissing the side of Jim's face, starting at the back of his jaw, just under his ear, and working his way up the side of his face, with light, affectionate kisses. "Dance with me, Jim. I much rather have you pressed against my body."

Jim shivered at the kisses bestowed on him by Khan, the first ones from his new lover (and the idea made him warm with delight and lust), and then took a firm grip to facilitate their dancing. “Yes, I’d like that, Khan,” he murmured and rested his head against Khan’s right shoulder, as he had seen the princess do. “Is Khan still what I should call you? Would you mind pet names? I tend to use ‘baby’ a lot. Would that be all right?” He waited for Khan to begin the dance, willing to follow him without complaint.

"Hm." Responding to any sort of pet name was highly unlikely, least of all 'baby.' Khan, however, gave the question fair consideration even so, "You may call me Noonien, if you like. Or is there a name you have in mind for me already?" At least if there was something specific, Khan might prove to be more willing. Dancing to the music that still played at the party in the far distance, Khan wrapped his arms around Jim in a relaxed embrace. Relaxed, not because he didn't take this seriously, but relaxed because he was comfortable.

“Noonien?” Jim asked and moved easily with him, content in this to take the lead of the older man. “Is that your given name? I confess, I’m not altogether familiar with the formalities of your name. I feel like some of it is title, more than name. Maybe I could call you my lion.” He caressed through the longish strands of Khan’s hair, which the augment had been successfully growing out. “That’s really what you are.”

"Noonien is the familiar name my creator called me at times, that is all. But I am happy to be your lion," he said with a little nuzzle of his nose against Jim's cheek. With a breath, Khan began to breathe in Jim's scent, taking it in to replace everyone else that he had encountered that evening. A warm shiver spread through his body, which was not uncommon to happen also on those evenings they would sit and watch movies together, or on those occasions Jim fell asleep against him when Khan was reading to him. 

Jim felt the slight tremor in the body next to him and responded with his own, sensitive to the other man’s responses. Beside, the soft touch of Khan’s nose to the skin of his cheek made little tingles run throughout his own nerves. “Noonien,” he murmured, testing it out on his tongue. “My lion.” He chuckled softly at the words, but there was no mockery there, as it was a laugh of pure pleasure. “And what will you call me?” He pulled back to look into Khan’s eyes, studying them intently to read all that they would reveal to him. 

With a slow blink, Khan lifted his gaze and allowed himself to meet Jim's eyes. There were many names swimming in his eyes, some elegant, some playful, and some Jim might only allow years from now. But that did not stop Khan from thinking of them, seeing them, as he looked at Jim. These names would have to go unspoken, and remain only in his thoughts as he called Jim by them in his mind, only. Touching thumb and pointer finger to the underside of Jim's chin, Khan smiled, then claimed his lips for a kiss.

Jim savored the kiss, eyes sliding closed, and leaned into the touch, mouth opening. He flicked his tongue teasingly over Khan’s lips, testing what the augment might want and allow. He wondered what Khan meant by a kiss, instead of a name, but the kiss was so pleasant that it scarcely mattered. He tightened his hold on Khan and pressed his body even closer, without losing the rhythm of their dancing. It was like they’d danced many times before, as they were that much in tune with each other. 

Pressing both hands against Jim's chest, outline the frame of his body, down the length of his formal tunic, Khan kept his curious hands on Jim more now then ever. He welcomed the playful tongue, sucking a little before pulling his head back to give Jim an affectionate smile. This first kiss. "What shall I call you, Jim? The answer is, anything you want. But right now, names and titles are not as important to me right now, as touching you. I am covered in the...glow...of others...and I would much rather have impressions of you, instead." 

“I don’t give off sparkles the way some others do,” Jim said with his own laugh, “but I shall happily blot out the memory of anyone else in your arms.” He rubbed against Khan with his full body for one move of the dance and then pulled back again, eyes warm. “I hope you realize what a randy pain-in-the-ass you’ve picked for a partner. I think you may need your extra energy to keep up with me.”

"Yes, Jim, I think I know you fairly well," Khan said, suddenly crowding Jim when he stepped back. "Pain in the ass. Difficult. Stubborn. Captain. Friend. Playful. Eager. Brave. Jim. I know you are all these things. And more." 

Jim laughed and stepped back into him, tilting his head to rub their noses together in a playful, but affectionate, gesture. “When I was little, kids used to call that an Eskimo kiss. Of course, that’s hardly culturally appropriate.” He repeated the gesture and then said, “I am all of those things, and you’re a lot of them, too.” They executed a neat turn, and Jim laughed again, the music practically unnecessary with Khan to lead them. “We do work well together.”

"Several Earth cultures observe the touching of noses and sharing a breath an intimate gesture. I do not mind it," Khan said with a little hum, his eyes and hands entirely on Jim, nothing else to steal his focus. "I am happy to share these traits in common with you, Jim. It has become a great comfort to me, the ways we are matched...or mismatched, and yet still make up the difference in each other." Khan kissed the side of his face lightly, "Do you mind that I think that way?"

“No. I don’t mind, Noonien,” Jim said, testing the name and finding it to his liking. “Have you been in this kind of relationship before? I’ve already confessed my total ignorance and fear that I’ll be a bit of a blunderer. Is this also new to you? Or are you well versed?” He shut his eyes to better enjoy the sway of their bodies, along with the sensation of Khan’s light kisses and touches. They were magnified against his skin, as he focused on them specifically, along with the way Khan guided him to the music.

"This is new to me as well, Jim. But I feel confident," Khan said, pressing a hand over Jim's front, off to one side, over his heart, then down slowly until it rested on his hip. "This is not the correct term, but in a way, these last few months we have been courting one another already. We have become close and have proven to be a good match, good companions to one another. We have already addressed issues of compatibility. As we have also tested the endurance of our friendship over time." 

“No, I think you’re right,” Jim said and raised one hand to stroke through Khan’s long hair, loving how it hung past his shoulders now. “You don’t know how many times I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch or caress you because it wasn’t appropriate before. Now, I’m going to indulge all of those impulses, if you’ll allow me, too. You’re so sexy. Not just your body, but your mind and your personality, now that you’ve shown us, shown me, more of your real self. I look forward to getting to know you even more intimately now, better than anyone else.” He was proud of that fact that Khan would allow (Hell, wanted) them to be closer and knew that probably shown on his face, almost like an extra glow of his own. Not sparkly, but it would do.

"Yes, Jim. Please do," Khan said, lightly closing his eyes when Jim reached up to touch his hair, and as his fingers combed through the black strands, Khan opened them again with a little purr. Slowly ending their dance, Khan stopped in such a way that both arms were hooked around Jim in a hug, holding him close as their bodies barely swayed side to side. "You already know me better then anyone else. And yet I still wish to share myself with you in many ways. And hope you feel the same."

“I do,” Jim said and then nibbled a little on his lower lip. “There are secrets I’ve never shared with anyone, Noonien, and it may take me a long time even to be able to share them with you. I just want to tell you that now, upfront. I’ve been called emotionally distant and secretive in the past, so I want to let you know that there are parts of me that will be hard to open up. I don’t want anything between us to start this.” He knew that his past had poisoned his outlook on relationships all his life, but somehow, Khan had broken through that wall between himself and most people. He wanted to see if they could make this work. More importantly, he wanted this to work for them.

"Yes, Jim. I understand." Previously, Khan had his baggage forcefully dumped everywhere, while Jim had yet to unpack his own. But Khan felt no need to push for this, after all, if events had played out differently, Khan would have carefully kept his baggage checked as well. There was no resentment, no feeling of unease, or any sense that he was at a disadvantage for it. "As long as you know, I am available to you, in any, and every capacity." In small or big ways, tomorrow or two hundred years from now. "I am not here to crack you open, to dissect you ... I am here to be a part of you, to share in your life."

“You have the best ways of phrasing things,” Jim said warmly and stepped back, taking one of Khan’s hands. He tugged lightly at him. “Let’s keep going, Noonien. I like this walking in the moonlight thing. Never really indulged in it before. Not like this anyway. Not with my significant other on my arm. Significant other? Boyfriend? Partner? Honeypie?” His mouth quirked into a grin at the other man, playful and hoping to engage Khan in his good mood, too.

Khan made something of a face that snarled his nose at the term 'honeypie'. "Would you like to call me your boyfriend? Your partner? I do not mind those names," he said, happily letting Jim lead them along, to walk in peace on this night. Some couples had memories of meeting in markets or cafes, schools or workplaces. They had memorable points in their lives, singled by parties or vacations, birthdays or holidays. All on Earth. But Jim and Khan would have very different memories. Their first kiss, their first time in the other's arms, their first night staying up all night talking, all of these things would be spread out across the stars. 

“Hmm, boyfriend doesn’t seem dignified enough for you,” Jim said. “You’re all man. Nothing boyish about you...unlike me. Partner fits, though. You’ve been at my side like any good partner for over a year now.” He lightly squeezed the strong hand. “My partner...yeah, that’ll work for when people ask me what we are to each other. It’s kind of nice to have a lion for a partner. Makes a person less afraid of the universe...not that I was ever very good at worrying about my health too much. Maybe you’ll be better at reining in my more ridiculous impulses now. Or at least protecting me from them.” He diverted off of the path on to a small meadow full of bright flowers that bloomed in the moonlight. “Look, are those moths...or bats?”

"Yes, Jim. Your lion. Your partner." Whether Jim was free with the information that Khan and Jim were partners, did not matter to the augment. The loss of face was on Jim, as Captain, more then it was on Khan. Though the augment did value his privacy, he trusted that Jim would be mindful and respectful of him in this way. 

Khan studied the urgent flapping of wings in the field, attracted to one glowing flower to another. "If they are moths, they are very large...actually, they are very large moths," Khan confirmed as they got closer, a few darting around them, attracted to the smallest object that reflected the moonlight, including Jim's Starfleet insignia. With a gentle anchoring of his weight, Khan stopped, then sank down to the ground to sit among the high grass and glowing flowers so that they could be surrounded by the curious creatures. 

Jim sat down, too, and leaned against Khan, watching the beautiful insects swirls around them and continue to pollinate their flowers. “This right here,” he said suddenly. “Pretty much the definition of why I wanted to get up in space so badly. Why I wanted to see new worlds and explore the stars. Cause of moments like this...and some of the exciting ones, too.” He rested his head on Khan’s right shoulder, enjoying the perch. “Never expected there was some way it could get even better than that, but here you are.”

Khan gave a subtle nod in agreement as he nuzzled against Jim's head again, unable to stop himself from doing so. Even though he did not choose this life, he understood Jim's reasoning and shared the feeling as if he had. "I understand you Jim. The universe can be a marvellous and beautiful place, but a little bit sad, too, if your eyes are the only ones that get to enjoy the sights."

Jim’s fingers twined with Khan’s, and he said, “I want to make sure you never have to be alone again, Noonien. Even when I can’t be by your side, I want you to feel like you have a place. More important, I want you to have that place. On the Enterprise. In Starfleet. On Earth. Or wherever you want to belong. The future’s bright ahead of us now. So much exploring to do and universe to see. And so much to learn about each other, too.” He raised his head enough to press a kiss to Khan’s neck, before relaxing back again. 

"Thank you." Khan said softly, taking in the full weight of Jim's words. His body naturally warmed, and his eyes dropped slightly, preferring the sight of Jim in his arms, then anything else in the universe right now. The way he felt and sounded, it was peaceful, while the moonlight and the glowing flowers in the field and the stars overhead were a beautiful background to the peace he felt in his arms. 

Jim found the stillness, the surroundings and Khan a balm to a nature that was often jittery and unable to truly just stop. But for the time, he could just enjoy himself without feeling the need to move or craving more. It was a rare thing for Jim, and he closed his eyes contentedly to drowse in this safe haven. “Would you ever have asked me?” he asked finally, curious and not pressing. “You reacted so positively to my suggestion that I can’t help but believe that you might have been thinking about it already.” 

"Yes Jim, I indulged the thought more than a few times." Khan said, pressing part of his face into Jim's head, nose lost in the warmth of his hair while he spoke out of the side of his mouth. "Perhaps in time, if I were certain my advances were welcome ... I would have...not asked, so much, but I would have suggested."

“I’m so impatient,” Jim mumbled. “I was coaching myself to wait a little longer, to let you really grow into your position on the Enterprise. But fuck, I didn’t want anybody else to get there first, not if we had a chance to really make this work. You’re my lion. My Noonien.” He paused and shifted to look into Khan’s eyes. “Oh hey...did you want to let everybody know right off or wait a little? I’m good just diving in and telling the whole crew, but that’s just me. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Or we can tell a few people first and let it spread naturally, as all good gossip does.

"Tell your close friends," Khan confirmed in agreement that he expected as much and was alright with it, "but I could do without it being broadcasted as some sort of ship-wide public announcement. Please." Reaching down, Khan slid his hand over Jim's wrist, just holding the back of his hand as they sat together and discussed these details. 

Jim chuckled and said, “You already know me too well, Noonien. Just bounding into my chair tomorrow morning and broadcasting throughout the ship that you’re no longer on the market.” He stretched out his fingers under Khan’s strong hand and then pressed up into them lightly. “I’ll tell Bones and Spock when I have a few minutes only with them. Frankly, I don’t think Bones’ll be very surprised, but Spock may need some time to deal with the idea. He still gets a little weird about me… should I tell Scotty, too? The two of you seem to get on well.”

"Yes, feel free to speak with Mr. Scott as well. We have become friends, for my part. And his reaction to the news might be lighter to bear." Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy might have very different reactions to the news, dealing with it in their own ways, but one thing Khan felt they would share in common, is a revised sense of suspicion.

“He’ll probably insist we all have drinks together, along with Keenser,” Jim said with a grin and a shake of his head. “That’s his response to all good news...and bad news. You’ll have to keep an eye on my consumption.” He considered the whole idea with a goofy smile on his face, feeling like the universe was just about perfect right now. 

"You can count on me, Jim." It was an easy enough thing, a redirection of Jim's hand, so that he reached for a cup of coffee or glass of milk, rather than whatever Mr. Scott was determined to embalm their intestines with. Looking after Jim was not the issue, it would never be an issue. He was Khan's family, and would always be looked after by the augment.

The idea of getting up and leaving this moment did not appeal, but Jim could feel time trickling away, as the night sky and the buildings in the near distance all fell slowly darker, until only a few dots of light remained. “I guess we should head back to the beam out location,” he said reluctantly. “Soon, we’re going to be pushing our luck about getting back on time.” 

"Thank you for this, Jim. Opening up, so that we might pursue a relationship ... spending your last hours on this planet, with me." 

Jim turned easily in Khan’s arms and sealed their mouths for a brief kiss. “That was the easy part, Noonien. The rest of it will be the hard part.” He pressed their foreheads together and then began to rise, stretching his whole body up toward the sky with a little groan of satisfaction. “Do you want to share a drink before we head toward bed for the night?”

"A drink?" Khan prompted for Jim to explain his meaning. Standing up, Khan stood tall in the dark as he reached for Jim's hand, to lead him out of the field and back on the path. "If that is common. For my part, I simply wish to keep your company. Drinking or not."

“It’s more like a line,” Jim said and then linked their hands. “In this case, would you like to join me in my quarters to uh, get to know each other a little better by way of making out like teenagers for a few hours? We don’t have to drink anything at all. Just enjoy each other for a little while longer.” He was a bit eager to get to his own suggestion now, plus he didn’t really want Spock comming him, so he was heading down the path a bit faster than normal.

Khan gave a light scoff, a gentle sort of laugh. Khan had very little experience with pick up lines, and so treated Jim's words as entirely factual or by their direct meaning. Just as he had no experience with the notion of making out like teenagers. He wasn't a teenager and wouldn't know how to mimic such behaviour. But he was happy to spend more of the evening with Jim, tucked away from the eyes and ears of others. "Yes, I would like that, Jim."

“Awesome. It’s good to be on the same page,” Jim said, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled in response to Khan’s laugh. It was still rare to generate that kind of response from the augment. Far too rare in Jim’s opinion. “Thankfully, my couch is extremely comfortable. Perfect for two to stretch out on, if they didn’t mind being very close to each other. Which obviously, we don’t. In fact, that’s the name of this game.” 

He pulled out his communicator as they reached the beam out location and said, “Kirk to Enterprise. Two to beam up.” He was still grinning when the transporter carried them off the planet and back to their home in the stars.


	8. Chapter 8

The couch was firm, but comfortable. It was the common preference for quiet time, rather than the bed. On the couch, Jim could lay against Khan's chest and listen to him read, or the two could become a pretzel of arms and legs under several blankets as they watched movies. Or they would sit and talk about something that had been weighing on their mind that day. 

Currently, the couch hosted Khan, stretched out on his side, back against the cushions as he lightly napped. Jim was off shift soon, and Khan had let himself into the room earlier and been so consumed by the scent of his lover, that it had lulled the lion into a little cat-nap. 

Jim’s shift had been relatively uneventful, though the crew was gearing up for their arrival in two days at the sight of an old battlefield. There was debris from what appeared to be a large fleet of ships strewn across an otherwise unoccupied and empty expanse of space. Precautions had to be taken, despite the apparent age of the finding, to make sure that there were no dangerous traces of war and battle left for the Enterprise to be damaged by. Jim remembered the cautionary tales on Earth of ancient minefields triggered by the feet of some poor soul who happened to walk innocently into them. He wanted none of that here, hence the added precautions and relatively slow pace they were taking heading into the area.

He headed out of the turbolift, bidding goodnight to Bones as he did. He couldn’t wait to get to his quarters, where he hoped Khan would already be waiting. Their routine soothed away any stresses from the day, as well as allowed him the opportunity to use Khan as a brilliant sounding board for any of the issues that had come up.

As he entered his quarters, he stopped right beyond the door and smiled softly to have caught Khan asleep on the couch. His lover looked relaxed and contented in his sleep, all of his amazing senses turned mostly off for the moment. Jim almost hated to disturb him, but knew his lover would come awake in an instant anyway. “Hey, Noonien,” he greeted softly, walking across the way to give him a kiss hello.

"Mmm-" Khan groaned softly as his eyes tugged open. He stretched his arms and the curve of his back, as he looked up at Jim with a sleepy smile. He loved how the couch smelled like his lover, but nothing was better than the source. "Jim," he said and sat up, reaching for his lover. "You've already reduced speed," he noted, able to recognize the hum of the engines when they were reduced in power like this. "We're close to the battlefield, then." 

Jim took a seat by Khan and greeted him more formally with a little kiss and then nodded. “Close enough that I want to be extra careful. The last thing I want is to get us caught in some kind of ancient trap. I need a shower and a change of clothes, but do you want to eat together after?” He stood and began to strip out of his uniform, unselfconscious in front of his lover. “We could just eat something here and get right to the snuggling after.” He tipped a wink at Khan and shimmied out of his pants and briefs, showing off his rather fine behind.

"Ah, you read my mind. I would like to stay in tonight. Sometimes, I need you all to myself." Not that Khan monopolized Jim's time, just the opposite. He gave the young Captain his space and never interfered with his duties. But sometimes, it was nice not to share him, even for something as simple as eating. 

Jim knelt next to Khan, unashamed in his nudity, and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “Then you shall have me all to yourself, Noonien. Order up something for us to eat? I’ll leave it up to your good judgement.” He stroked through the soft, long hair of his lover and kissed him once, softly, invitingly.

With complete adoration of his skin, Khan stroked the length of Jim's arms and chest, hand slow and warm against his skin. More than willing to accept the invitation, Khan probed his tongue into Jim's mouth, sucking at his sweet lips as they kissed. "Yes, Jim," Khan breathed softly, a low groan building in his chest as his fingers outline the frame of Jim's body before him. 

Jim moaned into Khan’s mouth and arched into his touch. “Do you want me, Noonien?” he asked softly. “Would you like to have me?” He pulled back to study his face with warm eyes and pressed their foreheads together. His fingers dug into Khan’s strong neck to massage the muscles and then moved along his shoulders. 

It was quite a feeling, the way Jim was holding onto Khan and offering himself. "Yes, Jim..." Khan groaned his name, hands pawing at the body kneeling before him. "I want you. I want to have you," he said, direct at first, before elaborating. "Will you hold onto me like this, allow me to look into your beautiful eyes as I make love to you?" Khan asked, pressing a few kisses to Jim's lips, hoping to pull an answer from his mouth. 

Jim smiled into the kisses and opened his mouth for them, deepening and intensifying the contact. “I will, Noonien. I’ve been looking forward to that. You’re so powerful. It’s intoxicating.” He nipped at Khan’s lower lip and asked, “But do you want to wait until after we’ve eaten? I don’t think we’re going to stop anytime soon, once we get going. At least, I’m going to want more than a quick fuck. More like a marathon.” He grasped one of Khan’s hands and moved it over the curve of his ass, letting him feel and encouraging him to explore.

"You're right...once I have you, I'm not going to want anything else," Khan said, slowly palming Jim by the ass, before his fingertips began to curl in to grasp and knead at the round flesh of his ass. Jim was so bad. And wonderful. But certainly devious. Jim was teasing Khan, encouraging him to have more, to work himself up, only to then stop them so that they could eat. "You're teasing me," he said, eyes slightly narrowed, but still holding affection, as Khan placed his other hand against Jim's backside now too, starting to pull at him so that they could be pressed closer together. "Take your shower." 

“Well, no sense taking a shower if we’re going to make a mess again,” Jim said and moved with the pull of Khan’s hands to snuggle into his lover. He spread his legs to surround Khan’s hips and hitched himself comfortably to sit in his lap. His mouth quirked into a smile at the response to his teasing, enjoying how successfully he was inciting Khan’s desire for him. “I’ll happily put off everything else for a long time to be with you, to join with you. Take me to bed, Noonien?”

"Jim," Khan softly growled at him; he was being very bad, and Khan had still been trying to be good. But a shower and food would now have to wait, as Khan obeyed his new request. Holding Jim on his lap, Khan pressed his mouth against his neck, kissing and gently biting, as the pulses in his own body spurred him on hungrily for his lover's body. His hips rolled under the weight of Jim on his lap, wanting to feel how he moved in his arms. "Yes, Jim, anything you want," he said, willing even to stop cold if that was what Jim asked for.

Lifting Jim in his arms and balancing him on his hips, Khan carried his lover over to the bed, where he carefully laid him on his back. Immediately crawling up to lay over him, Khan continued to press kisses across his neck and down to his collarbone. "I will want you many times," he said with a purr and then a moment later, as if only then realizing what the details of what might entail, he added, "Do you have lubrication that might ease the experience?" 

Jim scooted himself up the bed as Khan laid him on it and then welcomed his lover on top of him, arms and legs naturally moving to encompass the augment and draw him down. The skin of his neck tingled where Khan had been kissing and biting, and Jim wondered if his lover might be feeling the urge to mark more permanently, to clamp down and claim. It was a heady thought and spurred on his own desires. His own cock was thick and hard, and he knew momentarily he would be leaking like a teenager. It was inevitable when he was with someone whom he desired so much.

He didn’t think he’d ever desired anyone as much as Khan.

“Yeah, there’s a couple of different kinds to choose from in the bedside drawer,” Jim said, “but there’s no rush, Noonien. You’re not even undressed yet. I’m enjoying being naked and at your mercy, my lion.” He deliberately wriggled in a way to show off his body, which was fighting trim and impressively endowed for a mere human. 

Khan gave a nod, reassured that something was easily available for them both. Good, there was no rush. He could take the time to enjoy his prey a little while longer, bare and trapped under him, vulnerable to his eyes and his mouth and his hands. "As am I," Khan said with a little smirk, then bowed his head down to draw his tongue across Jim's chest, licking some of the salt from his skin, before roughly dragging his tongue over one of Jim's nipples. He enjoyed the way Jim squirmed under him and the way his arousal was obvious and was rewarded by a hand over his hip, shadowing the movements of his body as Jim writhed for him. 

“Fuck, Noonien,” Jim moaned and arched his chest into the swiping tongue. He usually led his sexual encounters, being the more knowledgeable of the pairing in most cases, but never minded following. And certainly, the augment demonstrated that he knew how to touch and where and how to make Jim moan and ache for more. “Mmm, that’s so good, Noonien.” His own hands were not idle, stroking over Khan’s broad shoulders and down his strong back, before sliding them into the long, black strands of hair. He tugged at them to urge Khan to do more, share more, bite and kiss and lick and suck more, even as his body responded with intense waves of pleasure. At this point, a small pool of precome was running off his abdomen, leaking copiously from his erection. 

"Oh, Jim-" Khan said as his passing hand discovered slick over Jim's skin. "In place of your shower, perhaps I should help clean you of a little of this." He pressed a few slow kisses down Jim's chest and stomach, his direction of travel clear, until his tongue was slowly lapping against the silky strands of precome. Meanwhile, one hand took over where his mouth left off, playing with Jim's nipples, rubbing and lightly scratching it around the edge. 

“Mmm, just gonna keep making a mess this way,” Jim hummed and shivered from head to toe at the devoted way Khan cleaned his skin. “That’s so fucking good.” His hips quivered with the desire to buck and press his cock against Khan’s face, wanting the stimulation, but he kept them against the mattress. He could control his urges, no matter how hard Khan was making it. 

And oh, Jim felt so open and exposed and deliciously helpless under the stronger man. In other cases, he would have rebelled or avoided this kind of scenario, but such was his trust in Khan, that it only spurred his libido. And though he wanted to touch and arouse Khan, he also was reveling in having Khan clothed and dominant on top of him. “Do whatever you want,” he said. “I’m yours, Noonien.”

"Yes, Jim. I shall," Khan said with a smile, pulling his head back to eye Jim's hard cock. It twitched from time to time, eager for attention, even reacting to the smallest of nudges. Then with one slow lick of his erection, Khan grinned to himself, leaving Jim wet and wanting of more stimulation. Instead, he continued to cover Jim's skin with several more light bites and kisses. Then holding himself on all fours, with Jim underneath him, Khan began to slide a hand between Jim's thighs. "There are many pleasures I want from you, Jim. I want to know the heat of you, when I am buried deep in your body and your legs are wrapped around my hips. Or know what your lips taste like, after you have been moaning and gasping my name for hours. I am your lion," he said, kissing the side of his face. For all his strength and dominance, he was very loving towards his mate, his lover. "Shall I show you something?" he asked softly, nuzzling and biting at the lobe of his ear. 

“Uuuhnn,” Jim groaned and pushed up at the touch of tongue. “And you called me a tease,” he panted lightly, as Khan pulled away from his aching erection and began to kiss and touch elsewhere instead. He spread his legs wider to invite the exploring hand Khan eased between them. “You can have them all, Noonien,” he promised, eyes inviting and pleading at the same time. “I want to give everything to you. Feel you fucking into me so deep I can’t think of anything else. Suck your beautiful cock into my mouth and make you roar when you come. Just rut against each other like two animals in heat until we’ve depleted every last bit of ourselves.” He laughed shakily and gripped him more tightly. “I’m gonna come talking about it.” Pulling himself up a little bit to whisper into Khan’s ear, he said, “You can show me anything, Noonien. Please.” And then he bit down sharply on the lobe.

"Ah-!" Khan gasped in pleasure at the bite. The hand between Jim's legs lurched and grasped at the inside of his thigh, fingers digging in like claws. He growled softly at Jim now, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "Be good," he said, sitting up on his knees. So far, they might have just been playing at little games of Khan's dominance and Jim's vulnerability, but the next part was not subtle. It was clear and direct, Khan had control of the situation.

Straddling Jim's chest, Khan sat there, knees pressed into Jim's arms, pinning him down to the bed in his naked state while Khan remained clothed, sitting on top of him. With a very cat-like grin, Khan skimmed his hand over his own crotch, squeezing at his erection through the fabric of his pants. Then undoing the top button of his pants, Khan peeled back the fabric to either side, untucking his cock from his underwear so that it stood upright, right in Jim's line of sight. Starting to stroke and rub himself, Khan stared at Jim as he kept himself hard.

Oh. Well, there was a reaction.

Jim bit back a smile at the sudden ferocity in Khan’s expression and actions. The augment wanted control of the situation, so Jim made himself melt back into the bed and allow it. But it was hard to be good, to act sweet and submissive when he really, really wanted to get his hands all over Khan. And that want only increased when Khan began to uncover his cock (and only his cock) from his clothes. He struggled a little against the strength keeping him to the bed, though he tried to make sure that his lover understood the struggles were part of the encounter and not an earnest desire to be free. Any misconception on that part might prove very grave.

“Please, Khan,” he begged, as the augment stroked himself. “Please let me touch you. Fuck, you’re so big. Such a stud. I want that in my hands, my mouth. Whatever you want. Please.” He could not move much, but he did strain his neck upward to demonstrate just how much he meant the words.

"Yes?" Khan drew in a short breath, thumbing the ridge of his erection. With his other hand, he palmed the side of Jim's face, fingers slowly pushing towards his hairline, craving a handful. "Show me, Jim. Use your hands. Your mouth. Prepare me. I want to see how eager you are," he said, tucking himself away just a little so that he didn't outright poke Jim's eye as he got off his chest to lay back on the bed instead. "And when there is nothing more you can think to do with your hands or your mouth, you are going to sit and ride my cock."

Jim didn’t need to be asked twice. As soon as Khan was off of him, he rolled neatly to his knees and perched right at Khan’s hips. “Someday,” he promised, “I am going to suck you until my bottom jaw falls off...but not this time.” He swallowed Khan right down, as deep as he could go, eyes closed and mouth wide. He braced one hand on the washboard of Khan’s abdomen, stroking the hard muscle there soothingly, even as he bobbed slowly up and down the impressive length. His tongue spread mischief and saliva in its wake, probing all along to find sensitive spots and key Khan’s pleasure. His teeth remained sheathed for this time- something to explore when his lover was not feeling quite so lordly, perhaps. Besides, there was no sense showing off all his tricks in one go. That’s also why he didn’t deep throat, though he displayed his complete lack of gag reflex on multiple slides.

Reaching out, Khan pet two fingers against Jim's jaw, soothing the strained muscles as he kept his mouth open. No, Khan would never want Jim to do harm to himself in the name of Khan's pleasure. With a groan however, Khan closed his eyes, losing sight of his worries as a sweet tingling sensation spread through him, relaxing his nerves as if he had just settled in a hot bath after a full body massage. It was blissful. "Jim...yes...that's good." He sighed his lover's name, back arching against the bed, while his hips remained planted, not wishing to buck Jim off in his pleasure. 

Jim was already used to his lover being less than overly vocal in his pleasure, relying on cues from his body language and touch to tell when Khan was enjoying himself. And it was obvious that the augment was pleased by the blowjob, though Jim thought he was a little less excited than other recipients. Something to work on for another day. 

He pulled off of Khan’s cock with a slick pop and surveyed to determine if the length was slick enough to start with. His knowing fingers stroked up and down a few times, before he said, “Gonna get something more. Just stay still, lionheart.” He crawled forward and dug into his bedside drawer, finally pulling out a long tube. “Saving this for a special occasion,” he murmured and uncorked it, allowing some of the liquid to spill out on his fingers. “Mmm, nice and slick.” He waved his rear, which was angled toward Khan’s view very deliberately and asked, “Am I doing the honors or are you?”

"Jim," Khan whispered to him, attempting to kiss his skin, his shoulder, even his arm, as Jim reached across him to get into the drawer. Petting a hand down his side, Khan returned to palming the round of his ass, but as he sat back again, he had to let his hand drop away. Jim had much more experience in this area, and even if Khan was a quick learner, he was still very conscious about doing everything right, so that Jim was genuinely satisfied. "Let me watch you, please," Khan said, attempting to keep a hand on Jim as a way to ground himself. 

“Mmm, as you wish, Noonien,” Jim said and smiled warmly at his lover, delighted by the soft touches to his body, which indicated to him that Khan was not as fiercely in charge as he’d thought. He leaned in to kiss his lover deeply and then pulled back to wink at him. With a little shimmy for show, he moved to lay at Khan’s side and propped up his hips with two pillows, spreading his legs and angling so Khan could see his hole.

Dribbling oil on the fingers of his right hand, he spread his cheeks with his left hand and began to rub the lubricant over the ring of muscle. He teased at the outside of the pucker until it gleamed, before sliding the first finger inside himself a little. With this, he tugged and pressed to slowly open himself up for his lover. Jim’s head fell back to the bed, and he showed himself off to Khan- groaning, moaning, whining, whimpering, purring and shouting his pleasure as that finger sank deeper.

Sitting up, Khan watched this erotic display. The exact details he would now know for next time. "Jim-" Khan purred his name, transfixed at the ease in which Jim fingered himself. "You look delicious," he said, fingers quick to finally undo his pants the rest of the way, pushing them down, off his hips and pulling out of each pant leg a little awkwardly on the bed, one at a time. Then his shirt was peeled up and off his torso and tossed, lost over the edge of the bed. "...you are gorgeous," he said, scooting closer, placing his hand on Jim's wrist, feeling the strain of his muscles and tendons, then slid his hand up his arm as he leaned closer to kiss Jim. 

“Oh, I didn’t get to see you undress,” Jim murmured after the kiss. “You’re gorgeous, too, Noonien.” He moved his left hand up Khan’s body and stroked over his left cheek with the back of his palm. “Do you want to finish preparing me? Spread my hole open until it will feel empty without something big and thick, like your cock, to fill me up. You’re so strong that I bet it won’t take you an effort to loosen my muscles and spread slick everywhere inside me. Please?” He slid a second finger into himself while he pleaded and allowed his face to go slack with the pleasure of it, fingers hooked and then spread.

"Yes, Jim. I would like that,” Khan said, petting his hand down the length of his body again, until his fingers were once more at his wrist, asking him to ease up on himself. "Though I may want to watch this show again some time; it is a treat, watching you give yourself pleasure in this way." He began to rub two fingers in the lube already on his skin, helping to spread it around his ass. "Kiss me, Jim," he said, leaning in so that their faces were inches apart.

“Gladly, Noonien,” Jim promised. “I will brace myself on my hands and knees and prop up my ass and show you every second of my prepping myself for you. Show you how eager I am for your cock. I think you’ll like that. At least, I hope you will.” 

Throwing his free arm around Khan, he tugged himself up a little and kissed him eagerly. His mouth opened to invite Khan to take over, to lead this action. He hummed delightedly as the passion ignited between their mouths. Tugging his fingers out of his hole, he held his ass open to encourage Khan’s fingers inside him. “I’m waiting for you, Noonien,” he murmured into his mouth.

"Yes, Jim. I would," Khan confirmed with an eager sound, though seemed happy to quiet himself from making such embarrassing noises to kiss Jim instead. The kiss was deep and penetrating, sucking at his tongue and the flavors of his mouth. Using the two wet fingers, Khan slid them back and forth, over the pucker of Jim's asshole, gently stimulating the muscle, before switching out the fingers for his thumb instead. His thumb might not be as long as the rest of his digest, but it was thick and offered more control in this area as he pressed in, wiggling his thumb up and down once it was inside to work the muscle open. 

Jim’s hole clamped down on the intruding finger and then released again to allow him easier access. “That’s your thumb,” he murmured. “A little thicker than before.” He slid his own slick fingers between their bodies to jerk and stroke Khan’s own erection. “You’re so big, Noonien. So long and thick. I want your cock so bad. Please.” Scratching a nail over the head, he spread Khan’s own precome around and teased the sensitive nerves under the head with the same. “My lion. About to claim me for his own.”

A shot of fire burned up Khan's spine, causing a slow tremble in his back, which curled into something feral. "Yes. Your lion," he said in a whisper, biting at Jim's lips as his thumb pressed down, stretching him open until he couldn't wait any more. Carefully letting his thumb slip out, Khan pressed the swollen head of his erection against Jim's entrance, rubbing against the wet entrance. "Hold onto me, Jim, I want your hand on the back of my neck," he said as he began to push, working against the initial resistance, until the head was in and the rest was quick to follow.

“Fuck,” Jim whispered at the first stab of Khan’s cock into his passage, which caused a bite of pain. After all, fingers were nowhere near the thickness or power of this new intrusion. He gripped the back of Khan’s neck with his clean hand, as asked, and looked into his eyes. “Oh God, you’re so big.” He wrapped one leg around Khan’s hips to open himself up more and rested the other on his ass to encourage him to start thrusting. “I’m ready for you, Noonien. I want to feel you move inside me, deep and hard. Please.” 

Khan gasped against Jim's lips now, as he found a hot, tight, union in Jim's body. They were lucky. It wasn't like this for every animal or species in the universe. Some animals died soon after having sex, and some races found the experience extremely painful, which went a long way to keep populations under control. While on the other hand, some had sex purely to relieve stress, with offspring as an afterthought, and sometimes, even a choice that their biology could adapt to accommodate, or not. There were many ways, many reasons, many combinations of coupling in the universe. Khan did not take lightly what they had, or his lover's pleasure for granted. "Yes, my love," he said, thrusting carefully into him, rolling both their bodies together until it became easier to slide in, delve into that blissful heat as they made love. 

“A pet name,” Jim said, delighted and kissed Khan in thanks. He loved the rhythm they had fallen into so naturally and met each of Khan’s thrusts with one of his own. And it was amazing, being so intimately connected to someone he cared for more than just for sex. He’d been the type to scoff at the notion that emotions made sex better, but fucking hell, they WAY did. Jim knew he’d been missing out, denying himself something fundamental before now. 

"Yes, a little one," Khan said gently, almost awkwardly. He didn't really want to give Jim a pet name, but felt that it would be better received than Khan outright declaring his love for Jim, to tell him, he loved him, which Jim might get weird about hearing, especially while they were like this. 

“Noonien,” Jim whispered. “Are you claiming me, my lion? Making me yours with your body?” He moaned on a thrust that hit his prostate and made him shiver from head to toe. “Fuck. So good.”

"Would you like me to, Jim? Would you like to feel claimed, and be all mine?" Khan asked, rutting inside him again, but a little slower, wanting to make him shiver and tremble under him again. 

Jim dug his fingers into the back of Khan’s neck and groaned low in his throat. “I do, Noonien. I do. I want serious with you; fuck, that’s so good, fucking hell, I want whatever you’re willing to give me. Don’t hold back on me. I want you to want me, to claim me and not want anyone else.” He deliberately squeezed his passage around Khan, demonstrating just how good of a lover he could be. “Just me, Noonien. Lions are faithful mates, right?” He was mostly teasing the last, even as he continued to meet his impalement with great delight, eyes fluttering with each stroke inside him.

Whether lions were faithful or if they strayed from their mates, Khan could not say. He did not know enough about the species to comment, but he knew he was faithful to Jim, and that was all that should matter. Resting one hand on Jim's waist, Khan both held himself just over his lover, and also used the angle as a means to hold Jim down. Though with his other hand, Khan reached out to touch Jim on the side of the face, until he was cradling the back of his head, fingers tightening in his short hair. "Jim..." he groaned his name. "I love the smell of you, my Jim," he said, nipping at the side of his face, fingers clawing into his sides as he pushed into Jim's body, over and over again. Though soon, it wasn't enough, and Khan was biting at Jim's neck and shoulder, leaving his mark over pale skin. 

Jim cried out when Khan’s possessiveness took a turn for biting, but just bared his neck willingly and held on for dear life. His legs tightened around Khan’s thrusting hips, and he offered himself up readily to his lover. Thinking muzzily on the caressing words being spoken by Khan, he tried himself to scent at the augment, wondering if he could get the same out of the smell that Khan seemed to. “What do I smell like, Noonien?”

"You smell like me...you smell like both of us," Khan groaned out, rocking into Jim, moving with him on the bed. "You smell like stardust and sunlight." Something rare and warm that one could see in the coldness of space, but could not touch, could not experience like this. "Jim-" He wished he could explain it, preferably without being laughed at, but Jim was where he felt most himself, where he considered his heart to be; Jim was his home, his family, his love. His fingers pressed and squeezed against Jim's thigh and stomach and even fumbled to handle his erection, but it was a difficult angle to maintain with the movement of their bodies, and so had to be satisfied in touching the flat of his stomach and sides instead. 

“I wish I could smell all that,” Jim confessed in a rush of breath. He didn’t really need Khan’s hand on his erection. The powerful thrusts of the other man were pounding into his prostate, and the sheer knowledge that he had Khan in his bed was heady. Combined, they drove him toward an orgasm he scrabbled with all his formidable skill to hold off for just a bit longer. Their first time was too good, too important to rush. Everything else dulled in comparison to this experience, and if Jim could have lasted indefinitely, he still would have wanted more. “Yes,” he groaned into Khan’s ear. “Take me harder, Noonien. I can handle it.”

"Yes," Khan growled, wanting to please his lover, to give him what he wanted. "Yes, Jim." His hands were desperate, clawing and clinging to Jim, wanting him badly as he worked into his body, over and over. A twist in his gut began to spread up his spine and into his chest, when he gasped Jim's name, kissing Jim on the neck, and even licking his skin, but no longer biting. His passion could be rough, but Jim could handle him. And then, something seized in his back and Khan was spilling into his lover, filling him in a whole new way. 

Jim held on for dear life as Khan went completely feral, feeling the sting of his blunt nails all over his body. He knew he would be marked all over with thin lines, as well as the bites on his neck and shoulders. Whatever he’d triggered in Khan, it had come out wild and needy. And Jim loved it.

When Khan seized up and began to spill into his body, Jim forced one arm to let go of Khan and reached between them to stroke himself to release. His own seed poured between them, coating both men’s skin. His voice bounced off the walls, as he cried out over and over through waves of intensity.

Khan just groaned against Jim's skin, unable to help but shiver with excitement even after his own orgasm. He had never done this before. And feeling the way Jim's body naturally reacted, the way he opened up to him, and squeezed around him, called out...it had been amazing. "You feel so good, Jim," he said in a whisper, kissing his neck, not knowing the protocol for this, but not yet wanting to pull out.

Jim moaned a soft affirmative to that compliment and slipped both arms around Khan’s back to hold him. “That was pretty amazing,” he murmured. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since it’s you, huh?” He lightly pressed a kiss to the nearest piece of Khan’s warm skin and then inhaled a deep breath, trying to catch his scent. He shifted a little beneath his lover and savored the way Khan still moved inside him, large despite the recent orgasm. “Knew you’d be dynamite in bed, too. So fucking lucky.” He nibbled at the skin at his mouth, lazily enjoying being this close to Khan. “Gonna want this all the time now, you know. Never get my fill. We’re going to break so many beds.” He chuckled lightly as he imagined Starfleet’s grumbling over all of the requisitions for new beds for the Captain’s Quarters on the Enterprise. “Maybe we should build a special one ourselves.”

Khan smiled a little between several kisses to Jim's lips. He was glad Jim was satisfied, that Khan had somehow met the expectations that Jim had of him. Similarly, no matter where or when, or what Jim wanted, Khan would always seek to please him. "There is something to be said, for making a bed, that would be entirely ours. To me, this is a meaningful thought. I like it."

“We can use your workshop and make it together,” Jim mused and sought Khan’s eyes, his own blurry with pleasure and lassitude, but still bright with the idea. “We can conduct some tests to see how strong it really will need to be.” His mouth spread in a smile at the idea of Khan and himself deliberately breaking a few frames in the ‘test’ phase. “I’m sure together, we’ll make the best bed ever designed. Specific to us, too.” He shifted a little into Khan’s penetration again and asked, “Could you go again, Noonien? You certainly don’t feel like you’ve softened all the way yet. Tell me, do you like to do this multiple times in a row?”

"Yes, I imagine a few tests might be required." Khan grinned, but kept his face low, still kissing Jim between every few breaths. "Ah-" Jim shifting under him made Khan gasp, as his nerves were still quite sensitive to every movement. "Yes, Jim, I probably could, if you give me a minute or two longer, to just enjoy you like this...would you like that? To feel me grow hard once more, and make love to you again? I will attempt to do so, if that is what you want."

“Yes, I would like that very much, but there is no rush,” Jim assured him. “I’m very comfortable here. Despite my reputation, I rather enjoy just being close to a lover and cuddling. Don’t tell Bones.” He winked at Khan, playful even in bed, and tugged him into a kiss, lips and tongue and teeth all engaged. But when he needed a breath, he parted them again reluctantly, dragging Khan’s lower lip out with his teeth. “You’re so big inside me...like I can feel you all the way to my throat. Next time, I want to do that, too. Suck you until I can’t even feel my jaw anymore.” He flicked his tongue over his lips in delight at the idea. “You taste so good, Noonien, and I’ll bet you taste even better when you come. I want to swallow it all down.”

Mentioning Doctor McCoy was a little confusing for Khan. Did the doctor know about all of Jim's lovers? And what he did with them? Had McCoy been one, too? Just not the sort Jim liked to cuddle with? But those were all invasive questions that Khan felt he had no right to. It certainly didn't change how he loved Jim, and how much he simply wanted to remain close to him.

"You know ..." Khan said, biting his lip a little, just after Jim released it. He wasn't playing at being shy, in this instance, he was uncertain of how Jim would respond to him. "The next time you have your mouth on me, you should restrain me, so that I do not harm you if I thrash about ... and it will also put the bed to the test."

“Restrain you?” Jim asked and the shock in his tone did not at all mask just how excited the idea made him. He would never have asked for such control over Khan, thinking the dominant male would not want to be in that position. But still… “I don’t think it’s necessary, Noonien. I trust you to have enough control of yourself not to harm me. Now, if you wanted to be restrained because that idea turns you on, then I’d welcome the idea. I’m not worried about you hurting me and don’t want to act like I am. You’ll probably be in more control of yourself than I’ll like, considering I’m going to be trying to suck your brains out.” 

"That is my meaning." Khan said, pulling his head back just a little so that he could look into Jim's eyes. "I can show a great deal of control over myself, but it is not relaxing, it is not freeing. I experience pleasure by your mouth, your hands, always, but I believe, if I were in a situation where I did not have to think about holding back. The ropes would do the restraining for me or do you disapprove?" 

“Oh.” Jim shook his head and sealed their mouths for a much more intense sharing, conveying how much he did not disapprove. “If it will heighten your pleasure, Noonien, allow yourself some additional comfort, than I’ll gladly restrain you as you wish. Trust me to find the right tools for the purpose?” He already had something in mind and wanted to surprise his lover. “Please.” He was never above begging in the sexual sense.

"Yes, Jim." Khan breathed a soft sigh of relief. "I trust you in all things," he said, easily giving Jim consent to do this on his behalf. Nuzzling the sweet spot just under his jaw, Khan pressed lingering kisses to his skin as his hips began to roll into his lover again, his full erection once more filling Jim's passage.

“Nnngh, fuck,” Jim gasped, surprised by the sudden movement, and scrambled for purchase on Khan’s back. His blunt nails left long scrapes against the pale skin, before his hands fetched up on strong shoulders and held. “Not even a warning. Mmmm, so good. You’re even bigger than the first time, I fucking swear. My stud lion, made for filling me up.” He bit and kissed at Khan’s face and neck, blood up and hot. 

"Yes, Jim, as much as you can stand it," Khan said, purring and groaning happily as Jim clung to him, leaving his mark in the form of scratches and bites. "I could have you ... over and over again, until you are too sore to leave bed and then have you again, because you cannot escape." There was a hint of danger in those words, just as there would always be something dangerous about Khan Noonien Singh. But Khan had no intention of spoiling Jim's trust and would never set out to harm him. 

“Fuck, Iwantyousofuckingbad,” Jim slurred in a rush at those words, which he did not perceive as threatening at all, but merely another push to his already jacked up desire for Khan. “I wouldn’t fight you. Just let you take me until even you couldn’t come again.” His teeth latched down harder on Khan’s shoulder, leaving a deeper mark this time, as he responded to the image of that idea. “Always been one to rush straight into dangerous situations,” he murmured. 

Khan growled, but leaned into the bite, pushing to have more of Jim, more of that fire of slipping deep into his body. "Yes, Jim, and here you are, taking a lion to bed," he said, fingers climbing up Jim's sides, then back down to his hips where he dug in, to keep their union, even as his thrusts threatened to push Jim away, further up on the bed. "Tell me, Jim, what danger you seek," he said with another little growl, working his entire length, slipping out a few times, but pushing back in just as easily, finding Jim's body most welcoming to him now that he was accustomed to Khan's girth. 

“I love all of the danger you represent,” Jim confessed. “How easily you could hurt me, even kill me, with just a flex of your arms.” He ran his hands over the length of Khan’s strongly muscled arms, squeezing at his triceps, biceps and wrists. “And your possessiveness. I hated that in other people, but in you...it’s like the biggest fucking turn on. How hot your eyes are when you look at me. How tightly you hold on. How you bruise me, but never really hurt.”

His eyes slipped closed in bliss, and he met the thrusts with open-mouthed delight, soft noises escaping him with every one. He scrabbled for Khan’s shoulders and held on to him tightly, using the leverage to meet Khan even more enthusiastically and preventing himself from being shoved too far up the bed. “Sit up?” he asked hopefully. “Please?” 

Khan was surprised at himself, but he found it exciting to hear Jim describe him like this. It was the first time his intensity, his strength, his dangerous side, had been described as something positive. A turn on. Erotic. With this knowledge, paired with the amazing noises Jim was making, and the way they moved together, Khan felt his mind slip away, becoming completely lost in Jim's body, hypersensitive to each breath, each gasp, each touch. "Yes." He managed to push out the word, when all his mouth wanted as to kiss Jim on the lips, to draw out more of those sweet sounds.

Fingers latching into Jim's sides and just under the small arch of his back, Khan pulled his lover tight to his own body as he sat up on his knees, arms carefully moving into position to ensure that Jim did not slip away. He pushed into his body slowly now, careful to keep his place inside, even if that mean just holding Jim on his lap. 

A loud cry of pleasure escaped Jim as Khan moved to his knees, letting the force of gravity sink Jim even further on to his cock. He wrapped his legs and arms tightly around his lover and buried his face in his neck, panting for air as sensation threatened to overwhelm him. He was even more at Khan’s mercy now, as the augment held him suspended, connected only by powerful arms and the hot, merciless rod pressing against the walls of his ass. “Oh shit,” he gasped as words finally returned. “That’s even better. Can you move me, Noonien? Help me ride you?”

The outcry had concerned Khan initially. With an arm hooked around Jim's lower back to help support him, Khan pressed several kisses to Jim's shoulder as his lover tucked his face in close. Khan held him quietly, listening to the way Jim breathed, the way his body felt in his arms, not wishing to misinterpret a trembling nerve for pleasure, when it was perhaps a sign of pain. "Yes, I can ..." Khan said, soothing both hands down Jim's back, "Are you comfortable like this, Jim? Can you hold onto me?"

Jim lifted himself in Khan’s arms and made a soft noise as even that movement heightened the sensations from his impalement. “Yes, I can hold you now,” he murmured and kissed his lover briefly. “I’m not sure comfortable is the right word. My whole body is too keyed up to be comfortable, but I like it. So much, Noonien. I feel good in your lap. So, let me feel even better. Show me how strong you are.” He nipped at Khan’s lips teasingly and tugged at the lower one again. “I want that so much.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan kissed Jim softly on the lips, but kept their faces close, so that he could capture each and every gasp. It didn't take much effort, as a small roll of the hips, translated into the length of his cock sliding in deep, or half way out again. With the weight of Jim wanting to settle down, all it took was the easy control of pushing him up, and letting gravity help bring him back down again. So that's what Khan did, he pushed up into Jim's amazing body over and over, groaning and clawing at his lower back each time Jim began to naturally sink back down over his erection. 

Jim let his head fall forward to stay near Khan’s, not even trying to censor the noises each delicious thrust caused. This was what Khan’s abilities allowed for, and Jim relished each slide of that cock in and out of him. His prostate was struck directly with every press, so that a mess of precome soon pooled between them and drizzled down their skin. He gripped Khan’s shoulders more powerfully and said, “Not going to last much longer, Noonien. You do me so good.”

"Good, Jim ... so good ..." Khan continued to give Jim a nice steady ride, though he would change up the pace and bounce him on his lap a few times to keep his senses heightened, only to roll into him with ease soon after. "I love watching you orgasm. I love feeling your body, as it tightens and lets go, all at once. I want you to come again, Jim," he said, hands firmly over his ass, enjoying how his nerves burned as he took Jim in this position. 

Jim needed no more encouragement. The complimentary, inflammatory words, coupled with Khan’s sheer physicality, careened him over the edge into an incoherent mess of orgasmic pleasure. His body shook out of his control, saved only by the firm grip his lover maintained on him. And his yells bounced off the walls and served as perfect counterpoint to the sheer glaze of white on his visions. His release splattered both of them, spurting higher than he’d ever achieved before, and going on and on until he nearly did pass out. As it was, when the pulses finally ended, he slumped like a marionette without strings.

"Beautiful, Jim...beautiful," Khan praised, holding Jim in his arms as he thrashed and writhed through the power of his second orgasm. His ears burned with the amazing sounds of pleasure Jim managed to release from his lungs. Near the end, Khan dug his fingers into the small of Jim's back, holding his ass in place as he held back from his own second coming. He wanted to feel Jim's pleasure from start to finish, without being distracted by his own orgasm, so with great willpower, he held back, whimpering softly at the effort.

"Oh, Jim, my Jim." Khan licked his lips, then nuzzled into Jim's limp body, kissing and licking at his skin. "You're all mine...I am still going to have you, Jim...and there's nothing you can do...you're going to take it, aren't you?" he asked, licking and biting at his jaw, just under his ear.

Dazed, Jim heard Khan’s words through kind of a thick, rolling fog of pleasure and pulled together his brains to answer him. “Nothing I can do,” he affirmed and then deliberately squeezed at the hard length inside him. “Take me, Noonien,” he hissed fiercely. “Don’t hold back on me. Show me what a lion you are at heart.” He arched his head to present his neck more brazenly for Khan to bite and mark as he wanted. He knew this was a somewhat submissive gesture, but didn’t care, especially if Khan reacted as he hoped he would. “Want to take it.”

"Jim, I love you." Khan said, there was a growl to his voice, but it was warm and protective. There was very little resistance now that Jim had come twice and was a relaxed mess, slumped against his augmented lover. But as Jim had recognized, there was still something raw and wild in Khan that needed to be satisfied. Some might only see it as being dangerously possessive, but Khan opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around Jim's neck and throat. He didn't bite down this time, but his mouth was strong enough to keep a powerful hold on the other man and would likely leave bruises if Jim struggled. Khan groaned deeply to have Jim in his mouth like this. Closing his eyes, Khan began to lose himself in Jim's body, surrendering to his own need.

Love? Khan loved him? The idea made Jim shiver to his toes, even through his relaxed body.

Jim clutched at Khan’s shoulders, but could just find enough energy to hold on as the augment began to take his own pleasure. However, the ride was so, so worth it, as Khan held him with two strong hands on his hips, cock pressing in and out of his ass and mouth firm on his neck. Jim couldn’t really move, even if he wanted, what with the triple-pinning. “Yes, Noonien,” he said. “Keep going. Take what you want...what you need. Fuck me until you come deep inside me. You’re so strong. So big. I want your seed.” He squeezed even tighter around Khan, about the only movement he could easily make.

Working himself up into something of an obsessed frenzy, Khan gasped against Jim's neck, "Jim." He nipped at Jim's ear as he spoke, his English very cold and precise, not wanting to be misunderstood. "Jim, I am going to be hard on you. Forgive me. I need you," he said, pinning Jim down on the bed as he fucked him hard. Every muscle along the length of his back tightened, his entire body rock hard, and skin burning with heat. Khan needed this. To feel free with his lover, to know that Jim could take him, at his best and at his worst. He needed to claim Jim's body, and his trust. With a powerful growl, Khan's body began to seize up as he passionately drove into Jim's willing body once more, spilling into him hotly. The aftershocks vibrated through each nerve, and so to keep from shaking, Khan wrapped himself around Jim, hugging him close.

Jim had a lot of experience with a lot of different species, but nothing as hot as being pinned to the bed and fucked hard and fast by a man who could tear apart a group of Klingon warriors. And even though there was nothing restrained about the way Khan claimed him, that hot, long cock smashing into his ass with each aggressive stroke, the augment held himself back enough not to seriously hurt Jim. Not that there wasn’t damage. Jim could feel tears in his muscle and felt the trickle of blood on the sensitive area, but it wasn’t enough to overpower the pleasure. Nor his smugness at having encouraged Khan to such heights. 

He held Khan in his arms and stroked him with gentle fingers, allowing him a quiet few moments to come down from their mutual high. His mouth pressed soft kisses to his hair and forehead, while he murmured, “So good, Noonien. So fucking amazing. Gonna feel you for days...except that I’m gonna want you inside me far sooner than that. My powerful lion...am I yours now?”

As his entire body unclenched, Khan became aware of the bruises he had left on Jim in his moment of need, and there was worry that there was more damage to be discovered as well. But before that worry had a chance to flare up, Jim was being gentle with him, kissing him, speaking affectionate words to soothe him. Jim did not appear to be in pain. Or afraid, after the fact. His words even suggested that he would want more.

With a slight nod and several quick blinks, Khan bowed his head to kiss Jim on the mouth, adoring and careful, not wishing to shift his weight too much, for both their sakes. "Yes, Jim. My Jim, do you feel different?" he asked, since Jim had a powerful effect on him, from the start, he wondered if Jim felt a different sort of connection or bond due to their lovemaking. 

Jim considered a moment and looked into Khan’s warm eyes the whole time, before he nodded once. “I do,” he murmured, almost surprised. “I feel closer to you than I have ever felt to anyone, Noonien. As if you have snuck inside me somehow and taken up residence.” He shifted closer to him, refusing to wince at the slight stab of pain. “I also feel more well-fucked than I ever have in my life. Well claimed by my Noonien.” He tugged playfully at the longer locks of Khan’s hair and then eased himself up to kiss him.

Khan gave a soft, delicate and genuine smile at these words. It was a comfort to know that Jim felt close to him, without needing grand declarations to say so, Jim felt connected to Khan in his own way. The augment hummed into Jim's mouth as they kissed, sucking gently at his lips, wishing to leave them wet, after leaving Jim to cry out for so long and so enthusiastically. "Is it strange to think of it as mating?" he asked, but was quick to add, "I know we are not animals. We are able to resist our urges, despite recent evidence to the contrary." Khan gave a playful lick to Jim's lips, but refrained from biting him any more. "My frame of reference is bizarre, I know, so I look to you to tell me."

“Mating,” Jim mused aloud, their lips still brushing as he talked. “Hmm.” And then he broke into a brilliant smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I think that fits you rather exactly, Noonien. For all that you’re more advanced than I am in so many ways, I also think you’re more in touch with your instincts. You follow your feelings, sometimes like a more wild animal would. And if this makes me your mate...I’ll take that. Maybe next time we can do it on hands and knees, with you driving into me from behind. You can bite at my neck, hold on to me that way, too.” He nuzzled their noses together and lightly nipped at his lips. “Pin me down and mate me the way a true lion would.”

Khan groaned at the idea and Jim's acceptance of the way Khan's mind worked. Though Admiral Marcus had meant it as an insult at the time, the way Khan was engineered did make him wild, an animal. Instincts were facts, magnified thousands of times over. Whereas social constructs were completely artificial and did not follow any natural order Khan was in tune with. "Yes, Jim...yes, I'd like that very much," Khan purred, as he nuzzled his nose into the side of Jim's neck. He kissed the skin there lightly, as his shoulders locked, fists in the sheets at Jim's sides so that he could hold himself up. "Next time," he repeated back.

Jim turned his head to encourage Khan to bite and nuzzle and kiss to his satisfaction, skin deeply sensitized to every touch of that wicked mouth. But he groaned in dissatisfaction and turned his head back to Khan when the man pushed himself up and off him a little. “Where are you going?” he asked and wrapped his arms more firmly around Khan’s shoulders. “Not ready yet to disentangle. I like you where you are.” He arched his back a fraction to push into the cock still in residence and moaned deeply (and only partly for show). “There will definitely be a next time,” he affirmed after he got his voice back. “I want a lot of them.”

"I thought you might be uncomfortable, after being in the same position for so long." Khan said, "Are you uncomfortable?" he asked, even though Jim had declared that he still wanted Khan right where he was. "I pushed you hard," he said, kissing a line of finger-sized bruises on Jim's arm, taking his time with each one, mouth open and tongue wet and soothing against the tender skin. 

Jim made a slight shake of his head and said, “Not enough to want to lose being this close to you yet.” He watched as Khan soothed the marks on his skin with tender kisses and moved his free arm to stroke through his hair, caressing the scalp. “I knew you’d be a demanding lover. I want that from you. I don’t want you to feel that you need to hold back too much. I know you can’t use all your strength, but I want you to be satisfied.” He certainly was, body still buzzing with residual pleasure from the enthusiastic coupling. Although there were twinges in certain areas that warned of more severe aches and pains for later. But Jim always had been good at suppressing and ignoring the unpleasant, especially when it came to injury and illness. He worried a little, however, about how Khan might respond when he discovered more extensive bruising and a bit of blood around his anus.

"Thank you, Jim, yes. You have left me very satisfied. Though I do hope my lovemaking is more than a demand upon you. I wish to be giving. I hope I am able to offer you a great deal as well, in our coupling," Khan said, very concerned that Jim not feel used in being on the receptive end of their union. He wanted Jim to be satisfied, whether Khan was rough or gentle, as fit the needs and wants of them both. 

“I didn’t mean to imply anything else,” Jim assured him and tugged him down for a more thorough kiss. “I like your intensity, how you throw yourself fully into whatever you do, Noonien. I fucking love having it directed at me. I think you’d consider it a personal failure if I wasn’t pleased with the way you handle me.” He tilted his head back and considered Khan with warm eyes that brightened even as he studied the augment. “More important, I think you’re giving by nature, to the people you care about. And I hope that I’m one of those people.”

Yes. Khan blinked as he listened to Jim. Yes, he was intense. He threw himself in completely to every action he took. And yes, he would consider it a personal failure if he could not make Jim happy. Everything Jim was saying was quite accurate. Yes. He was giving to those he was devoted to. Which had included his people, but not any more. Mercifully, the thought of the other augments did not slip into Khan's mind as often, as the former leader was becoming free of that heartache, and instead mending his heart and his feeling of loyalty with his new family, in which Jim was the central figurehead. "There should be no doubt, Jim. I more then care about you. I am devoted to you. I love you. I wish to give you, everything that is in my power to give." Which would have basic meaning, coming from most, but coming from someone like Khan, it meant he would topple governments, liberate entire planets, cross the universe to find a single grain of space dust, if that is what Jim wanted. 

Jim shivered again at the mention of love and let out a harsh breath. “Fuck. I hope I can be deserving of all of that, Noonien. I’ll try.” He caressed the strong, sharp cheekbones and thumbed beside the ever-changing eyes. “I care about you, too, Noonien.” The l-word still frightened him, but there was no use pretending that he wasn’t Khan’s. He was. Every atom. “And I hope to have every opportunity to show you that I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. Now, enough with this gabfest and get back to kissing me again.”

"Happily." Khan bowed his head and began to kiss Jim again with a grin. Now that they had both been reassured with the post-coital chat, Khan dove back into treating Jim well, which included kissing him slowly, while he lowered himself down slightly onto his forearms, boxing Jim's head in as his entire focus right now. Lightly, his fingers pressed into the soft hairs on top of Jim's head, petting him in return. 

“Mmmm,” Jim hummed contentedly. “Like that. Don’t stop, Noonien.” He noted how his head was framed by Khan’s powerful arms and wondered if Khan viewed that as protecting Jim from outside forces, as well as focusing his attentions. His own hands roamed a little more widely now, taking in the broad shoulders and strong back, as well as rubbing at the nape of his neck. “You’re all angles,” he observed softly. “Long and lean with sharp corners.” His words were interrupted by kisses and his own moans of appreciation, but he kept talking. He’d never been one to be quiet, especially during sex and its fore and afterplay.

"Ah, I understand you now," Khan hummed. "You just wanted me to stop talking, so that you could keep talking, while I kiss you," he said, pressing a few kisses to Jim's jaw, nuzzling just under his ear as he drew in the warm scent of his lover onto his lips and into his lungs. Licking a few patches of dry sweat, now salty against Jim's skin, Khan continued to soothe small bruises and sore spots with his mouth. 

Jim chuckled and said, “I can’t shut up. I confess.” He tilted his head back on a longer moan. “Honestly, I just get weird about feelings. Men are supposed to be crap at that...right?” His hands tangled in Khan’s hair and directed him to kiss and bite more at his exposed neck. There was something primally thrilling about giving a predator like Khan free rein around such vulnerable areas. “But I also just can’t shut up during good sex. If I get all quiet, it’s probably a bad sign.”

"My wish is to be honest with you, that is all," Khan whispered before giving a little nibble with his lips at Jim's neck. Jim was making Khan purr again by playing with his hair and letting him indulge in his little bites and licks. The augment closed his eyes lightly, happy to let himself sink back into the warmth of both their bodies.

With one arm still in place near Jim's head to help support his weight, Khan pulled his other arm back so that he could palm Jim along the side of his ribs and down to his hips, wanting to make it clear that Khan still had every intention of petting and soothing other lingering aches. Khan would massage his lover, head to toe, all night long, until he was relaxed and asleep, if that was what it took. 

“I believe you,” Jim said. “I’ll do my best. I’m just not good at it.” He continued to play with Khan’s hair, since the man’s responses were so amazing. The purr rumbled through his body, even as it did Khan’s, and succeeded in making him relaxed and contented. “Are you the only one who makes sounds like this?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him. “They’re amazing...make me feel good all over. Like a big cat. Like my lion...only I don’t think they purr.” He arched into the hand on his hip a little and made a noise of discomfort as that shifted Khan inside him again. “Fuck.”

Whatever comment Khan was about to make regarding lions, or purring, or the other augments was completely silenced at Jim's distress. "Jim?" Khan pulled his hand back from Jim's hip, just hovering over the bone. Looking down between them, Khan could see a few more small, finger sized bruises on Jim's hip, but nothing more then that. Looking back up to Jim for an explanation, or direction, Khan remained completely still, barely looking as though he was even breathing. 

“Just managed to tweak something,” Jim said and added regretfully, “You may need to pull out now, as much as I don’t want you to.” He traced Khan’s face. “Nothing to worry about, Noonien. Happens sometimes when you really get into it.” He didn’t want to distress Khan too much about this, since it wasn’t the first time it’d happened to him during very energetic sex, and he doubted between them that it would be the last. “You might find that I’m a little...uh, torn down there. Nothing major. I don’t want you to get all concerned, all right?” He stroked Khan’s face and shoulders and back throughout the words, trying to convey a sense of calm.

Though Jim appeared relaxed and spoke of this as something he had experienced before, Khan was not relaxed. How could Jim remain so calm and touch him with such care, when he had harmed him? Anything left of his hard-on was certainly gone now, but even so, Khan careful shifted back, slipping out slowly as Jim's body naturally pushed him out. Everything. Cock. Semen. And blood.

Sitting back on his heels, Khan placed his hands on Jim's thighs, wanting to help him close his legs. Very quietly, Khan asked, "Do I take you to medical?"

Jim suppressed a laugh at the idea of going in to see Bones about this (since the doctor had given him many a lecture on sexual practices before), not wanting to offend or hurt Khan, who was obviously distressed at having injured Jim, even so slightly. “Not at all, Noonien,” he soothed and eased himself up to wrap his arms back around the other man. “This is all part of the aftercare of sex.” He kissed his nose. “Will you fetch a washcloth, soaked in a little warm water for me? I’ll get some salve you can put on and in me, which will fix everything up like new.” 

Jim held Khan’s gaze, willing him to believe when he said, “This isn’t anything terrible or something for you to worry or feel bad about. It’s just been a long time since I’ve been penetrated...and you’re a big, enthusiastic man. It was amazing. And I want to do it again. A few tears and all. Understand me?”

To Khan, there was nothing slight about the nature of the injury. It had happened when they were being vulnerable to one another, and Khan had harmed Jim in that moment of vulnerability. Khan did not understand how Jim could remain so calm with him, had the positions been reversed, Khan would not have shown such ease.

Moving off the bed, Khan quickly followed Jim's direction. In time, his brain would listen to Jim's reassurance and the rational facts that Jim had tried to present, but for now, Khan was in a different state of mind that would not allow him to relax. Returning from the bathroom, Khan had tied a towel around his hips and knelt on the bed, cupping a moist washcloth in his hand.

Jim smiled encouragingly at Khan and held up a small tube of salve that Bones had prescribed him sometime ago. He trustingly laid back and spread his legs for Khan, wanting to demonstrate his lack of fear. The towel was a bit concerning to him, but he knew better than to comment right now. “All right, just clean me off and then you can apply the salve to the whole area. All right?” He reached out a hand to Khan, fingers waving in the air.

Khan felt shaky on the inside, even though his movements were as smooth and flawless as usual. How was Jim so brave? How could he show such trust? With both hands, Khan gently manipulated the area, washing Jim between the legs, under his scrotum, then carefully around his anus. Cleaning helped Khan see the slight tear, and oddly, it offered him some relief. He could see now; he hadn't damaged Jim deep inside his gut. He wasn't bleeding out; it wasn't like that. This was manageable. Just like Jim had been trying to say. "How does that feel?" Khan asked, keeping the warm cloth pressed close while he began to spread the salve around with two fingers. 

“Yeah, that’s good,” Jim assured him with a warm smile. “Just a little bit inside me and that’ll soothe all of the strains away.” He watched Khan’s movements with soft eyes, seeing how hard the augment was trying. Still, he was a little confused… “Have you only ever had sex with augments, Noonien? I mean, between mortals, there’s often a little pain and blood, especially first times between partners. Some people even find it part of the fun of sexual experiences. Not that I’m a pain slut, but I don’t mind it a bit rough sometimes.”

Working very carefully around the outer rim, Khan kept his eyes down, focused on his care for Jim. But he frowned a little at the question, just as he was pushing in one finger-full of the ointment at a time. There was a very firm line in Khan's head, separating the difference between playful and rough, to blood and pain. It was a line set in place from his life on Earth long ago, in a region and traditions that supported a propensity for rape culture. Khan was therefore horrified that he might have crossed that line, all too easily, without even knowing it. "No, Jim." Slipping his finger out, Khan replenished a little more of the paste, so that he could work in a little more. "I have never had sex with other augments. Only you."


	9. Chapter 9

Jim gaped, swallowed hard and then gaped some more, before struggling to school his features. “You mean I’m your first, Noonien?” he asked, scarcely able to contemplate the idea. Royal Khan, Emperor of a third of the world should have been covered in lovers- mundane and augment alike. He could imagine harems of them. But a virgin… never. “This was the first time you’ve ever had sex?” he asked, a little more composed and his tone gentle and nonjudgmental. This felt like a delicate moment between them, and despite his shock, he wanted to make sure it was handled carefully. He didn’t have the best track record with that.

"You are surprised." Khan reflected on Jim's reaction a moment, withdrawing his finger and the washcloth that had started to go cold. "Yes, Jim. This was my first time." Slowly wiping his hands clean on that washcloth, Khan then added, "Please make me aware of any performance faults. I will make corrections in the future." 

“Performance faults,” Jim repeated and then raised himself up to his knees to wrap his arms around Khan’s shoulders. “You were fucking brilliant, Noonien. I’m surprised because I guess I imagined that among your family and subjects, there must have been people whom you felt close to, whom you were intimate with. The idea that I could be your first...it never occurred to me.” He rested their foreheads together. “In some ways, I’m glad you didn’t tell me. I’m not the kind to get nervous about sex, but knowing you were about to give me such a gift...it might have been enough.” A moment went by, where Jim kept their heads close together. “I hope you don’t think less of me...for being a bit of a slut.”

Khan frowned slightly at the term. "I do not think of you as a slut. You have experienced life, other beings, in ways I have not." Khan leaned into the hug, wrapping his own arms around Jim in return. "It has not been in my nature to open myself up to shared intimacies ... but with you ..." Khan pet his hand down Jim's back, "I am invested for the long term." 

Jim smiled at the way Khan phrased it and said softly, “Thank you, Noonien. I’m glad you think of it in those terms. It means a lot to me...funny, never did before. Guess I’m pretty invested in this, too.” He playfully kissed Khan’s nose. “So, was it good for you then? Did you enjoy your first time?” Jim paused and then confessed, “Had I known it was your first time, I might have warned you about things like tearing, though, so you wouldn’t have been surprised. I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark about such things...I just assumed you had prior knowledge. Stupid.”

"Yes, Jim. You were amazing," Khan answered, finally taking an easier, relaxed breath as he held Jim in his arms. "I understand now, how such pleasures might becoming addicting. But I would like to clarify, for my sake," he said, pulling his head back to look Jim firmly in the eyes. "Do you consider my actions rough, or were they violent?" Khan took the distinction very seriously, and would be unable to move on from this, until the matter was resolved. 

“Oh please, let’s get addicted to them together,” Jim breathed and pressed his naked body fully into Khan’s. “And just to be clear, if you ever did anything I didn’t like, I’d let you know, Noonien. Just like I expect you to let me know if the opposite ever happened. Honesty is important when it comes to good sex. If you’re not having fun than it’s not worth it.” He relaxed into Khan’s arms and rested himself comfortably, totally at ease with the stronger man.

Well, Khan did not like the idea of making Jim bleed. That was certainly down in the books now. "How do you feel, Jim? Are there other aches I can address? May we lay together, may I continue to hold you in my arms?" he asked, pressed his nose to Jim's temple, their faces resting cheek to cheek as Khan hugged his young human lover.

“I feel great,” Jim said and then yawned, grinning a little abashedly afterward. “You wiped me out a bit. Note- most men get sleepy after great sex. So, lying down and being held sounds perfect.” He began to ease himself back to the mattress, pulling at Khan to urge him down, too. “Maybe later, you can show me what you learned when I gave you a massage. I bet you memorized everything I did. And I get to benefit. Lucky me.” He gave an approximation of his own purr, hoping Khan might respond positively to the noise.

Laying down with Jim on the bed, Khan placed a hand on the front of his lover's chest. He was pleased by the warmth still radiating from his body and the vibrations echoing through his fingertips. However, the corner of Khan's mouth pulled back suddenly in a smile as Jim attempted to purr. Amused and curious and delighted, Khan's nose flared, as if it, too, were trying to smile. "Yes, Jim...after a little rest, I will happily offer you a full body massage."

Jim laughed at his own attempt and said, “Perhaps I should leave that to you, huh? That’s just something you do naturally, isn’t it? When you’re happy, you rumble.” He stroked at Khan’s chest, before placing his hand in a similar position over Khan’s heart. “You’re right, this is soothing.” He kissed the cute nose, again, not that he would ever dare say it was cute. Probably not. Maybe. “So, you did memorize what I did?”

"Other sounds come naturally to you ..." Not least of all, was how vocal Jim was in the bedroom. But he didn't mean just that. Jim also featured an array of scoffs and annoyed grunts, playfully indignant squeaks, laughs and giggles, among other wonderful, subtle happy sounds. "Though I do not mind that attempt. It makes me smile," Khan said, relaxing even further to have Jim mirror the gesture of placing a hand on his chest. "Are you putting me to the test, so soon?" he asked, allowing for only a small gap between their faces, so that they could talk and whisper.

“Yeah, I’m a noisy one,” Jim admitted with a grin and rubbed their noses together. “I’m glad you seem to like that, ‘cause I don’t think I can learn to be quiet. But the purring I’ll leave to your domain.” He closed the scant distance for the briefest kiss and asked, “Would you like to be tested, Noonien? My brave lion, I think you will meet every test, but I have no need to do that to you.” He settled back down and smiled contentedly at his lover.

Slipping his hand up from Jim's chest, around the back of his neck, his fingers pushed through the short blond hairs at the back of Jim's skull, petting and rubbing the scalp gently. "If you wish to test me, I shall comply to your wishes." But no, it was not exactly Khan's idea of fun. The again, in the past when Khan was put to any test, it had generally been under rather unforgiving circumstances. Though Khan imagined that Jim would be forgiving of any small faults, even if the augment was not as forgiving of himself. 

“Noonien, as this was your first time, and I didn’t ask you what I should have, if I had known, is there anything you’d like to know? About sex? Or relationships, for all that I’m pretty much crap at them prior to this? Or anything at all? I don’t want you put in a situation again where you feel like you’ve done something wrong,” Jim said. “It’s especially important, since you seem to trust me so much...complying with my wishes…” He was nervous about the notion and kissed him again.

Khan looked at Jim, then blinked once. "Of course I trust you." Jim had earned and held Khan's trust for some time now. Publicly and privately. "But as a matter of my inexperience, I do not even know what questions to ask you, Jim. Is there a traditional dialogue for new lovers?" he asked, lightly scratching at the back of Jim's head, working at massaging the tendons and thin layer of skin over bone.

If Jim did purr, now would be the time, as Khan scratched into his head with very pleasing results. “Well, generally, you talk a little bit about what you like and dislike. If you have any triggers, like being held down or blindfolded, whatever it may be. Or if you have any kinks you enjoy. It’s not exactly romantic, but neither is having a panic attack mid-sex because your partner just smeared something you’re deadly allergic to on your cock.” He paused and tried to look innocent. “And no, I don’t speak from personal experience.” A hint of a shamed blush told of the lie.

There was something feline about the way Khan narrowed his eyes as Jim, suggesting he observed the small deception, but wasn't bothered enough to say anything about it. "Is that a conversation you would like to have now?" He asked, shifting closer to stay warm and then hooked their ankles so that they were locked together.

“If you do,” Jim said and stroked through the soft locks, before moving to his back and shoulders. “Certainly, we should talk about it before we do that again.” He snuggled closer to Khan and asked, “May I ask you a few personal questions, so I understand you better? You can ask me whatever you wish. I’m not at all shy.”

"Yes, Jim, you should feel free to ask me anything," Khan said, arm laying across Jim's chest, hand resting on his far shoulder, now that Jim was on his back again. Khan was still quite warm and was aware that Jim's skin might become chilled after cooling down from their lovemaking. And while a blanket was only a reach away, for now Khan simply wanted to remain still with his lover in his arms.

“Thank you, Noonien,” Jim said honestly. “I wanted to ask about why you’ve never had a lover before...and if you ever had anyone you were close to, in a romantic sense, even if you never had sex. In the interest of fairness, I’ve never really had anyone I was serious about, but I lost track of my sexual partners years ago. Deliberately lost track.” He could easily have remembered them all, if he put his oversized brain to the task, but there were many that he wanted to forget. “I first had sex when I was thirteen with an older girl...and then an older guy. Aliens came later. There were always Starfleet cadets coming into Riverside, and once I got old enough, I started experimenting with as many different species I could, too.”

Khan's answer to the question was not a simple one. There was no one thing to be said on the issue that would satisfactorily answer all aspects, of each overlaying and interweaving reason. "Please consider, Jim, I was designed for a specific purpose, in a different time. For one, companionship would have been something of an indulgence, unrelated to my purpose- my loyalty and responsibly was to Earth, and my people. A lover would have been a very low priority, I therefore could not in good conscious open myself up, or expect a lover to be truly vulnerable with me. It would have been false comfort, and there is no joy in such things for me. But to further answer your question, as I have answered the princess and others who have sought my companionship. I do not wish for a short-term union. I find the idea distressing, to treat such intimacies as disposable." Khan kept his eyes on Jim as he spoke. There was no judgement on Jim, for embodying the opposite, the two were held to different standards of their time and upbringing, Khan understood this. "I have never felt secure in devoting myself to a lover, until now."

Jim’s nose wrinkled at the explanation, and he said, “Well, we’re a lot alike in having a somewhat unhealthy view of interpersonal relationships. I hope we can break that trend together.” He pressed his forehead to Khan’s and murmured, “I hate the description of your past life...that you denied yourself a lover, a confidant, because you felt like you couldn’t have one. That’s wrong, no matter what your purpose was. But I’m glad you feel like you can have a lover now, like we can be vulnerable to each other. You deserve that. I fucking deserve it, too. And like I promised you before, this is not a short-term thing for me, either. Even if my track record isn’t the best.” He gently slotted their mouths together and enjoyed a lingering kiss, one that was tender.

Khan was grateful for the kiss, which was a different kind of reassuring statement. He nodded slightly, eyelids drooping closed as their lips brushed. His hand slid down from Jim's shoulder, over his chest and around one side, fingertips carefully exploring the ridges of his ribs, before dropping further down to his hips. "How do you feel, Jim?" he asked, not wishing to cause pain at his touch if Jim was too tender in certain areas. But he did still want to be close, and looked to Jim to draw the line of what was too much attention. 

“I’m fine, Noonien,” Jim assured him. “Whatever aches there were the salve soothed away. And your hands make me feel good. Please keep touching, if you like.” He smoothed his palms all over Khan’s body in return, letting him feel how nice it was to be touched by a lover. “Tell me why you feel secure now?” he asked, wanting to hear what it was that had finally allowed Khan to open himself to this kind of relationship.

With a sigh, relieved that he was not causing Jim pain, and to have his lover's hand on him in return, Khan found it easy to speak again. "My focus has changed. It is no longer on Earth. Or my people. The decisions I make, now include what I want." Sitting up, Khan leaned heavily against one arm as he looked at Jim laying out on the bed. "I feel safe with you, Jim. Whereas in the past, it has been my duty to make others feel safe. And committing myself to be apart of the Enterprise, is also a commitment to you. It is an arrangement for the long-term, which is a secure feeling as well."

“Tell me what you want,” Jim pleaded, not wanting it to be a demand. “Not just me, Noonien. That you already have. What else do you want for yourself?” He hoped the augment had career dreams and goals, things he could achieve while on the Enterprise. And maybe he could help Khan in small ways, since he knew the proud man would want to reach his goals for himself. He smiled up into Khan’s face, liking how the augment hovered over him protectively.

"What I want ..." Khan looked down at his own hand as it slowly traveled over Jim's stomach. What he wanted was still a new concept, but he starting to articulate and follow with such things more and more. "I want to pursue medical science or engineering. I want to feel that I belong, that I am welcomed." All, naturally human desires and struggles that Khan was only just now being faced with. "I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want a long life, that allows me to be creative. To travel. I want to experience the universe, to sights and sounds, to touches and tastes, to emotions I have yet to experience. I want to find my place in chaos." 

Jim listened to all of Khan’s wants intently and filed them away for retention. He nodded once and said, “And I want to make sure you have the opportunity to explore as many of those things as possible. I want you to have them all. Travel is pretty much a given, since we’re going where no humans have ever gone before. As for the medical sciences and engineering, well, you can have your fill of either and both. Scotty and Bones both are over the moon about your work, though Scotty rhapsodized a bit more about it. Still, in some ways, I like you even more in Medical, since it lets the crew really get to see you’re a member and trust you with their health. But the choice is up to you.” 

"Having the trust of your crew would be very satisfying. But it is not a confidence that can be forced, nor one I can wait on, while I attempt to move forward in my own life." Khan paused, thoughtful for several quiet minutes as his brain leapt ahead to a series of natural conclusions, sketching out in his mind dozens of paths and probabilities. "After the five year mission, will you return to Earth? Or will you embark on another mission?"

“I don’t know. A lot of the future will be determined by how we do this time out,” Jim said. “Although, now that I’m out here in the black, I can’t see myself going back until I can’t do this anymore.” He caressed his lover’s face with gentle fingers and thumbed over his mouth. “Would you prefer that I stay on Earth, Noonien, or do you like being out here with me, too?” He really hoped that Khan also wanted to continue to explore the stars, but if he preferred to stay on Earth, he would understand. 

At the touch, Khan offered a small kiss to Jim's thumb, though appeared calm and at ease as Jim touched his face. "In the end, I do not believe I will be allowed back on Earth," Khan said, aware of his position. He was meant to be relocated with the other augments, but in the end had tagged along with Kirk and the Enterprise. It was tolerated, but Khan certainly wouldn't be welcome on Earth ever again. "In time, I may need to find a space station or another ship traveling into deep space that will take me aboard."

Jim frowned at Khan and said, “I don’t think that’s going to happen. If we returned to Earth right now, you might be right, but in four years, after you’ve been on the Enterprise and part of the crew, I’m pretty sure that will change. You deserve a chance to return, if you really want to.” He explored Khan’s face for a sign of what he wanted in that line. “Do you want to have a home on Earth someday, Noonien?” 

Khan felt that Jim was being far too optimistic. Earth's ruling government had well established laws against augmenting humans. They had learned their lesson from the Eugenics War. Even though Earth was home to many diverse people, many races and species, augments, especially one of the originals, would be regarded with fear and suspicion. "Earth is no longer my home. I do not belong there, anymore." There was no sense in pretending otherwise. Lowering himself back down on the bed, Khan sighed as he shifted to lay out on his back, looking up to the ceiling for inspiration. But even as he laid like this, Khan blindly sought out Jim's hand to hold, feeling he belong at his side, and to follow this path for as long as he could. 

Jim grasped his hand and then rolled over to caress Khan’s face. “Do you want to find a home? Could you see the Enterprise as your home? She’s been my home since first I set foot on her. And I think I knew she would be the first time I saw her being built at the spacedocks in Riverside.” He smiled in slight bemusement of it was at the memory of that day, when he’d still been so lost and searching for his own place in the universe. He’d known he wanted that ship from the moment he’d seen her, but how he was to get her eluded him at the time. So, he’d brass-balled his way into Starfleet, the same fashion as he’d always bulled his way into everything.

"Yes, Jim. The Enterprise is my home, for now. But at the end of the five year mission, if you are no longer her Captain, I will have to find a new home." A lot of Khan's future depended upon Kirk, and for how long he wanted to keep Khan in his life. It was an unbalanced aspect of their relationship, but Khan had accepted it as a liveable dynamic, and felt no indication that Jim would abuse the power he had over Khan's life; sleeping together, or not. "But that is a worry for the distant future. I simply wanted to know where you saw yourself, that is all."

“It’s not like Earth ever had that much hold on me,” Jim confessed. “As soon as I found the stars, I knew that’s where I wanted to be. Whatever happens, Noonien, I don’t want you to be alone. I think-” He paused and stroked over Khan’s right cheek tenderly. “I think you need people, a family, to be a part of.” He searched the changeable eyes of his lover for any sign that he might have overstepped. “And honestly, I don’t know what the future holds for me after the Enterprise’s mission. I do want to continue to be Captain, as long as they’ll let me.”

"Yes-" Khan said quietly. Jim was not wrong. Khan needed to be a block that was apart of a building. To hold rank within an organized unit. He needed a structured life, shared with others. He needed a family, and a role to play within that family. While Khan had proved himself more than capable of surviving, existing on his own, he didn't want that as a life for himself. He wanted the happiness associated with more than merely surviving. "I imagine you will retain your command for some time, Jim. It is a lifestyle that fits you well."

“Well, I hope you’re right, Noonien. And on any ship where I’m captain, you will always be welcome,” Jim said and rested his forehead on Khan’s. “My crew is also my family, and you’re a part of my crew for as long as you want to be...and as long as I can have a crew.” He grinned, that boyish smile that lit up his eyes. “And with time, I hope you view other people as part of your family, too.”

Khan gave a slight nod, then reached across the bed for a pillow, which he promptly pushed into Jim's grinning face. But only for a moment, as the intent was not to smother his lover, only to silence him, and then use the pillow against his own shoulder for Jim to rest his head. He could not give answer to what Jim wanted for him. Khan felt strongly about many of Jim's crew, but until the feeling was mutual, he knew better than to delude himself, or to call them family. 

Jim laughed as Khan showed a playful side and put his head on the pillow, still laughing softly. He lightly pinched at Khan’s right nipple and then began to tease it, not with intent (unless Khan showed interest), but trying to give him pleasure and show appreciation for his form. “Do you want to spend the night here, Noonien?” he asked softly.

Resting his hand on his own chest, Khan pressed his hand over Jim's, trapping it to remain still. He was unsure of Jim's intentions, but Khan was not ready for more of that just yet. Lifting his chin, Khan used it to push down one side of the pillow, so that he could get a better look at Jim as he spoke. "Would that be acceptable? I would like to remain in your bed tonight."

“Acceptable? Fuck, yeah. More than acceptable. You’re more than welcome in my bed to sleep, as well as other things.” Jim rested his head more comfortably on the pillow and allowed his hand to just smooth over Khan’s skin, since more had obviously been taken off the table. “I sleep better with someone beside me, but it’s not something I’ve indulged in often. I didn’t want to give people the wrong idea about a relationship with me...before. Now, I want to make sure we’re on the same page, too.” He considered and then confessed, “My libido runs hot and steady. I more than like sex, I pretty much crave it at times. I’m not like addicted to it or anything, but when there’s someone willing available, I don’t say no very often. So, given that you’ve lived pretty chastely all your life, you might have to beat me off sometimes.”

"I will do my best to satisfy you." Khan said, turning to nuzzle the top of Jim's head. The last thing he wanted was for Jim to become bored with him, to seek out others to satisfy his needs. It would hurt, to be regarded as not enough. "You may on occasion, until I learn, need to tell me exactly what you crave, what you need from me." With his nose pressed into Jim's soft hair, Khan sighed, relaxed by being allowed to cuddle together after their marathon of lovemaking. 

“Oh, there’s no question of your satisfying me,” Jim assured him softly. “More of me being a little more hyperactive than you might expect from a mere normal.” He laughed at himself and his overactive sex drive. “And we’ll learn each other together. I’ll be happy to demonstrate a lot of different things we can do and figure out what you like. It’ll be fun!” He imagined all of the varied and athletic shenanigans he and Khan could get up to, given the augment’s strength, size and flexibility, not to mention his stamina. Jim could hardly wait!

Although there was a question about Khan’s desires to be as active as Jim might normally be, something he hadn’t really considered about the other man before tonight. Khan might well be capable of all kinds of extraordinary sexual acts, but not interested all the same. It was a bit of a strange thought for someone like Jim.

"Thank you." Khan said, grateful for Jim's apparent willingness and patience with him. Though after a few minutes of quietly touching and cuddling, Khan became the first one to doze off, eyes closed and body relaxed as he rested in bed with his lover. While Jim might be accustomed to hard and fast, or fucking for hours on end, it was still quite new for Khan and he need a little time to recover after his first time.

Just shy of an hour, Khan began to stir again. Turning in bed with a soft groan, he wrapped his arms around Jim from behind. His hands were the first to become active again, palming the front of Jim's chest, seeking out his warmth. While he smiled against the back of Jim's neck, waking himself up with the scent of his lover in his arms.

Jim had slipped into a light doze himself, enjoying the warmth and solidity of Khan pressed against him. However, he had to admit to a surge of longing through his midsection when the augment began to caress and nuzzle again. Fully alert almost immediately, he slid back to press himself more fully into Khan’s strength and murmured, “Waking up, lover? You don’t have to if you’re not ready. I’m warm and comfortable here in your arms and staying here for longer would be no skin off my nose.” He used the old saying with a little smile, thinking of the person who’d taught it to him. 

"Yes-" Khan nibbled a few gentle kisses to the back of Jim's hairline. "It was not my intention to close my eyes ..." One hand slid easily down to press against Jim's stomach, enjoying how their bodies were currently pressed together. "I am very comfortable with you, Jim," he said, then began to brush his lips over Jim's shoulder, kissing the skin lightly as he spoke to him from behind like this. "How do you feel?"

“Happy to be snuggled,” Jim said and traced a hand down Khan’s arm to tangle their fingers. “Even for me, it’s unusual to have a partner so much stronger than I am. And as tall as I am. Being the little spoon is not a luxury I got to indulge in very often before.” He stretched in Khan’s arms and tilted his head to find some skin to kiss and gnaw on. “Of course, I might want to introduce you to the same feelings of security and comfort that I’m getting right now. Equal sharing is important to me, Noonien.” He found a nice spot and began to almost chew at it, before sucking lightly. 

"Yes, Jim. I would like that." He had no problem with the concept, he wanted to experience things as equals, just as Jim said. Though some delicacy would go a long way when it came to putting Khan on his back and taking him for the first time. Even household cats did not roll onto their back and expose their stomachs, unless they felt safe and completely relaxed, never mind a lion. Khan purred at the attention, even in the form of rough bites. "Ah- that's good."

Jim chuckled and said, “Tastes good, too. Spicy.” He encouraged the wanderings of Khan’s hands over his body, spreading himself wide for the exploring. His body was certainly ready for another round, but he waited for Khan to indicate his own desires. For now, he continued to explore the reachable parts of his lover with his mouth and guide Khan’s hands (carefully, of course, not being too overbearing) along the planes and curves of his own body. “I’ve always appreciated both sexes myself,” he murmured, “but there is something dead sexy about having such huge palms stroke my skin. Your fingers are long and they cover so much territory at once.”

It felt very good to have Jim squirm and stretch in his arms. To roll back into his own body and shift against the touch of his hands. It triggered a certain excitement in the pit of his stomach, as he began to seek out more intimate areas. At first, Khan kept one hand pressed to Jim's stomach while the other slid down to his thigh, rubbing the inside crevice slowly, not wishing to irritate any raw skin there. But soon that wasn't enough, and with a shift of his own hips to keep them close so that he could reach around his body, Khan began to lightly use the palm of his hand to stroke Jim's cock, fingers curling slightly to cup the underside of his balls. "You enjoy my hands, do you?"

Jim hummed low in his throat in delight and pressed into the touch, which slowly encouraged his cock to swell and fill. It was just the delightful sort of tease that he preferred, something that built the pleasure up. “At this moment, Noonien, very much indeed. And do you like what your hands are touching? Feeling me get aroused for you? It’s delicious for me.” Hips followed the gentle hand, but again, Jim made sure not to build himself too fast, lest they get through the encounter far too soon to suit. He was a master in the bedroom, able to control his body’s reactions very well indeed. Although a lover such as Khan made it much more difficult.

"Yes, Jim." Giving each other hand jobs or oral pleasure was something the two had shared in their time together, building up to this first time they engaged in penetrative sex. Khan was still quite fond of these exchanges in their own right, and hoped that they could continue. "I love the weight of your cock in my hands ... I could start you off every day like this ... reach around and stroke you off, wake you up coming in my hands." Khan kissed at Jim's neck before just tucking his face there, happy to be smothered in his scent. 

“Am I the first one you’ve shared this with, too?” Jim asked and let his head dip forward as Khan buried his nose there. He realized that the augment was scenting him, as other animals with more sensitive senses of smell did with each other, and found it exceptionally arousing. “Tell me what I smell like,” he said softly. “Please.” He loved hearing about how Khan sensed the universe around him, often so differently from everyone else, and asked frequently about what Khan saw or heard or smelled or felt, anything new he could learn. “You seem to like it.”

"Yes ... the first ..." Khan mumbled, groaning softly. He took several deep breaths in, lips brushing against the short hairs, then smiled. "Well, for a start, you smell a little like me mixed in ..." For humans, it was probably as satisfying as finding new lands and planting a flag there, claiming it as their own. But for someone like Khan, and other animals, it was something like clawing at a tree or rubbing against a rock, leaving an imprint of themselves to show, this was theirs, their territory. "You smell like freshly ground up soil and warm sunlight ... you smell like the electricity from lightning ..."

“Possessive bastard,” Jim said with complete and utter affection. “Do you smell a little bit like me, too?” He hoped so, even if he couldn’t tell to appreciate it, but he could enjoy the idea that they carried a bit of each other around with them, even when apart. Even something as delicate as scent. The positive words about how Khan viewed him made Jim wiggle back against him some more. “Well, if I’m that good, you need more of me.” He grinned that cheeky quirk of his and tangled a hand in Khan’s hair to urge his face to stay close and connected. “Bet I taste good, too.”

"Yes, Jim...I have your scent on me as well. I love it," Khan said with a purr, eyes slightly rolling back into his head. "I could roll in your scent for hours...it's why I enjoy laying in your bedding, before you get off duty." Khan made another pleased sound as Jim pulled at his hair, keeping him close. With a lick of his lips, Khan then opened his mouth to nibble at Jim's neck and the shell of his ear, licking at small sections at a time. "Do you like that, Jim? Knowing that you overwhelm my senses?" 

Jim snorted a laugh and said, “I don’t think anything overwhelms you, Noonien, but the idea is nice.” He laughed a little more at the vision of Khan rolling around in his bed like a large, playful wolf (cause a puppy just wasn’t going to cut it) and asked, “Should I always leave the sheets dirty then? Must be frustrating to discover that the Yeoman has changed them and all they smell like is that bland detergent or whatever it is the replicators are trying to mimic.” He groaned as Khan’s lips and teeth skimmed across his sensitive lobe and said, “Oh, you are a fucking tease, too. I love it.”

"Clean sheets is just an opportunity to make them smell like the both of us again." Khan said, hooking one arm across Jim's middle once more, holding him close as he squirmed. He was becoming more gentle in handling Jim's erection, almost feather light brushes across the top, teasing the head. "I think you are laying on the lube ... pour a little into my hands, Jim." He directed, slowly licking the spot behind his ear, since he seemed to enjoy that so much. 

“Well, that’s not very sexy of me,” Jim mumbled and searched until he found the little tube. “Here we are.” He opened it up and then drizzled it over the fingers of his lover. “Are you going to put more inside me, Noonien? I’m still a bit messy from last time.” Capping the tub, he tossed it aside again and arched his head to try and find Khan’s mouth for a kiss.

"Not yet-" Khan said, sliding the lube between his fingers and palm before he began to stroke Jim's erection again. Starting from the base, Khan stroked the shaft with firm fingers, offering Jim some resistance to push against. "For now, this is what I want." He said, licking at his neck as he looked over his shoulder, watching his own hands on Jim's body.

“Oh, is that how it is?” Jim asked and moved with the stroking hand. “You want to watch me as you build up my pleasure? See how I respond to your every touch and ask for more?” He groaned low in his throat and said, “I can do that. Do you want me to talk, too, Noonien? Tell me how it feels to have you touch me? To have your strong fingers around my cock, slick with lube and working me just right? How I want you to go even faster and harder and bring me right to the edge and then make me wait, just cause you can? Make me beg you for it, 'cause my balls are so tight they’re going to fall off if you don’t let me come? Is that what you want?”

Khan listened to Jim, then a smile slowly developed until he was grinning against Jim. Yes. Yes, he liked the idea of all of that. "You are very good at talking in bed, Jim. Yes ... yes, I want to hear how it makes you feel, every minute. I want to hear you give praise. I want to hear you ask, when you need more. I want every delicious thought on your mind, Jim," Khan said with a purr, biting at his shoulder as he said 'delicious'. 

Jim felt the smile, both in Khan’s voice and against his neck, and the satisfaction turned even a little more thrilling when Khan bit at his shoulder, teeth blunt, but strong, in his skin. “Mmm. I like the way you respond to dirty talk, Noonien. Get all animalistic on me for it.” He shifted and dropped his top arm so that his hand rested on Khan’s hip, stroking and squeezing in response to the way he was being touched. “You have such lovely fingers, Noonien. They’re very long and powerful, but the skin is smooth like silk. Your touch is like the finest glide all over my cock, so that I feel it all the way to my toes. So fucking good. But you know how to drive me crazy by working so slow, so that I want to buck into your hand to give myself more relief.” He whined high in his throat, needy and not ashamed to demonstrate. “But I know if I do, you can just hold me down and prevent me from going anywhere with no effort at all. I’m totally at your mercy, naked and writhing against you. Fuck. I want you inside me so bad…”

Khan did love feeling Jim writhe and arch back against him. Watching his lover move and breathe, seeking relief and satisfaction. "Tell me, Jim," Khan said in a whisper, biting at the lobe of his ear. With his free hand, Khan began to hook his arm around Jim's body, over one shoulder and across his chest. While his legs spread just enough so that he could wrap himself around Jim in a full body lock, holding him tight in his embrace while getting him off. "Tell me why you want it so badly ..."

Jim whined again as Khan suddenly enveloped him in arms and legs, restricting how much he could move. But his mouth remained quite free and easy. “You filled me up,” he breathed. “It’d been a long time since I bottomed, and never with somebody so big. Now, I feel empty.” He deliberately fluttered his muscles around the nothing inside him and made a tragic face. “That space is still loosened by how much your girth pushed it, but there’s nothing there.” He whimpered this time, low and needy and nearly pathetic, pushing at what he hoped was Khan’s urge to protect and satisfy. His body stopped wriggling and slumped against Khan a bit. “Feels nice to be surrounded by you, though. Contained.” He turned his head and bit down at one of Khan’s arms, playful.

Khan's heart soared. Jim was speaking his language. This wasn't a matter of interpreting human deception or phrasing or even flirting. These basic desires and needs. The whimpers and the rubbing. The biting and eager breath. These things Khan understood as if they were his native language. It was one thing his brain did not have to translate, it was simply understood. Khan held Jim close to his own body and began to roll his hips, so that they pushed Jim's hips to move with his as well, both men rubbing together as Khan held Jim in his arms, protective and loving. "I would let you, Jim, but I want to hold you in my arms. Do you think we can do both?" He asked, kissing the side of Jim's face, completely unthreatened by the bite to his arm. 

“You want to hold me and fuck me,” Jim interpreted after a moment and then chuckled, low and dirty, in the back of his throat. “You always want to overachieve, don’t you?” He considered and then pressed back when Khan pressed forward the next time. “It can work. You can make it work, Noonien. Have to let my top leg up and over your hip, but you can hold that in place with one hand, if you want to keep hold of all parts of me. Keep the other arm around my waist and gripping the opposite shoulder. Your lower leg can be holding open my lower leg by resting on top of it and pressing it down. And then you can stick that big, fat, glorious cock of yours as deep inside as possible. Hold me and make me take it, move me as you want.” He turned to meet Khan’s mouth, his kiss ragged with want. “Please do that.”

"Yes, Jim-" Khan whispered against his lips, sucking slowly once at his mouth before pulling his head back. Keeping his hands on Jim at all times, Khan helped guide his legs apart, hooking one over his own. Here he paused for a moment, getting a feel for holding Jim like this, and how he pressed up against his backside. Pulling the towel off his hips, which he had fallen asleep with while in bed, Khan let his cock slide freely between Jim's thighs, still a little slick from the ointment. And now covered with the remaining lube from Khan's hands. But Khan was unrushed, even though Jim was quite eager. He took his time, rubbing his hands over Jim's body, after if checking to ensure no one part was being put under more stress then another.

Khan was quiet, except for the way he breathed in and out, deep and full in such a way that his chest expanded and pressed against Jim's back. "Soon, you will be nice and full again." He said, rubbing and grinding so that he would be hard enough for his lover. Teasing them both, Khan pushed himself against Jim, sliding across the hole of his ass until the head found it's place. "Just want you wanted?" he asked, not yet pushing to penetrate. 

“Not quite yet, Noonien,” Jim said with another needy whine and tightened his hand on Khan’s hip. “But yes, this is what I meant. You’re all over me, all around me.” He had remained pliant while Khan rearranged them both to his liking, glad for his flexibility, not to mention that of his lover. It allowed them to be pressed close everywhere, so that they could remain entwined the way Khan wanted. Honestly, Jim rather enjoyed it, as well.

“You’re a tease,” Jim said and pushed back at the hard cock, wanting it inside him again. He paused for a beat, though, and said, “It might cause me to bleed a little, but that’s all right. I want you, Noonien. So badly. Want to be joined with you, as close as it is physically.”

Khan swallowed hard at the warning. Was he endangering Jim by having him again so soon? He would have happily given him more time to heal, but Jim was so eager, so vocal for more. "I don't want to hurt you." Khan assured, one hand coming to rest flat against Jim's chest. "I do not want to cause you injury, or illness." He said, rubbing his other hand firmly against Jim's hip so that he could at least firmly rub up against him over and over again. "Jim. I need to know your limits. I will give you pleasure, but I need to know the right thing to do."

“I know you don’t,” Jim soothed, “and that’s why I told you. Even though I’m jonesing so much for you inside me that I can hardly think about anything else. Trust me, Noonien, to know my limits and to tell you if you approach them, like I trust you never to keep going if I ask you not to. But if you don’t want to risk hurting me at all, there’s another thing we could do, similar.” He reached back to tangle a hand in Khan’s hair and tugged him into a soft kiss. “Would you like that? Something else that doesn’t risk hurting me at all? You can let go of yourself a bit more.” 

"Jim- I don't need to let go right now, I simply want to be close to you and give you pleasure ... will your suggestion still give you pleasure?" Khan asked, lightly closing his eyes as Jim pulled his hair so that they could kiss. Limbs wrapped around Jim and pressed firmly against his back, Khan radiated heat, but not uncomfortably that made someone want to pull away, sticky or gross, but warm like laying under heavy blankets, or more accurately, like a very large predator that was curled up with its made during hibernation. "Tell me." He said, fingertips lightly playing against Jim's nipple, just experimenting between small flicks or light scratches. 

“Not as much physically,” Jim admitted with a low moan at the attentions to his nipples, which were not usually overly sensitive, but as always, with Khan, everything was a little more intense. “But if you’re not having fun because you’re worried about hurting me, then I won’t be having fun anyway.” He reached for the lube again and poured a lot more out, before applying it to his thighs and the backs of his legs. “Shift again so you can thrust between my legs,” he murmured and reached behind him to try and get the remaining slick on Khan’s erection.

Thrusting forward, Khan felt his cock slid between Jim's lubed up thighs with ease. It was hot and wet now, and felt very nice, almost soothing after being so rough with Jim before. It was an unexpected pleasure, and briefly after finding an easy rhythm of his own, Khan let go of Jim's leg in place of reaching around his middle to help stroke him off again. "There ... that's quite enjoyable." 

“Mmmhmm, not too bad,” Jim agreed and settled his legs more comfortably to give Khan something tight, but smooth, to really get a good rhythm thrusting through. He reached down and gently placed a hand over Khan’s and urged his strokes so that they could time right. Khan stroked up and thrust forward when Jim pushed back and then vice versa. “That’s even better,” he murmured and tugged at his hair again. “And if you can find it in you to kiss me, too, that’ll make it the best yet.” 

"Yes, Jim-" Khan arched his neck so that his head was over Jim's shoulder, pressing his nose against the side of his face as his lips sought out Jim's mouth, sucking at his moist lips with a soft hum. This felt good. Jim felt good. He could do this. Plus, it allowed the augment to bask in Jim's flavours, the taste of his skin or his lips, touching different parts of his body, some hard and rigid to hold onto, while others to be handled with more care.

It wasn't the coupling Jim was looking for, he wasn't being fucked hard or filled up, but it was what Khan felt comfortable with right now. After a day or two of rest, Jim would likely get to feel Khan blow his load deep in his ass once again. But he would work at stretching Jim, massaging his muscles and show more care so that there would be no cause to make him bleed again. 

Jim put a healthy dose of his formidable skills into the kiss, teeth and tongue and lips responding to everything Khan did. He knew the augment would catch on to every trick soon enough, so he saved a few for later, while demonstrating much of what a skilled lover learned over time. And he continued to pet at the soft strands of Khan’s hair, using that hand to also urge him deeper into the kiss and keep their heads close. Not that his augment needed much urging if the way he hummed was any indication.

And Jim was glad for his decision to tell Khan, to not risk upsetting him further. This was perhaps not quite what he’d wanted, but it was enough. More than enough, especially with Khan reacting so contentedly to it all. To Jim’s knowledgeable eyes, it seemed obvious that Khan was built to be a lover- fierce, protective, possessive and achingly tender all at once. The augment may not even have known or acknowledged it to himself, but he wanted a partner rather badly and had taken instantly to having one. Sex was only a small piece of that relationship, after all...if a rather key one to Jim.

"Jim-" Khan pleaded, half strangling his hold on Jim's cock as he continued to grow excited, pushing up against his backside over and over. It was still very much an intimate feeling, rubbing and thrusting like this, and it was working Khan up quite well. He groaned his pleasure into Jim's mouth, easily lead by even the lightest hold Jim had on him.

The bed sheets were pushed further and further down, knotting at their feet the more the two men rubbed and pushed against the other. This was what Khan had wanted, to hold Jim in his arms, to feel the friction of their bodies as he rutted against him. Though in his mind, he had shown more talent at getting Jim off, rather then be so well distracted by his mouth or fucking the space between his legs. But he tried, not wanting to leave Jim unsatisfied. So, he imagined that Jim in his arms, just in front of him, was an extension of himself. And how he would like to be handled. So, with the force of his thrusts, he helped Jim fuck his closed fingers, thumb squeezing carefully over the head, before sliding down to do it all over again.

For a moment, Jim was worried Khan might pinch the top of his cock right off, but then the touch gentled into something pleasant again. “Noonien,” he answered the plea of his name with a gentle reply and a sweet kiss, tender and full of care. “I’m here. You have me.” He deliberately tightened his legs a little more to allow Khan a touch more grip to thrust through. “I want to see you spill through my legs, to see how virile my lion is. I know what a lot it felt like inside me, but I bet it’s even more than that.” 

"Yes, Jim... yes." Khan had to rein back, tuck his face against Jim's neck, bathe it with obsessive kisses. His body shuddered several times, but it was just a precursor of what was to come. The arm around Jim's chest tightened, holding Jim with an obvious show of strength. With one arm, Khan could likely break every one of Jim's ribs, even crush his spine. But his strength was not used in this way, not with Jim. It was protective, like a shield, but better.

"Ah-" Khan growled softly against Jim's shoulder before he gasped in relief. The pleasure of slipping through Jim's warm, lubed thighs had coaxed yet another orgasm out of the augment. But this time, the results of which were much for visible for Jim to see. Because when the augment came, it wasn't just a quick hot shot, or a little dribble, it was copious, and completely inhuman. His seed oozed out between Jim's thighs, dripping warm down his skin and making a complete mess of Jim and his bed.

“Fuck, you delicious showoff,” Jim purred, half- delirious from just watching how more and more seemed to erupt from Khan and spill between his thighs and on to the bed. And the poor bed was a complete disaster by now, the sheets joining the blankets in utter mess. He deliberately reached down and gripped the base of his cock, tight, to try and prevent himself from bursting himself right that second. His head spun a little from the wave of pressure that tried to erupt anyway, but he kept hold of his orgasm with hand and experience. “Could you come again, Noonien? Is that possible?”

"Yes, Jim ... do you want that? Tell me," Khan said; his voice was low, balanced somewhere between a growl and a groan. His fingers dug into Jim now, across his chest and over his hip, keeping the pressure, the intense feeling as he thrust through his spunk, slick against Jim's body. Any human that had lost that much fluid would need hydration after such a display, let alone more than one. But with Jim's prompting, Khan could manage another. The way Jim spoke in bed was beautiful and erotic, and stroked that augment just the right way. 

“Let me face you this time?” Jim asked. “Easier to kiss you that way. Let you look into my face when I finally can’t hold back anymore and then I can see what you look like the next time you come, too. Be a fucking amazing way to finish. Perfect.” He looked enticingly at Khan, eyes big and blue and hopeful. 

He reached down and scooped up some of the release, before sucking it into his mouth. He made a display out of enjoying the action, lips eagerly closing so his tongue could clean off every bit. It distracted him from his own need for orgasm, so he could back off from it again. And it allowed him to demonstrate to Khan just how very amazing he found his lover’s sexual prowess. His stud stallion…

Khan just stared at Jim, eyes wide and fixated on the act as Jim sucked off his own finger. Of course, they had tasted, and swallowed each other down before, but this was somehow ... it was different. And good. Jim didn't have to do that. "Yes, Jim," Khan said, breaking his hold from around Jim's chest, though instead of simply surrendering him, Khan kept his hands on his lover, helping him to turn in bed so that they were facing one another. But instead of slipping back into position, Khan suddenly kissed Jim on the mouth, sucking on his lips and his tongue, sharing the taste of himself there. 

Jim wrapped his arms around Khan’s shoulders and gave himself completely to the kiss. He rutted lightly against Khan’s strong body, though he refused to get carried away. He had one more release in him and didn’t want to use it too quickly. But the kiss was spectacular, and Jim let it pause long enough only for a sip of air, before sealing their mouths again. He softened his approach to welcome Khan’s tongue inside and encourage another thorough exploration. Each kiss felt new, a totally different experience every time, electric and exciting and almost more important than breathing. Until Jim’s head spun and his chest felt tight, and he had to pull back to pant a bit embarrassingly for oxygen. “Fuck, one day, I’m going to pass out kissing you because I’m going to forget to stop.”

Khan chuckled warmly, not taking this as a real danger. It was a flattering statement. And even if Jim did somehow pass out on him one day, Khan would easily bring him back around. Giving his lover a chance to catch his breath at any rate, Khan showered Jim's face with kisses instead. "Now that we are facing one another, do you still want me to come between your legs? Did you like how it felt?" Khan asked, one hand already reaching for Jim's hip, fingers rubbing at his back.

“I was thinking this time, we could exchange a mess between us,” Jim said, somewhat breathless still. “I know you like to mark me up and splattering my stomach and chest with your come would certainly do that.” He cupped Khan’s busy face and instigated another kiss, hungry for more of their intensity, but did not hold it quite as long this time. “And then, if you like, maybe you can take a few pictures with one of the PADDs.” His lips quirked into a wicked smile, eyes gleaming with heat. “I can pose for you. Always thought it might be fun to do a striptease for a lover...maybe some other time, huh?” He nipped at Khan’s lower lip and chewed on it, trying to make it swell a little to match his own mouth. 

Pictures. It was an intriguing idea. It was a different kind of evidence, compared to bites and bruises that would fade over time. It was lasting, for as long as Jim decided to keep them. They meant being able to look back to this exact moment, not just in memory, which might become corrupted over time, but with a physical visual aid to capture every detail. "Yes, Jim, I could do that." Khan tilted his head into the kiss, letting Jim pull at his lip. He gave a soft growl, but the pleasure and happiness in his eyes indicated that all was well. "I want your hands on me," he demanded gently, starting to rub himself in the crease between Jim's thigh and cock.

“Such a hardship,” Jim mock complained and tilted his torso up a little to allow his hands to creep between them and sweep broadly over the fine chest of his lover. He took each of the pebbled nipples, one per hand, and rolled them between thumb and forefinger. Eyes locked with Khan’s, he tried every form of tormenting pleasure the two digits could manage and that was quite a few. His lower body kept still to allow for Khan’s thrusts to meet as much skin and friction as possible. “Oh, how did I ever think you were Arctic cold?” he mused aloud. “You’re scorching. I love how I can see everything in your eyes.”

"Cold?" Khan prompted, and as if to even make a point, his breath was warm against Jim's neck, before he nibbled at his ear, gently taking the skin between his teeth. Khan was from the deserts and jungles of Earth, cold was introduced later in life, once he retreated to space. Perhaps his view on life and death was cold, but even so, it was intense, and his intensity was not cold. But he had been manufactured, engineered, perhaps that was a true source of the coldness people saw in him. There was nothing warm about being created in a sterile environment, no passion between lovers, no birth made of blood and sweat and tears.

Khan nuzzled their faces before he pressed their foreheads together, something to ground them as they rubbed. "Jim ... you are such a treat ... you are very good ..." He said, reaching down now between their bodies to wrap one hand around both their erections so that they would slide together.

“When we first met,” Jim said. “The first times I looked into your eyes, they were so cold, Noonien. Oh, they burned, but it was the ice cold of anger. And you thought so little of me, the foolish boy Captain who nearly broke his fist on your face, who launched himself into space with only you for company.” He laughed softly, no longer upset at those memories and tugged at Khan’s hair, wanting to see into his face again. Especially now that long fingers gripped him so perfectly and rubbed him against flesh equally as hard and wanting. “Let me see how different you are now, my lion. Please. I love your eyes. They’re changeable in every instance.”

Lightly closing his eyes the more Jim spoke about them, Khan pulled his head back just enough, then opened them once more, locked and focused on Jim. "My love-" Khan purred, the tone in his chest was happy and relaxed, even though every muscle in his body was tight, each moment looking for some sort of lasting relief. "Tell me what you see."

Jim framed Khan’s face in his hands and studied those eyes intently. “Pleasure- that I’ve given you. Passion- for me, for us and for how we touch. Ferocity- like you’d tear apart anyone who tried to interrupt the moment. Intelligence- you can never stop thinking, can you? There’s always planning going on, even when we’re like this. Hope- because you have a family again and we’re strengthening our bonds more everyday. Every minute.” He chuckled and kissed that perfect mouth, before settling their foreheads together. “I could have gone on for a long time. The windows to the soul, somebody said, and that’s true, when you want it to be. Sometimes, often with other people, you shutter them and don’t let anyone in, but when they’re open to me...there’s so much to you, so many layers, and you let me in. I love that. Being allowed in.”

"You see me," Khan said, very touched by this. It was important to the augment, vital, considering that he had such a difficult time seeing himself in the mirror. But for Jim to be able to see into him, to see who he really was, it was everything he wanted. Whatever he was, beneath the surface of his engineering and alternations, that being, man, lion, augment, it was visible to Jim Kirk. It touched an intellectual and emotional connection, that was just as important as a physical one. "You know me, and see me, better than anyone else, Jim." 

“And do you see me, too?” Jim asked. “I’ve been told I’m not very emotionally available before...whatever that really means. But I don’t want to be that to you.” He grinned, a touch shyly and peered into Khan’s eyes. “If you like, that is.” He forced himself to hold the gaze, knowing whatever Khan might see had been there before, but hard when he asked to have Khan look directly.

No longer attempting to get them both off, Khan slid both hands up Jim's chest, though one moved a little further up and cupped the back of his neck. "We have opposite strategies for the same purpose. I shut people out, as you have observed, I close down and become dark, so that nothing can get in. Whereas you open up the floodgates, and let it all pour out, overwhelming others with light, your winning smile and cheerful attitude, offering excessive information ... all for the same result. So that no one sees the real you. I do not know, if I have seen all of you, Jim...I think there are still parts that are hidden from me, but I will see them, when you are ready.

"For now, I see the wounded child, the survivor. A man seeking pleasure, to make up for all the misery he has felt. I see the brilliant mind, that tests and teases others, to see where you can fit them into your life, to your family. Dedication, to the job, to others ... to anything but yourself. There is also kindness, and patience ... there is so much to you, Jim Kirk." Khan made a show of being the first to blink, slowly closing his eyes to give Jim a rest from the piercing observations. 

“Yeah, never let anyone see anything you don’t want them to,” Jim whispered and kissed Khan’s forehead in thanks for giving him a break. “That became my strategy from an early age. Being a jackass was a good defense. But it didn’t get me anywhere with life.” He blew out a low breath.

“There are things I haven’t told anyone,” he confessed and shut his own eyes on hard memories. “And things I’ve told you that I never told anyone else. About my family. The way I lived after I ran away. Fighting. Fucking. Being completely irresponsible and getting arrested.” He snorted once at himself. “Being a genius and hiding it for almost all my life. Only genius level offender in Iowa.” The last he said a near-whisper.

"You will show me what you want, when you are ready." Khan repeated, tucking his face close to Jim's neck to be non-threatening. He was bowing himself into his lower, so that Jim had at least a small sense of the upper hand. The augment knew there were vulnerabilities in Jim that he was not yet ready to share, to let anyone see, he understood this, and would protect him and his right to this privacy. 

“Some things...some things I don’t know if I can ever tell, Noonien,” Jim confessed softly. “Well, one thing. The worst thing.” He shivered, all thoughts of arousal far away in the moment, but something more intimate in its place. Khan cared for him, not just for his body or even for his mind, but all of him. He’d never known that before, but it felt good, better than almost anything. Even that moment when he’d been given the Enterprise by Starfleet and felt the regard of his fellows. “But if I ever tell anyone...it’ll be you.”

"You don't owe me anything, there's no need to make me promises. But I will always listen, Jim. In however you wish to speak to me. In anything you choose to say." Weather is was as direct as words, or a glance, or a touch, Khan was always listening. Resting his head on Jim's shoulder, Khan slowly wrapped his arms around his body, hugging their chests together. "For now, I have you in my arms." He said, wanting to point this out, to make Jim cognitively and physically aware that Khan was with him, and that they were safe. 

“Not just in your arms,” Jim admitted softly and settled himself even more comfortably into his lover. “I didn’t mean to get so serious on you. Fuck, I’m all about ruining my rep right now.” He laughed a little, genuine amusement at the changes to him, but happiness as well. Despite all of his quips at Bones’ advice of the past seven years, he knew that the doctor was right about his need to let someone in and start taking things seriously on more personal basis. But despite growing up in other ways, Jim hadn’t been ready about intimacy until now. Until Khan.

"It is not meant to sound morbid-" Khan said, not wishing to be regarded poorly for what he was about to say. "But I am still quite happy, Jim. Very content." He said, meaning that even with the sour turn in the conversation, Khan was still happy to have Jim in his arms and to be laying with him in bed together. Khan sighed, slowly releasing a breath from his chest as he settled himself against Jim, completely immobile. "Will you pet my hair like this?" He asked, trying to give Jim some small sense of direction in moving forward. 

“Nothing morbid in that, Noonien,” Jim assured and did not use just one hand for the petting, but both, fingers skilled. “Like this?” he asked, careful to get his entire head and all that thick hair. “Do you intend to keep growing your hair out? How long do you want it?” He transferred one hand to rub the nape of Khan’s neck tenderly. “I think you’d look most striking with it long and well down your back. And think how much fun we could have with it.”

"Yes, Jim. Lovely." Khan hummed, nuzzling his face in close affectionately, but not to start anything fresh. "I would like to grow it, as long as I can." Flowing hair was part of his identity long ago that he had not been ready to let go of, but had been forcibly taken with Admiral Marcus's makeover. "Tell me, what would you do with it? Would you sit with me, and brush it between your fingers while we watch movies? Would you pull it, in bed? Would you help me tie it back for formal occasions?" 

“Fuck yeah, all of those things,” Jim replied eagerly. “I’d run it all over my body, too, or ask you to do that. Or stroke my cock with it...if you didn’t mind. And I’d definitely want to brush it...with an actual brush. Until it gleamed. And then mess it up later, just for the fun of it. How long did it use to be?” He put a hand right above Khan’s ass. “Here? Cause I want it down to there.”

Khan smiled against Jim's shoulder, "Nearly that long, when it was down. But I mostly wore it up." Many ancient Earth cultures had assorted rituals when it came to body hair, for men or women. How it was to be worn, or cut. Covered. Or who was allowed to see it, or touch it. Jim Kirk would be the only one allowed this intimacy, of touching Khan's hair, but in the end, Khan was still doing it for himself. 

“How did you wear it up, Noonien?” Jim asked, playing with the strands now. “Do you think I’d look good with long hair.” He paused, picturing it, and then laughed at the image. “Nah. I don’t think it’d suit me very well. I’ll leave it up to you. Besides, Starfleet regulations are a little stupid about things like that...just like those damn hats they make us wear with the grays. I have no idea what the fuck is up with those things.”

Yes, Khan was less than impressed by the Starfleet issued gender roles of personal grooming and uniforms. It was hardly forward thinking, but Khan kept his complaints about Starfleet to himself. "On occasion I had it tied back in a braid. But for the most part, I wore it up, in a headscarf or a turban, as suiting the traditions of the region." Which meant, that even though he had lots of hair back then, it had been kept covered as part of his image. 

Jim tilted his head and considered Khan for a moment, before smiling and nodding. “With a completely traditional outfit...you’d be the handsomest man I’ve ever seen. Total rock that.” He kissed him very softly and then asked, “What would you see me dressed up in, Noonien? Is there some sort of traditional outfit for your consort?” His busy brain was already planning some roleplaying, something that could recreate some of the more fond parts of Khan’s history. Or at least how it might have been, had Jim been there for him then.

Khan shook his head as he repeated back. "Consort?" He pet one hand lightly down Jim's back as he explained, "You must think I am thousands of years old, not mere hundreds. In my day, the idea of consorts and companions had been reduced to media archetypes. If people took lovers, they were often of the same social standing, no different attire required ... you are thinking of a time, when men still kept slaves." He said, keeping the subject of human history factual. "When men held other men as property, and did what they liked with them. Is that what you mean, what would you wear then?"

“Er, well, I wouldn’t be against it sometime, I have to confess,” Jim said with a slightly cheeky grin. “But uh, well, I was looking for the right word for your male partner. I mean you were the Emperor. I don’t think I would have been a co-Emperor. And definitely not an Empress. So, I thought consort might be a nice term. But no, huh? So, what would you have called me than? And how would you liked me to have dressed?” He rubbed their noses together playfully, still grinning to himself about Khan’s response to the word ‘consort.’

"Ah- to play roles, you mean." It had taken an extra moment, but Khan now understood Jim's meaning. "Yes, Jim, you may be my consort." Khan accepted the term now, petting a hand over Jim's collarbone as he spoke. "You would be bound in service to me, alone. You would wear a large gold necklace to indicate your rank to others. You would be dressed in cream and gold, to look like a prince, always ready for my bedchamber." Khan said with a little hum, seeing if this was the sort of notion that appealed to Jim. "You would travel with me as my constant companion, soothe my nerves after a long day." Khan finally listed his gaze from where his hand had been on Jim's chest, "Is this a game you would like to play?"

Jim’s eyes narrowed into little slits, heat gleaning from the bit that was visible. “Fuck, yes. I would have so much fucking fun playing that. You’d keep me in gold, hmmm?” He put his hand over Khan’s and tangled their fingers. “Would my appearance have been unusual where you were, Noonien? Would I have been something exotic back then? Or am I still making you out to be too old?” He laughed softly and leaned in to kiss Khan’s face, over the sharp curve of cheekbones.

"Westerners were common tourists for a time, however, when the war was at its height, you would have been a rare sight." Khan explained, letting himself be kissed this time. "Perhaps..." Khan began, thinking out a way they could play like this, "on a day that you are off duty, you should come into my room and wake me, your Emperor, up for the day. Attend to my morning routine. Perhaps ensure that your mouth is already well placed, as I wake up."

“And you can dutifully pretend to be asleep,” Jim said with a light laugh, but his eyes were still very heated with the notion. “My mouth is very skilled...all over.” He slid his hands over Khan’s chest and locked around his neck. “The question will be more, which well-placed area will it be?” He ground against Khan again, libido reactivated by their new discussion. “You can have now what you refused yourself then, lover.”

"Yes, perhaps I can." Khan said softly, enjoying the look in Jim's eyes and the way he clung around his neck and shoulders. "Tell me-" He said, his tone warm, but with a touch of command, "How you would serve your Emperor. Tell me, consort," he said, as his own hands drifted down Jim's back and settled across his tailbone so that they remained pressed together in this embrace.

“Oh, how wouldn’t I?” Jim asked with a light purr. “The Emperor has to spend all his time being strong and above everyone, untouchable and distant. But not with his consort. I remind him that he is human, that his needs deserve attention and care, too. I look after his meals and his bath and his comfort. I give massages and an ear for all his troubles, so that he might speak freely without fear of betrayal. I love to brush his hair and fix it for his day. And I give my body, as well. But not because I must, but because I wish. I offer all of my knowledge on how to please, wherever and however my Emperor does wish...and need. Would that suit?” 

"Lovely. That sounds like a perfect arrangement," Khan said as he started to use his middle and pointer finger on both his left and right hands to massage on either side of Jim's spine, slowly working up a few inches, then back down, easing the tight muscles of his lower back. Khan let their lips gently brush before he asked for a kiss, slow and thoughtful. "You would be treated well, with care and respect. My companion." 

“And would you allow yourself to value my mind, as well as my body, Emperor?” Jim asked, a lilt of tease in his voice. “I may not be an augment, but I am still rather...clever.” He deepened the kiss and grasped head and hair in one hand to keep their mouths close. Breath really was overrated in comparison, and Jim did forget all about it this time.

"Yes, I would listen to your words of comfort. Your ideas. Your dreams. Our connection would not be one-sided, nor would our conversations. I do not want a mindless consort, but a true companion," Khan said and then kissed him again, sucking at his tongue.

Jim allowed dark spots before his eyes and then finally parted their mouths for deep gulps of air. “Oh, we’re going to have so much fun,” he said with pure delight. “You and I, Noonien. All that lost time for you to make up, and all the learning we can both do together. It’s going to be epic.” He laughed when he had the lung capacity again and touched their foreheads together. “I’m sure you’ve got a few fantasies we can explore, too. You might not have been exploring on your own, but you’re too worldly not to have picked up a few ideas. And all of this modern universe...some of that must have touched off your pretty extensive curiosity, too. I’m not someone who’ll back away from new ideas...they’re just so many challenges to me. I seldom duck a challenge.”

"Well-" Khan lifted one hand to cup the side of Jim's face, thumbing over his lips as they took a break from kissing. "Perhaps as a challenge, you might consider making me one of your conquests." He said, admitting to one of the fantasies that he had already begun to mix around in his head. Though by mentioning it, he hoped that Jim would help him develop it further. "What do you think?"

Jim raised his eyebrows and then licked his lips. “Oh. That would be so much fun. Could we use an actual bar for that one? I could show you all my wicked moves. Course, knowing you, you’ll smack me down just to do it, but I’m a resilient sort. We can even get in some dancing. I’ve fucking missed that. The beat. The heat. A bunch of sweaty, hormone ridden bodies all packed into a too small dancefloor. And we can be a part of them, but with eyes and hands for nothing but each other.” He turned his head to catch Khan’s thumb for a brief nip. “Yeah, I can do that.”

"Yes, if you like." Khan pet his finger over Jim's lips once more, even after the attempt that was made to bite it. "I would like to hear more of your ideas, Jim. Though for now, we have been laying here for several hours now, I believe it is time for us to wash and eat, and you can tell me more." He said, letting his hand fall away, sliding down his arm and then across his chest as if making sure no new bruises had formed in the meantime. 

“Aw, man, why did you have to bring reality back up?” Jim complained. “Here I have a feast of a beautiful man spread out in my bed, talking dirty fantasies with me and then he has to go and bring up responsibility and washing and crap.” He bit Khan’s lower lip, though not too hard, in retribution. “Fine. We can waste some of my water credits and have fun, if we really have to bathe now.”

Khan frowned at the scolding. "We do not have to waste you water credits. The refresher will be satisfactory. Then we can talk more. I simply wish to be clean," he said, never before considering that he might need Jim's permission for this. 

Jim tilted his head and looked at Khan, before his expression turned a little chagrinned. “Aw, don’t give me that face. I’m sorry. I was only kidding, Noonien. And it won’t be a waste. It’ll be nice.” He leaned in to kiss him an apology. “You’re still not used to me and kidding, huh? Well, I’m trying to make it more obvious.” He slid away from Khan and put his feet on the floor, straightening up and wishing that he’d managed to get that other orgasm before everything had gone so serious. He’d probably need to rub one out later...when Khan didn’t know. “I’ll wash your back.”

Khan remained in bed a moment, watching Jim carefully to ensure that he was moving alright before he too moved out of bed. He did understand Jim's teasing for the most part, but sometimes it was still completely misunderstood. Reaching for the discarded towel he had worn around his hips, Khan wiped parts of himself off that were still sticky, before tossing the towel to the floor at the end of the bed. "How do you feel?" He asked, following after Jim into the bathroom. 

Jim stretched tall and gave a low, satisfied groan. “Like I just had some amazing sex with someone I care about after a very long dry spell...so, pretty damn good.” He turned on the water and set it to a temperature he liked. “See how you like the water. I can go a little hotter, if you want, but not too much.” He turned toward Khan and stepped into the shower, waiting for his lover to join him and looking very inviting indeed.

Reaching his hand out, Khan let the water slip between his fingers. "Hotter, if you can manage it." He said, stepping in the shower area after Jim. It wasn't built for two, but it supported both their bodies anyway. To conserve water, the crew aboard the Enterprise should be bathing in pairs anyway, but it was perhaps too much to ask for. Communal showers were more the standard for those living in prisons or who were soldiers in the field, not scientists in space.

"Shall I help you wash?"

“Not going to say no to that offer,” Jim said and stepped into Khan, lifting his face for a brief kiss. “I’ve got soap-on-a-rope for the special occasion where I don’t use the crappy sonics. Don’t laugh, they’re amazing. A friend introduced me to them, back on Earth, and I brought a crap-ton to make sure I don’t run out.” He reached behind them to a soap dangling off of a real hemp rope. “This one is sandalwood. Nice and manly enough even for a former Emperor.” He lifted it up to let Khan test the scent and make sure he was alright with the choice.

Khan didn't laugh. He smiled. It was such a treat, to sometimes experience things as they once were. Old fashioned. Without sonic cleaning. Electricity or sterilization. To breathe fresh, not recirculated air. To eat fresh, not synthesized foods. To wash manually with water, rather then have dead cells simply baked off the skin. "Wonderful," he said, beginning a lather in the palm of his hands, up to his wrists and forearms, before transferring that lather onto Jim's body. 

“Mmm, wonderful doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Jim sighed and leaned into the touch overtly. “Only thing better than using water and washing with real soap...sharing the experience. Do I get my hair done, too? Please say yes, cause I totally want to just lust over your hair while I wash it in return. And fingers in my scalp make me very, very happy. All over. It’s pretty pathetic.”

"Yes, Jim, you get the full treatment," Khan assured. But to start, he was working a mix of washing and using the lather to massage Jim from head to toe, starting with the back of his neck and shoulders. "Turn, please," he requested, turning the flat of his hands inwards into a light fist, using his knuckles to scrub Jim under his arms and down his sides. 

Jim turned and presented himself to Khan, eyes closing in pleasure, as he let out a low groan. “Fuck. Can you be my consort sometimes, too?” He cracked open one eye to glance at Khan to make sure the augment didn’t mind the question. “I would treat you right, too. Scout’s honor. Though that’s maybe not a good one for me...Captain’s honor.” He grinned at Khan, bright and easy and real.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, accepting the idea easily. After a lick of his lips, Khan leaned in as well to whisper additional thoughts. "Would I be your consort, though? I am after all a rare species. Exotic, even. Or your captive? Perhaps it is the right and privilege for a Captain to have an augment in their personal service." Carefully, Khan began to wash the mess he had left between Jim's legs, using his hand to cup the water to help wash his skin clean. "What do you think?"

“I don’t believe I’d like it if you weren’t a willing consort,” Jim breathed and kissed him, “but I could see you as a very precious companion indeed. But if you want to play that, if that would be fun for you, good for you, than yes, yes, yes. Anything, Khan. Anything that won’t hurt either of us, I’m willing to try. There are all these pictures in the Kama Sutra, and I bet you’re flexible enough for all of them.” He laughed softly and shifted his legs to encourage Khan to his center, where he was standing up and taking notice again. “It’ll all be amazing.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan kissed a patch of freshly cleaned skin on Jim's shoulder while his hand dropped down to lather the soft hairs around Jim's balls and the base of his penis with soap. His fingers were gentle here, scrubbing with only the pads of his fingers, rubbing and stroking to wash him clean. "I like this idea, that we can play together ..." His thoughts trailed off as he closed his eyes, letting some of the water rinse across his own face.

“We can play other things, too. Strip chess comes to mind. I bet you’re a wicked good chess player,” Jim whispered around soft, contented moans at the way Khan touched him. He dropped a hand down there himself and began to stroke with more intent, letting Khan feel him. “May I rub against you like the pathetically horny creature I am until I come?”

Feeling that Jim wanted to handle things himself, Khan let his hand drift away, settling on the side of his thigh instead. Looking down casually, he gave a small nod. "Would you like me to turn around? You could rub and come against my backside. Would that help?" He asked, already beginning to turn his own body in the small shower area, hands moving to the walls so that the shower water began to run down the length of his back and drip down the back of his legs.

“Help?” Jim asked, voice low and filled with grit. “That’d be awesome. Can I touch you at the same time?” He kissed the nape of Khan’s neck and then mouthed at it, teeth scraping lightly over the top knob of spine. “Take your lovely cock in my hand after I get a nice lather going and then jerk you off until you come all over the tiles. Please. I think I’ll probably be gnawing on your shoulder the whole time, too, just so I don’t give a running monologue. Unless you want one. I could do that.”

"I do enjoy how easily dirty talk comes to you ... but I also enjoy your mouth, your teeth ..." Khan said, tipping his head forward so that the vertebrae between his shoulders and neck became more visible. Then surrendering his hands to the tile wall and even parting his feet a little on the floor, Khan offered himself up to Jim and his needs. "Please, Jim...I am yours to touch, to bite...my Captain, I am yours."

Jim had to grip himself tightly not to just spill right there, ‘cause Khan was bad for his control sometimes. But there was something so intense about being told you owned a superman by the superman himself. Not that Jim really believe it. It was the thought that counted...as far as his balls were concerned, anyway.

“Fucking hell, Noonien,” he whispered, hearing how wasted his voice was. “You shouldn’t say things like that. I like them WAY too much for my health.” He scraped his teeth more forcefully over the bump of spine and reached for the soap to make a nice slick place between the long, spread legs to thrust between. “I’m yours, too.”

Groaning softly against the tile wall, Khan turned his head a little to look over his shoulder, to watch Jim. A visible shiver twisted across his shoulders and down his back when Jim bit him, and he felt himself begin to grow hard against the wall. "And what if I want to say things like that, Captain? What if I want to be yours." He said, then slumped his head again with another low groan as he felt Jim begin to lather him up.

“Than I guess I’m going to just have to endure,” Jim said with a light laugh and slid his cock into the warm, now smooth glide between Khan’s legs. “I’m glad you want to be mine because I want that, too. Fact is, I think we should be each others. What do you say?” He picked up a slow, easy pace, rubbing Khan’s strong torso while he did and spreading the remains of the soap around. “I’m only taking yes as an answer.” He bit down sharply on Khan’s left earlobe.

With his chest and the side of his face pressed against the wall, Khan arched his back instinctively, stretching out before Jim, to be touched and consumed by him. Khan gasped softly, excited by the way Jim was handling him. "Yes, Captain. The answer is yes." He purred, eyes closing as he felt another shiver race down his spine. His fingertips twitched against the wall, before he slid his palms up the wet surface so that his arms and hands were over his head. 

Jim noted that with great pleasure and slid a hand down Khan’s six pack, stopping just above his sex. He played instead with the dark curls of hair all around, tugging and tormenting them and the sensitive skin just above. Meanwhile, his mouth meandered up and down Khan’s neck, leaving small bite marks everywhere. He finally bit down hard on the junction of neck and shoulder and sucked to try and draw up a mark. However temporary.

"Yes, Captain." Khan gasped, slightly rolling and bucking his hips, pushing back against the thrusts, but also seeking more touches from Jim's hand. "Ah- yours ..." he groaned against the wall, back arching again as he otherwise struggled to keep still under Jim's mouth. "All yours, Captain." Jim had managed to leave his mark, a few imprints of his teeth and a nice red blotch of where Jim had dranw some color out of Khan's pale skin. 

Jim inspected the mark with a small flare of satisfaction and than allowed his hand to drift a little lower and rub over the top of Khan’s lovely cock. He traced the impressive length and girth with a playful finger. “You never cease to impress me with sheer stature,” he murmured, even as he let the length of his own erection be known through a slightly harder thrust. “I’ll never get tired of that. Or cease wanting it.” He transferred his mouth to the opposite side of Khan’s neck.

This was exciting for Khan, to be the focus of Jim's pleasure without being in a position to directly give back. He wasn't the one in control of the touching or the rubbing or the biting, that was all Jim. And it was a thrilling first experience, especially to have Jim's erection slide between his legs, thrusting against him. Not only that, but the more Jim rubbed up against him, the more Khan could feel his sphincter start to relax, welcoming the implications.

Khan was quite hard now, in Jim's hand. And soon, all it would take is a command and a well placed bite for Khan to come again, just as Jim had wanted before. Sliding his hands back down the wall, Khan locked his shoulders and kept his hands planted on the wet surface as he pushed back. "Yours to want, and yours to have, Captain." Khan purred, tipping his head back for Jim to have access to his neck.

About fifty different versions of the f-word were dancing through Jim’s mind at just how good this was. He couldn’t believe how easy Khan took being essentially the more submissive partner. Very well, if the augment’s cock was any judge. Jim deliberately knuckled into the large sack between his legs, playing with that as expertly.

He wasn’t faring much better. Time was a little hazy in this pleasure ridden encounter, but he felt he might be embarrassed by how long this wasn’t going to take in other circumstances. As it was, his body was too keyed up and ready to burst for him to manage much more than a stray thought on the matter. With little direction from himself, he thrust hard and fast into the warm invitation of Khan’s thighs, working himself deliberately to climax. His hand followed the increased pace along Khan’s erection, even as he gripped tightly to the man’s hip with his other hand, probably leaving bruises on normal flesh.

“So fucking perfect,” he growled as he reached the peak. “My Noonien.” And with a cry, he clamped down on Khan’s nape with his teeth and spurted between them, thick and copious.

Khan had never been handled like this in his life, but quite liked it. A hot shiver rolled down his back, settling in his stomach for only a moment before it twisted and exploded behind his hips. His lips were parted, but no sound came out as his back lurched, coming against the wall and over Jim's helpful fingers. Even after he came, his back trembled and shivered again, still quite touchy as the last electric shocks of his orgasm worked their way threw his body. "Yes-" He finally breathed, yes, that was perfect, yes, he was Jim's. Only now did Khan reach down with one hand and began to finger the slick between his legs of where Jim had come. Jim had marked him. It was good.

Jim leaned against Khan and just tried to get some energy back into trembling limbs that wanted nothing more than to give out from under him. “Noonien,” he murmured and kissed at the mark he’d made. “Wow.” He laughed at himself for the lameness, but otherwise didn’t move. “Did you like that?” His fingers, which still very gently gripped the softening cock, twitched a little as if to test. “You seemed to like it a lot.”

"Yes-" Khan chewed at his lip as he looked down at Jim's hand. His hips had bucked at the slightest touch, still not yet down from this new high. "Yes, Jim. I enjoyed that a lot." With a breath, Khan wiped away some of the cum from his finger over his own stomach. "Did you?" He asked, turning his head to catch sight of Jim over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Jim said and pressed another kiss to his nape. “And fuck yeah. So much that I think I lost all the feeling in my feet.” He laughed softly and forced himself to step away from Khan and reach for the soap again. “Whew. My head is still spinning from how good that was. Can’t believe you let me do that.” He smiled sappily at Khan and began to lather up his hands to rewash his lover. “I may need a nap now...in fact, I’m pretty sure this time I need a nap.”

Turning slowly, Khan kept his thighs pressed mostly together, still experiencing in his own way how it felt to have Jim's cum between his legs. But he moved towards Jim again and settled hands on his body, offering a few small kisses. "Why wouldn't I let you do that? I did nearly the same thing to you in bed. I quite enjoy it, from either side," he said, reaching forward to run water over his hands, which he then used to scrub at his own chest. 

“Because I underestimated you,” Jim admitted and moved so he could kiss Khan’s cheek. “Stupid Jim.” He leaned against Khan again, arms going around him tightly, and pressed his head to Khan’s. “Never presume, right? I guess you’ve always seemed so in charge that I figured it’d be like that with sex, too.” He stroked over the firm planes of Khan’s chest with a lazy hand. “It takes a lot of courage to give up control. But I should know my lion has plenty of that.”

Khan listened quietly, just keeping his hands on Jim as he spoke. He blinked a few water droplets from his eyelashes, then leaned in to Jim as well, arms resting over Jim's shoulders, hands behind his neck in a very similar way that Jim had often draped himself over the augment. "Being in charge does come naturally to me, but exploring all aspects of intimacy with you, is what I desire. I trust you, Jim. I trust that I might be vulnerable with you, and that you are the right person to trust with that control and responsibility over me. I hope that you are able to see that in yourself."

“I won’t let you down, Noonien,” Jim assured him with more confidence than perhaps he felt, but Jim Kirk was nothing if not cocky in the face of uncertainty. When in doubt, bluff. He rubbed their noses together, before kissing Khan briefly. “And I’m always willing to show you first how good things can be, if ever you’re not sure. This intimacy thing is going to be awesome...right?” He reached out to grab some of the hairwash, not wanting to miss out on that, even if he was about ready for sleep.

Unable to cling onto the feeling any longer, Khan finally washed between his own legs, using some of the lather to clean his privates, before standing under some of the water spray to wash it all away. "Yes, Jim. I think so." He said, trying to wash himself quickly now, not wanting to waste any more of Jim's water credits, considering they had spent a few minutes letting the water go down the drain without being put to use.

Jim tangled his hands in the long luxurious hair of his lover to spread the wash and clean it thoroughly. “Do you want to wear more traditional headgear again, Noonien? As you are an informal member of the crew, you can, just like you can wear your hair long...thank fuck.” He kissed the soft spot under Khan’s right ear, just avoiding the soap. “I like it best worn loose and pulled back in a ponytail, myself. Makes you look even more like a prince of old, which you are.” He stepped back to let Khan wash out his mane.

"Yes, there might be occasions where I will wish to wear it up. But since it pleases you so much, I will wear it down and tied back." Khan said, turning his back to the shower and tipped his head back as he rinsed his hair. It was thick and even wet, it gleamed, and with a little rushing it would easily shine. 

“Mmmm, when we wake up again...or when I wake up again, as I’m sure that you’ll be awake long before me, I want to brush this hair.” Jim grabbed the conditioner and began to work it in. “If you don’t mind.” He leaned in to kiss Khan’s long neck. “My beautiful lion should have a full mane of hair.” He chuckled at his own ridiculousness and urged Khan under the spray again.

"Yes, Jim. I'd like that," Khan said with a soft hum and a little smile. He was touched and intrigued by how fixated Jim was on his hair. Khan could get very fixated on Jim's mouth or his neck, so there was no reason to think any of it was unnatural. It was flattering, really. And he was about to tell Jim that he didn't have to keep asking if Khan minded, but since Jim was so much more experienced with acts of physical love and affection, Khan appreciated being asked from time to time for permission. And while he never said no to Jim, it still allowed him the option to say no, should he encounter something he found genuinely unsettling or was uncomfortable with. 

“You may come to regret deciding to grow your hair out,” Jim said with a light laugh at himself, though Khan’s smile told him different. “I hope there’s something about me that you might get a little focused on, too,” he murmured and then washed his own hair, which took much less effort. That was the only good thing about the regulation haircut, since fussing with his own hair would just be a bore. He stepped up next to Khan and pressed close, letting the water hit them both. 

"Yes, probably more than one ..." Khan said as he wrapped his arms around Jim, so that the two of them could just lean together in the shower as the hot water ran over their bodies. It was relaxing and warm, but they could do with a rest for certain now. "Would you like to come back to my room, to sleep? Since I have made a mess of your bed. It may not feel very nice to sleep in, after we just showered."

“Mmm, yes, let’s do that,” Jim said and rubbed against Khan in a motion meant to be intimate, more than arousing. “You want me to be little spoon?” He dropped his head on Khan’s shoulder and angled it to press his nose into the warmth of Khan’s neck. There, he lightly explored the warm, soft flesh for a moment, before sighing. “Let’s go get dry and then get some sleep.”

"Anything you wish." Khan said, giving Jim one last scrub with his knuckles down his back. Then turning off the water, Khan pulled away so that they could both dry off and get dressed. Since Khan's clothing had been unspoiled, and it was not a far walk to his room, the augment got dressed in the clothes he had been wearing earlier, smirking at the sight of the messed up bed out of the corner of his eye. 

Jim caught the smirk and looked over the wreck they’d made, as well. “Help me strip it, at least, so poor Rand doesn’t have to do that?” He pulled on a soft pair of sleep pants and tied them off, but they rested low on his hips, which in combination with his messy, wet hair, made him look very young indeed. Almost cradle-robbing. But the eyes he threw over his shoulder at Khan as he began to remove the soiled bedclothes were pure wicked. “I’m surprised they’re not more torn than they are.”

Khan helped Jim with the bedding, stripping down all the layers, including the pillowcases and tossed them in a messy pile on the floor at the foot of the bed. He shook his head at the comment, but neither suggested they be more careful next time, nor imply that they could go out of their way to be more destructive next time. Things would play out naturally, in Khan's opinion. But Khan did come up behind Jim and hug him abruptly, pressing his face into his slightly damp hair. Khan hugged him like this, but knew he couldn't settle just yet. "Come along, Jim. Come to bed," he said, kissing the back of his head before taking him by the hand. 

Jim grumbled a little at being denied the chance to settle into the hug, but gamely took Khan’s hand. “Yes, let’s go to bed for some rest...for a change.” He followed after Khan contentedly enough, never having felt any shame about any of his sexual encounters and definitely not starting now when he was serious about someone. They could march all over the whole Enterprise as they were, and Jim would blithely greet every crewmember as if this was an occurrence not out of the ordinary. As he hoped it would be someday soon.

Taking Jim just down the hall to his own room, Khan sealed the door behind them, but did not let go of Jim's hand. Instead, he lead the younger man to his private bed, blankets still crisp and folded in place. "What side do you prefer?" He asked, letting go of his hand now, but only because he wanted to peel back the covers for them both. "Do you have a preference?" 

“Let me find my place?” Jim asked with a big grin and sleepy eyes at Khan and climbed right into the bed. He wiggled around a little bit and then found his place on the right side, facing away from the bed and toward the wall. “This alright?” he asked with a long yawn. He wanted Khan curled around him for a little bit of cuddling before he inevitably drifted off.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said as he pulled off a few of the extra layers he had worn, just to return to his room. Then slipping into bed next to his lover, skin still pleasantly warm from the shower, Khan wrapped his arms around Jim and held him from behind. He preferred this position, closer to the door, it implied that Khan would keep himself between Jim and any incoming threat. He would protect him, even when they were both at rest. "Good?"

“The best, Noonien,” Jim murmured and settled into his lover in a boneless sprawl, eyes shutting contentedly. He searched to find one of Khan’s hands and tangled their fingers. “This is just as nice as the sex.” His voice slurred already, as sleep snuck up on him, and there was more emotion in it than normal. “You’re so warm.” He tucked himself a little closer and placed their hands just over his groin, before he let go, as if asking Khan to protect even his virtue (such as it was). “Mmmkay.”

Khan nodded and kissed the back of Jim's head as he interpreted the meaning of the gesture. Yes, he would look after Jim. Ensure that nothing bad happened to him in his sleep. That holding him like this, not just the placement of his hand, but in bed together, that was intimacy. "Love you, Jim." Khan whispered, closing his eyes as kept himself pressed close, their bodies pleasantly warm and joined together in peace.


	10. Miscommunication

Jim loved the rewards of a mission gone right (in this case, getting the amazingly giraffe-like Loridians to sign a treaty making them newly minted members of the Federation) and squeezed Khan’s hand as they walked through the peaceful, coniferous forest that sprawled for miles in all directions from the main palace grounds. “Just a few more minutes,” he said. “I think even I can smell the water in the air now. And the roar is definitely louder. I hope I can still hear you when we get there.” He looked at their surroundings, listening to the unfamiliar calls of this newly discovered night. “It’s hard to believe places can be so different and yet, so familiar at the same time. I’d swear these were just undersized pines.” He touched the bark of one, already aware of which were Jim-safe.

"Life finds a way." Khan said pleasantly, enjoying the chance to explore the planet a little bit with Jim, unsupervised from the native inhabitants. "Nitrogen. Carbon. Hydrogen. Oxygen. All the compounds that trigger life might be scattered across the universe in different quantities, but still the most efficient forms evolve over time. Trees are shaped like trees, rather than like rocks. Species develop vocal cords to communicate with one another...except in the case of those who have evolved further, or are telepathic based civilizations, but you understanding my meaning."

Jim veered back to lightly bump into his lover and smiled at him with bright eyes. “And that’s why exploration is so amazing. No matter how far we go from Earth itself, there are traces of home everywhere. Which is why space is home to me. Well, that, the Enterprise, her crew...and you. A lot of it is you.”

They walked out on to a flat slope, where the trees cleared a little. In front of them stretched a vista of more trees as far as their eyes could see, a large, fast-flowing river toward the front of the viewscape and to top it off, a waterfall that plummeted from a cliff directly across the way into a plunge pool 500 feet below. And from where they were, a perfect place to spread out blanket and basket and enjoy the view and each other.

“I don’t think I could have dreamed up a better spot,” Jim said with a half-dreamy expression. “What a place.”

"It reminds me of Earth's Jurassic Period ... not that I was alive then." Khan said with a little smirk, the fact that he was a man out of his timeline a recurring joke between them. "This is quite amazing," he said, taking a full deep breath, always feeling the benefit of fresh air or sunlight. Khan surrendered his hand to a nearby fern that had unfolded its leaves to reach out to him, seeking to collect moisture off the animal that was passing by (in this case, Jim and Khan). "No, nothing for you my friend," he said, watching the planet briefly explore the skin of his wrist before retracting and settling once more to await for another animal to pass.

“That’s kind of awesome, in a slightly creepy way,” Jim said and spread out the blanket he had been carrying, right over a spot where it looked like the plants were already a bit disturbed. “I don’t think we’re the first out here by a long shot, but the Empress promised me that we’d have the area undisturbed tonight.” He flashed Noonien a simpering look. “I may have more than implied that I had a special someone I wanted to share it with. The Loridians are very romantic, it seems. I caught a glimpse of some of their poetry...it was more than a little flowery for my tastes.” His nose wrinkled, even as he set up their own romantic getaway. “Hand over the basket?”

"The Empress?" Khan reflected softly as he handed Jim the picnic basket. For a moment Khan just stood there, a conversation pressed to the tip of his tongue, but not yet released from his lips. Then kneeling down on the blanket Jim had set out for them, Khan looked up at his lover, his expression still thoughtful, but whatever it was that weighed on his mind, remained unspoken. "Thank you for arranging this, Jim. It is refreshing to join you on away missions." 

“She’s something else,” Jim said with a low laugh. “Fifteen feet tall, I kid you not. I felt like a midget talking to her. But her neck just bends low to let her talk to us. But you know all that...you met a few of them. Some of the nicest people we could hope to find. Thank fuck.” 

He opened the basket and began to remove the goods, all kinds of delicious, Jim-safe treats. “I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile. I’m just glad the opportunity came up. Also, I’m starving. I hope you don’t mind if we just dig in.” He handed Khan a canteen of water. “Some for your friend over there.”

"I don't mind." Khan said, accepting the canteen. Though he knew he could as easily pour some of the water over the fern to simulate rainfall, the plant had not evolved to reach out to passing life forms just for the moisture. They were looking for salt or dead cells, even pests on the skin or fur of passing animals, as the leave absorbed all levels of these nutrients, not just the water. So Khan poured a little water over his hand and wrist, then offered it back to the plant, which reached out to him again. This time however, the small leaves quickly began to pet at Khan's skin, drawing away the moisture and dead cells of his skin until it seemed satisfied that it had collected all it could. "There, making friends," he said and then took a sip of water for himself before setting the canteen aside on the blanket. 

“You’ve gotten good at that, Noonien,” Jim said with very clear pride and began to assemble a sandwich for himself, starting with a heaping of mayonnaise (as close as they could get, anyway). “Bones says you’ve developed an excellent bedside manner. Not that I’m at all surprised-” his smile flashed a little evil around the edges “-knowing your bedside manner the way I do. You’re going to break a few hearts once you decide on a single department to settle on...not that you have to choose just one.” He sprawled out on the blanket and toed off his boots and socks, wiggling his bare feet in the warm night air. “Want to sleep out here?” 

"Thank you, Jim." It was nice to hear that Jim was proud of him. He was settling in well to both engineering and medical. And even socialized, a little, outside of work. Every two weeks, Khan and Sulu would spend two hours in the gym, sparring together, training on different techniques. Also on the rare occasion that Khan could not take a meal with Jim due to an abrupt change in his schedule, Khan and Scotty would share a table, eat and drink together. And while Khan did not socialize with McCoy outside of work, he and the doctor did have thoughtful discussions almost daily. Yes, Khan was making friends. His company was desired, not shunned. It was a very meaningful turn for the augment.

Settling on his side, Khan picked through the basket and began to eat a sort of dumpling, with native beans and roots baked inside. It was meant to be eaten with a sauce, but Khan had preferred to eat them 'bland' or bland at least to cultural traditions. To him, they held enough flavour to fill his mouth for hours. "Yes, Jim. I think it would be amazing to sleep here tonight ... it is the perfect view."

“And the perfect company?” Jim asked with a light tease. “I know it is for me.” He dug a jug out of the basket and hummed thoughtfully at it. “Scotty’s latest attempt at beer. I’m a little terrified.” He rummaged around for a glass and then poured himself a small portion. “Skoll!” He saluted Khan and tossed it back, before bursting into a coughing jag that left him in tears. 

“Holy fucking hell!” he yelled when he could breathe again without his sinuses burning out. “That’s supposed to be beer, not rubbing alcohol. I am taking away his still.” He continued to cough, face tucked into an elbow.

"Yes, Jim. And the perfect company." Khan however just laughed at Jim, taking another small drink of water before passing the canteen to Jim so that he might salvage some of his taste buds. Sitting up, so that his legs were stretched out in front of him, Khan pulled up one knee and leaned against it as he watched Jim, not yet worried for his coughing fit. "Jim-?"

“Okay, definitely a no on that one,” Jim gasped out and took a long sip of water. “I don’t know what that is, but it’s not the beer we were promised, Noonien.” He wiped tears from his eyes as he set the jug well aside. “I’m glad I brought backup.” He pulled out a bottle of wine and handed it to Khan to look over. “Something old that my family had bottled up on the farm for the last hundred years.” He eased himself back into a sitting posture and drank some more water. “What do you think? Shall we give that a try instead?”

Khan examined the bottle with genuine surprise. A bottle of wine from Earth, well over a hundred years old, from Kirk's own family no less. "Jim ... you brought this with you ... all the way out here?" Khan handled the bottle with care, even to go so far as to make sure his hands did not warm it up by holding it for too long. "Was this meant for a special occasion?" He asked, thumbing the neck of the bottle, hesitant to open it. 

“I brought a couple with me from the Kirk family cellar,” Jim said. “It’s only mom and I now who have any right to them...and I don’t figure she’ll go anywhere near the place. She hates it more than I do.” He made a slight cough to remind himself to get off that topic. “So, yeah, I thought I’d use them for special occasions. And this is one to me. We’ve been together for over six Terran months, Noonien. And I’m fucking happy. So, yeah, that’s a huge deal. And totally wine worthy...don’t you think?”

"Yes ... definitely." Six months? Khan hadn't realized. His concept of time was often askew, but he agreed, that was a worthy achievement. Uncorking the bottle, Khan set it aside a moment to breathe in the stopper. After a deep breath, he nearly groaned. It smelled like Earth. Even though they were currently surrounded by lush life, the soil, the planets, they didn't smell the same. "We should pour a little, then let it breathe a moment. But I look forward to sharing the wine with you, Jim. Thank you."

“Let it breathe, yeah,” Jim agreed. “Guess I’m a bit out of my league when it comes to a wine like that. Never was one for the grape much. Hard liquor and beer were always more my style. Hell, I don’t even know what it was that made me wander to the cellar and get a couple of bottles. Maybe I was thinking of my dad… I don’t know.” He pulled out a couple of wine glasses and offered them to Khan. “But to do it right, I’ll leave it in your capable hands, Noonien.”

"I'm glad you did, Jim-" Khan held both wine glasses together in one hand and poured a little wine into each, just filling the bottom of the glass, then after a moment, added a little more to each, but only filling them a third of the way before setting both glasses aside. "Jim-" Khan began again. He had tried to prompt Jim earlier, but the words just hadn't come out. "Jim, I know that around this time ... after a successful mission you would normally to tucking yourself into the bed of the High Priestess, or the Empress for a few ... celebratory activities." Khan said, tucking the bottle of wine back in the basket for now, to ensure that it was not knocked over or accidently spilled. "I think, Jim- you should still celebrate ... but with me instead." 

Jim’s really glad he’s not eating or drinking anything in that moment because he would have either spit it all over himself or choked on it in his sudden fury. “What the fuck, Khan?! I mean, seriously, what the fuck!? We just got through congratulating ourselves on having a six month relationship and now you’re telling me you know normally I’d like to be fucking the Empress?! The Empress who was fifteen feet tall and a quadruped, for fuck sake, even I’m not that crazy, no matter what you’ve heard! And even if she was the most beautiful, the most curvacious, the most sensual and sexy thing in the entire fucking universe, I’d still want to be out here with you to celebrate! I thought that was the whole fucking point of this, of what we’re doing right now! What did you think it was?! Jesus fucking Christ!” He scrambled to his feet, angry and hurt and wickedly ashamed for letting himself get put in a position to get so injured.

Khan sat in silent shock as Jim unloaded his sudden anger. What he said had been incorrect? Jim was insulted? Khan stood slowly, looking at Jim but did not approach him quite yet. Jim was choosing Khan over countless casual lovers, fact. But he was upset that Khan had pointed this out. Jim was upset, because he loved Khan, but hadn't come to terms with it? This gesture, the wine, the blanket to sleep out under the stars, the privacy, it was all meant as a way to say Jim loved Khan, without actually saying it?

"Jim-?" Khan tried again. "Please don't go. I wasn't being clear. I was ... I was being cowardly about saying what I actually meant." 

Jim looked over at him, eyes wary and hurting, tongue ready to lash out if Khan in defense at the slightest provocation, but Khan looked and sounded sorry. He took a few deep breaths and said, “I’m trying so hard, Noonien. I’ve barely looked at anyone else since we got together, and I certainly haven’t fucked anyone. I wouldn’t do that to you, to us. I thought you knew that.” He forced himself to hold Khan’s gaze, not to back away from emotions, even though all of his instincts, honed over too many rough years, screamed at him to do so. Go for Khan’s jugular to end this awful moment and then retreat back behind a wall of crafted good humor, wisecracks, warm bodies and nobody getting close. It took all of his will and reserve of courage to stay. “What were you trying to say?” he asked softly, after a moment. 

"Jim ... I know you haven't ... I was attempting to say just the opposite ..." Khan said quietly, barely speaking in his defence. His face was somber, but met Jim's gaze, attempting to not withdrawal either. Fumbling over his meaning because he was nervous had already proven to be a catastrophic problem. He was all the more nervous to speak now. "Jim ..." Khan tried, then turned his eyes to the waterfall and the trees, this private, beautiful place. But it was tainted, now. Khan had ruined it. He was imperfect. With a heavy sigh, Khan met Jim's angry eyes once more. "Jim. I wanted you to make love to me."

“I- what?” Jim frowned and then approached Khan cautiously, stepping over the food and reaching out for him. “I have- I mean, I do...everytime. Since the first damn time.” He placed a hand on Khan’s right shoulder and squeezed once, while the other hand lifted to stroke Khan’s face. Anger had been replaced by confusion, worry that Khan’s doubt was caused by a fault in the way Jim had acted. “God knows, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, so maybe I haven’t been clear about it. Have I- have I been distant or something?” he asked, trying to think about their last times together, but all his recall spoke of was warmth and laughter and fun and pleasure and care.

Not understanding this line of questioning, Khan shook his head, no. But after, he leaned his face into the touch a little more, trying to hold onto the feeling that Jim still cared for him, now. "I was trying to offer myself to you, Jim. I know now, I did not do it correctly." Hesitating, Khan began to lift his hand, making his intentions clear before he rested it on Jim's chest, fingers gently twisting in the fabric of his shirt, asking for this closeness. 

Understanding lit Jim’s eyes and behind it, a rush of warmth and tenderness which swept away the anger and upset. No wonder his lion was being so unsure of himself, messing up his words. Khan was trying to offer something he’d never given before. “Oh.” He smiled and pressed their foreheads together. “Noonien.” His hands slid up to stroked through his hair. “Is that what you were trying to say?” He hiccuped a soft laugh mixed with relief. “My brave Noonien.”

Khan closed his eyes as they pressed their foreheads together. He didn't feel brave. Not at all. Jim had planned this evening, and Khan had spoiled it. "Yes, Jim." Khan remained still, his entire body locked into place, ridged with the stress of Jim's anger ,after getting it so wrong. "You won't leave, will you? We can still sit and enjoy the evening, can't we?"

Jim stepped all the way into Khan and hugged him tightly, making a deep noise of gladness. “Yes. Yes, to all of it, Noonien. I’m sorry for reacting so rashly. I just- I didn’t understand. I thought you were accusing me of wanting someone else.” He pulled back to look into Khan’s eyes. “Silly lion, can’t you tell from what an ass I am around you that I’m completely a goner for you? Fucking head-over-heels like some stupid bodice ripping romance.” He sealed their mouths gently and asked Khan if he would deepen the contact with soft flicks of his tongue.

Reassured by Jim's words and the tight embrace the younger man had on him, Khan accepted the affection now. He too kissed back gently at first, an apology on his lips before opening his mouth to the other man for a deeper kiss. Sliding both hands around Jim's middle, Khan hugged him lightly. No, he knew Jim was loyal to him. And he even knew that Jim loved him, but did not react well to a situation where he might need to say it out loud. And Khan hadn't meant to even push Jim to that point. "Yes, Jim. I know."

Jim smiled at Khan and said, “I’m glad, Noonien. I’m sorry for flying off the handle like that. I should have used my head a little better.” He squeezed gently at Khan’s nape. “Let’s sit down and continue our dinner. Please. I want to have the rest of our evening together, and we’ll see where we go. How does that sound?”

With a small nod, Khan turned his head to the side so that he could kiss Jim on the lower part of his jaw, and then again a little lower on his neck. It was an apology for upsetting Jim and not being clear with his use of language. But it was also affectionate to show he still had great affection for Jim that he still wanted to express. "Yes, Jim." Khan said, sliding his hand slowly down Jim's chest as he then sat back down on the blanket, then reached for both glasses of wine, offering one to Jim. "Here ... for us both."

Jim took a seat, as well, much closer to Noonien that he’d been the first time. He gently accepted the wine glass and lifted it in a toast to Khan. “Yes, Noonien, to us.” Lightly clinking their glasses together, he took a sip of the wine, which was lovely on his tongue. “Mmm, even I can tell that this is a good wine.” He leaned in to press his mouth to Khan’s, so they could share the flavor of each other with the wine.

Taking a sip, Khan pulled the flavor to the back of his mouth, over his entire tongue, then hummed as he offered Jim a satisfied, almost impressed look. "This is, amazing, actually." Khan said, briefly licking at his lips before sharing another small kiss with Jim. "Your family's vintage has aged well." He said, then took another sip, wanting to experience it again. 

“Well, I hope that’ll hold for me, too, should I survive to any vintage,” Jim said and leaned back into the tree behind them. He picked back up his sandwich, frowning a little at its woebegone appearance, before carefully putting it back together and taking a large bite. “Mmm, still good.” He pulled out a small, covered bowl of berries and opened it, setting them between himself and Khan. “Try some of these. They’re amazing. Apparently, the Lordidians harvest them with their hooves. I kinda wish I’d gotten to see that.”

Khan picked out a few of the berries, eating them in small couplings before tearing off a piece of bread from a fresh loaf that had been made earlier that day. "Ah, yes. I think I've seen these in the upper canopy. Quite beyond the reach of the rest of us." Khan had nearly said 'us primates' but that didn't hold true for the entire crew of the Enterprise, nor even Khan himself. Sure, Khan looked human, but his engineering had so many other amazing things spliced in, that he was genuinely a separate species. 

“I bet you could climb and pick them pretty easily,” Jim said with a smile that curled around the corner of his eyes. His insides were still not quite settled from the nasty shock of a few moments before, but he was trying to find the rhythm again, the peace they had just found in this place. “I’d like to see that, too.” He took another small sip of his wine and turned his attention back to the view. “Be fun to go hike in that. Pack a backpack full of the basics and just get lost for a week or so out there. See what you can find. Guess that’s what we do in the stars, really. Pick a star to the right and go straight on til morning.”

"You want to see my climb a tree?" Khan turned his eyes upwards, "I'll climb a tree-" He chuckled, then turned his gaze back on Jim. "Or, in place of a week long hike, we head out for a few hours, bathe at the base of that waterfall, then come back here to sleep under the stars together." He said, drinking more wine after his pallet had been cleansed by the bread. 

Jim glanced at the river down below them and looked to Khan. “You are a master planner,” he declared and rolled into his lover to brush a kiss across his mouth. 

The hike down looked to be steep, slippery and a hint on the perilous side, while the hike up would take a lot of (Jim’s) strength. It was exactly the kind of adventure that called to James Tiberius Kirk. The kind that not many of his officers (especially Bones and Spock) would indulge him in purposefully. But Khan could easily manage the terrain and had himself suggested it. 

“It’s perfect for after we’ve finished eating,” he continued, eyes lit up again. “Hopefully, the water’s warm enough to allow for a little skinny dipping.”

Khan hooked an arm loosely around Jim's back as they sat together. He had hoped that Jim would jump at the idea, as the hike would likely give the young Captain the sense of adventure, and slightly reckless challenge that suited his needs. "Even if it's not warm, we can curl up in the blankets together afterwards." And maybe figure out others ways of keeping warm together, but Khan didn't want to suggest it now. "But the region has a fair number of geysers and geothermal venting spots that we might very well find a hot shallow or two." 

“Yes, I’m sure we can find lots of ways to keep warm,” Jim said and leaned into Khan comfortable and at ease again. “The climb out will help, too. Plus the night air is perfect.” His eyes slid to Khan’s face. “And the way you asked about before, too. That’s a nice way to generate some body heat.” He waited for the response, hoping Khan would take well to his extending the olive branch his lover had tried to (a little inelegantly) not long before. “I’d like that, Noonien. Very much.”

Jim wasn't opposed to the idea at least. Rubbing his hand up and down Jim's back, Khan regarded the waterfall and the river, the giant trees and the rocky slopes. They would see how things played out, as Jim had said, there was more then enough to engage their attention tonight otherwise. And maybe Khan's misstep wouldn't taint the evening too badly. But he was feeling stuck, no, out of place. Jim was articulating that he was alright, but Khan didn't hear it that way, he still experienced Jim being guarded against him. Friendly, playful words were on the surface, but it was that familiar mask. So it was difficult for Khan to agree, to consent, to still be keen when he didn't feel comfortable with where he stood. In place of being able to say anything right, Khan rubbed the back of Jim's neck while he ate.

The silence that answered him concerned Jim, and he certainly did not take it as any kind of consent. Instead, he just leaned more into his lover and pulled out more foods to share between them. The night slowly lengthened around them, but the moons provided more than enough light to see all around them. Jim had visited a planet or two where the sun barely gave this might illumination and felt that the Loridians were very fortunate indeed with their twin moons. Eventually, he set aside his wineglass and a last fruit core and said, “I could grow to love this place. It really is the kind of picture postcard Starfleet likes to use to recruit us crazy people. And here we are, getting to really enjoy it.” He let out a long sigh of contentment and just settled, happy to wait for a cue from Khan that he wanted to start their trek to the river. Alternatively, just basking in the night and the warmth of his companion would work for Jim, as well.

"Would you like to take pictures? We are tourists, in a way." Khan said gently. "It is beautiful here ... I may dream about these giant trees and the color of the sky at night." He said, then added, "To me, these experiences ... these sights, are a gift." Bowing his head, Khan pressed a kiss to the fabric of Jim's shoulder, "Thank you." Then pressing his hand on Jim's thigh, seeking out his nearby hand, Khan asked, "Would you like to climb down to the waterfalls with me? There is enough moonlight to illuminate our path."

Jim’s right hand tangled fingers with Khan’s and squeezed gently. “Yes, I should take a few photos,” he said and then chuckled. “It’s funny how terms survive. We haven’t taken actual photographs in hundreds of years. At least, most people don’t. There are some artists who still do. But yeah, an image lasts forever.” He dug a PADD out of the very bottom of the basket with his free hand and held it up to capture a few images of their surroundings, before turning it toward Khan. “May I take a picture of you, as well, before we head down to the waterfall?”

"If you like." Khan couldn't recall the last time he had his picture taken. Well, he had been documented for Marcus's files, but that wasn't the same. It would have been back on Earth, before the war? He honestly couldn't remember. "What would you like me to do?" He asked, already pulling his head up, back ridged as he evened out the lengths of how his arms were held at his side.

Jim refrained from a helpless laugh that tried to escape him as Khan began to stiffen and pose. He leaned in, tucking the PADD to the side and kissed his lover softly. “You don’t have to do anything, Noonien. Just relax. I’m not taking a formal picture or something. This is for me to enjoy later. And I’d enjoy it more if you weren’t looking so stiff.” He kissed Khan again, deeper this time and inviting the other man to take some liberties.

Lightly closing his eyes, Khan leaned into the kiss, only a little at first. But with the taste of Jim and the wine in his mouth again, Khan probed for more. Jim was trying to distract him, and doing a good job of it. Being able to "just relax" was not an command Khan knew how to manage. It wasn't the same as being told to close his eyes, or talk, or walk here to there. Relaxing wasn't a natural state for Khan, so when it did happen, it was completely organic and sometimes short lived if the augment second guessed his sudden happiness. But Jim knew him, knew how to help him clear away some of these thoughts. After a few minutes of kissing, Khan's shoulders dropped and he sighed happily. 

Jim moved as quick as he could to capture that image of Khan, smiling to himself as he managed to get the augment at rest and looking content. “There, that’s what I’m talking about.” He handed the PADD to Khan so he could see the result. “What do you think? That’s about as at ease as I’ve ever managed to see you.” He allowed himself to relax back and asked, “Would you like to take some of me, too? I’ll even give you some teeth.” He flashed a huge smile at Khan, hoping to draw out some more of that amusement.

Khan accepted the PADD and allowed his eyes to drop, studying the image without reaction. He looked ... handsome, he supposed. But he could see why Jim was always so interested in making him laugh or smile or relax ... he looked, hard, serious, maybe even angry, when under the surface he was actually happy. It was quite amazing that Jim could see him at all. But Khan had a difficult time relating to the man on the screen, not feeling like that was who he was on the inside.

Dismissing the photo to join the others in the photo gallery, Khan lifted the PADD and began to take a few photos of Jim instead. He liked that much better. The images perfectly captured his playfulness, the handsome cut of his jaw, the bright life to his eyes, a touch of his childish side, but also his daring and bravery. Khan smirked, amused the more Jim tried to show off for the camera, for him. 

Finally, Jim was outright laughing and waving a hand at Khan. “Stop,” he said around his laughs. “You must have enough pictures of me now.” He hoisted himself back into Khan’s space and wrapped his arms around the augment, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Take a few of us together.” He tucked his face close to Khan’s and urged him to turn the PADD around. “Come on. I’d like a couple of us, too.”

Toggling the camera function, Khan began to take pictures of them together. This time his pleasure was much more obvious, as when Jim Kirk was at his side, his expression was genuine and unforced. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, enjoying Jim's closeness. He felt more comfortable with the image, now that Jim was a part of them. And for a few, even Khan attempted to be playful, taking a picture of himself as he kissed Jim on the side of his face, or pretended to bite at or snarl in his ear. 

Jim loved the playful Khan and engaged him back, feigning terror at the bite and snarl, while leaning into the kisses. He finally turned his head to kiss him deeply, sealing their lips together and slipping his tongue inside. He reached for the PADD and made sure Khan was capturing a few of those. “Thank you, Noonien,” he said and smiled brightly at him, nuzzling them. “Let’s go explore the route to the waterfall. You can hold my hand all the way down, if you like.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said as he moved to his feet, his left hand already on Jim's wrist, sliding into his hand to interlock fingers. It was a simple thing, holding hands. But to Khan, it was the world. A public union, even if the only life around to observe them together were the plants and trees. It was a union that was a physical example of how Jim was an extension of himself. Yes, they were strong individuals, but together, they were something else altogether wonderful.

Heading down the slope, Khan lead the way at first, finding them the easiest path down, so that Jim did not need his hands in order to help control his descent. A few small pockets of vapour escaped between the rocks, creating a light mist around their ankles whenever the hot air met with cool ground. But there was a further haze at the base of the waterfall, not just from where the water came crashing down into the river in the form of a watery mist, but as an indicator of warm and cool water meeting and clashing.

Jim set the PADD down and stood as Khan twined their fingers and began to lead the way. He grabbed a canteen and a small satchel of cookies to take with them, tucking them into his jacket for later. He squeezed Khan’s fingers gently to let him know that he liked the connection, plus that he made him feel safe. 

Jim enjoyed their trek to the bottom, his sure-footedness serving him in great stead. Actually, without Khan, he probably would have plunged much more quickly down the slope, danger be damned. But with the protective hand of the augment wrapped around his, Jim was compelled to go much more carefully. He took the time than to enjoy their surroundings, pausing near the bottom to survey the plunge pool with great interest. “That looks perfect for a swim! We can even get battered a little bit by the waterfall!”

"Yes, I imagine it is quite refreshing, if you are willing to give it a try." Khan smiled a little before adding, "Not that I have any doubt." Jim was the poster child for trying new things, or new experiences, almost daily. Talk to this civilization. Eat this plant. Observe that star. Every day offered Jim Kirk something new, even if he considered some adventures more mundane then others. 

“Only you could stop me,” Jim said with a teasing smile, though there was an underlying seriousness to the words. If Khan asked him not to, he’d probably listen. And certainly, Khan could physically prevent him, if he really wanted. “I’m hoping you don’t want to stop me. I’ve been rather fantasizing about swimming in the nude with you. There’s nobody around to see us.” He now began to scrambled down the rocks toward the bottom, moving past Khan on the narrow trail with the ease of a lot of practice. He’d always won races down cliffsides in the past, especially as a reckless teenager.

"Not going to stop you." Khan said, taking up pace just behind Jim, even as Jim's strides forced him to accelerate more and more. Then when they were just a few yards from their destination, Khan reached out and hooked both arms around Jim's middle, grabbing hold of him as the augment put on the brakes to their momentum. And just like that, Khan had stopped them, his hold on Jim hot and excited, briefly purring against the back of his neck. "Got you, anyway."

Jim made a startled noise (that was not a yelp, thank you) at the sudden halt and then laughed as Khan tugged him backward into a tight hold. “Yes, I guess you do,” he said and pressed back into the augment’s strong body. “A very good grip.” He turned his head, one arm going up and around to circle behind Khan’s neck, and angled up to kiss at Khan. At their similar heights, he could get his mouth just right to bite and suck at Khan’s lower lip, tugging at it sharply, but with clear intent to play and ignite.

With a mock-growl, Khan attempted to bite back, but bearing his teeth was soon reduced to a smile. Chasing after Jim and capturing him had been fun for Khan, but now that he had him, the augment began to let him go. He relaxed his hold, only to then use his hands to circle Jim's waist, before sliding over the front, undoing the button of his pants. "Can't swim with these on."

Jim huffed a warm breath and said, “Nope. It’s no fun when your pants get all wet and adhere to your skin.” He enticingly arched his hips forward to brush his not uninterested cock against the warm fingers working there. “You’re working me up pretty well, though, so swimming may not be the only reason to get these pants off. What do you think?” He leaned luxuriantly back into the augment, trusting him to take his weight without any hesitation or problem.

Letting his hand slip down in the tight space between fabric and skin, Khan cupped his hand over Jim's cock, gently squeezing with only the palm of his hand. While he used his other hand to continue to pull the pants away from his hips, pushing them down, one side at a time. Then sliding his hand under his shirt and across his stomach. "Yes, Jim. I will attempt to address all of your needs." He said with a kiss to his neck. With one last gentle squeeze, Khan pulled his hand off so that he might finish helping his lover undress. 

“You will succeed, I bet,” Jim muttered, before easing forward to kick off his boots and socks. He stretched tall to let Khan help with the shirt and then stood in nothing more than his black briefs. With a naughty little wink at Khan, he stepped right out of those, too.

For a moment, he paused and allowed his augment to get a long, full look at him. And then with another, wink, a laugh and a yelled, “Cowabunga!” he dove right off the side and into the plunge pool below.

Standing nearby, Khan watched Jim in the water, ensuring that he was well and happy and not in need of immediate rescuing. Then bending down to remove his boots, step out of his own pants, and pull off his shirt, Khan seamlessly dove into the water after Jim. He surfaced a moment later, letting the turbulence in the water caused by the waterfall push him along. 

Jim surfaced and swam across the pool quickly, enjoying the cool, crystal clear water. He dove to try and find the bottom, but surfaced a moment later unsuccessful. Undaunted, he took a deep breath and went under again, only to return without achieving his goal. Still, he was having a ton of fun and laughed as he took another few breaths. His next dive, he pursued Khan’s feet, trying to catch the augment and pull him under.

The water was so clear, the depth was a deception to even augmented eyes. It looked like only ten, maybe twenty feet deep, but with the way Jim kept trying to dive to the bottom, it was clearly much deeper then that. Khan felt he might attempt to touch the bottom as well, when he watched Jim circle him from below and then give a sudden tug on his ankle. Raising his arms up, Khan allowed himself to be pulled down. Even with the crash of water over the falls, there was a peacefulness under the surface, a quiet that Khan subsumed to, just as much as Jim pulling him under. He briefly observed Jim, then darted forward to catch him as well. 

Jim’s eyes widened, and he swam through the water as fast as he could go, catching a quick breath. He knew he’d never get away from Khan, if the augment was intent on catching him, but it was so much fun to try! This splashing around was more fun than he’d allowed himself in a long time. Especially tinged with the knowledge that it would end with them having wet sex. 

Sometimes Khan could be quite playful. It was often displayed as an abrupt pillow to Jim's face, or a dry comment that caught Jim off guard. Or a sudden attack, like this, that touched his instinct to chase, when something ran from him, but it was playful, and did not escalate into true violent instinct. If anything, it was more like play fighting as seen in the wild, as a tool to embolden younger animals, to learn how to fight back or escape in a safe way.

Khan gave chase after Jim, letting him feel the adrenaline of having something come after him in the water, before his hands would grasp as his kicking leg or ankle. But only enough to pull at him a moment, before letting go. Khan enjoyed this game. Though at one point he reached for Jim's hips and gave yank, hauling him back, so that they were both forced to surface at the same time.

Jim surfaced with Khan, laughing his delight at their games, and splashed a huge wave of water in his face. He kicked off again, using his feet both to propel and splash Khan some more. “Race you to the rocks!” he yelled and kept swimming, knowing Khan would catch him. That didn’t matter, not when he had the cool water washing over all of his skin, the exercise and play making him feel light and happy and the man with him exciting every other positive reaction in him. “Hurry up, slowpoke!” he teased.

Khan gave chase again, but after a few splashes, there was silence from behind Jim. The augment had decided to dive down, out of reach of Jim's arms and legs, and swam parallel just under him. But he was forced to surface close to the rocks where it got shallow and grinned at Jim, his back to the waterfall, letting some of the spray shower down the back of his head and shoulders. "This is quite nice." It was a luxury to bathe or shower in space, but here, neither of them had to worry about rationing their time or resources. And Khan, while well adapted to space and travel, enjoyed his earthy elements. 

Jim pulled himself up on the rocks beside the plunge pool and sprawled over them, limbs akimbo. He was obviously letting Khan look his fill, even asking him to give Jim a thorough viewing. “This is awesome,” he agreed and reached out for his lover. “Know what would make it even better? You, being close to me,” His fingers gestured in get over here fashion, even as he grinned at Khan. “And giving me a few kisses. Those never fail to make things better.”

Wading in the water, Khan moved closer to the rocks, eyes watchful on Jim. Putting his hands on the base of one of the larger boulders, Khan leaned forward, but did not pull himself out of the water yet. Instead, he stretched himself up as much as he could, allowing Jim on the rock, and Khan just below him, as he started to kiss at one ankle and the side of his foot. "These sorts of kisses?" He asked, feigning ignorance, kissing the arch of his foot carefully.

Jim sighed and flexed his feet under Khan’s light touches, smiling warmly at him. “Those kisses are nice,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind if they continued.” He used his other foot to lightly play with Khan’s hair, just rubbing against the scalp and making a mess out of the wet strands. His toes were pretty nimble, so he soon had the black locks making a series of little spikes all over the place. “You could even get up higher, if you wanted.” 

"Yes?" Khan asked quietly, even as he started to pull himself out of the water and climb up the side of the rock. But his head remained low, as he kissed his way up Jim's leg, pausing at his knee to glance up at him. "You enjoy making a mess of my hair, Jim?" He asked, shaking it out as a lion would after a dust bath. Most of his hair fell back into place, and some over his shoulder, but Khan kept his eyes on Jim. "Would you like a handful?"

Jim grinned as Khan’s shaking spread water everywhere and reached out for him, sitting up so his hand could gently thread through the soft hair. “I enjoy making a mess of you in general. You maintain your composure through almost everything, and I like to try and ruffle your feathers...or your hair, a little bit.” He stroked through the long hair and put the rest back in place. “You’re more than a handful my lion,,” he teased, even as he wrapped one of his legs around Khan’s slim hips, rubbing those same clever toes over the soft skin of Khan’s legs and ass. 

Planting his hands, Khan leaned forward and kissed Jim along his collarbone, then down his chest at an angle, following the line of an invisible dignitary sash or award. "Jim. I'm anxious," he said, being honest about his situation, rather than remaining quiet behind one of his hundreds of kinds of silence. "My feathers are ruffled." And it wasn't in some sweet, endearing way, it made his skin crawl to feel so unstable. "I want to please you, but I'm not ready," he said, forcing the words out, which felt like he was going back on a promise, going back on his honor. 

Jim eased his leg off of Khan and brought the other one up to frame Khan’s body, even as he lifted his arms to wrapped them around his shoulders. “You already please me,” he reassured softly, “and I’ll never expect you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Thank you for telling me and not trying to force yourself when you’re not ready.” He urged Khan to look at him and smiled up at him. “There’s no need to be anxious...I promise.” His right hand slipped from around Khan’s back to lightly comb through his hair, while his left massaged at his neck. “I’m happy to be with you in whatever way you are ready for.”

At the small prompting, Khan lifted his gaze. And for a moment, just once, Khan looked like the younger of the two men, as if these were a child's doubts, laid to rest. Khan nodded quietly, letting his eyes lightly closed as Jim soothed him further by petting his hair, speaking so carefully with him, and touching him intimately, without it being a direct prelude to sex. It took a few minutes, but Khan's mind began to quiet.

He knew he still wanted to offer himself to Jim, but not here. He needed to do it on his own terms, and not as a tacked on, misunderstood offer, as it had been. But those plans could come to him another night. For now, Khan and Jim would share the evening, under the bright moons and thick forest, in a different way that either had perhaps originally set out to have. "Thank you, Jim." Khan said, though Jim's patience would eventually be well rewarded. 

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Jim assured and lifted himself up to press a soft kiss to Khan’s forehead, reassuring, instead of inflammatory. “You’re my lover, Noonien, and your welfare is more important than anything else, especially in these kinds of matters. I know not everyone is as...flexible in their sexual practices as I am. There’s no shame in that. But I’d be criminal if I encouraged you to do something you were uncertain about.” He eased himself back to rocks and allowed himself to just rest there, smiling up at Khan with eyes and mouth. His entire posture indicated that he was willing, eager even, to let his lover lead the way wherever they went next. He would do what Khan wanted, so that the other man’s nervousness might hopefully wash away.

"Jim-" Khan hummed his name, finding instant pleasure in Jim laying himself out as a feast to be devoured. This time there was no hesitation with his mouth, no attempt at submissiveness. Instead his lips eagerly found their place just over Jim's stomach, then a gentle bite, with his mouth, not his teeth, on his smallest rib. "You can't possibly be comfortable like that, with the rock at your back ... we should return to the blankets, and bed-down together."

“Aww, you want to leave?” Jim asked and glanced over the water. “We could use the water itself, if you’re worried about my comfort. Or we can go back up, if you really want.” He stretched out again with a pleased groan and traced a hand up Khan’s strong chest, lightly tweaking his right nipple. “But I assure you, I’m comfortable as long as you’re with me, especially looking like that.” His eyes flicked over Khan’s form very appreciatively. “And with that expression in your eyes...like you can’t wait to eat me alive.”

"Your comfort is my current concern, yes." Khan turned his head in towards Jim's outstretched arm and gave another gentle bite. The rock was hard, but not intolerable. And the water was cool, but not too cold. But while Khan might be a sort of animal, he wasn't the sort that scraped his knees, or scratched up his lover by rolling around on rocks. "Then I can focus on what to sample first," he said, pressing a kiss to Jim's lips with a little smile. 

“So, you want to head back up?” Jim guessed, not a hundred percent certain from the response. He lightly nipped at the nearest part of Khan available, also sheathing his teeth, and then sat up. “I can’t say your offer isn’t pleasing. I look forward to whatever your sampling technique turns out to be. Still, I’m sad the pool isn’t shallow enough to let us indulge in more...carnal sports there. Guess I’ve been reading too many romance novels.” He laughed at the notion for a moment, before surveying Khan carefully. “You’d make a pretty decent leading character for one of them.”

"Romance novels." Khan repeated back, narrowed his eyes on Jim, then made a point of poking him in the side as if trying to determine if the man in front of him was really the man he knew. "Hm." Khan moved to his feet and offered a hand to Jim, expression reflecting something much more relaxed and pleased now that he admitted that he wasn't ready, and Jim had respected his wishes without any show of annoyance or disappointment in him. "Tell me, what sort of romance novel I would feature in?"

“Fuck,” Jim breathed as Khan easily hoisted him up with one arm. “You could star in any kind of storyline you wanted. What hot-blooded female of any species wouldn’t swoon over you? Not to mention more than a few of the males. You’re brilliant, handsome, insanely strong and with the side of moodiness that just makes for the perfect hero.” He leaned into his lover and kissed him fiercely. “Too bad for everyone else that I got to you first and have no intention of sharing.” His hands locked around Khan’s back as he draped himself shamelessly against the firm warmth. “Nobody else gets to know what they’re missing.”

Khan purred, nuzzling the side of Jim's face, always very happy whenever Jim leaned against him. Either holding each other like this, or simply laying together on the couch watching a movie from the archive. "Not unless you write a novel about me ... but it is not anyone's business, but ours, so I will ask that you don't do that." Pressing another kiss to Jim's mouth, Khan parted his lips and probed sweetly, wanting a little more taste of his lover.

Jim also loved the small ways Khan reacted to their being close together, the unusual purring and the almost cat-like rubbing that proximity elicited from him. And the kissing...well, that was enough to make even the most frozen iceburg’s heart melt, and Jim was already well above the normal temperature when it came to passion. The joining of their mouths could have started a tropical heatwave in Antarctica. “No need to write it, Noonien,” he panted on breath’s return. “Except in my personal logs.” He paused a second and added, “Just kidding. I know you’re a very private person.” He rubbed their noses together.

It was very satisfying to kiss like that. To allow all other senses to drift into the background. When seconds felt like they were lasting for hours. When the taste of Jim's lips, and softness of his tongue, the heat of his breath, and the noises of his pleasure so completely filled Khan's brain, nothing else mattered at all. If Khan had the ability, he imagined he could become quite addicted to such things. "Thank you," he said, reaching down and took Jim by one hand, lifting it so that he could nibble on his wrist, lovingly. 

Jim moaned softly at the nibbling and shivered a little. There was something so intimate about the act, so different from any lover in Jim’s experiences, vast as they were. “Come on, Noonien, let’s get back to our blanket and the stars. I’m getting a bit needy for some more of these touches you keep promising me.” He stepped away, ready to swim to the other side and collect their clothes, before journeying back to the top. “Better not let me get ahead of you,” he teased over one shoulder. “You know how daredevil I get without you to rein me in.” He dove into the water and began to swim for the rocks where their clothes waited.

Though Khan was fiercely protective of Jim, and would always be something of a human shield, or personal soldier, Khan was not controlling and let Jim run just as wild and free as he wanted. When the time came, Khan hoped that Jim might allow him the same courtesy, allow him his wild moments, rather then made him hold back, obey. As Khan saw it, he loved the daredevil side of Jim, just as much as the rest of him. The last thing he would ever want to do is suffocate or try to change any aspect of Jim's personality. All it meant, was that when Jim Kirk ran wild and reckless, Khan was at his side to see him through.

Khan dove in after his lover, the thrill of the chase electrifying his nerves.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for taking so long! But I return, bearing the next chapter. And something people have been asking about...

For two weeks now, the Enterprise had been slowly passing through a cloud nebula. It was thrilling for the science teams, getting constant data that would satisfy more than a dozen papers, perhaps even future Starfleet textbooks. Navigation was having a hell of a time with it though, as some pockets of the nebula were dense with dust and space debris, while others were saturated with volatile gases. It meant some days they flew through at warp two, or three, while other days were reduced to a painful crawl of impulse power, for hours on end.  
These were more draining than others. Even with the amazing view out the observation decks. 

Blue and purple, cutting through yellow and orange. And not a single star in sight. No blackness of space, just color. And the occasional lost asteroid, or failed planetary body that hadn't quite formed.

Still, with all that beauty, these were stressful days. And so, with the intent to give Jim something of a treat for when he got off shift, Khan had let himself into the Captain's chambers, so that he might prepare for him. Organized and quick, Khan had set up easily, then stripped himself down, laying his clothes purposefully over an armchair near the entrance to the room before he slipped into Jim's bed, sinking into the scent still in the blankets while he waited. 

Today had been one of the non-boring days, and though Jim was grateful to break out of the tedium of creeping along, he didn’t like it enough to enjoy the three near and two firm collisions with asteroids that had come out of the nebula with little warning. Their shields (and Sulu’s driving) protected them well enough, but each time jerked his lady around and caused the Scot in her bowels to send up non-appreciative yells in Jim’s direction. Despite the beauty of their surroundings and the copious glee from one part of the Science department, he couldn’t wait to get the Hell out of the nebula and back into ‘normal’ space. So, it was with great relief that he handed over the conn to Mr. Spock for the Beta Shift and headed for his quarters (and Khan).

“Are you-” Jim stopped in the middle of his call and his steps as he noted the lump in his bed. “Oh, you very much are,” he said, voice dropping an octave when he noted the clothes nearby. “Hallelujah,” he added in a softer tone, which dripped with grateful delight. “Just let me wash really quick, all right? I think some of the day’s wear may not be welcome in bed.”  
He stripped out of his clothing on the way to the refresher, however, dropping it far more casually than Khan had arranged his, so it formed a trail behind him. 

Khan shifted in bed, then peered out from under the covers. The bed was pre-warmed with the augment's body heat, taking out the chill of the simple Starfleet issued blankets. He watched Jim for a moment before speaking. "Do you require assistance, Captain?" he asked, using his title as an indication to the game they might play. Most nights they were themselves, but some times it was fun to play a role, a version of themselves. 

Jim glanced over his shoulder, intrigued by the words and offered a warm smile. “And what kind of assistance might you be willing to offer, crewman?” he asked, putting special enunciation on the last work to spell out his willingness to see where Khan was going. In fact, the idea of Khan taking on any kind of subordinate role in the bedroom was positively thrilling, since it happened so seldom. Not that Jim begrudged him the top...his lover was a powerhouse to the Nth degree, and Jim dared anyone not to be swept away by his ferocity, strength and demanding personality.

Slipping out of bed, Khan stood slowly. Though he wore briefs as a symbolic attempt at modesty, as he was a guest in Jim's quarters, the rest of him was completely bare. He was all legs and arms, torso and dark hair. He made a point to turn sideways to face the bed, folding the covers back into place, wishing to conserve the warmth already there. Then turning towards his lover, Khan took a few steps forward, then crouched down to pick up after Jim's abandoned clothes on the floor. "Any assistance you require, Captain." Khan said, letting one knee drop to the floor to plant himself there. Tipping his head up, Khan licked just the opening of his lips as he held Jim's gaze. 

“I may not be able to walk to the shower,” Jim mumbled, as he suddenly found himself aching hard. Khan on one knee, looking up with such devotion and awaiting orders, was like a living wet dream. He cleared his throat and said, “Well, crewman, after a day like this, a neck massage would be rather welcome. After I clean up a little, of course. Once you pick up my clothes, please wait in the bed to keep it warm for us both.” He smiled more gently at Khan and leaned down to kiss him long and sweet. “Thank you,” he murmured against tender lips and then hurried into the bathroom for a quick face wash and teeth brushing.

Khan waited for Jim to turn and head towards the bathroom before he continued to collect Jim's things from the floor. He placed them in the bin that was designated for sterile wash or mending. And while he retrieved a new set of clothes, Khan hoped that Jim would see no need for them. Setting the fresh shirt and pants aside, Khan then slipped back into the bed, squirming a little to cause friction, wanting to re-warm the cold spots quickly for his lover. 

Jim emerged and pell-melled for the bed, wanting nothing more than to join his lover under the covers. “Hello,” he whispered as he climbed in and wrapped his arms around Khan, giving him another, long kiss. “Thank you, Crewman Singh, for being so willing to serve your captain. After such a long day, it’s a treat I need to have you waiting for me here.” He thumbed over Khan’s right cheek, eyes considering. “I don’t think I like calling you crewman when you’re in my bed, although I’m enjoying being called Captain. What shall I call you, hmmm?”

"It is an honour, and a pleasure, Captain." Khan said, letting his own hands drift forward. Whether it was a genuine kink or just how Khan's brain processed order and structure, he, too, enjoyed calling Jim by his title; he found the term very satisfying. Pressing the palms of his hands on Jim's chest, Khan slowly slid them back, over Jim's shoulders, where his fingers began to instantly play the muscle, pressing and kneading into it slowly as a prelude to a proper massage. "What name would you like to give me?" he asked, very willing at every turn. 

“Aw, see, that’s not fair,” Jim said, even as he melted a little under the gentle touches, “throwing it all back at your captain.” He considered options with a little hum, as Khan touched him with complete knowledge of all the things that made Jim’s body thrum with delight. “Now let me see...how about māśūqa?” His lips quirked into a grin, and he wished he could see Khan’s face as he nicknamed his lover, sweetie, in Hindi. Jim enjoyed learning new kinds languages and had beefed up on multiple languages from the lands Khan once ruled to spring on him now and then. 

The term was completely unexpected. "Mash-zu. Māśūqa," Khan repeated back, once for Jim, but the second time was for himself. He was confirming, yes, this was his new name. Sweetie. "Yes, Captain." Khan barely got the words out, before he was shifting closer, kissing Jim on the lips, sucking gently, playfully encouraging. Then hooking a leg over Jim's hip, Khan paused in his kisses, letting both of them wrap their heads around the implication. After a breath, Khan kissed Jim again, sealing their lips while Khan rolled onto his back, his leg helping to pull Jim over on top of him and his parted thighs. 

Jim followed the roll easily, having lots of practice with Khan’s easy manhandling. But the position was rather different than usual, unless Jim was about to ride Khan. And that was not what this felt like at all. Instead, what with Khan calling him ‘Captain’ and acting so very amenable, it felt like something very new indeed. He leaned into the kiss, tongue taking on a more demanding role, licking in deep and touching all over. His right hand sought Khan’s long leg at his side, stroking and caressing the limb as far as he could reach. His fingers curled into the curve of his knee, and he rubbed the sensitive area therein. 

Khan groaned, sucking on Jim's tongue. His back slowly arched against the bed, hips pressing up as his thighs parted a little more for Jim, letting him settle very purposefully between his legs. Khan made no move to stop Jim from touching him like this, as he took command over his augmented lover. Khan hummed, fingers pressing a little more firmly into Jim's shoulders and the back of his neck, fighting some of the knots there with a little more effort. "I would like to help you relax, Captain, after your stressful day. Perhaps you might find some relief." 

“I’m finding this very relaxing,” Jim said and allowed himself to press fully along Khan’s length, their cocks just lazily bumping together. “But I wouldn’t mind a full body experience to help me work off the rest of the day’s stresses.” He arched his neck and back into the touches and groaned in relief as a few knots just slipped away. “Fuck, you have the most amazing hands, māśūqa, and I am so blessed to have them at my service. So blessed to have you in any way...on my crew, as my friend, in my arms and in my heart.” He touched their foreheads together tenderly. 

It was still quite a thrill to hear Jim speak the term in a language he had not heard, let alone had the opportunity to speak, for a long time. Khan liked how flawless the inflection sounded to his ears, and the comforting presence it now held in his mind, and the fact that Jim must have been secretly working on learning these sorts of terms. But Khan was then very silent for a moment. Blessed to have him? In his heart? These were not words Khan expected to hear from Jim, even in role playing.

It took a minute before Khan found the words to respond, fingers sliding into the short hair at the back of his neck and scalp where he continued his slow massage. "Allow me then, Captain, to work away all your aches, and distract you from your worries." 

“Your kindness is most welcome,” Jim murmured and let his eyes close as he relaxed to enjoy the caressing hands. His own hands lightly stroked at Khan’s hair, drawing it out from under his head, neck and shoulders to fan out behind him on the pillow. “Mmm, this is getting longer all the time. I love how it looks when you let it down, māśūqa, even more since it’s for my eyes only. Not that I’m immune to wanting to tug it free when you wear it up during the day.” He lifts his head a little to admire the view just below him. “But I know that’d be rather rude.”

Khan however smiled at this suggestion. His own fingers worked very purposefully against Jim's scalp, letting the soft hair slip between his fingers. "Shall I put my hair up for you, Captain? So that you might tug it free? Just for you. To touch. To pull. To come all over," Khan said with another small lick of his lips. "Would you like that?"

Jim licked his lips and nodded once. “I’ve thought of wrapping some of the strands around my cock and just jacking myself off that way. But I’d never have asked you, since it seems almost sacrilegious, what with how well you take care of your hair. But if you mean it, fuck yes, please.” He laughed and arched his head into Khan’s own hands. “I’d offer the same, but my hair is useless that way.”

"Yes, Captain. I think you should," Khan said, leg finally slipping from Jim's hip. It had taken some time, but Khan was starting to feel comfortable on his back. Then again, he had also been in control of the movement, which had helped. But now that his leg relaxed, Khan accepted more of the weight of Jim between his parted thighs, feeling better at ease. "Please." He added, "Use my hair- wrap it around your cock, pull on it if you like ... and when you come, brush your seed through the strands. Please, Captain."

“Hmm, I can’t really do that from this position,” Jim mused and considered options. “Here, let me just roll over here…” He moved reluctantly out of the strong legs and knelt near Khan’s head, reaching for his hair with an eager hand. Tenderly lifting a good chunk of mane, he allowed his legs to splay open wider so he could easily wrap the hair around his cock without pulling. “Is this alright?” he asked, knowing it was a more dominant position than he had ever assumed with Khan. And although the augment seemed willing, he did not want to presume anything with his sometimes touchy lover. 

Shifting his shoulders just a few inches, Khan situated his head very willingly between Jim's parted knees. Even leaning the side of his face against skin, pressing himself further into this very submissive position. Lifting his gaze however, Khan had a lovely front row viewing of Jim's cock and of his lover looking down at him. "Yes-" Khan settled, placing his hand on his own chest, one folded over the other, rising and falling as he breathed. Tipping his head back, Khan attempted to kiss the underside of Jim's balls, but couldn't manage it from his position and had to be satisfied with giving a light kiss to the inside of his thigh, which he nuzzled and leaned against soon after. 

Jim just watched and enjoyed Khan’s actions for a few moments, before he tenderly rolled the captured hair around his very eager erection. “Tell me if this gets uncomfortable for you, māśūqa,” Jim urged and began to thrust. He moved his hips, instead of his hands, to minimize pulling. It worked just as well, letting him thrust into a silky tunnel that caused sensations he’d never experienced before along his length. This was something new for him, and he found himself building up a faster rhythm than originally intended in response. “Fuck, that’s amazing. So soft and good.” The bed creaked a little as he put his back into the motions.

Letting his head lull slowly to one side or the next, Khan groaned softly as he watched Jim take command over him, by doing something as simple as fucking his hair. "Yes, Captain-" Khan pressed the top of his head in closer to Jim's groin, so that he could feel the weight of his sack against his head after each trust. "Just for you," he added, as he allowed his hands to drift down his own body, firmly rubbing himself through his briefs.

“Take off the underwear,” Jim commanded, somewhat hoarsely. “I want to watch you touch yourself, māśūqa. I want to see your fingers stroke that amazing cock of yours. Watching you leak all over your belly. You should enjoy this, too...I’m glad you do. You’re making me feel amazing. I’m going to come all over you soon, if I’m not careful. Kinda wishing now you had even more hair. I’d wrap myself in it and have a full body experience.”

Khan chuckled at the thought, but it showed that he was relaxed rather then on edge. Lightly closing his eyes, Khan pushed the hem of his briefs down so that his erection could be free. He cupped and massaged his length with one hand while continuing to push and work down the fabric from his hips, then down to his thighs and legs until he managed to squirm out of them. With one leg extended and the other bent at the knee, Khan used two fingers to massage the underside of his own shaft, until those two fingers were drifting further down, petting along the small stretch of delicate skin that lead to his tight ass. "You can use me harder, Captain. Anything you need. Tell me."

Jim’s eyes widened even further as Khan began to extend his attentions toward his hole. That was something that had not even been hinted at since the near disastrous night on Loridia. He had not dared to ask, knowing Khan would broach the topic himself, when and if he felt ready. Seemingly, that day may be at hand. “I need you to just keep touching and pleasuring yourself. I need to come all over your face and see it trickle everywhere. I need you to come all over your stomach and chest. And then I need to clean you up from all of it, until we’re both hard and aching just from that.”

"Yes-" Khan growled and moaned all at once. The augment writhed in place as he handled himself, hips rising as he teased his shaft, squeezing in tight pulses with one hand, and with the other carefully fingering the rim of his entrance, just stroking the surface so that the muscle would relax. Khan did his best to nuzzle back against Jim's sack again, to kiss and lick at the skin. "Mark me, Captain, all over my face. I want every drop of it."

“You’ll get it,” Jim promised and slowed his actions again, not wanting to be done too soon. “I want to see you painted with both of our releases, dripping all over our bed.” He leaned down a little so his free hand could caress Khan’s cheeks and play with his mouth. “It does a captain’s heart good to come home to find his māśūqa waiting for and wanting him. You must have felt me thinking about you on the bridge, whenever my mind had a moment free of worry for the ship. How clever you are.”

"Yes, Captain." Khan said, his tone hot and eager the more he used the title for his lover, and the more Jim called him by his own title. Leaning into the touch, Khan kissed the palm of his hand and fingers, before his mouth just remained gently open, gasping his pleasure as he surrendered to the experience. Entrusting Jim with his welfare, following his direction, giving himself pleasure on Jim's orders. Surrendering his swollen erection for a moment, Khan focused on trying to finger himself, pressing in the pad of his middle finger, and nothing more, but allowed the sphincter to stretch and push against the skin. Even though this was new for him, Khan still knew his body well enough to drag the nails of his free hand over his thigh, not enough to dig in or cause scratches, but enough that his body responded by parting his thighs further. "Captain ..." Khan said, a dark, erotic purr to his voice now, something like a drugged wild animal still trying to rise. "After you mark me on the outside, will you come inside me as well, too?"

Well, that finished Jim off. That request, on top of the visual of Khan pleasuring himself and the silky stroke around his cock, overloaded his systems and caused him to spurt his release all over Khan’s perfect visage. He managed after a second to redirect himself more toward cheeks and chin, rather than forehead, but not before spreading thick strands over the upper half of his lover’s face. And throughout this first, glorious orgasm, he managed nothing more than a series of deep groans, all of them indicating just how deeply Khan’s words had affected him. 

“Fuck, sorry. Couldn’t control myself. You’re just too hot, māśūqa,” he panted, when he finally calmed down a little. “You always do that to me.” His eyes opened wide when his brain finally came online enough to let him reconsider Khan’s offer. “Especially when you say such things. If you meant it...fuck, yeah, I want that. So bad.”

Keeping his eyes lightly closed, Khan basked at having Jim spill his seed across his face. He tipped his head back, throat exposed, a show of vulnerability and willing submission to have Jim come all over him like this, leaving lines of sticky white cum all over his skin. "I'm not sorry." Khan said, licking his lips, getting a small taste of Jim there.

Looking up, Khan made no move to clean himself off, but instead remained marked by Jim Kirk. "Yes, I meant it." He said firmly, even though hot arousal remained in his chest. Khan carefully returned to rubbing his erection with one hand, then pressed a hand across his own stomach, his brain drowning in imagined thoughts of what it would feel like to have Jim fill him up, to rut around in his body until he came again. "Will you help prepare me? Will you allow me to help get you hard again?"

Jim stared at Khan’s face, decorated with his release, and swallowed hard against another wave of intense arousal. “You’re already helping me get hard again, despite the normal refractory period. Just the sight of you is enough.” He leaned in to lightly lick at one line of come on Khan’s forehead. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, too.” His hands joined his tongue in his endeavors to enjoy the mess he’d made of Khan’s face. 

“Your words also are making me hard, māśūqa, and the idea that you would like me to- to prepare you and be inside you for a first time. I not only will help prepare you, I wish to be the one to do all of the work, to open up your ass and slick the way for both of our pleasures. But first, I want to see your release.” He gently disentangled Khan’s messy hair from his cock to allow him the freedom to lean even more forward and take Khan’s erection in hand to stroke in time with Khan’s own movements. “Come now, māśūqa, make a mess of yourself to me.”

When Jim used his tongue to clean a few small patches of his skin, Khan sighed happily, completely at ease as if he were truly no more than a cat being cared for by another. Turning his head to the side, Khan attempted to kiss Jim on the knee, anything he could for just a little more contact. In the bedroom, Jim was much more comfortable, much more experienced at being the center of attention. He knew how to put himself on display, whereas Khan sometimes struggled with the right thing to do. "Yes, Captain," Khan said, back arching a little off the bed so that he could stretch out under Jim further. With his free hand, Khan used his fingers to comb through the mess in his hair, brushing the cum into the black strands, briefly smelling it on his fingers, then stretched his hand back, over the top of his head. But Khan found it difficult, even though he was deeply aroused, to get himself off right away. Though before his struggle become frustration, Khan tipped his head back and parted his lips, asking a soft "Please" to have Jim's half-hard cock in his mouth, or at least close enough that he could lick one side of it.

Jim paused in his ministrations and shuffled his body to give Khan access. “Whatever you want,” he said and then decided that Khan had the right idea, easing down to lick and suck at the head of Khan’s erection. He cleared away the fluids at the slit and sealed his mouth so that he could suck forcefully and try to draw out Khan’s seeming reluctant orgasm. At this angle, he could also easily access the beautiful sack below his cock and fondle with skilled fingers. He could feel that it was drawn up and sought to give Khan the extra stimulation he needed to bring on his release.

Eager to take Jim into his mouth, Khan immediately groaned, licking and sucking at the salty taste. Though with his mouth full, his moans were deliciously muffled. It helped. As did having Jim echo the same behaviour. Khan swallowed his own saliva as sucked on Jim happily, finding great satisfaction in his position. A warmth twisted pleasantly just behind Khan's hips and his whole body began to squirm and writhe, searching for an outlet. And soon Khan found one, coming suddenly, gasping around Jim's cock in his mouth while his own erection throbbed and spammed, coming in nice long ribbons of white.

Jim pulled back the instant the first spurts hit his tongue and turned his head away to allow the semen to splatter all over his stomach and up to his chest. He watched as it spattered everywhere, directing the spray by shifting Khan’s cock gently around. Meanwhile, the intense sucking of his own cock by his lover’s eager mouth made him harden at an almost unbearable rate. “Māśūqa, if you wish for me to take you tonight, you need to stop,” he murmured. “Your mouth is far too good for me to last, given how sensitive I am. Let me shift around to kneel between your thighs again.”

"Yes, Captain," Khan said, offering one last careful lick to the length of Jim's erection. He looked at it a little longingly, then turned his head away so that Jim could move. How could he explain, that in that moment, he had just wanted to be stuffed silent with his lover's beautiful cock, that he had just wanted to suck on the taste of him in place of being able to kiss. Was that foolish? Did it highlight how inexperienced he was? He hoped not.

Khan lay still again, except for keeping a hand on his thigh, petting the skin near the inside with his fingertips as he encouraged his legs to remain parted for his lover. He was a mess, his hair and face still sticky from Jim's efforts, and his own stomach and chest covered with his own. Khan glanced over the sight of his own body, then raised his gaze to Jim, comfortable with seeking his direction, his experience, his leadership.

Jim eased himself back into the place he had begun and smiled at the sight of Khan, at once lecherous and soft, if such a combination were possible. “Fuck, you are a mess. A beautiful mess. And I’m going to clean you off right now.” So saying, his tongue got right to work on Khan’s abdomen, rumbling over the ridges of muscle as the muscle followed the trail of one particularly thick spatter. He ended up just below Khan’s left nipple and detoured for his own sucking. “Mmm, tasty, too. Salty and delicious.” His teeth bit down a bit harder into the succulent bud than he had ever dared before, as he tugged at.

Breathing steadily, Khan watched as Jim cleaned his skin, which allowed the augment to relax back into the mattress of the bed. And though he watched it happen, the hard bite still came as a surprise to Khan. Any other time he might have growled some sort of protest or gotten a bit grabby or bity with Jim in return. But right now, his brain was wired for one thing, to yield. And that was the direction his body followed. His chest rose as Jim pulled with his teeth, something of a whimper escaping his throat as his body arched, hips automatically rolling forward. 

“That’s so good, māśūqa,” Jim praised, as Khan reacted so eagerly to his mouth. His tongue flicked soothingly over the nub right after, before his mouth moved on to another streak of semen, which he followed back down to the curls of his groin. With a little growl, he rubbed his cheek along the firm length nearby. “I could spend hours doing this. But how about we combine pleasures?” He dropped a kiss to Khan’s abdomen, just over his navel. “Stay still for a moment.” Hopping off the bed, he scooted as rapidly as an aroused man could to fetch a special bottle from his bureau. 

Regardless of the intention behind it, Khan felt a warm thrill settle in the length of his body as Jim growled a little at him as he spoke. The wet tongue over his body felt amazing, allowing the augment to surrender to Jim's attentions and desires for his body. "Yes, Captain." Khan said, remaining just where he was on the bed, though did allow his head to turn to the side, watching Jim, even though he was trusting in his plans.

Jim fetched a bottle from a drawer, something he’d been saving special for this occasion (longed for, but not counted on). The lubricant was specially tailored for a first time, being extra slick and also of pleasant warming and scent properties. “Here we are. This will help us both enjoy this experience,” he murmured and settled back down. “I’d like to start putting it inside you now. But you must promise me, māśūqa, to tell me if you’re in any discomfort.” He emptied a little bit of lubricant on his fingers and rubbed it just beneath Khan’s balls.

"Yes, I promise." Drawing up his legs so that his knees were bent, and pointed off to the sides, Khan attempted to mimic some of the behaviours Jim had displaced once or twice when he was in his position. But his memory blurred as his focus kept getting pulled back to the here and now, to the way Jim was touching him, looking at him. Feeling the lubrication start to drip, the sphincter of his ass abruptly tightened, then relaxed in response. But these were natural responses from a man about to try something new. 

Jim did not rush, but slowly spread the slick downward, until the pads of his fingers were basically massaging the ring of muscle that led into Khan’s most secret place. They circled slowly and carefully, just getting the area used to the touch of another person. “Even as your captain, I’m feeling humbled that you would offer me this, and I want to make sure you enjoy every moment.” He stole a brief kiss from Khan’s mouth, bending in half to do so. His mouth then wandered again to allow his tongue to clean up more of the mess on Khan’s face, cool now, but still a treat for Jim. Also, it gave him another way to distract and arouse his lover.

Holding his breath until Jim had kissed him, Khan had unwavering trust in Jim, but was self conscious of his own reactions. So the kiss was the first of many helpful distractions. As Jim's mouth continued to clean up the remaining leftovers painted across his face, Khan felt soothed. "Yes-" he managed to breathe out, his words a strained, aroused whisper caught in his throat. "Ah- that's good." He said, enjoying the gentle tease.

“Good,” Jim murmured and stole another kiss, even as his fingertip wiggled just the barest way inside, teasing more than actual penetration. But he wanted to see how Khan reacted to this first push into virgin territory. And oh, that idea made Jim flush hot and kiss deeper to maintain his composure. But his finger stayed in control, still just swirling round to carefully open up the very edge of that ring of muscle. His fingernail gently caught at the edge and scraped along the sensitive tissue.

Again the muscle tightened and then soon relaxed. With a soft blush of his own, spreading up his chest and into his cheeks, it was clear that Khan's body was certainly curious about the sensation. "Please, Captain. More." He said, reaching up with one hand to rest on Jim's shoulder, a connection that suggested the augment wanted to pull him in closer, not push him away. Both the body and mind were willing.

Jim winked and fumbled for the bottle of lubricant again, adding even more to his fingers. “I’m eager to give you much more,” he promised and slid his index finger to the first joint inside Khan. There was a bit of resistance, and Jim patiently pushed and swirled and tugged to urge Khan’s muscles (which he couldn’t have forced his way past even if he wanted) to give for him. “It’ll feel even better, I promise. You know how I react to you.” 

Lips parted, Khan gasped but then made no further noise. His nerves splintered in every direction, starting from the spot just behind his hips, then up his spine, across his chest and through his arms and fingers, even down to his toes. It was only a finger, a single finger, but it caused such electricity in his body to experience for the first time. "... yes ..." The word barely formed on his lips, but it was spoken with warmth and pleasure.

“To use your phrase, that’s very good, māśūqa,” Jim crooned and slipped that finger even more into a passage that welcomed him faster than anticipated. But he could tell how much Khan was affected by the way he moaned and trembled in his arms. None of the sensations seemed unpleasant, however, so Jim sped up his ministrations slightly. His finger disappeared up to the knuckle, before he hooked it and sought that small spot that he hoped would truly blow Khan’s mind.

"Very good-" Khan attempted to echo back. But then Jim found the sweet spot. His cock twitched against his stomach, becoming more than half hard again. And without even realizing it, Khan was pushing back for more, now hungry for that hot sensation that flooded his veins. Lifting his head, Khan stared at Jim, eyes blown wide, sharp and hyperaware of every detail of his lover. The man he trusted with these intimate details. Who gave him a family, and gave him a home. The man he loved. Jim Kirk. A lion tamer. 

“Yeah, there you are,” Jim said with a brilliant smile at how devastated (in a good way) his lover appeared in that moment. He worked with the hips that now pushed demandingly against his hand, pulling out just long enough to square two fingers together and begin to twirl them both inside. “Easy, māśūqa. Let me just relax your muscles a little more and then I can find that spot again, I promise. Just don’t push too hard.” He dotted little kisses over Khan’s face and caught his eyes, foreheads pressed together.

"Ah-" Khan groaned with a slow arch of his back off the bed. There was a new sharpness with two fingers, but Khan would hardly call it pain. Bracing himself on his elbows, Khan sat up slightly, thighs and knees trembling ever so slightly as they remained parted for Jim. Though for someone like Khan, it was a little embarrassing to not be so in control of his own body. "Yes, Captain." Khan purred, nuzzling slightly. He was excited by what was happening, but knew to trust Jim so not to force his own limits on the first try, simply because he was aroused and eager for this new experience. 

“That feel alright?” Jim asked as he felt the muscle give and allow his fingers much more depth. “You need more lubricant?” He spread the fingers carefully to widen the passage. “Most people only need two fingers for preparation, but I may use three on you. Your muscles are so powerful that I wouldn’t want them to clamp down too hard on me.” he winked to show he was partially teasing, though it was something he’d thought a bit about.

If Khan were more experienced, the amount of lubrication Jim had already used on him would have been plenty enough. But this was new for him, and it helped keep things moving freely and smoothly. "Yes ... please." Khan said, kissing Jim on the mouth, sucking gently on his lower lip. "Thank you, Captain." He added, before offering a few more eager, affectionate kisses. 

This side of Khan was new and extremely exciting to Jim, and he gratefully enjoyed how much his lover seemed to be enjoying this new experience. “Don’t thank me. I’m the lucky one here.” He poured out even more lubricant on his fingers, letting a little dribbled into the crack of Khan’s ass, and slid both fingers deep again. For a few long moments, he stretched and swirled and scissored, just getting Khan used to the sensations. But on a particularly good thrust, he angled up and into Khan’s prostate and stimulated it mercilessly.

Often pushing back, Khan was starting to meet each thrust with some relative ease. The way Jim was working him open and working him up was amazing. The augment sighed and groaned as each wave of pleasure kept pushing him, one after another. He was very satisfied with the way things were gone, and not at all afraid. Jim was taking care of him very well.

But then, Jim struck gold with fingering his prostate. Khan rolled his hips for more, pushing down on Jim's fingers, craving that thrilling sensation that made him want, that made him open up all that much more. Unable to take it back, Khan started to whimper and whine, his lips brushing against Jim's as he spoke. "Please tell me I am ready, Captain. I want you ..."

Jim slid a third finger inside to test and nodded once, eyes warm and hungry. “Yes, you’re ready, māśūqa.” He puddled more lubricant in his palm and slicked up his cock, which he had almost forgotten in his enjoyment of preparing Khan. But the instant he touched himself, he hissed to find himself hard as a rock. “Oh, fuck,” he murmured and had to be very careful not to overwhelm his senses and come again. “Look what you did to me…”

Removing his hands from inside Khan and from his own erection, he lined himself up and just teased at the relaxed hole. With slight pressure, the head of his cock breached the opening and began to ease inside. “How is that?” he murmured. 

Oh. It was exquisite. The press of Jim's erection was much different from probing fingers. For one, his cock was much thicker, and spread him open at an even rate in all directions. But it was also much more firm, giving Khan something to clench down on and hold in his body without breaking. It was exciting to feel how hard Jim was for him, but it wasn't a cold hardness, like an iron rod, it was warm and welcome. "Yes ... yes ..." Khan managed to say, even though other words were on his mind, they didn't quite make it to his tongue right now.

All systems appeared go, so Jim pushed in with a more consistent effort and just continued until their bodies locked up naturally, pressed as close as was physically possible. “Shit, you’re a furnace inside,” he breathed and just held still to get used to what had become an unfamiliar sensation, being sheathed fully inside another person. Khan’s body pulsed warm and slick around him, and Jim struggled not to get carried away and begin to pound into the welcoming depths. “Is this good for you, māśūqa?” he asked, checking verbally what his eyes told him was a positive (very positive) response.

The slow penetration and deep union of their bodies helped release a low moan from Khan's chest. It was deeply satisfying, to have Jim fill him, to be tucked so perfectly into his own body. Though it was a tight fit right now, Khan associated no pain with the experience. Just a sweet ecstasy, that this was right. "Yes ... so very good." Khan purred, offering gentle, submissive kisses to Jim along his jaw and lips. Khan might be an augment, a fierce warrior, but like this, he belonged entirely to Jim Kirk. And he liked that. His heart and his body was for Jim.

Jim sealed their mouths for a long, sweet kiss and pulled back only when breath became paramount, not to mention impatience. “Let us see if we can do better,” he murmured and braced himself, hands tight on Khan’s hips. “Much better.” He picked up a smooth rhythm of thrusting, hips angled to push in as deep as possible, while hitting his prostate every time. Still, he maintained a slow pace to begin with, to get Khan used to being penetrated, as well as keep himself from orgasming way too soon.

Not wanting to accidently push Jim out or buck him off, Khan carefully drew up his knees, needing a slightly change of position for his legs, though in doing so, he then hooked his right leg over Jim's hip, finding this small alteration very comfortable. Soon after this slight shift, Khan slipped easily back into gasps and soft panting noises as his body was flooded with sensations. Uncertain what to do with his hands, and being unable to focus too long on what Jim did in these situations, Khan reached up to find a hand hold along the back of Jim's neck. In place of words however, Khan just nodded his head for the moment, accepting and processing each and every thrust into his body. 

Jim used the hands on Khan’s hips to begin to pull his lover back into each move, even as his thrusts sped up and increased their power. He began to moan with the powerful surges of pleasure that started from his center and radiated outward in every direction through his body. Wanting to be united more even than they were, he sought out Khan’s lips for a passionate kiss and slipped his tongue inside, seeking out the secrets of his mouth. His right hand loosened to stroke up and down Khan’s side and the curve of his ass. 

A sweet sensation began to rise up Khan's back, as if Jim had been stroking his spine for hours until it started to go pleasantly numb. The fucking felt amazing. Khan understood the pleasure Jim usually felt when he was receiving a lot better now. Body flushed, Khan turned his head so that he could look down, watch how Jim pressed into his body, mesmerized by the sight of Jim sheathing himself, over and over. Then lifting his gaze, Khan curled into his lover as much as possible, back rounded and face tucked against Jim's neck, Khan kissed and whispered as he held on. "... Yours ... love you, Jim ..." The soft stream of consciousness was mixed in with heavy moans and Khan's lips brushing Jim's skin. 

Best sex of Jim’s life, bar none. Khan’s words, backed by obvious emotions (that made Jim want to hold him tighter). Khan’s ridiculously amazing body, which both curled into and clutched around him like his lover never wanted to be parted. The heat between them nearly scorched Jim’s skin in the pleasantest of ways, so that he responded himself by trying to slide even deeper inside Khan, a physically impossibility at this point. 

“Yes, Noonien,” he answered, all thoughts of games far swept from his mind. “I’m yours, too.” Jim’s climax came unexpected, though he also felt it had been building forever, and despite their recent activities, he filled Khan’s body to overflowing with release, as if he were trying to mate them. Spots danced in his eyes, and he was just conscious enough to bring a hand between them to tug at Khan and try to give him similar pleasure.

"Ah-! Jim-" Khan cried out with excitement, not pain. His body had become very receptive in those last few minutes, accepting Jim's deep thrusts, hips rolling as Jim pushed into him. "Yes." He had growled softly as Jim spilled his seed. Khan clung to Jim hard, legs locking around his back not wanting this union to be over. It felt incredible, to feel the hot slick try to spill out of him, but mostly unable to as long as Jim remained where he was. Kissing and licking Jim on the neck, Khan whimpered, trying to grind back into what was left of his lover's erection as he came with a shudder, making a mess of Jim's fingers.

Jim’s hips continued little, inadvertent jerks into Khan’s willing body, as the other man spurted all over his hand and between both of them. Still, his only-too-human weaknesses caught up with him, and he pulled out to avoid sensitivity from turning into pain. But it was with regret, which he voiced with a little groan, and a series of gentle strokes to Khan’s still spurting cock. “You’re so perfect, Noonien,” he murmured and leaned in for a long kiss to seal their union. “Sorry I didn’t last longer. You were too good.” He caressed Khan’s right cheek with the back of his right hand.

Khan slid a hand over his own stomach, as if wanting to hold onto the feeling of Jim being inside of him. But he was distracted from the loss by kissing his lover deeply, sucking on his tongue and softly moaning as he breathed out. Then turning his head, Khan leaned into the touch, eyelids lightly closed. "You will do that to me again, sometime, won't you?" He asked, choosing to open his eyes just then, looking at Jim with happy, but slightly wild pleasure. 

Jim snorted a light laugh and said, “As often as you want, Noonien, but I’d like to switch off, too. Nothing like mixing it up to keep things exciting between lovers.” He considered this for a moment and then said, “Nah, I could never tire of you, even if we never had sex again, only snuggled.” Through the haze of afterglow and languidness that dragged at him, he surveyed his augment with a mix of smugness and softer regard. “I’m glad you enjoyed it enough to want a repeat. That was seriously the best sex I’ve ever had...possibly tied with the first time you seriously topped me.” 

Initially, Khan's brain reworked Jim's words into a slightly distressing thought. He needed to keep things constantly interesting for Jim to be happy with him? He needed to keep it exciting, or Jim would grow bored with him? But then Jim amended his comment, and Khan's worry drifted. Jim was happy with him. And would remain happy with him, regardless of the nature of their bedroom activities. Ok. That was a relief.

Khan gently pulled at Jim so that he would move closer, lay on top of him even. "It felt amazing, having you inside ... holding me ... it will be wonderful, to surrender to you again, Jim. Just as it will be wonderful to have you moaning beneath me once more."

Jim arranged himself to half-drape over Khan, one shoulder on the mattress, and one leg over Khan’s. He rested his head on the pillow beside Khan’s and pressed a kiss to his forehead, nuzzling into the soft hair. “It’ll all be wonderful, Noonien,” he murmured and tightened his hold on his lover. “As long as it’s the two of us.” He yawned and tucked his face even closer into Khan’s hair, nudging his forehead. “Thank you for being willing to try something new.”

Khan watched as Jim began to settle in with a little smile. "Thank you, for being willing to try this with me, too." Jim had done well, being responsible for Khan's care and wellbeing to make this a positive first experience. Khan closed his eyes, relaxing into the hold Jim had on him. But it would be a little while before he would find post-coital rest, as his mind was busy with what had happened, and all the things that he and Jim would, and could do together in the future.


	12. Chapter 12

The soft babble of voices indicated that in the ten minutes since Bones left to retrieve some additional hyposprays something unexpected had occurred.  He entered Sickbay with a full head of steam, expecting to find some poor hapless ensign from Engineering had manage to land her or his self in medical again due to some insane experiment from the crazy Scot.  Instead, he found Chapel and two other nurses standing uncertainly in front of one of the quarantine rooms, wherein Mr. Singh had sealed himself.  “What the Hell is going on here?” he asked, pushing forward.  He activated the comm into the room and said, “I hope you have a good reason for your actions, Mr. Singh.  Why have you locked yourself in there?”

Pressing a button on the wall, Khan watched as a small platform extended from the wall at hip level. It was often used as a workstation, or in immediate need, a temporary bed or examination table. "There is something wrong with me, Doctor." Khan said with barely a look over his shoulder. He was now accessing panels on the wall for equipment, before McCoy revoked his login privileges. "I am feeling unwell." He said with a frown, already setting himself the task of drawing blood and skin samples from his own arm. "And if my immunity has succumbed to an illness, you are all at risk."

Bones frowned and waved away all of the nurses, save Chapel.  “Please call Jim, would you?” he asked her, having disconnected from the room for a moment.  “He always has the best luck with Mr. Singh.”  

After she left, he turned his attentions back to Mr. Singh and pressed the button again.  “How about you give me a rundown of your symptoms?” he asked, since he knew it would be impossible to convince the other man out of his current course of action without evidence.  Besides, it wasn’t like the idea of the augment being sick didn’t send a chill down his spine, though the chances of his having contracted an infectious disease were low, given their latest sets of missions.

"I have been experiencing stomach pain all morning, it is a dull but relentless feeling. I have developed a severe headache in the last hour, and my eyes are proving sensitive to light." Khan said, pausing as he scanned his eyes, took his temperature and two separate oral samples, one from his tongue, one from the back of his throat. After which, he asked the computer to dim the lights to relieve him of that particular discomfort at least. Khan then proceeded to link his data with McCoy's display on the outside of the quarantine room.

“Have you taken a blood sample yet?” Bones asked, surveying the results, which showed nothing unusual.  “And were these the first signs of anything off, or have you noticed other things, not painful, but different?”  He ran the symptoms through the catalog of illnesses in his head, as well as through the computer, but there were too many possibilities to be useful.  

"Yes, Doctor. I have." Khan said, approaching the glass that separated Khan from the rest of the crew of the Enterprise. The augment had been here before, locked away, with others able to observe him without refuge. But in this case, it had been his choice. For the safety of the crew, it was important to observe disease control protocols. "I have been urinating more than usual the last three days, but the escalation of my symptoms today is what has truly alarmed me." After all, anything that had a low incubation period in the augment, a virus that his engineered immunity could not withstand, was very serious indeed.

Bones linked himself to the sample Khan had taken and decided to run a broad spectrum test, not limiting the results to any particular type of ailment, be it infection, virus, cancer, allergy or anything else possible.  “Those are not that serious as symptoms go,” he reassured the augment absently, “though I understand how they might alarm you.”  He waited on the computer, while asking, “Do you have any ideas in that overactive brain of yours?”

At that moment, Jim burst into Sickbay and beelined for Bones.  “What’s going on?” he demanded, eyes instantly on Khan in the quarantine room.  “What’s wrong with Khan?”  He pressed himself close to the observation window, wanting to be as near as possible to the other man.

"Not at the moment, Doctor-" Khan had begun to answer. Then as Jim appeared on the scene, Khan moved towards the barrier to address Jim face to face. "I am feeling unwell, Jim." He said, torn between speaking to Jim on familiar terms or to address him by his title as Captain, since he was reporting facts. "Therefore, as a precaution to the safety of your crew, I have quarantined myself, until the exact nature of my illness can be determined, and whether or not I am a risk to others."

Jim swallowed hard at the notion of Khan being sick and turned worried eyes on Bones for a second, before returning them to Khan.  “Shouldn’t you be lying down or something, if you’re unwell?  And Bones, shouldn’t you be in there with him?” he asked, turning ire filled eyes on his best friend.

“Calm down,” Bones said, though not unkindly.  “First thing, he’d already locked himself in there by the time I heard he was feeling unwell.  Second thing, his symptoms are not that severe right now.  And third thing, I’m having the computer run some tests now on a blood sample he took to see if-”  The computer interrupted him with an insistent beep.  “And here the results are now.”  He turned to read them and found himself blinking rather rapidly a few times at the screen.  

“Well?” Jim asked impatiently.

“Uh,” Bones said.  “Let me just check these results ... Mr. Singh, do you mind running an abdominal scan on yourself?”

Khan gave a single nod and backed away from the glass so that he could use the equipment at hand. Knowing that the piece of technology was very sensitive, Khan pressed his back up against the wall in place of laying down, so that his stomach would remain flat while he lifted his shirt and began to scan his abdomen in a thorough grid-pattern. With his thumb on the side of the scanner, Khan sent instant updates of each quadrant for McCoy to observe first hand. "Doctor?" Khan asked, half holding his breath to keep the scans as perfect as he could.

“What are you looking for, Bones?” Jim asked, gaze darting between his lover and his best friend anxiously.  “For fuck sake, I’m ordering you to tell me.”

Bones ignored both men, eyes intent on the results of the scan.  And there it was, tiny, but obvious to the scanners and his own trained eye.  “Son-of-a bitch,” he murmured and turned his own gaze to Khan with something like awe.   Finally, the urgent requests of the two men seemed to reach his consciousness, and he waved a hand at them both.  “There’s nothing wrong with you, Mr. Singh ... exactly.  Nothing that’s dangerous, anyway, to the rest of us.  But I think you and Jim need to be sitting down for this.  Please let us in.”

Setting the medical equipment aside, Khan pulled at the hem of his shirt to flatten out the folds and wrinkles so that his stomach was covered again. He had come to trust Doctor McCoy during their time together, even if he never truly forgot how the man had once dangerously tricked him. But that was a long time ago, and Khan was no longer that man. Still, McCoy wouldn't risk his friend, Jim Kirk, or any of the others if there was any doubt. "Very well, Doctor." Khan said, fingers typing in his override several times to confirm that the room should no longer be under lockdown.

Jim frowned at Bones and entered the room to go grab Khan’s right hand.  “What were you thinking, locking yourself in?  If you were really sick, you need Bones to help you out, not lock yourself away from all assistance!”  He turned his scowl on Bones.  “Now, what’s all the damn secrecy?”

Bones scowled right back and said, “I told you to both to sit and I meant it.”  He paced the small room once and then turned to both of them.  “I don’t pretend to understand a lot about the biology of augments, other than what I’ve learned since you joined the crew, Mr. Singh.  With anyone else, what I’m about to tell you would be impossible, but seemingly, having altered DNA means that other things are ... flexible, too.”

“Fucking hell, Bones, will you cut to the goddamn chase?” Jim demanded, patience (which was never great) at an end.  

Bones glared at Jim and said, “Congratulations, gentlemen, you’re about to be proud fathers.”

For a moment, Khan just stared at Doctor McCoy with a small, but growing frown. It felt like the Doctor was suddenly speaking in another language, one that he had no previous experience with. It therefore made it difficult to understand what McCoy was trying to tell him. And yet without really thinking about it, Khan slid his free hand across his own stomach.

The pain he had felt. "I am growing a womb." He said quietly, not needing to see the results on the scanner. He knew, now. Looking down, Khan thumbed over the area very gently, then turned his eyes on Jim. Though his expression was very controlled, Khan was afraid of what Jim would say or do in these next few minutes.

“Holy shit,” Jim breathed and sat down with a heavy thunk on the biobed, eyes wide and disbelieving.  “You’re growing a womb?  You’re pregnant?  Fucking Hell.”

Bones patted Jim once on the shoulder and said, “I’ll leave you two to talk about this in private and decide what you want to do.  After, we can talk more from a medical side.”  He nodded to them both and headed for the door, making sure it closed behind him to give them privacy.

Khan kept his hand on his stomach, but was the first to address the subject. "This is unexpected." He said, took a deep breath, then continued. "And not a conversation I expected we would have ..." Khan then dropped his hand away from his stomach, guarded against showing such frailty right now. "Can you please tell me what you are thinking, Jim?"

“I, uh- fuck, Noonien, I don’t know that I have a thought in my head right now,” Jim admitted and turned to look at his lover, before reaching for him.  “Guess, first thing is, I’m glad you’re not really sick.  When Christine commed me and said you had quarantined yourself ... all I could think of was that you must be nearly dead or something.  I was fucking terrified.”  He paused in his words and squeezed the hands he now held.  “I’m still terrified, but now for a new reason.  A baby ... a father ... I can’t even wrap my head around the idea.  What are you thinking?”

"I am sorry that I scared you, Jim. I was worried for the immediate safety of your crew, if my immune system had succumbed to a virus." Khan answered to Jim's first fears. "You don't have to be a father." He then added, "And neither do I." Khan glanced to their joined hands, hoping it would last, but nevertheless worried that Jim would pull away from him. "I would like you to consider ... I would like you to take a few days to think about, how you would feel if I carry this baby to term. If you want to be its father, or if that does not interest you."

“You want to be a father,” Jim guessed from the way Khan said that and looked at his lover’s abdomen with open awe.  “You want the baby.”  He ran a hand through his hair, without letting go of the augment with his other hand.  “I- I would never ask you to give up a child, our child, if you wanted it. Him. Her.  Jesus, I don’t know that I’m equipped to be a father, Noonien.  It’s not like I ever had any role models to follow.  And we’re five years in deep space.  It’s not much of a place to raise a child, Noonien.  And you, will you be all right?  I mean, you’re growing a womb ... is that something other augments have done?”

"I haven't decided." Khan said, remaining calm. But his decision would ultimately rely heavily on Jim's attitude towards the child. If Jim didn't want the child, but allowed Khan to carry it to term, then they would likely remain separate as a couple from then on. Or if Jim wanted the child, but did not want to be much involved, that too was important to know. Or if Jim wanted the child, then Khan would have to decide if he wanted it too. "I too will take a few days to think about it."

There was so much to say, and yet Khan was hesitant, taking his time to process all the variations of their situation. "No other augments, to my knowledge have ever become pregnant." Though that had mostly likely changed by now, with his former people long since settled. "But in theory, we are all capable of it. As a means to provide greater strength in genetic diversity we might pass on ... under the right conditions, females are capable of ejaculating small amounts of semen, while males are capable of growing wombs to grow a child."

“So, you’ll be safe and healthy?” Jim asked.  “Cause honestly, that’s my first concern, Noonien.  If this is going to be dangerous for you ... well, I think that changes the equation quite a bit, don’t you?  But yeah, getting used to the idea may help.”  He chuckled suddenly and shook his head at Khan.  “Never thought we’d have to use birth control …”  He found himself consumed with giggles and knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he was a bit hysterical.  In dangerous situations, he was calm and cool, but put him in an emotional situation, and he was likely to wig out.  “Sorry,” he managed to hiccup around the inappropriate laughter.  “I guess I wasn’t ready for this.”

"I cannot say, with any certainty." If it wasn't safe, Khan felt his body wouldn't allow for it. But still, it left some serious questions in his mind. A primary concern, for instance, was that he didn't exactly have a birthing canal. Would he develop one? Would the child have to be surgically removed? Would it be born another way?

"I apologize to you, Jim." Khan said, meaning it, even though he was otherwise being very careful with his feelings right now. "My capacity to carry a child is something I was aware of in theory. I never expected the conditions to be right ... but I should have informed you of the possibility, regardless. I apologize, Jim, for any deception. It was not intentional."

“What? No. The idea never occurred to me; I mean that you deliberately withheld anything from me,” Jim said, calming down at Khan’s seriousness.  “We’ll talk to Bones about the medical part.  That will help us make at least an informed decision.”  He breathed out a long sigh and offered a pathetic smile at Khan.  “This is one conversation I never thought I’d be having, either.  I was always so careful in the past. Trust you to even be better at fertility.”  He smiled, small, but genuine, at his lover.

"I'm sorry." Khan moved his fingers slightly, testing to see if Jim was waiting for an excuse to let go. But he gave a slow squeeze of their hands and then offered a light kiss to the side of Jim's face. Jim was still his family, Jim was still the man he loved. But this could change many things. Jim might no longer be attracted to Khan now, might think of him differently and no longer wish to share intimacy with him, or even touch or kiss him any more. Then leaving the privacy of the quarantine room, Khan would look to Doctor McCoy for more answers, even though the doctor likely knew just as much as Khan did on the subject.

“Hey, wait, where are you going?” Jim asked and darted after him, not quite liking the way the augment pulled away from him.  “Noonien?”  He would have liked the chance to respond to Khan’s almost timid kiss.    

Khan paused, regarding Jim, confused. "You said you wanted to speak with Doctor McCoy. We should do that together, shouldn't we?" It was Khan's body, but it affected them both after all.

“Well, yes, but I honestly didn’t think our talk was over quite yet,” Jim said, eyes wide and sincere.  “And I wanted to reassure you that you had nothing to apologize for.”  He glanced around and then tugged at Khan to encourage him back somewhere private.  When they were not in listening range of anyone, he continued, “Noonien, you have nothing to apologize for.  If anyone does, I do, for being so useless in my response.  You want the truth, my initial feeling when Bones told us you were pregnant, was amazement that you and I could have a child that was the two of us blended.  Like ... wow, that’s awesome.”

"I am forcing you into making a decision, you never wanted to make. To me, that is something to apologize for. You have expressed before, that the crew of the Enterprise is the only family you require, that children, including a settled life, is not for you." Khan refrained from touching his stomach again, not wanting to get too attached to the idea. "This is not a burden I expected to ever put on you, Jim. And I hope you do not begrudge me later for it, whatever the final decision."

Khan paused for a long minute, there was more he wanted to say, and Jim, as his friend or as his lover, was really the only person he wanted to have this conversation with. "May I tell you, why I think this happened, Jim?"

“Well, I admit that it’s unexpected, and we’ll have to consider all the angles, but it’s still not something you need to apologize for or worry that this will come between us,” Jim said.  “I don’t want that.  No.  I refuse to even consider that I’d be that much of a bastard about it, despite my family history.”  He took one of Khan’s hands and squeezed tenderly.  “Now, yes, tell me why you think this happened.”

"The simple answer is to say, the conditions were right." Khan was grateful that Jim had taken his hand to hold again. "The Enterprise has become my home. To me, it is a safe environment. It provides the food, and shelter, and stimulation I need ... that my child would need. Meanwhile ..." Khan searched Jim's eyes, not wanting him to take offence, but to see it as a matter of scientific fact, "my body recognized your genetics, as a compatible, worthy match. If not, my body would have rejected your seed and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Jim took a few moments to consider everything Khan said and then concluded, “Basically, your body is ready for and wanting a child and decided unconsciously, the same as you did consciously, that I was a good partner.  That’s- a pretty fucking huge compliment, really.  To both me and this ship and her crew.  You feel safe.  At home.”  He cleared a strange lump from his throat and glanced himself at Khan’s abdomen.  It looked the same as always right now, but Jim knew now that under the exterior, his lover’s body was adapting to a new reality, the development of a baby.  “We’ll make it work,” he blurted.  “I don’t know how we’ll do it exactly, but we will, Noonien.”

"You ... don't want to think about this longer?" Khan asked, not daring to get his hopes up in case he had misunderstood. Jim wanted this baby? Jim wanted them to have this baby together? They would make it work? Khan's headache from before still remained, and these new worries didn't help. Guiding Jim's hand to his hip, Khan moved into his lover's arms, wrapping one arm around his waist in return. "I could use a hug." He said quietly, unable to worry about how others saw them together just then.

“No,” Jim said decidedly, stepping close to wrap his arms around the augment in a tight hug.  All of his best decisions had been made spontaneously, including choosing to join Starfleet, so why should this be any different?  If he thought about it for too long, he’d probably freak out, but he seldom regretted these crazy leaps that he made and hoped this would be a similar time.  “I want to do this ... even if I am terrified.”  He squeezed Khan more tightly and then kissed him, much more passionately than the kiss Noonien had given him just a little time before.

Khan held Jim very tightly in return, needing this secure experience. "Thank you, Jim." He whispered between their lips, then kissed his lover again, happy and scared and deeply in love with the idea of having a child together.

“You didn’t want time to think about it, did you?” Jim asked with a firm gaze on Khan.  “You wanted the baby the moment you knew that was what was going on.”  He shook his head at his lover a little, but a smile played around his mouth.  “Now, we should talk about this with Bones. The way you talk, I doubt that your body isn’t going to be able to handle this, but we should find out about all of the possible repercussions and difficulties.  Somehow, I think that there will be many twists and turns to this before the birth ... oh, are we going to find out the gender of the baby or wait?”  His mind whirled with this first implications of becoming a father.  “I think I’d like a girl.  Or a boy.  It doesn’t matter.”

"The only thing I needed to think about, was what to do, if you didn't want the child. Because you are right, the moment I understood what was happening, I wanted to keep your baby." Khan pressed his face into the side of Jim's head, nuzzling his temple briefly before kissing it and pulling back a little. "It is far too soon to determine the sex of the child, but when the time comes, if you would like to, we can find out together."

“Ours, not just mine, Noonien.  And we need to make sure that we don’t keep things from each other, especially now, ” Jim said and stroked his long hair.  He scraped his teeth lightly over Khan’s lower lip and stepped back, still keeping hold of his lover’s hand.  “Let’s go talk to Bones now.  We have a lot to discuss with him.  Do you want to wait here and have me bring the doctor in?  This still seems like a very private conversation to me, best had in here.”    

Khan lit up a little at the playful bite. Perhaps things would stay the same between them after all. "Yes, Jim. Thank you." Remaining in the private alcove, Khan indulged his curiosity by once more placing his hand over the flat of his stomach. He was smiling to himself now. With Khan and Jim, and their friends on the Enterprise, the child would be well loved, and well protected.

Bones and Jim returned a moment later and the doctor patted the biobed in the room, saying, “Mr. Singh, please have a comfortable seat up here.  I’d like to give you a full physical and get as much of a baseline of your condition as we can, since you already have a viable embryo forming inside you.  Also, I’d like to discuss augmented biology.”  He glanced between the two men.  “It’s up to you if Jim stays.”

“I’d like to be here, Noonien,” Jim said, “but as things stand, it’s completely up to you.”

Sitting on the edge of the biobed, the augment could not help but appear rigid. He had been the subject of examination so many times, Khan generally managed a dissociative coldness towards it all. Except this time, he would need to be engaged in the process. "Thank you, Doctor." Khan said, truly respecting and appreciating being given the choice on the matter. "I would like Jim to stay, to be a part of these conversations and my examination."

Jim smiled and moved to stand at Khan’s side, but out of Bones’ way, near the head of the bed.  “Thank you, Noonien.  I’ll try not to get too much in the way, Bones,” he assured his friend.

Bones started a general physical exam, recording the differences between Khan’s body now and from his last examination.  “First, based on your reactions, this was definitely not a planned event.  I want to ask first if there is any precedence in augment biology for male pregnancy.  Anything I might be able to find in the literature to help us know what might be expected.”  

Khan was obedient as McCoy did his examinations. There was no lingering bitterness or resentment for the man doing his job, even if some of the actions, offering his arm for a sample, or submitting himself to other aspects of the examination were uncomfortably familiar. "The only literature, I suspect, would have been the research notes of my creator, Dr. Kaur. If any of the material has survived over the years, it would be highly controlled and classified information through Section 31. To my knowledge Doctor, I am the first augment who has fulfilled their potential to breed, as there was no sense of security on Earth at the time for such things."

“So, it’s not completely a surprise, but the chance of finding out anything helpful would be very difficult and unlikely,” Bones said with a little frown.  “At least you know it’s possible, so that means your body should be adaptable.  And you’re damn strong and capable of surviving much in the way of stress, which should work in your favor.”  He made a few notes on his PADD.  “Ordinarily, I would walk a pregnant mother through all of the steps of what to expect, but unfortunately, I’ve got no idea what will happen in this case.  Well, much less of an idea.  I would assume that the embryo will develop in the same way as all human embryos develop, but we’ll keep a close eye on that, too.  In fact, I’d like to set-up a weekly appointment for at least the first month or so.”

"Yes, Doctor McCoy. I agree." Khan was indeed resilient, but in this area he was untested. His body would need to adapt and alter itself in order to make room for the child. It would likely be an uncomfortable experience, since males were not designed for such things, as human females were, after years of evolution.  "At the end of this, you will likely have quite the publication on your hands." Khan said, trying to show that he was unthreatened by this aspect of becoming someone's research project. In this situation at least.

Bones’ face became extremely unfriendly for a second, before he said, “That was the absolute last thing on my mind, Mr. Singh.  Your health, and the health of your child, are the only things I was worrying about.  And in fact, I was very much certain that you would want all of this kept in complete privacy, which I was about to assure you of.  I’m a doctor, not a gossip-monger.”  

“Bones,” Jim admonished softly and reached out to take one of Khan’s hands, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles.  

The doctor looked sheepish for a moment and cleared his throat.  “Yeah, sorry.  I just- I wouldn’t do that to either of you … or your child.  Congratulations, by the way.  I think this calls for a round of beers, and a soda for you, Mr. Singh.”

Khan wanted to correct McCoy, to clarify that was not what he meant by that comment at all. That he did trust him and did appreciate his discretion. But the damage was done, there was no point. "Thank you, Doctor." Khan said simply, as he let Jim handle him. After so many months of working together, how was it that Khan could not manage a normal conversation with McCoy? Professional. Scientific. No problem. But anything personal, anything that involved Jim Kirk, and both of them got touchy.

“Of course, Mr. Singh,” Bones said and nodded once at his patient.  “I’m glad we agree on the appointments.  If things seem to be going well, we can probably make them monthly for awhile, before switching back to weekly closer to the birth.  I’m going to start you on all the pre-natal vitamins and dietary recommendations and see if your unique situation requires any changes to those.  Also, I do want you to be alert for anything that seems above and beyond the aches and pains of your body adapting to this situation- sharp pains, changes that are abrupt or extreme- things of that nature.  Frankly, I also recommend you consider counseling of some sort ... both of you, since this is a rather unanticipated development and one that has a lot of repercussions.  Healthy emotions are also essential to a healthy pregnancy.”  He blew out a breath.  “Nurse Chapel is a skilled pediatrics specialist for when the time comes to discuss preparing for the birth of the newborn and what adaptations this ship, her crew and the parents need to make.  Do you have any questions?”

The truth of it was, Khan was counting on the crew of the Enterprise for support, just as he would have counted on his family. So the augment was agreeable to Doctor McCoy's advice, listening and accepting it as he would a valued member his personal advisors. Though he did find it interesting that this of all things, having a child, would be cause enough for him to seek counselling. Of all the horrific sights and deeds he had seen and he had caused, this is where he needed therapy? And yet, Khan understood.

"Undoubtedly, there will be many questions to come." Several hundreds that were on his mind now, but that he would answer for himself. "However, in this moment ... I would like to ask you, Doctor McCoy, if I may continue to work as scheduled in the medical lab." Khan would take it hard if McCoy refused him a place here, now, simply due to his change in circumstances.

“Of course,” Bones said with another little frown.  “Unless at some point your health requires bed rest.  It happens in difficult pregnancies, even now, and it’s a possibility in this case.  For the moment, there are not a lot of restrictions I feel are necessary, but I also trust your own judgement when it comes to stressing your body.  You understand your limits instinctively and I know you won’t do anything to endanger your child.  Still, I’ll give you information on some common risks, as well as some information on some of the added dangers of being in deep space.”  He glanced at Jim with a knowing expression.  “You won’t be the first person to carry a baby to term in space.”

"Thank you, Doctor." Khan said, following his line of sight to look at Jim too. Perhaps they would see to it that this time, this child, would be born into a loving family, with both parents living. It was true, Khan would not do anything to endanger himself, and therefore endanger his child. And he hoped that Jim would approach this with a similar way of thinking. "Perhaps ... might either of you be able to answer, will this child be considered a citizen of the Federation?"

Bones gestured to Jim and said, “That’s not my area of expertise, so I’ll leave that to you, Jim.”

“I’m really not sure,” Jim admitted.  “We don’t have an official status as a couple, so that doesn’t come into play.  But we can definitely change that.  I’m a citizen of Earth and the Federation, and you’re a citizen of Earth, so our baby will at least be that.  But I guess it also depends on if you want our child to be a citizen of the Federation, too.  I know you have legitimate worries about the organization, so we’ll have to talk about that.”  He turned a sudden, nearly bleached, white and said, “Oh fuck, I just realized I have to report this to Starfleet.  We should talk about that, too-  Bones, will you put together some medical language for us?”

The idea that the child could be a citizen of Earth, without being born there was some comfort to Khan. The child would always have a home it could go back to. Perhaps Jim would show ... no, no there was no sense in romanticizing the idea of Jim showing their child the historic sites of Earth, what was left of natural wonders or any of the great cities. That was fantasy, and a distant future. The present was enough to focus on. "Will you be reprimanded?" Khan asked.

“I really don’t know what their response will be,” Jim admitted.  “Admiral Komack may burst a few blood vessels- But frankly, it’s not like anyone could foresee this outcome, though we may need to be prepared for you to be accused of that, but it’s not like I could foresee it for sure, and there’s no regulations against our relationship, so the worst they can do is yell at me a lot for deciding to trust you in an intimate relationship.  We’re too far away to be ordered back and far too successful at what we’re accomplishing, anyway.  One consolation is that we can’t live communicate with them at this distance, so we’ll be sending recordings back and forth to each other.  We can decide very carefully what to say and how.”

Bones continued to run tests and perform scans in the background, compiling information on a PADD to give to the prospective parents, as well.  Later, he knew he’d need a bit of bourbon to fully absorb this event, but for now, professionalism carried him through.  

Perhaps in his own version of shock, Khan was simply listening to what the others had to say. What McCoy had to say that was medically relevant, and what Jim had to say about future conversations they were to have, with one another and with Starfleet. "In preparation for your report to Starfleet, perhaps Jim, we could first talk, if and how you wish to announce recent events to the crew ... my situation will become obvious."

“Yes, I guess it will,” Jim said, “but that decision is mostly up to you, Noonien.  I am happy to follow your lead in how and when to tell the crew.  Some people, like Spock, we may need to tell early and in private.  In fact, it’s probably best.  As a whole, there are a lot of ways we can do it, right up to holding a Baby Shower for you.  I know some crewmembers who’d be all about that.”

“Christine,” Bones muttered from behind them.  

"Yes, perhaps observing this tradition would be a friendly, beneficial way to address the subject." Khan rubbed the palms of his hands slowly together, one thumb caressing his wrist in a small effort of self-comfort before he dropped his hands away from such fidgeting behavior. "Would you care to inform Commander Spock now, Jim? He is undoubtedly aware that you left the bridge, to come to my aid in the medical bay ... he might as well know now, the reason why."

Jim placed a hand on Khan’s shoulder.  “If you’re sure.  How about we invite him to dinner and let him know in a relaxed atmosphere?  I’ll take care of the details.”

“Pardon me for butting in, but here’s the information I wanted to provide you with,” Bones said, handing a PADD to Khan.  “From the computer’s estimate, your womb, which the embryo is already successfully implanted on, will finish growing in another two days.  I anticipate you’ll feel some odd discomfort throughout.  I can probably help with that, if you want.  Once the womb is fully in place, I would anticipate the embryo to grow like normal, though we’ll keep the extra eye, especially early and late.  I’m not sure of some of the potential consequences of your enhanced DNA, either, though I’m hoping that will make things easier, rather than more difficult.

"Yes, if you would-" Khan began to answer Jim before he accepted the PADD from McCoy, scrolling slowly through the information, taking his time and allowing Jim to read over his shoulder. "Thank you, Doctor." Yes, it was already a strange feeling, having his organs pushed around to make room for the growing womb and the baby developing within. Even as they spoke, Khan had developed a slight back pain, a sore, tight feeling in his muscles. But it was easily tolerable, just something he was now aware of. But that touched on another issue. "I admit however, I am wary against the use of painkillers at this time. The dosage I would require for any sense of relief is far greater than that of human tolerance. My concern, Doctor, is that the human embryo will be damaged."

“It’s definitely a legitimate concern,” Bones agreed.  “However, we have various painkillers that were developed specifically for pregnancy so as not to affect the embryo.  I’ve included information on medicines and non-medicinal ways to ease some of the aches and pains of pregnancy.  As well as a somewhat modified ‘what to expect when you’re expecting’ pamphlet.  I’ve also put in all of your current readings, since I figure you’ll want all of that information.”  He nodded to them both.  “Now, I’ll leave you to continue your discussion.  Feel free to use this room as long as you like.  Mr. Singh, you’re excused for the rest of the shift.  I’ll expect you back tomorrow.”  

“Thanks, Bones,” Jim said as the doctor started to leave the room.  He felt very relieved to have his close friend as Khan’s caretaker in this uncertain time.  Thinking of that, he leaned in to kiss Khan’s forehead with an unusual tenderness.

Khan sighed deep and heavily, putting a few worries to rest as McCoy filled in the blanks with the answers and information he was looking for. "Thank you, Doctor." Then glanced towards Jim as the man kissed his head. Putting the PADD beside him on the biobed, Khan took a moment, aware of his lover's difficult position. "Jim ... are you alright?" he asked, feeling that it was something that should be addressed.

Jim smiled and hopped up on the biobed to sit sideways beside Khan, with his legs dangling over the edge.  “I’m alright, Noonien.  Terrified.  But excited, too.  I don’t know that I’m ready for fatherhood, but I’m going to do my best.  I have a lot to learn, too, but hell, I’ve always liked learning.”  He sighed and leaned into the other man.  “Juggling everything won’t be easy, but I guess that’s true for anyone who has children.  And what about you, Noonien?  How are you feeling about all of this?”

"I feel ..." Khan took a moment. It wasn't that he was detached from this experience, it was more so that he was processing so much at one time, it was difficult for even him to manage. "Excited, too. I want this child, Jim. It wasn't planned or expected ... but I want this sudden chaos that has been given to us. But it worries me, what Starfleet will say, how your crew will react ... especially Commander Spock."

"I do not want this to divide us. But nor do I want to make you unhappy in a commitment you do not want." Khan reached for Jim's hand, just holding it for a moment, unable to continue the line of thought that would lead to heartache.

Jim took Khan’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly.  “You think I’m going to resent the baby,” he said quietly.  “I- I don’t think I could do that, Noonien.  I’m not sure what kind of father I’ll be, mostly cause I have no idea what to do, but I wouldn’t hurt either of you that way.  I know what it’s like to be rejected by your parents, well, parent.  My mom saw only my father and his death when she looked at me, and she never tried to see anything else.  I won’t be like her.  I won’t.”  His voice was firm, chin high and eyes defiant.

“That said, we’ll have to find a way to make this work with my current duties on the Enterprise, too,” Jim continued.  “I don’t want to give up being captain, but I’ll try not to be careless with my safety, too.  I owe that to you both.”  He looked at Khan’s abdomen, trying to picture the baby there.  “I don’t want our baby to be missing a parent the way I was, either.  Guess that means a bit of curbing the crazy.”  He reached out and put a hand on Khan’s stomach without thought.  “Not gonna be easy, but between us, I guess we’re used to that, huh?”

There was nothing but the flat of Khan's stomach to feel, at least this early on. But the gesture was well received, as Khan almost immediately used both his hands to trap Jim's hand against his stomach, the child inside was theirs. Khan held Jim's gaze, deep and piercing while just holding his hand against his stomach. Theirs. Theirs.  Theirs. "This does not change how I feel about you, Jim." He said suddenly. "I still want to be your friend and lover. I still have every intention of remaining by your side, protector and companion."

Jim blinked stupidly at him and then asked with obvious confusion, “Why should it change that?  Though I presume that you’ll want to be the child’s protector and companion, as well, and for a little while, at least, you might have to get used to being treated as the more fragile one.  At least until we know what we’re dealing with in terms of how the pregnancy will work.”  He smiled slowly and said, “This child is going to be half of the both of us ... what a handful that’s going to be.”  

"Ruler of the universe." Khan said softly, mostly joking. Though he was considering Jim's words and how best to respond to what he said. "I hope you do not consider me weak, because of this, Jim. Yes, I may trade my bi-weekly sparring matches with Sulu for yoga session after a while, but not because I am fragile."

“Weak?  Fuck, no. I’m not making that fucking mistake.  Your body is reinventing itself to carry a life around in it.  That’s not exactly weak.  But it does mean that you have a second life to protect, as well as that the changes may strain your body somewhat, despite your ‘betterness.’  But don’t you dare start accusing me of thinking less of you for this, Noonien,” Jim said, dead serious.  He folded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin to look his lover in the eyes.

"Alright." Khan said, a little angrily too. Both men were being pushed into defensive positions. Perhaps it was evidence enough of just how terrified they were. But it probably wasn't good for the baby. And not in some superstitious sort of way. The baby was here because Khan felt satisfied and safe and connected with the people on the Enterprise, it was his home, just as Jim was a worthy partner. But all these fears and doubts and anxieties made it hard for Khan to feel comfortable in his environment right now, and that sort of stress probably wasn't good for a baby convinced directly out of love and happiness.

“Noonien,” Jim said quietly, “please don’t go looking for issues where none exist.  This will be difficult enough as it is.  We both know that.  The last thing we need to is to be at each other’s throats over little things.  I would never imply that you’re weak.  Women aren’t weak when they carry a child, but it still limits some of their activities and changes things like their diets.  Besides, would you care even if it did make you fragile?”

"Yes, Jim. I have seen how pregnancy treats women. I already loathe the day that I am in so much back pain, I can only tolerate lying in one position. Or tripping or rolling my ankle, because my balance and center of gravity has been altered." Khan's eyes darted across Jim's face, searching. "Jim- I have already endured having my physical form altered. And detest it. But this ... this feels ... it feels good, it feels like a part of me that I am happy to embrace ... but I don't want it to change me, I don't want it to make me fragile. That is not who I am."

“Sounds like I’m not the one you need to worry about changing opinion to me,” Jim said.  “Bones gave you the day off.  If you like, I can let Spock know that I need the rest of the shift off, too, and we can determine how to tell him.  Have a nice lunch and maybe even try to be happy about this for a few minutes, instead of instantly drowning in our worries.”  He put a hand on Khan’s right shoulder and squeezed once.

In the future, Khan would need more support than this. It was not what he wanted, but it was how things would likely be for a while. Turning inward, Khan began to approach this differently. He would revert back to old habits. He would take care of himself. He would take care of this child. If Jim tagged along with interest and support, then all the better. But Khan wouldn't depend on it to get him through the day. And that scared him. He didn't want to do this alone.

"Yes, Jim. If you like."

Jim sighed and allowed his shoulders to slump a little.  “I’m trying to ask what you want, Noonien.  How about you tell me what you’d like to do?”  He didn’t understand what had just happened.  They’d made a huge, life-changing decision, one Khan seemed happy about (Hell, one Jim was happy about, beyond the sheer, bone-wrenching terror) and then a few words that the augment chose to take all wrong and Khan was beyond testy, to accusatory, even.  Maybe it was hormones?  What the Hell did Jim know how this might work?  All he knew was that he had no directions, not even a compass to guide him along.  

For a moment, Khan just sat there, not even blinking before he scoffed and shook his head at the request he was about to make. "I want baked macaroni and cheese. Cinnamon candy. And to sit on the observation deck for a few hours." Mismatched comfort foods and somewhere he could let his brain zone out to find some peace with the therapeutic sight of deep space.

“Sounds excellent,” Jim said.  “Would you like me to join you there?”  He would try not to take it to heart if the augment said no.  This was a lot to take in, so he could understand if the man wanted some time to himself to reflect on it all.  Hell, all things considered, Jim should probably be glad at how sedate the reaction was.  Fuck knows, he’d probably have had a panic attack and fainted, before having a screaming fit and fainting again.  Before punching a few objects and breaking his hand ... maybe both hands.  This was rather better than those scenarios.

"I won't be much for conversation, Jim. But I would like your company, if you are willing." Khan said, moving off the biobed to stand. He swallowed. Tears were just one word away, one push in the wrong direction. But instead of letting himself cave, Khan pushed through it. "I think I might stop by my room and get the tribble." Though the animal was a well cared for pet, Khan hadn't needed the animal in some time to help him cope with the depression he had faced at the loss of his family or his sense of loneliness and isolation. But now he needed the little ball of non-judgmental fur to purr and cuddle him and soothe his high strung nerves.

“Shall I get the food?  I can get you something to drink, too, if you like,” Jim said, trying to feel his way carefully and speaking with no hint of implying that Khan was incapable of doing anything himself.  “Since you’re getting the tribble.  I can give Spock a comm while I’m waiting for it and let him know I’m taking the rest of the shift off.  We can decide when we want to tell him as soon as you’re ready to do so.  How does that sound?”  

This settled with greater ease in Khan's head. Jim was being supportive, not as captain, not out of duty, but because he wanted to be a good partner to Khan. This is what the augment needed, a genuine partner. Someone he could count on, to help keep him stable when he felt adrift. "Please. Thank you, Jim." Khan paused, then added. "We can tell Commander Spock when he goes off duty this evening. Or you can approach him alone, if you think that would be better received."

“I’d like us to be a united front on this, Noonien,” Jim said.  “In all things, including telling Mr. Spock about it.  He’s a mostly logical being and will be less inclined to question if he sees that we’re together about wanting a child.  I think he’ll also be in our court, once he understands.  That will be invaluable in so many ways.”  He smiled a little at the other man, trying to regain some of their earlier good feeling.  “Maybe we can even make him godfather.  What do you think?”

"Then we will inform him, together." Khan did trust Jim in this sense at least, if he could convince Spock that this was a good thing that was going to happen and could gain his support on the issue, then Khan had no doubt that their future dealings with Starfleet and other crewmembers could be managed. Perhaps the Vulcan could even help Khan clear his mind, but that would require a certain level of trust and friendship, that two just didn't have. So the concept of making Spock godfather was far from his mind. "If it is a tradition that is important to you, I will consider it."

“Well, it’s more than a tradition,” Jim said.  “If anything were to happen to us, he would be the one to take care of our child.  And Uhura.  I think they’d be an ideal choice for parents, if we were for any reason incapable of doing so ourselves.  Not that I anticipate it, but we do live more dangerously than most people.  Especially ones who are planning to have children.”  He touched Khan’s abdomen again without thought and then cringed.  “Sorry.  I should have asked before I did that.  Do you mind?”

"I will consider it." Khan repeated, trying not to let the idea of both of them dying become a new worry for his mind. Lowering his eyes, Khan did not hold Jim's hand there this time, nor held his gaze. This time, he just watched. "I don't mind, Jim. I know there is nothing noticeable to feel right now ... but I keep wanting to touch, to do the same, just to check ..." Khan slid his own hand over his stomach slowly, "It's foolish and illogical that anything would have changed ... and yet, I want to feel that connection. And I am pleased that you do too."

“Yeah, it’s almost instinctive, really,” Jim murmured.  “I want to be close to our child, even though only a few cells make up that child right now.  And I want to be close to you, Noonien.”  He pulled his hand away with a last brush of his fingertips.  “It’s not foolish to desire a further closeness to your child.”  In some ways, he was envious of how close Khan would be to their child, to be the one carrying the baby to term.  Although he knew he’d be ridiculously unfit to do so and that their baby would be in much better hands with Khan.       

These were the things that Khan needed to hear. That Jim wanted to be close to their child. That this was not just another reckless adventure he dove into head first, but something he wanted, now that it had happened, and was ready to be apart of. This is what Khan needed. Jim still wanting to be close to him, he was not disgusted or turned off with this new aspect of having an augment as a lover. With his thumb and pointer finger, Khan took the bottom hem of Jim's uniform between his fingers, just holding the fabric, not tugging or making demands, but holding on. "Stay close to me, Jim. I will need you more then ever in the days to come. If you are scared, I promise you, I am just as scared." He said very quietly, leaning in so that the sides of their faces were brushing and lightly pressing together.

“It’s alright to be scared, too,” Jim murmured and turned his cheek into Khan’s, arms reaching up to go around him in a hug.  “What’s that old saying, about life being what happens while you make other plans?  Well, I guess we’re all about that now, huh?  But we’ll adapt and make it work.  That’s what we’re all about, too.  If anyone knows anything about life’s surprises, I guess that’s us.  And we’re not alone either.  I don’t think any child is going to have as dedicated or protective of an extended family as ours will be.  It’ll be a shock for them, too, but once they’re over that, the protective curtain will come down around all three of us.”  He tightened his hold.  

"Thank you, Jim." Khan leaned into his lover. "I hope so. This is my home. This is my family. I do not want to be wrong in this belief." Wrapping his other arm around Jim's middle, Khan pressed the flat of his hand against Jim's back, hugging him firmly. At heart, the augment was still something of a pack animal. And while he had not made demands from other crewmen to be fully accepted before, he needed that reassurance now that he was carrying Jim's baby. Even if the augment was never truly one of them, always just lingering on the outskirts, the baby needed to be embraced, loved and protected.

“I’m glad you see the crew as your family now, Noonien,” Jim said.  “I know you’ve impressed a lot of them, made friends, too.”  He pressed a kiss into Khan’s hair and rubbed his back for a few moments.  “Shall I go get your food now and we can enjoy the stars and some lunch?  Dinner?  Whatever this meal is.” He chuckled lightly at himself and waited for Khan to give him a signal of what he wanted to do.

"Yes, Jim. Thank you." Khan let go with a heavy sigh as he then pulled back. "I will meet you on the observation deck in fifteen minutes." He said, his hands the last to linger on Jim's body before stepping away completely. On his way out of the medical bay, Khan briefly thanked Doctor McCoy for his efforts, then headed down the hall.

 


	13. Chapter 13

After a month in, Jim and Khan had announced their surprise news to the crew of the Enterprise.  They had already told Spock, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu and Chekov in private, and their support had given the pair the courage to tell the crew via an all-ship announcement after a particularly difficult, but successful, mission.  Two crewmen had lost their lives, and Jim felt that hearing about a new life being grown aboard the ship might help mitigate the loss as well as bolster spirits and give Khan some much needed support.  

And the crew rallied as Jim hoped they would.  Led by Uhura and Chapel, who both already knew about the pregnancy, the women of the Enterprise practically adopted Khan and organized a baby shower with much pomp and circumstance.  Everyone was encouraged to come up with some sort of small gift for the baby, so that one of the larger tables in the Main Mess practically groaned under the weight of them all.  

Three other tables were piled almost equally high with food, much of it recently acquired, though the replicators were also put to good use.  There were plenty of drinks, too, both of the alcoholic and non alcoholic variety, as well as festive decorations, including a huge banner that read, “Congratulations to the Happy Parents-to-Be.”  Jim privately wondered if there were other parties where that banner might be put up.

For his part, he stood firmly next to Khan to greet all the well wishers (the Enterprise running in orbit with a skeleton crew for the moment) and to offer support to his lover.  They had already secured food for themselves, partly because Khan’s appetite was fierce these days.  Jim fought hard not to eat too much in his own turn.

Though the augment and former Emperor tried not to chew on food or suck on candy while speaking with others, food was nearly always close at hand to him these days. Only one month in, and his cravings were often unconventional and sometimes just not practical to satisfy. Still, more often than not, Khan kept a small plate of crunchy or sweet foods near his workstation to help him get through each shift, rather than to disappear every hour to convince the cook to prepare a snack according to his cravings.

Currently slipping on carbonated lemonade, Khan attempted to answer the questions that were thrown at him, even if some were a bit too personal. The baby shower was good for him, helping Khan to see that others did care about him, his relationship to Kirk, and the baby that was to come. It felt good to have allies.  

Jim also fielded a slew of questions, deflecting some easily from Khan and charming his crewmates, even when he obviously didn’t answer a few of them.  He had always been good with people (when he wanted to be) and used that to great effect now.  One eye was always on his pregnant lover, though, as Khan’s mood were often in flux, so that he might turn dark and moody unexpectedly.  Not that Jim thought he would in a room full of crew, where he was probably most desperately going to try and keep his front of strength and independence.  It was behind the scenes where his difficulties showed, which was at once a sign of Khan’s trust in Jim and also extremely difficult for a man already saddled with the duties of captain.

The sudden and extreme decrease (to near non-existence) of their sex life didn’t help.  Jim hadn’t realized how much he’d missed near constant sex until he’d had a taste and then lost it all over again.  He scheduled a bi-weekly series of extreme workouts with Spock to channel his frustrations (and get even more badass with his Suus Mahna).  

“How are you doing?” Jim asked Khan as the last of the crew finally shuffled by them.

Khan looked to Jim and gave a small nod to indicate he was alright. "There are many more people here then I suspected would be interested in such a gathering."  Sometimes Khan allowed himself to overhear other conversations in the room, some women talking about their first lovers, or their last, what sort of babies they had been, how long their mothers had been in labor, how brothers or sisters had been different. These conversations were interesting to Khan, as even among the mix of species aboard the Enterprise, there was common language in having these conversations.

“You underestimate this crew and yourself,” Jim said with a light shake of his head.  “I’m glad so many people came, but I’m not surprised.”  He looked around at his people, warmth suffusing him at the sheer number and the honest pleasure in the atmosphere.  “Do you want to mingle or should we go take a look at that giant pile of gifts that awaits us ... well, our baby.  Or we could pick up some more food and have a seat to really enjoy eating.  I think the chef made everything he knows how to make.”  His eyes moved from one overflowing table to the three others.  “I haven’t seen a spread this big since the Enterprise launched officially for the first time.”

"Is it appropriate to open gifts while the guests are here, or is that something that is done after the fact? I do not know protocol." Khan started to walk towards the gift table anyway, even if they weren't going to open anything right now, he was curious about the whole idea. At is was, if one didn't know the augment, his background, it would be easy to assume that the man simply had a little bit of a pouch, and maybe wasn't a fit as the other crewmembers. When that was furthest from the truth. Khan was still incredibly fit, even with all the food he had been consuming lately. The small roll to his stomach was a sign of the life within.

“Oh, is there a protocol?” Jim asked and looked perplexed.  “Fuck if I know.  Let’s ask someone who does.”  He waved to Uhura, who rolled her eyes at him, but made her way over in typical elegant fashion, moving smoothly through the crowds.  “Hey, Uhura,” he said, peeved that he still didn’t have a first name to call her, “we were just wondering about the gift protocol.  Does Khan open them now?  At the end of the night?  After all the guests are gone?”

Uhura laughed softly and smiled at both men.  “Traditionally, you wait until everyone has gathered around the gifts and then open them with everyone watching.  That seems rather impractical in this case.  I don’t think anyone will mind if you open them as you please, but it might be more fun if you open them when people can watch if they want.”

“Makes sense to me,” Jim said happily.  “I’m for ripping them open right now, so we can share in the fun.  Hopefully, people will have gotten creative and not just gotten us a bunch of twosies.”          

“Onesies,” Uhura corrected with a raised eyebrow at Jim.

“That’s what I said,” Jim said with a huge grin at his amused officer, before he continued on toward the stack of gifts.

"Shall we then-?" Khan said, "You take one, and I will do the same." He said, passing Jim one of the gifts that had been wrapped in a small gift box. Khan picked out one that was in a gift bag with tissue paper sticking out of the top. Taking a seat in a nearby chair, all Khan had to do was set the gift on his lap for many of the guests to start moving in to see. Looking up at each of them, Khan waited a moment before he began to pick through the tissue paper, until he pulled out a plush toy. A horse. Brown with black mane, that reminded Khan fondly of a Mongolian wild horse. Placing the empty bag on the floor at his feet, Khan examined the toy with quiet joy, almost hesitant to show the hand-made object to the small crowd when asked.

“That’s beautiful,” Jim said, looking at the object cradled protectively in Khan’s hands.  “Who is responsible for this toy?”  He turned toward his assembled crew, who were growing more numerous as folks noticed that the presents were being opened.  “Don’t be shy now!  Take some pride in your work!”

There was some shuffling and then a beautiful, blonde Yeoman in a gold uniform stepped to the front of the group and offered a smile at both men.  “I made the horse, Sir.  Mr. Singh.  I’m very glad you like her.”

“Yeoman Smith,” Jim said with a broad smile, taking in the very attractive from very quickly, but not letting any of his appreciation show.  (Hey, he was allowed to look at pretty people still!) “That was very thoughtful of you, Yeoman.  Thank you.”  He inclined his head to the young woman in an elegant form of gratitude that Khan had taught him through example.  It worked this time, as the women turn red.

Khan smiled as Jim mimicked one of his behaviours. Then he turned his gaze back on the young woman, "Thank you, Yeoman Smith." He said with the affection of a brother. It would be wrong to show favouritism towards the gift over the others, especially since they had only just started to open presence, but Khan was very fond of the small horse and would likely favour it in the end. Khan set the horse on this lap, close to his belly, as if trying to already give the gift to the child growing inside.

"Your turn to open one, Jim."

“Yes,” Jim said and held up his present, which was wrapped in blue paper with tiny ducks on it.  “This one is labeled from Lieutenant Lee.”  He flicked his eyes back up to the group.  “Hope this one isn’t handmade ... I remember the away mission where he tried to make a shelter.”  A chuckle spread throughout the room.

“Will you never let me forget that, Sir?” a voice cried from the middle of the pack.

“Sorry, no,” Jim said, even as he undid the paper.  “The sight of Spock covered in that much mud will linger forever.”  More laughter, even as he pulled out a warm, snuggly, yellow blanket.  “But this will maybe make me not mention it for a few months.”  He rubbed it against his cheek.  “Feel how soft,” he offered, holding it out to Khan.  “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

"Ah, very nice. Thank you." Rubbing the blanket between thumb and finger, Khan found the texture soft and soothing. Were all babies treated with such care? Given comforts and attention from birth? With a very clear, very long memory, Khan knew his own childhood had not been like that. And as he reached for the next gift, he wondered what aspects of parenting from different cultures and different species he wanted to adopt into raising this child. What was the right way?

Jim soon found himself fully immersed in the joy of opening the presents that his crew had given to his child, as yet unborn.  Hell, they didn’t even know the gender yet, but all the gifts were carefully appropriate for all babies.  And some were special for Khan, such as the medicinal ointment from Chapel to soothe stretching skin and prevent permanent marks; the extra water rations from multiple members to give Khan and the baby the opportunity for baths; the full body pillow to use when he got larger and the instructions on how to give prenatal massages for Jim to learn and use on Khan to help ease aches and pains (especially in the feet).  In all, he felt a warmed glow of regard and gratefulness to his crew than in any other moment.  He had asked for their support, and they had shown it, willingly and most, with relish.  There were still doubts and worries, but the rejection of either their child or their relationship were not long among them.

Hell, even Spock had chipped in and gotten them a present- a Vulcan learning ‘toy’ for infants to develop the mind.  After all, the child of augmented genius Khan and natural genius Kirk was liable to be uber brilliant.

Jim set aside the last gift and gave a deep thanks to his crew, before shooing them back to the party at large.  He turned to Khan with a huge smile and asked, “Well, how do you like the baby shower gifts?”   

"Everyone was exceptionally generous and thoughtful." Khan said, reaching out for Jim to come a little closer to where Khan sat on his chair. He touched his hand to Jim's leg, just above the knee as he looked up at him. Khan felt honoured to have their support, and knew it was no small part that it was due to their loyalty to Kirk. "Though after all that, I could eat again."

Jim took the gentle request and moved to stand right beside where Khan still sat, dropping a hand on his shoulder and then creeping it up to massage the back of his neck.  “I don’t even know where we’re going to put all of this stuff.”  He paused and looked a little sheepish for a moment.  “Actually, that’s not quite true.  Spock had one more gift for us.  He volunteered to give up his quarters to make into a nursery, connected to my quarters ... our quarters, if you want to officially move in with me.”  He smiled, a little nervously and hopefully, at his lover.  “I’d like to have you both near me at all times.”

As Jim started to subtly massage the back of his neck, Khan's eyelids began to drop, until they were barely open and he was just starting to make soft, happy sounds. Though as Jim began to stumble over his words, Khan opened his eyes instantly and listened to what Jim was trying to say. "That is quite a gift." Khan said, his hand having since slid further up his leg so that he could thumb over the the rise of his hip. "From both Commander Spock, and from you, Jim ... I would like that very much."

“Whenever you’re ready, Noonien, we can move your things into my quarters and update whatever is needed to make it comfortable for us both.  I was thinking a large sofa that we can both stretch out on together and will be comfortable even when you’re not.”  Jim eyed his lover’s stomach, where there was still little trace under the tunic of the life growing inside him.  “And maybe we can make the whole place somewhat ... homier.”  Honestly, for all that the Captain’s quarters were large and comfortable, Jim had never done much with them, so that they didn’t have a personality exactly.  But now, what with him suddenly having a family, he felt like that should be changed.  The baby should have a place to call home, as should Khan.    

"If you are certain, Jim, that you are ready to take me on full time, and this baby, it would be a relief and a comfort." Khan continued to keep his eyes on his lover, head tilted up, this gathering and Jim's words had helped pull some of the stress away from his features, helping him look less severe. "I know things haven't been easy, for either of us recently. Perhaps building a space that can be ours, will help."

“Take you on?” Jim asked and lightly squeezed the back of Khan’s neck.  “That’s not how I see it, Noonien, even if I was scared of personal relationships before. I want you both near me. That’s all I know.  Our relationship is important to me; you’re important to me.  I may make a terrible father, but it won’t be because I’m not trying to do it right.”  He considered the floor a moment, eyes clouded. “I didn’t think things had gotten that bad between us, just a little more complicated than we anticipated.”  He leaned down and kissed the crown of Khan’s head, the action impulsive and more romantic than he wanted to admit.

Though Khan was not much for public displays, he had needed something like this from Jim, they had both needed it. "You are important to me too, Jim. But I don't think I have made you very happy in recent weeks. I have been difficult at times, and I am sorry for that." Khan made his apology from where he sat, then stood up finally, the pile of gifts around them both in a tight semi-circle. "Stay close, would you?" He asked, lightly fingering at Jim's wrist. He wanted to get something more to eat, but wanted Jim to help deflect being caught in a lingering conversation by those hovering close to the feast table. "I could still use something to eat."

“Well, this hasn’t been easy for you, either,” Jim said and turned his hand to capture Khan’s, tangling their fingers comfortably.  “I’d like to stay close to you always ... you know that, right?”  He lightly bumped their shoulders together and then headed across the room for the food tables, noticeably lighter, but still covered in plenty.  “I wouldn’t mind a little more to eat, too.  Have to make sure I don’t gain weight just watching you eat.”  He teased lightly, testing if Khan was ready for any kind of levity about the situation.  It did not good to antagonize his lover unneeded.

Grateful to hold his hand, Khan flexed his fingers a little tighter, tugging Jim slightly to one side of the table with several of the foods Khan craved at the moment. "Why would you gain weight, by watching me? I do not understand." Khan plucked a few thumb-sized grapes from off their stems, popping one at a time into his mouth, enjoying the satisfying crack of their skin as they broke apart in his mouth. "I feel like I have been eating non-stop..."

“Considering that you were never a big eater before this, you really are eating all the time,” Jim said with a grin that crinkled the skin at the sides of his eyes.  “Still, you probably need all those calories.  You grew a whole womb from nothing, after all, and now, you’re supporting the growth of a new being.  It’s no wonder you’ve been wolfing food down.”  He grabbed a carrot-like object (which was Jim-friendly) and munched into it.  “And it’s a fact that significant others often gain weight during the pregnancy of their partner.  It’s called sympathy weight.  Heck, sometimes, they even have phantom pains during the labor of their partner.  I’m hoping I avoid that, as much as I want to share this experience with you.”

After cracking a few more grapes against his tongue as a placeholder, Khan began to load up a bowl with soft, curly noodles and fried up protein cubes that were drenched in sauce. "Ah, I understand." Khan said, hesitating before he further loaded up his bowl with asparagus and flatbread and even a dumpling. Satisfied that this would last him for a few hours at least, Khan looked over to Jim, where he picked away at his options. "I've barely put on any weight ... and I've not noticed any change in you, either. Perhaps I have to start to show more visibly for you to be affected."

“Thank you,” Jim said with the vaguest preening.  “I’m pretty vain ... which I think you know, so I’ve taken up some additional exercise to try to keep the weight off.  Are you going to look into the list of prenatal exercise that Nurse Chapel gave you?  I didn’t think she’d get too many opportunities to use her Pediatrics knowledge out here, but I guess you should never assume, huh?  Though it seemed safe enough to think that I wasn’t going to have need of her skills.”  He put some more food on a plate, succumbing to a few of the delicious dumplings himself.  “Want to find a place to sit?”

"Yes, once my center of gravity changes with the weight of the growing baby, I will find her suggested exercises invaluable." Khan began to drift away from the food table, wanting to find a seat away from the one he had been using earlier while unwrapping gifts, not wishing to spoil any of them. He met the eyes of those who looked up from their conversations at him, happy to be among them, and even smiled a little, though he was not ready to be drawn into their conversations.  Right now, he needed Jim's company.

Jim gave his greetings more gregariously to those crewmembers who caught their eyes and deflected their attentions off his lover.  He wasn’t unhappy to find a table a little out of the main flow of traffic and urged Khan to take the inner seat, himself on the outside.  “I’ve heard of classes for expectant couples on Earth,” he said so only Khan might hear.  “If you’re interested, I’m happy to attend classes with you, if Christine is willing to teach a course just for two people.”  He paused and smiled a little as he thought of his former foe’s exuberance over the idea of a their baby.  “She’ll probably demand we take them.”

"Hm." Khan hummed softly in thought as he sat. Jim had taken the more defensive position in seating arrangements. Should anything happen, as rare and nearly impossible as any threat might be to them just now, it still placed Jim in a position where he might protect Khan, allowing the augment to feel safe and well looked after. "Yes, Jim. If you are willing." Khan said, starting to eat, trying to satisfy the hunger that never left him these days. "What is the function? To learn about what changes are to come? To strengthen bonds?"

“Both of those, I think,” Jim said.  “But I’m no expert.  I’ve just heard of them on the offhand.  Bones and Christine will know all that’s important about it.  I’d like to strengthen our bonds … you think maybe the baby will sense me, too?”  His eyes flickered over Khan’s abdomen with a little bit of jealousy.  “It’s stupid, but I’m kind of envious of how you’ll be able to feel the baby inside you, even though I know that I’d be terrible at being pregnant.”

Khan glanced down, one hand still holding a fork, the other slipping over his own stomach and the very small pudge that had started to develop there. "You know ... it would be a change in our sleeping arrangements, but if you start to sleep behind me and keep your hand pressed just here, you will be able to feel what I feel, every night we go to bed. You will be able to feel how the baby is growing, and when it has developed more, any movements it makes. I do not know if that thought appeals to you, Jim, but it is a feeling I crave from you."

Jim’s smile broke wide and delighted at the idea.  Not only getting to feel the growth of the baby, but also being the big spoon.  Their one foray into Jim topping Khan was still about the only time he had taken on a dominant role.  Since the beginning of their relationship, Jim had willingly assumed a more submissive place, but the idea of getting to switch was pleasing to him.  Especially since Khan had suggested it himself, so that he could not accuse Jim of treating him differently or thinking him weak.  “Yes, I’d very much like that, Noonien,” he said, again so only his lover might hear.  “You crave it?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, eyes still down on the hand over his own body. The conversation triggered a sudden swell of emotion in the augment, hormones often tugging at him in directions he did not want to go. "I-" for a second his voice sounded strained, as if he hadn't gotten enough air into his lungs before speaking. Clearing his throat, Khan growled at himself and frowned before lifting his gaze to speak to Jim properly. "Though I am your lion ... I crave your hands, your presence ... the safe and secure feeling of your protection, your dominance ... the belief that you will look after me, when looking after myself it not enough."

“You want the honest truth, Noonien?  I think you’ll be twice as fierce with a child and nobody will want to even look sideways at you.  But I want to protect you, too, Noonien, as much as you’ll allow me to.  But that doesn’t mean I need to be dominant, unless you want me to be.”  Jim did not mention the strain in Khan’s voice, not wanting to make him defensive or feeling even more unsure.  “You know it’s alright to want those things, don’t you?  You don’t think less of me for enjoying it when you’re dominant, do you?”

Khan nodded slightly; yes, he agreed that when the time came, Khan would be even more ferocious. But in the meantime, Khan did not feel defensive in this way. The crew of the Enterprise was his new family now, and he counted on all of them to represent this relationship well, while he carried the child to term and gave birth to a new life, blood of Khan and Kirk.

For a moment, Khan just looked at Jim with a mix of relief and confusion and desire. "You see, Jim. This is what I need. I need to know that it is alright to want these things. Because I do want your dominance, your leadership, even though that is what you do all day as Captain, I do not wish it to be a burden of your private life as well, but I want to be yours again, Jim, I want to know you still crave me, desire me like this."

“I do, Noonien.  You’re incredibly sexy, and that’s not going to change, especially not to me,” Jim said and reached out to take Khan’s right hand in a gentle grip.  “It’s different between us.  It won’t be a burden to me, not when I’m supporting you.  That’s not at all like being a captain.”  He stroked his thumb over Khan’s knuckles with a tender fingertip.  “Just tell me what I can do.  And I’ll do the same with you.”  

"Thank you." A warmth spread through Khan, and he finally breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. Jim was still attracted to him. That was a huge worry off his mind. He watched Jim's fingers as they pet over his skin and knuckles and another surge of heat shot up his back and spine causing him to shiver happily. "I would like to be in your bed tonight, Jim," he said, leaving the implication in the space between them while still in a room with many other eyes and ears.

“I’d like that, Noonien,” Jim said.  “Maybe we can also talk about some of the changes we want to make to my quarters.  And the new nursery.  Though I don’t want to rush Spock to give up his quarters.  Uhura might appreciate it, though.  She’s more than ready to move their relationship forward.  I was thinking they might be one of the marriages I go to do aboard ... though Spock’ll probably want something traditional.”  He paused and looked at Khan from under his lashes, wondering if Khan wanted their child to be ‘honorable.’  Wondering if he minded the idea.  

"Yes. I agree." Khan paused a moment, then explained his thought. "I assumed Commander Spock would be taking my old room. I did not realize that he and Lieutenant Uhura could alter the conditions of their quarters, to share privately as well. I am happy for them, if they are indeed allowed and desire this public union." But he did not speak on the matter of marriage, except to ask. "Is there a traditional gift for Vulcan weddings, so I might prepare in advance?"

“Vulcans are notoriously private,” Jim said, “and Spock no less than anyone else.  More, really.”  He rolled his eyes in a rather exaggerated fashion at his First Officer’s whims.  “If they do a traditional wedding, it won’t be ‘til we get back and they can go to New Vulcan.  Still, that’s all speculation, which Spock would call illogical.  And Uhura would kill me if she heard me ... you know, she still hasn’t officially told me her first name?”  He sighed and looked put upon, mostly for Khan’s amusement.

Khan looked slightly amused but also perplexed. "Wouldn't her name be a matter of Starfleet record, accessible by the ship’s Captain?" Khan considered, then amended, "Or do you mean that she has not given you her name, in person. Are you not friends? Or is this a game you play?" He asked, also understanding that Jim had different levels of strange but good relationships with various crew members.

“When we first met, it was a matter of tension between us,” Jim admitted.  “She didn’t have the best first impression of me.  But yeah, it’s mostly a game now between us.  Though, I think she is still rather annoyed at times with me.  Enough that sometimes, it’s not quite a game anymore.  And yeah, I know her first name, but it’s not the same as having her give me permission to use it.”  He lightly squeezed the strong hand in his.  “Just like I never would have called you by your familiar name without you telling me that it was alright.  I know she cares for us as friends, just by how much effort she’s put into things like this party.  She and Christine and Janice have been meeting for weeks.  And I don’t think this is the end, either.”

"Yes, Jim. I understand." Consent was everything, even with something as simple as a name. A name or nickname was a reflection of the individual, a part that others were given the right, or not, to know. Khan understood the game, but he also understood how Jim might be hurt that someone he considered a friend would not share this information freely with him.

"This has been quite the event, and I will thank them each personally after the fact ... but why do you think there is more to come?"

“Well, we’re a family on the Enterprise, and you and I are adding to that family.  Well, mostly you.  But you know what I mean.  And everyone’s pretty excited about it, more so because it’s us.  Well, maybe that’s mostly me.  I’m the captain, and my reputation’s not exactly a secret.  Hell, Bones told me that he was worried I’d be a diplomatic disaster because I’d fuck my way through every planet we visited.”  He rolled his eyes at his friend’s melodrama.  “So, the crew is rooting for this to work out in a lot of ways.  We’ll have a lot of babysitters.”

It was an interesting thought that Khan had not before considered. Jim's friends wanted to see him in a stable, long term relationship, they wanted to see him happy, but not only that, they wanted Khan to be the one involved. They wanted Jim's relationship with the augment to work out. The crew saw them as a good match. And that was quite something. "Babysitters." Khan repeated back, "Should the situation arise a need for a babysitter, I will want more then one individual to look after our child." Khan was still a pack animal, and in the pack, the family looked after the young as a group. No one individual was responsible, when the parents went for a hunt or to defend their territory.  Similarly, this is what Khan wanted. Babysitters would need to come in groups of two or three, and only then would Khan leave the child behind, knowing it would be in good hands then.

“I’m sure something can be arranged,” Jim said with a hint of amusement, eyes warm as they looked at Khan.  “Guess we really are doing this, huh?  I mean ... listen to all this planning.”  He leaned back in his seat, keeping hold of Khan’s hand.  “Wonder if I can get any lessons on how to be a dad from anyone ... oh, hey!  Bones!  He’s a dad!  And even though his bitch of an ex won’t let him see Joanna very often, the way he talks about her, you know he’s the best dad.  He can tell me about what an infant is like and how to handle one right.”  He looked more secure suddenly, as he determined a role model, and one he could trust, was easily accessible.  “And he can tell us more about Jo, too.  I think that’d be good for him.”

"I was not aware Doctor McCoy was a father." Khan said gently, thinking over past conversations they had exchanged. It was worrying, not that he expected McCoy to be open with Khan about his personal life, but the fact that he had left a child behind and did not speak about her, it was very sad to consider. But he could see new excitement in Jim at the idea of being able to ask someone, a friend these questions and be issued sound advice. It would be good for Jim, and McCoy both.

“It makes him sad to think about,” Jim said.  “The ex-Mrs. McCoy was pretty vindictive about everything and managed to take away his money, his place in society, his family home and his daughter.  I don’t know how the fuck the courts allowed that, but when I met him, he was drunk off his ass and joining Starfleet because he had nowhere else to go.  Told me he had nothing but his bones left ... which is why I call him Bones.”  He looked a little apologetic.  “At the time, I didn’t realize quite how serious he was about that, but he’s told me since that it was good for him to view it in a somewhat less bleak way.”

Khan glanced down. At the mere implication and mention of it, Khan knew he too would go to a dark place, should someone try to take the child from him. But a dark place for Khan would not result in drinking in despair, but a violence and savageness that would know no reason. No gentle or loving voice would be able to soothe, only a wild rage, which would end one of two ways. Khan firmly squeezed Jim's hand, asking to be pulled out of these dark thoughts which held no place for them here and now. "He is a good man. I am sorry for his loss."

“When we get back, I plan to haul him to Georgia and use all of Starfleet’s influence to get him a better deal.  He’s helped save the fucking world!  He should get to see his daughter when he wants.  Even though it’ll probably mean he’ll want to stay on Earth after,” Jim said, hand on Khan’s squeezing and releasing repeatedly as he got worked up.  With a concerted effort, he blew out his frustrations in a sigh and reached for some of his forgotten food with his free hand.  “Maybe our baby will be good for him, too.  Maybe he’s a better choice for Godfather.”

Khan nodded at this last comment. Though he was still not entirely committed to the idea of having a godfather, Doctor McCoy was a better choice for Khan, simply because he had a better relationship (even with their aggressive bickering whenever Jim was around) with McCoy then he did with Commander Spock. Though Khan knew that Jim favoured Spock for his own reasons as well. Augment and Vulcan, however, still interacted with one another with quiet regard- there was no outright suspicion (or if there was any, it was not visible to anyone or to one another), there was respect, but at a distance, which was a mutual ideal. Khan would always remember how Spock pressed a very powerful assault into his brain to beat him. Just as Spock would always remember watching Jim die, as a consequence of Khan's actions. These were sights and memories that would not soon leave either men, even though there was peace and respect between them now.

"There is time to decide, correct?" Khan asked, picking up his fork and working through the bowl of noodles again.

“Damn right.  This is not a choice to make lightly,” Jim agreed and then playfully stole a couple of noodles, just to see Khan’s reaction.  He slurped them into his mouth with quiet delight, before his mouth turned down a little at the edges.  “Fuck, that reminds me.  My mom and brother.  Do I tell them anything about this before we get back?”  He made a horrible face.  “Nope.  Not gonna tell those fuckers anything.  They can just not know forever, far as I care.  This is our family.”  He gestured first to Khan and himself and then encompassed everyone gathered around them.  “That’s all.”  His expression cleared again after that decision, after he threw all thoughts of his own, fucked up, blood family away.

Narrowing his eyes, Khan managed a mock-suspicious look at Jim stealing his food. Though as Jim began to talk about his mother and brother by blood, Khan's face slipped into neutral as he listened to Jim talk it out. As far as Khan was concerned, Jim's family by blood had no right to him. No right to share in his happiness, if they could not be bothered to share in his darker days too. But he was glad that Jim came to this decision on his own. It was his decision to make after all. "I agree." Khan said, making a show of offering Jim a grilled vegetable that was currently skewered at the end of his fork.

Jim took the offering with a bright smile and said, “Thanks,” knowing his lover was offering more than just the food.  “Sorry about the rambling.  Sometimes, I don’t know how you put up with it.”  He offered Khan one of his dumplings, since his lover had only taken a single one for himself.  “These are delicious.  Don’t want to know what’s actually inside of them, but don’t care when they taste this good.”

"There is nothing to be sorry for. It was an uncomfortable thought that crossed your mind. And you addressed it." Khan accepted the returned gesture of being offered food with a little smile. He then gave a nod for Jim to look over his shoulder as guests began to write on slips of paper and push them into a single envelope. Khan watched for a moment, also letting Jim's gaze follow his own. "Is this one of the games you were describing?"

Jim looked over at what the crew was doing and frowned a little.  “Not sure I’m familiar with that one, but yes.  Should I ask or just let them have their fun?”  He paused and considered the playful and joyous antics of his crew.  “Look at them, Noonien.  Every one of them is putting into the envelope ... I don’t think it’s big enough ... and where did they get the paper?  I bet Spock figured out how to replicate it.  Aw man, I really want to know what they’re doing.”

Khan watched as each person placed a slip of paper into the envelope. Some seemed to think for a very long time before writing something down, and some were still writing after several minutes. Whatever they were, Khan was eager to get his hands on those pieces of paper, if only to touch something that was from his time on Earth. He exchanged a look, then a smile as some of the crewmen who look in his direction after they gave their paper offerings. Whatever it was, surely it could have been done electronically, but someone had decided to go out of their way to make the paper slips and have each guest write something out by hand. It was an old fashion gesture that Khan appreciated deeply.

After a few minutes and the last slip had been pushed inside, the envelope was hand delivered to Khan who obsessively pet the edges with thumb and finger before opening it up. But because it was completely stuffed full, several strips of paper fell out and onto the table. They were names. Single names. Full names. Names with personal meaning explained underneath. They were suggestions for naming the baby. "Look-" Khan said, dumping a few more out on the table between himself and Jim.

“Oh,” Jim said and lifted one of the slips to read the suggested name.  “Bhaskar Tiberius Khan-Kirk.  Well, that’s a mouthful.  But it does bring to mind what we’re going to do about the last name thing.  Something for later.”  He picked up another of the lost slips to read.  “Elizabeth Singh-Kirk.  No middle name.  And another thing ... everyone’s guessing the gender, too.  So, what do you think they’ll choose as a favorite gender?  Personally, I think they’ll be boringly traditionalist and go boy.  I mean, who wouldn’t want the son of Khan and Kirk?  Though, honestly-”  he looked around and leaned in to whisper to his lover “-I’d kind of like a daughter.  Now that I’ve thought about it for a few weeks.  How about you?”

"The child will be a little of both of us, that is all that matters to me." Khan said, picking up a few of the names, attempting to match the handwriting to those who made the suggestion, though it was difficult to do so, having only seen Mr. Scott or Doctor McCoy's handwriting when signing off on paperwork, and even then it was only their own name, not the names of others. "Being something of an exception to gender myself, I do not mind either way. But I do not wish you to be disappointed, if the child is not what you expected."  

Jim lightly kicked Khan’s right leg, just a little love tap, really, and said, “I won’t be disappointed, Noonien.  I just like to be contrary.  It’s our child, so that’s more than enough for me, too.  But I’m only human ... I enjoy the speculation, imagining what-” he scooped up another slip of paper and read “-Amelia Lalit Kirk-Singh will be like.”  He wrinkled his nose and set the slip aside.  “Well, not that name, I don’t think.  Though Lalit has kind of a nice ring.  Unusual.  This crew really does have advanced knowledge of languages.  I’m terrified and excited to see what Lieutenant Uhura comes up with.  Look for the second neatest and most uptight handwriting of the bunch.  Bones will be the sloppiest, like all old-fashioned doctors.”

Laying a few out on the table, Khan began to arrange them so that the last names were covered up by other slips of paper, so that only the first names were visible. "I do not mind if the child takes your family name." He said, talking it out as a simple fact. "My names do not have the same history as yours do, they were not passed down over generations, they were simply assigned to me." Khan used the pads of his fingers to flatten out the pieces of paper, enjoying the feel and even the smell of it. Lalit was next to Liet, which was next to Lagatha. Similarly, Khan arranged other names in groupings of the alphabet. "Though I cannot imaging picking out a name now, not until we have met the child in person ... but these are very inspirational and clearly meaningful contributions from your crew."

“My gramps was pretty cool, from what I remember, and Kirk is an old name, so if you really don’t mind, I’d like to keep the Kirk part somehow,” Jim said, realizing they were dancing around the marriage issue again, too.  This was not the time to decide something like that, though, and if Jim did ask Khan to marry him, he was fucking going to do it right.  He might not be a romantic, but even he knew blurting it out right now would just be wrong.  “But keeping part of your name seems right, too.  If you like your name, of course.  It’s funny, I never asked about that ... do you?  I mean do you like the name you were given?  I could always take our leave the Tiberius part, and Kirk hasn’t always been easy to deal with, but James, Jim, that’s felt right.  Even though it means like usurper, which is not exactly a nice thing …”

"I could have just as easily been assigned a number, a color, or ..." Khan sighed, "But my creator wanted to assign me a powerful name, and she did. However, I have no need to pass it along, except for the use of 'Khan' in formal occasions, as a title, in place of Lord or Lady. But I cannot imagine that such a situation will arise that will call for such formalities." Khan examined the slips of paper one final time before he began to tuck them back into the envelope, taking care not to fold or crumple the paper as he did so.

“I like the name Noonien,” Jim confessed quietly.  “Maybe because you allowed me to use it and nobody else.  It’s an intimacy thing.”  He shrugged and said, “I wouldn’t mind a Noonien, Jr. if we do have a son.”  He rubbed his right foot along one of Khan’s and also thumbed through some additional slips, reading the names with a soft smile.  “These are all more serious than I expected.  I thought at least a few people might be more jokey about it.  I probably would have been for somebody else’s baby.  By the way, I think people should have to call our child Lady or Lord, whatever fits best.”

Noonein was the name Khan choose to embrace and was happy to allow only Jim to use. In a way, he had made it all his own. Khan however smirked a little, looking across the table at Jim, "The child of Captain Kirk and Emperor Singh ... a Khan ... something something Kirk." The augment blew air out of his nose sharply in amusement.

“Sounds like something out of an old romance novel,” Jim said with a dopey smile in Khan’s direction.  “The obscure boy from Iowa who runs away and becomes a Captain in the Emperor’s army, only to later fall in love with the Emperor himself, probably not even knowing it’s him.  They have a child out of wedlock, as they consummate their love before the Captain has to march off to war on behalf of his Emperor.  And then he returns, older, worn, but triumphant, and discovers that he has not only a child, but that his lover, the man he yearned for during their long years apart, is no less than the Emperor himself.  What do you think?” he asked, spreading his hands in a ‘ta-da’ gesture.

As Khan listened, his expression shifted from an amused arched eyebrow to a delighted smile and fresh sparkle to his eyes. "Sometimes you surprise me still. You are many things, Jim, a genius and adventurer ... but also there's a romantic in there too. I like it." Khan reached across the table and pressed his hands over Jim's wrists, bridging the difference between them. "So- when you retire, are you going to be a novelist? Write about your adventures on the Enterprise, along with your fictional fantasies?"

Jim snorted and said, “Never had anyone call me a romantic before.  Guess it’s your fault.”  He winked at Khan, all pleasure and amusement.  “I don’t know about writing.  I’m not sure I have any talent with the actual words.  I hope we can tell people about everything the Enterprise does on her journey, but you know Starfleet, always so secretive about certain things.”  His eyeballs rolled in a circle at the comment.  “Better than they were under Marcus, at least.  And with the Council keeping a wary eye on them.”  He polished off his last dumpling and then looked sorrowful that they were all gone, though he knew he shouldn’t have any more.

Uhura suddenly appeared at Jim’s elbow and tugged lightly at his right ear.  “Come along, parents-to-be, we’ve let you hide in the corner for long enough.  You can finish playing with the names later.  We’ve collected a bucketful of ideas for the first year of the baby’s life, and you need to come over here and read them aloud to everyone ... Captain.”

Khan hummed, pleased (not threatened) by how Uhura bossed Jim into action. "What is this? Please explain." Khan asked as he stood, moving out from the corner space to become more centralized again. Though as he did so, a new wave of guests began to close in on him, smiling and asking if he ate enough, if he was feeling alright, if he already picked out a name. Khan answered a few questions, but would shy away from answering the larger commitments, like what gender he thought the baby would be, and what names he preferred.

Uhura smiled at him and worked with Jim to politely shoo a few of the others away.  “We all wrote down one idea for something you should do during your baby’s first year.  Jim and you, if you wish, are to read them aloud to everyone.  People will vote for their favorites.  Spock will write them down, and we’ll gift you with the top ten.”  She tossed her ponytail over one shoulder and elegantly led them to where the literal bucket of ideas waited, clearing people out with her imperious look.

Jim strolled by Khan’s side, holding his hand.  He leaned in and whispered in his ear.  “As much as I hate to admit it, in terms of sheer performance, Uhura would totally make a better Empress than me.”

Khan agreed silently, but also was mute on the fact that while he respected her, he was not attracted to her. So her being Empress, other than entirely a hypothetical situation, would only be for show and would not encompass any aspect of a private life. But Khan gave a soft purr as Jim whispered into his ear, enjoying his words, his lips, so close to his skin, even in public like this. "Do not be foolish. I have a Captain. That is what the Emperor wants. Is that not how your story goes?"

“My real life, too,” Jim said and snuck a quick, chaste kiss in.  “Lucky me.”  He turned his attention back to where Uhura was leading them, stopping in front of a small table, on which sat their bucket full of ideas.  

“Captain Kirk and Mr. Singh have graciously consented to play this little game with us, as the last formal part of this baby shower,” Uhura said and joined in the cheers and applause.  “Now, gentlemen,” she continued and turned toward Khan and Kirk, “however you want to draw the slips of paper is up to you, but please read each one aloud.  Spock will note down each event on his PADD and submit them to the crew to vote on.  Tomorrow morning, you will have a list of the top ten suggested activities for the first year of your baby’s life. ”  She nodded to Spock, who inclined his head elegantly.  “Let’s begin!”

Jim gestured to Khan and said, “I believe, as you’re the one carrying the baby, that you should go first.”

Reaching into the bucket, Khan pulled out one of the slips. He read it to himself, unsure of what to expect, before reading it aloud to those in attendance. "Go for a swim in a lake or ocean, on the next suitable away mission." Khan read, then placed the slip of paper aside so that it would not get mixed in with the rest. He paused somewhat awkwardly, feeling like he was expected to react in some way, even though it was not his vote or choice in the end. So he looked to Jim to pull the next slip.

Jim chuckled at Khan’s rather uncertain presentation and made a show out of choosing his.  “Buy baby clothes from next friendly planet after birth.  Oh hey, I like that idea.  Excellent.”  He shot everyone a double thumbs up and a grin to general amusement and laughter.  “I get to double pick this time!”  He pulled out another slip of paper and read, “Captain Kirk changes first diaper without epic failure … HEY!”

Khan chuckled softly, subdued in his amusement. He imagined there would be a lot of slips that suggestion somewhat humiliating or uncomfortable tasks for Jim to perform. Reaching into the bucket, pulled out the next slip of paper before he read. "Take family photo of baby in Captain's seat on the bridge." Khan looked sideways at Jim with a sly little smile.

“Yes, that sounds awesome,” Jim agreed, “as long as there’s a towel on the seat.  Since apparently, my diaper skills will not be legion.”  He stuck his tongue out first at Khan and than at the whole crowd.  “Maybe we can dress the baby up in a tiny gold tunic, too.”  He drew his own slip and read, “Model the baby’s first haircut after Mr. Spock.  Yeah, that’s a world, a universe of no.  No offense, Mr. Spock.”  He glanced at his First Officer, eyes full of his mischief.  

“As you say, Captain,” Spock said with a raised eyebrow.  “I shall note your objection.”

Reading the next, Khan wasn't sure how to interpret it. "Give crew 24-hour leave on one-year anniversary of birth." Khan frowned slightly. The idea seemed more like a grab at a day off, then a genuine suggestion for Khan and Jim and their baby. It wasn't outright rude though, but it did come off as selfish, even if it was not intended that way.

“Only if it’s to have a giant birthday party!” Jim called to the audience.  “Which means none of Scotty’s liquor.”

“Ach, ye destroyer of dreams,” said Scotsman called out from somewhere in the crowd.

Jim drew another one and smiled a little sappily at the suggestion, “Take baby on first outdoor adventure, on a newly found planet.  I hope we can do that.”  He looked at Khan.  “That’s part of what’s so fucking amazing about this.  Our baby is going to spend the first few years getting to see things only the rest of us humans aboard will have ever seen before.  Talk about a unique circumstance under which to be born, huh?”

"I agree." It would be quite a lifestyle, those first few years to be raised aboard the Enterprise, with all its new sights, but also new dangers. Khan then read out the next slip of paper. "Have each crew member supply a favoured children's story native to their home planet. Make into a book and read one to the child each day." Khan gave an unconscious nod of approval, looking to those who were currently in attendance, knowing each of them must have children stories they grew up with, that they still carried with them.

“We’ll take that, even if it doesn’t come in the top ten.  Music, too, people.  This baby is going to be a genius from birth, considering the parents, so we want everything started proper.  Literature.  Music.  All of it.  Okay, now my turn.”  He reached into the bucket and pulled out a slip which he read aloud, “Film the baby’s first steps and words and share shipwide.  Really, steps and words in the first year?  He turned to Khan.  “What do you think, will our baby be walking and talking in the first year?”   

Khan however was a little more reserved in his response. It wasn't fair to presume the child's gender, nor fair to assume it would be a genius like both fathers. Khan still had a lot of worries about the life that was growing inside of his body, and feared complications that would damage the child in the end. In fact, Khan was a bit protective of the child even now, wanting to shield it from those who expected it to be as advanced as an augment from birth. So he did not commit to an answer, even though it was very likely the child would develop at an accelerated rate due to the augmented traits, still, Khan would not commit to such speculation. "I can not say." He said quietly, before drawing out another slip. "Participate in family gymnastics."

Jim stepped closer to Khan and lightly leaned against him, trying to assure him of his support in everything.  “Family gymnastics.  Well, Khan and I are both quite ... flexible.”  He winked at the assembled crowd and smiled at their light laughter, though people looked a little uncertain, given the response of Khan to the previous suggestion.  He leaned into his lover and murmured in his ear,” Are you ready for a break, Khan?  You seem a little tense, love.”

With his head bowed down, Khan listened to Jim but also noted how he was starting to make a few others in the room uncomfortable. "I don't want to spoil the mood. Stay here and continue, I just need to step out for a minute." He said, turning to press a light kiss just beside Jim's ear before he pulled away, making quiet apologies and gentle reassurances to Uhura and Nurse Chapel who began to ask after him as soon as he started to step away from the group.

Jim made sure to draw all of the attention away from Khan to himself, drawing more slips of paper and reading them aloud.  He hustled the event along a little bit, without making it too obvious.  When he reached the last one, the crew burst into enthusiastic applause and then slowly began to disperse, though many returned to polish off food and drink and mingle a while longer.  He made his farewells and followed after Khan, thinking his lover would retreat to their quarters for some privacy.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Noonien?” Jim called once the door to their quarters shut firmly behind him.  He carried a couple of small pieces of celebratory cake, for now or later, depending on Khan’s desires.  “I’m back.  The gathering is still going strong, but I’m happily back now.”

"Yes, I'm here." Khan said, stretched out on the couch, laying on his side and using the armrest to support his head.  "How long has it been? I meant to come back ..." he said, though his voice suggested that while it was an earnest intent, he was a little tired and just wanted some quiet time. Lifting his head, Khan managed to catch sight of Jim as he approached, "Was it rude to leave my own party?"

“I think that means you’re the only one with permission, actually,” Jim said and sat on the floor beside the couch, placing the plates on the table on either side of the 3d chessboard that was always set-up there.  He leaned back into the sofa and tilted his head to smile at Khan.  “It was a little overwhelming.  Our top ten list is going to be pretty awesome, though, and I think we ought to do all ten of the things.”  He reached out an arm and found Khan’s left knee, which he rubbed in little circles.  “And it was a spectacular effort on everyone’s part for our baby.”

Reaching over, Khan lightly scratched the top of Jim's head, smiling fondly at his puppy-face that he sometimes did not intend to make at all. Then folding his arm back under his body, Khan eased back into the warm spot he had made for himself with satisfaction. "Everyone was very generous with their gifts. And the ideas. It felt good to have such open and honest support."

“Yeah,” Jim agreed with a fond smile, though he pouted a moment at the loss of Khan’s scratching.  “Not that I doubted them for a moment.  Got to be a bit much for you, though?  Guess it’s been a long time since you attended that kind of event with you as one of the celebrants, huh?  Did it bring back memories?  Nothing bad, I hope.”  He continued to rub at Khan’s knee, which was the easiest place to reach comfortably.  “Maybe even some good stuff?”

"No, nothing bad. It has simply been a long time since I have had positive, public attention." Khan sighed, eyes drifting down to watch the soothing repetitive pattern of Jim rubbing his knee. "At times it felt like they wanted me to say something ... reassuring. And I don't know what that would be." Khan looked up again, "Do you know?" He asked with a little frown.

“Did it?  I wasn’t really getting that vibe,” Jim said.  “Maybe they expected us to be a bit mushier?”  He considered that with a rather dorky expression on his face, which proved he was lost in thought.  “Nah.  They know neither of us are really into the PDA.  Besides, I thought I was pushing it a little here and there with you anyway.”  He ducked his head back to look at Khan.  “Maybe they thought you’d give a speech?  I don’t know ... that seems unlikely, too.  But I did give them a thank you and all that before I left.  And I’m sure the party will break up pretty soon.  Back to our regular schedules tomorrow.”

"Thank you, Jim, for being the diplomat." Khan said, scooting to the edge of the couch now so that he could kiss the back of Jim's head and press his nose into the short hair with a soft groan. "You were very good with everyone, including me."

“Well, I’m trying,” Jim said and moved so he could turn around and meet Khan’s lips for a brief kiss.  “Diplomacy was definitely not one of my stronger suits at the Academy.  I tend to say what I think and damn the consequences, but I’ve had to curb myself from doing that in certain situations.  Fortunately, most people seem to think I’m charming.”  He flashed one of his smarmiest grins, deliberately playing against his boyish charm.

"Charming. Charismatic." Khan said with a little smirk, eyes down and starting to fixate on Jim's mouth before he leaned in to kiss him. "Exciting. Intense." Khan said, then slipping off the edge of the couch, Khan pressed one knee into the floor as a pivot point, as he settled, straddling Jim's lap. "Tasty." He added, kissing again with a soft purr. "Clever. Adventurous." Khan pressed his hands firmly to Jim's shoulders, a little like a lion keeping his prey pinned down, and yet not.

Jim’s arms naturally moved around Khan’s waist, and his hands settled on the small of his back.  “Tasty, huh?” he asked, with a more genuine smile now.  “I’m not sure about that one, but I’ll happily accept the rest.”  He stretched up a little for another kiss, this one longer and with a hint of tongue.  “And now that you’ve joined me on the floor, whatever is your plan, dastardly Khan?”

"Hmm-" Khan had sucked gently at the offered tongue and now savoured the taste against his own lips. "Hm?" The term was unexpected. "Dastardly?" Khan rubbed the palms of his hands over Jim's shoulders and down his front, "Just the opposite, I think." Khan watched his own fingers find their way across Jim's collarbone, even through the fabric of his uniform. "I miss touching you, Jim. I miss this."

“You are always welcome, Noonien,” Jim assured softly.  “Nothing has changed, unless you want it to.  I missed having you close to me, too.  I want you with me in all things.  Now as much, if not more, than ever.”  He dug his fingers into Khan’s back for a light massage, working his way slowly up.  “And I rather like ‘dastardly’ Khan’s plans.  They end up working out pretty all right for me, too.”

"Feels good." Khan said, his back arching as Jim began to play the parts of him that shot hot signals through his nerves, up his spine. He rocked forward on Jim's lap, finding a comfortable position before he reached down and grabbed the hem of his own shirt, stripping it off his torso quickly. Even though these days Khan enjoyed nesting, sleeping under piles of heavy blankets all around and over his body, he was in fact still very warm-blooded, not just warm, but hot to the touch. "I'd like your mouth on my skin-" he said, half presenting his left nipple to Jim's mouth.

“Yes, I’d like that, too,” Jim agreed and nuzzled at Khan’s chest, teasing a little.  Still, he took the offered nub into his mouth very quickly and sucked with a ferocity he normally reserved for later in their couplings.  But his lover seemed to want and need the attention, so he gave as asked.  He switched over to the other side to lavish and ravish it the same way, before paying some mind to the rest of Khan’s chest.  He kissed his way down his sternum, nibbling at the spot just over his heart.  

The skin around Khan's nipple quickly became dark pink, and Khan groaned throughout, pleased with the much needed attention. "Yes, Jim-" Khan said, feeling his heart pick up pace quite suddenly. Wrapping the fingers of his right hand around the back of Jim's neck, Khan held on to his lover there, anchoring himself further. It felt good to know that Jim was still attracted to him, still wanted him. "You have such a lovely mouth ... wicked too, sometimes ... but mostly lovely ... ah- absolutely lovely ..."

“Mmmm, you’re nipples are already more sensitive,” Jim murmured and licked delicately at the very tip of the right and then the left.  “I’ve never seen them so red and peaked.  Do you think that’ll continue as you get further along?”  He sealed his mouth over the right one and began to work it with teeth and tongue, urging the nipple to bud up even more, to the very extent possible.  “You taste good, too,” he said as he freed the nipple for a second.  But only to switch again.

"Yes, I-" Khan gasped hotly, arching again and fingers digging in slightly against the back of Jim's neck. "Yes ... probably." He said, still trying to answer the question. His nipples felt raw and hard and wonderful all at once. "Jim- Jim, that's good." Khan said, kissing his lover quickly, demanding his mouth and his tongue and his teeth, but also giving the sensitive skin on his chest a break for a moment. The kiss was deep and full and a little rough, but still completely loving.

Jim answered back with equal intensity, fighting throughout the kiss for dominance, as he read Khan as wanting.  It was a heady thing, to lose all breath to his lover as their mouths clashed in a most sensual way.  But he eventually had to break to pant for a little air, grinning up at Khan.  “More demanding, too,” he teased, but everything about him spoke of utter delight.  “I have heard that orgasms help during childbirth.  I kind of want to test that theory early and often.”  He returned his attentions to Khan’s torso, but this time deliberately ignored his sweetly swollen nipples.

Khan growled softly against the top of Jim's head, but it was a sound of pure pleasure. "Yes, Jim-" The augment might be demanding and know to ask for what he wants, but he found it also very thrilling to have Jim come out on top, to win and fight the small little battles of their bodies, of hands and teeth and lips and skin. Khan was no push over. He wasn't playing at a role right now. He was himself. He was an alpha male. And yet, he wanted to feel the dominance of another alpha male. To satisfy the needs of his lover, and himself.

With a sweep of his hands, Jim moved from the middle of Khan’s back to his ass, where he squeezed very firmly.  He arched into his lover, though his position made it hard to really get any friction against the other man.  He swirled his tongue over Khan’s navel, bending himself near in half to reach.  And then, he reared up with all of his strength to dump his lover on his back so that he could explore even more of him.  But of course, that would rely on Khan’s cooperation completely.

Khan was pleasantly surprised by this move. And pushing up onto his forearms to hold himself up from the floor, Khan gave a soft growl, even though his legs parted a little more in this position. "You think I am the sort of animal that gets put on his back?"  Khan groaned softly as the swell in his pants began to get uncomfortable, compressed and unattended to for too long now.

“I believe you might enjoy giving me more room to explore your body,” Jim growled right back.  “Humans are allowed to enjoy that as much as any animal.”  He pushed up against Khan again, urging him once more to let Jim arrange him as he liked.  “I promise that I’ll give your body all due attention.  And that is a great deal of attention, Noonien.”  He slid one hand around and off his ass to his abdomen in front.  “Am I right in thinking this lovely part of your body might be a bit more sensitive, as well?”

Khan froze. The arms holding him up were rigid and his eyes unblinking as they locked on Jim. Bears. Bears were a prime example. Mother bears were fierce protectors of their young, so much so that they often protected their young from the cub's own fathers. Khan stared at Jim still. No. They were not bears. They were men. Lovers. And Khan trusted Jim not to hurt the baby. But that initial instinct could not be helped. "Yes, Jim. Be gentle there," he said, not minding playing rough or biting or pushing anywhere else, just not there.

“I would not be anything other than careful with our child, both before and after birth,” Jim assured and rubbed very tenderly over the area.  “But my need to be careful doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy my attentions there, either.  No reason not to make the most out of this situation.”  He scraped his teeth lightly over the same area, aware of how delicate he needed to be (more to protect himself from Khan than to protect the baby at this point).  

Khan watched Jim, tilting his own head slowly. He blinked. Then did so again, this time more relaxed. After a breath, Khan lowered himself back down on the floor, head lulled to one side so that he could keep watching Jim, but clearly becoming comfortable with his position again. After a few minutes of teeth scraping over skin, Khan was arching his hips off the floor, starting to ask for more. "Pull my pants off me Jim ... I want to be naked on your floor ... I want to be naked under your body and your mouth and your eyes ..."

“Is this position comfortable for you?” Jim asked, even as he began to remove Khan’s pants tenderly.  He reached for one of the sofa cushions to place under his lover’s head, if he wanted to stay as currently positioned.  His other hand continued to stroke at Khan’s abdomen tenderly to try and diffuse any lingering tension.  “I want to suck you off, love.  Take you deep and make you squirm and buck and thrust into my mouth until you explode.  What do you think?"

It was quite freeing to be done with clothes for the day. The floor was hard, but Khan liked it. His body gave a slow arch off the solid surface, from head to toe, stretching and then settling with a sigh. "Yes, Jim ... if that is truly what you want." Khan said, reaching back to combing his fingers through his own hair, fisting a handful, then releasing it just as easily. "I am yours, Jim ... do you not want my mouth on you as well? Tell me, lover."

“Not yet, Noonien,” Jim murmured.  “I want to explore you without any focus anywhere else, including my own pleasure.”  He sat up a moment to survey his lover in all of his glory.  “You deserve some single-mindedness.”  Demonstrating, he swept his hands from Khan’s ankles, up his hips, thumbing his nipples, rubbing his shoulders and finishing by stroking up his neck and caressing both cheeks.  “Doesn’t that sound like a worthwhile use of my efforts?”

"Certainly." Khan shivered pleasantly. His hands dropped to either side, fingertips feeling out the the stitch and wave of the carpet under them. It really had been a long time since Khan had been the absolute focus of positive attention. Before the baby shower, it had been the last time they made love. And before then, it would have been over three hundred years ago, probably for a New Years celebration, or parade in Khan's honour. So, it was fair to say he had little experience in the area. Khan had to order himself to remain where he was, to let the experience wash over him, without trying to deflect the attention by getting Jim off instead.

“If you want to grab hold or guide, please do,” Jim said and stretched himself over Khan completely, holding himself up so that his weight didn’t rest on his lover.  He leaned in for a kiss, lightly sealing their mouths and asking for entrance.  Unlike Khan, he had lots of experience with lavishing his lovers with attention.  In fact, he’d always prided himself on having his lovers, male or female, come at least once (and often multiple times) before he took care of himself.  Except on those rarer occasions with a dominant partner who wanted to take charge and give Jim the same sort of experience (like Khan).  He’d always been flexible that way and wanted to teach Khan the enjoyment of not always being in charge.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, fingers lightly petting at Jim's sides and stomach, shadowing the length of his hovering body. His lips parted and he sucked on Jim's probing tongue, showing willingness before he turned the kiss sweet and simple, no longer trying to take Jim's breath away (though he did admit, it was exciting to feel Jim hang on until his last breath), he wasn't fighting for control, he was letting Jim lead.

“I wish I were strong enough to hold myself up like this indefinitely,” Jim murmured.  “Not like you, I’m afraid.  Also, there’s not enough room to maneuver this way.”  He smiled and winked at his lover, before easing off to one side to kneel and half-lean over him.  “This works better.”  He trailed soft, nipping kisses down the length of Khan’s neck, before biting down a bit more firmly at his collarbone and worrying at it, rather like he was teething at the area.

"Jim-" Khan groaned, his knees and thighs beginning to close around Jim, even though only part of him was settled between his legs. Jim knew him well, Khan couldn't help but surrender to this. If Jim had him by the neck, Jim had him. Khan began to writhe in place, back arching, then settling against the floor. Khan barely managed to look at him out of the corner of his eyes, it was mischievous and knowing. _You know me too well_. And yet, there was not a damn thing he was going to do about it.

Jim hummed a soft laugh and released the sensitive area, not wanting to get too carried away so quickly.  One of his hands slid down to stroke and caress and try to slow the way Khan already bucked beneath him.  “Shouldn’t have gotten so carried away there,” he murmured, his own eyes sliding to catch Khan’s.  He soothed the bite mark with a kiss and continued to nibble along the whole collarbone, refusing to miss an inch.  By the time he finally gave a last gnaw to the end,  his hand was on Khan’s stomach, rubbing in small circles.

"Love it." Khan admitted with a purr, cupping his hand against the back of Jim's neck, fingers sliding through the soft short hairs. Khan groaned in satisfaction but also a sort of frustration that Jim managed to get him wound up so easily. "One of these days, you are going to get me to cum, with only your mouth at my throat." Khan began to settle under Jim, his body and his tone of voice all responding as if he were under a powerful drug.  

Jim huffed a laugh to mask a groan of wanting to try that, right now.  “I am definitely putting that on the ‘to do’ list,” he announced, “but I want to stick to plan and draw this out a little.  I shouldn’t have been quite so intense on your neck.”  He moved with an easy grace to press a kiss just over his heart.  Taking care not to put any weight on Khan’s middle, he moved his explorations to the tender nipples he had attacked before.  This time, he was gentler, laving at the right one with tender licks, like a kitten at its first real meal.  “I want to taste your milk when it comes,” he confessed in a soft voice.

Khan smiled a little to himself, knowing he had tempted Jim with the idea and power of getting him to come with just biting and sucking and kissing his neck. But that would be saved for another time. Right now, Jim was still in control and they were following his plan. Which Khan was very satisfied with. In this half-drugged state of bliss, Khan blinked his eyes slowly, relaxed. "You do?" he asked, wanting to know more.

“Fuck, yeah,” Jim breathed and lifted his head to meet Khan’s eyes, his own wide and full of heat.  “Don’t know why, but it makes me fucking hot to think about it.  These beautiful little nipples-” he lightly tweaked each one “-all swollen with milk for our baby.  I guess I shouldn’t think of that as arousing, but I do…”  He went back to his task, more eagerly sucking now at the left side, lips sealed firmly around the tasty flesh.  And the idea that soon enough, he could pull milk, warm and fresh from his proud lover’s body, the same way just made him even more excited.

Khan dissolved into a string of soft noises expressing his enjoyment of Jim suckling at him, even now. His fingers curled into the back of Jim's neck, encouraging him to stay just like that, to suck, to drink from him, even though he had nothing to offer just yet. And who knows if he ever would? But if he did, Khan knew he had something new to offer his lover. "Yes, Jim, ah-" Khan gasped, then shivered warmly, taking pleasure from the hot mouth on his body.

Jim smiled as he bid the nipple a fond adieu and lifted his head again.  “Yeah, see, you’re as hot for that as I am.”  He nuzzled into the space between Khan’s nipples and then ran his nose playfully all the way down to the start of his happy trail.  “Are these sensitive, too?” he wondered, tugging at individually hairs with delicate teeth and fingers.  “Don’t suppose my Lord Khan is ticklish down here.”  He traced his fingers over the ridge of pubic bone.

Khan rolled his head to the side so that he could look down the length of his own body to watch and see what Jim was up to. His eyebrows furrowed, but he did not growl a warning of anger or annoyance. "I am not ticklish." He said simply at he let Jim play with him like this. The hairs were soft, like little curls of newly spun silk, easily bending or compacting, depending on how Jim played with them. It felt nice, just having Jim brush his fingertips through the short hairs, lightly tugging at the sensitive follicles.

“No, you are not,” Jim affirmed with a little frown at his lover.  “Even that small weakness is denied me.”  He stuck out his tongue at Khan for a split second, all childish fun, a preview for what he might be like with their child.  And then he sobered in an instant, palm over the area where Khan’s womb had grown, just beneath the fragile-seeming skin.  “Not that I want you to be weak, Noonien.  Especially not now.”  He stroked tenderly at the spot, just letting himself get more used to the idea of life existing just below the surface.  “Bones thinks a normal nine months ... that seems incredibly short for such a wee thing to get big enough to face the world.”

Inspired by the comment and the slight question that had been implicated, Khan began to explain why humans only carried their young for nine months. "Eleven to twelve months is more common a gestation period for other mammals, it allows the fetus to fully develop and grow, so that by the time it is born, it can walk and feed independently. Humans however are unable to carry babies for this length of time, because for one, there simply is no more room for them to grow without damaging the mother's organs and bone structure, related, and secondly, the baby would grow to be too big for the mother to give birth to. By the standard of other mammals, human babies are premature and far too vulnerable ... and yet it is that utter dependence at birth that helps define us as social creatures."

Khan smiled, placing his hand over Jim's enjoying the warmth of the palm of his hand over the small pudge that he was starting to develop. "I believe Doctor McCoy is correct, I will not be able to carry this child for any longer than nine months, as is to be expected with human anatomy." Khan's augmentation might mean he had strong immunity to disease and sickness, and a high tolerance for pain, but it didn't change the fact that in a matter of months, all his internal organs would be pushed and compressed to make room for the baby, and after a certain point, there simply wouldn't be any more room for the baby to grow.

“Humans have done pretty damn good despite it, huh?” Jim asked rhetorically and looked down with a smile at their nestled hands.  “And we’re going to join that success soon.  Kinda crazy.  I always figured Sam would take care of the Kirk line, but here I am, besting him.”  He leaned in to kiss Khan’s nose with a little smirk.  “Cause we’re bringing a whole new mix of DNA to the human race ... yours.  And that’ll be ... better.”  He wiggled his eyebrows and winked in an overly ridiculous manner.

Khan gave an exasperated sigh at Jim's attempt to rub it in. Then pushing up to his forearms to sit up, Khan nuzzled the sides of their faces as a build up to asking for another kiss. He didn't mean to distract them from making out, but talking and extending the foreplay was important too, especially since there had been some distance between them over the last month. It was good for them, being able to talk, and remember all the affectionate ways they enjoyed connecting.

Jim snickered a little at Khan’s expression and answered his request for a sweet kiss, trailing his fingers over and over the small bump on his lover’s abdomen.  “Sorry, guess I got a little distracted, huh?  Now let me see, where was I?”  He paused for a moment of serious consideration, winked at Khan again and began to explore his long legs.  “Don’t want to forget these.”  He lifted one foot into his lap and began to work the arch with knowing fingers.  “Eventually, you may really need the work to your feet.  I remember seeing the swollen ankles of a few pregnant women.”

"Oh-" Khan dissolved in place, then decided he better just lay back down again. "That feels delicious," he said, toes curling in, then relaxing as Jim massaged the arch of his foot. Finally pulling at the pillow Jim had offered before, Khan rested the back of his head on it, then let his arms drop to his sides. "Hmm ... I don't mind you practicing on me now," he said with a little smile.

“Perfecting, you mean,” Jim said cheekily and rubbed each toe for a moment.  “Oh, hey!  That reminds me of a baby game we can play!”  And he did the piggies on Khan’s toes, before looking up at his lover with a look of pure mischief.  “Shall I demonstrate again?  On a baby, it makes the little one squirm and squeal and laugh.  It’s awesome.”  So he played it again just for the fun of it.

"I think any sort of playful touching or talking will make a baby squirm and laugh, I do not think it necessarily needs to involve pigs." Khan just stared at Jim, then down at his toes as he pulled at each individual. It was a strange rhyme. Still, it made Khan very aware that there were activities one was meant to play with children, that he had no knowledge of, no first hand experience. "Do you know other games? What is traditional. I should learn."

“I think a lot of them we’ll have to learn together,” Jim said, aware that they’d strayed back to mush, but content to do so.  He skimmed up Khan’s body with his hands and leaned in for another long kiss.  “Patty cake is one.  Nursery rhymes, have to do those.  We can get a Jack ‘n the box, too.  So many things, Noonien.”  He rested their foreheads together, still stroking Khan’s sides, but without intent other than to be warmly intimate.  “See, I’ve been thinking about this since we found out.”  

Khan smiled up at Jim, holding his gaze for a long time. "Thank you for telling me, Jim." Reaching up with both arms, Khan pulled Jim into a hug, not minding to take his weight, knowing no harm would be done. Arching his neck, Khan attempted to kiss Jim again, full and deep and adoring. This was a new kind of bravery for both of them, and they were diving into this adventure together. And Khan hoped, they always would.

Jim moved easily into the hug, though he took care not to place any weight directly on or near any tender bits of Khan.  One hand threaded into Khan’s long hair and stroked through to soothe out any tangles and just enjoy the softness.  As they kissed, the stroking increased in tune with Jim’s emotions basically pouring out of him in a way he couldn’t really express otherwise.  And when they parted, his whole face beamed in a huge smile.  “Brave new world for us both.”

"Brave new world." Khan echoed back, a few happy tears pooling in his eyes, but not yet dropping. But Khan offered a gentle smile to prove that he was alright. Pressing his right hand to Jim's heart, Khan rested his fingers there, finding the steady beat very satisfying. It was Jim's heart, there was no other like it. And Khan loved feeling connected to it.  

Jim wondered if the added emotional expressions of Khan weren’t a symptom of his pregnancy, too, but he wasn’t so stupid as to ask.  He liked his head the way it was, thank you.  So, he pressed a kiss to each of Khan’s eyelids and said, “I think this is better moved to the bed now.  What do you think?”  He eyed the large captain’s bed, which he intended to soon swap out for something even wider.  “It’s warm and far more comfortable.”

"Yes, Jim. I think so." Though far from shy, or cold, Khan enjoyed the warmth and security of the bed with all it's blankets. Out here, in the cold, remoteness of deep space, the warmth of layered blankets and his lover beside him was indeed a great comfort. So as Khan stood, the augment took his lover by the hand, only to place it over the round of his ass, giving him this hold point, Khan then walked forward towards, the bed, expecting Jim to follow.

Jim did follow and maintained the contact all the way, at once touched and perplexed by the placement.  It spoke of a level of trust and of need that he still wasn’t used to with Khan.  But he stroked lightly at the soft skin over the firm muscle of his lover’s ass, enjoying the explicit permission given.  “Let me pull down the covers for us both?” he asked softly, waiting for Khan to give ascent before moving.

Impressed by this gesture, Khan stood beside the bed, waiting for Jim to prepare it for them the way he saw fit. "Thank you." He said, watching. Soon, it would be their bed. Their room. Their baby. The domestic ideal. And Khan was ready to embrace it with Jim Kirk, only.

Jim made a great effort to build the bedclothes into something resembling a comfortable nest they could both snuggle into together.  He’d noticed Khan building himself similar type things and imitated the structure he’s seen his lover give them.  In the end, he had a nice mound of blankets, sheets and pillows for them to curl into.  He turned toward Khan to solicit his opinion, arms spread wide in offering.

"Jim ... this is beautiful to me." In his often animalistic, very literal state of mind, this was the sort of comfort Khan would have made for himself. But for Jim to make it for him, for them, to build this nest for their family, was an act that touched his heart. In a symbolic way that Khan took seriously, Jim was providing their family, the three of them, a safe and comfortable home, a safe and comfortable life. It was loving, without needing to put it to words.

Moving into the bed, Khan moved around on the arranged blankets and pillows on all fours before laying down on his side, a thick pillow supportively at his back at he looked to Jim to join him. "You've made a very good bed for us," he said, one hand lightly reaching out for his lover and father of his child.

Jim smiled his delight at how much Khan seemed to like the gesture and joined him in the bed, settling easily across from his lover.  He vowed quietly to do more of the same kind of gestures for Khan, especially if they elicited this kind of response.  Reaching out, he stroked the other man’s face with the back of his right hand, knuckles tender.  “I’m glad you like it so much, Noonien.  It’s just a small thing, but I want you to feel comfortable.  Will you tell me ... what you feel?  I mean being pregnant.”  He moved his hand back to Khan’s abdomen to explore that area again, the tiny bump and the seeming accompanying sensitivity of the area.

"It is a small thing." Khan agreed. Though his eyes dropped down to where Jim was touching him, that too was a small thing, in size, but not in importance. Though, that too could be said for Jim's show of support for Khan in this time. "But I like it very much," he said, nuzzling his face closer so that they could kiss briefly. "I love it."

Khan then guided Jim's hand, just a little, barely an inch off from where it currently rested as a means to show him. "Our child is growing, just here, Jim." Kissing him again, Khan smiled against Jim's lips. "Do you like knowing that?"

“Yeah,” Jim breathed and dropped his eyes to study the spot with a wide gaze, before he lifted his eyes back to Khan’s.  “I do,” he said in a stronger tone, surprise at his own clear reaction.  “I didn’t know I would feel so strongly if I ever became a dad, but here I am.  And I like it.  I like it a hell of a lot, Noonien.”  He leaned in for another kiss, smile to smile, light and sweet.  “But that wasn’t exactly what I was asking, Noonien.  I was trying to ask what it’s like to be pregnant, to have a life growing inside you.  If you feel different somehow?”  He made a face at himself for being so obtuse in his questions.  “Aw, Hell, just tell me how best I can help you…”

"It is oddly difficult to answer, Jim." Khan said, speaking softly. "Physically, I do not yet feel different, except for a sense of heaviness, a sense of fullness, even though I am constantly hungry and have as of yet to put on any substantial weight. But I feel different in other ways. I feel very protective of the life that is growing inside of my body. I love this child that we have together created, and I cannot wait to meet it in person." Khan snuggled in closer to Jim in the nest of blankets, a low hum of pleasure beginning to rumble around in his chest.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” Jim said.  “You told me when you met that you’d do anything for your family, and now, you’re going to have family who’s your own flesh and blood.  You seem a little more instinctive somehow.  More driven by things that aren’t intellectual.  Not in a bad way or anything.  Like this ... wanting a nest to curl up in with me.  Does that make any sense to you?”  

Sliding his hand under the bottom hem of Jim's shirt, Khan sought out to press his fingers against some of Jim's skin as well. "No ... and yes." Khan understood that it likely appeared to be very strange and unnecessary behavior, but something inside of his advanced engineering insisted that this was right, that this made sense and was good. "I cannot explain it ... does it concern you?"

“I wanted to know if there were other ways I could make you feel more comfortable and indulge that side of you, actually,” Jim said.  “Like making the bed up like this for us to lie in together.”  He shrugged himself out of his shirt unasked, wanting the intimacy, and then reached for his pants as well, thinking he should even things up more now.  “I’m concerned about your health, and the baby’s, and how good of a father I’ll be, but I’m not concerned about how good of a father you’ll be.  Quite the opposite.”

Khan laughed suddenly, but it was directed at himself and not Jim, nor his show of support. "Just because I am obsessed with the concept of family, does not mean I will be good at it any better then you, Jim. In the end, I was unable to truly satisfy the family I once loved. But you are my family now. And this is our child. In joy and happiness, and also for difficult days when mistakes are made, we are in this together." Khan slid his hand up Jim's lean torso, kissing a few spots that he just couldn't let go un-kissed.

"The bed made into this sort of nest is good-" Khan began to finally answer Jim's question. "When we sleep, having you lay behind me, to feel you pressed up against my back and your hands on my body also appeal to me very much ... to be, the little spoon, as you say ... plus, as we said at the baby shower, it will allow you to feel the baby grow over the coming months, too." Keeping his nose and mouth pressed closely to Jim's shoulder, Khan rested there, curled up to his lover like this as he spoke. "I am grateful, Jim, for your willingness to support me like this ... you truly do not mind?"

“I still think they failed you,” Jim grumbled, even as he pressed into Khan’s attentions and allowed his own hands to wander all over Khan’s body in return.  “You always did right by them.  And I think you’ll do the same for our child, too.  Not to mention be a fierce provider and protector.  I’ll just have to bring all the fun.”  The last was said in a teasing way, as he thought Khan would learn how to play games just to make sure their child was happy.

He wrapped his arms tighter around Khan as the augment pressed into him and stroked a hand through his soft hair.  “I don’t mind.  I can’t mind this, Noonien.  We’re going to be parents together.  It’s kind of a miracle.”  He dropped his head to press a warm kiss to the very top of Khan’s head.

"You have given me a home, Jim. A rich environment that my biology and my brain both recognize as being superior to any other, you have given me a safe and loving life here ..." Khan trailed off, humming in pleasure at the way Jim held him tightly and still kissed him with affection. "Give me security, give me decisiveness when I am being irrational, make love to me and tell me that I am all yours."

“You want to be all mine?” Jim asked, slightly surprised.  He had thought Khan would object to the idea of belonging to anyone, despite the current situation.  But he followed that up quickly with, “You are, if you want to be.”  He traced his hand down Khan’s spine and considered the rest of his lover’s words.  “What I need most from you in honesty, especially about what you and our child needs and when I’m not providing you with what you need.  Can you do that for me, Noonien?”     

"Yes, Jim. I understand. I will." Khan understood that Jim had fears of being a bad father, but he also had fears of being an _absent_ father. Khan would therefore make sure to keep him engaged, to draw him in and explicitly tell him what was needed. Jim was proving himself committed to this process, to this new life. With that, meant Khan would hold him accountable to this, Khan would give direction or ask for help and expect Jim to participate. It was a good to hear this from Jim in this way, as it meant that Khan would not be the only one to raise the child. Jim wanted to be involved, even if he didn't know how or what to do.

“Do you still want to make love tonight?” Jim asked and rubbed at Khan’s tailbone in soothing circles, which could easily turn into something more sensual.  He still wanted, although the earlier urgency had faded with their more serious discussions.  “This is a nice, warm, comfortable place to indulge in some more canoodling.  And I never did finish my explorations.  I’d like to meander up and down your back now.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan whispered as he kissed his lover on the shoulder, "I would like that very much." The small of his back arched easily under Jim's hand, pressing his hips forward, the need reawakening. "Make love to me, give us both pleasure ..." Khan lightly scratched the pads of his fingers over Jim's chest, "Shall I lay on my front, Jim? Or on all fours? Tell me, Jim, how do you want me."

“On your side, facing the other way, Noonien,” Jim said.  “Have to make sure you wean yourself from lying on your stomach anymore.  You can do it right now, but not for too much longer.”  He pressed a kiss to Khan’s forehead again.  “Maybe hands and knees later.”  He urged Khan to roll over, planning his next round of exploration and pleasuring.

"Yes, Jim, you are right." Khan said with a purr, happier even for these little things that showed that Jim was looking out for him. As he turned over to his other side, Khan stretched out one leg, though he kept the other slightly bent at the knee. Gathering up his hair, Khan pulled it to one side so that neither of them would be laying on it, not that Khan would be opposed to Jim pulling it, but that would likely come later. "Good?" he asked, head turned so that he could look back over his shoulder to watch and listen for more direction from his lover.

Jim accepted the invitation of Khan’s now clear neck to press a deep kiss to his nape, followed by a scraping of teeth over the knob of his spine.  “Very good, love.  Now, just keep your hair where it is for the moment, please.”  He nibbled along the curve of his lower shoulder ‘til it hit the mattress.  “Later, I’m probably going to want to bask in it a little bit.”  He reached out to brush through a few stray pieces and scoop them up into those already gathered by Khan.  “Are you comfortable?”

An excited shiver shot down Khan's back, and he purred happily, keeping his neck exposed. "Yes, Jim- anything you want." After lowering his head to a mound of pillow and blanket, Khan did not move, except for the rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. "I am comfortable, thank you." He said, resisting the urge to push back right away, to seek out more skin, more Jim.

When Khan turned his head away, he gave Jim free access to his sensitive neck again, of which Jim took full advantage.  He trailed his mouth from Khan’s hairline down to where neck widened to back and shoulders.  His tongue and teeth enjoyed each knob of bone, while his lips made the whole area glisten slightly with kisses.  But he finished the area off with a wicked bite at the joint of right shoulder and neck, sucking up a mark.  

“I want you aching with pleasure and the need to come,” he murmured and circled an arm around Khan to tease his front, another benefit of laying on their sides.  His body slid down to give him access to lace more kisses down Khan’s broad back and intermingle them with a few teasing nips.  He lingered over some moles he found on the way, charmed by these tiny marks of imperfection on the augment.

Khan purred and even began to groan softly. It felt like Jim was giving him a massage, but only using his lips and teeth to do so. It felt great and was both deeply relaxing and arousing. At times Jim would find a nerve that would cause the augment to twitch or jump as the excited feeling quickly shot through him. "Yes, Jim," Khan said with a little smile.

“You don’t seem very tense to me,” Jim murmured and rubbed with his lower hand at the small of Khan’s back, even as he nibbled right along the tailbone.  “I want to rim you,” he murmured, heated and low.  “I want to make you as wet as I can with just my tongue.  And then I want to slide my tongue inside you deep.  See if I can press against your prostate at all.  Maybe even stretch my tongue beyond its normal limits to do it.”  His top hand smoothed back down and around to pull lightly at his upper cheek and part it to start exposing the hidden depths, the little ring of muscle.  “Here is where I placed my seed in you,” he said wonderingly.

Khan groaned again and squirmed in place, drawing up the one knee a little more to help spread himself open for Jim. "Yes, Jim ... make me wet ... dripping ..." Khan began to suck on his lower lip, biting it between hot breaths. The pucker of his ass tightened reflexively, then relaxed somewhat as Jim spread the cheeks of his ass. "Yes, Jim- that's where your seed belongs, deep in my body ..." He said, his own voice becoming intensely excited, which meant it dropped into lower, rumbling noises.

How different this from the first time they tried with Jim topping, when Khan had needed to pull back out of uncertainty.  Now, he longed for it with an intense passion, urging Jim on with words that made his own cock, still covered in cloth, twinge excitedly.  But Jim refused to rush himself, despite his own eagerness.  He promised savoring and would keep his word to them both.

So, first tongue, the lightest of swipes to just touch that pink spot, tease at the flavor and feel.  But a bold swipe followed to cover the entire area in wet.  He moaned himself at the musky flavor, pleasure clear in his tone.  The essence of Khan lingered strongly here, something Jim couldn’t describe in words, but knew the instant it touched his senses.  “That’s so good,” he murmured and tried to burrow his tongue straight inside.

It was a highly intimate thing, licking and eating out a lover's ass. Though Khan was very hygienic, there was always something, a musk that either was enjoyed or was repulsive to another person.  And in this case, Jim clearly enjoyed it, which allowed Khan to enjoy himself all the more. Groaning deeply and writhing in place, Khan reached out abruptly to grab a nearby pillow, clenching it in his arms. The tongue up his ass was both firm and soft, wet and hot and made his cock twitch with excitement. "Jim-" he moaned into the pillow, sphincter naturally contracting around the intrusion, filling him with even more pleasure.

Contractions and moans spurred Jim on to new depths, tongue working its way deeper.  He thought he might be able to find the nub of Khan’s prostate, but it proved elusive.  When further wiggling and pressing yielded nothing, he cheated by running his index finger over the rim and working to try and wet it along the top edge of his tongue.  The tip very carefully began to wiggle at the loosening hole, just edging its way inside.  His nail scraped the sensitive walls and began working slowly inside with his tongue.  And it delicately and accurately sought out the bump of prostate, just beyond the reach of his own agile muscle.  But he retracted his tongue part way to push further down with his finger.  Finger and tongue then plunged up and down in opposite fashion.

"Jim. Jim."  Khan spoke as if he had lost his breath. He was half panting into the pillow, leaving a moist stain where his mouth lingered the longest. The tip of his cock was dripping with slick, and he flushed as each nerve spread hot energy throughout his entire body. Jim was opening him up, and Khan's heart pounded in his chest with the thought of Jim preparing his body, making him into the perfect vessel in which to spill his seed. With that idea in his head, and the lightest brush of blankets over his erection, Khan was a pulsing mess of cum in the sheets, crying out his moans of relief and delight.

Jim pulled out in surprise, not really expecting Khan to release so quickly.  But he was damned pleased at the outcome, a combination of deep affection and manly smugness.  “That was awesome,” he said and peered over the curve of Khan’s body, reaching out to touch lightly at his lover’s spent (for the moment) cock and then scooped up some of his release and licked it off his fingers.  “And tasty.”  He cleaned it all off with deliberate pleasure and smiled.  “So, that was a success then,” he teased.  

Khan groaned and shivered at the touch, body too relaxed and buzzing with pleasure to want to move straight away. "Felt ... amazing ..." Khan barely managed to put words together as he licked his lips. He could feel just how wet with saliva Jim had made him. And after coming so easily, his body was still very much relaxed. Rubbing his head against the pillow, Khan nuzzled into the scent of his lover that still lingered there. He wanted to lose all sense of himself and feel and know only Jim Kirk fill his senses. "Am I prepared enough for you, Jim?"  

“I’d prefer to use another finger and a little lubricant,” Jim said and pressed a kiss to Khan’s upper shoulder.  “I’ll only take a moment.”  He moved to pick a small tube from their supplies (kept near the bed) and emptied some on his index and middle fingers, before circling around the slightly gaping hole.  He slid his index finger in to the hilt and swirled it for a moment, before adding the second.  “You’re nearly ready.  Can’t believe that’s just from the tongue and one finger.”  His fingers widened and twirled to get Khan to full readiness for penetration.

"I have been craving this, Jim ... needing you ... my body wants to open up and submit to you, over and over again ..." Khan said as Jim began to finger him. His body naturally pushed back now, spine arching as Khan reached up, one hand over his head, seeking out the headboard to hold onto, the other fisting a section of hair near the back of his neck. "So good to me, Jim-"

Jim groaned at the words and said, “Fuck, Noonien, yes.”  He removed his fingers and scrambled out of his underwear, groaning again when it freed his erection.  Trying not to overstimulate himself, he quickly slicked up with the remaining lubricant.  “I want to be inside you just as badly.”  

Used to bedroom gymnastics, Jim lifted Khan’s upper leg and spread his cheeks again to expose his prepped hole.  “Just relax for me,” he murmured and eased his way forward and inside.  And fuck if it wasn’t true, Khan’s body did want him, opening up as easily as if they’d been doing this forever and accepting him into velvet warmth that made his nerves light up.

Khan gasped deeply as a look of bliss overwhelmed him, from his bright eyes to the part of his lips and the glow of his skin. The augment felt instantly satisfied.  His body relaxed into the way Jim wanted to manipulate him, taking the first penetrative fuck with ease. "Yes-" He finally managed to say, "Yes, need you, Jim."

“You have me.  Have me good,” Jim assured.  This angle made thrusting a little tricky, but it also pressed them together more intimately than most positions, so that he felt closer to his lover than ever.  He draped an arm around Khan to help him maneuver up and into the welcoming heat.  “Fuck.  You’re practically devouring my cock,” he muttered, as the whole slide felt welcomingly easy.  His body picked up a comfortable pace, although he soon found himself sweating a little bit, more from pleasure than from strain.

Laying back and just letting himself be fucked, it was fair to say that an itch was being well satisfied. Khan groaned deeply, taking a breath with each sound. A few times he attempted to nip at Jim's fingers, but found his hand too far away. "Jim-" he nearly whined, "give me your thumb, your wrist, your mouth, anything for me to suck on, please."

An additional unexpected request, but another Jim found himself delighted to fulfill.  “You want something to suck on, love?” he crooned and shifted again to offer Khan two fingers.  He traced Khan’s pleasing mouth with them and scraped his fingernails along the edge, inviting Khan to take them inside for himself.  “Maybe I should get you something else to suck on, hmm?  A nice gag maybe?”  He kissed Khan’s neck again, gently, to show that he was offering, not announcing.

Khan dropped his gaze, fixating on the two fingers which he began to suck on, scraping his teeth against the pads of each. He moaned in pleasure, then raised his sharp eyes to Jim again as his lover made the suggestion. "Yes-" He said with a lick of his lips, "Gag me, Jim." His voice was firm now, and there was no doubt that he was consenting, if not darkly eager.

“Fucking fuck fuck,” Jim groaned and bit down hard at Khan’s shoulder, giving himself something to focus on as he scrambled back from losing his control far too early.  He shoved his fingers deliberately deeper into Khan’s mouth, urged on by teeth and tongue.  “Next time,” he promised.  “Next time I’ll get you a ball gag to chew and suck and gnaw to your desire.  Can’t fucking move to get one now.”  He shoved his cock deeper into Khan’s ass to demonstrate why and renewed his thrusts with a vengeance, everything more intense now.

There was no need for Khan to speak anymore, not with Jim's fingers in his mouth, pressed firmly against his tongue to keep him gagged as best as he could. It would do. Khan sucked hard on the fingers, but was careful not to give in and start to bite down. His moans and whimpers of pleasure were muffled now. The augment was surrendering to this form of dominance, with Jim working into his body, skin almost burning hot as he radiated with pleasure.

With one hand, Khan lightly touched Jim on his hip, asking him to wait, just a moment. Trusting that this request would not go ignored, that gave Khan the brief pause he needed to shift from his side, to his back, while still keeping Jim deep inside his body. Drawing up his knees carefully, Khan managed to hook one leg over Jim's shoulder, but would be unable to do the second without Jim's help. But the effect and the meaning was clear, Jim had complete control of Khan's body like this, able to move hard and fast and as deep as he wanted.

Well, even for Jim, this kind of shifting without losing place was damn impressive.  He did remove his hand from Khan’s mouth to ease the way and then pulled Khan’s other leg up to join the first on his shoulders.  He leaned down and pressed further into his lover, looking him in the eye.  With his mouth now free, Khan could respond when Jim asked in his softest, sexiest tone, “Do you want me to fuck you as hard as I can now, Noonien?  To put my back and my legs and all my strength into pounding your beautiful ass?  Is that what you want from me?  Is that what you need?  Proof that I’m a worthy father for your child?  Proof that I can take care of you and give you want you want?  Tell me.”  The last was a command in his full captain’s voice, but deeper and darker and just for them.

Pressing his fingers though the short hairs at the back of Jim's neck, Khan held on to his lover as he looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. Khan responded well to the order and nuzzled at Jim's mouth submissively as he answered. "Yes, Jim. Take me hard. Show me your strength. You are powerful, let me feel it. Tell me, I am yours."

Jim breathed out several harsh, thick pants and then grinned, all teeth and intensity.  “You are mine,” he promised.  “You belong with me, Noonien.”  He punctuated the statements by gathering up all his strength and expending it in sharp, deep thrusts into Khan’s ass.  With his knees firmly planted under him, he could really pound into the augment, putting his back into the thrusts.  And from this angle, he could also plunder Khan’s mouth with his own, tongue now working as an effective gag.

It was exactly what Khan needed to hear and to feel from Jim. The great Khan had surrendered to his lover, trusting him with his life, with his heart. Khan sucked on Jim's tongue eagerly, moaning and growling happily as he did. He felt a familiar twist of pressure just behind his hips as a second orgasm began to build in the augment, ready to spill. Khan pleaded with Jim, barely getting the words out as he gasped against his lips. "Yes ... all yours ... fill me up, Jim ... I want it all ..."

“Nnngh,” Jim groaned in delight and snapped his hips even harder, nearly breaking his back as he tried to answer Khan’s need.  But it only took another moment for his orgasm to crash through him, for his cock to spurt deep inside Khan’s body, releasing copious amounts of fluid into Khan’s depths.  If the augment hadn’t already been pregnant, this probably would have done it, as Jim groaned his way through the longest orgasm of his life.  He retained just enough presence of mind to grab Khan’s cock somewhat roughly and jerk him off.

Tightening around Jim, body bucking but also clenching down, Khan cried out shakily. His second orgasm was hard and left his legs and arms trembling around Jim as he held onto his lover. Seeking out small, familiar comforts, Khan pet his fingers against the back of Jim's head, attempting to soothe both their nerves from the intensity of the experience. Even so, Khan clenched around the wetness he felt trying to slip out of his body, not wanting to part with a drop of it.

Jim bit back on a slight whine as Khan’s ass clamped down on his sensitive cock, which was still softening after the intensity of orgasm.  He lifted his head, which had bowed under the weight of pleasure, and found Khan’s eyes, managing a shaky smile for his lover.  “Wow,” he muttered.  “Is that what sex is going to be like throughout your pregnancy?  Cause now I might understand that horrible old saying about keeping someone barefoot and pregnant.”  He shivered through an aftershock and let his head fall down again, as he panted for some calm.

The look Khan gave Jim however was absolutely loving and devoted. The feeling of Jim's power had been satisfying beyond words. And Khan was quite taken with the experience. "Yes ... I think so ..." Khan said, licking and kissing along the length of Jim's neck and face, taking a few drops of sweat onto his tongue and sucking the skin clean.

“Well, I’m going to keep in shape then,” Jim said with a light laugh and lifted a smiling face to kiss Khan with.  He lingered over the sweetness of their joined mouths, which help ease the disappointment of having to part their lower halves.  But he couldn’t maintain the position any longer, and it helped his back some to slip out and settle on his knees more.  “And we are going to have so much sex,” he added as the kiss came to a tender end.  “As long as you continue to want it this much.”  His hands strayed over Khan’s flanks, and one moved to settle over Khan’s abdomen.  “And as long as I can keep up.”  He chuckled ruefully.

Khan made a small noise of disappointment when Jim finally pulled out, but he understood why, having been in that position before. And it ended up being a relief for Khan as well, as it allowed the augment to stretch out under Jim, easing his muscles back into something settled and relaxed. Khan smiled up at Jim and nodded slightly, believing that they would be having a very active sex life throughout his pregnancy, as it had left Khan with an even higher sex drive than before. "I like the sound of that." Khan said, shifting to lay on his side again. "Lay down with me, Jim."

Jim stretched out beside on him his left side at the invitation and continued to touch and stroke Khan’s body, tired and satiated, but not so much as to want to stop the contact.  His lover’s body fascinated him even now, especially where they had been joined (and fluid leaked sluggishly) and where their child lingered beneath muscle and skin.  “You’re amazing, Noonien,” he said, eyes at half mast, warm and contented.  “How do you feel?”

Khan purred and smiled to himself, "I feel amazing," he said, very happy to have Jim touching him, still paying him attention even after their lovemaking. For a few minutes, Khan just lay there, basking in afterglow and the satisfying feeling of being full of Jim's seed and slick once more. "You liked it, when I said I wanted to be gagged, didn't you." Khan brought up the topic after a little while. "You were excited by the idea, as was I."

Jim made an affirmative noise, low in his throat.  “It was even more exciting because I didn’t expect it,” he said.  “You keep surprising me and that’s just as hot as hell.  There’s so many layers to you, so many things I don’t anticipate.  I love it.  I love you.”  He dipped in for a sweet kiss, nothing more than affection in the touch.  “And I want to keep finding those layers, keep being surprised.  I want us to learn everything about each other ... together.”  He thought of the toybox he’d not brought out yet to show his lover, wondering if Khan might like to look through it for himself.  “You know I’ve never really been shy about sex ... I’m willing to try anything once.”

Resting a hand on Jim's chest, just over his heart, Khan nodded in agreement. "I hope to always have something new to offer you Jim, so that you are never bored of me." And yet, Khan did not harbour any fear that Jim would cast him aside if they eventually fell into something routine. Jim loved him. He had never said it before, thought Khan had known it through other words and deeds, it was still nice to hear them just this once.

"I want to explore new things with you too, Jim. But since you have more experience in this area, I will look to you a great deal for suggestions and explanations of the things we might try together. I want us to explore and embrace each layer there is to us."

“Well, I might have something I’d like to show you, for you to look through for yourself and see if anything appeals,” Jim said.  “Though, as the baby grows, we’ll have to judge what’s comfortable and safe for you.”  He tangled their fingers just over his heart and squeezed lightly.  “But sex is just a small part of everything else.  Not an unimportant part, especially since I’m still me, but only one part.  I want to get to know you even better, Noonien.  And tell you more about myself ... if you want to know.”  He lowered his eyes a little uncertainly.

"Of course, Jim. Everything, anything you are ready to share with me. I want to be your partner in all things. From the things that weigh on your heart, to the things that make you happy, I want you to be free in expressing them with me." Khan kept his second hand at the back of Jim's neck, fingers gently, lightly pressing into the muscle as Khan attempted to tilt his head, to recapture his lover's eyes with his own.

Jim responded to the gentle command and lifted his head to gaze into Khan’s strangely colored eyes.  “I’ll try, Noonien.  Our relationship with our child should be free of shadows and lies, as much as it can be.  There are things I’ve never told anyone, not directly anyway.  And a least one demon that’s still out there in the black.  But I want to tell you all of these things before our baby is born, so that the air is clear between us.  We’ve talked about so many things already, I can handle a few more.”

"When you are ready, Jim. I will listen." Khan squeezed their fingers together, his own thoughts straying to their future. "In time, it will take courage to explain to our child, who and what I am. If you are able to face this burden with me, I would be grateful." Khan sighed deeply, and pressed a light kiss to Jim's cheek, they still had time before these dark shadows needed to be addressed, but it was important nevertheless to make mention of their existence.

“It’s not a burden, Noonien,” Jim said, face set and certain.  “Your augmentations don’t matter to me, except how they make you stronger and able to carry this child, and we’ll make sure our child knows that, too.  Everyone is different nowadays.  What with so many races and species, we’ll make sure our child learns better than to discriminate or let anyone discriminate against her ... or him.”  His mouth twitched a little in a smile for Khan and their unborn.  “But I’ll be there for you when you’re ready.  Heck, just explaining how our child has two biological fathers will be interesting.”

Khan looked at Jim with adoration. It was a kindness to his heart, that Jim's first thoughts were only to explain to their child, Khan's augmentation or having two biological father. When Khan knew that someday, he would have to explain, why he was not welcome on Earth, and the meaning behind having such a violent past that could be read about in any history book. Not wishing to explain what he really meant, preferring Jim's interpretation instead, Khan kissed his jaw. "Thank you, Jim."

Jim blushed a little, which embarrassed him terribly, but also smiled at Khan.  “Of course.”  He tried to stifle the yawn that came next (and only embarrassed him further), but it cracked his jaw wide open.  “Oh, you wore me right out, Noonien.  I’m going to sleep like ... well, like a baby.  Before it wakes up in the middle of the night crying for a meal.”  He tenderly thumbed over each of Khan’s nipples.  “I can’t wait to watch you feed our baby.”

"If I can ..." Khan smiled, not minding that Jim was so curious and interested in this process. "In time, I am looking forward to seeing if you can get anything out of them." He said, referring to the hard nipples that Jim was currently playing with. Then tucking his head against Jim's  shoulder, Khan settled in quietly against his lover. "Today was a good day."

“And we’ll work to make tomorrow just as good,” Jim promised and snuggled closer to Khan, throwing a leg over his lover and holding him tight around the middle.  “And every day after.”  He yawned again, wide and long.  “Aw, fuck, I’m bushed.  We should clean up, but I have no energy for it.  We’ll make up for it by having a long shower in the morning, just washing everything off and out.”  He waggled his eyebrows playfully, even as his lids got heavier.

In the meantime, Khan got to keep Jim's slick, his scent, his body with him through the night. And though it would not last, the augment was pleased to keep this sort of marking on and in, his body, evidence of their union and that Jim Kirk was the man in his life. "Yes, Jim. In the morning." He echoed back, happily pressing a few more kisses to Jim's skin as he felt his lover begin to drift, bordering on the unconscious.

“Mmm, never thought you’d be so agreeable,” Jim teased lightly, blinking a few times slowly.  “I like it.  Love you.  Night, Noonien.”  His words kept getting slower and less clear as he drifted nearer and nearer to dreamland.  On the last syllables, his voice faded out completely and left only heavy breathing as sleep claimed him.


	15. Chapter 15

Montgomery ‘Scotty’ Scott bounced on his feet excitedly as he waited for Khan to open the doors to the new nursery.  He had a hovercart loaded with his newest creation, which he’d only hinted to Khan about.  He wanted to surprise his captain and friend with the specialized, changeable starcharts for the baby’s room.  Not to mention putting it together with Khan, as a bonding exercise for the two of them.  Despite his attempts, the augment was still formal with him, which drive the very unorthodox engineer crazy.  He hoped that putting together the baby’s stars would help loosen some of that insane formality.

With the door between Jim's Captain quarters and Commander Spock's old room opened up, Khan often wandered between the two, getting a sense of the extended space. Commander Spock's vacated room had remained almost entirely an empty slate, which made it easy to convert into something more suitable for a nursery room. So when the door chimed, Khan paused, taking a moment to decide which door had rung.

Answering the door that now led into the baby's room, Khan smiled with ease. "Mr. Scott." He said, glancing to the equipment the chief engineer had loaded up in tow. "Lost?" He teased, but invited the man in with a welcoming hand gesture.

Scotty made a noise is disdain and asked, “Do you really think I’d get lost on my ship? I know every inch of her ... better than even your memory can manage.” 

"No, my friend. I was only joking." Khan said, briefly patting Mr. Scott on the shoulder as he passed in front of him. He was still very careful about what sort of contact he made with crewmembers, as it was a gut wrenching experience to be having a perfectly calm and normal conversation, only to see sudden terror in another person's eyes simply because Khan had made some sort of contact with them, even as small as accidentally brushing hands. But Khan and Mr. Scott had made contact before, having passed one another tools or parts, or made jokes which earned Khan a friendly slap on the back, so the augment felt that the gesture was not too out of place. "Though perhaps one of these days you might like to put it to the test. Engage in a sort of scavenger hunt, you and I." Khan had no doubt that Mr. Scott would win, but felt that the man would enjoy the challenge, and certainly enjoy the indisputable bragging rights of winning over someone like Khan.

“A scavenger hunt?” Scotty asked, and his eyes lit up at the idea.  “Aye.  You’re on, Khan.  I may give you a head start.” Scotty strode into the room and pulled the hovercart in after him.  “I’m here to make sure this nursery is the most amazing place on the whole ship ... except for Engineering, of course.  And I’ll even let you help me set up.”  The engineer flashed him a quick smile and began eyeballing the room, humming lightly under his breath as he assessed the place.  “This’ll do.”

"Oh?" Khan prompted as he approached and began to pick through the equipment with interest.

“What ye have there is the most sophisticated starcharts ever engineered, just for your baby’s nursery.  You can set it to any place in the known universe for whatever time and date you wish, and it will project the stars at that very moment.  And show the stars movements at whatever rate you like.”  Scotty preened a little at his own design.  “The machine will have a direct link to the ship’s computers, so all new stars that are mapped will be added on automatically.  Ye can program it to show only the newest found stars, too.  Good not only for the nursery, but also for romantic nights.”  Scotty made a kissy face in the general air and then went to stroke his machine lovingly.

Khan placed his hand on the gift, already thinking about the possibilities. To see Earth's night sky once more. Or the Nebula in which the baby had been conceived. And any number of amazing sights throughout the universe. The black star of Sceptri VII, the cloud moons over Metri Tanda, the hundred year meteor shower over Jorgani II, the planetary corona of Tr'Zentra. All amazing and beautiful sights that a child born in space should have fill their eyes and brain day and night. "Thank you, Mr. Scott." Khan said, deeply touched, "This is a marvelous gift."

Scotty cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to hide a blush, which never looked good on his complexion anyway.  “No need for thanks, but you could do me the ruddy favor of not calling me Mr. Scott.  My name’s Scotty.  No Mr.  No Scott.  Scotty.  I’m sure ye can manage it with a wee bit of practice.”  He snorted and began to remove pieces of the machine off the hovercart.

“Now, it’s a good thing this room is nae furnished yet, as we can place this baby precisely where she needs to be to project properly,” he said, rambling in his own particular style of avoiding uncomfortable situations.  “I’ve run some tests, and the stars look best when she’s aimed at about a seventy degree angle. That wasn’t exactly my preference …”  He glared a little at the stubborn projection piece that hadn’t exactly performed to task.  “If ye will just help me carry a few parts to the corner here.”

Khan nodded, and would attempt to correct himself in order to honour Scott's request to be referred to by his preferred name. It helped Khan's formal nature to be given explicit permission to regard Mr. Scott with familiarity. Scotty. "Of course." Khan said, picking up one of the parts and the as he set it down in the corner, he asked, "May I ask, do you have family, Scotty? Siblings?"

“Oh, aye, I have a sister,” Scotty said, as he unpacked the last of the smaller parts, leaving the heavier ones to Khan.  “She’s a right fine lass, married now.”  He frowned a little at the idea of her being old enough to marry, even though she was a few years older than himself.  “Been married five years now.  Has a daughter, too.  She’ll be over eight years old by the time we get back.  Fine thing.”  He shook his head and clucked his tongue.

“Now, Khan, we need to assemble this just right.”  He opened his toolkit and pulled out a few items.  “Ye can help me.”  It was a sign of great trust.

Khan quietly gauged Mr. Scott's reaction to talking about family and settled down next to him on his knees to help him assemble it. "You are an uncle, then." Khan addressed the obvious, "Are you close?" He asked, already reaching forward instinctively understanding Scott's work patterns to hold together the first few parts that needed to be fused.

“Nay,” Scotty said with a shake of his head.  “She and I are far too different to ever have been close.  I nay have seen her much since I joined Starfleet, especially after I got marooned on Delta Vega.  Too busy getting all tangled with our Captain.  Never seen a man so prone to trouble.  Not in a month of Sundays.  Vulcans trying to strangle him.  Delta Vega’s creatures trying to eat him.  Jumping out of a starship to land on a damned drilling platform.  Being allergic to half of the diplomatic dinners. Having Klingons put a huge bounty on his head.  Getting irradiated.  I tell ye, the man’s given me more gray hairs than losing Admiral Archer’s beagle did!”  His voice had risen to a yell, and he cleared his throat and added more sedately, “Best friend I ever had ... sides Keenser.”

Khan sat back on his heels somewhat, to take the time to look and see just how many gray hairs Jim had given his friend. "Hm." He smiled to himself, then reached for the next part, taking the time to pull a few pieces of wiring taunt so that there would be more to work with at the joints. "I am accustomed to a very large family." Khan began, addressing the otherwise private subject calmly and as a matter of fact. "It has been difficult to adjust to their absence." Khan said, putting a few screws in loosely, to hold it in place, before tightening them up at even increments. "If I could, I would like your permission Scotty, to regard you as a brother." Khan asked, but kept his eyes forward on the work, aware that it might be too much to ask.

“Me?” Scotty squeaked and then cleared his throat again with even vaster embarrassment.  “But ye only stopped calling me Mr. Scott five minutes ago!  Not that I’m saying I mind, mind ye.  I’m not saying I mind.  I- I could be a brother ... I think.  Yes?  Yes.”  He nodded firmly to himself.  “What, uh, what does that mean to ye?”  He kept his eyes focused on his delicate work, which helped him be a little more at ease with the subject.

"You gave me permission to call you Scotty, five minutes ago. I have considered you a close and good friend for some time now." Khan said by way of explaining that the fondness he felt for Scotty was nothing new, that his desire to call him brother was something he had been sitting on for some time. Anticipating his needs, Khan handed the Scottish engineer the next tool he needed, just before he needed it. "Your friend and Captain, Jim, insist that the Enterprise is like a family. And I have come to feel that way too. What I am asking, is for your permission to regard you as family. A brother ... An uncle."

“Than why did ye call me Mr. Scott?  Only Mr. Spock does that, and he’s less like to unfreeze than Delta Vega itself.  Unless it’s for the Captain.  That man could make the Devil himself weep, I swear,” Scotty muttered and scratched at his head in a hand still holding a spanner.  (After Jim, Scotty and the other engineers spent the most time in Sickbay).  

“We are a family,” he said after another moment’s work.  “And I like the idea of being your brother ... yours and the Captain’s ... Jim’s.  Don’t know if I’m any good with kids though.  Not a lot of experience.  Unless you count Keenser.  He’s sort of childlike.”

"I call you Mr. Scott, as a sign of respect for your position." Khan said with a slight glance out of the corner of his eye. Fortunately Scotty was not holding the hyper-spanner in such a way that would do himself damage, but more then once Khan had grabbed the attention of a member of engineering from making a similarly mindless and harmful mistake. "I would not consider Keenser a child, he is small, yes, but smart and a patient worker." Khan observed, sitting back on his heels a moment to watch Scotty work.

“Oh, aye, he’s a smart little bugger,” Scotty agreed.  “When he wants to be.  He’s more often underfoot and overhead than actually useful, though.”  But it was obvious the complaints were false and Scotty’s own bizarre indication of fondness.  “Still don’t know why he was stuck on Delta Vega, but I’ll wile it out of him someday.  Closemouthed little oyster.”  He ignored the compliment, aside from more blushing on his face.  He really wasn’t used to it from someone like Khan.

"Sometimes we cannot help what is in our nature, even if such things are not socially acceptable." Khan did not know much about Keenser's people, other then he was considered tall for his race. But from the way he behaved, Khan understood him to be very loyal to Scotty, and a fine engineer. As for the fact that Keenser tended to perch on equipment, Khan took it as a kind of sentry, look-out behaviour that might be common for such a species.

“Touchy little blighter, too,” Scotty said, tongue stuck out as he worked.  “Wouldn’t speak to me for a month after I refused to take him on the Vengeance with me.  Just made pouty faces and big eyes at me.  Think he blamed me for his not being there when, you know, Captain got killed.  Thinks he could have made a difference.”  He sighed and glanced at Khan.  “Never told you about that, did I, how Cap- how Jim knocked me out to prevent me from going in his place?”

No, it was not a topic that had been addressed aloud. "Perhaps he could have." Perhaps Keenser was accustomed to high radiation levels from his home planet, and would have endured the toxic experience, but these were not things to begin to guess at. It was not how things had played out in the end. Jim had forfeit his own life, instead of asking a friend like Scotty to do so, it was Jim's crew, and an example of his loyalty and responsibility to them in the end.

Scotty looked confused and asked, “What?  Perhaps who could have what now?”  He turned a perplexed gaze on him and then it clicked.  “What, Keenser?  He wouldn’t have had the strength to kick the nacelles back into alignment.  I don’t know how Jim did ... he was already dying by then.”  He dropped his eyes to the ground for a second and swallowed hard.  “He’s the reason I can be your brother now.  Figure if he can bury the hatchet and learn to care for you, the rest of us ain’t got much call to not do the same.”

"Do not take him for granted, or think so little of him, simply because he is small and different. I believe you should validate your friend's belief that he could have made a difference, whether or not it is true. We will never know." Khan took a deep breath, then let out a hard sigh. "It has been a difficult road for all of us. Though the pain and fears in our past cannot be forgotten, I am no longer your enemy."

Scotty looked a little offended at the notion that he was unkind to Keenser and chose to ignore the remarks.  He didn’t think Khan really meant badly, but he could be a little ... judgmental.  And perhaps he was just trying to escape the subject of Jim’s death, which was totally fair.  “I know you’re not our enemy.  You’re part of the family ... and you’re adding to the family.”  He glanced down at Khan’s abdomen, a little uncertain.  

Khan caught the curious look out of the corner of his eye, then looked down as well. The little bulge looked like a growing beer gut to unknowing eyes, but there was life there, and Khan self-consciously slid his hand over the area. In the end, all he really wanted was for his child to have a home and feel loved and welcomed among the crew of the Enterprise, even if Khan himself was never fully embraced. "Thank you." Khan said, then sat forward to continue with the assembly.

“Uh, you’re welcome,” Scotty said, still awkward, even as he continued his own assembly.  He was still amazed at how easily Khan understood everything they were doing.  “Ach, man, you don’t even need me to explain the delicate, complicated stuff,” he complained.  “You and Jim are well matched.  He’s almost as bad.”  He snorted and concentrated for a few more moments.  “What’s it like?” he blurted suddenly, almost as if it had burst out without his control.

With a little smirk, Khan was about to ask if it would make Scotty feel better if he got to explain some of his work. But the suggestion never got voiced when the engineer blurted out his question. "What is- what like? Being matched with Jim?" He frowned a little, then considered that perhaps Scotty meant something else, "The pregnancy?"

“Would ye tell me about both?” Scotty asked hesitantly.  “There’s a miss I’ve had my eye on, and I’ll be damned if I can work up me courage to ask her out.  But hearing ‘bout how others have made a go of it ... I’ll get up me own nerve.  She is a fine lass, Lieutenant Romaine.  Prettiest thing next to me bairns.”

So much for Jim's speculation about Scotty and Keenser being romantically involved. Khan looked amused, "A lady other then the Enterprise has caught your eye?" He said, gently teasing. But he considered the question and request for information with all seriousness. "I cannot imagine that we are the best role models in this area ... but Jim and I have come to know one another at our best, and at our worst. And yet within these extremes, our affection for one another has not wavered. Love is not love, which alters when alteration finds." Khan quoted, and yet the speech pattern was very similar to his own. "Be honest, brother. Be willing you expose your very best and very worst qualities, allowing her to do the same."

Scotty looked bashful and ducked his head a little at the jest.  It was true that he seldom saw beyond his beloved Enterprise, but Lieutenant Romaine worked on the engines with him, and that made her just another, perfect part of the ship.  “Well, if she can already handle how I babble as fast as the ship warps and drink like a fish, then she already knows my worst ... brother.”  The word sounded a little odd in his mouth, but he said it firmly.  “And I’m nae good with words, so the Bard is out.”

Khan chuckled at Scotty's attempt to use the familiar term with him. The Scottish engineer would either become comfortable with it in time, or not. In either case, Khan did not mind, as long as for his own part, he was allowed to think of Scotty as family, as a brother. "Perhaps give yourself a chance to go on a date, that isn't quite a date. Get scheduled on the same away mission, work closely together, and let things unfold? You have courage. Be honest in your admiration and affection for her, and see where it gets you."

“She’s a wee younger than I,” Scotty admitted with a bashful smile.  “But aye, I’ll try to take your advice, Khan.”  He made a few last adjustments to the starchart machine and added quietly, “She’s also very excited about the baby.  Well, most of the womenfolk on the Enterprise are, honestly.  They’ve never had so many meetings before, so much whispering and planning.”  

Khan lifted his head. "They have meetings, about the baby?" This was news to Khan. The baby shower was one thing, but to learn that the interest and curiosity about the baby was on-going came as a surprise to the augment. He genuinely had no idea. "What do they say?"

“Well, I’m not exactly one of the invitees,” Scotty said.  “If you wanted to know, I am certain that you could attend.  You’re the main reason for the meeting.  Well, and the Captain.  Lieutenant Uhura is one of the meeting organizers, with Nurse Chapel.  They’re all excited about the baby.  Well, everyone is, but they’re the only ones brave enough to admit it so openly.  Mira mentions how they all look forward to helping take care of the baby, if you allow it.”

"Perhaps I should find a way to invite myself to one of their meetings." Khan said, and thought about making a joke that implied that the women were banding together to overthrow the Enterprise, to run it themselves, but Khan felt that Scotty might misunderstand his humor and take it as a threat. Finally, pulling his eyes away from the console, Khan looked to Scotty with a little smile, "Well, are you going to give me a demonstration of your creation at work?"

“Aye!” Scotty exclaimed and stood, patting his machine absently.  “Let’s start easy.”  He programmed the machine to show them Earth’s stars from the Northern Hemisphere in winter and then beamed as the ceiling lit up with a thousand bright dots of light.  “Oh, aye, that’s what I’m talkin’ about.”  He made the stars rotate slowly, as they would in the sky, smiling up at them.  “See?”

Remaining on the floor, Khan settled with his back to the wall and stared at the peaceful sight as if he were a child himself. It was a beautiful illusion. It was far more advanced then images just projected against the walls, the device gave the illusion that the walls were transparent and that they were looking up at the true night sky. "This is beautiful, brother." Khan said softly, watching the familiar constellations drift overhead. "Thank you for this."

“And you can verify the magnification, so you can see them close up-”  Scotty demonstrated by focusing in all the way on one star “-or from a distance.”  He zoomed out so the stars were tiny pinpricks, but one could see much more than a normal night sky.  “And the rotation can be whatever you want, from a normal night, to nothing, to superspeed.”  Suddenly, it appeared as if the stars were on a frantic merry-go-round.  “They can also be labeled.”  The names of all the stars that had names appeared on the display.  “There are a lot of things you can do.”

It would be a soothing sight for bedtime, and eventually an extremely useful educational tool, which made Khan all the more pleased. "This is a very complex design. I am grateful for your mind." But Khan had always respected his work, having adapted technologies off of Mr. Scott's theories and formulas. "Starfleet will likely want their own prototype, to use at the academy." But Khan and the baby got to enjoy it first, so it was certainly a special treat.

Scotty shrugged, unconcerned with that idea.  “Admiral Archer will have some apologizing to do first.”  He made a few adjustments to change the sky to the one they were currently traveling in and showed the stars just as they were outside the observation lounges and viewscreen.  They were at the same size as if one were looking from inside the ship and then he zoomed out a bit until there was suddenly a Starship Enterprise sailing through the stars.  “You can show your wee one home, too.”

Khan was completely silent, but it was not with the intent of being rude. He was quite taken with the sight, as if the child were already seeing these beautiful sights out of his own eyes. He was transfixed and in awe, enjoying how the sometimes claustrophobic walls had been transformed into the vastness of space. It alleviated all feelings of being trapped inside. The sight was quite freeing to his brain. "Look at us." He said, unblinking and laid out on the floor, hands lightly folded over the hidden womb.

Scotty laughed softly and looked up more intensely, too.  “Aye, brother, look at how we sail through the stars.  Such a tiny speck, but the Enterprise is her own star, too.  And Captain Kirk steers her course.  Is that nae a wondrous thing?”  He glanced at Khan again, how the augment lay, with both hands protectively and lovingly placed over the small bump of his child.  “Shall I leave you to it?  Ye can share with Jim when he returns.  Shift’s almost done.”

"Beautiful." Khan agreed, then tilted his head on the floor to look back at Scotty. He smiled and turned over to get to his feet, wanting to meet the engineer's eyes straight on. "I owe you something tremendous for this gift." He laughed a little at himself, "I might not leave this room, for the next eight months."

Scotty snorted and said, “The Captain would nae thank me for that, so please don’t be that entranced.  But you’re welcome.  I just hope the wee one likes it as much as ye do.  And the Captain, for all that.”  He collected all his gear.  “And now, I’ll be a goin’.  I want no trace of meself here when the Captain arrives.”

Khan shared the joke with a chuckle of his own, but in the end he smiled as he saw Scotty to the door. "Thank you, brother. If we do not speak before then, I will see you for shift in three days." He said, since he still participated in light duties, balanced between engineering and medical.

“It will be my pleasure,” Scotty said with a jaunty salute and slipped out quickly, hurrying away so as not to meet the captain.

Indeed, it was lucky he worked so fast, for about seven minutes later, Jim entered their joint quarters and called out, “Honey, I’m home!” in what he presumed was an amusing way.  “And glad to be home.  Hey, are you in the nursery again?”  His tone had turned teasing by now, as he headed for the other room, toeing off his boots and socks as he went.  “You are turning into such a-whoa!”  He stopped at the entry and gazed around the room, eyes instantly on the ceiling.  “Wow.”

Khan turned from where he stood and slowly approached Jim. "A gift, from Scotty." Khan explained, moving into his lover's arms to kiss the side of his face in greeting. "It can show us any star chart on record. I think it is beautiful." Khan kissed Jim on the cheek again, then turned his attention back to the artificial night sky. "Would you like to see how it works?"

“It’s awesome,” Jim exclaimed, arms wrapping naturally around Khan’s waist.  He turned his eyes away from the ceiling to greet his lover with a warm kiss, which deepened for a moment.  “Now, we can have a roll under the stars every night.”  He rubbed their noses together and then loosened his hold on Khan.  “Fuck, yeah, I want to see!”

"Yes, Scotty implied as much." Khan hummed with approval. Affectionately moving his hands over Jim's chest, Khan stepped back, encouraging Jim to follow. Returning to the console that he and the Scottish engineer had assembled together, Khan demonstrated a few of the features, including the familiar sight of Earth's constellations, slowly shifting overhead.  

Jim alternated between watching how the machine worked and the images it produced, smile huge and full of delight.  “Unbelievable, that he would do this for us,” he murmured.  “Every time I think I’ve reached the breadth and depth of how much I love my crew, they amaze me again.  Look at what he’s made for our kid.  I would have killed for something like this when I was a kid.  It might even have kept me out of trouble ... maybe.”  He sat on the floor and looked at the sky.  “Show me your favorite constellation?”

"I understand the feeling, I could not stop staring ..." Khan had zoomed out, to show the very slow turn of the galaxy, he blinked slowly, taking in the soothing sight. Then after a few instructions on the terminal, the focus shifted to the joint constellations of Andromeda and Pegasus, with Venus, not far off. "Would you like to try? What would you like to see, Jim?"

“Wait.  Wait.  So, that’s Andromeda and the Pegasus, right?” Jim asked, knowing damn well he was right.  He’d memorized all the stars he could see from Iowa when he was seven and all the ones in every astronomy book and PADD he could get his hands on by the time he was thirteen.  Plus all the ones on Tarsus.  He’d made up names for a lot of those, too, stories for the kids in the group.  Anything to get their minds off of their circumstances.  “Why those?”

"Perhaps-" Khan began to explain as he sat down next to Jim, "because they were among the first I learned to recognize. Or perhaps because of their associated mythologies." Laying back on the floor as he had done when Scotty had still been there, Khan watched the slowly shifting constellation overhead. "The stars in Andromeda and Pegasus have very distinct colors and sizes." No blue was the same. No orange or white was the same. And while that could be said for any star in the universe, Khan appreciated the variety offered in just one small corner of the night sky.  

Jim covered Khan’s nearest hand with one of his own and lay back content to watch the stars as they drifted by, as well.  “Every star is different,” he murmured.  “So many stars, but all of them are unique.  Just like people.  A lot of people look at the stars and it makes them feel small and alone, but I look at them and remember that I’m never alone, no matter where I am.  I always liked Aquila best.  Imagine carrying Zeus’ thunderbolts in your talons.  How fucking cool would that be?  And Altair was always the brightest star I could see, if you don’t count the planets.”

"I can change it, if you like. To anything you want. Any star chart that has been documented is available to us." Khan explained, rolling his head to the side so that his head pressed against Jim's, wanting to share his line of sight. "Other then where we will begin to make out more often, I might start to take a few of my afternoon naps here."

“So, this gift is going to end up being for the family, and not just for the kid,” Jim teased, but he was already envisioning them having a lot of fun in this room, before it was officially the nursery.  “I’m totally good with that idea.  Can I see Aquila and the night sky over Iowa in the summer?  You know what would make this even better?  Computer, turn off all lights.  Play some noises from a country summer night in Iowa.”  He waited until the computer had followed his requests, so that now only the stars were visible, joined by the sounds of frogs and crickets and a light breeze blowing,  “Yeah, that’s not bad.”

As the eagle constellation began to rise, Khan quietly settled in next to Jim again. The sounds of Earth teased his senses. It was very easy to imagine sharing a summer night under the stars with his lover back on Earth. Though, perhaps not now. Maybe as young men, or even as children. "How often did you spend your nights lying in the fields, watching the stars overhead?" Khan asked, wanting to sharpen his imagining of this shared event.

“I used to climb up on the roof almost every night when my mom was away,” Jim said.  “After Sam left, I would sneak out of the house and get as far off as I could.  Most of the time, I’d end up just watching the stars and wishing I could be there, instead of stuck in Iowa.  It’s funny, the more stupid things I did when I was younger, the further away I got from the stars.  I nearly made such a mess of things that I never made it here at all.”  He turned over and kissed Khan’s cheek softly.  “What a shame that would have been.”

As Jim spoke, Khan was reminded of previous references to Jim's troubled youth. Jim Kirk had been very close to a very different life, one that would likely have led him to one incarceration after another. "I agree, Jim." Khan said gently, his eyes slowly drifting over the way Jim looked right now. Jim's presence in Starfleet had changed the lives for thousands of crewmen, and hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of civilians, on Earth and across the universe on other planets as well. Not to mention his direct influence on Khan, and being the sole voice that saved the seventy-two displaced augments in the end. All of which could be traced back to the influence of one event, one man. And Khan would be bring pain and grief upon himself, to mention it. But it needed to be said. "I am grateful to Admiral Pike, for the influence he had on your life." There was a debt owed there, on many levels.

Jim sighed a little and squeezed Khan’s nearest hand softly.  “I miss him.  He was the first one to take a chance on me after-”  He paused and took a deeper breath.  “-after I finally left home for good and all.  I’d made such a fucking mess of my life, Noonien, but he saw something in me nobody else ever did.  And he never let anyone, including me, get in the way of what he believed I was capable of.”  He turned his head to look at the augment, gaze bright in the twinkling of the star chart above.  “I think he would have been all about this- us.  He’d of been a great god-grandfather.”  

He looked back to the ceiling and the stars.  “I never want our child to be neglected the way we were, Noonien.  I may not know anything about being a dad, but I think maybe doing the opposite of all the crap that was done to us would be a good start, huh?  Giving the baby a home and people who show they care and just a few special things to hold on to.  That’s something we can do.  That’s something **I** can do.”

Turning to lay on his side, with their united hands trapped in the small place between them, Khan then draped his left arm over Jim's torso, holding his young lover like this, wanting him to feel protected and supported. "Yes, Jim." Yes, having Pike in their lives would have been amazing, Khan could see that. Yes, ensuring the opposite of the sort of childhood either man had endured was definitely a good start. Yes, making a home together and surrounding themselves with people who cared about them and the baby would be healthy for all of them. Khan rubbed his fingertips on Jim's shoulder in small, nonsense patterns. "We can do this."

Jim turned his head back toward Khan and smiled at him, an edge of mischief in the curl of his mouth.  “Well, that may be the most agreeable I’ve ever heard you outside of bed.”  He winked playfully and surged in for a kiss that quickly turned sweet, the moment catching up with the captain. The emotions swirling through him caused an intense fluttering in his stomach and chest region, so that he leaned a little against Khan, forehead to forehead, as the kiss ended.  “I wish Chris were here,” he confessed in a small voice.  “After rolling his eyes at me a few times, he’d know what to say to me to calm me down about the baby.  He’d find the right words to help me believe I’ll be a good dad.”  He made a small choking noise.  “Maybe he could even tell me a little about my dad, what he’d say, too.”

Though Jim was deflecting an uncomfortable situation with humor at first, Khan did not mind it. In this case, it did help bear the pressure of the intensely painful subject, for both of them. For a moment however, Khan was withdrawn and not entirely present in his usually bright eyes. But this wasn't due to emotionally retreating, but rather because he was thinking very deeply on a very complex idea. The possibility of getting pulling Christopher Pike, or George Kirk from an alternative reality, to give Jim what he needed. The theory even began to develop into a loose plan before Khan stopped himself from pursuing the idea further. It wouldn't be good enough. It wouldn't be the person Jim truly needed, only one similar. And it wouldn't be fair, to bring back lives lost, just to make Jim happy again, when others had felt loss too. Upset that he could never take this pain from the man he loved, Khan pressed their foreheads together firmly and shut his eyes hard. "I'm sorry, I can't give either of them back to you."

Jim shivered and pressed closer to Khan, free hand reaching for the small bump, the proof of life beneath the skin.  “I used to think it was my fault, you know?  That Winona never wanted to spend anytime with us.  She never could look me in the eye, not since I can remember.  Eventually, I realized it was because she saw him every time she looked at me.  I grew to hate them both- him for dying and her for making me feel like it was my fault.”  He stroked over Khan’s abdomen.  “I don’t want any bitterness between us, nothing that might hurt our kid.  So, I want you to know that I don’t blame you for what happened to Chris anymore.  I’ve forgiven you for it.  Marcus was behind everything that happened.  You did what you thought best to protect yourself and your family.  Some of it wasn’t the best idea ... but you were reacting out of pain and anger ... and I get that.  So, so get that.”

Unlike other people in his life, Khan had never been shy of looking Jim Kirk in the eye. And he did so now. Forgiveness? It was so ... human. How did Jim manage it, how was he always so good? "Jim-" Khan barely got the name to clear his throat. Though there was love between them, Khan had never thought Jim would forgive him, and had never asked, because he did not deserve to feel at peace with what had happened. But Jim was proving himself exceptionally kind and wise, by forgiving Khan, telling him that they should not carry this guilt, always lingering, shadowing the sort of parents they became.

At the time, Khan wanted to destroy Starfleet. Utterly destroy it. And that meant, taking away its strongest leaders, and working his way down until it was reduced to nothing. Marcus had incited this anger, this vengeance, this wrath in Khan. The augment had no way of knowing, no way of seeing anything good in Starfleet, and therefore had ended up destroying the good, along with the bad.

“Can you forgive me, Khan?” Jim asked softly.  “For having Scotty try to stun you on the Vengeance?  For going back on our agreement and not trusting you?  For almost using your own people to destroy you?  For being so blind by my own anger that I almost killed you all and started a war on top of it?”  He gritted his teeth on a wave of guilt over his own blindness, for letting Marcus so easily use him, as well.  He’d almost gotten everyone on the Enterprise killed, as well.  He’d tried to make up for what had been done to Khan later, but knew he had to count himself as yet another mundane who’d literally shot the augment in the back.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, confident in forgiving Jim. "You are Captain. And needed to remain in control of the situation, in the midst of chaos. I forgive you, for having me stunned. I forgive the mistrust. I understand the deception, by using the life or death of the other augments against me. I forgive your anger, while surrendering to your custody. In the end, you saved their lives. And mine. You prevented war. And you changed Starfleet for the better." Khan palmed the side of Jim's face, thumbing the rise of his cheek and jaw. "I do not easily forgive, or forget. But from the moment you saved me from being killed by my own people, I no longer held these things against you."

“Idiots,” Jim mumbled.  “They’ll never know how amazing you really are.  How much good you would have done for them.  Or how much they gave me through their stupidity.”  He eased up Khan’s tunic, testing for willingness, and then caressed the warm skin of his belly.  “How have you been feeling?  Any new sensations or pains?  You seem to have escaped morning sickness so far ... or else you’ve been hiding it like a pro.”  He wrinkled his nose at the older man.  “You don’t need to hide anything from me, you know, but if you feel like I’m pushing, just tell me that, too.  I want to know everything.  I can’t help it.”

"No, Jim. I have not been hiding it. There has been nothing to hide. No morning sickness." He confirmed, briefly looking down between them, enjoying the gentle, curious touches to his body. "Though I am barely showing, it feels like I swallowed a boulder. All my internal organs are being pushed to the side, making room for the baby. It is not painful, but it is an odd sensation." Khan explained, wanting to help Jim understand what was going on, even if some days Khan could barely get his own mind around it.

“Does that affect your body in any other way?” Jim said, sincerely glad to hear that his lover was not in pain.  “I mean, if your organs are moving about, does that make it harder to breathe or eat or anything?”  He wondered how much Khan’s insides would have to rearrange to hold their baby at 8 or 9 months.  Men weren’t naturally built to carry children.  It was a miracle women could, and nature had tried to help them out.  But Khan, with his narrow hips and very male sexual parts had not been designed with child bearing in mind.  Jim hoped that his augmentations would help him through the whole pregnancy with minimal discomfort.  

"According to several articles on the subject, those are common symptoms and complaints for many human females during pregnancy. But my appetite has yet to cease, and I have no difficulties in breathing. At most-" Khan added with a light laugh, "I simply need to pee with more urgency and regularity." Khan brushed their noses together once, then twice, before letting their lips touch for a soft kiss. "My augmentations will keep me from being in pain." Khan said, addressing the unasked question. Though that also meant, if Khan were to express feelings of pain, it was likely very severe indeed, and potentially dangerous.

“That’s one thing I hope that our kid will inherit from you,” Jim said.  “With a mixture of our genes, you know our kid is going to run headfirst into trouble.  Hopefully, our brains will also manage to make it into the kid’s skull, but trouble is definite.”  He smiled and traced a circle around Khan’s navel, marveling that the man had a navel when he never had an umbilical cord.  At least, Jim didn’t think he did, since Khan hadn’t had a womb to feed off of as a fetus.  “Anyway, the ability to recover quickly from injuries and resist them in the first place will be quite handy.”

Khan smirked, then kissed Jim lightly again, finding the idea pleasing. He too wondered what their child would inherit, and from which parent. Jim's blond hair? Or Khan's black hair? Khan's immunity, or Jim's allergies? And would the child be pale, like Jim and how Khan had been altered to look, or would the child be darker skinned, as Khan had been originally engineered. These were all questions, that could only be answered in time. Except for the subject of their child getting into trouble, Khan agreed, accepting that as fact. "Yes, Jim. I think it is natural for any parent to want these things." Khan lifted the hem of his shirt a little to expose more skin, then purposefully pushed his stomach out with air, making the illusion of it being fuller and more pregnant then he was. "Tell me more." He asked, wrapping both sets of arms around Jim now, holding onto him loosely while Jim touched him.

“Tell you more?’ Jim queried, noticing how Khan was now proudly showing off the small bump developing on his abdomen.  It had been only a short time ago that his lover had feared the changes might make Jim abandon him.  This was much healthier ... and made Jim’s insides twist themselves even deeper in pleasure.  “What more do you want to hear about, Noonien?  I don’t care what our baby looks like, as long as all the limbs are there and shaped correctly.  I think your dark hair will come out the winner versus my blonde.  I am curious to see if your original genetics come out.  They should, huh?  Section 31 only changed the outside, not the genes or any of the important things.”  He chuckled a little.  “Our kid may end up looking adopted, though.”

"Yes, Jim. I enjoy hearing you talk about our child. I enjoy hearing what you think." The more engaged Jim was in the life they had created together, the quizitive or speculative conversations, the interested touches to his body, the more comfortable and confident Khan became with the changes he was undergoing, his new position and role as partners, and that no, Jim would not abandon him. Khan worked his fingers against the back of Jim's neck, massaging the muscle and playing with the short hairs there. He was happy, and content.

"Perhaps." Khan said, not giving away his own desire, his own secret wish that the child reflected who he was under the skin, and not his altered state. He did not want to speak those thoughts aloud, only to be disappointed. The child the two of them were making together was not to be thought of as a disappointment, no matter what.

“I think a combination of the two of us is going to be more than a handful,” Jim said with a huge grin.  “I think we need to start thinking about names, both girls and boys, because I’m pretty sure we’re going to take a while deciding.  And we have a whole universe of choices now, not just traditional Earth ones.  Unless you want to stick with Earth names … or you already have something in mind.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.  After all the, first child born to an augment, that’s pretty auspicious.  Wouldn’t shock me if you’d thought about it before, even if you never anticipated that you’d be the one carrying the child.”

"Yes, I have thought about it before." Khan confirmed, he was quiet and thoughtful for a moment longer before adding, "For a long time, I thought the others would show me the honour of naming the first child, after me." But they were 'others' now, and no longer 'his people'. The crew of the Enterprise were his people now. "I was presumptuous about their love for me in the end." As he spoke, Khan used his pointer finger and thumb gently rub and play with the lobe of Jim's ear. "But yes, I do have a few names in mind. Do you?"

A pleasant shudder ran through Jim at the light touch to his ear, and he tilted his head toward it.  “If we have a son, I’d be cool with having him named after you.  Your name is pretty awesome.  We’re just not calling him junior.  That’s not happening.  As for other names, I’ve run through a ton in my head, but nothing that’s stuck so far.  I don’t think I want to use my family names ... but maybe Chris’?”  He looked at Khan to see what he thought of that idea.

Khan continued to rub Jim's lobe, pleased that they were thinking similarly. "Yes, Jim. Chris, Christina, Christopher, or Christine, with Nurse Chapel's permission."

"I was also considering, Grayson, for a boy, or Amanda, for a girl." The names were of course in honor of Spock's deceased mother. A prime example of an individual bridging the difference between two races. But Khan was not close to Spock, and likely never would be, but Jim was, and Khan felt it would be meaningful for the two close friends.

Jim kissed Khan for those suggestions, but shook his head once.  “I think Spock may save those for his own children, when he has them.  But you are thoughtful, Noonien.  We should include it on the list, just to show we’re thinking of all our family.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan nodded in understanding. Then settling the side of his head on Jim's shoulder, Khan continued to give the slowly moving constellations overhead his attention. "Speaking of couples." Khan said after a few peaceful minutes, "I know who Mr. Scott has a crush on." He teased, knowing Jim enjoyed the juicy gossip about his crewmen and friends.

Jim automatically reached up to stroke through Khan’s long hair, fingers magnetically drawn there whenever it got within his reach.  “Never thought you’d be one for gossip,” Jim trased right back, but it was easy to tell he was curious.  “Then again, I never thought anything but the Enterprise herself could attract Scotty’s true love.  So, who is this mysterious new crush?  Tell me it’s Keenser ... cause that should just be so.  The two of them are never apart.”

"Ah, sorry to disappoint you. It is not Keenser." Khan said with a little purr. "It is a female crewmember." He said, though was not giving up the name lightly. "If you want to know more, you should persuade me."  

“Persuade you,” Jim said with eyebrows raised to his bangs.  “And just how, Master Khan, would you like to be persuaded to give up your valuable information?  I think I already spoil you as it is.”  He grinned and tugged lightly at the long hair in his hand.  “Maybe I could fetch your majesty something for your insatiable hunger?”

Khan purred again, his tone warm and happy. "Yes, Jim. Something sweet." He said, making a point to kiss Jim on the neck as he said the word 'sweet'. "If you want the information, that is." The conversation between Khan and Scotty hadn't been in private confidence, but Khan was not about to reveal the heart of his new brother so easily, even though it had been his idea to mention it.

“Strawberry milkshake?” Jim asked.  “That would go with the setting.  When I could manage it on a hot night, I’d buy myself an ice cream when I went out.  Or I snuck one out of the house, if it was safe enough.  Had to be careful of that when the asshole was drinking.”  He said it all matter-of-fact, as if it were something that just was.  “Anyway, nice, sweet and cold.  I’ll grab myself a chocolate malt, I think.  No telling Bones.”

Khan listened to the way Jim spoke, that these were facts that joined the story, and not meant as a dark road to drift down. "Yes, Jim. A strawberry milkshake would be lovely." Khan then rewarded Jim with another kiss to his neck. "I won't tell." He added, as if they were young kids, young best friends getting away with something late at night under the Iowa stars.

Jim cupped the back of Khan’s head and initiated a long, thorough kiss, the kind his teenaged self shared with more than a few boys and girls in the cornfields of Iowa, under the stars.  But this one was special, filled with much more emotion than he’d ever felt for any of his other lovers.  And Jim was a master of this art, could project whatever he wanted into the press of lips and teeth and tongue.  And what he wanted to tell Khan was how much he cared.  This was easier and better than words anyway.

“I’ll get that milkshake,” he said breathlessly when he finally stood up.  “And we can make out some more under the stars, if you like.  Another awesome summer tradition.”

"I like the sound of that." As Jim stood up to go, Khan sat up and began to adjust the display so that Venus and Mars looks just a little bit closer, brighter, while triggering a few meteors to zoom from one side of the room, to the other. The technology deserved to be played with and Khan wanted to make it fun for Jim, not melancholy.

Jim returned about fifteen minutes later with a tray, on which stood two, tall frosty glasses filled to the brim with milkshake.  A long straw and spoon poked out of the top of each glass, and the shakes were topped by whipped cream.  He also carried two equally tall and frosty tin containers, which held even more of the delicious concoctions.  Easing himself down with a grace of the long practice of seduction, he held out the tray in offering to Khan.  “Strawberry for you.  Chocolate malt for me.  No nuts, so we can share without my becoming a pufferfish.”

In Jim's absence, Khan had dragged a few blankets from their bedroom, to this one. They were laid out on the floor in the style of a picnic, but layered, one on top of the other. This was not one of Khan's nests, like in the bedroom, this was more for functional comfort, and making out, as Jim had suggested. "Good." Khan grinned at his lover while accepting the treat. "Thank you." He said, taking a few sips straight away.

Jim set aside the tray for later use, snagging his own malt. He stretched out easily on the blankets, kicking off boots and socks.  “They are good.  Not quite as good as the homemade ones from the ice cream shop in Riverside, but still tasty.”  He slid a foot over to rub at Khan’s nearest calf, toes dexterous in their stroking.  “Have you ever enjoyed a milkshake under the stars before, Noonien?”  He looked up and noted the changes Khan had made to the sky above, smiling as a meteor streaked across the ceiling.

"No, I have not." Khan answered, taking another sip. Generally, that was all that would be said on the issue. As loving and trusting as Khan was with Jim, the augment did not open up about himself, or his past very often. Khan was guarded with information, but it was never meant as a reflection on Jim. But this time, he did attempt to carry the conversation a little further. "I have slept under the stars for many years, but in all those nights, I never once had a milkshake."

“Well, you were missing out on a chunk of the fun,” Jim proclaimed and then lapsed into a comfortable silence.  He shifted more comfortably on his side, head propped up on one arm and the other arm holding his malt for his leisurely sipping.  He fought against the instinct to guzzle it as fast as possible, wanting to enjoy this peaceful time together.  And with the stars overhead and the sounds of the Iowa night all around, it was easy to imagine himself back for a few moments in a simpler (if not better) time.  When he never dreamed he could be a starship captain, the lover of an augment and a father.  He glanced over at Khan and smiled, thinking the complications were worth it.  The augment almost glowed in the projected starlight, the complete opposite of his appearance after his family had rejected him.  Jim hoped it was from more than his pregnancy, but also because of Jim himself, not to mention the crew of the Enterprise.

Catching the way Jim was gazing at him, Khan smiled abruptly. "What?" He asked, "What are you looking at?" Dipping his finger around the rim of the glass, Khan saved some of the cream from going to waste, licking it off. Jim would have been obscene about it, but Khan was enjoying himself and the treat in this simple state.

“Someone extraordinary,” Jim said smoothly.  “Someone who seems to be giving truth to the idea that pregnancy gives people an aura.”  He gestured in the air, as if to encompass all of Khan’s body.  “You really are glowing, and it’s not just the fake starlight.  Pregnancy suits you.”  He quirked his mouth in a grin for the last line, tease and fire now in his gaze.

"It suits me, hm? So is the plan then, to keep getting me pregnant, so that I glow indefinitely?" Khan licked his lips before taking another sip of the milkshake, enjoying how cool and smooth it was against his tongue, and just sweet enough to satisfy his craving. "Maybe it is because I am happy." He said gently as he shifted from the way he was sitting, no longer finding sitting cross-legged very comfortable on his hips. Once he got comfortable again, the overall look made it appear like he was riding side-saddle.

“Happiness should definitely be your default state,” Jim said, “but I think I’ll reserve judgement on further kids for at least five years.”  He watched his lover shift around and settle, before holding out his malt.  “Want to try?  I love the malt flavor.  I can’t really describe it, but it’s unique and makes the drink more satisfying somehow.”  This also gave him an excuse to slide closer to his lover, as well.  

Accepting the offering, Khan took a sip to get a taste, then another to properly enjoy it. "That is quite good." He said, "It has a slightly different texture to it then mine." Khan then returned the offering, before he went ahead and consumed both their treats. "Thank you." Khan did not return to drinking his own milkshake again straight away, but smiled at Jim and lifted his head to watch another random shower of meteors.  "And thank you for sharing this sight with me, this part of your life."

Jim looked up and said, “Well, we’re from different places and times on Earth, but we did share the stars and sky, right?  Will you show me the stars from your part of the world?”  He glanced over at Khan.  “Did you ever find time to just enjoy them?  Or was there no time for that during your tenure on Earth?”

Sitting up, Khan began to input the coordinates to a remote location, high in the mountains. The place he remembered had no formal name, but the night skies were that sharpest he had ever seen while on Earth. Ordering the computer to turn the sounds of Iowa off, Khan settled back on the floor. The moon was low on the west horizon, with celestial north and the constellation Draco directly before them.  "The mountains between India, Nepal and Tibet are cold, but dry. I remember many nights, among the rocks and dunes, being able to enjoy the peaceful sight of the stars above."

“Computer, can you give us the natural, non-human source night sounds from 300 years ago on a summer night in the Himalayas between the old Earth countries of India, Nepal and Tibet?” Jim asked, preferring the surround sound to go with the night sky.  In a few seconds, a new, equally peaceful, set of sounds filled the room.  He closed his eyes and just listened for several long moments, before opening them again to take in the sky above him.  “Ophiuchus and Serpens Cauda and Caput,” he named, pointing at a pairing of three constellations.  “With Scorpius and Libra below.  Your night sky was beautiful, too.  From this vantage, you feel you could almost reach up and grab a few of them.”

Closing his eyes, and dropping his head down, Khan listened to the sounds of home. He had not expected the computer to have anything on file, not when there was no birdsong or rain showers of the region to fill the air. There was a strong wind, the occasional crack and moan of ice, and the sound of sand working its way against rock. These were subtle noises, and nothing at all like the very lively sounds of crickets and frogs of Iowa. "It was a risk, leaving Earth." Khan began abruptly, "But with so many stars in the sky, I felt at least one of them would offer a habitable planet within its orbit."

Jim risked a glance at Khan and then back to the sky, smiling a little to himself that Khan had willingly brought up his past.  “Whatever the truth about the past, you were very brave, Noonien, and it’s because of you that any of the augments survived.  Especially given the technology of the time.”  He listened to the winds, thinking they were almost mournful now, as they talked about this.  “It must have been a lonely place to find yourself.”

"The technology." Khan repeated with a scoff. "It was the best we could manage at the time." Pushing his milkshake a little further away on the floor, Khan stretched out, laying his head on Jim's lap as his eyes searched the artificial night sky. "Play with my hair, Jim? Please." He asked after a few quiet minutes, trying not to let himself get pulled back into memory, but remain in the present, with his lover and their life now.

Jim shifted to sit up, still holding the malt in one hand and slowly sipping at it.  He dropped his other hand to stroke through Khan’s hair, tenderly combing the strands.  “I’ll never push you to tell me more than you’re comfortable with, Noonien, but in all honesty, I would like to know more about you.  I think the history lessons we’ve learned are one-sided.  Hearing the other side would be beneficial.  But more than that, you’re a part of my life now; we’re going to have a child.  I want to know all about the man I’m sharing this with.  Not now, maybe, but someday, I hope you feel safe enough to tell me.”  He leaned in to kiss Khan’s forehead, dexterously managing the malt, the stroking and the kiss at the same time.

Looking up, Khan's intense eyes shifted from the stars, to Jim. They captured what little light there was in the room with ease, reflecting even the smallest amount of gold and white, blue and green from the stars and galaxies within the visible heavens. "You won't find it upsetting?" Yes, there was more to the Eugenics Wars and the augments then history recorded, they had not started out the great villains that history painted them to be. But nor had they been the great saviors of Earth, as they had been designed for. "I do not want to spoil what we have."

“Can’t let the past interfere with the present,” Jim said fiercely.  “We both’ve had to learn that lesson the fucking hard way.”  He lightly tugged at Khan’s hair, before returning to the gentle petting motions.  “I was more worried of how it might affect you, having to actively remember it all.  I never thought it might have anything to do with us.  Who you were then and who you are now ... I’d wager the Enterprise those two men would barely even know each other.”

Khan slid both hands over his abdomen, cupping the area where their child was busy growing and developing. "You would be correct." He said, blinking slowly as Jim pet his hair. It was a few minutes more before he spoke again, "I want to take our child to the surface of as many planets as we can. To experience wind and rain. Soil and grass. To see sun and starlight, moons- I did not experience these things until I was thirteen. Before then, I had lived my entire life underground. I knew of the sun a scientific concept, only. I do not want our child to wait that long before experiencing these things."

Jim bristled a little at the idea of Khan being deprived of those things for so long.  The outdoors had been Jim’s freedom since he was old enough to run away for himself.  “Anywhere that’s safe enough,” he promised softly.  “I want our child to know about people of all kinds, to have that be the norm instead of the exception, so that nobody is different, nobody is wrong or better.”  He huffed a short laugh at his choice of words, but continued, “Nobody is, you know.  Just not the same.  And that’s a good thing.  We’ll have the best traveled kid ever.  Just wait.”

Satisfied that they were in agreement on this, that their child would not feel trapped or caged, deprived of natural environments, Khan nodded. It would be several years before their child would see Earth, first hand. And by then, it would likely be thought of as just another planet, no better or worse then those that came before, just as Jim said. In the end, no single planet would be thought of as home, the Enterprise was home, until Jim got reassigned. Then ... then, Khan would need to figure out a way to follow him. To keep their family together. But that decision was along time off yet.

Jim finished the first part of his malt, considered and decided to wait for later to finish, even if that meant it was truly a liquid before he got to it.  He set the tall glass safely aside and then shifted so that Khan’s head would be even more comfortably situated on his lap.  His second hand joined the first in stroking through Khan’s hair, fanning out the entire length over his lap and hanging over the other side.   _Fuck, Khan was so hot …_

“So,” he said, voice on the edge of growly, “now might be a good time to see if making out under Indian skies is just as good as making out under Iowan skies was.  What do you say?”

"Yes, we must be very scientific about this, we won't know until we experiment ..." Khan said with an amused hum to his voice. Tipping his head back slowly until one of Jim's hands came into view, Khan nipped at his wrist with his lips, then kissed the delicate skin there. Treating this spot as bait that would reel him in, Khan sat up so that kissing Jim on the wrist became kissing him on the lips.

Jim slid his hands through the long hair and around the back of Khan’s head, tilting his own to meet Khan’s lips and open his mouth for the kiss.  He shifted expertly with his lover, legs spreading to frame his lover’s narrow hips.  “Would you like me on the bottom?” he murmured against the soft lips.  “However you want to lie is good by me.”  He dotted small kisses around Khan’s high cheekbones and over his forehead.  “Whatever you want to do is good by me,” he clarified.  “Anything.  Just tell me.”  

Closing his eyes as Jim kissed his face, Khan looked much like a cat laying in a spot of sunshine, basking in his pleasure. Pressing his hand to Jim's hip, Khan leaned forward into this new position, kissing Jim on the mouth, deep, but quick and playful to tempt his lover into more. "Perhaps you could lay back-" he began, fingers grabbing at the fabric of Jim's pants around his waist, "while you moan under my stars, while I suck you off."

“I might be persuaded,” Jim murmured.  “If I get to take all of my clothes off first.  I might even ask for a little of that mouth elsewhere.”  He smirked a little and winked at his lover, before settling back on the blankets.  “You know what might make me taste even better?  Strawberry shake.”  He wriggled out of his shirt and tossed it far away, before deliberately stretching to show off his muscles.  “Come here?”

Sitting on his knees between Jim's legs, Khan was postured in a very dominant fashion. And while he had taken on a more submissive position in their sex life and in daily activities recently, it was clear that his dominate nature was still there, just under the surface. "Where else might you want my mouth?" Khan prompted, leaning forward so that their hips were pressed firmly as he teased Jim with another kiss.

Jim thought it was good to indulge both sides of Khan’s personality, allowing the augment to indulge in the more dominant side of his nature in the moment.  He ground up into the firmness of Khan’s groin, indulging them both in some lovely friction.  “I want your mouth everywhere, Noonien.  I fucking love your mouth.  It’s hot and mobile and so, so talented.  Please just bite and kiss and lick and whatever you want ... everywhere.”  He fell into a pleading tone, eyes wide and imploring, knowing that they both enjoyed that a lot.

Yes, Khan enjoyed that quite a lot. With a lick of his lips, Khan gave a bite to Jim on his jaw, eyes narrowing mischievously as he reached forward to grab what was left of his milkshake. Using his thumb to stopper the end of the straw, Khan lifted it from the glass and held it precariously over Jim's torso. It threatened to drip, but Khan tilted it so that it just dripped back on itself. "This will be cold." He warmed with a smirk. "Are you sure you want it? Is it worth it, to have my mouth on your skin?"

“That’s not even a legitimate question, is it?” Jim asked, eyeing the straw eagerly.  “Your mouth will warm up any cold instantly.  You could fucking melt the arctic, you’re so hot.  And it’ll be awesome to have the cold, then hot.  Make me feel even more.  Don’t hold back on me, baby.”  He stroked up his lover’s abdomen as far as he could reach, playing with the trail of hair that snuck down into his pants.  “Please.”

Khan frowned a little, unsure why Jim would call him 'baby'. It was not a term of endearment Jim had used with him before, and Khan was not sure he liked it. But it was not enough to spoil the mood, so it went ignored. Instead, Khan planted his hand firmly on Jim's hip to keep him from bucking up as he finally released the cold drink from the straw, letting it fall in a squiggly line across his lover's torso. But it wasn't much, just the single pink line of strawberry milkshake, so Khan reached forward and loaded up another straw, before spilling over his lover, this time catching one nipple and part of his neck.

Jim moaned and arched extravagantly into the lines of cool along his torso, before reaching up to his lover.  “That’s so lovely, Noonien.  Cold ... but I can almost feel it vaporizing on my skin, that’s how hot I am for you.  Please, use your tongue to start.  I want you.  Over me.  And in me ... if you want.”  He spread his legs in complete and open invitation to the other man, not at all ashamed to ask for what he wanted.  “Anything you want, Noonien.  That’s what I want.  Fuck me stupid, if that’s what suits you.  Go gentle and slow and sweet and tender.  They both sound good.  They both will be fucking amazing.  Just, please, Noonien, touch me.  I want you strong hands and mouth everywhere.  That cock, too.”

Fisting his hands and pressing them into the floor, Khan held himself up over his lover, though let his head drop between his shoulders as he began to lap up the strawberry treat from Jim's body. He kept his tongue flat and wide against the skin, dragging his tongue to thoroughly clean each inch. Khan was unsure what he wanted either, gentle or hard, but he knew he would work up to it either way.

Tongue, then teeth scraping against Jim's nipple, Khan groaned softly, sucking slowly, briefly imaging he was drawing out the milky taste from his lover. He could understand why it appealed to Jim, it was fun, and felt good to keep his mouth sealed around one section of skin, relentlessly teasing the hard nub. Then offering some relief from the experience, Khan pulled his mouth away, and in place began to rub his hands over Jim's chest, up his stretched out body, then down to his hips, which he rubbed and rolled in each hand.

"Mmm, Jim-" Khan purred, eyes narrowed with pleasure as he licked across his delicate throat. "Love you. Love your skin. Love tasting you. Love touching you. Love hearing you."

“Fucking Hell, that’s so gooooood,” Jim moaned and grabbed hold of Khan’s hair, before his hands gentled to just cup the spread of his skull.  He still tugged at him to urge the licking and sucking to continue, body flushing hot with each touch against his sensitive skin.  The eager attention to his nipple made him whine loudly and arch up as far as Khan allowed.  He could tell Khan understood his own kink and wriggled under the delicious torture, whining in loss when Khan released the aching nub.  “Other one?” he murmured, eyes blown with pleasure, and tilted his chest up to indicate that he wanted Khan to make the second nipple as peaked and red as the first.  His cock was pressed intensely against the seam of his pants, making a nice wet spot on the fabric.  He was certain Khan could smell how very turned on he was.

"Yes, Jim? This one right here?" Khan teased as he closed his mouth around the path of skin and began to suck languidly, tongue teasing the nipple back and forth, then sucking harder. He enjoyed when Jim squirmed against him, finding it as one of his own turn-ons. Though Jim pulling at his hair was good too, and even as he pretended to growl, his head rolled into the touch, moving the way Jim directed and urged.

So as Jim writhed and squirmed against him, Khan began to pull at his pants, edging off a few inches at a time, until the fabric was pulled down just enough that Jim's underpants were visible. With his straining erection, and wet stain against the fabric, Khan moaned in pleasure, almost instantly trading his nipple for the wet patch, sucking at Jim through the fabric, making it even more damp with his mouth.

The move tore another ragged cry from Jim’s lips, and he had just reached the point of over-stimulation on his nipple and had been about to plead for mercy.  But instead of mercy, he received this new tormenting pleasure to his groin.  Not enough, nowhere near enough to truly meet his needs, but enough to make him buck and cry for more.  He could just feel the outline of Khan’s teeth where the head of his cock pressed hard against the straining fabric of his briefs, and he cursed himself for not having the foresight to just go commando today.  It was always an illicit act of kinky fun to sit in his captain’s chair, with nothing but the thin black of his overly tight pants pressed against his most intimate parts to separate him from his second true love.

And tonight, it would have been one less barrier between himself and Khan’s fabulous mouth.  

“Suck me!”  he pleaded in a rough tone.  “Need to feel your mouth all around me.  Feel how deep you can take me in.  Please, Noonien.”

Khan growled at being given this order. Not that he wouldn't do it. But in his own time. He pressed his tongue purposefully against the fabric, making it completely wet with his hot tongue. Then sucking at Jim through this barrier wasn't enough for Khan either, so he pulled at the top hem until Jim's cock popped free, smacking directly against his lips and the little smile pulling across his mouth. He sucked at the head with slow, careful attention, enjoying the heat of his throbbing cock against his lips before he began to take him against the flat of his tongue, swallowing back saliva around his skin, groaning happily as he began to suck him off.

The growl made Jim shiver, but not at all with fear.  Feral Khan always edged up the danger of their encounters a little bit and just served to make Jim hornier than ever.  He’d always liked his sex with a bit of an edge, sometimes even a bit of pain, depending on how he was feeling.  And Khan with his super strength was one of the most dangerous lovers Jim had ever bedded.  (The Gorn probably still took first place, followed by the tentacled hermaphroditic species, but Jim was never going to tell Khan that.)  So, instead of pulling away from the threat, Jim pushed right up toward Khan, rewarded when the augment freed his erection and began to pay it direct attention.

And now, Jim was in heaven, even though Khan proceeded to go slower than he might have wanted, the direct application of teeth and lips and suction made Jim more and more wanton.  He babbled out nonsense and gripped again at Khan’s hair, this time not letting go.  With the augment, etiquette was often everything, but in this, Jim had learned where boundaries could (and should) be pushed.  

With the slightest nod, Khan responded well to the firm hand in his hair. His eyes dropped half closed as he sucked the cock in his mouth to the back of his throat. Groaning heavily through his nose, Khan fucked the back of his own mouth, tongue twisting and curling around the intrusion. But he seemed relaxed to have Jim stuffed in his mouth like this, after all, it was what he had verbalized to Jim earlier, what he wanted. And it was true, Khan was proving eager to suck and swallow, cleaning and drinking back the taste of his lover.

“Shitfucksonofafuckingbitch,” Jim muttered through clenched teeth, trying not to end embarrassingly early.  The sheer and obvious joy in Khan’s actions were drawing him near to finishing even quicker than the pleasure itself.  He felt like Khan had flipped a switch and gone from domineering to acquiescent, giving Jim his mouth freely.  And if Jim were in a better position, he would have fucked that pliant mouth as hard as his hips could go.  As it was, he could just manage a bit of flailing and bucking, which was not near as coordinated as he would like.  “Nnnnnrrrrrrrrghhh, not gonna last,” he confessed with a groan.  “Soogoooood.”

Lifting his gaze, Khan evaluated the state of his lover. The look was slightly devilish, considering he also let Jim's erection slip from his mouth so that he could speak. "Shall I stop, Jim?" He said, licking the corner of his mouth, then pressed his lips to Jim's sac, kissing the skin and letting his nose brush against the soft hairs. "Would you like to be kept on the edge? Or would you like to fuck my mouth?"

Jim’s cock ached the instant Khan released it, and his whole body twinged in shared discontent at the loss.  But Khan’s question warranted consideration, so he fought to form a coherent thought and managed, “Wanna be fucked.”  So, it wasn’t exactly an answer to the question, but it was an answer.  He wriggled in Khan’s hold, cock bobbing in the air and getting no relief.  “Come now and later?”  It came out as a question, a very hopeful one.  He wanted to come in Khan’s mouth and while he was speared on his lover’s cock.  That was definitely a good plan.

"Yes, Jim. I will draw another orgasm out of your sweet body, if I can. You do not need to choose between one or the other." Khan said, then pressed his tongue coolly against the underside of his shaft, licking at the taste of salty skin. Swallowing, then clearing his throat, Khan parted his lips again to take Jim against his tongue and back into his mouth. This time however, Khan settled low on all fours, so that his face was pressed in close to Jim's groin, while his arms hooked under the back of his thighs, anchoring himself down, showing no signs of wanting to pull away again until he had what he wanted dripping down the back of his throat and on his lips.

Jim’s hips stuttered up against the hold, where Khan had him deep.  His tenuous hold on his control abandoned him in a literal flood of pleasure.  And he did indeed give Khan exactly what he seemed to want, copious amounts of semen right into his eager mouth.  He also nearly wailed, allowing himself free rein to be noisy.  Khan liked it ... and so did he.  Especially now that there was no Vulcan next door to hear even through the sound-proofing.

Khan swallowed, then swallowed again around a breath of air. He hummed deliciously, even as he pulled his mouth off, Jim still slick with spit and cum, a sticky mess that Khan seemed to want to savour, licking off the drippings as if this were the dessert Jim had fetched for him. And he not only glowed, but seemed to look slightly flushed now, his skin pink with pleasure and pride at getting Jim to orgasm like that.

“Mmmmm,” Jim hummed and did his best impression of a puddle against the blankets.  He blinked contentedly up at Khan, hands still loosely around his head, though they slid down to stroke over his broad shoulders.  He tugged at him gently and levered himself up, loving how solid and strong Khan was that he could just use him as a pull-up bar, for a kiss, sealing their mouths tightly.  He opened his own mouth and asked for Khan’s tongue with light flicks of his own, expertly manipulating the lovely mouth against him.  His tongue sought the lingering taste of himself on Khan’s skin, which made him moan deeply.

Sharing the taste as their tongues brushed, Khan moaned softly in response. His hands moved back on to Jim's hips, rubbing over the edges, before going back to working his pants down, all the way this time. "So good, Jim." Khan said with a soft purr to his voice. Then he laughed abruptly, struggling with getting the pants off from around Jim's ankles, "Grh, fix this ..."

Jim laughed with him, eyes crinkling at the corners in mirth.  He enjoyed sex that was fun, as well as pleasurable.  His legs wiggled, until he pried the tangle of pants and briefs off his ankles with his clever toes.  He kicked them away and slid his hands down his shoulders and to Khan’s waistline.  “May I finish with your disrobing?” he asked with a leer, that was softened by the remaining laugh lines around his eyes.  “I want to see what you’re hiding.”

"Yes, Jim. Thank you." Khan said, looking down between their bodies to watch Jim's hands at work. Soon, Khan would need to decide if he wanted to start wearing long, one-piece tunics, or larger shirts with pants that stretched around the bulge of his belly. By next month he would need to commit to a decision, of what was comfortable in private, and what was comfortable in public.  

Jim eased the pants down and paused midway to press a tender kiss to Khan’s abdomen.  In fact, he basically french kissed the area, making his desire and delight for his lover (including the new baby bulge) very clear.  Almost obscenely so.  But Jim wanted to be clear that every part of Khan was sexy.

When he finally got back to the disrobing, he eased pants and briefs completely off of Khan’s cock and greeted the organ with a blistering kiss to the tip.  Clearly, every part of Khan really was amazing, and Jim never got enough.  But he didn’t stay there long, preferring to free Khan completely from the cloth and toss it away.  “Mmm, perfect.”

 

Though the augment did not think of himself as needy, and would be very offended if it was at all suggested or implied, he did however need and benefit from the reassurance Jim offered. That yes, Jim still found him attractive, still wanted him, regardless of his state. Self conscious doubts had no time to settle for very long, with Jim offering these casual, recurring reminders, in both words and through touch and affection.

Dropping his hips, Khan rested his erection against the inside of Jim's thigh, pinning him to the floor as he laid out on top of his lover, kissing the side of his face and neck. "I want to rub against you, Jim, kiss and touch you a little more under these stars ... then I will have you." He promised with another soft kiss, this time to the small groove, between jaw and ear lobe.

“Sounds perfect,” Jim said and stretched out contentedly beneath his lover, one leg wrapping around his narrow hips.  But his expression changed from languid to mischievous in a split second, and he asked with all innocence in his tone, “Think we should use a rubber this time?  Be tough to have two pregnant men dragging about the Enterprise.”

Khan huffed, "I think if you were capable of getting pregnant, it would have happened by now." He then kissed and nuzzled the side of Jim's neck, but added after a moment, "But if you prefer that I do, I will." Khan said, treating the comment with respect, in case Jim did want to use protection with him from now on.

“Nah, I think I’m safe,” Jim said with a warm smile and a kiss to Khan’s neck, thanking him for not taking offense.  “And I hate the thought of any barrier between us.  Your cock is too good to be covered.”  He snuck a hand between them to jerk at the very head of said appendage and then tugged at it a little harder.  “You’re a little wet, Noonien.  Are you going to spread that all over my thighs and cock?  Make me smell like you?”

"Yes, Jim. I would like to." Khan said as a rough, pleased sigh was dragged out of him as Jim teased the head of his cock. Though for now, he thrust a little into that curious hand, enjoying the warm friction of their skin as he rubbed against his lover. "You are not in a rush, are you?" He asked, kissing sweetly at his shoulder and collarbone, satisfied to have Jim's taste on his lips at all times.

“Nope,” Jim said.  “We’ve got all night.  And more, if you want it.”  He made a show of flexing his body under Khan’s and enjoyed the way the lovely, firm cock rubbed against his skin, leaving a wet trail behind.  “I just get excited when I think about all the things we can do together.  Makes me antsy and wanting.  No matter how long I want it to last or if I’ve just come and should be a boneless heap.”  He stroked through Khan’s long hair again and tangles some around the fingers of his left hand.  “You don’t mind that you drive me crazy, do you?”

Khan purred softly as Jim spoke and continued to touch him. He understood. Sometimes sex was about relieving stress, or strengthening bonds, or a bit of both. Sometimes it was about acting out a little scene or game, and sometimes it was about trying something new. "As long as you are happy about it, Jim, and not genuinely frustrated." Khan said, pressing his tongue against the lovely hot vein in Jim's neck, drawing it even more to the surface. "Would you like to try something new? A position from that book of yours?"

Everything about Jim projected his immense enthusiasm for the idea of trying something new.  “What did you have in mind?” he asked, voice low and eager.  “You know I’m a daredevil who loves to try anything.  And with you, that goes double.  So tell me, Noonien, what you were thinking.  Your mind works in such amazing ways.”  He lifted his torso up a little to press them closer together and nipped at Khan’s right earlobe.  “Tell me everything.”

"Well, Jim-" Khan began, settling a hand on his hip, "I think we can both agree, that I enjoy having your hands on me ... but perhaps we should try it once, where you cannot touch me ... either you keep your hands against the wall, or perhaps we even bind them, so that you are forced to keep your hands to yourself, while I make love to you." Khan knew he had offered Jim much better ideas in the past, and hoped this one was not too much of a let down.

“I could get behind that idea,” Jim said.  “Fuck that, I’m totally down with it.”  He looked around them and conceded that there was nothing to tie him to very easily.  “Perhaps the best idea would be to tie my hands above my head and give me a little incentive not to move them or reach for you.  A smack to my ass each time I forget ... except that may not work with me.  How about a hard pinch to my nipples.  That’ll keep me in line.”  He lifted his arms into position.  “But what to keep them together?”

"I could just go to the next room and get something suitable." Khan said, reaching up to pin Jim's hands to the floor by the wrist, with his one large hand. Stretched out over Jim like this, he began to rub against him harder, smearing precum through the soft hairs around his groin and against the inside of his thigh. "I should get lubrication for you, anyway."

“Leave the other stuff for another time?” Jim asked.  “I’m down with that.  And then I get to watch that splendid ass as you leave the room.”  He smirked at his lover.  “I might even drink the rest of my malt while I enjoy the view.”  He eyeballed the container that still held some of the tasty drink.  “You know, it would be challenging to lick it all off you with my hands tied behind my back …”

It was a pleasing thought, to have Jim show his enthusiasm and lick his body clean with dedication. To worship Khan's body with his tongue and mouth. "Are you willing to try?" Khan asked, looking down at Jim, where he still kept him pinned. He rolled his hips once more with a small shudder of pleasure, then kept his swollen erection trapped against Jim's thigh until a final decision was made.

“Yes,” Jim breathed.  What was the worse that could happen?  He might embarrass himself by overbalancing and landing nose first.  But that would get him a face full of Khan’s skin and malt.  So where was the lose there?  “I want to show you how dexterous my tongue is.  Want to lick malt out of all of the little creases in your body and suck it off the rest.  It’s not as cold as it was, either.  Be a nice temperature to pour on you.”  

Releasing Jim's pinned wrists, Khan pressed a lingering kiss to the side of Jim's face, then sat up to his knees. "Allow me to put up my hair, then you may pour the remainder of your malt over my body. And together we shall see just how dexterous you are." Khan said with a little smirk, feeling they both already knew the answer.

“Yeah, shouldn’t mess up the silky strands,” Jim agreed and caressed the nearest strands tenderly with both hands.  He released him reluctantly and sat up to fetch the malt.  “Yeah, still cool, but not as cold as it was.  Just perfect for some fun.”  He shot Khan a sultry look.  “Don’t keep me waiting.  I may not be able to resist the chocolate goodness.”  He was clearly teasing.  Nothing would keep him from their games.  “You know what might make it even more of a challenge ... a blindfold.”

"Hm." Khan kept his eyes on Jim as he stood, looking somewhat imperious (mostly, unintentionally). "I shall see what I can find." He said, pressing his fingers through his hair to gather it up as he walked away. If it had been Jim, he would have made more of a show of it, but Khan simply walked, letting the movements of his strong body speak for themselves.

After a few minutes, Khan returned to the nursery (currently the make-out room). His hair had been twisted, then turned up to the back of his head where it was pinned, so that it would remain off his neck and shoulders. Kneeling down again, Khan spread out two towels that he had carried over one arm, laying them over the blankets to protect them from any spillage. Then dropping the bottle of lube for later, Khan held out the leather cuffs from Jim's 'toy' box, as well as a sash that would be used as a blindfold. "Now then-"

Even without Khan deliberately flaunting his body, Jim watched him with avid eyes the whole way and back.  He ate up the long legs, broad shoulders, elegant gait and aristocratic face and bearing.  The slight outward curve of his stomach only added to his appearance, especially when Jim considered the reason for it.  His tied back hair was the only thing Jim regretted, even if he understood why it needed to be done.  Still, he preferred Khan with his full mane free.

“Oh, you got serious,” Jim said and moved himself to his knees.  He shuffled about to offer his hands behind his back for Khan to secure into place.  “Those are very comfortable, even if they’d be no use on you.  But they’ll keep me from moving my hands much.”  He glanced over his shoulder.  “Sometime, we’ll roleplay like this.”

Fingering the skin around Jim's wrists, Khan rubbed their hands together. He lightly massaged the joints of each finger with lingering touches before slipping the cuffs on, one wrist at a time. The leather cuffs were then hooked to one another by way of a metal latch and ring. Then repeating the gesture once Jim was bound, Khan stroked his fingers across the palm of each hand, rubbing the flesh of his hand before confirming that the wrists themselves were not bound too tightly. "And what would be the scene, Jim? Tell me, while I finish preparing you."

“There are so many ways we could play it,” Jim said, as he tested the cuffs carefully.  “That’s comfortable.”  He turned his head to face forward to allow Khan to apply the blindfold.  “I could be your slave, trained just for your bed and pleasure.  Or a prisoner, defiant no matter what.  Or a faithful lover, showing you trust ... which is what I am, so not much of a game.”  He hummed a little.  “Or a shy little virgin that you seduce into playing your wicked games.”  The timbre of his voice indicated that he thought that would be amazing fun.

Khan chuckled at the last suggestion. "Can you play, shy? Hmm- I will need time to think of games to play with my little virgin. But I like those ideas ... then again, I almost always do." He said, kissing the back of Jim's neck, lingering there to add a soft bite before he blindfolded him with the sash, tying it off at the base of his skull. "As it is-" He added, now that Jim was blindfolded, "you are fairly well trained for my pleasure. Aren't you?" He asked, brushing his thumb over Jim's lower lip, encouraging it to pout out.

Jim's tongue flicked out with his lip and wrapped nimbly around Khan’s finger, before ducking back into his mouth, a preview of things to come.  “Self-taught from a young age,” he confirmed, refusing to be ashamed and flashing his willfulness and fire.  “But you’re the only one who gets to benefit from it now.”  He tilted to press himself into Khan.  “Lie down and let me show you just how good I would have done in the world’s oldest profession.”  He angled his head toward the malt.  “You’re going to have to do the honors of applying the malt to yourself, though.  Then I can seek it all out.”

Reaching for the malt, Khan briefly considered dumping it over his lover while he was blindfolded. Making him squirm while Khan cleaned him off, unable to help it, unable to get away from his mouth. But that wasn't the game. Not this time. Placing one hand on Jim's shoulder to show Jim how close he was, Khan then poured the remainder of the drink over himself with the other. The cool liquid ran quickly down his neck and chest, dripping easily to his still very hard cock. Sitting up, Khan made sure to spill a little extra over his belly, until he was coated in the chocolate substance, everywhere, if only a little bit.

Briefly though, Khan looked over his own skin, covered, colored brown like this. It was a strange feeling, being able to paint himself like this, with this strange, sticky illusion. He was glad that Jim could not see him just then, as it reminded him in part, of that piece of his identity he was missing. But not dwelling on it, Khan moved to lay on his back, hand drifting down from Jim's shoulder to the top of his bent knee. "Now then, that should keep your mouth busy for a little while."

Jim’s nostrils flared at the scent of chocolate malt, and he salivated at the idea of licking it off his  lover.  “Deliciously occupied,” he agreed and shifted on his knees, easing himself backward just a little bit.  Leaning forward, he sought out the warm skin of his lover, breathing out a light sigh when his nose bumped into something soft and a mixture of slightly sticky and cold.  His tongue flicked out and licked at the patch, tasting the malt and his lover.  “Mmmm, there you are.  Now, where am I?”  He nuzzled around, tongue flicking here and there to taste and feel.  “I think mid-chest.”  And then he began to lick like a hungry kitten, quick flicks that didn’t miss a drop of the dessert.

It was surprisingly satisfying to have Jim lick his skin clean. Not only was it erotic to have Jim's mouth cover every inch of skin, seeking out the malt flavour to clean up, but it also began to soothe an emotional state in Khan's mind. The trauma of being physically altered, and then being rejected for those alterations was likely something Khan would carry with him for the rest of his life. But having Jim blindly uncover him like this, was enlightening, it felt like Jim was uncovering Khan, the new man he was underneath. Not the one that had been engineered on Earth, the intended savior. Not the warrior who abandoned Earth, to save those who were closest to him. Not the weapon Admiral Marcus had manipulated and altered for his own benefit. And not the displaced augment, who was alone in the universe. Though all of those parts represented his past, they were reduced to small bricks in his foundation. He was not that man anymore. He was something new, and Jim was uncovering that man now with his mouth. "Yes, Jim-" Khan gasped softly, hand on his shoulder to take his weight, if needed.

Jim tipped his head to smile in the direction of Khan’s voice, not a hundred percent certain if his tilt was on target.  He nuzzled back down again to lick over the skin that led to where Khan pooched out just a bit in the center.  His busy tongue located a small pool of malt at the center of his abdomen and cleaned it diligently.  For once, he did not vocalize his own enjoyment with words, but with sounds only- hums and moans and near yips of delight (just to make Khan smile.  He could tell he was, just from the feel.)  

He reversed course when he located the start of Khan’s happy trail and inched back upward, seeking out chest.  There were two delectable nubs there which he hoped were covered in malt.  That would get him a step closer to the kink he dearly wanted to indulge in once Khan was lactating.  But this would be a delicious hint of things to come.

Khan was indeed smiling. He was delighted that they could play these games and experiment together. It felt amazing to have Jim uncover him like this, clearing the skin of the tasty treat. "Ah-" Khan gasped as Jim managed to find his way to one nipple, hard and cold in a puddle of chocolate malt. "I knew you would find it." He said with a little purr. Sliding his hand from Jim's shoulder, to around the back of his neck, Khan fingered a few of the vertebrae that led up to the base of his skull. "Before you continue, is there anything you would like me to say, Jim? Or would you like me to support your head a certain way?" He asked, wanting to satisfy Jim's fantasy.

Jim paused right before he had been planning to circle that nipple with his mouth and suck them both insane.  He shifted a little to position himself more comfortably and said, “Please say and touch however you wish, Noonien.  Don’t feel you need to hold back from me in any way.  That’s all.”  That said, he dove right back down to take Khan’s right nipple in his mouth, sucking away all of the malt.  He did not pause when it was gone, however, but continued to suck, wondering it he could help induce Khan to lactate early.  The thought made his groin throb.

Finding it rarely easy or natural to be as vocal in the bedroom as Jim was, Khan would likely remain silent, except for his loving praises and low moans. Without instruction or indication of what Jim wanted to hear, Khan gasped sharply as Jim sucked at the sensitive area, but offered no words yet. His hand however found a natural place at the back of Jim's head, keeping his lover pressed close. though noticing that Jim was still sucking, long after the malt was gone, he then spoke up, a smile in his voice. "There's more for you on the other one."

Jim moaned deeply at that and skirted over in search of the other, nearly overbalancing for a second, but righting himself.  The tip of his tongue encountered the head of the little nub and just lightly touched.  Playful, his mouth explored the whole area without cleaning the malt, teeth even chewing a bit on the peak.  But with a low hum of contentment, he sealed his lips over this second bud and soon cleaned it, too, of every trace of the malt.  Pulling off with an exaggerated pout at the end of the malty flavor, he directed his face to Khan, pooching his lower lip a little in the way Khan had tugged on it before and hoping his lover found the expression pleasing.

Khan sighed with pleasure, relaxing against the floor as he enjoyed the experience. The sucking and biting and teasing had felt like a nice wet and warm massage to the tender area. "Satisfying?" Khan asked, reaching forward with his second hand, thumbing over the pouty lip. "I wish I had more to offer you, Jim." He said, since he was unable to actually produce any milky substance of his own. At least not yet.

Jim licked at his finger again and then smiled brightly at Khan.  “I believe you have much more to offer me.  I believe there is a lot of exploration left to do yet.”  He inclined forward and bent at the waist to reach the far side of Khan’s shoulders, searching there.  He found no malt until the edge of collarbone, where the trail began again.  And loving the feel, he nibbled his way down the protrusion, cleaning as he went.  Certainly the taste and touch of Khan were so much for the better for the blindfold and bindings.  His lips and tongue felt that much more sensitive of feel and flavor.  “Are you enjoying yourself, Noonien?” he asked, checking in on his lover, as he reached the center of his chest.  He lifted his head and managed to find the edge of chin to scrape his teeth over.

"Yes, Jim. I am." Khan said, then elaborated a little, to help Jim understand his current state. "Half the time, my own eyes are closed, as I enjoy your mouth on my skin, devoted to my body, one inch at a time. The other half of the time, I am watching as you explore." Khan kissed Jim on the lips, lightly at first so that it was not a surprised, then deeper, sucking gently at his overworked tongue. "You teased me before, about being spoiled for attention. But I do enjoy being the center of your attention, Jim. It is a powerful thing."

Jim nuzzled Khan’s cheeks and murmured, “You only have but to ask, Noonien.  I love giving you the attention you crave.  It’s a powerful thing for me, too.”  He sought out and found the position to rest their foreheads together for a moment, as they shared breath.  “And so long as we’re both enjoying ourselves.”  He rocked his body backward a bit, enough to let him easily slide his mouth down Khan’s throat and back to work on his chest, finding every trace of malt left.  “Yum.”

Offering genuine praises and with sounds of his own pleasure, Khan enjoyed himself as Jim made thorough work of cleaning his skin. Near the end, his back began to arch off the floor as he groaned, finding the raw tongue against his over-stimulated skin too much after so long. "Jim-" Khan said with a strained voice. The cap to the lube bottle popped and Khan poured some of the slick liquid between his fingers, then reached down to stroke himself. "Jim. I want you." He said directly, stroking the lube over his hard cock. "Can you find my hips, while tied up and blindfolded? I want to watch you, sit back and take me into your body."

“I do love a challenge,” Jim said with a fierce flash of teeth and kicked one leg over Khan’s hips, straddling his lover.  “What I can’t do this way is prep myself though.  Will you do that for me?”  He wriggled his hips and ass enticingly, hoping to soon feel the slick touch of Khan’s fingers over and into his hole.  “You’re far too well built for me to take without some prep.”  He glanced down in the direction of Khan’s body and wished for a moment to be able to see if he had gotten off all the malt and if his lover gleamed a bit from the accumulated licking.

While the lubrication was slightly cold, Khan's fingers and the palm of his hand was quite hot. Rubbing two fingers against the inside of Jim's thigh, Khan slid his way back until he found the tight hole of his ass. There, he teased the outside, sliding around in small circles, until the motion became smaller and smaller, by then he was pressing two fingers against Jim's ass, carefully wiggling back and forth until he felt the muscle give in a little. Pressing, then backing off, then pressing again, Khan took the time to ensure that the outside, and inside rim were well lubricated, and most of all, that Jim's body was willing. “How does that feel?” He asked, wanting to ensure Jim was comfortable with being on the receiving end of things again.

Jim kept still until Khan spoke and then began to raise and lower himself on and off the fingers.  “Yeah, it’s good,” he praised softly.  “Missed having you inside me, Noonien.  Can’t wait to sit on your big cock and feel it press all the way to the back of my throat.  Gonna ride you as hard and well as I can with just my legs to use.  Gonna probably near pass out from the effort.  All be fucking awesome.”  He rocked back a little and rubbed against the firm length of Khan’s cock.  “You’ll have to hold it up for me and help me get it in.”

"Good, Jim. I have seen how well you manage with just your mouth. Now we will see how well you manage with just your legs." With a hand on Jim's hip, Khan encouraged him to sit back, to trust his guiding hand while the other held the base of his upright cock, keeping the angle he wanted until the head was pressed against the pucker of Jim's ass. It would be a tight fit, especially since Khan had not spent too long in trying to work him open. They both needed this, that sharpness to accompany that painful need. "Though if you do pass out, I may not be able to wait until you regain consciousness, before coming inside your amazing body, Jim. Do I have your permission?"

“Oh, I see how it is,” Jim said and allowed himself to sink right down on to the glorious cock pressed against his ass.  His head fell back, sightless eyes pointed toward the ceiling as he groaned in a mixture of pleasure and pain.  But the pleasure overwhelmed the pain, so that he relaxed in a moment around the intrusion.  “You want me to pass out, so you can fuck my plint body as hard and deep as you want.  Don’t try to fool me, Noonien.”  He normally would have supported himself a bit with hands on Khan’s torso, but the binding made it impossible.  So, he leaned back to support his weight fully on his knees and began to move slowly up and down.

"Jim-" Khan growled, excited. Jim had managed to take him quite deep on the first try and it felt amazing. His hands lingered around Jim's hips, shadowing his movements, ensuring that they were moving comfortably together before both hands began to move up his lover's torso, sliding across smooth skin and tight muscle. But the tips of his fingers found Jim's nipples, he gave them a little scratch around the edges, then rolled them between finger and thumb. "With your permission." Khan said again, but that aroused growl to his voice remained.

Jim tilted his head, curious as to the question, since they were already having sex, his permission seemed explicit enough.  Still, he said with grave sincerity, “Permission granted, Noonien,” as if he were captain and not handcuffed, blindfolded and with Khan’s cock deep inside his ass.  If it were important to Khan, it was important to him, so he gave his go ahead and then began to ride for himself again, slow and steady, up and down.  And oh, that was good, to feel how well and truly pinioned he was on Khan’s magnificent erection.  And to feel how Khan responded when he deliberately squeezed around him.

"Oh, Jim ... look at you ..." Khan said, scratching his nails down the front of his chest, leaving a few pink lines across his otherwise pale skin. It was immensely satisfying to have Jim's body swallow up his cock over and over again. Jim was a pro. But Khan disliked thinking of it that way. Jim was an experienced lover. He knew how to ride. And he knew how to be ridden. With a gasp to his breath, Khan spread his hands over Jim's thighs, wanting Jim to keep his seat as Khan began to thrust up, seeking out those hidden pleasures of Jim's hot body.

Jim gasped as Khan joined in and thrust up forcefully, as well as at the scoring of the nails against his skin.  “Are you leaving marks, Noonien?  Please tell me you are.  I do so enjoy when you get possessive.”  He allowed his body to fall aided only by gravity with each plunge and used the power of his legs to rise up as fast as possible, falling into a near wild rhythm.  “See?” he panted.  “See what you do to me?  Can’t help myself.  Have to have as much as I can take.”

"I will wear you out, yet." Khan smirked, eyes focused on Jim, the part of his lips as he breathed and moved without sight. Then reaching forward, Khan pressed the pads of his fingers against Jim's chest again, just under his right nipple, then traced his fingers down, "You have two scratch marks, here." He said, stimulating the raw pink skin, but not digging his nails in again to make them deeper. "Shall I give you more, Jim?" He asked, plucking at his right nipple, pulling, then releasing it.

“Yes, Noonien,” Jim said and still for a moment, tightening and releasing around the intrusion. He tilted back his head to expose as much skin and possible to Khan’s hands.  “I do love your marks.  Please, don’t hold back.”  He wriggled around and began to bounce up and down on Khan’s lap again.  “Give me your marks and your strength.”  His hands wiggled against the soft cuffs, grateful for their give against his wrists.  “As I’m bound and blindfolded here for our mutual pleasure.”

"Beautiful-" Khan marveled, pawing and scratching both hands down Jim's sides and the arch of his back as he rode Khan's cock. "Beautiful, Jim." Khan said, nails leaving strands of pink scratch marks over his lover's body, which began to turn red as Khan began to layer them on top of each other. "How does it feel, to be bound, at the mercy of something wild?" He asked, just as he reached up with his left hand, thumb and pointer finger circling the underside of his neck and throat like a collar. "Tell me."

“Dangerous.  Exciting.  Addicting.”  Jim swallowed against the fingers, enjoying the sensation.  He was a daredevil, someone who enjoyed living on the edge, and there was little more dangerous than his augmented lover.  He was completely at Khan’s mercy, handcuffed and blind, but he was also safer than with almost anyone else.  “Amazing.  Needy.”  His own body proudly displayed that need, precome smearing on his abdomen as he bounced.

Spreading his feet on the floor and bending his knees to get more leverage, Khan began to work into Jim hard, hips snapping up each time gravity even attempted to pull Jim down. "Good- good Jim, you take me so well-" The augment watched Jim, reading him carefully before his fingers began to close, tightening just a little bit more around Jim's throat. "I have you." He said darkly, then panted with the effort of fucking Jim like this.

If Khan was panting, Jim was practically gasping for air, mouth wide open to inhale as much oxygen as possible.  The muscles of his legs trembled with the effort of keeping his body moving up, as he just let himself fall back down each time.  Musky sweat broke out all over his skin, trickling down front and back and beginning to slick back his hair.  But he never slowed or gave in to tiring.  There was too much pleasure to be had, too much to be given, as well.  He wanted to please Khan and that meant giving everything he could, everything he had.  It also made talking nearly impossible.

"Jim-!" Khan growled. For a fraction of a second, his fingers closed like talons into Jim's throat, then released just as quickly. His hand dropped away from his lover's neck completely, "You nearly have me ... but not yet. I want you to cry out my name. I want you to have your screaming orgasm." he managed to growl out, hand resting over his beating heart. They had moved fast, and hard, and with allowing Khan to play with his possessive, dangerous side, he was on the edge of his own orgasm. And while it might be a trick of the brain, filling in gaps incorrectly, for a moment Khan thought he saw something quite innocent in Jim's face. Something secret, that couldn't be hidden behind a daring smile or bright eyes, made visible to Khan now, perhaps because Jim was blindfolded and was unaware of how Khan was looking at him. Both hands settled on Jim's hips, before one traded the resting place for Jim's erection, which he stroked with the back of his hand, petting it lightly in contrast to all the scratches and bruises now covering his body.

Jim gasped extra loud in that second when Khan’s hand tightened on his throat and bucked a little in response.  But he settled right back into their demanding rhythm as Khan showed his possessiveness, wanting to give him that screaming release.  And as a gentle hand stroked against his cock, he whined low in his throat, though the noise cost him some precious oxygen.  He dropped his head back as he gulped in more air and found in himself the energy for a last push to the finish.  His body rose and fell with even more force, a strange contrast to the tenderness of Khan’s fingers, but just what he needed to bring himself to and over the edge.  “Noonien!” he yelled to the ceiling as he splattered over himself and Khan’s hand, voice the near scream that Khan desired.

"Jim." Khan purred his name as he slowed down, giving his lover a chance to ride it out, to experience his orgasm in full, rather then rush through it. Sucking a little of the cum off the side of his hand, Khan pushed it around in his mouth with his tongue, until he swallowed it back with the rest. Then wiping the rest over Jim's chest, Khan slid his hands back into position on his lover's hips. The clenching of muscles and twitching of nerves was felt very intimately though their union. It felt amazing, pushing himself into his lover once more, feeling the trembling aftershocks of his orgasm. Thrusting into Jim, taking complete control of the speed this time while Jim recovered, Khan was eager for the stimulation, while Jim was still sensitive and recovering from the experience.

Jim continued to shudder every time Khan thrust back into him, the movement completely out of his control.  He was a wreck, body slick with sweat and the remains of orgasm that Khan had so lovingly spread everywhere.  Without the strength of Khan to move him up and down, Jim would have just sagged on to Khan’s chest, a puppet with all strings cut.  His legs felt like jelly, useless for any purpose, and he still drew in huge lungfuls of air to get near enough.  But oh, he also felt euphoric, on a high from a tremendous release that still coursed through his veins.  His body rode at Khan’s direction, hands still immobile behind his back and head flopping around with every new thrust.  He muzzily hoped that Khan didn’t mind his momentary lack of active participation ... but his brains really were leaking out his ears, so it wasn’t his fault.

With the illusion of Earth's stars overhead, it was easy to imagine that the two were making love out in the wilderness, with no one to hear their intimate sounds for thousands of miles. "You always tell me, not to hold back ... you tell me, to be free with you ..." Khan said, his own breath sounding hard and on the verge of something raw. Jim was getting a hard ride, but the augment was growling in frustration, it wasn't enough. Sitting up, Khan wrapped his arms around Jim, keeping him deeply seated on his lap. "I have you, Jim." He said, biting at his lover's lips. "You're not getting away from what I want ... and I want, you."

This shook Jim out of his dazed stupor, and he wished he could see Khan’s face, read what was going on in his big brain.  “What’s wrong?” he murmured, kissing in response to the bites.  “What’s missing, my lion?”  He couldn’t too actively engage from his position, but did deliberately flutter the muscles of his ass around the penetration.  “I’m not trying to get away ... even if I could.”  The last was said in a light tone and the deliberate wiggle of the arms behind his back, as if to remind Khan how very firmly he was at his lover’s mercy right now.  “So, why are you not satisfied?”

Seeking out Jim's bound wrists, Khan released his hands. Then taking each in hand, Khan pressed his thumbs into the palm of each, massaging as he brought Jim's hands forward to rest on Khan's chest. This. This had been missing. Though the idea had been to keep Jim's hands bound so that he couldn't touch Khan, the augment couldn't do without it in the end. Khan kissed his lover deeply then, moaning around the iron taste of blood, that must have come from one of them.

Keeping Jim blindfolded, Khan held onto his young lover as he tipped him back onto the floor. There he kissed him again and sat back just a little to pour a lavish amount of lube between Jim's thighs and over the part of his own cock that was exposed. Freshly lubricated, Khan pressed into the newly slickened body of his lover. With Jim on his back, the augment could rut into his body freely. He kissed Jim again, needy and hungry, but also loving and even apologetic for being so difficult.

“Oh,” Jim murmured and then smiled beatifically at Khan, even as he was tipped over on his back without warning.  His hands, now free, explored all of Khan’s body in reach- his strong shoulders, his broad back, the trim waist, the slight curve of ass that thrust so eagerly, his powerful arms and finally, into the pinned back mane of hair, which he freed to fall loose all over in a wave.  He forewent stroking the locks for the time, cupping the back of Khan’s head to allow himself to more fervently meet the intense kisses, to try and give him what he wanted and needed.  And though the rest of his body was tired and a bit sensitive, he used his remaining energy to meet every thrust and try to bring Khan to a climax as rich and fulfilling as his own.

Khan was pushing Jim more than the human body generally liked being pushed, especially right after climax. But Jim had expressed his interest in being able and willing to take it. As for Khan, it had been a while since he was in this position, and had a lot to work out of his system. The muscles in his back were stretched and strained as Khan worked to find the sweet pleasure of his lover's body, over and over again, losing his concept of time as he ploughed into the hot ecstasy that began to flood his senses. At first, Khan was so wrapped up in the experience, that he was spilling his seed into Jim, without much reaction. And in a strange sort of delay, his brain triggered a full body spasm, and the augment was coming again, hard and loud this time, breathing Jim's name lovingly on his lips.

Jim felt a wave of sweet relief that Khan had found his climax, not only because he was physically wrecked, but also because he worried that he was not enough for what the augment needed.  And that concern lingered, as the headiness of the moment cleared again and all the aches of his body reared themselves again.  He’d indulged in some light bondage with his lover, ridden him to within an inch of his life and been found lacking.  In fact, Khan had needed not only the change of position and freeing of Jim’s hands for touching, but also a rather extended bout of continued, near back-breaking fucking to finally tip over.  Was that what it really took to fully please him?  Had he been settling for less prior?  It wasn’t a pleasant thought, but Jim filed it away for future consideration, not wanting to ruin or even lessen the moment.

His arms loosened to just lie in place around Khan’s back, and he lightly petted the strands of hair that rested under his hands.  His heart still whaled away in his chest, but his breath came a bit easier now that they were no longer in a race to Khan’s finish.  He allowed his eyes to fall shut under the blindfold, pliant and boneless under his lover.  A nice, long nap beckoned.

Khan held himself just over Jim's tired and aching body, shoulders tight as his forearms on the floor took most of his weight. He kissed Jim on the side of the face, nose slowly nuzzling at the blindfold until he edged one corner of it up. With a soft groan, Khan slipped out as carefully as he could manage. Looking briefly between their bodies, Khan used one of the towels to wipe them both clean around their most intimate areas. He was careful with Jim, gentle over his bruises, and pressed kisses to his skin as he laid down on his side, arms wrapping around Jim once more, wanting to keep his lover close in his strong arms.  

Jim bit down on a groan of discomfort as Khan pulled out, the rim of his hole sore and definitely slightly swollen.  He promised the abused area a warm bath and salve later, even as he felt Khan settle next to him.  The uncovered eye lazily opened, a bit filmy from disuse and tiredness.  “Hello,” he said in a scratchy voice.  “That was a Hell of a ride.  You good now?”  He was too lazy to remove the blindfold all the way, barely managing to move one of his arms to rest a hand over Khan’s arm around his middle.  “Seemed a little harder than usual for you.”

Khan's affections did not diminish, as his lips remained close to the line of Jim's jaw, kissing and licking away some of the salt from dry sweat. "It was difficult-" Khan admitted, then after a breath he clarified. "I found it difficult to have you tied up." Khan rubbed his hands over Jim's back, hoping to soothe his pains with their dedicated, repetitive motions. "It was exciting at first. But in the end, I did not want you to be restrained."

“Mmmm,” Jim hummed in consideration, tired brain moving slowly.  “‘So'kay, liked touching you anyway.”  He did enjoy the hands on his achy muscles and continued a low humming noise to let Khan know that, since he was a bit too tired to do anything more.  “No to bondage then.  Note it down.”  His head rolled to the side to invite Khan’s attentions to even more skin.  “All messy now.”

"I wouldn't say no to bondage again ..." Khan said, wanting to shower Jim was loving, gentle attention, until he was ready for a shower or bath, perhaps in a few hours after his body had been given the chance for deeper rest. "In this instance, it was difficult to enjoy having you restrained from me." Khan pressed his face against Jim's neck, burring himself in his scent, rubbing the side of his face there before kissing at a few of the faint bruises he had left behind.

Jim’s jaw cracked on a tremendous yawn, and he smiled apologetically at Khan afterward.  “Shower after a nap?”  The gentle attentions of his lover, combined with the sheer exertions of the proceeding hours and the still running noises of the wind all around them, were leading Jim quickly on a path to slumber.  “Wore me out.  Gonna ache all over.”  His one unclothed eye closed on a long sigh of contentment.

"I will take care of it." Khan said, kissing and gently touching Jim's body, even after he appeared to slip into an unconscious state. Khan was still finding much pleasure in being with Jim, even though the young Captain was not awake to enjoy it too. And even though kissing Jim's unconscious body kept the augment half hard, he did nothing to address it, but remained devotedly affectionate and soothing to every sore joint while Jim slept.

When Jim woke a little over an hour later, he was aware first of the warm body next to his and the soft press of lips over his body, currently located on one of his shoulders.  He was next aware that he couldn’t see out of his left eye because of the cloth still covering it completely.  And then his body woke up with a vengeance, and he realized that he was a giant bruise.  “Fucking Hell,” he gasped and wished vehemently that he hadn’t woken up yet.  “I think you broke me.”

Khan was slightly alarmed when Jim woke up suddenly in his arms. His head picked up, looking for the reason for Jim's distress, only to then realize it was an after-effect of their lovemaking. "... don't say that." He said, pressing a warm hand towel to rest across Jim's shoulder. The augment had spent the last hour laying with his lover, kissing and touching him, but also bathing him by hand, cleaning his body and covering a sweet smelling ointment to his scratches and bruises.

Jim’s mouth quirked up lazily, and he said, “Figure of speech.  But wow, that’s as energetic as I’ve been in a long, long time during sex.”  He sighed at the feeling of the warm towel and then fumbled with one arm to remove the blindfold completely, setting it out of the way carelessly.  He glanced over himself and his lover, yawning again, and blinked a few times.  “What’re you up to, Noonien?”  His nostrils flared a few times.  “Is that the cream stuff from my drawer?”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, pressing his mouth to Jim's arm, slowly kissing and licking the skin there, which was soon followed by the palm of his hand, wiping a thin layer of the ointment over his skin. "I wanted to keep touching you, care for you, while you slept." He said, repeating this process a little further down, just to the inside of his elbow.

Jim smiled at his tender lover and said, “Thank you, Noonien.” He shifted a little uncomfortably despite himself, ass and back protesting.  “I need to roll over on my side,” he said.  “I could use some of that on the opposite side of me.”  He touched Khan’s face with a quick stroke and then frowned a little.  “You’re still full of energy, aren’t you?”

The augment stared back, searching Jim's eyes. He had thought that Jim would have liked waking up to the attention. "Not tired, if that is your meaning." He said, helping Jim roll to his side with both hands. Reaching over his body, Khan pulled at the clean towels and blankets, making it a wall to frame Jim's front, something to press and curl up against as Khan began to kiss Jim's back, hands massaging his lower back.

“Oh fuck, that’s lovely, Noonien,” Jim sighed and relaxed on his side more easily, since it did not have quite the sting of his back or ass.  “More like you could go another round,” he clarified on his previous remark, “if I hadn’t passed right out on you.”  He groaned as Khan hit a rough patch and grunted his way through the attentions, which eased the discomfort.  “Magic hands.  Knew you’d learn everything I showed you with no problem.  Lucky Jim.”

"Yes, Jim. I could." Khan answered, remaining honest. Though that was not why he was showing his lover care and attention. His knuckles worked carefully along Jim's tailbone, then firmer into the top side of his buttocks. Then reaching for the hot towel, Khan laid it over the small slope of skin that transition from Jim's back to his ass. Khan however kept his hands busy, rubbing more ointment over the long stretches of muscle across Jim's back, there were few scratches or bruises there, but Khan still took the time for each one.

Jim did scowl to himself than to have his worries confirmed so lightly by Khan.  Not that the augment exactly seemed to mind, but in the long run, it was concerning.  He’d have to apply his mind to finding ways to properly satiate his lover.  Starting by giving Khan a few orgasms before getting into the main event might work, and he resolved to try that next time.  

For now, he tried to show his appreciation for Khan’s actions as best he could from his position on his side.  The hands really were soothing, and the ointment worked to further ease pain and lingering tightness.  “Gonna put me right back to sleep, Noonien,” he cautioned finally.

"Shall I keep you under the stars, or take you to bed, Jim?" Khan asked, kissing the back of his neck, tongue sucking a small spot on the last two vertebrae that were visible between his shoulder blades. "I will lay with you, and care for your body, whatever your decision." For a moment, Khan slipped an arm around Jim's middle, hugging him from behind. His breath was soft, but warm against the hairs at the base of Jim's skull, where he nuzzled gently.

“As tempting as the stars are, I think a mattress is a good idea,” Jim said with a soft laugh at himself.  “But this was amazing, Noonien.  All of it.  I hope we can spend a lot of nights here, with and without the baby.”  He sighed once, before asking the computer to turn off the sounds.  “Want to deal with the stars or leave them?”  He glanced back up at the sky, which seemed closer than ever right now.

Getting up, Khan stood before the device and powered it off, leaving the room in complete darkness. Jim's main quarters next door still had some lingering light to it, which Khan walked into, disappearing for a minute before he returned with a blanket from the bed. Bending down, Khan proceeded to wrap Jim in the blanket, from his shoulders, down the length of his body, not even allowing a single toe to remain exposed. Then drawing Jim into his arms, Khan stood and carried his lover to their bedroom. The nest of blankets had kept their shape for the most part, where Khan lowered Jim into the middle. "Do you want me to use a different ointment on you, until you fall asleep, Jim?"

Turned into a papoose.  Jim felt a mixture of amused and surreal as Khan hauled him to their bed.  But the sheer affection of the gesture, the care shown to him, warmed Jim more than the blanket.  “Did you have a particular ointment in mind, Noonien?” he asked.  “I’m interested in whatever you’re thinking.”  He wiggled himself around in the blanket to show off how comfortable he was, despite the remaining ache in his backside.  “But first, a kiss?  I’d like a kiss.”  

"I want to use something you like, whatever your preference." Khan said as he settled in beside Jim temporarily, until he got further instruction of what he preferred or needed. Smoothing a few folds of the blanket over Jim's chest, Khan leaned in to kiss him on the lips. It was sweet and light, with only a little tongue, knowing that Jim was still tired and his jaw likely sore too.

Jim kissed back equally lightly, tongue soft against Khan’s, enjoying the sweetness between them.  “Did you want to shower together first?” he asked, nuzzling Khan’s cheek.  “There’s a lovely shower gel you could use.  Although, it would waste all your effort with the ointment.”  He tried to snuggle closer to Khan, which was difficult in his cocoon.  “I’d be happy just to get some sleep with you ... but you’re not tired yet.”

With one arm draped over Jim's chest, and the other pressed under the pillow and blankets near the back of his neck, Khan made a point to settle in a little more permanently. "If you can wait to shower later, I feel you should let the ointment do its job and remain on your body a while longer." Pressing his face close to Jim's hairline around his ear, Khan kissed the skin, then let out a soft sigh. "I will sleep, once I am done worrying over you."

“Worrying over me or about me?” Jim asked, now a little frustrated with being unable to touch.  He began to wriggle one arm out of his blanket and managed to free it enough to caress Khan’s face.  “I’m all right, Noonien.  A bit sore, since it’s been awhile, but nothing too bad.  The ointment and your hands helped a lot, too.  I’m just sorry I wasn’t able to completely satisfy you.”  He broached that carefully, but wanted it to be said, since Khan was worrying over him.

"I think ... we rushed the experience. We were perhaps not on the same page." Khan said, eyes focused on Jim, not wanting to upset him by having this conversation, but it was of no benefit to hold it to himself either. "We wanted different things." Khan pulled at one of the blankets that made up their nest in bed, covering both their bodies so that they were covered in a blanket that retained both their scent after a weeks worth of sleeping and cuddling and light make-out sessions. "It is foolish to think our lovemaking unions will always be perfect."

Jim snorted and said, “I’m not used to making mistakes about that, Noonien.  What did you want that I didn’t give you?”  He didn’t think it was foolish that they would at least be on the same page, but worried more because he thought they had been.  He’d had a lot of fun; it was only at the end, when Khan couldn’t reach orgasm that something seemed wrong.  He faced Khan squarely, chin raised and ready to take the blow, if it landed.

"I know you're not accustomed to anything less in the bedroom, Jim. But my experience is not as great, you cannot expect me to do everything right, all the time." Khan did not place any blame on Jim at all. Of the two of them, Khan knew he must be the one not doing things right. "I do not want to hurt you, Jim. Sometimes it happens by accident, but I do not enjoy it as an expression of pleasure. I think ... we are worried about the same thing. I am sorry I am unable to completely satisfy you, when you ask me to be rough, to not hold back, I try to give you what you want, but there are times when you seem dissatisfied with the results. In this case, my power and skill wasn't enough to make you pass out ..."

Jim softened internally into goo when Khan attempted to blame himself for everything and fought his way out of his blanket so he could grab his lion into a fierce hug.  “I had an amazing time riding you, Noonien.  All of it was awesome for me.  But you couldn’t seem to get over that last edge.  So, I must not have quite given you what you needed.  Was it just that the position and lack of touching meant you didn’t have enough closeness or stimulation?”  He forgot about his soreness now, too busy trying to reassure his lover that he’d done nothing wrong in their lovemaking.  No, Jim was sure the blame lay somewhere with him and wanted to find out where exactly.

Khan felt like his heart was pounding hard in his chest as Jim suddenly hugged him. He remained still a moment, then lifted his head so that he could hook his chin over Jim's shoulder, arms closing across his back as they held one another. "I do not know." He said in a quiet voice. "I did not like having your hands bound from me." That was the only part of it he did know, as for the rest, he couldn't say why things had been difficult at the end.

“Well, I guess you’re right, Noonien,” Jim said and kissed his ear, “sometimes things don’t go perfectly.  As long as you are not dissatisfied with me, I’m good.”  He pulled back enough, without letting go of Khan, to look into his eyes again. 

"No, Jim. Not dissatisfied with you at all." Khan shook his head, since he had been thinking just the opposite. That he, an augment, wasn't as great a lover as he should be. As Jim pressed their forehead together, Khan closed his eyes finally, finding some peace at having expressed themselves openly and with the way they were holding onto one another.

 “Thank you for trying new things with me.  I’m adventurous in everything, so I want to explore everything I can with you.  Everything you’re interested in, anyway.”  He rested their foreheads together and blew out a sigh.  “Why do things have to be fucking tough sometimes?”

"I do not know." He said, then added, "But I will sleep with you now, if you are comfortable."

“Yeah, now I can sleep well,” Jim agreed with a relieved and very bright smile.  He hooked himself to lie on his side and pressed against Khan.  “This all right?  You make a very comfortable bed partner.”  He kept a gentle hold on his lover and snuck a hand up to play with his hair.  “Both of you.”

"Yes, Jim. This is good." Khan said, face pressed to Jim's neck and shoulder. "We won't be able to sleep like this for much longer." It would be difficult for them to sleep face to face, or with Jim as the 'little spoon' as he called it. Soon, the bulge in his belly would grow quite large and they would have to adapt to new sleeping arrangements.

“You’re going to get too big for it,” Jim agreed and glanced down at Khan’s stomach, something like pride in his face.  “I’ll get you one of those full body pillows.  I hear they help make things much more comfortable.  And whatever else makes sleeping easier.”  He lifted his eyes back to Khan’s face.  “Guess we officially christened the baby’s nursery …”  And that idea made him laugh, everything in his face joyous now.

Khan hummed happily, even just enjoying the thought of Jim taking care of him like that. He would miss holding Jim in his arms at night, but a pillow would have to do, and would only truly be satisfactory as long as Jim was still curled up behind him, close at his side. "Perhaps, that is not the version we tell our child, or our friends." Khan said, giving a loving nip at Jim's ear lobe before he settled again, eyelids dropping easily as he relaxed into this position.

“No, I suppose we’ll have to leave that part out ... to Scotty, too,” Jim said, voice still full of laughter.  He pressed a wet kiss to Khan’s nose and went as boneless as possible into the mattress.  “Wake me if I’m in danger of missing lunch,” he joked, thinking of how tired he was from the night ... and the emotions.  Those always made him tired.  He’d had an easier timed as an emotionally stunted jackass.

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, tucking his head and grasping at the blanket at Jim's back, keeping hands on him at all times, still feeling protective and close to his lover. But the rest would do them both good. This time, now that he was certain that Jim was alright, Khan managed to be the first to drift asleep, his breathing soft and steady as his back gently rose and fell.


	16. Chapter 16

Boiled eggs. Mustard. Pickles. Slices of cheese. Flat bread. Fried onions. Olives. Salted crackers with peanut butter. It was disgusting. Khan was horrified with himself. But he was eating it all, as if it were his last meal.  Six more olives, chased by a cheese slice, Khan was on the verge of tears. He was miserable. And all it would take to help him feel better again would be to get up and go to the medical lab or down to engineering to find some small task that needed doing. But no, he was stuffing his face in the lounge with the most incompatible foods, wallowing in the fact that he had not been allowed to go on the most recent away mission.

Pavel Andreievich Chekov was by all accounts a child prodigy, with genius of an extent nobody yet knew.  (Although some questioned his idolization of Captain Kirk and by extension, being one of the first people to openly accept and fraternize with Khan Noonien Singh.  Scotty being one of the other first hadn’t helped his cause.)  He was also a sensitive soul, sympathetic to all beings in trouble, no matter the cause.  So, though he had practically skipped into the Crew Lounge, full of pep and excitement about the current mission (and a bunch of obscure and particularly complicated physics problems he was working on in his spare time), one look at the pregnant augment stuffing himself with a bizarre arrangement of foods and looking miserable brought him to a screeching halt.  Without trepidation (for he was far too empathetic to even feel such a thing), he walked over to the table and said, “Meester Khan, what is wrong?”

Picking at the edge of a cracker that had peanut butter and a ring of fried onion on top, Khan was mortified that he had already eaten three of these and was about to put another one in his mouth. But he was spared the vile combination for the moment as Chekov approached his table. The young man was among the youngest humans aboard the Enterprise, he was a child, and yet so earnest and eager to please. But Khan did not dismiss his kind and empathetic heart, Khan looked up and met his eyes with a deep sigh. "I have found myself in a sour mood, Ensign. Craving the most dreadful cuisine."  

Chekov surveyed the foods spread on the table and nodded sympathetically.  “My mama told me that when she carried me, she ate all manner of terrible things.  Perhaps, Meester Khan, this means your child will be wery smart person, too?”  He looked with his great earnestness at Khan.  “But why are you upset?  The keptin is most excited about baby, yes.  He will chatter most animatedly to us about it.  You must not be fighting?”

"No, Ensign." It was a kindness to hear that Jim talked about Khan and the baby with his other crewmen with such anticipation and excitement. They were not all as brave as Scotty, or McCoy, or Chekov, approaching Khan without fear, some where happy for the couple, not just Jim, but did not know how to approach Khan separately. "We are not fighting. I am upset ... I am annoyed, that I cannot go on the upcoming away mission, as there are trace elements in the atmosphere that may harm the baby, if it does not share my immunity to such things. I am feeling ... left out." He said, knowing it was a foolish thing to care about, but some days his pregnancy left him in an irrational state of mind.

“Ah,” Chekov said with a sage nod.  “This I understand, Meester Khan.  The keptin does not take me sometimes because I am too young.”  He pouted a second and then went back to his concerned look for Khan.  “But, I know that he worries about me, tries to take care of me.  That is important to me, but I still feel left out, too.  This is not permanent, no?  We will both be able to go on missions later, when we are not ... wunerable, yes?  So that is good.  Da.”

Khan shifted uncomfortably in his chair as if something had just slowly crawled down his back. "I do not like being treated as something vulnerable." There was an almost growl to his voice, but Khan took the time to calm himself, it wasn't the boy's fault after all. " _My apologizes_ ." Khan said, speaking a dialect of Russian that was common to the working class near the Mongolian and Chinese border. By now it was likely a nearly dead dialect, but Khan felt Chekov would still understand him. " _You are welcome to sit with me, if you are not in a rush to go elsewhere. You can tell me more about what your mother used to eat._ "  

Pavel’s eyes lit up as Khan spoke in a Russian dialect, even if it was a bit unusual and unlike any he’d heard growing up.  But Khan had also issued an invitation to join him and that was very unusual indeed.  He took a seat across from the other man, beaming at him.  “ _It must be difficult,”_ he said in his own, more standard, Russian, “ _to be so powerful all your life and then find yourself restricted.  But your baby is who is vulnerable, not you.  And you and the Captain would never let harm befall your baby.”_

Khan sucked inward on his own tongue, half watching the way Chekov assembled the sounds of each word. The language had evolved since he knew it, but the augment had an ear for such things and would adapt over time, the more he heard the language _. "Yes, Ensign. You are correct. The baby is the priority. It is not my intention to act selfishly in this matter, I am simply frustrated."_ Khan said, putting another cracker in his mouth. The texture was slimy and gross, and yet something in him craved it enough to still eat it.

Chekov watched Khan eat the frankly unpleasant mixture of food without a twitch.  “ _Mama used to eat coulibiac, mixed with kissel, when she was having a hard day,_ ” he said.  “ _At least, this is what she told me.  Or she would put pieces of paskha in her uhka._ ”  His nose wrinkled at the very thought.   _“Papa would be much distressed by her eating, but she could not help herself.  It is ... soothing to know that your pregnancy is not so different.  Your child will be like any other child, if it is so.  Does that not make sense?”_

" _It distresses me too, and I am the one eating it. But I understand you, Ensign. It is a good sign, that as bizarre as the circumstances are of this pregnancy, there are still some things that are ultimately universal_." For humans. Khan placed a hand over his swollen belly as he sat up a little in his chair. The pressure on his back and his hips was relentless, but tolerable. There was only so much room for the child to roll around, stretch or kick, and usually it came at the cost of one of his internal organs being further pushed to one side.

Pavel’s eyes went directly to the now very obvious roundness where Khan carried the child of himself and Captain Kirk.  His expression was most accurately described as moony.  “ _Perhaps you would feel better if you could do something else?”_ he suggested, eyes never leaving their new focus.   _“I have been working on a new problem that the captain gave me.  He is a genius, too, but he hides it sometimes._ ”  His mouth bowed downward at the sides.  “ _This I do not understand.  However, the problem is quite tricky, and I have been stuck.  I was going to run a few experiments with the transporter, after a drink.  Would you help me?”_

" _Thank you, Ensign. I would appreciate the distraction_." Khan said. Yes, Jim could probably figure it out himself if he took the time to address the problem. But it was more likely that he was giving Chekov something to do, too. Like a new chew toy, to a dog that had been kept inside all day. The problem was likely meant specifically for Chekov to solve and accomplished, but there was no harm in Khan supervising and helping the young man work through a particularly difficult train of thought.     

 _“This is good, Mister Khan.  Shall I help you dispose of the remains of the food or would you like to eat the rest?”_ Chekov was willing to wait out Khan finishing his meal, if that’s what he really wanted.   _“I was going to drink some tea.  I find that it helps my thinking sometimes.  I could get some while you finish?”_  He also knew, subconsciously, that the captain sometimes humored him as an apology for not allowing him to participate in everything he might have desired, but the majority of him was just delighted by the captain’s attentions.

" _It is irresponsible to waste food, but I should not be eating this. If you would dispose of this humanely, Ensign. Thank you_ ." Khan said, popping the last olive into his mouth anyway. " _Tell me, what do you drink?_ "

 _“I will make sure it is not a waste,_ ” Chekov promised, stacking together plates.   _“Please to get me traditional Russian tea.  I have drunk since I was small._ ”  He approximated his former size with one hand.   _“I do not care for others that I have tried.  Perhaps I am too limited?  But it is a reminder of home.  Mama always made me some to drink in the morning, before I went to school.”_

With a tilt of his head, Khan observed the explanation of the even smaller child Chekov had once been. He smiled, easily and sincere at this. " _If it is not an unwelcome subject, I would like to hear more about your good memories of your mother. The Captain and I wish to be attentive parents, but we have poor examples to follow. Will you tell me more?_ "

Unwelcome?  Pavel would like little better. _“She would be a most wonderful example.  Mama and Papa were not young when I was conceived.  They thought they were not going to have children.  I was a surprise ... very happy surprise.  Mama is ... big hearted, yes.  She encouraged me to follow my interests and was very supportive when I decided to pursue science at a young age.  That was most important._ ”  He finished stacking plates and headed for the recycler.

Supportive. It was a powerful concept. Khan rubbed his hand over his stomach, then rested his arm low, so that his forearm supported the underside of his round belly. Engineer or doctor. Scientist or wilderness ranger. Writer or musician. Whatever their child had the heart for, Khan wanted to be supportive. " _They are happy for you, their only child, flying into deep space and the unknown_?"

 _“They worry,_ ” Pavel said.   _“Parents will always worry.  Two times now, they have feared that I was among the casualties- Nero and Marcus.  But they know I love Starfleet and to serve on the Enterprise is an honor, especially at my age.  They signed a parental release to allow me to be in space.  The Captain has talked to them in person and sends them updates, as do I.  I send them a message everyday to help them worry less._ ”

It was very tactful and proof of Chekov's kind heart. Nero and Marcus were to blame, not Nero and Khan. The augment nodded, meeting the young man's bright eyes. " _You are a valued member of the crew, Ensign. I imagine you will move through the ranks with ease, in time._ " For now, the boy was still young, even as a child prodigy, there was just not enough life experience under his belt, yet. " _I am pleased to hear that you have a good, strong connection with your family. Here, and at home_."

Chekov frowned and asked, “ _Is it wrong that I wish to be no more than a scientist?  Perhaps a Chief, like Mister Scott?  I do not think I would like to be a captain.  It is not a job I believe myself suited for.  Not like the Captain ... or you.  You both have the presence and mindset for such a post.  That is why it has been so interesting to see you together, since you met.  Though, I am glad things are not as they were to begin.  It hurts me to think of all the evil the Admiral Marcus did to Starfleet.  That you should hate all of us so.”_

 _"You may be happy where you are, but in time Starfleet might ask you to take on the role of Chief or Commander, within your field. It is not beyond you, Ensign."_ Khan said, every bit confidence that the young man could climb rank over the years, enjoying the challenge of further responsibilities, and not just the pure science of it all. Though for now, he understood that the young man just wanted to do the fun part, the actual hands on work.

But as the conversation turned, Khan became a little more somber in his tone and his approach to the young man. _"With Admiral Marcus, I was isolated and without a single ally. Through him, Starfleet became my enemy. Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise have since corrected this."_

 _“And now, you are family,”_ Pavel said as he carefully placed plates of odd foods into the recycler.  “ _And soon, this family will be bigger.  This is also good.  But it means some annoyance and difficulty, yes?_ ”  He nodded in agreement to himself.   _“I believe you are also worrying for the Captain.  That you wish to be with him to keep him from trouble.  Trouble does follow him, this is true.  But Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy are with him, so that is also good.  There is less need to worry.”_   

It was difficult to admit. How could anyone be better at protecting and caring for Jim, then him? But Khan nodded once in agreement. People like McCoy and Spock had been looking out for Kirk long before Khan had been pushed into their lives. But it was a cut against his pride on the matter. " _I know the crew, his friends, will look after him_." Khan stood, and gave a twist of his spine to one direction, then the other, stretching out as best as he could. He would have to see if Uhura would be willing to go to the gym with him more often, perhaps daily, to help him stretch out during a joint routine.

 _“But you would prefer to be doing it yourself, yes,”_ Chekov said understandingly.  “ _I feel that I should like to be with Hikaru sometimes when he does things, but I must trust that he knows how to be safe and smart.  It is not easy.  He is my best friend, so I wish to be there.  Perhaps it is not the same thing.”_ He walked back over to Khan.   _“Shall we get something to drink and go?  I have reserved Transporter Room 3._ ”

" _I imagine it is very much the same thing._ " Khan said, feeling that the two best friends shouldn't have their relationship diminished, simply because it was not sexual in nature. " _You are a devoted friend, Ensign._ " Khan said as he walked towards the large wall that had a window cut out of it, which separated the lounge from the kitchen, but allowed conversation to pass back and forth. There Khan ordered the Russian tea, wanting to give Chekov a proper brew, rather than something that was synthesized.

Pavel trailed after him, glad to see the augment animated again.  “ _That is most thoughtful, Mister Khan.  Thank you.”_ He beamed at the other man, all his friendliness in his face.  He would never make a covert agent.  “ _Shall you not have one, as well?  Or an herbal tea, at least.  Caffeine is not allowed?”_

 _"Caffeine is not recommended, no."_ Not that Khan didn't cheat and have a cup of chai once a week as a source of comfort. But he otherwise maintained a minimal caffeine intake. Instead, Khan asked for pomegranate juice, which though bitter in its raw form, was very much welcome to get the taste of onion and olives and eggs and peanut butter out of his mouth. The two waited a few minutes, then were given their drinks to go.

 _“Mister Khan, if I am not presumptuous, I would like to offer to you my company when you may be feeling low and the Captain is unavailable.  There is much I should like to talk to you about, and perhaps, it will take your mind off other things?”_ Pavel looked as bright and hopeful as any young puppy offering a ball for throwing, big eyes and soft smile.

Though Khan would always be Jim Kirk's lion, Khan often responded well to the canine social order way of thinking. In this case, between the two of them, Khan was a massive Siberian Wolf, and Chekov, some sort of small terrier. But like all dogs, loyal to their pack, as mixed and diverse as their pack was. So Khan accepted this invitation to play, to socialize in his own way. " _Yes, I would like that. Thank you, my friend_."

Pavel brushed a bright red and ducked his head abashedly.  “ _There is no need of thanks.  I am honored to be your friend.  And this is what friends do.  Yes.  They take care of each other._ ”  He paused for a quick breath and then began a stream of the most fearful techno-babble, outlining the problem Jim had given him and how he’d tried to solve it purely from a theoretical standpoint, but now he thought there may be some technical use to it, but he was stuck on a few variables that just wouldn’t put themselves right, and that lasted them all the way down the Enterprise’s long hallways and turbolifts until they finally found themselves in Transporter Room 3.


	17. Chapter 17

Jim snuck in a half an hour early and found himself a safe hiding spot in the dark corner of the gym, behind some of the larger pieces of equipment.  He could safely peek his head around once Uhura, Chapel and Khan began their routine without being noticed.  (Though he strongly suspected that Khan knew he was spying on their gymnastics routine.)  When Khan hit four months, Bones had suggested that he begin a series of exercises for pregnancy, and Uhura and Chapel had volunteered to do them with him.  They suited up every other day, as recommended, to go through the stretches and movements, and as soon as Jim heard about it, he knew he was going to find a way to watch them.  And doing it live was so much more fun than just recording.

Uhura led the group into the gym, saying, “-doesn’t understand at all why I’m interested in doing this.  It’s not logical, since I’m not pregnant.”  She was wearing an old-fashioned, but elegant, black leotard with white tights and had her hair pulled back in the customary pony tail.  “The concept of fun still sometimes eludes him, along with the idea that I may like to learn this for my own future use someday.”  She set down a water bottle at the edge of the mats and began to stretch out.

"The concept is perfectly sound." Khan said, finding it entirely logical, where the Vulcan did not. "As you say, you want to be familiar with these exercises, for when you might become a parent." Khan stepped out of his shoes near the floor mat, though he left his socks on. The relaxed grey yoga pants and oversized black shirt kept Khan in relative comfort during these session at the gym. "Plus, the benefit of keeping active while in space has been long and well documented, so there should be no objection for it, regardless." Khan said, turning his head to one side, stretching his neck, then turning his head to the other, for a lingering pull at the muscle.

“I sincerely doubt Uhura doesn’t find other ways of keeping active,” Chapel said and laughed when Uhura shot her a glare.  “What?  Don’t pretend that you and Spock are completely platonic.”

“Hnh,” Uhura said, unimpressed.  “And I suppose you and Dr. M’Benga are merely bosom buddies.”  

Chapel’s cheeks turned red, and she said, “That’s not fair.  We’ve barely started seeing each other.”

Uhura snorted and tossed her ponytail regally.  “He’s been mooning after you since we launched for this mission.”  She turned toward Khan.  “And what about you and Jim?  I hope our illustrious captain hasn’t shown any of the reluctance you were worried about.”

Khan hummed pleasantly at the friendly banter, arching his back as he stretched his arms to the side, taking the time to find the right placement for his feet, almost directly below his wide shoulders. "No reluctance. He is...eager, as always," Khan said, bowing his body down so that he was bent in half, hands touching the floor. In this position, with his head between his knees, Khan breathed in and out steadily, letting the position stretch out his back and rush more blood to the brain for a few minutes.

Jim stifled a grin at at the twin snorts from the two women.

“Well, that’s no surprise to me, at least,” Chapel said.  “No offense to your man, Khan, but when I first met him, every conversation we had was somehow about his dick.  And how much he liked using it. Seriously.”

Jim felt a moment of offense and then conceded that he and Chapel’s first meeting was not exactly his finest hour.  He’d been preparing for his second Kobayashi Maru, enough said.  Pretending to not even know who Chapel was had admittedly been his best defense until he’d finally convinced her to join the crew.

“Didn’t stop you from sleeping with him,” Uhura reminded her with an eye-roll.

Chapel just gave her a look before shooting Khan an apologetic smile.  “Two out of three participants in this gym can tell you that was not a mistake.  The actual sex part, anyway.”  She blushed a little deeper, but rallied to Khan.  “Khan understands what I’m saying.”

Khan had looked suddenly to Uhura as well, then to Chapel. He was surprised to hear this, considering how distant she was with Jim during professional hours. It was part of how he had come to respect her, as she did not care who you were, the Captain of the ship or an enraged Gorn, she dealt with each situation professionally, keeping her cool and standing her ground when others pressured her to do otherwise.

Sitting on the floor, Khan stretched his legs out until they were at a ninety degree angle. He rested there a minute while they spoke. "Yes, the sex is quite good," Khan said bluntly, patting the round of his stomach then gave a little shrug. "Obviously."

Jim was fighting not to either roll on the floor with laughter or shout triumphantly.  Neither of those things would end well for him.  However, he was totally going to find a way to give Chapel a raise.  (And his ego was in very good shape right now, thank you.  These workouts really were healthy.)

Uhura merely rolled her eyes again and changed the subject, since Khan had gestured to the baby.  (And Gods, was she the only one immune to Kirk?)  “How are you feeling, Khan?  Anything new to report?”  She admitted to deep curiosity on the subject and since Khan was surprisingly willing to share, she freely asked now about things she’d tiptoed around to begin with.

"Yes, I am alright. But I have been needing to stretch with more frequency each day. A few hours in a single position, then I need to move. But it is mostly due to the fact that my pelvis is not designed to carry the weight," Khan said stretching both arms to the side, stretching out his torso as he touched his left foot first, giving his right hip a break. Not to mention the constant pressure that was on his bladder. And here he was, only five months pregnant, the baby was no where near finished growing.

Chapel gave his very narrow hips a dubious glance and said, “It’s a wonder you have as much freedom of movement as you do.  Men are definitely not built to carry babies, and you are a rather spectacular vision of a man...if you don’t mind me mentioning it.  But far too trim.  Your center of balance is very out of kilter.”  She shook her head with a wondering smile.  “Dr. McCoy is going to start making you come in twice a week soon, you know.”

Uhura had also given Khan’s figure an admiring once-over at the words and asked, “Do you need any help with some of the stretches?  I can imagine they’re not as easy as you’re used to, even when we began.”

Khan grumbled, not liking the idea of needing to go in for check ups so often. The sound wasn't entirely aggressive though, and Khan felt that the two women had come to know him well enough not to interpret it as anything other then an expression of his begrudging acceptance of the situation. "It is frustrating," Khan mentioned, "I am accustomed to an extensive range of motion, which I am slowly losing." Though the compliment that he was still considered a fine specimen was much appreciated. "If you ladies are willing, yes, I could use some hands on help."

“That’s why we’re here,” Chapel said with a warm smile and assumed the ready position.  “We about good to go?”

“Something a little different this week for our music, I think,” Uhura said and asked the computer for a little ‘Pink.’  “So, apparently the Captain has been introducing Spock to some rock music, and he prefers listening when I can hear, too.  I hate to say it, but there are some of the songs that I really like.  Some of the artists, too.  This woman ... Pink, weird name, she has a nice beat.  I thought it might work, even if we’re not moving that fast for these workouts.”

Jim hmphed a little under his breath at Uhura’s begrudging like of some of his tastes.  His musical tastes were amazing, thank you.

As the initial beat to the song picked up, Khan recognized that it had a steady rhythm that would have been good to keep pace while running, or practicing coordinated martial arts with a partner. "I would, but I think you both might scold me for it," Khan said in response to the fact that they did not engage in fast movements for their workouts. Khan looked across to Chapel with a nod, expressing his consent and readiness to begin.

Uhura took her place beside Khan, with Chapel on his other side, and said, “All right, let’s begin.  Plie.”  She put her knees and toes turned out at a 45 degree angle and tucked her belly up and in.  With a slow, graceful movement, she bent her knees down as far as she could go, keeping her back straight.  As she was extremely supple and graceful, she could get herself very low indeed.  Chapel was not quite as flexible, but managed a very passable plie.

Jim peeked out of his corner and unashamedly oogled all three of them, though mostly Khan.

Lightly closing his eyes, Khan managed the familiar movements steady and seamlessly. But he took care and showed great control with each one, ensuring his center of gravity was balanced just right for every movement. "Are either of you familiar with clubbing? Is that something people still do, to socialize at dances?" he asked, leading up to his real question.

“Yeah, there are still clubs where people gather.  Usually, it’s young people looking for a hookup or even a partner, or young couples looking for a good time.  Booze and loud music still dominate a lot of them.  But honestly, there are so many races now, that it’s only one small part of the social scene,” Chapel said.

“Jim used to hit bars and clubs a lot,” Uhura said.  “A bar is where I met him.  He’s a pretty good dancer, too.  He and Gaila, my Academy roommate, used to go dancing sometimes.  It was always a prelude to sex with the two of them, but they were just good friends really.  Sex was like a bonus between them.”  She felt a twinge of sadness, thinking of her lost roommate, not knowing Jim was feeling the same thing in that moment.

Though Jim had spoken of Gaila before, Khan opened his eyes and frowned at Uhura slightly. He didn't need Jim's entire sexual history on the table, or at least, not treated so lightly, as the common knowledge it apparently was. Squatting down, Khan kept his back straight, feet together, but knees parted. If he had a vaginal canal, it would be a good position to deliver a baby, but he didn't...in fact, the further along he got, the more concerned he became with just exactly how he was meant to give birth to the baby he was carrying. "Might it be possible to arrange a social function, a dance, aboard the Enterprise?"

“That would be lovely,” Chapel said with a smile at Khan.  “I’m sure we could do that.  The crew would enjoy it, and the captain would embrace it wholeheartedly, I’m certain.  What kind of dance were you thinking of?”

“Swim,” Uhura said and led them into the standing equivalent of doing the crawl, starting with the right arm and extending her body with a twist to the side.  She followed with her left arm.  “I’m behind that idea no matter what kind of dance you were thinking of, Khan,” she said, feeling slightly chastised by the glare she had received.  Her feelings for Jim were still sometimes conflicted, though she understood him to be a good captain.

"Nothing specific in mind." Khan said, following the motions. "Whatever would be best received by the crew." Abruptly, Khan stopped and looked quickly to Chapel, "Nurse-" he said, using her title as a means to express he needed her attention as a medical professional. He wrapped both hands around his middle protectively, then reached out for a supportive hand.

Jim just barely stopped himself from racing over to his lover, gripping tight to the bars of the piece of equipment in front of him.  

Chapel was at Khan’s side in a moment.  “What’s going on, Khan?”  She put a hand on a his shoulder and looking at him with worry.  “Are you in any pain?”  Her hands sought competently for any signs of discomfort.  It worried her that he’d said anything, since he was so stoical.  Only worry for the baby could drive him to voice any kind of discomfort or uncertainty.

Khan looked at her with glossy, nearly tearful eyes. Happy tears. He guided her hand to express what he couldn't put into words. The baby was moving. And to Khan it felt like the kid was doing back flips, when it was probably just shifting for space. "Uhura, you too," he said, asking for her hand, willing to have both women touch the region of his body he was generally very, fiercely, protective of.

Chapel beamed and settled her hand on the swell of his belly, eyes wide with delight as the baby moved.  “Oh, Khan, that’s wonderful.”

Uhura was a little more hesitant, but at his invitation, she pressed a hand to the swell and smiled at the sensations through his skin.  “The baby,” she whispered.  

“Shit!” Jim yelled and sprang from his hiding place.  “The baby’s moving!?”  He ran right over to where the three of them were standing together.  “Is this the first time?  May I feel?  This is fucking awesome!”

“JIM!” Both Uhura and Chapel yelled simultaneously.

"Come here," Khan said, grabbing Jim by the wrist as soon as he got close, showing him where the most action was. "I knew I would flush you out eventually," he said with a smile, holding Jim's hand to his body, hugging it there as he closed his eyes, focusing on the still present, but fading sensation.

Jim laughed at the grab and placed his hand over the spot, nearly bouncing with excitement.  “The baby is moving.  Feel that!  Moving.  This is awesome!”  He looked into his lover’s eyes intensely and asked, “How does it feel to you, Noonien?”

Uhura and Chapel carefully eased away to give the two lovers space, smiling at each other.  Despite the fact that Jim had been spying on them and he would be made to paid later.

"Using my liver as a trampoline, that's what it feels like-" Khan said, but was clearly happy about it. But finally the kid seemed to settle, satisfied with the new position and everything went still again. Even so, Khan kept Jim's hand on him, wanting to share this moment, even though it was over for the time being. "I'm glad you were here for it."

Jim reached up and cupped Khan’s right cheek in his hand, before pressing in to kiss his mouth sweetly.  “Our baby is alive and well,” he said softly.  “And already making one parent uncomfortable.”  He nuzzled Khan’s face and basically looked as completely besotted and excited and happy as he felt in that moment.  “I can’t be sorry for spying on you...not that I was going to be anyway.”  His eyes darted to where the women stood a short distance away, pretending they weren’t watching and internally ‘awwwing.’  “They’ll probably make me regret it in the end, though.”

Khan couldn't let himself think about the two women in the room watching them. The augment was still a private man. It was difficult to accept that it was alright for others to see the love and affection and vulnerability Khan had with Jim. He nodded against Jim's hand. Their child was alive and well. "You should remain close by, in case it happens again."

“I could join the three of you,” Jim said.  “I’ve wanted to ask if I could participate officially, but I thought this might be something you wanted to keep to the three of you.  So, I’ve watched a couple of times.”  He lifted his head and refused to be sorry that he had snuck in to spy a little.  “But I think you knew that, huh?  You’ve know that since the first time.”  He kissed Khan again, this time with a hint of apology for intruding.  “But if I’m allowed to stay, I want to do all the exercises with you.”

Khan wrapped his arms around Jim's middle, holding the other man as they kissed. He wished that he could pull Jim closer like he used to, press firmly and hold him tight, but it would be a while before he could do that again. So ultimately his arms dropped and he nodded. "I do not mind, Jim. But I think you should ask Nurse Chapel and Lieutenant Uhura, and perhaps clarify which of us you were sexualizing."  

“None of you!” Jim said indignantly.  “Well, maybe you.  I can’t help that...it’s like an infectious disease.  Not that you ladies are hideous or anything,” he said without taking his eyes from Khan, “but I’m monogamous now, so you’re just going to have to suffer without me.”  His grin was gigantic and almost boyish with glee.

“Go soak your head, _Captain_ ,” Chapel said, but there was amusement in her tone, which was unusual in interactions between them.  

Uhura merely huffed her normal exasperation, but even that sounded fond.

Jim turned his hand so he could caress Khan’s right cheek with the back of it and murmured, “See what you’ve done to me, Noonien.  I’m blind to anybody else’s charms.”

Dropping his eyes, Khan seemed to almost instantly relax into a meditative state at the touch. He might end up being a little bit quieter now that Jim was around to do all the talking, but he was very happy to have him nearby, openly, and not hidden from view. "Go on, then. Take off your shoes and fall in," he said, lifting his gaze after a few minutes.

Jim saluted him playfully and jogged off the mat to remove his boots and tunic, leaving him only in his tight pants and black undershirt.  And then he stretched himself out, showing off his flexibility and his ass (though that was mostly unintentional).

“Seriously, can you blame me?” Chapel whispered to Uhura, watching the Captain with a bit of a silly grin.

Uhura huffed again and called, “Quit showboating and get over here!  We’re waiting!”

Jim laughed again and hustled back to the middle of the mat, next to Khan, bouncing on his toes.  “Ready!”

“Swim,” Uhura said firmly and went back to the stroke they had been doing prior to the baby moving.

Khan waited quietly, observing the female gaze, until Jim returned to join them. Khan returned to the swimming motion, luckily this time it did not seem to disturb the baby or cause it to start doing somersaults in his body again. Even so, Khan took care with each movement, taking advantage of his range of motion, while he could.

As they moved, Jim turned his head toward Khan and asked so only he could hear, “So, have you felt movement from the baby before?  Because this is the first time you’ve mentioned it to anyone that I know about, anyway.  I know the baby’s size is pressing against you uncomfortably, sometimes, but not about kicking or moving or anything.”  His eyes were large and bright and soft and filled with care.  He was glad that the two women had set-up a little further away from them, giving a little privacy, since Khan definitely preferred that.

"I have felt movement before...I think. It is difficult to say. There have been times when I felt something different, but it barely lasted a second and didn't repeat itself, so it was difficult to identify. That was the most lasting experience I have had, yet." Even though it was a strange sensation, Khan was pleased that it had happened long enough to really appreciate it, to know the movement was real and not a question that would wake him up in the middle of the night, and linger until first shift.

Jim nodded and said, “I’m glad I was here for this moment, then.  I would have totally been jealous if our baby’s first movements were shared with others who weren’t me.  You knew I was here.”  His smile remained through all of his words, spirits too bright and delighted to allow it to fade.  “I bet you’re going to have to endure a world of movement before the end.”  He wanted to reach out and touch again, but made himself wait until later.  

“Modified bellows breathing,” Uhura directed and changed her feet to be shoulder length apart and extended her arms in front of herself with the palms of her hands pressed together.  Her shoulders were relaxed as she took a deep breath in, lifted her chin and extended her arms to either side of herself.  On the exhale, she closed her arms in front again, palm-to-palm, Chapel mimicking her movements.

"Yes, I knew." As Khan began the deep breathing, it came out something like a snoring lion, the sound deep and vibrating. After repeating six of these, Khan then asked, "Can you now tell me, why you started to spy on my session?" Khan hadn't minded that Jim had been secretly watching him, listening him, but he never admitted to it either, over the last few weeks, and Khan wanted to know why he had made it into a secret activity.

Jim suppressed his laughter at the way Khan sounded doing his deep breathing exercises and focused on his own.  “Well, I’ve only been here a couple of times to watch.  And it was your time.  I didn’t want to completely intrude.  I figured if you really minded you’d toss me out by the scruff.”  He shot him a little smile.  “Honestly, at first I just wanted to watch you move in your workout clothes, but I was pretty curious about the exercises, too.  And you all were so relaxed...it’s a pleasure to watch you be so content around other members of my crew, Noonien.  It hasn’t always been so easy for you.”

Khan nodded solemnly. No, it hadn't been easy for him, or the crew. And some days were still difficult. But overall, the crew had rallied behind the idea of Khan's pregnancy, with Jim being the father. "It feels good to be active, even in a limited sense. And the conversation is generally quite enlightening." Though now, Khan noticed, Chapel and Uhura were keeping quiet with Jim around.

“It’s hilarious,” Jim said.  “They know everything that’s going on.”  He raised his voice and asked, “So, is Lieutenant Wilkins going to enjoy his next round on immunizations, Nurse Chapel?”

There was the sound of grinding teeth from the blonde woman.  It was a well-gossiped fact that Wilkins had deliberately blown up a 3d chessboard (he was one of Scotty’s proteges) rather than lose to Chapel after she’d been wiping his ass with the game.  She’d jumped back to avoid the flying pieces, right into another officer who had been carrying a plate of gagh and two frosty glasses of root beer.  The entertainment value had been epic. Wilkins fled for his life before Chapel recovered.  

“Please tell me you’ll sell tickets,” Jim continued, undeterred by the unnerving noises coming from the other side of Khan.  “Tell you what, I’ll even bring your beverage of choice to empty over his head.”

“Firm pose sitting position,” Uhura barked, refusing to be distracted by this nonsense, although her mouth betrayed a hint of a smile at the edges.  She had already eased herself to her knees, knowing it was a more difficult position for Khan, and stretched her arms behind her.

Khan too was not one to get sucked into the banter, but listened nevertheless. Sitting down on his knees, Khan tipped his head back and stretched his arms over his head first, ensuring that his spine was aligned the way he wanted. Then lowering himself back in a very controlled manner, Khan folded his legs in half, while he supported his weight on his forearms. There he held the position for some time, breathing deeply as the weight on his pelvis shifted. Then lowering his shoulders to the floor, Khan was finally at rest, hands holding his ankles.

“Yipes,” Jim said.  “Are you supposed to be that far down?”  He mimicked the posture and grinned at Khan, as he stretched out his muscles.  “You look fabulous.”

“Maybe I should sell tickets,” Chapel mused from the far side.  “I hear Dr. McCoy has a new regimen of potentially-Kirk safe immunizations he wants to try.  And the man is a master with the hypospray.”

Jim gulped audibly, but said, “If you let me watch you torment Wilkins, I’m game for letting you watch Bones torment me.  It’s totally a fair trade.  After all, I know you well.”

Chapel grumbled a little at that, but Uhura said, “You did promise some pretty creative retribution for the gagh incident.”

"Yes. I can manage." Khan said quietly, proving mostly to himself that he still had the ability to do such things. But it felt nice on his spine, which was curved up, making his back arch like a small bridge. It relieved some pressure and he smiled and glanced to the side when Jim said that he looked good like that. Listening to the friends, Khan noted how easily their conversations evolved, how the banter was tossed back and forth. And while Khan was getting along with crewmen of the Enterprise, it never felt as easy as Jim made it out to be.

“See, even Uhura is onboard,” Jim said, mimicking Khan’s posture with ease.  “And if she agrees with me, you can’t fight it.”  He smirked and winked at Khan.  

Chapel just groaned and said, “Well, if I promise you he won’t have a comfortable time of it, will you lay off the gagh jokes?  I know you’re the one responsible for them, Captain.”

“Who, me?” Jim asked, all innocence and wide eyes and laughed as both women snorted in disbelief.  “It’s like they know me,” he confided to Khan as they all followed Uhura’s lead and eased back to sitting positions.

“Leg rolls,” Uhura ordered and began the easy rolling motion with her left leg.  “We got to know you very well at the Academy.  You were everywhere all at once.  I still don’t know how you managed.”

“Brains.  Charm.  Hard work.  Devastating good looks.”  He laughed again at the stereo snorting.

Sitting up carefully, Khan took a moment to rest before starting the next part of the routine. He glanced to Jim, listening to how he spoke. Jim Kirk was a genius, but even now, with his friends, he hid it behind smiles and boyish behaviour. It appeared to be a sort of mechanism, so that others would be comfortable with him, to make him look like everyone else, normal. It was a skill and science of it's own, making and keeping friends, having those around you at ease and not treat you different for your intelligence or rank. Khan knew from experience, no other person in a position of power within Starfleet behaved like Jim Kirk.

Jim tilted his head to look at Khan through narrowed eyes, which gleamed with amusement and warmth.  “You look like I’m some sort of bizarre animal you’ve never seen before,” he teased with a soft smile.  “What’s on your mind, Noonien?  What do you see when you look at me?”  These words were pitched so just Khan could hear, and the women were talking between themselves anyway.

"You are. A very rare animal indeed." Khan stretched his legs out in front of him, not following direction for the moment. "You are intelligent in ways that I am not, Jim." Bending his knees so that they butterflied out, Khan stretched forward and massaged the muscles in his left calf. He did this for a few minutes, then began to attend to the right.

Jim said, “Whee!” and rolled himself over in a backward somersault, before scooting closer to Khan and kissing his cheek.  “Say it again,” he breathed.  “Please, Noonien.  I never thought to hear you say such a thing.”  He leaned into his lover and looked besotted, not even aware of the two women staring at him with identical sappy smiles.

With great affection, Khan pressed his lips to Jim's hairline, kissing his head. "You are intelligent in ways that I am not." Khan admitted, taking a deep, satisfying breath from the short warm hairs at the near-top of his head. Then pulling his head back, Khan smiled privately.

Jim grinned at him and said, “I’m sure you could learn, if you wanted, Noonien.  Personally, I think you can be intelligent about anything you want.”  He chanced a quick kiss to his mouth and then reassumed the proper position to work his legs.  “Quit your staring, ladies,” he said without even glancing at them.

“But you’re so cute!” Chapel gushed.  “What women isn’t going to stare at the gushing of Jim Kirk.”

“Hmph,” Jim said and shot her a fake glare.  “I do not gush.”

“Like a geyser, Captain,” Uhura said primly.  “Like a toddler…”  She tossed her head and said, “Downward dog,” shifting to her hands and knees to stretch out her back again.

Shifting until he was on his knees and hands on the floor, Khan let his ass sink back to nearly his heels as he stretched out his back. He was unable to go as far as usual, with the bulge in his belly in the way, but tucking his head down allowed for the extra pull along his spine he was looking for. The position felt good. And though Khan hoped that Jim did not make an obscene comment on the position, he did want to try it out for private use at another time.

Jim had no such restrictions, nor any compulsions about showing off his body, so his ass ended up very high in the air indeed, the arch of his body easy.  He glanced at Khan and winked at him again, unable not to oogle a little.  But he made sure only to oogle at Khan, not the women.  However, he did wiggle his ass a little.

“Upward facing cat,” Uhura said, but it was clear she was stifling giggles, while Chapel wasn’t even bothering.  She settled back on her knees and arched her back, head and neck stretching toward the ceiling.

"Behave," Khan said warmly, not expecting Jim to listen, but the reaction seemed expected. Closing his eyes, Khan shifted to the inverse of the position, then back again, repeating these several times, before lowering himself into the standard child's pose, letting his body settle for a few minutes.

“You don’t really want me to behave, do you?” Jim asked with a grin, following Khan’s lead.  He managed to get his ass even higher on the next downward dog and then groaned in delight at the next stretch of his back, before settling back down.  “This really feels good.  I should have asked to join you from the beginning.”

“We don’t,” Chapel catcalled and followed with a whistle, until Uhura lightly smacked her.

“I do,” Uhura contradicted.  “You’re interfering with the flow.”

“Aww, come on, I’m making this a thousand times better.  I even have news about Sulu’s next botanical project,” Jim said with another wink at Khan.

“Spill,” Chapel demanded, always loving the orchids and roses and other unique flower creations Sulu came up with.

“Shall I?” Jim asked Khan with another innocent look.  “Have they earned it, do you think?”

"Considering that neither has attempted to issue you a beating for infringing upon private conversations, I think they have more then earned it," Khan said, glancing to both Chapel and Uhura. For the times that Jim had been present and spying on them, Khan probably should have informed them, but had not wanted their conversations to become censored by Kirk's presence. Khan had enjoyed their company, not dependant upon Jim always being there.

Jim wrinkled his nose at Khan and said, “I was rather hoping you wouldn’t mention that.”  His lover was always so serious about everything, but that was part of why Jim loved him.  “Sulu is experimenting with crosses of wild lilies.  Apparently, he wants to make one that blooms longer and can survive in crew quarters in a medium-sized pot.”  

“How do you know this?” Uhura asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously.  “You’re not interested in flowers.”

“I may have some reasons of my own,” Jim said innocently and fluttered his eyelashes at her.  Actually, he was planning a rather complicated bouquet for the day Khan gave birth and the price of Sulu’s help was Jim’s assistance with some of the more complicated plans for flowers to include.  Not to mention some of Sulu’s private projects.  The lilies were actually for Jim, but he wasn’t confessing to that.

The neutral expression Khan generally kept on his face began to slip into a slight frown. It was unintended, but there nevertheless. It sounded like Jim was keeping an important secret from him. For him? For the baby? Why bring it up, if he wasn't going to say? The augment sighed, rolling out of position to stand. His hormones were all over the place sometimes. Leading him to be extra paranoid, or sensitive, hungry, or on edge at the simplest of things. Other days he was completely together, as he was meant to be. But when those small faults in his engineering flared up, and made his skin crawl, the augment pushed through his discomfort until the sensation passed.

Walking off the mat, Khan stood by an outlet as he waited for a serving of water, which he drank, then asked for a refill. He was a mess. A pregnant mess. Khan stood off to the side for a time, needing to clear his head. There was no benefit to these irrational states of mind, so why were they apart of him? Why hadn't his creator managed to remove them from his engineering? Why was he acting so human?

Returning to the floor that was soft and squishy for their work out, Khan moved back to his hands and knees. Then leaning forward so that all his weight was carried through his arms and shoulders, Khan pulled his legs and feet off the floor, knees pressed into the crook of his arm as he balanced himself, breathing through the difficult balancing act now that he was carrying extra weight in an awkward place. But he remained in the difficult pose, redirecting his focus.

Jim watched as Khan left the gym mats and got himself some water, before turning back to Uhura with a smile.  “It’s a good thing, really,” he said, so only she could hear.  “Sulu’s lillies will end up amazing.  His plants always are.  Even I can admit that.”

“There were those flytraps…” Chapel said with pure mischief.

“Oooh, the ones with the tendrils,” Uhura said with equal relish, and both watched their captain turn a bright red.

Jim turned back to Khan gratefully as he returned and fell into the same pose as his lover.  He ignored the giggles behind his back and focused on the augment solely.  “How are you doing?” he asked.  “These exercises are helping?”

"Sometimes." Khan said. Half of what he enjoyed from these sessions was to hear Chapel and Uhura gossip with him, talk to him like a friend. Tucking his head, Khan leaned further carefully until the weight was on the back of his neck and he was able to lower his shoulders to the floor. Then carefully, throwing one leg up, then the other, Khan managed to invert himself, not a complete hand-stand, since his shoulders took the weight, but the sensation was similar. Blood and oxygen filled his brain with ease, and worked harder to get to his toes. But it wasn't a position he could stay in for long, not with the baby. Controlling his decent, Khan rolled his spine and lowered himself back onto the floor with a sigh. Free rein of the gym wasn't quite the same as free rein of a planet.

“You only answered one question, Noonien,” Jim said, watching him with big eyes.  Even slightly rounded with pregnancy, Khan’s movements were elegant and full of strength.  “Are you alright?”  He reached out to lightly rub at the back of Khan’s neck, scooting closer to him.  “A bit uncomfortable, maybe?”  He tread as carefully as he could with his tone, knowing his lover to be touchy (and probably touchier than usual right now).

Khan had needed the contact, though hadn't known it until it had already been offered, otherwise he would have asked for it specifically. "I will be fine." Khan turned and leaned his head into Jim's shoulder, then reached for his hand to have it press against his belly. There was no movement to show Jim this time, but Khan wanted to feel his hand there.

Jim moved even closer to offer full body support for his lover and continued to rub, though this time over Khan’s stomach.  He was vaguely aware of Chapel and Uhura shifting to give them privacy and knew he owed them something awesome.  Pressing a soft kiss to Khan’s forehead, he whispered, “That implies you’re not fine right now, Noonien.  So, is there anything I can do to get you to fine?”

"Maybe you could carry the baby for a few months," Khan said with a little scoff, but found himself leaning back into Jim, accepting his support and strength. "Forgive me, when I am being irrational or on edge. I have not been myself, I know." Khan briefly stretched one last time, then slumped against Jim, wishing to curl up in his arms, even though he was hardly small right now, nor had ever been small.

Jim chuckled and kissed his crown, wrapping his arms around Khan and moving to cradle him between his legs, as well.  “You know I would help carry the load, literally, if I could, right?  I think that’s a common wish of the person who carries the baby, regardless of species.”  He nuzzled into Khan’s soft hair and continued to stroke his stomach gently.  “But honest, I’m a little jealous.  There’s a connection between you and the baby that I’ll never have.”

Turning his head to the side, Khan closed his eyes lightly. "Would you like to pretend for a moment, that my body is yours? That this is the weight that you are carrying? You can tell me what it feels like, for you." Khan was lulled into a peaceful state. Though in the back of his mind, knew he would need to thank, and apologize to Uhrua and Chapel for his abrupt need for privacy in the middle of their session.

“Oh.  Hmm.”  Jim considered this idea and said, “I guess I’d feel a bit off balance, like my center wasn’t where it always used to be.  That’s one thing I admire about you, how well you move despite the growing baby.  I think I’d be waddling around already, having trouble getting used to it.  But I’d like the heaviness, I think because it would mean the baby is well.  Probably a little hit in the vanity, though.  Need you to soothe me that I look good.  Which you do, by the way.  You have an aura.  And your hair is glossier and longer and thicker than ever.”  He moved one hand to comb through the strands.

Khan hummed approvingly as Jim began to pet his hair. He wanted to move even less, now. It was comfortable and safe laying here in Jim's arms, even if they were in the middle of the gym floor. "Hmm- there, you see. The only thing you are really missing out on are the bizarre food cravings and someone stomping on your bladder every two hours."

“I kind of enjoy the way you eat now,” Jim said.  “It’s refreshing to see you actually want to eat.  But the bladder thing sounds bad.  And that’s only going to increase as the baby gets bigger, huh?”  He thought for another moment, still petting through Khan’s hair.  “I’d still be willing to share the being pregnant.”  He barely noticed Uhura and Chapel sneaking out, even after Uhura changed the music to something romantic and mushy.

After a few quiet minutes, Khan opened his eyes and looked down at his belly. "I feel like I am a mess ... but I am actually very grateful for this family you have given me, Jim."

“You seem very put together to me,” Jim said.  “Moodier even than usual, maybe, but I don’t blame you for that.”  He snuggled Khan closer, so they slotted together completely.  “Certainly not a mess.  Nowhere near a mess, Noonien.  Why do you even think that?”

"The effect is quite like standing on solid ground, then the next, toppling into the abyss. I do not feel like myself. I feel huge, when my brain tells me I should remain lean and strong. But there is nothing to do about it, other then feed by body, and the baby, what it needs. Will the friends I have made since becoming pregnant, remain my friends once the child is born? I am worried and happy, all at once, all the time." Khan said, though felt that even now his feelings on the subject were so scattered, he must not be making much sense to Jim.

“I’m surprised your brain hasn’t caught up with the situation,” Jim confessed, “given how amazing it is.  Since pregnancy is obviously something that can happen to you, the fact that you’re not adapted exactly to handle it is surprising to me.”  He pressed his cheek into Khan’s soft hair.  “Kinda gives me hope.  If you’re not completely perfect, you might not be too sad that I’m the co-parent.”

“As for people staying your friends,” he continued, not wanting to let that one go unremarked, “they will, Noonien.  I think you’ll find they’re even closer to you once you have the baby.  We are a family, and you’re a part of that, same as everyone else.  And our little one will be a special part of the family.”

"My brain-" Khan repeated, "My brain." He growled, saying it again. "I do not understand why it is so unstable." He hated it, but did not want Jim to misunderstand him into thinking that he hated the pregnancy. Lifting his head, Khan pressed his lips to Jim's cheek as he added in a whisper. "My love. I would not want any other to be the father." Khan pulled his head back a little, awkwardly meeting Jim's eyes. "But this imperfection in myself, is difficult for me."

“Is it imperfection?” Jim asked, eyes soft and happy at the way Khan had reassured him.  “I don’t think so.  It’s just not perfection.  It’s normal.  Human.  Males weren’t really meant to be pregnant, so it’s not really surprising that it’s hard to adjust to...except that it’s you.  We’re both so used to you being ready for anything that this has thrown us both for a loop.  But I- well, I kind of like it, the way I said.  And you’re not unstable.  Just not perfect for once.”  He hugged Khan and then went back to rubbing his abdomen and stroking his hair, showing his ability to multi-task effortlessly in the area of intimacy.

To the augment however, imperfection was a sign of unstable engineering. A fact that he might never be able to overcome, unless he were able to gain control over himself again. But the further along in his pregnancy it got, the more unlikely that seemed. Resting his head on Jim's shoulder, Khan succumbed to the attention, letting his eyes drop closed again. "... feels good ..." he said quietly, soothed by Jim's hands. "Thank you."

“Actually, this is perfection to me,” Jim murmured and pressed his cheek into Khan’s soft hair.  “Us.  Together.  With our child.”  He rested his hand on Khan’s stomach and left it there to just soak in the warmth of where their child grew inside.  “So, we can just stay here for as long as you want...well, until I have to go on shift, which isn’t for hours yet.”  He shut his eyes to allow his own basking.

Khan dozed in his lover's arms. It was not a true sleep, as he could still hear and sense the things around them, but it was a restful feeling even so. Jim Kirk was the only one he trusted to have his back, to literally support him. This was not the great Khan. That man had been ripped apart by his people. This was Noonien. A rare breed of human. Rarer still, to be happy in the arms of his human lover. He was a fierce creature, that at one time, had nearly ruled over all of Earth. But his ambitions these days revolved around keeping his strange, new family together.

After a long, peaceful silence, Khan lifted his head and kissed Jim along his jaw. "Take me to bed, Jim."

“Bed?” Jim asked and moved his head to kiss Khan softly.  “That sounds perfect, Noonien.  Whatever we end up doing there.”  He winked and kissed Khan’s nose playfully.  “Let me gather my shirt and boots.”  He did regret that they needed to move, if only because he was warm and content as they are.  But Khan suggesting bed was never a bad thing.  

If Khan had truly fallen asleep there in Jim's arms, it wouldn't do for Jim to eventually leave to go on shift, leaving Khan alone on the floor, or return to their chambers, alone. It had been peaceful, to just sit down and stake a claim, but Khan wanted to return to their room, the place on the Enterprise he had come to think of as his home. Khan stood and slipped his shoes back on, stretching his back one last time now that he was standing again.

Jim stood with his own stretch to the sky and moaned happily.  He hurried to fetch his tunic and boots, slipping them on.  Returning to Khan’s side, he carefully took his right hand in his left.  “I shouldn’t have intruded on your exercises, Noonien, but I can’t really say I’m sorry.  I can apologize for butting in uninvited, though.  I’ll make it up to Uhura and Chapel.  Thank you for including me, Noonien.”  He kissed his lover’s cheek and said, “Now, let’s go to bed.”

"I enjoyed knowing that you were watching me, on the days you snuck in. And I am happy that you were here to experience the baby moving. But the woman don't talk to me in the same way, when you are here. And I do not want to lose that." Khan said as they headed out into the hall, heading for the turbolift. "You have had many years, aboard the Enterprise and at the academy to bond with your crew. While I have much to make up for."

“I have a few years to make up for, too,” Jim said with a little frown he directed away from Khan, before he glanced back at him again.  “I won’t sneak in again.  You three deserve your own time.  And you’re right, it won’t be the same if I’m there.”  He lightly bumped Khan’s shoulder with his own, before leading him into a turbolift.  “So, are we just going to bed for a nap?”

As the turbolift softly droned, passing deck by deck, not needing to stop, with no others calling it to service, the two were quickly transported to the main residential deck. "I would like it, if you were to hold and kiss me, as you were doing just moments ago." Khan said, wanting to press in close as he kissed Jim on the neck. "Which may lead to a nap, or something else, depending on how you would like to spend these few hours before your shift."

“Yes, that’ll be a chore,” Jim said with a warm smile.  “Shall I give you a foot and shoulder rub first?”  He lifted his hand to lightly stroke his lover’s face and hair.  “I have a new oil that Bones recommended.  Should help you with the aches of carrying added weight in an odd way.  And later, with swollen ankles.”  He led Khan out of the turbolift and headed for their quarters, staying close to his side.

"Ah, I see. You wish to see me reduced to something pliable in your hands." Khan narrowed his eyes at Jim, smirking. "You should know, if you massage between my shoulders and neck, I am not responsible for the sounds I make." Not that Jim ever seemed to mind.

Jim made a noise of disdain and said, “You’re not pliable unless you feel like being pliable, which pretty much means you’re never pliable.”  He smirked right back and said, “But I’m happy to massage you just the same and live with the consequences.”  He winked at his lover and urged him inside their rooms.  “I may even enjoy the consequences...”  


	18. Chapter 18

There was nothing flattering about wearing an oversized Starfleet shirt. It hugged the full swell of Khan's stomach, but was baggy under the arms and across the back. So instead, Khan had a tunic made, deep red and beige, which fit right across his shoulders and chest, but flared out over his pregnant belly. It was just loose enough to be comfortable, instead of making him feel like he was being suffocated by a pressure suit. The patterned fabric made Khan stand out in a crowd of blue or red or gold uniforms, but then again, he was also the only pregnant man on the ship.

Sitting on the medical biobed as he waited for Doctor McCoy, Khan hummed to himself, as he taken to doing when he was alone or working in the lab, out of earshot of others. The songs never repeated, nor had any words, except for the occasional Arabic or Hindi, but was generally pulled out of him by a thought which had been subconsciously pushed to the surface in his multitasking.

Dr. McCoy didn’t keep Khan waiting, showing up precisely on time to meet the augment.  “Good afternoon, Mr. Singh,” he said with utmost respect.  “How are you today?”  He asked the question with full seriousness, even as he got out special instruments for his examination of Khan. So far, the pregnancy was going well physically- the augment’s remarkable body adapting to the changes demanded of it, though he knew Khan could hardly be comfortable with all the shifting of his insides and added weight.  Still, their checkups were now twice a week to make sure nothing was overlooked, no chance was taken.  The Enterprise’s whole crew awaited eagerly the birth of Khan and Jim’s child, and McCoy sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one who missed something crucial, especially as the time grew nearer.

Bones might have been a tad excited about the idea himself.  Jim was already calling him the honorary uncle and soliciting advice.  The Kid was nearly beside himself with nerves and anticipation.

Seven months in, and Khan felt huge. But it had been well documented in McCoy's notes and didn't bear mentioning every single time. "Doctor McCoy," Khan acknowledged, pressing his hand over himself, gently rubbing the skin and muscle that had been so drastically stretched. "I did not sleep well last night. I could not get into a comfortable position," Khan said, having mentioned it a few times before, but not with any regularity.

“I’ve redesigned the body pillow for your shape, which I’ll send you back to your quarters with,” McCoy said.  “I’m hoping that will help with the comfort.  Also, please keep drinking the tea I recommended to you before bedtime.  I know the pressure on your bladder makes it harder, but the tea will soothe you and help you rest.  Do you need Jim to sleep in a separate bed?”

"No," Khan said, eyes fixed on McCoy. No, separating Khan from Jim was not the solution. "I will continue to drink the tea." Then knowing what came first during these examinations, Khan lifted his patterned tunic so that the hem and several folds of the fabric rested on the top section of his belly. The skin was impressively stretched to accommodate the life Khan was carrying, and yes, they had checked more then once just to be certain that he was carrying just the one child, as to an outsider's eye it very easily looked like there could be two or three in there, but that likely had something to do with seeing a man carry a baby; it was a strange illusion on the brain.

McCoy picked up a modified tricorder to fully examine Khan’s womb and the child growing inside.  He smiled at the sight, for the baby was completely healthy looking and already most of the way into position for birth, even though they were going to use surgery instead of natural birth.  Khan’s body simply wasn’t made for it and there was no reason to put him through the strain, even if he could do it.  

“Looks good,” he said with a warm smile at Khan.  “Everything appears to be developing normally.  Vital signs are well within norms.  I guess you’ve noticed there’s not as much movement anymore.  Basically, there’s no more room for movement.  Baby’s snug tight in your womb now.  Have you noticed even more pressure on your bladder?”

"There is the occasional attempt to stretch, but you are correct Doctor, there is little movement these days." Khan watched as the tricorder collected information, which he read in reverse. Though whenever the machine got to determining the sex of the child, which it had done hundreds of times now, Khan made sure to avert his eyes, allowing this one this to be a surprise, for both himself and for Jim. "Snug is a kind way of putting it. My meals remain small, but frequent." There was just no room for much more. "And yes, I often feel the need to go, when there is nothing to eliminate."

McCoy nodded sympathetically and set aside his first tricorder, reaching for a second.  With this, he did a full examination of Khan’s health, checking on blood pressure, hormone levels, and various other factors he was concerned about.  “Unfortunate side of pregnancy that no human seems to get to avoid,” he said.  “It’s just a very tight fit in there for a baby that gets so large.  Have you been having any trouble with heartburn or indigestion?”  He made a few notes on the tricorder charts, thinking an increase in certain vitamins and nutrients would not go amiss.

"No. No heartburn. No indigestion." Khan answered. When it came to vomiting or heartburn or related symptoms of pregnancy, Khan had been spared those minor ailments. While others, such as restless nights, seemed to be one of those things that remained  apart of the human, and augmented experience. Again, reading upside down, Khan observed the doctor's results as they popped up. "I know my protein and iron intake has dropped," he said, as he noted it was in the lower-end of the acceptable range, "but unless I can drink it, I don't have the stomach for it."

“We’ll make up a palatable shake that includes them,” McCoy said, making more notes.  “It really is annoying how you read this upside-down.  Not willing to trust your doctor.”  He put aside the machine and pulled on some gloves.  Despite the advancements of technology, he was still old-fashioned at heart and liked to check his patients with his own hands.  (With Khan’s permission, of course.)  His skilled fingers carefully probed and explored the new girth of Khan’s, looking for any sore or sensitive spots or any places that felt wrong or unusual.  “Remember, I need you to tell me if anything hurts.  Stoical is not the right look for you right now.”

"Yes, I understand," Khan said. In a way, he too preferred the old-fashioned, hands on approach. It was a lot less upsetting then being examined by a machine for hours on end. Then again, the less his medical interactions made him think of his time with Admiral Marcus, the better. Khan dropped his eyes, listening to his body as McCoy examined him by hand. "Tight," he said, as he crossed a section of his stomach that really was stretched tightly. "Tender," he said a moment later, the further up his chest McCoy got. Khan hadn't developed breasts, but his nipples and the muscles just under the surface were constantly tender and could barely withstand attention by medical hands, let alone anything in the bedroom.

McCoy hummed under his breath and did a careful circumference to determine the area of sensitivity on each side.  “You seem a bit too sensitive.  I’ll add something to your shakes to relieve some of the malstagia.  It might be good to give them some gentle stimulation, too, to help prepare for later.  If you plan to breastfeed, that is.  Still time to consider about that.”  He finished the careful hands-on, took off his gloves and made more notes.  “How is your back doing?”

"Thank you, Doctor." Khan said gently, appreciating the idea of some relief in that area. Khan pushed the fabric of his tunic back down to cover himself. "The muscles remain tense, as if I were carrying a heavy load for seven months straight." Khan said dryly. "But I am not in pain." He clarified with a sigh.

McCoy rolled his eyes at Khan and asked, “Have you continued the stretches and massages I recommended?  The infant seemed eager enough when I described how he could help you with them.”  In fact, Jim checked in almost daily with McCoy to see if there was anything he could do to make Khan’s life easier.  It would be annoying, if it wasn’t so damned cute.

No matter how many times McCoy used the term, Khan always took an extra moment to deconstruct in his mind that when McCoy was referring to 'the infant' he meant Jim Kirk and not the child he was a few weeks away from delivering. "Yes, Doctor. I remain active. And Jim is attentive to my needs, daily."

“Yeah, I don’t doubt it.  Have you found your libido has increased lately? I think it will become more active the further along you get and encourage you to indulge it as a means of keeping active and of easing things, without getting too crazy, you understand?  Also, I’d like to take sample of your breast milk when you begin lactating.  I’m sure it will be perfect, but since this is uncharted territory for a human male, I want to be sure.”  McCoy made more notations on his tricorder and then switched hats.  “So, physically, all is proceeding as anticipated.  So, how do you feel mentally, Mr. Singh?”

Yes. Orgasms. Orgasms were great. They were great stress relievers. And for a few minutes, or a few hours afterword, every joint, every muscle, was relaxed. Though Khan was a private man and barely managed to talk about such things, even with McCoy. "Yes, I understand." Khan did wonder if he would in fact lactate, since the area was so incredibly sensitive and tender these days. And if he did, would his body manage to produce superior antioxidants that the baby needed? Or would the liquid fail to offer nutritious value?

"My emotional state." Khan repeated back. He had come a long way in his life. At one time, such things did not matter. Now, it seemed to be something everyone freely asked about. "It has been a difficult experience, fluctuating between massive amounts of testosterone and estrogen at any given time. But I feel, after seven months, I have begun to even out." Which might be several months too late for the people he worried or was abrupt with along the way.

McCoy nodded and said, “So, the emotional swings are evening out than?  How are your stress levels?”  He knew Khan struggled some with the idea of the birth, even aided.  Though it was like pulling teeth to get the augment to admit it.   

"Yes, I believe so." Khan said, though did not seem interested in revealing much else. "I am eager to have soil beneath my feet and natural sunlight overhead." Khan could have this, when he was no longer pregnant, when transporting was not a risk. He could fly down to the surface of a planet by shuttle, but an environmentally welcoming planet had not come along in a while, and Khan was getting anxious on that front as well. In a way, having that freedom was a reassurance in knowing that the child he was carrying would know natural environments as well, and not just walls and the hum of powerful electrical circuits.

“Jim is trying to find one for you,” McCoy confided to him, trying to keep his spirits up.  “We’re not deliberately keeping you from some fresh air and sun.  In fact, I’d like to see you get some soon.  It’d be good for your health in multiple ways.”  That went in a quick note to the captain.  “And your stress levels?” he reasked, not wanting Khan to get away with avoiding the question.  He knew Khan hated to answer personal questions, but kept asking until he got some sort of satisfactory answer.

"Yes, I know." Khan said, attempting to be careful with his tone, diplomatic. No one was at fault. He was not assigning blame. "Thank you, Doctor." Khan pressed the thumb of his left hand against his palm, rubbing at the pads just below the joint. He didn't want to answer. He did not want to reveal himself, to give someone else a tactical advantage. And like many times before, Khan reminded himself that Doctor McCoy was not after this information as a means to find his weakness, he was Jim's friend, and the doctor responsible for his care. Doctors were meant to be neutral on the battlefield, caring for their patients, no matter who they were. Except when they didn't. "Anxiety and racing thoughts," Khan said abruptly. "If I do not distract myself with work, a creative or physical outlet, I begin to think the worst, quite quickly." It was the warrior and tactician in Khan that would flare up, thinking the worst, so that he could prepare for battle on any front.

McCoy sighed and nodded once, taking more notes.  “So far, nothing we’ve done has helped then?”  He knew about Khan’s worries, having pried them out of the man over the course of seven months, but still couldn’t figure out how to soothe them.  “Is there nothing more we can do to ease your fears?  Some sort of bonding exercise?”

Khan frowned this time as McCoy took notes. "Do not tell Jim that. He has worked very hard to soothe my nerves. And has, for the most part. But it is a strain on him, as well. It is not his responsibility to cure all my fears and anxieties." Khan sighed, "The stressful thoughts come and go. Jim and the crew of the Enterprise have been supportive in ways I never expected. I do not believe there is anything else to be done."

“You think Jim is doing all right?” McCoy asked, grateful for the segue into the new topic smoothly from the old one.  “And you think he doesn’t know that you’re worried?”  He looked back up at Khan, wishing the man gave just a little more away.  He had learned to read minute changes in expression from working so long with Spock and dealing with Khan, but they were still a challenge.  “And I’d like you to think on anything that might help.”

"Of course he knows I am worried." McCoy wasn't a psychologist, but he was the only one Khan was about to talk to, as openly as he did. "He does everything he can, to care for me, to soothe my nerves. To bond with the baby. To show that he is invested." Khan said, then began again, "I think he is worried about being a good father, but he is also excited about the idea of holding our child in his arms. I think he works too hard trying to please me. His position as Captain aboard the Enterprise is stressful enough; I think he should take more care in being self-indulgent, to find relief, from something other then taking on my stress."

McCoy agreed with all of that, but said, “Hard for him to take a true break when you can’t.  You know he’d feel guilty for indulging without you.  Still, I don’t deny that it would be good for him, for you both, to try and take a break from being stressed.  I’m going to prescribe a few days off for you both.  Jim’ll have a fit, but I want to see you both just relax.  I’ll see to it that the medicinal spas are available for all of them.  You both need to indulge and it should help relax your body and ease aches.  And no complaints from you...I’ll demand the same from him.”

Khan grumbled through a soft sigh. Jim needed a break, but it wouldn't be much of a break if he was trying to care for Khan the whole time. "Yes, Doctor. I understand." Jim would throw a fit. He didn't know how to take a day off, any better then Khan did. Sure, he was great at socializing and doing daring things, but they always had an underlying purpose to them. Khan felt the heat of tears suddenly try to swell up and growled, forcing them back down.

McCoy looked at Khan closely when he growled and said, “That’s good, Mr. Singh.  Let out what you feel.  Don’t hide it, at least from me.  I’m your doctor, goddamnit.  I want to help you.  Please let me help you.  That’s what I’m the CMO for.  Please, tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Khan slowly turned his sharp eyes on McCoy. There was a long silence. But it wasn't because Khan was questioning McCoy's sincerity. It was more so the fact, that he was trying to put human words to what he was experiencing, feeling, and fearing. They were there, the emotion was there, but he struggled to put them in the right order. "What happens, when we forget how to relax, forget how to be at peace, because all we now know is to constantly save each other. All we know, is to protect the other. We don't know how to be happy, unless we are saving the other from pain. What, then, Doctor?"

“The months before you got pregnant, weren’t you happy without having to save each other?” McCoy asked.  “It’s not uncommon to worry, Mr. Singh.  But you and Jim...I think that foundation’s as solid as anything I’ve seen.  Despite how it all started...maybe because of it.  But thank you for telling me.  Now, please, tell me if you really think that’s a legitimate concern, in the logical part of your mind.”

"I want to know if he loves me. Or if he's just addicted to the feeling of saving someone like me. I cannot give you a logical response, Doctor. I only see how much I need him, more then he needs me." Khan said, eyes dropping as a few light tears finally made it past his defences. But after they dropped, Khan was quiet, eyes slipping into something blank and empty. "He took me in, when I was injured. And was my friend, when no one else would be. He became my family. But he doesn't need me for any of those things. He already has a family, through the crew of the Enterprise. He has friends and people who look after him." McCoy as the prime example. "The only thing unique I have been able to offer him is this baby. And I am afraid for him, that he is so obsessed with not being an absent parent, that he will remain with me, even if he becomes unhappy."

“You’re right, that’s completely illogical,” McCoy said with honest sympathy.  “Thank you for telling me, for trusting me.  Now, I’ll tell you, as your doctor and friend, not to mention Jim’s friend, that he loves you.  I agree, he’s worrying too much about not being a good father, but illogical worrying is something else you share.  All that will ever prove anything to you both is time.  Have you talked to Jim about this?”  He placed a hand carefully on Khan’s shoulder in a friendly fashion, testing to see if that was accepted.

Khan did not pull away, but he did stare at McCoy for a moment. The man had never touched him, except in the capacity as a doctor. Not as a friend. But he was also staring for a different reason too. Jim loved him. At least, McCoy thought so. And most days, it felt like it to Khan too, but it was difficult to believe in for the long-term. "No. I have not. It will upset him. He will interrupt it as some failure on his part, when that is not the case. He has been very good to me. Patient. So I too must be patient." Khan would not force Jim into a corner like that, force him to open up, if he is not ready to. Until then, Khan would wait.

“I won’t tell him,” McCoy promised.  “Everything you tell me is confidential...and you’re right, the in- Jim, Jim has too much conscience sometimes.  I think it’s one of the reasons I like him so much, even when he nearly makes me blow my top.  Maybe that’s why he can.”  He chuckled softly and squeezed Khan’s shoulder.  “Will it help you if I say that I think you’ll feel more on an even keel after the baby is born?  Your hormone levels and body should return to their normal state and ease a lot of the emotional swings you still feel.”

"Yes." Yes, it did help. This was one of the things Khan knew, logically. He would be himself, after the pregnancy. He was looking forward to that, but did not express it verbally in case it was misunderstood as him not wanting to continue with the pregnancy, which was not the case at all. He simply wanted to be himself, someone he still recognized. And hoped, that Jim was still interested in loving that part of him.

“Good,” McCoy said sincerely.  “I’ll be talking to Jim tomorrow and so you know, I’ll encourage him to talk to you, as well.”  He squeezed Khan's shoulder one time more and then let him go.  “Is there anything else you’d like to share with me?”  He looked very sincerely at Khan and let him decide if he wanted to say more or bring the appointment to an end.

Khan placed his hand over his own stomach, considering McCoy thoughtfully. "Why is it we only get along in private, Doctor? What is it about Jim Kirk ..." Khan didn't elaborate, surely McCoy had noticed it too, whenever Jim was around, Khan and McCoy were sensitive to criticism from one another, or ready to bite each other's head's off. But in private, for the many months Khan had worked in the lab and medical bay with McCoy, and during all his various exams and checkups, the two got along perfectly civil.

“I guess I’m still too protective of Jim,” McCoy said.  “We both get twisted up in our feelings for him and start snapping at each other.  Also, Jim and I have always had an unorthodox relationship.  We met each other at our lowest ebb and helped each other get through the first years of the Academy.  I snuck him on the Enterprise that first time, during Nero’s attack.  Nearly killed him...crazy allergies.”  He shook his head once.  “But you’re a part of the Enterprise’s family, and Jim loves you, so you’re part of my family, too.”  

"Thank you, Doctor." Khan was aware that one of the reasons they clashed, was because they were both protective of Jim. But he hoped that by addressing it like this, privately, they could come to terms with being natural allies. Whereas, if Khan had asked the same question, when Jim was in the room, it would have been immediately perceived as confrontational by both parties. But this was good. It was a form of reassurance, that even though McCoy was protective of Jim Kirk, he did however accept Khan's presence in Jim's life.

“Of course, Mr. Singh,” McCoy said.  “I’m sorry if I’m not strictly professional with you.  I know you are heavier on protocol than Jim, and my relationship with the captain is not exactly formal.  We tend to show our feelings and very directly say what we think when we’re together.  That’s not always a good thing.”  He stepped away and began to pack his implements for sterilization.  “We’re done for today.  Are you working a shift?”

Yes, that was the other issue. Khan did not always understand the inside jokes or level of familiarity between Jim and McCoy, often taking offense on Jim's behalf, when it was a matter of good fun between the two friends. "No, I am not on shift today. But I promised Scotty-" using his familiar name, even when speaking with others was a little rough on Khan's sensibilities, but he did so as a new way to express his respect for the engineer, "that I would visit him on shift, while he uploads a maintenance program."

“I don’t have to remind you that Scotty won’t remember to be careful, so you have to for him,” McCoy said, “but oops, I just did anyway.  Don’t let that crazy Scot talk you into any of his insane ideas.  I have had more engineers in here…”  He grumbled under his breath and shook his head a few times.

A slow, wolfish grin seemed to grow on Khan's face just then. "Ah, but you see Doctor, we enable one another's insanity. Otherwise, what sort of friend would I be?" His smile remained. No, Khan wasn't joking. He and Scotty enjoyed engineering puzzles, and in a way, kept Scotty from soliciting help from less experience crewmen who might not know when, or how, to say no.

“Theory is fine.  Just leave the experimenting to Scotty.  You can watch and laugh when he fries himself...and poor Keenser,” McCoy said.  “It’s a damn good thing Roylans are so tough.  I don’t think anyone else could have survived alone with Scotty for so long.”  He snorted a laugh.  “They really are the best of friends.”

Easing off the biobed, Khan stood awkwardly, always having to find the right balance for his weight these days, every time he moved from one new position to another. "Yes, Doctor, I understand you." Khan would show caution, not for himself, but for the child. The augment was not a man who enjoyed theory or speculation for very long, he enjoyed the science of actually doing things. As for today, he would stand by and watch, and perhaps warn younger crewmen against specific actions if it would cause them harm.

McCoy nodded at him, face back to its normal serious set.  “Thank you, Mr. Singh.  Say hi to Jim for me when you see him and please remind him that he has an appointment with me tomorrow.  No getting out of it.”

"I will drag him myself, if necessary." Khan said, his tone completely even and entirely matter of fact. Jim had as of yet call his bluff. If only because Khan would literally drag Jim by the ankles over five decks, to get him to the medical bay. And wouldn't that be embarrassing for him, shirt riding up and fingers try to grasp at the floor or at the walls between archways, only to be towed along by a pregnant man with no sympathetic ear to his protests.

”Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I do like you,” McCoy said.  “Especially since you know we’ll spend a lot of it talking about you.”  He waved Khan away.  “Alright, go haul your pregnant ass down to Engineering.  I have other patients.”


	19. Chapter 19

The design for the baby's cot had come into Khan's mind one night, well over a month ago. The idea developed over breakfast, then lunch, and by dinner, the augment had begun to make notes on the computer. But the time wasn't always there for Khan to work on building it. Even with his reduction in shifts, the sort of private time he needed to work on the project was not always available to him. So after a hard push to finish, Khan was finally ready to reveal his work to Jim, having banned him from the nursery over the last five days. 

Meanwhile, Jim fought against the urge to pout.  His weekly session with Bones, held that day, had been a particularly hard one, and they’d both ended up yelling at each other.  Even though it was ultimately cathartic to speak his worries aloud, he also hated it.  He’d reminded his best friend of that in a vicious manner he usually tried to avoid.  It wasn’t one of the nicer parts of himself, but he could reduce nearly anyone to rubble when he wanted.  Fortunately, Bones knew him well enough to understand, even if both of them had come out a bit worse for wear.

And on the homefront, Khan still barred him from the nursery.  It was obvious that Khan was doing something that excited him, that he wanted to surprise Jim with, but the nursery had become the place Jim went to unwind.  He’d turn on the star field and sit among the furniture they’d gathered for their baby and find himself relaxing without even trying.  In the nursery, he could believe that parenthood was something he could pull off. And pull off well.

"Alright," Khan announced, stepping out of the nursery and into the main room. "Stop sulking and come with me. You're allowed back in the nursery," Khan said, an arm and his open hand extended to Jim.

Jim didn’t like the sulking crack at all and shot Khan a hard look for it. He refused to accept the offered hand, stung by the words and not over his appointment with Bones.  Still, he stood and headed for the nursery, genuinely curious about what the augment had been up to.  

On the floor, where Commander Spock's bed had once been, was an oval ring, with soft white light around the rim. Suspended three feet above that ring was a pod, quiet and still. And while the surface of the pod was made of wood textures and brushed bronze, which gave it a warm, natural look, the inside components were far from natural elements, but rather highly advanced engineering.

And while the pod was egg shaped, nearly perfectly oval, there was hollowed out section from the top, which would allow either parent to place or retrieve their child from the bed. "I would like to show you how it works." Khan said, waiting to ensure he had Jim's interest. 

The new item in the room drew Jim forward to examine it from all angles, curious about its form and function.  He wasn’t exactly certain what it was, though he had an idea.  “Yes, please, I’d like to see.”

"The cot is sensitive to orientation, vibration, climate, and sound." Khan began, placing one the plush toys, in this case an elephant, on the small mattress bedding inside the chamber. "If the Enterprise sustains damage, the bed will compensate and remain motionless. Including, adaptive to sudden low, or no, gravity environments. It reduces sound, to make for a white noise sleeping area. And is currently programmed to remain at human body temperature." The bed, activated once the weight of the toy elephant had been placed inside it, hummed in soothing, heart-beat like pulses. In truth, the bed was very nearly a life pod, which would maintain and protect the life it held, even if the Enterprise, and her crew, were gone. 

“That’s amazing,” Jim said with genuine awe.  “And perfect.  You’re such a thoughtful parent, Noonien.  Is there some way you can program the bed to feed the baby, if we are incapacitated?”  The very thought made him shiver, but if the worst happened, it would be good to know their child had a fighting chance.  “Don’t suppose it can change diapers, too?”  The last was said in a lighter tone, even though Jim sure as Hell wouldn’t mind. 

Khan considered the suggestion. "It does self-sterilize, but that is not the same thing. It does not change diapers. Or provide nutrition." So in that regard it was not a true life pod. It could not sustain life for more than a few days, which could mean falling into the atmosphere of the nearest planet, or issuing a distress signal until found. Either way, it was not built for long journeys, it wouldn't be able to transport their child back to Earth like some tragic hero origin story. "But I will attempt to add those features, if you believe I should."

Jim laughed softly at Khan’s earnest response and shook his head at the augment.  “You’re amazing, too.  The nutrition thing might be good, just in case, but we can handle the diapers.  As much as that’s not a facet of parenthood I’m all entranced about.”  He knelt and examined the pod even more closely, before saying, “Most advanced crib in the universe.  You could make a fortune if you sold this idea.  Actually, yes, let’s.  Patent this, Noonien.  It’s your technology, separate from Starfleet.  And it’s brilliant.  Other parents will pee themselves in excitement.”

The compliment and enthusiasm finally allowed Khan to smile a little. He stared at the toy elephant, that was lonely in the crib without a human to chew on it's feet or suck on it's ear. Somehow finding this empty crib distressing, in a way that only made sense to him, Khan placed several more plush toys inside. That was better.

"Yes, Jim. If you think so."

Jim watched Khan place the other toys in the crib and said, “Our baby is already spoiled and isn’t even born yet.  We’re going to have a zoo of stuffed animals...check that, we already have a zoo.  He stood and moved to fetch his own favorite to add to the pile, a sehlat from Spock.  It was only right that the baby have more than Earth animals in the collection.

“You know who else would be right in this nursery?  Pomphrey.  Both he and the baby would benefit from each other’s presence.  Put his terrarium close enough to the pod, and he’ll purr himself to sleep every night.  Allow his purring to come through the pod’s noise screen, and the baby will benefit from the health benefits, too.  What do you think?”

Pleased that Jim was supportive in this way, by adding the extra toy, even when it made no sense, Khan attempted to reach for him again. The contact hadn't seemed wanted before, so he showed a little more caution this time, as his fingers brushed against Jim's wrist. "Yes, I think that would be a perfect match for both of them."

Jim noted the light touch, a sign that Khan felt unsure of himself.  That were not as rare as one might expect for the augment, a lingering symptom of his rejection by his family.  And even though Jim still smarted a little from the earlier words, he turned his hand to allow their fingers to curl together.  “Pomphrey may feel a little left out of late.  I think forming an early bond between baby and tribble will be good.”  

With this permission, Khan kept their fingers locked together and leaned his shoulder into Jim slightly as he stared at the pod full of animals. "You mean, put Pomphrey on my belly and let the two talk it out?" Of course, it wouldn't be talking as they knew it, but more of an empathic bond through movement and vibration. "Yes, I think so. A companion, when parents or friends is not enough."

Jim smiled at the thought and confessed, “That wasn’t really what I was thinking, but now that you say it, yes, you should totally do that.  And not just because I want to capture that on a holophoto... not at all.”  He openly chuckled at how cute that picture would be.  “Honestly, though, we should have thought about it before.  Pomphrey is an excellent stress reducer, and it’s not like you wouldn’t benefit from his ministrations, as well.”  He frowned a little, remembering some of his session with Bones.  “And me.”

"That's not what you meant?" Khan said, looking to Jim, curious and willing to be corrected. "The tribble will have its work cut out, between the three of us." A therapy pet, that always rose to the occasion to create a peaceful environment. "We could place the terrarium here," Khan suggested, taking only a small step to the side and gesturing with his free hand to a pocket of space between the wall and the crib. "That should be close enough."

“I had been thinking only after the birth,” Jim said and nodded his agreement with the placement.  “Close enough for Pomphrey to note the baby and respond.  It’s going to be so cute.  Heck, maybe Pomphrey will have sympathy babies.”  He snorted at himself for the ridiculous notion.  “I suppose we could get a second tribble.  Bones still has a few, since he’s so cautious about giving them to anyone.  Scotty’s asked about a dozen times, but he’ll either overfeed the tribble so it has a million babies or accidentally blow it up.”

"Hm-" Khan was unsure about the idea of Scotty taking care of a tribble too, McCoy was right to be cautious. Khan had never observed the Scotsman show any discipline regarding food, or drink. And sometimes the awareness of his actions tended to slip his mind. It would be a risk to the animal, that no, maybe Scotty wasn't ready for. But maybe he would show a new side of himself when it came to delicate forms of life, they would see soon enough, once the baby was born. "I think I could do without a million tribble babies. This one will keep us busy enough," he said, glancing down.

“Yes, a cross between the two of us is going to be more than a handful,” Jim agreed and reached out a hand toward Khan’s middle.  “May I?”  He paused several inches away in case the augment did not feel like being touched right now.  “Bones said the baby is too big to move much anymore.  Do you miss feeling the moving around?”

"Yes, I miss it," Khan confessed, stepping forward to supply the difference so that Jim was touching him. But instead of showing him where to touch, as he used to whenever the baby kicked, Khan allowed Jim to explore on his own. "But yes, every organ that can be moved and compressed has been. There just isn't any room to move around now."

Jim made a face and said, “What you’re going through to carry our baby is incredible.  It sounds terrible, having your organs jammed about inside of you.  How do you still function properly?”  He ran his hands tenderly all over the large bulge that was now Khan’s abdomen, face awash in astonished delight.  “And in less than two months, we’ll know if we have a little girl or boy.  Either way, I’m rebelling now against blue and pink.  No gender stereotypes.  Right?”  He looked back up into Khan’s face.

"No gender stereotypes." Khan echoed. "That would be most appropriate." He said, pleased by this, and attempted to lean in to kiss Jim on the cheek. Kissing face-on was a little bit more of a chore these days, with the very large physical buffer between them, but with a little effort, there were ways around it. "Are you ... excited?" Khan asked, as a way to begin to address how his appointment with McCoy went. 

Jim eased himself into position so Khan could land the kiss, getting experienced with working around the new barrier.  “I’m excited, Noonien.  I’ve been excited since I first processed the news.  But I’m still fucking scared, too.  I’m pretty sure you know that already, though.”  He sighed, a long breath of slight disastifaction.  “Bones thinks I’m not doing a good enough job communicating with you.  What do you think?”"

"Yes, we're both scared. And we're both worried," Khan said, the corners of his lips naturally turning down. Not because he was already upset, but because that was the natural pull to them, even when he was perfectly well. "And though we both promised to be honest with one another, at some point we began to hold certain fears to ourselves." Khan licked his lips, knowing he should go first. "For example," he said, meeting Jim's eyes bravely, "I am worried that I have made you stressed and unhappy, over these past few months, more than I have made you relaxed and happy. I am worried that my needs have put a strain on you. I am worried-" he said with a sigh, forcing it out, "that if it had not been for the pregnancy, we would no longer be dating and you would have moved on by now."

“Well, fuck,” Jim breathed and then shook himself.  “Come on.”  He more firmly took Khan’s hand and led him back toward their room.  “If we’re going to have this conversation, we’re going to be comfortable while we do it.”  He headed straight for the bed, letting go of Khan’s hand in order to fashion for them one of the nests that Khan liked so much.  Honestly, the cozy surroundings were pleasant for him, as well.  He made sure to grab the new body pillow Bones had given Khan to help with aches.  “There, just the way we like it.  Now, how about we both climb in and get cozy?”   

It was perfect. Even now, Jim was taking care of him, giving him a safe place. "Thank you," Khan said, stepping out of his shoes and moving into bed. And though it would be very comfortable to lay down completely, Khan wanted to have this conversation as upright as he could. So with the use of the body pillow to support his back and partly play the role of an arm rest, Khan sat in the nest Jim had made for him.

Jim climbed in after him and found a comfortable position facing his lover, with their legs touching in a few reassuring places.  He admittedly took a few extra minutes shuffling about, before acknowledging that he was delaying the inevitable and facing Khan squarely.  “It’s hard for me to talk about things.  Bones and I came as close to blows as we ever have this afternoon because he pushed me and pushed me and pushed me into telling him things I didn’t want to.  And I’m still plenty pissed at him about that.  But he’s right, you don’t deserve my keeping things to myself, and I do want to know how you’re feeling.  So- so, here we are.”

He took another deep, fortifying breath.  “Thank you for telling me those things.  I’m sorry you’ve been worried about them while trying to deal with being pregnant, too.  I don’t know that I can reassure you fully, but I’ll fucking try.  First off, we’re a family, baby or not.  No way I’d let you go, Noonien.  We were doing fine before we learned you got pregnant, too.  I was happy.  I am happy.   I have been a bit stressed and nervous, but that’s on me, not you.  This baby...the closer we get, the more it turns out I want to be a father.  And the more nervous I get about being one.  It’s stupid, but I can’t seem to help it.  I never had a real father, so I can’t look to one for an example, except of all the things I don’t want to be.  So, it makes me edgy, though I’ve been trying not to take it out on you.  I’m sorry if I’ve failed at that.  That’s not fair to you.”

"You nearly, fought?" Khan had begun to ask, but let the topic go, not wanting to silence Jim while he was still ready to talk. A darkness that had clouded Khan's eyes from time to time began to lift, and he looked visibly relieved. With or without the baby, Jim was still happy with him, still wanted to call him family. He nodded, taking the time to let the full weight of it penetrate his warrior's heart, which was usually guarded and sceptic against such things.

"You haven't Jim. You haven't taken it out on me at all. You've been holding it all in so closely, that it has been difficult to tell what you feel at all. It has been difficult to know where I stand, in the end. I have only seen that you are hiding this worry, this unhappiness...and I blamed myself because I have been unable to care for you, protect you, like I used to. You have been alone with the pain of these worries, and in the end, all I see is how I am unable to help save you from them."

Jim dropped a hand to Khan’s nearest leg and stroked over the fiber of his pants, soothing little circles to ease himself as much as his lover.  “We need to take care of each other,” he said, looking into Khan’s eyes.  “You shouldn’t have the burden of taking care of me, without it going both ways.  I- I didn’t know that I was hurting you that way, Noonien.  I’m so sorry...that you could ever doubt how fucking crazy I am about you...that’s just not on.  I’ll try to make sure I tell you and reassure you about that.  Out of all of the things I’ve worried about, that was not one of them.  I’m sorry for being blind to that.”  He trailed his fingers over and over the same spot, asking forgiveness with touch, as much as words.  “Will you forgive me for that, Noonien?”

"You know, I was hesitant to speak about any of this, Jim. I did not want you to take it hard. Because you have been amazing with me, taking care of my needs and patient through the instability of my hormone fluctuations...I do not want you to think you failed me at all. You have looked after me, Jim. Your actions are strong. But words are powerful too, and without them, my brain began to fill in that void with fears and doubts, even though the physical evidence of your care was to the contrary. But my mind slips in and out of irrational states, and so whereas I never need verbal reassurance before...I do now." Khan curled his toes inward, a small sign of his happiness that Jim was touching him and that for his part, never doubted that Khan was the partner he wanted to still be with. "I know it is not easy for either of us. So it is easy to forgive you, Jim. I do forgive you. Can you forgive me, for needing words of comfort, when I never did before?"

“You need no forgiveness for that,” Jim murmured and moved his hand to Khan’s nearest foot, massaging away the aches he naturally suffered from carrying the child.  “I’m glad you don’t think ill of me, for missing how much you were worrying.  I hate to say it, but Bones is right...we need to make sure we talk to each other.  Maybe- maybe it would be easier if we designated a time during each week for doing exactly what we’re doing now, sitting together in this nest and talking in complete honesty?  I’m fuck all at it, but I’ll try...for both of us.”  His fingers rubbed carefully at Khan’s ankles, working the protrusion tenderly.

"Yes." Khan nodded in agreement, liking the idea of just sitting in their safe place together, lightly touching, able to talk to one another with care and openly. "Yes, Jim, I think that would be a good arrangement for us. Though I do not want it to become a situation where we resent the experience, or begrudge this time we set aside. It is important for both of us." Khan did not want it to become a situation where either of them were loathe to sit down and talk together. Khan curled his toes in again, then relaxed as his foot gave into the gentle massage and manipulations. 

“I was thinking about that, too, but if it’s a time for more than just speaking about things that are a bit uncomfortable, for bonding and touching, than I think it’ll be easier,” Jim said.  “And allowing each other the freedom to confess when something is too hard to tell for the moment.  There may be things, you know.  Or too embarrassing.”  He dug into a knot in the arch of Khan’s foot.  “Do you trust me, Noonien, as the other father of your child?”

Khan briefly sucked on his lower lip, enjoying the pressure Jim was placing on the arch of his foot. It felt amazing. He was about to tell him so when Jim asked his question. Khan's eyes flew open then, "Yes," he said quickly, focused on Jim, blinking once. "Yes, Jim, I trust you to be the father of our child. There is no one else, more worthy and able."

Jim blinked back the wetness in his eyes, feeling a single tear (which mimicked one cried long ago by his then enemy) run down his cheek.  “Thank you, Noonien.  I want to be.  I’ll try to take confidence from your certainty.”  He moved to Khan’s other foot, working the toes carefully.  “May we talk now about names again?  Try to find the right ones for our baby, girl or boy?”

Pressing his fists into the mattress, Khan lifted the weight of his body just enough so that he could scoot forward. The foot Jim was attending to remained in his hands, but it was now also in his lap. Having moved closer, Khan placed his hand on Jim's knee. "Yes, we can talk about names. But first, I want to talk about the man who got me pregnant, despite all odds and biology. I want to talk about the man who saved me from collapsing in on myself when I was broken. Who became my friend and my family, when I had not earned it. I want to talk about the man who is going to be a loving, protective, adventurous father. You, Jim Kirk. The man who I hope, some day, might consider, having a second child with me. One that did not happen by accident, but very much on purpose."

Jim’s mouth fell open, and he found himself staring at Khan with eyes that must resemble dinner plates.  “You mean that?” he squeaked and turned a monstrous shade of red.  Clearing his throat and fighting the blush, he repeated in a softer, more questioning, tone, “You mean that, Noonien?  You don’t even know how I’ll do with one kid, and you want another?”  Another tear ran down his right cheek, splashing on Khan’s leg.  “I never saw you as broken, Noonien, just hurt.  It’s been a privilege to be your friend and companion and lover and now one of the fathers of our child.”

Khan however had never seen this kind of reaction from Jim before. Of the two of them, oddly, the stoic augment was the one more prone to shedding tears. Reaching forward, Khan pressed the palm of his hand to the side of Jim's face, fingers gentle against his skin as he held his gaze. "Yes, Jim." Khan wanted a family with Jim. One that was decided upon with purpose, rather then a reaction upon an accident. "We have time. But you should know, that is what I want."

Jim eased Khan’s foot off his lap and moved forward to kiss his lover softly.  “Thank you, Noonien.”  He wiped at his face and scrubbed off the tears, trying not to sniffle too noticeably.  “I’m sorry for losing it like this.”  He rubbed their cheeks together tenderly and then rested his head on Khan’s shoulder.  “Sometimes, I still do need your strength, Noonien.  You give me confidence in our relationship, when I falter.  You’ve never failed me in that.”

"I would hardly call a few tears, losing it." Khan said fondly. Though he understood the feeling completely. A small reaction on the outside, often felt a thousand times bigger on the inside. Turning his head so that he could kiss the top of Jim's head, Khan remained at rest like this for a few minutes. Then leaning back, Khan lightly tugged at Jim, encouraging him to lay with him. "I have been unable to hug and hold you, the way we used to, but know that I still want to, Jim," Khan said, fingers petting over the top of Jim's hand as he spoke. "Now then, do you still want to talk about names?"

“I almost never cry,” Jim murmured.  “I learned not to young.”  He carefully circled Khan with one arm and rested his head right next to his lover’s.  “Yes, I would like to talk about names, if you want to.  I feel close to you, and the baby is only a couple of months away...the time feels right to choose.  I know I’ve been putting it off, but only because it’s so hard.”  He stroked Khan’s fine hair, threading the strands through his fingers.  “What do you think?”

"Some traditions do not give names to children, until after they are born. So that the parents and extended family have time to meet the new life, get to know them, as a way to embrace what the child wants to be known as. But I do not mind if we decide, Jim, if after all this time, there is a name or two, you cannot let go form your mind or your heart." Khan closed his eyes lightly, enjoying the fingers pet through his hair as they spoke. 

“You want to wait?” Jim asked.  “I don’t mind, I guess.  We can tell everyone we want to know the baby a little before sticking on a name that will last a lifetime.  That makes sense.”  He dropped his hand till it rested over Khan’s heart and rubbed in small circles there, before settling it completely.  “I can’t believe you want another baby.  You haven’t even had this one yet.”  He chuckled, but there was some water in the sound, something deep and awestruck.  “At least you’ll have practice for the next time.”

"Yes, Jim. I know. It might even be a few years before we are both ready for it. But I wanted to tell you. The desire is on my mind." Khan's heart was strong and beat with a steady rhythm under Jim's fingers. "In the meantime, you can think about it, too," Khan said, mirroring Jim as he reached out to touch his chest. "Now that we know such things are possible." 

Jim smiled in pleasure and stroked over Khan’s chest and side with tender fingers.  “Well, I think we better see how we do with one first for a few years,” he said, “before we decide to have another.  Still, it means a lot to me that you’d even think of wanting another kid.”  He traced a ring around his lover’s heart and then leaned in to press a kiss to his nearest cheek.  “I guess I owe Bones an apology and probably a large bottle of bourbon.”

The kiss was nice, and Khan sighed happily. But the fight Jim had with McCoy and the subsequent desire to apologize and give a gift was somewhat concerning. "I know the two of you have a...unique relationship. But why did you fight, why was your argument so bad this time, that you nearly came to blows?"  Khan wanted to curl around Jim, hold him close in his arms, but such things were just not possible right now. The best he could manage was to drape an arm over Jim's middle, bridging the space between them. "Why were you so upset?"

Jim colored and pushed his face more into the strong shoulder of his lover.  “He pushed me to talk.  And pushed and pushed until I finally got furious at him about it.  Before I knew it, we were nose to nose and nearly taking swings.  But I calmed down and managed not to make a complete ass of myself.  And look here...he was right.”  Jim’s face went woebegone and repentant.  “I’m more than a little ashamed of myself.”

They could be difficult, Khan and Jim both. Sometimes on purpose, and sometimes without even meaning to be. So Khan attempted to defuse the guilt Jim was feeling by offering a small smile and a relaxed sigh. "Doctor McCoy is a good friend to you. I cannot imagine that he would push you, unless it was necessary."

“He’s my best friend, besides you,” Jim said quietly.  “Sucks that we tend to hurt people we care about most easily.”  He looked into Khan’s eyes and smiled a little.  “Like I managed to upset you.  But I really did a number with Bones.  And he’s been good to us both.  How did your appointment go?”  He reached out to trace Khan’s right cheek with care and lifted his head to seal their mouths tenderly.

The kiss offered was sweet relief, an intimate exchange that allowed both men to be distracted by something pleasant for a few seconds at a time. "Medically, I am well and everything is moving along as is expected. But McCoy pushed me to open up as well. And though I resisted, in a different way, eventually I came to admit the fears and worries I had been carrying." Unlike Jim, in his defensive anger or frustration, Khan knew not to express even the smallest hint of true aggression to the Doctor, or any other crewmen for that matter. 

“He’s a bulldog when he needs to be,” Jim said.  “Maybe we owe him more than just one bottle of booze, huh?  After all he’s had to deal with...and everything to come.  Though, honestly, I think he’s looking forward to there being a baby around.  He misses his daughter.”  His face tightened in righteous anger as he thought of how McCoy’s ex-wife had basically banned him from their daughter.  “Now that I’m going to be a dad, I know how awful that is.  I can’t imagine someone being that vindictive...or how he stands it as well as he has.”

"Jim-" Khan wanted to roll over and lay on top of Jim, a subtly dominant move, but since he was unable to do that, he pressed his hand firmly to the center of Jim's chest, head turned so that he was looking at him face-on for the moment "-would it relieve his grief, to become the godfather?" Khan knew for some time Jim had his mind set on Spock in that honored role, but Khan only had a connection to Uhura, and sometimes it was a little rough around the edges because of the augment's distance with the Vulcan. But McCoy. Khan could trust McCoy with their child. If Jim was set on the idea of naming a godfather, McCoy was who he preferred. 

Jim thought about it and nodded once.  “Yes, I think you’re right.  Spock and Uhura...they may have kids of their own someday.  But Bones, I think his daughter may be the only child he ever has.  Being the godfather of our firstborn...he’d be tickled pink.  And probably even get a bit slobbery about it over a few drinks.  If anything happened to us, well, there’d be no better substitute father.  Shall we ask him together?”

"Is that acceptable to you, Jim?" Khan asked, his look was intense, mixed with concern and a willingness to listen if Jim thought otherwise. "Commander Spock and Uhura will have their own family to concern themselves with. Whereas Doctor McCoy may not be able to have back the daughter he already has. I think he would be a fine surrogate father, if there ever came a need." Khan soothed his hand over Jim's chest now, "Would you like for a few days to pass, before we speak with him?"

“No, I’d like to talk to him tomorrow.  I don’t want for this to fester between us,” Jim said.  “You and I should tell him together, since this is a joint decision.  And it’ll ease my way into an abject apology.  There’s some groveling in my future.  Possibly a lot of it.  Don’t mock me until we’re in private about it.”

Khan shook his head with a little frown. "I won't." Public or private. He slid his hand over Jim's chest again, then coming to terms that he was fidgeting with him for no reason, settled back down again on his side. Resting his hand once more on his side, Khan pressed their heads together. "Tomorrow we will speak with him, together. Hopefully he will be willing to accept the role."

“He will,” Jim said confidently and pressed his head carefully against Khan’s.  “Who could resist being godfather to our baby?  Why would Bones even want to?  And just think, an already trained babysitter.  Perfect.”  He twined their fingers and then rested his free hand on Khan’s stomach.  “Our child...and Bones’ godchild.  What a thing.”

"Our baby." Khan had repeated back, barely meaning for sound to pass his lips. "Our child," he said, closing his eyes and leaning in to nuzzle their faces. As Khan breathed, his upper chest would rise and fall, and through his stomach wouldn't stretch any further, it too would move up and down every time his lungs attempted to expand. "Will you talk to our child, Jim? Tell a bedtime story..."

“A bedtime story,” Jim mused aloud and then nodded once with a warm smile.  “Yes, I will.”  With great amusement, he began to sing very softly in the direction of Khan’s stomach, “Lambert, the sheepish lion.  Lambert was always trying to be a wild and wooly sheep, instead of a sheepish lion.”  From there, he launched into the tale of a lion cub mistakenly left by the stork with a sheep herd and raised there by a lonely ewe.  He grew up very confused and somewhat cowardly, since he thought he was a sheep.  But when a pack of wild dogs tried to attack his sheep mother, he showed off his true lion colors and drove them all away in her defense.  As he finished, he glanced up at Khan and asked, “How was that?”

Relaxing back into the bed, Khan watched as Jim spoke to their child, engaged in telling a story, even if it went ignored by the unborn baby. "Perfect, Jim," Khan said with a relaxed smile. "Already a good father." He reached out began to pet the tips of his fingers through Jim's hair, just over and behind his right ear. Though after a moment, Khan groaned with annoyance and gave a little snarl of his nose as he sat up and pulled himself out of bed to go to use the refresher, as he did a dozen other times in a day, and hundreds of times in a week. He would definitely not miss having someone step on his bladder all day long.

Jim covered a little smile at his poor lover’s frustration.  It would be bad for his health to ever show any amusement at something Khan found so obnoxious.  Still, from his viewpoint as a normal human, it was a teeny bit nice to see a few cracks in Khan’s perfection.  The constant need to pee was definitely one of those.  He pulled himself out of the bed after Khan and padded to the refresher as well.

“How about a full foot massage?” he called through the door.  “I can break out the oils and everything.”

There was a moment's pause from the other side of the door, Khan washing, not only his hands, but his face, as well. When the door opened, a few strands of hair had been brushed back into place. "My feet or yours?" Khan asked, momentarily amused, then thought it was actually a good idea. "If we sit how we were before, we could massage each other's feet."

“I won’t say no,” Jim said, “though I thought you deserved a treat.”  He reached up and mussed the fringe of hair right back over Khan’s eyes.  “I’ll get some towels and the oils.”  With a little smirk at Khan, he headed into the refresher to gather their items and wash his own hands.

Khan gave a soft, short rumble in his throat at Jim as he passed. It was hardly a threatening growl, more along the lines of saying 'You.' (You, troublemaker. You, who can't leave it alone. You, who acts on impulse. You, who I am very fond of anyway.) Khan walked back to the bed and this time, after he settled back into the nest of blankets, took off his socks and tossed them over the edge of the bed, to join his shoes on the floor. 

“You look better that way,” Jim called out of the refresher in response to the noise, voice full of cheerful amusement.  “Long hair and long bangs.  It’s perfect.  You’re dead sexy with your hair all over your face.  Don’t you believe me?”  He emerged with towels thrown over each shoulder and two small bottles of oil.  “Cause you should.  I am unfailingly honest about your hotness.”  He set one bottle and one towel on Khan’s side and one on his side.  Fussing about for a few minutes, he laid out the towels for each man to put his feet on and then climbed back into their nest.  His own shoes and socks were long discarded.  “Lafayette, I have arrived.”

"Hm." Khan considered Jim as he settled back into bed with him. A very pleasing thought began to come to him, about how he might display the messy hair over his face that Jim was so fond of. And after a minute, Khan made no effort to conceal the fact that he was thinking of something naughty from his smirking lips and bright eyes. "Why do you like it so much?" He asked, positioning his feet on the towel in front of Jim.

“I think it matches the wilder part of your personality,” Jim said, as he dumped some oil in his hands and warmed it up between his palms.  “It makes you look a little less than perfect and kempt, veering more toward the feral I know you have in you.  And you understand how much I appreciate that part of you.  Besides, you’re just sexy to me sporting that look.  It’s not like it makes any literal sense...just strikes me somewhere low in my gut.”  He took the closer foot, the left and began to rub it down.

After Jim explained himself however, Khan didn't look wild at all, but radiant. Khan had needed Jim to say something nice to him like that. It wasn't a matter of stroking his ego, it was more a matter of offering the augment some reassurance, that even with everything pertaining to his pregnancy, Jim was still attracted to him, and still saw who he was underneath everything else. "Ah-" Khan purred, finding great pleasure in the massage he was receiving, too.

Jim chuckled to himself and began to work his fingers into the bottom of Khan’s foot, starting at the heel.  “I’m not sure if you’re just pleased with the massage or my explanation or both, but I thank you anyway,” he said.  “It’s always better when you’re making happy noise instead of grumpy ones at me.”  He made little circles right over the middle of his strong heel.

Slumping back, Khan watched Jim through heavily lidded eyes. Though he intended to reciprocate the gesture by massaging Jim's feet at the same time, all thoughts of such things slipped out of his mind as the massage soothed the tired aches he hadn't even noticed, until now that they were being worked away. Letting out a slow sigh, the pleased noise Khan made resembled that of a balloon with a small puncture, leaking air. "Yes ... very happy," he said, briefly entertaining the idea of sitting just like this, with Jim massaging his feet for the remaining two months of his pregnancy. 

Khan’s happiness made Jim happy, so he found himself grinning like a fool as he skillfully manipulated the flesh beneath his fingers.  “You’re making ridiculous noises, you know,” he said, with a flick of his eyes from Khan’s foot to his face.  “I wonder if I can make them any louder.”  He dug into a bit of recalcitrant flesh and added a bit more warm oil to the mix.  “Wouldn’t mind if you got even happier while I was doing this.  Like a lot happier.”  He moved one of his own neglected feet to teasingly press at Khan’s groin.

Instead of resisting the feeling, Khan just groaned openly, lips parted and head tipped back slightly on his shoulders. "Jim...evil," he said, clearly very pleased. His cock definitely twitched under the light pressure of Jim's foot, and his thighs began to part, inviting the sensation. "Would you like to see me get off, while you massage my feet?"

“In or out of your pants?” Jim asked, which was an answer in and of itself.  Cause he wasn’t stupid enough to pass up that kind of opportunity.  His foot wriggled most skilfully into the additional space now provided by Khan’s spreading thighs.  Glad for the ability to multi-task so effectively, he massaged Khan’s cock with his toes and his foot with his fingers.  And found himself growing hard in his own pants.

"I think this is a good start," Khan said, twisting his upper body as he reached for the large body pillow. Then stuffing it behind his back, Khan settled to recline in such a way that kept him from laying down completely, so it allowed him to keep his eyes on Jim and watch what he was up to. But with his back supported like this, Khan could relax even further. Just lay there and take it, the deep massage of his feet and the erotic rubbing against his crotch. "What would you like to see, Jim?"

“Whatever you want to show me,” Jim said, “just as long as it’s you enjoying yourself.  Cause that’s the point of this.”  He skimmed his toes up and down the length of Khan’s cock, mimicking the way his fingers now trailed the breadth of Khan’s foot from the top of his big toe to the very bottom of his heel.  “Though you might get more stimulation outside your pants.  And your cock is something to be treasured.”

Khan hummed pleasantly at this, again, allowing his eyelids to drop, something like a happy cat in the sun. Though he reached down and pressed his hand to the top of Jim's foot, just rubbing his hand over the thin skin over the bones of his foot. With his hand there, Khan pushed back slightly, rubbing himself against Jim's trapped foot. It did feel good like this, so Khan kept his pants on for a while longer, letting Jim feel his growing erection through the fabric of his stretchy pants.

Building himself up like this, Khan moaned and began to writhe in place. Plenty hard, but knowing he wouldn't be able to get off completely like this, Khan lifted his hips and began to push his pants down from off his hips. "Help me out of this, Jim." He said, looking to Jim to help pull at the end closest to his ankles.

Jim had been enjoying the way Khan just used his foot and made a noise of displeasure when he stopped.  But removing his lover’s pants was completely something he could get behind, so he stopped the massage to remove the leisurewear.  His foot instantly found the now exposed erection, rubbing over the leaky head.  “You’re already wet,” he said with smug satisfaction.  “And that’s just my foot.”  He did not have precision control of his toes, but enough to scrape the nail of his big toe down the underside and along the big vein.  “Can’t wait to see you get off.” 

 

However, he stilled his own foot for the moment and concentrated on massaging Khan’s foot.  He put both hands on the outside of his ankles, thumbs on each of his malleoluses.  He made gentle clockwise movements with them, knowing this spot linked pleasurably to a male’s cock.

"I like it-" Khan said. Now that he was free of his pants, he pressed his hand against the top of Jim's foot as before, using the arch of his foot to rub against with slow rolls of his hips. The feeling really was leaving him quite wet in fact, dripping out of the head, transparent and slick, which began to get rubbed along his length the more he rubbed himself against Jim like this. He groaned deeply a moment, pausing his his own efforts as his own toes curled and relaxed in pleasure. Doing something like this had never before occurred to Khan as something he would enjoy, but it actually felt amazing and was definitely something he could get off on. "Jim- that's good-" Khan purred deeply, thighs parting again as he purposefully squished and rubbed his balls against the heel of Jim's foot.

“Oh, so you don’t need anything but my foot than to turn you on?” Jim asked with a cheeky smile.  “So, can I just go to sleep then?  Just let you manipulate my foot and get off that way.”  He wiggled his foot in circles as Khan moved it up and down, trying to add his own stimulus.  Along with this, he worked each toe tenderly with his fingers, tugging lightly one at a time and then rotating them with careful attention.  “I guess I’ll just keep doing this and let you have your fun.”

"Jim?" Khan frowned, no longer keeping the pressure on the top of Jim's foot Instead, his fingers lightly touched the joint of his ankle. "You think I am using you?" Khan curled his toes in again, but this time it was not with pleasure. This time he did it consciously so that the surface area of his foot was difficult to touch. Then pulling his foot, out of Jim's hands, Khan sat up from the pillow that had been supporting his back. "I do not understand."

“Noonien,” Jim said helplessly and followed after him to the other side, wanting to press shoulder-to-shoulder, “I was kidding.  Beyond that, I was being playful.  I was trying to project that so it would be obvious.”  He just barely refrained from face-palming at being misunderstood yet again.  “There was nothing to understand, except that I was joking.  I enjoyed what you were doing.  Enjoyed that you could come that way.”  He reached out to lightly stroke Khan’s face with the back of one hand, touch tender.  “Yeah?” 

Khan frowned at himself. Jim probably had been obvious. He had said everything with a smile. And seemed relaxed. But Khan had reacted quite suddenly to the idea that he was somehow taking advantage of Jim, using him, something in which Jim got no pleasure out of. And Khan had found it instantly distressing. "Yes, I am sorry." The pregnant, hormonal, and apologetic looking augment pressed a hand to Jim's thigh, touching in return for a quiet minute before he leaned in and brushed their lips together. Softly at first, then for a longer, sweeter kiss.

Jim eagerly met the kiss and continued to caress Khan’s face lovingly, touch very gentle.  He did not press to deepen the contact between their mouths, but used it as a means of conveying emotion more than lust.  These were new types of kisses to Jim Kirk and unique only to his relationship with Khan.  “Thank you for caring that much about me,” he said when the need for breath parted them.  “I’ll try to remember not to tease about that particular topic.  I definitely don’t want to upset you.  Honestly, I was having a great time, Noonien.  I love it when you let go and allow yourself to feel and express your pleasure so completely.  It’s a stroke to my ego, too.”

After the kiss and the reassuring words, Khan smiled a little, starting to allow himself to relax again. "Perhaps we could try again?" he suggested, after another kiss. "Is that alright?" As he asked this question, Khan kept their faces close as hips lips lingered, sucking Jim on his lower lip. Now that he was comfortable again, he began to introduce the sexual play once more.

“Go back to what we were doing before or try something new?” Jim asked.  “I’m happy either way, but doesn’t your other foot need some love, too?”  He was glad that Khan had recovered from his distress so quickly.  It wasn’t always easy to pull the older man back when he got truly upset about something.  Especially now.  “It’s not all slick and relaxed like you first foot.  And I didn’t even finish with that one!”

Khan smiled again, the expression, which had been forced for years, came naturally the longer his life entwined with Jim Kirk's. "For the sake of fairness, then. You should probably work on my other foot," Khan said, pressing the side of his face to Jim's temple, nuzzling there with a pleasant sound before moving back into a comfortable position on the bed.

Jim nodded firm agreement and eased himself back to his previous position, carefully putting his foot back into Khan’s range.  He would happily have the other man use it again for some erotic stimulation.  His toes even wiggled invitingly for his lover to notice.  After all, his feet wanted their due attention, too.

Picking up the oil, he reanointed his hands and warmed the liquid, before returning to his previous task.  He made a fist and pressed into the arch of Khan’s foot, working to relieve any last little knots and aches.  “How is that?”

"Oh," Khan sighed, "lovely." For a moment, the pregnant augment just sat and basked, until the massage began to relax him in other ways. Reaching for Jim's foot, Khan lifted it by supporting the heel and arch, then placed it on top of his thigh, rather then between. There, close to the overhang of his belly and well within reach, Khan began to rub the arch of his foot with thumb and knuckle.

Jim groaned at the sudden sensations coming from his foot and looked at Khan through hooded eyes.  “Oil?” he asked, offering one of the vials with his free hand.  “Please?  It’ll just make it feel all the better and if you go back to your previous activity, make the movements all the smoother.”  He wiggled his toes again pleadingly and then moaned in a deeper register as Khan struck a place that seemed hardwired to his cock.  “Fuck.”

Accepting the oil, Khan lightly worked it between his fingers, then applied it to massage Jim's foot. It did make things smoother, as working one joint easily slipped into working another. The transitions were flawless, as after a few minutes, Khan began to massage the flesh of Jim's foot, using the side of both thumbs to press, then smooth out in opposite directions. "This was a good idea, Jim," Khan said, barely managing to finish his sentence before groaning again as well. 

“All my ideas are good,” Jim said with a patented cocky grin, which he maintained for only a second before another wave of pleasure made him shiver and groan.  He returned his attention to Khan’s feet with renewed vigor, wanting to make sure the experience remained shared.  He set aside the left foot and transitioned to the right, started with broad strokes all over to spread the oil around.  "I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

"Yes, very much." Khan said, eyelids lightly closing. Though he still managed to handle Jim's foot with precision and methodical movements, even with his eyes closed. "I hope, this pleasure still might be offered, even when I am no longer pregnant." He said, knowing that Jim was going out of his way for a lot of the things he did to ensure Khan was comfortable and happy. But some of these indulgences, the augment was beginning to become quite fond of, and did not want them to end.

“I’m sure we can work out some sort of arrangement,” Jim said with a low, delighted chuckle, “if you really want.”  He began his extensive routine of taking all of the stress and aches out of Khan’s beleaguered foot.  Even for an augment, bearing so much sudden weight took its toll on the overworked feet.  His fingers worked the tender ankle, making little circles and just easing it back to comfort.  “I look forward to it even.  Of course, the baby’s going to take up a lot of our free time, as well as making sleeping through the night a bit more difficult.  So, we’re going to have to take that into account.”

"Good." Khan watched attentively to the way Jim massaged his foot and began to mimic some of the movements, gently manipulating the joint around the ankle. Even so, he was often distracted by his own pleasure, sighing with great relief as his feet, the foundation of his very solid body, were worked down until the muscle and nerves were tingling pleasantly.  Khan was starting to feel very good in other ways now too, as his erection began to plump back up again, ready again for the attention it has lost.

"Yes, I understand." Privacy would be rare, maybe even impossible for a time. So, they would have to enjoy their private moments, while they could. With a gentle pull to each toe joint, some of them even managed a soft crack or pop. And while Jim was still treating his own foot with care, Khan had other plans for the foot on his thigh. Rubbing the palms and fingers of both hands over the top of Jim's foot, as if he were petting it, Khan then lifted it again and set it on the blankets between his legs. Then lifting himself up a little and scooting forward to make up the difference, Khan sat back down in such a way that his balls and the heavy underside of his cock rested on the top of Jim's bare foot. Sitting like this, Khan supported Jim by the ankle, once more trapping his foot, though in a new way. 

Jim glanced back at Khan when his foot was moved back to rest between strong legs and against a still interested cock.  “My poor Noonien,” he purred, “is your cock feeling a bit achey from being neglected for so long?”  He eased his foot around as much as he could from where it was held.  “I can help you take care of that, if you want.”  He deliberately pressed against those places on Khan’s foot that would give him the most intense sensations.  “Tell me what you want from me.  I love hearing you tell me.”  He rubbed a thumb over the ball of Khan’s right foot.

The groan Jim managed to solicit was low and drawn out. Khan licked his lower lip, sucking on the remaining impression of their kiss from earlier. Using his left hand, Khan began to play with his own cock, rubbing some of the excess oil over the skin. "Keep pressing that spot on my foot, the feeling is extraordinary," he said, beginning to stroke the new rush of blood and nerves. "I want you to watch me, Jim. I want to stroke myself and rub against your foot. And if your fingers get tired, I want you to place my foot so that my toes can feel you through the fabric of your pants."

“Oooh, you seem to have an extra foot handy for that anyway,” Jim said with wicked relish.  He moved said foot from it’s current position to between his legs and shifted forward until his length (still inside his pants and underwear) pressed against the underside of Khan’s appendage.  “There.  Now, I can do both things at once.  Do feel free to explore with your toes, if you like.”  He winked playfully at Khan and returned the attentions to the foot being massaged.  As requested, he worked all of the most sensitive spots, wanting to give Khan his extraordinary.  “And now that I have that down…”  He lifted his eyes to watch Khan intently, eager for whatever show his lover chose to give him.

The massage stimulated Khan in new ways or ones that were seldom explored. As the erotic bliss that started in his foot, traveled throughout his body, existing all at once, from a sweet spot just behind his hips, to the surface of his hot skin. Khan moaned as he rubbed against Jim's foot, masturbating with ease, finding great satisfaction in having Jim watch him. And the way Khan pressed his fingers into Jim's ankle resembled the same touch Khan might use while eagerly pressing his fingers into the back of Jim's neck when his lover would suck him off. "Yes-" Khan groaned deeply, his toes curling firmly against the warm bulge in Jim's pants. "Very good," he said, hips starting to roll as he drew himself closer to a quick release. 

Jim shifted his own hips a little, unable not to respond to the multitude of sensations from the current situation.  His eyes watched Khan’s cock slide over the length of his foot, slick now with precome and oil, and Khan’s face as it registered rictures of delight.  His sense of touch felt the way Khan kneaded at his foot, even as the warm, velvety and hard cock fucked against the whole underside.  Not to mention the foot pressing against his own cock, which sent fissures of pleasure up to the pit of his stomach, where everything was growing and growing.  Smell added to the build-up, as Khan’s distinctive musk filled their comfy nest.  And oh, yes, sound, ‘cause there was nothing better than the soft and loud noises Khan made as he approached orgasm.  “Come on, Noonien.  Come for me.  I want to see and feel and hear and smell you.  You’re so close.  I can tell.  Show me what you’ve got.”

It was all the encouragement Khan needed, just to push him that much further over. Head tipping back on his shoulders, neck and throat exposed as he gasped in satisfaction, Khan clung to Jim's ankle and to himself. His hips bucked once, but a steady stream of white cum shot out, marking out long strands of white from Jim's knee, down his leg, and over the top of his foot. Meanwhile, the arch of his foot had pressed firmly against Jim's crotch, seeking the heat of his body and the feeling of his hard cock against the underside of his foot and toes. "Yes, Jim...oh, that was good," he said, as a final lingering shudder shot up his back.

“Only good?  Not splendiferous?  Or stupendous?  I must be off my game,” Jim said with a huge grin.  He deliberately overprojected his mirth to make sure Khan knew he was kidding.  “I have to say watching you was almost overpowering.  You’re fucking beautiful, Noonien, especially when you’re uninhibited like that.  And you made a lovely mess out of us both.”  He scooped up a bit of the release on his leg and shoveled it right into his mouth.  “Mmm.  Last sense to engage.  Taste.  Salty.  And rich.  Delectable.”

If he hadn't been weighted down the way he was, Khan would have moved to get up on on fours and kiss Jim, pin him down and tear off his clothes. But the physical dimensions of doing such things just didn't work like they used to. Instead, Khan had to ask. "Kiss me," he said, finally releasing Jim's foot, fingers absently rubbing his cum into the skin as if it were a massage oil too. Though really it would help kept his scent on Jim for a little longer.

Jim reluctantly moved his foot and released Khan’s, easing forward to sit beside his lover again.  His kiss attempted to answer his lover’s demand, which was heated and forceful.  He knew his augment well enough to realize how frustrating it must be for Khan not to be able to pounce on Jim as he usually did.  But this was just as good to Jim.

“What do you want from me, Noonien?” Jim asked.  “You know I’m up to anything.  Especially for you.”

"I wish I could make love to you, Jim. But in place of that, will you pleasure yourself on the end of a dildo? Are you in the mood for such things?" Khan asked. He spread his right, then left hand over his lover, down his chest and across his hips. "If you sit on your knees, I can kneel behind you and watch and touch your body. Or if you lay down on your back, I can attempt to rub your feet, while you use the toy." Khan suggested. "If you are willing?" 

“Would you like to fuck me with the toy instead?” Jim asked, totally all about Khan’s suggestion.  “I can angle myself so you can reach and touch me, as well as manipulate the dildo the way you like.  Shall I use a vibrating one or no?”  He was already considering his options.  “There’s the big one we haven’t tried yet, with the huge girth.”  He licked his lips and looked to his lover for more guidance.

"Yes, Jim. Are you feeling ambitious? If we use the large one, I want to watch as you use it on yourself first, so that we both know if you are comfortable with it or not. Then I will use it with you. Good?" Khan said, searching Jim's blue eyes.

“I’m always ambitious, Noonien,” Jim said with a wink and a wriggle.  He wriggled himself right out of their nest and to the toybox they now shared.  Choosing one of the slickest lubricants and extracting the giant dildo (made to model a Klingon) with exaggerated care.  He carried his items back to the bed and shucked his clothes, tossing them haphazardly on the floor.  Climbing into the nest, he reformed it behind him and then put the lubricant and dildo in front of Khan for inspection.  “This is what I had in mind.  Will you prepare my ass and then I’ll turn to face you when I insert it and start to fuck myself, so you can see I’m enjoying it? And once you’re sure, you can use it in me?”

"Yes, Jim," Khan said. Reaching for the bottle of lubricant, Khan picked it up and popped the lid all with one hand. "Now then, turn around and bend over for me," Khan said with a smirk. He hoped to give Jim pleasure, but also remain close and a part of the experience, while watching Jim give himself pleasure too. Pouring some of the lubricant over the fingers of his free hand, Khan worked it over the pads, satisfied that it was almost a watery slickness. It would be easy to use and would not dry out, no matter how long it took Khan to prepare Jim for the large dildo. 

Jim smirked right back and made a bit of a show out of presenting himself to his lover.  He had no shame, nor modesty, especially not with Khan, and enjoyed the sensual writhing that ended with him on his hands and knees, head bent to the bed and ass well in the air.  He reached back with both hands to spread himself for Khan’s gaze and touch.  “Please, Noonien, fill me with your fingers and make me feel good,” he crooned.  “I want to fill your fingers deep inside me, forcing me open.”

It was a lovely sight, one of his favourites, to see Jim on his hands and knees, head bowed down, offering himself so willingly. Khan purred easily, leaning forward to kiss Jim on the top of one hand, nuzzling the hard knuckles as he leaned in to enjoy a close look. "Yes, Jim. Certainly," he said. But first, he pressed his slick thumb against the narrow path of skin between Jim's scrotum and his ass. The perineum was a sensitive, but often overlooked area, which Khan stroked slowly, back and forth, taking the time to lubricate and stimulate the entire area. Though as he slid his thumb back up after a few minutes devoted to this action, Khan then pressed the pad of his thumb against the entrance Jim was offering into his young body. In small circles, Khan rubbed the area before starting to push his thumb against the resistance.

“Fucking tease,” Jim rumbled quite happily and pushed back a little into the thumbs that worked at his ass.  His skin got more and more sensitive the longer Khan stimulated it, until he practically thrummed from the constant pleasure being spread outward from those spots.  “Know how to touch me.  Sooooo good.”  He hissed at the first really pressure against his muscle and tried to raise his ass even more to meet and welcome it inside him.  “That’s right, keep going.  Don’t stop.  Want your finger so bad, Noonien.  I feel empty.”

"I don't like that. You should never feel empty, Jim," Khan said, hooking his thumb inside his lover's body. Though it was shorter then the rest of his fingers, it was thicker and gave the muscles there something to work against. 

There was something very real in Khan's response. He wanted Jim to feel like Khan was with him, part of him, all the time. Not just when they made love. He should never feel empty. Khan didn't feel empty. Slowly, then firmly, Khan began to work his thumb into Jim, pushing until the palm of his hand was cupping his backside. Though before his next push, Khan pulled his thumb out, and while Jim was still somewhat relaxed in his position, Khan pressed his pointer and middle finger inside, hugging the digits to one side as they carefully massaged the inner walls of his lover's body. "Better?"

Jim nodded eagerly from his place with his head on his arms, looking to the side and up to see at least part of Khan.  “Yes, that’s nice, Noonien.  Having a piece of you inside me.”  His body opened quite willingly to the skilled fingers of Khan’s hand.  Both of them knew each other’s bodies very well, and they enjoyed each other so much that things were easy for them.  He nearly purred at the attention, the care that Khan took in opening him, even though it would be for a toy and not Khan’s cock.  His words to Khan were true, right now he wanted something long and thick pressed inside his ass.  “So much better.  But more.  Want more.”  He wiggled his body to let the fingers move inside him.  “Please.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said with a warm purr, pleased to follow these instructions. His fingers began to press down, making room against the warm, inner flesh. Then using the same two fingers, Khan began to work them into his body, pushing, pressing, reaching. And for a moment, Khan closed his eyes and imagined for a moment how it would feel if something more intimate was pressed inside his lover like this. "Very good," he said, the purr still in his voice. But as Jim's cock and balls hung between his spread open thighs, Khan could not help but to reach for them with his free hand, stroking his length downward lightly before playing and rubbing at his balls. 

Jim whined at the touch to his balls and cock, which had been hard since he and Khan started to really play during the foot massage, so that he was closer than he might want to admit.  Gritting his teeth, he backed himself down a little with sheer willpower, determined to make this last.  “Like what you’ve got in your hand?” he asked, as Khan cupped his balls.  “They really want to explode.  You’ve made me so hard.”  He shut his eyes and tightened his inner walls around the fingers still working into his ass.  “How deep can you get your fingers?”

"Yes, Jim, I do," Khan said, keeping his fingers pressed into Jim's ass while he leaned forward and bent his head down to kiss the balls in his hand, nose nuzzling at the soft hairs. "But I won't push you to come, now, Jim. Your body will be too wired, too sensitive for the dildo after. So-" with that said, Khan let his hand fall away, though he did offer one more kiss, but this time to the round left-cheek of his lover's ass.

“Mmm, shall I make the dildo ready?  Or will you?”  Jim asked and picked up the weighty object.  He offered it back to Khan and waved it around playfully.  “Means taking your hand out of me, but that will let me reposition a little.”  He shifted up to his knees, legs spread wide apart so he could manipulate the object inside him, once it was ready, and still give his lover a show.  This movement pressed Khan’s fingers against his walls at a new angle, making him grunt softly in appreciation.  “Your hands...a national treasure.  International.  Probably universal.”

Khan laughed, which was really a series of soundless, short escapes of breath. Jim could be so absurd. So wonderfully ridiculous. With a few shallow thrusts, Khan pulled his fingers out over his lover, though allowed his fingers to linger, playing with the outside rim. It was incredibly slick and almost soft. And Khan unintentionally whined softly, unable to pursue the urge of making love to Jim himself. Taking the dildo, Khan began to lather it with the lube, using both fingers and the palm of his hand to make is slick and practicing with a tight grip at how well it would slid against resistance. 

Jim glanced back at the whine, a soft frown marring a face that was otherwise rapt.  “What’s wrong, Noonien?”  He hated to think that something was distressing his lover at this moment of closeness and pleasure.  “Is there something I can do?”  In the moments, his own needs were forgotten, focus solely on Khan, trying to determine what might be causing him upset.  He couldn’t think of anything he’d done to mar the moment, but it was true that he still unintentionally caused pain.  Their small trial of but a short time ago was full proof of that.

Surprised by this request, but turned on by the smell of Jim's cum and the eager, needy noises he had made, Khan obeyed. With a firm hold of the dildo once more, Khan let it slide out a little, before pushing it back in. He gave Jim a nice steady fuck. "Good, Jim. You are so good," Khan said with a purr, free hand sliding back up Jim's back, fingers lightly digging in as they pulled at the skin across his spine and down over his hip again. It was a very gentle mauling, that left no scratch marks, but instead was a means to keep Jim stimulated, so that there was more to focus on other then the wild nerves shooting out from constantly stimulating his prostate. 

“Noonien,” Jim whimpered, very much over stimulated but riding the waves like a pro, “are you hard?  Do you want to come on me?”  His skin prickled wherever Khan scratched, the sensation pleasant against the pounding of his prostate.  And incredibly, his cock was twitching a bit in interest, trying to fill against human endurance.  “Fuck.  Ow.  Don’t stop. Going just overwhelm myself a little.”

"Yes, Jim. I am very hard right now," Khan said, watching Jim carefully. With a gentle push, Khan made sure the dildo was well slotted into his lover as he pulled his hand away. And though it started to slip out a little, for now it wouldn't fall out on its own. With both hands, Khan lightly petted the round cheeks of Jim's ass, then rested comfortably on his hips. "Keep still for me, Jim. And just relax." Though using his hips for support, Khan pushed himself up to stand. He wouldn't be able to come against Jim sitting the way he was. But once his feet were planted and his weight balanced on the uneven surface, Khan reached down and began to stroke himself with one hand, while lightly tugging at his balls with the other.

Jim kept very still to prevent potentially overbalancing his pregnant love and to present the perfect target.  His insides trembled with anticipation, as this was one of his favorite ways of being marked by Khan.  And his ass worked around the firm dildo, unable not to clench and release, clench and release, on the intruder.  “Want your release all over my back, dripping off the sides,” he said eagerly.  “Empty out your balls all over my, Noonien.  I want to smell like you.”

For a moment, Khan began to shift his weight to pick up one foot. He wanted to press his foot against the base of the dildo and stand there like that, with Jim on all fours and his foot keeping the dildo stuffed inside his lover. But the surface was too soft, too uneven to risk it, though it was something Khan would have done had he not been carrying the extra weight and life of their baby. "Yes, Jim-" Khan said, placing a firm grip on the underside of his shaft, two fingers stroking the thick vein there. Soon enough, the augment was groaning and half growling before he started to come. One initial shot stretched out across Jim's back in a long white ribbon, followed by two more, and then Khan was just spilling himself out, dripping over the small of Jim's back and down between his ass cheeks, over the base of the large dildo and across the back of his thighs. It was deeply satisfying and all Khan could do at the end was grunt and sigh in relief.

Had Jim known about that first plan, he would have drooled all over himself, but the end result was pretty damn good anyway. He felt the hot ropes striping over his skin, getting everywhere, and arched prettily to catch it all.  The dildo shifted minutely inside him, and he whined again, as this time, his cock did manage to catch and fill a bit.  It was still early after his last release, so the sensation was on the knife edge of unpleasant.  But so worth it, as more and more of Khan’s semen splattered over his back and ass.  “So virile,” he praised, simply from the copious amounts of fluid he could trace going everywhere.  “My augmented stud.”

Khan chuckled at this after a breath. "You enjoy it, don't you? Being showered with my seed?" he asked, pressing a hand to Jim's hip for support as he lowered himself back down. Khan's creator had probably intended that the favoured augment breed with as many women as possible, which meant being extremely virile, so that pregnancy was guaranteed, and also quick to recover after his release so that he could make love to another partner almost immediately. But in many regards, Khan hadn't quite been what his creator had intended. As among his rebellion to his engineering, Khan wished for only one lover, one partner, now or ever. 

Jim Kirk.

And Jim was quite content to reap the benefits of Khan’s design, including in bed.  The virility made Khan one of the few lovers who could keep up with (and surpass) Jim’s own libido.  And they were both willing to try many new and different things together, trusting that there would be respect for each person’s personal limits.  Jim never feared for his well being in bed with Khan, even at the augment’s most feral moments.

“Fucking love it,” Jim agreed and arched and twirled to spread the seed as far as it could go over his skin.  “Push some of it inside me with the dildo?” he asked. 

Khan purred, petting his hand over Jim's left ass cheek, spreading some of the slick around before Jim gave him further instruction. Pulling at the base of the dildo, Khan slid it out carefully, never rushing the muscles that were contracted around the object. Once it was half way out, Khan began to finger at a few lines of wet semen already near the crack of his ass, which he pushed and coaxed to drip down onto the dildo. "There, now," Khan said, starting to ease it back inside Jim.

“Perfect,” Jim said and pushed back to take it in faster.  “Now, you can be inside me, too, even when you can’t.  Fuck it into me, Noonien, just like it was your cock.  I’m ready.  I can take it.  And I want you as deep as possible.”  He displayed himself even more, so Khan could see that he’d gotten hard again.  “You’re the most potent aphrodisiac.  Don’t need to be a teenager or on drugs, just have you as a lover.”

"Oh, Jim-" Khan said fondly. He bowed his head down and gave his lover a kiss to the small of his back as he attempted to scoot forward. With his right hand, Khan reached under and between Jim's parted thighs to palm his cock, hard once more and warm in his hand. Though Khan made no attempt to stroke him off, but instead just held him like his, enjoying the firm muscle against his fingers and the palm of his hand. Then with his left, Khan began to push the dildo into his lover, starting to fuck him again, this time with some essence of himself in the mix of natural body fluids and the lubricant. 

Jim rocked back eagerly to meet each thrust, which had the added bonus of moving him through the hand that just gripped his cock.  He whined a little at the dryness of that contact and asked, “Put some lube on your hand?  Let me use it?”  He glanced over his shoulder pleadingly, though his body never stopped moving in time with the eager dildo fucking his ass.  And it was rubbing all over the same spot inside him, the sensations now firmly back on the side of pleasure and building him up again.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said, his hand falling away to seek out the bottle of lube on the bed. He paused in his efforts with the dildo for a moment as he poured some of the lube onto his hand. With this new wetness, Khan pressed the palm of his hand back against Jim's cock so that some of it would wipe off on him. "All yours," he said, then started to work the dildo into his lovely ass once more, marvelling at how well Jim had opened up in the end and that he was managing to take the exceptional size for quite a long time.

With the hand at his cock and the dildo being so expertly used in his ass, Jim strove for a second (and final) climax.  He put his entire body into the effort, determined to make this as explosive an orgasm as possible.  The huge girth seemed to stretch his somewhat abused ass even further, but this just drove him onward.  “Faster, Noonien.  Deeper.”  He didn’t even know if that were possible as he asked, and they were the last real words he got out thereafter.  His language descended into meaningless syllables, long moans, low grunts and the occasional near scream on a really good thrust.  His balls tightened more and more, until with a real, wild yell of triumph, he spurted all over everything.  Darkness spread before his eyeballs and without a final sound, his arms collapsed and deposited him flat on the bed.

Khan remained encouraging the entire time, entranced by Jim, the beautiful sounds he was making, which included the slightly wild scream of pleasure. Jim needed this, and Khan was devoted to the process. As Jim collapsed with gratification, Khan manipulated his lip body, laying him out on his side, while Khan attempted to lay close behind him, the swell of his belly resting firmly against the small of Jim's back. In this state, Khan spoke soothingly, even if Jim's brain was not conscious to hear them. While his hands moved carefully over hot patches of skin, palming the front of his chest and petting the sweat through his short hair. 

It took a few moments for Jim to come out of his daze, but when he did, his first movement was to reach back and carefully remove the dildo from his tender buttocks.  He gritted his teeth on a low moan of displeasure as it popped fully free and then just tossed it into one of the messier patches of the nest, not near either of them.  “Urgh,” he muttered and just relaxed back into the covers.  “You killed me,” he said.  “My brains all just melted.”  The soft words Khan muttered drew his attention, and he shifted to feel more of his lover pressed against him.  Which was a bit more difficult with Khan’s new protrusion.

"I hope not." Khan said softly, kissing Jim on the back of the neck. He sighed heavily, his breath cool in comparison to the hot body of his lover. "My Jim," he said, doing his best to embrace Jim from behind, holding him, caring for him as he pulled himself out of his dazed state. "Relax, Jim," Khan said, pressing his nose to the hairs on the back of his head, kissing him again. 

“Relaxing,” Jim said, content to obey that order.  “Are you comfortable, Noonien?”  He was just alert enough to realize that his lover may not be in this position, given his current condition.  “Cause we can lay however is best for you.”  His words were slurring together, as he fought to stay awake long enough to determine Khan’s comfort.

"Yes, Jim," Khan said softly. "I miss holding you like this," he added. The embrace wasn't one he would be able to manage over the course of the night, but to satisfy a need, Khan would remain with his arms around Jim, holding him from behind for as long as he could. "I love you, Jim," he said, pressing his forehead to the back of Jim's shoulder, tucking against him as best as he would be able to manage under the circumstances. "Go to sleep."

“Love you, Noonien,” Jim murmured back and allowed his eyes to snap shut the way they wanted.  He drifted in contented bliss for a few minutes, savoring the closeness of his lover, the way he was being held in the moment.  And as the feeling grew, he went seamlessly from drifting to full sleep and pleasant dreams.


	20. Chapter 20

Soothing music overlaid with birdsong and a light rain shower was softly spilling from the speaker system in the medical bay. The sounds were barely audible, but for the augment, it was a clear enough distraction from the electronic instruments and professional exchanges between nurse and doctor. Covered in a blue blanket on the surgical bio-bed, Khan closed his eyes several times, playing over in his head every step of the surgery. Though he would be unconscious for the procedure, Khan drew comfort in knowing what was going to happen to him. He was at the mercy of his new family, as was the baby.

"Jim?" Khan called to him, head turned to the side, wanting to see him again, while he still could.

Jim instantly came forward, checking with a glance at Bones that there was still time, and took Khan’s hand.  “I’m here, Noonien,” he said so only his lover could hear.  He studied his face carefully, looking for any sign of the nervousness he himself felt.  Finding none, he smiled warmly at his lover and lifted Khan’s knuckles to his mouth for a light kiss.  “Is there something I can do for you ... before our child is brought into this universe?”  His eyes misted over a little, but he refused to wiped them away.

In the background, Bones bustled about with Chapel, doing a final check that everything was ready.  Putting Khan under and combatting his advanced healing for long enough to operate were two of the challenges they’d had to overcome to get to this place.  But they were about ready now, so the time for the lovers was growing short.

"No, Jim." Khan said with a smile. "I just want you to hear it from my own lips. I will be alright. I am safe. I am happy. And I love you." The words were said with some relief, wanting them said before he went under. He wouldn't be able to comfort Jim for a few hours, he wouldn't be able to do anything at all, in fact. "Are you going to be alright?"

Jim nodded and said as clearly as he could manage,” I love you, too, Noonien.  And I’ll be fine as soon as you’re awake and holding our baby in your arms.  I can’t wait to see you feed the baby for the first time, too.  Please forgive me if I worry until then.  I’ll be pacing the hallway just outside like any good father-to-be of the past.”  He leaned in to kiss Khan tenderly.

The words were bliss to his ears. Jim had managed to be a little more free with the use of the word 'love' in the last two months. And every time, it helped heal any insecurities the augment had. "Yes, Jim." Khan said, turning his fingers so that he could hold Jim by the hand in return for these final few moments. "Soon." He said, laying his head back as he endured a slight pain. The baby wanting out, with no actual way to manage it on its own.

Bones came over with a warm smile for the two of them, a change from his normal grumpy expression.  But today was worth celebrating, and he couldn’t look grumpy for anything.  “We’re ready now.  You’ll have to be heading out now, Jim.”  He patted his best friend’s right shoulder and then squeezed it once. “I’ll give you two minutes for a final kiss.”  He walked off to sanitize his hands and arms just before operation.

Jim looked back at Khan and said, “I’ll see you in a few hours, with our baby.  We’ll be waiting impatiently for you to wake up.”  He leaned in for another kiss and then pressed their foreheads together for a long moment.  “Can’t believe this day is here.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said in quiet agreement. He nodded once while their foreheads remained pressed together. Though two minutes passed quickly, and soon Khan had to let go of Jim's hand as the bio-bed attempted to close, sealing the augment in the sterile environment. The sensation was very similar to being put into one of the sleeper pods. Over a year ago, Khan would have feared being put under like this, at the mercy of the enemy, of strangers. But today, his vitals showed no stress of the enclosed space, while his eyes locked on Doctor McCoy, awaiting his final word that they would begin.

Bones nodded a farewell to Jim and said, “We’ll take good care of them both, Jim.  Promise.  Go on now.  I’ll comm you when you can come back in.”  

With a last look and a blown kiss to his lover, Jim exited and then indeed began to pace up and down, unable to sit still.  He didn’t tire for the hour and a half that the operation took, just going up and down, back and forth, until Nurse Chapel opened the doors to the operating room and gestured Jim in.  “Everything went well,” she reassured him, as he hustled toward her.  “Dr. McCoy has someone to introduce you to.”

“Thank you, Nurse Chapel,” Jim whispered, voice hushed, as he entered the room.  His eyes went first to Khan, who lay still, but well-looking, on the bio bed.  And then Bones was in front of him, holding out a small bundle.

“Congratulations, Jim,” Bones said.  “It’s a healthy little girl.”

Jim accepted the tiny life almost automatically and looked down into the face of his daughter for the first time.  “Oh, she’s beautiful,” he choked out, before his eyes clouded too much for him to see well.  But he already knew her dark brown eyes, fuzz of dark hair and the darker tone of her skin.  “She looks completely like her father, as he should look.”  He got the words out through the a clogged throat and then leaned in to kiss her forehead.  “How long until Khan gets to see her?”

“An hour or so,” Bones said.  “I take it you want to sit with him until he wakes up.”

“Please,” Jim said, still staring down at his daughter with huge, wet eyes, but sparing a hopeful glance at his best friend.

“Yeah, you can stay, Jim,” Bones said and pointed to a chair he’d already set-up.  “She should be fine until Khan is ready to feed her.”

“Thank you, Bones,” Jim said, so, so grateful for this miracle in his arms.

“Go on, then,” Bones said gruffly and gestured him to the chair.  “Papa.”

Jim flushed with pleasure and moved slowly, fearing to go too fast with his precious cargo.  He settled himself in the chair and alternated between staring at his lover and staring at his daughter as he waited for Khan to wake up.  

The baby offered no screams or cries as she was held in her father's arms. But she did give a stretch of her arms and legs, all at once, making her small limbs all go rigid for a few seconds at a time while she enjoyed the freedom of so much space. She sighed, seemingly quite content and satisfied with life outside the womb so far.

Khan however laid unconscious nearby, his vitals steadily beeping on the monitor beside the bio-bed. The procedure had been successful, but his body needed some time to heal, to return to its former state now that it was no longer carrying another life within. With his head lulled to the side, eyes closed and breathing softly, Khan had survived the trust he placed in his new family.

“You’re so quiet, baby,” Jim murmured to his infant daughter and reached into the blanket that swaddled her to gently stroke her cheek, smiling at the softness of her skin.  “I doubt that will last for long.  How can it, with us as your parents?”  He kissed her forehead again and felt a tear drip down his cheek and on to her blanket.  “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m really a dad.  And I’m crying about it.  Dammit.”  He blinked a few times and glanced guiltily at his daughter.  “Don’t pick up my language.”

The baby girl squirmed again, this time with a soft "Eh." Sounds were interesting. And the sounds that were directed at her right now were coming from one source. And just like that, the baby girl lifted her gaze and just stared at Jim, completely alert and focused on his existence. These were the eyes of a child that understood the person holding her was important. As new to the universe as she was, she was already showing signs of deep intelligence as she spent the next twenty minutes taking in the sight of Jim, her father, listening to his voice, taking in the new experience of lights and sounds and touches that had not existed for the last nine months.

Startled by the awareness in such young eyes, Jim’s face cracked into a huge smile, despite the still leaking tears.  “Oh.  Oh, look at you, baby.  You’re going to be quite a handful for your parents, aren’t you?  That’s your father’s fault, you know.  His darn augmented genes.”  He just kept talking to her as she stared at him with her beautiful brown eyes.  “I bet those were Khan’s eyes before he was altered.  Listen, baby, you may not look much like us, but you’re all yours.  You hear?”  He kissed her again.

In time, the technology which tracked Khan's well-being momentarily sounded as a shift in his state was noted on the screen. Struggling against his unconscious state, Khan managed to lift his head, but not open his eyes straight away. He worked his tongue in his mouth, which felt dry. After a minute of pressing his tongue against the back of his teeth, Khan managed to open his mouth. He sighed, slowly blinking, fighting the heaviness in his eyelids, looking for Jim. Looking for their baby. "Jim?"

“Noonien,” Jim said happily and leaned in to catch Khan’s eyes, “I’m here.  We’re here.”  He angled the bundle so Khan could see.  “Meet our daughter.  She’s beautiful ... and I think she looks just like you ... before.”  He scooted closer so that Khan could see her better.  “Would you like to hold her, Noonien?  I think she’d like to meet you, too.  She’s already so alert.  It’s amazing ... she’s amazing ... you’re amazing.  Fuck, I’m going to cry again.”  He shut his eyes against more wetness, but it trickled down his cheeks.    

Khan opened his arms to accept the baby against his chest. And the instant she was in his arms, Khan was crying too. She looked like him. She looked like, who he really was. A pain that Khan had been carrying, was suddenly lifted. He had difficulty seeing himself in the mirror. But he could see himself in her. It was a relief. She had rebelled against Khan's alterations. She was not bound to his state, that represented so much suffering and sorrow.

The baby girl changed her focus now that she was in the arms of someone new. Yes, this was a different person. He was interesting to look at too. But she called out to him with a little squeak. This new man was quiet and did not talk as much as the first. _Talk. You._

"Hello." Khan said, petting his thumb over her head.

Jim smiled and reached out to gently wipe away some of Khan’s tears, even though his own were still leaking, too.  “She’s amazing, Noonien.  Our little girl.”  He kissed his baby’s cheek and then his lover’s forehead.  “Just like her father.  I can’t believe she grew inside you.”  He placed a tender hand on Khan’s middle.  “How are you feeling?  Is there anything I can get you?”  He wondered if he should call for Bones, but figured his friend was closely monitoring the situation and would come if needed.

"Still drowsy, but I am coming out of it." Khan glowed, looking up between Jim and then down to the child in his arms. "She is finally here. We get to finally meet her. Our daughter." Khan could support her entire body with one arm and hand at the back of her head, but still used his other arm to hold her close, touching her and watching her with complete fascination. "My name is Noonien, little one. And this is Jim. We are your family."

“We’re your parents,” Jim corrected softly.  “Everyone on this ship is your family.  Your godfather delivered you.  His name is Leonard ... but you’re going to call him Uncle Bones.  He’ll love that.  And you have an Uncle Spock and an Auntie Uhura. Scotty is your crazy uncle and black sheep.  I think Sulu and Chekov are your illegitimate first cousins.  But everyone’s part of the family.  And they’ll all love and take care of you, as is your right.”  He beamed at her and looked to Noonien again.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you more radiant, Noonien.”

The baby girl made a few more exaggerated exhales, though couldn't quite manage to make sounds or words, even though she wanted to. But as Jim spoke, she would stare and listen, trying to figure the meaning of his calm and loving tone.

"Thank you, Jim." Khan said, turning his head to the side. "Will you hold her again, while I move to sit up?" He asked, wanting to look himself over and then get into a better position.

“Yeah,” Jim said and carefully scooped up the baby to hold, feeling a bit more nervous this time.  Bones had just thrust her in his arms before he could have time to think about it, but now, he realized he was holding, a tiny, fragile new life, and it was rather terrifying.  “You’re so little,” he murmured to her.  “And yet so big to have been inside your father for so long.”  He touched her face tenderly and continued, “Nobody is ever going to believe you’re my daughter by looking at you.  Hell, I can hardly believe it in general.”  He chuckled lightly and brushed his nose over hers.  

His attention returned to Khan, as the other man began to move.  “Hey, you didn’t tell me before if you needed anything,” he reminded him firmly.

"I want to take a look, that is all." Khan said, lifting the blanket from his middle. The cut that had been made to get the baby out of his body had been well sealed and looked more like an ink line then it did a surgical scar. It would heal and the line would fade in time. Fisting both hands into the firm surface under him, Khan pushed to sit up a little. Now that his internal organs could return to their natural home within his body, Khan felt a little more like himself, though his insides would remain tender for a few days.

Jim wrinkled his nose at Khan and then confided to the baby, “Your father in a pain in the ass, and I give you permission to tell him so when you’re old enough.  He’s all stoic and annoying, even when you know he’s probably needing water or a hand up or something.  And he gets all grumpy when I point it out.”  His eyes darted toward his lover, a grin on his face, huge and shit-eating.

"Hm." Khan huffed at Jim as he began to fiddle with the bed, making it adjust to him in this new position. Reading from the nearby computer console, Khan saw that the surgery had gone well and that he was still on target for the projected healing period. Since his situation was so unique, Khan had agreed with McCoy to remain in the hospital bay for a few days to ensure that no infection developed, that nothing grew back, that shouldn't be there. "I would like a kiss, if you two are done trading secrets."

“It’s not a secret,” Jim told the baby and moved back to the bed at the same time.  “You Father is very clear about his pain-in-the-assedness.”  He leaned in and pecked him on the nose.  “Aren’t you?”  And then before Khan could object, he carefully offered their daughter up for a kiss.  “Princess demands her kiss first.”

Khan placed his hand near the top of her head as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her warm cheek. "My daughter." He said, carefully petting the mess of thick black hairs at the top of her head, then just stared at her. "You were born among the stars, like your Papa, but you are still a child of Earth." He said with a smile that seemed to force another strain of tears out.

“You’re going to have one heck of a childhood,” Jim promised her, as he took a seat by the bed again.  “Out here, among the stars, with a huge family and lots of new places to see.”  He rocked her a little in his arms, before offering her back to Khan.  “Want to try and feed her?  She hasn’t made a peep so far, but I bet a meal wouldn’t go awry.  And if you’re not ready, we can ask Bones for something.”  In truth, he really, really wanted to see if Khan could feed her.

Khan pressed a hand over his own chest, rubbing softly. Though breasts never developed the glands were quite tender. "I can try." He said, knowing that for all mammals, mother's milk was essential in the first few hours of life. Accepting the baby back into his arms, Khan pulled the medical blanket down from across his chest so that the side of her face was pressed against skin, rather then cloth. With his eyes down, on the child and upon himself, Khan tweaked his own nipple as it stood erect. There was a hint of discharge, but before Khan could examine it further, the baby seemed to go for the idea and began to suck. Khan swallowed, sitting stiffly as he watched. Was it working? Then, in less then a minute, a frothy milk began to gather around their daughter's mouth. She was drinking. He had milk to offer her, after all. Pleased and proud of this, Khan looked up suddenly to Jim, wanting him to see what he was seeing.

Jim watched all of this avidly, smiling the instant their baby took the nipple in her mouth for the first time and widening that smile when it became obvious she was getting sustenance there.  “Wow,” he breathed and barely fought down the urge to touch.  “I knew you’d be able to do it.  You’re too good of a parent not to have developed a way to feed your child, too.”  His eyes were tightly crinkled at the corners, all of his laugh lines well exposed.  “And she knows what to do like a pro.  A very hungry pro.”  He glanced up into Noonien’s eyes, his own softening a little.  “What does it feel like?”

Khan was made further proud by Jim's comment. He was a good parent. Even though giving milk was not something he had any control over. "It feels ... good, actually." Khan said after a pause, attempting to describe the sensation. "Relaxing." He said, his gaze shifting from the baby in his arms to Jim. "You will have to try it some time." He said with a knowing look.

“As long as it won’t interfere with having enough for her ... yes, yes, I will,” Jim said.  “I’m admittedly a little jealous of how much you can give her that I can’t.  I wonder if that’s a normal feeling for a father.  I mean, most men can’t carry or feed children.  The bond between mother and child is often the stronger one.”  He lightly fluffed their baby’s shock of dark hair.  “So soft everywhere.”  He moved so he could rest his head near Khan’s on the pillow.  “So, when do we talk about making this official?”

"Do not be jealous, Jim. We are not a traditional couple." Khan had known a strong female presence in his early life, but she had not been a mother, nor a mother figure. And while Jim had a biological mother, his relationship with her was not a good one. So the concept of bonds between mother and child was not really one that applied to them. "You will do your share of feeding, as shall I." Khan wiped some of the excess from her mouth once she stopped suckling and promptly fell asleep in his arms. "I have carried her for the last nine months. Perhaps, you should carry her for the next nine." At least this way, Jim got the benefit of being able to see her when he spoke to her. Khan nuzzled Jim's head, leaning into the feeling of him close by, then paused, turning to catch his eyes better. "What do you mean, making what official?"

“She’s already asleep,” Jim whispered, as he baby just shut her eyes and zonked right out.  But he didn’t try to deflect the topic, now that he’d brought it up.  “Well, it doesn’t really matter in this day and age, but aw Hell, Noonien, I want her to be part of a full legalized family.  It’s not like I’m planning to leave either of you, like I don’t want a commitment to you.  So, let’s make it formal.  Hell, I suck at this.”  He got off the bed and dropped to a knee, taking Khan’s free hand.  “Marry me, Noonien?”

A legal family. With rights. Khan held his breath, eyes darting over Jim as he moved to kneel down beside him. Once it all sank in, Khan squeezed his hand and finally exhaled. "Yes, Jim." The words came naturally and he pulled at Jim's hand, wanting him to get up, off the floor. "Yes, husband." He said with a purr to the term which was new to their vocabulary, but not knew to how Khan had come to perceive Jim during the course of their relationship. "I will marry you."

“Oh, thank fuck,” Jim breathed and then swooped in for a tongue twister of a kiss, one hand buried in Khan’s long hair.  He allowed the contact to linger for as long as possible, before parting their mouths on a smile.  “Now, we have tons to talk about and decide.  But later?  I think I’d like to just sit here and bask on all the good feelings that are currently zinging around in my gut.  And let’s keep this to ourselves for a little?  That way, we can have two huge celebrations.  One for the baby.  And one for the wedding.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, nuzzling the side of his face happily, kissing his cheek a few more times. "Lay down with me." He asked, even though there wasn't much room for two on the bio-bed. It would be a tight fit, but that was what Khan wanted right now, the three of them curled up close together. "And let us give name to our daughter."

“Oh, really, more pressure to perform?” Jim whined, but found a way to lever himself up on the bed, teetering on the side, but determinedly stretched out alongside Khan.  “Did you have a suggestion?  Somewhere to start, at least?”  He touched her tiny face with his index finger and considered all of the options of before, along with what he’d seen from her so far.  “Is she going to have both our last names?  A Singh-Kirk?  Kirk-Singh?”

Yes, Khan had somewhere for them to start. "Pikea Khanija Kirk." Khan said, giving their daughter Jim's family name. Whereas his title as Khan was incorporated to her middle name. And _Pika_. A mouse native to Earth, found in the colder, northern regions of India and the Himalayas. Pikea, a feminine form of Pike, who would be remembered and honoured as an inherent part of their family.

“Pikea,” Jim said fondly and looked at her.  “Our own little rodent.”  And that made him laugh, covering his face and trying to stifle the noise.  “Pikeas are cute,” he said, trying to make up for the comment.  “And I appreciate the name being closed to Pike.  That means a lot to me.  But why do you want her to have my name?  Isn’t a joint name fairer?  Or less stressful?  The name Kirk has a lot of baggage now.  Singh is a strong name.”

"Not a rodent." Khan said in a softly defensive growl. It took Khan a moment to forgive Jim for the comment before he continued. "Your name has a future, Jim. Mine does not. My names are completely artificial. I rather her take your name. As shall I, when we marry." He said, feeling quite at ease with the idea. No one was forcing the name upon him, it was his choice. His identity had evolved into this, rather then be forcibly manipulated.

Jim snickered some more at Khan’s defensive response and shook his head.  “So, I’ve found the person who you’ll truly defend from anyone, including me.  Even against my admittedly terrible joke.”  He nuzzled into Khan’s hair and then sighed a little.  “But you know I’m going to do that, right?  I’m totally going to tease her and call her silly names, and I’m never going to be mean about it.  You have to learn to laugh at yourself, Noonien.  That’s healthy.”

"Yes, Jim." Khan said, leaning to rest their heads together. Quietly, Khan watched the sleeping baby in his arms. She was beautiful, and Khan was grateful that she looked like him. Not that looking like Jim was a problem, but it healed something in his heart to see himself truly represented in her small body. "She reminds me of Earth." He said quietly, his large hand adjusting and supporting her body.

“Pikea Khanija Kirk of Earth ... and the stars,” Jim mused and nodded once in agreement.  “We have a winner.  Why does she remind you of Earth, Noonien?” he asked, hoping it had something to do with Khan’s past.  Something pleasant for once, not made out of blood and war.

"She reminds me of the beauty of Earth. And golden starlight." Khan began, attempting to explain. "She smells like coffee and vanilla and trees after a rainstorm." Khan said, pressing his hand gently to her chest as she breathed steadily, in and out, already exhausted by her first day, first few hours of lights and sounds and thoughts. "What does she smell like to you?"

“I hadn’t thought of it,” Jim confessed, but dutifully leaned over and inhaled deeply through his nose, pressed close to her skin.  “Well, uh, she smells new, somehow.  Like nothing I could describe.  Fresh and clean.  Perfect?  There’s no name I can put to it, Noonien.  But now, I want to smell coffee and vanilla and trees after a rainstorm.  Or the sagebrush of Nevada right after a thunderstorm.  And I want her to know all of those things, too.”  He paused and looked Khan directly in the eyes.  “Does she remind you of your family?”

Khan blinked, and appeared to almost shy away from this question. He was perhaps ashamed. "No. She doesn't." He hadn't even been thinking about them, until Jim mentioned it. "She reminds me of this family. You and me."

“Well, that’s good then,” Jim said.   “She should only make you think of good things, then, without any of the baggage of the past.  But it wouldn’t be bad if she reminded you of some of the good times.  I know there must have been some of them, and there’s nothing wrong in wanting to hold on to those, too.  She looks like you should.”

"She does." She did remind Khan of the good times, even if he could not articulate exact moments. And she did look like him, or how he would have looked had he remained unaltered. "Thank you, Jim." Khan lightly kissed Jim on the jaw, working closer to his lips. "I love her. I love you." He said, then turned his gaze back down on the sleeping baby. "It is strange and wonderful, to be able to see her now, hold her, speak with her. Watch her grow, rather then have her growth hidden from view." Khan said, feeling stupidly entranced by the idea. "Will you make an announcement to the crew?"

“Do you want to make yourself presentable and we can do it together?  From right here.  I’ll do a shipwide broadcast with a visual to all screens.  While you get ready, I can do a quick announcement that folks should gather around vidscreens.  I think it would be nice to let everyone else see her and you all at once, so there’s no favoritism about the initial introductions.  And then you can decide if you’re ready for visitors because let’s be honest, there are going to be a lot of people who want to see Pikea.  Even Spock will find some ‘logical’ reason to come, if only that Uhura would rip his ears off if he didn’t come with her,” Jim said, everything about him lit up with excitement about getting to tell his crew about their little girl.

Khan smiled, which grew the more animated Jim became. "Yes, Jim. Allow me to put a shirt on, then we can broadcast an announcement together." Khan placed his hand over their daughter, still completely entranced by the fact that she was alive and in his arms. Heart beat strong and lungs filling with air, all on her own. "I would like Doctor McCoy and Nurse Chapel to come back to speak with us before we start allowing visitors."

“Yeah, I’m surprised Bones hasn’t burst in yet,” Jim said with a glance at the door.  “But I think it means you and the baby are both doing great, so he’s not worried.  Still, there’s no way we’re escaping without some sort of lecture.  That just doesn’t happen.  Do you want me present when they’re here or are there any things you want to speak privately about?”  He gestured with his head toward the door.  “I can go make that call and send them in to talk with you while I do.  Whatever you want.”  He beamed at Khan, bouncing on his toes now.

"Yes, Jim. Stay with me. We are in this together, are we not? There is no need for privacy." Khan said, then added with some degree of acceptance. "Plus, you can hold me accountable, should the Doctor give me orders that I intend to neglect."

Jim just made a doubtful face at him and said, “That’s my MO, not yours.  And when it comes to making sure the baby is well looked after and taken care of, we’ll both be very religious, I’m sure.”  He leaned in for a quick kiss to Khan’s forehead.  “Alright, I’ll make my announcement, ask Bones to come in after we do our joint announcement and then come back here so we can introduce Pikea to everyone.  Sounds like a plan?”

Yes, it was more Jim's trait to ignore medical advice. But Khan had been unable to rebel, even a little, for the last nine months. There were things that he wanted to do now, engage in, that would have been unacceptable while still pregnant, and might be frowned upon as he recovers. But there were things Khan missed being able to do, so it would be hard for him to still follow orders, when the impact of his body no longer affected the baby. "Yes, Jim. Good."

“Excellent. I’ll be a few moments, while you make yourself beautiful.”  He playfully ruffled Khan’s hair and then practically danced out of the room.  A moment later, his voice echoed throughout the ship.  “In approximately five minutes, Khan and I are going to make a video announcement.  We invite everyone who can to get to the nearest vidscreen to share in this.  That’s five minutes, people.  Find a way to be there!”

Jim easily tracked down Bones next and asked him and Nurse Chapel to come in after they’d finished with the announcement.  Although, first, he gave him a hug that almost cracked his ribs.  The annoyed grumbling that followed him back to Khan’s room was totally worth it.

Peeking his head in, he called playfully, “Darling, are you presentable?”

"Yes." Khan said, dismissing the strange and new term of endearment. Khan had positioned himself to sit completely upright now and had brushed his hair back, off the sides of his face so that it rested against his back and shoulders. He was wearing a shirt that was now too big for him, but made him appropriately clothed for the time being. Pikea was tucked in his left arm, starting to wake up now that Khan had been moving around so much. Her eyes roamed over Khan, trying to figure him out before she gave a large open-mouth yawn.

Jim chuckled at Khan’s literalness and strolled in, stopping to survey the two of them for a moment.  “Computer, please take a holopic from my viewpoint.”

“Holopic taken,” the computer intoned.

“Awesome,” Jim said.  “Please send the picture directly to my personal log for future processing.”

“Transfer completed,” the computer said.

“You two look adorable,” Jim said with a huge grin and moved to join them.  “Shall I stand behind you, beside you?  Try to squeeze in on the bed?  Hmm.”  He finally decided on a seat right next to the bed, where he had seated himself previously.  “Ready for Pikea’s introduction?  Do you want to do the honors?”

"Thank you, Jim." Khan said with a slight nod. Carefully, he angled Pikea in his arms so that she faced forward, most of her body leaning back against his chest and arm. Khan had not made a ship-wide announcement in a long time. He hoped that this one might expel the bitter taste of the last one that lingered in memory. Ensuring that the camera on the console had a tight focus on the three of them, Khan then began the broadcast. "Good afternoon. It is an honor and a privilege that I might share with you a new member of the Enterprise family. Pikea Khanija Kirk. She was safely delivered at 15:53 and is doing well."

Jim didn’t think he imagined the sound of cheers throughout the ship, but since the room was soundproofed, it was probably just him projecting.  “Fathers are doing well, too,” he added with a grin.  “I think I’m more worn out than him, since I practically dug a trench in Sickbay with my pacing.  We want everyone who’s interested to get a chance to meet her personally, but we’re going to talk to Dr. McCoy first about her care.  But you’re all her extended family, and we expect you to pamper her as she deserves.”

Not understanding who her parents were talking to, Pikea looked up at Jim, trying to figure out what was going on. With another big yawn and a full body stretch of all her arms and legs, she settled again.

"Thank you," Khan began, looking down at her, "you have given us a home, and shown your support. I hope that each of you will honor us with a few minutes of your time, to share in our joy."

“And who can resist such a little cutie?” Jim asked, gesturing to Pikea.  “You all know you want to meet her.”  He winked at the crew watching all over the ship.  “Just don’t stampede the place.  If you want to meet her, please send a message and we’ll sort everybody out fairly.  Right?  Right!  Now, back to your posts!  What are you doing standing around and not working!?  End shipwide transmission.”

He turned to look at Khan with a huge grin.  “Well, that was fun!  Shall I go get Bones now?”

"Yes. Thank you, Jim." Khan kept his head bowed and eyes focused on their daughter, even after the transmission ended. Had he said enough? Did the crew know how much it meant to him, that they had allowed any of this? Did they care? How many of them would come to see them? Would they cast judgement on her, for not looking like Jim? Would the outreach to include Khan suddenly stop, now that he was no longer carrying Jim's baby? Did he misspeak, was he not considered family to them at all, simply the man carrying their captain's baby? With his hand on Pikea, the augment didn't know what was to come, only that he would protect her.

Jim noted his focus, but thought nothing of it.  After all, their baby was extraordinary, and he could just sit and stare at her for hours, too.  He leaned in to plant a soft kiss to Khan’s cheek, but before he could go get the doctor, said man, with Nurse Chapel, entered.

“Khan. Jim.  Pikea,” Bones said, including the baby in his address with a grin.  “Tell the good doctor how you’re doing.”  He whipped out a tricorder and continued, “I’m going to start with you, Mr. Singh, and let Nurse Chapel scan Pikea.  If you’ll be so good as to let her take Pikea for a few minutes.  I promise she won’t be out of your sight.”  He knew what it was like for new parents and figured that went triple for Khan.

Ensuring that the blanket was still snug around her body, Khan then passed his baby daughter to Nurse Chapel. He watched for a moment, then relaxed, trusting her as he had many times before.

Pikea however had someone new to look at, so her eyes opened wider taking in the sight of the new person. There were more people? More then her fathers? Interesting.

Nurse Chapel took the baby and cooed, “Aren’t you the sweetest little thing?  Such a beautiful baby.”  She carefully placed the child in a little crib rig on the other nearby bio-bed to make her own set of readings.

Without the baby to hold, Khan tightly held his hands together in his lap. "Thank you, Doctor. I am feeling well. A little dry in the mouth, perhaps, but that is all."

Jim sighed and said, “I offered to get him anything he needed,” heading off Bones’ grumble that Khan might have gotten the augment some water.  “I’ll get him some water now.”  

Bones scanned Khan from head to foot and said, “Well, you’re already speeding toward full recovery.  Your body is putting itself back to rights, just as if you never carried a child around inside you.  Quite remarkable.  I was wondering what might happen to the womb, and it appears to be being reabsorbed by the rest of the body.  What’s truly amazing is that I’m not sure this was a function of your original design, but something that you adapted to do to meet your new circumstances.”

Jim returned with the water and gaped at Bones.  “You mean, his biology modified that quickly?”  He held out the glass to Khan and beamed at him.  “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised by how truly incredible you are, huh?”

It was possible. In the end, Doctor McCoy was the new expert on augments, since all former research and documentation were lost to time and cover-ups. Khan considered this, then accepted the water from Jim. "Thank you." He said, trying also to be forgiven for not asking sooner. He hadn't been thinking about himself, only the child, and how Jim would take to her. Drinking the water a few sips at a time, Khan then held the cup in his lap. "For future relations between the Captain and myself, what preventative measures do you recommend?" He asked, being a little formal in his request. But they would need to know, until they were ready to expand their family further.

Bones nailed Jim with a look and said, “Back on your birth control meds.  Didn’t figure you’d need ‘em anymore, but look where assuming got us.  It’s a pretty efficient method, over 95% effective, though if you really want to be sure, you could use condoms, too.  Or just never let Jim top.  That’s a legitimate technique.”

Jim glared at Bones, who was obviously enjoying this way too much.

“By the way.  Mazel tov.  Not only have you successfully had a healthy baby girl, but you are the first human male couple to do so.  Record book for you.  Charles ‘Trip’ Tucker III of the original Enterprise was the first male human to successfully carry a child, but he did not carry all the way to term, nor was it a human child, so not the first male pregnancy, but only the second on record.  Not sure why Enterprise men like to lead these trends, but I guess that speaks to the kind of people who decide to join Starfleet.”

“Bones,” Jim groaned.

“Dr. McCoy,” Nurse Chapel professionally interrupted, before the good doctor could continue.  “You may add another to the firsts.  Pikea has been fed, which means, per our supposition, that Mr. Singh is able to produce sufficient milk, as well.”

“You say anything unprofessional and I will break your face,” Jim growled at his best friend, as a huge smirk grew on Bone’s mouth.

Bones kept the grin, but said lightly, “That’s good to hear, Mr. Singh.  We’ll check to make sure that continues and devise a few nutritional supplements, just in case.”

Doing his very best to not become defensive, Khan kept his mouth closed and simply listened to what McCoy had to say. But as Nurse Chapel drew attention to the fact that Pikea had managed to get milk from Khan, the augment nodded to confirm. "Thank you, Doctor. I would like a sample tested to ensure that it is of acceptable quality."

Pikea tilted her head towards a whirling, electronic sound overhead. And then quite abruptly, squealed in delight and laughter, which caused her entire body to spasm and kick out. She couldn't just express her joy in one way, but felt it all over, through her entire body.

Bones nodded and said, “I’ll leave you something to collect a sample in for a full analysis,” before his attention was distracted by the baby.  “Well, I’ll be damned.”  He marched over there, followed closely by Jim.

“What?” Jim asked, uncertain about the doctor’s reaction.

“That was the response of a much older baby,” Nurse Chapel said, looking with wonder and affection at the infant.  “Pikea shows remarkable awareness and interest in her surroundings for a child newly out of the womb.  Human newborns simply don’t have the mental development yet for such reactions.  But Pikea clearly does.”  She reached down and lightly tickled the baby’s stomach with one finger.

Pikea hadn't figured out conscious vocalization, yet, but she hummed in a similar way that her augmented father did when he was pleased. She could sense all the positive attention being directed at her and basked in it. She looked at Chapel, looking her right in the eye, associating the exciting touch with the woman, and smiled.

“She purrs the way Khan does,” Jim said and moved to the opposite side of the bed so he could be closer to her.  “Aren’t you just the smartest little baby, ever?” he baby-talked, unable to resist the urge.  He tenderly took the toes of her tiny right foot in a couple of his fingers and said, “We’re going to have such fun playing together.  This little piggy.”  He wiggled the first toe.

Bones rolled his eyes and returned to Khan’s side, not wanting the augment neglected.  “I imagine everything about Pikea will be rather remarkable, and I would advise we keep a close eye on her development.  I think we may have to progress her education and the like quite a bit.”  He glanced over at where Jim was goofing off with the baby.  “Meanwhile, Jim may regress.”  

Khan however made no comment about Jim's behaviour with Pikea. From his perspective, it might even be good for Jim, to experience some childish memories, alongside their baby. But he did nod in agreement, Pikea would be advanced for her age, at any age. She would learn and adapt quickly and would need to have parents and crew who were willing to engage and challenge her. "Yes, Doctor. I think that is an accurate assessment and a wise suggestion." Khan said, his own focus on Jim as he engaged Pikea in play. Jim was going to be a good father. Then turning his eyes on McCoy, the augment paused thoughtfully, then offered his hand. "Thank you, Leonard. For bringing her into the world, safely."

“Thank you for trusting me enough to do so,” Bones said and took the proffered hand.  “And thank you for calling me Leonard.  If I might use a less formal name for you?”  he paused to show he wasn’t certain what that name would be.

The grasp of hands was more of a firm hold between friends, then a handshake one more exchange after a business transaction. "Yes." Khan hesitated in offering the name that until now, only Jim had used. "You are godfather. We are family. You may call me Noonien." He said, giving a slight squeeze of his fingers to seal the exchange before letting go.

Meanwhile, Jim paused in his playing with his baby and just stood there, staring at her like any besotted new father.  “She’s really real,” he murmured.

“And completely healthy,” Nurse Chapel declared.  “But it’s probably time for a nap, even for an advanced baby.”  She lightly scootched Pikea under the chin.  “I’d like to swaddle her and leave her in this bio-bed for some rest.”  She gave all of the men in the room a glance for their agreement.

Letting Pikea get more rest, on her own, was the right thing to do. But Khan had become accustomed to her being close, that he was feeling some withdrawal. "Yes." He said, expressing his consent, even if it wasn't what he wanted, personally.

Jim nodded and moved back to Khan’s side, after a kiss of farewell to Pikea’s cheek.  He took the seat next to Khan and smiled contentedly (and sappily) at them both.  He was a new father, a soon-to-be husband, and his best friend and husband-to-be had just exchanged first names.  All was well in Jim’s world.

“Thank you, Nurse,” Bones said.  “You should get some rest as well, Noonien.  Your body is still working through a lot and rest will help it.  If all goes well, you can both go home tomorrow.  And start seeing visitors.”

Nurse Chapel carefully swaddled Pikea is soft fabrics and settled her into the bio bed, turning on a soft humming white noise to soothe her down.

After so much attention, now there was only Chapel. Quietly watching the woman, Pikea made no fuss as she was handled and wrapped up. _Now what? Oh. What was that sound?_ Pikea blinked, trying to focus on the non-existent sound. But the more she tried to listen, the more her brain succumbed to the lack of stimulation. With another fierce yawn, Pikea then settled and fell asleep again almost immediately. Life was exhausting.

"Thank you. I will attempt to do so." Khan said, though his eyes were on the sleeping baby in the bio-bed opposite. After a moment, satisfied that she was well and at rest, Khan sighed and turned his attention to Jim with a little smile. "Will you stay?"

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jim said.  “I’ll start organizing the meetings and catch up on some paperwork on my PADD.”

“And get some rest, too,” Bones said firmly.  “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re looking ragged, too, Jim.  Enjoy your rest while you can, too.  Pikea may be exceptional, but I’m sure she’ll put some of the same demands on you as any baby.  And one of those is needing food in the middle of the night.  So, rest.  I’ll get you a second bio-bed to link up with this one.”

Lowering the bed back down to the flat position, Khan laid out on his side out of habit, even though he didn't need to anymore, facing Jim who was sitting next to him and smiled. Yes, Pikea might demand a midnight feeding, and Khan would be happy to satisfy her needs before putting her back to bed. But he imagined, that once Pikea was done, it would give Jim and Khan a little time to renew intimate bonds. And Khan was looking forward to that.

Jim sighed, but didn’t really mind the idea of getting some rest with Khan.  He hopped up and moved the chair out of the way so the second bed could be moved into position.  He waved a thanks as Nurse Chapel quietly dismissed herself and then kicked off his boots.  Sitting on the edge of the bed or a moment, he aimed a smile at his best friend.  “Thanks again, Bones.  This- we couldn’t have done this without you.  And she’s so beautiful.”  Clearing his throat, he nodded once at his friend.  “Yeah.  Dim the lights would you?”  He lay on his own side to face Khan.

“Rest well,” Bones said.  “Lights to ten percent.”  He left the room with a quiet shift of doors.

"She's good. She's fine. She's perfect." Khan said softly, in part convincing himself that he didn't need to turn and look to watch her while he too laid down. Reaching out for Jim, he asked, "Can I hold you in my arms, Jim?" When he was heavily pregnant, it had been almost impossible for Khan to hold Jim in his arms face-on, or from behind. But he wanted to, now that he could again. "I know it is unlikely that you are tired, but if you could lay quietly with me for a little while, it is what I need."

Jim moved forward easily into Khan’s arms and rested their foreheads together.  “She’s our little girl,” he confirmed.  “Exactly right in every way.”  He pressed a kiss to Khan’s mouth.  “Thank you for carrying her and nurturing her for so long, Noonien.  You’re just as amazing.  I’m happy to stay here for as long as you want and need me.  I think I’ll get some sleep, too, even if I am keyed up a bit.  It’s nice to be able to rest, knowing that everything’s good now.”

Wrapping his arms tightly around Jim as if he were his own personal bedtime plush toy, Khan sighed, letting go of some of his worry. "Thank you, Jim. Thank you, for her. Thank you, for staying with me. Thank you, for looking after me." He said, tucking his face and suddenly feeling quite tired.

Jim tightened his own grip and stroked through Khan’s long hair with one hand.  “Thank you for letting me, Noonien.  You and she are the most important things in my life, and I’ll spend the rest of it doing my best to look after you both.  Even when you don’t want me to.  Let’s get some sleep now.  We have a lot of visiting to do soon.  Maybe we should just carry her around the whole ship.  Show her the Enterprise ... my other best girl.”

"Mmhm." Khan agreed absently. They were safe, the three of them. The whole ship, too. But for the time being, Khan's mind had very singular focus. They were good. They were healthy and alive. They were safe. They were a family. And Jim was promising to stay. To commit himself to Khan and their baby, legally. That too was a huge weight off his mind. Khan happily drifted unconscious, breathing in deeply the scent of his lover, entrusting himself to his care.


	21. Chapter 21

The daughter of Captain James T. Kirk and former Emperor Khan Noonien Singh, lay in her crib, staring at the ceiling overhead. Khan was kneeling on the floor beside her protective bed, talking her through the sights of Earth's constellations projected on the wall and ceiling above. As he spoke, he imparted a few mythical stories to her, then changed the orientation so that she could see the larger arrangement of nearby planets within orbit of Earth's sun. The newborn maintained captivated interest throughout, and even attempted to express a thought or her satisfaction with a few sounds. But her eyes did most of the talking, sharp and fixed and extremely attentive.

Jim waited by the door for the first people outside of himself, Bones and Nurse Chapel, to come to see his daughter.  He could hear Khan already explaining all of the stars to Pikea and spared a grin for what a nerd their daughter was going to be.  And then the chime to request entry sounded, and he felt a mixture of excitement and nerves as he opened the doors to greet Spock and Uhura.

“Spock.  Uhura.  C’mon in.  Khan’s at the crib with Pikea.  He’s filling her head with dreams of the stars already,” Jim said gesturing to where Khan knelt in the middle of the room.

“Captain,” Uhura said and leaned in to kiss his cheek.  “Congratulations.  Thank you for letting us be the first ones to meet Pikea.”

“Indeed, Captain,” Spock echoed.  “I was gratified to learn of the successful birth and wish long life to your offspring, as well as to yourself and Mr. Singh.”

“Thank you,” Jim said, fighting a bit of a pleased flush.  “Your wishes mean a lot to us.  Let’s go in to meet Pikea.”  He led them to Khan.  “Uhura and Spock to meet Pikea.”

Though Khan had heard the door chime and the polite exchange between friends in the next room, Khan had remained with Pikea, in the middle of describing the storms on Jupiter. But as their guests entered into the nursery, Khan stood. He barely carried any hint of extra weight, the evidence of his pregnancy was not an obvious one. "Commander Spock. Lieutenant Uhura." He said, standing by the crib, but beckoned them closer with an extended arm. "This is Pikea. She will be happy to meet you, if you come into her line of vision."

“Thank you, Mr. Singh,” Uhura said.

“Her line of vision,” Spock repeated, which was unusual for him, but dutifully did so.  He noticed immediately how the child’s eyes fastened on him and followed.  “Fascinating.”

“Fascinating?  Is that all you can say, Spock?” Uhura chided and knelt down by the crib to look at Pikea.  “Hello, mtoto,” she said.  “Oh, look at your eyes.”  She glanced up at Khan instinctively for permission, as she asked, “May I touch her?”

“Of course you can,” Jim said, even though he knew both Spock and Uhura would defer to Khan on this one.  Which was probably safer for everyone anyway.

Khan watched Pikea, ensuring that she did not express distress at people looking in on her. But she was brave and curious and sociable, like Jim.

Pikea squirmed happily. This one had a pleasant voice. She blinked, her wide eyes locking on each adult in turn. This was fun. There was so much to understand. So much to look at. Not one was the same as the other.

"Yes. You may pick her up, if you wish." Khan said, adding to the permission Jim had already given.

Uhura smiled and lifted Pikea in her arms with great care, cradling her in a tender arm.  She rocked the child back and forth and began to sing softly in Swahili to her, an ancient lullaby.  

Jim smiled at the interaction between Pikea and Uhura and wondered what little dark-skinned children with pointed ears would really look like.

Spock used the moment to move closer to Khan and say in an undertone, “I wish to extend my apologies, Mr. Singh, for some of our past relations.  And offer an olive branch, as it were, between us.  My fears about your presence on this ship have been unjustified.”

The comment was somewhat startling to the augment, when the focus had been entirely on Pikea. And it was not in him to accept this particular peace offering with ease. Khan observed the Vulcan, his manner, dissecting his tone and the language he used. It was incredibly honest. Spock was apologizing for some of their past interactions, but not all. And rightly so. Still, that honesty reminded Khan of darker times. "Your caution was logical and reasonable." Khan said fairly. Spock was Jim's first officer and maintained a clear sight of Khan while aboard the Enterprise, should he turn on the Captain or his crew, Spock would have been among the few prepared for it. But in turn, Khan had remained guarded against the Vulcan, and even now, was careful to focus on what exactly was being said.

Spock looked over to where Uhura and Jim were talking, Pikea the focus of their attentions and conversation.  “When the captain determined that you should remain on-board, I could not understand his decision.  It seemed much more logical to return you to Earth and allow the authorities to deal with your future.  Yet, I discover that I have again underestimated Jim and at the same time, you, Mr. Singh.  Your actions prove you belong on the Enterprise and most certainly with Jim.  He is ... happy, as I have never seen him before.  And as a human, that is healthy.”

It was quite the statement coming from a Vulcan. Spock was expressing his approval of Khan's relationship with Jim, and his acceptance of Khan's presence on the Enterprise. This approval wasn't required of course, but it would make things easier between the two former adversaries. "Thank you Commander, for expressing this insight." He said, understanding that it was perhaps not a natural conversation for him to have, even if mending relations between them was the logical way forward. "Jim is my family. And the Enterprise, my home. To which I devote my life and my loyalty. I say this to you, so that it might serve as further evidence of my motives."

“Yes, I understand this now.  And my ultimate report to Starfleet, when we return to Earth, will reflect this knowledge.  Jim understands others in ways that are not strictly logical ... as difficult as that is to accept, I realize now that I must.  It is a great strength,” Spock said.  “And now, with your permission, Mr. Singh, I, too, would hold the lady Pikea.”

The guarded augment softened when Spock called his daughter by such a term of endearment and respect. "Yes, Commander Spock. You have my permission." He said, keeping things clear and honest between them.

Pikea meanwhile was listening to the lovely lullaby. Not knowing one language from another, she understood inflection and the joy and happiness that was being projected to her.

“Though I shall wait until Nyota finishes her lullaby, as she would be most displeased to be interrupted.”  Spock looked curiously at Khan, though it was only evident if you knew what to look for.  “Are you familiar with the language or song, Mr. Singh?”

Khan had his head turned to the side, watching Uhura and Pikea connect with one another. At the question, Khan blinked before he reluctantly admitted. "My strength lies with Eastern languages. My experience with Swahili, among the other major African languages was quite limited in my time. I am unfamiliar with the words." He said, instantly disliking this flaw. But as it was a matter of peace between them, Khan continued. "Tell me, what is she saying?"

“The song is most illogical,” Spock said.  “The song is a lullaby, which offers the child cakes and candy for going to sleep, while also promising protection and safety.  Nyota has taught me much of Swahili, since it was the native language of her father’s tribe.  She is fluent in most of the languages of the continent you knew as Africa, if you wish to learn them, I am certain Nyota would look on such a request with much favor.  Many of the languages are dying out.”

Jim clapped as Nyota finished her song and said, “Come over here, Spock, and meet Pikea, before Uhura steals all of Pikea’s love away.”

"Thank you, Commander." Khan said softly. He was giving thanks for his translation, as the first officer bridged a gap in communication with his own daughter. Khan however smiled to himself, feeling that Pikea was nothing but love. She was only a few days old, but had as of yet to cry in distress or fear. She expressed only curiosity and interest and happiness. Stepping closer, so that Spock would do the same, Khan gently thanked Uhura for her song.

“It was my pleasure,” Uhura assured him with a bright smile.  “She’s a lovely baby.  I hope you’ll allow Spock and I to babysit her sometimes.  And I would love to visit and teach her more songs.  I can see the interest in her eyes already.  It’s-”  She sniffled a little and hastily wiped at her eyes.  “Sorry ... it’s just been a long time since I had someone to teach a lullaby to.”  She held Pikea out to Spock.  “Would you like to hold her, Spock?”

“Indeed,” Spock said and carefully took the child in his arms.  Instantly, he sensed intelligence and self-awareness, which should not be present in such a young child.  “Fascinating,” he repeated and gazed into her eyes.  “She is remarkable.”  He resisted the urge to touch her mind again, restricting his hold to her blanket.  

“Well, duh,” Jim said playfully.

Pikea fixated on Spock. He was like her father, the quiet one. But not. And also yes. She met Spock's eyes, then began to pick apart the features of his face, attempting to detect the mood from him, which was much more obvious in the others. Even her quiet father expressed emotion. This was different. And different was always interesting. She sighed and huffed slightly, then locked eyes with him again.

Khan kept his eyes on his daughter. He briefly, selfishly wondered if it was possible for the Vulcan to communicate with her, to find out if she was happy. But it was a foolish thing to ask. She expressed nothing but joy. She was happy. And also, Khan had experienced the Vulcan violently pressing into his mind. It was not an experience that would ever leave him. And causing his daughter such pain, would lead to a truly violent outcome.

“I briefly touched her face when I lifted her and received a strong sense of self and intelligence,” Spock said and looked at Khan.  “I am aware of no species that possesses such abilities as the lady Pikea.”

“Seriously?” Jim asked and moved close to peer at Pikea over Spock’s shoulder.  “Bones said she was extraordinary, but I took that as a matter of course.”  

Uhura smiled at them both and moved to Khan’s side, placing a hand on his arm.  “You have a beautiful child, Noonien.  I look forward to getting to know her as she grows.  And I’d like to continue our exercise sessions.  Perhaps we can do a bit more advanced yoga now.”

Khan exchanged a look with Spock. The Vulcan had been honest and upfront about the accidental touch, but the mention of it had also made him anxious. Though the use of the respectful term helped diffuse any runaway thoughts. Spock was showing her care and compassion. It was only now, in this moment, did Khan see for himself and truly believe, Spock would not harm her. Khan looked to his daughter, then to Spock once more, finally seeing him with a slightly more open heart and kinder eyes.

Then as Uhura touched his arm, Khan turned his head, giving her his attention, and therefore trusting Spock with Pikea, unsupervised. "Thank you. I hope you remain willing to play a key part in her education over the years. While we may continue along the lines of our own classes, and friendship." He said, giving a slight nod, an almost bow of the head as a sign of his respect.

Uhura smiled at him and then murmured for his ears alone, in perfect Hindi, “ _And maybe you can teach me how to carry a child with as much grace as you did._ ”  She looked over to where Spock and Jim were interacting with Pikea and continued as softly, _“If I can ever get him over his reservations about the illogic of adding more hybrid Vulcan/human children to the universe, which really has more to do with his nervousness about being a father and how difficult it was for his mother to carry him to term_.”  She sighed a little and flipped her ponytail in frustration.

Across the room, Spock handed Pikea over to Jim, who was being insistent that he have a turn.  And he took Pikea on a little flight around the room, making ‘vroom vroom’ noises as he went, like an ancient style airplane. But he kept a secure hold on her, facing her toward the ceiling, where she could see the stars as she ‘flew.’

" _Yes, my friend_." Khan said, speaking in Hindi as well, softly so that their conversation remained private. " _We can learn together, so that you might have the advantage for when you begin a family of your own_." Khan turned to face her completely as he added. " _As humans reach further out into the universe, the concept of blood purity will become extinct. The future will include many such unions, resulting in beautiful, unique offspring with a genetic variance like no other_."

" _You are strong. You will not allow his difficulties to become your own, or be passed on to your child. I have every confidence that you will convince him that his logic is flawed. You have us-_ " He said, glancing to Jim and Pikea as she was launched around the room, laughing and squealing in delight, kicking and reaching out for the sights overhead. " _You have our support_."

“Well, I am very determined,” Uhura said with a flash of her eyes and a toss of her hair.  She looked like she could have been some ancient queen.

“Uh oh, you two are plotting,” Jim said, ‘flying’ Pikea carefully into Khan’s arms, knowing his lover would accept her instinctively.  “I don’t think it’s wise for us to leave these two unattended, Spock.”

Spock gave Jim a patented ‘you are highly illogical’ look, but gamely moved to join the small group.  “May I inquire,” he asked, deliberately changing to subject before Uhura took offense, “if Pikea was named after Admiral Pike?”

As Khan held his daughter, he looked down at her with complete devotion and love. To which she just smiled and sighed, relaxing and settling into his arms after her flight around the room. "Yes." Khan said, petting a thumb over her forehead to brush back a few of her soft black hairs on top of her head. "She is named after Admiral Pike." Khan answered, then looked over to Spock, unsure if he would express understanding for the choice.

“It was Khan’s idea,” Jim said and leaned into his lover gently.  “I’d like to think Chris would be proud of how things have turned out ... and to have such a perfect little girl named after him.”

Spock nodded gravely and said, “It would only be logical, and for all that Admiral Pike could be an illogical human, he was fundamentally a logical man.”

“High praise indeed,” Uhura said with a soft, fond smile and eased over to lightly brush their hands together.  It was a sign of how far their relationship had progressed that they felt comfortable exhibiting such affection in any kind of public gathering.  Even if it were only Jim and Khan and Pikea present.

Now that she was no longer being passed around Pikea began to slowly lose her focus and close her eyes. As self aware and intelligent as she already was, there was only so much she could take before needing a rest here and there. Sometimes it was only a few minutes, sometimes it was a nice long hour or two. But every time, after she was rested, Pikea was ready to learn and observe the world around her.

As she drifted into a light sleep in her father's arms, Khan gave their guests his attention fully now. With a single nod in agreement, Khan then shifted the conversation, not wishing to dwell on the loss that would ultimately point the finger back at him. "Commander Spock, Jim implied that you might find the crib I designed of interest. Would you care to examine it?"

“Oh yeah, you gotta check this out, Spock!” Jim enthused and scooted over to the side of the crib.  “Put Pikea in so they can see how it works.  It’s time for her nap anyway.  She’s looking a little tired.”  He direct a fond gaze at the tiny bundle cradled in Khan’s strong arms.  “Khan designed and built this himself, using the same workroom I got him for Pomphrey’s terrarium.”  He glanced over at where the tribble was pressed against the glass, as close to the persons in the room as possible.  “Have to get him out to explore.”

Spock blinked at the word vomit from Jim, though he was used to it and turned his attention to the augment.  “I would find an explanation most edifying, Mr. Singh.  I have not seen technology used this way before.”

Khan uttered a small blessing in Arabic to Pikea for her to sleep well. It held no religious or spiritual intent, but was a simple salutation to wish her good dreams and a peaceful rest. Placing her into the crib, the technology adapted as it took her weight and steadied the pod so that it hovered perfectly. "The pod adapts to external stimuli. Keeping a steady orientation, even if artificial gravity is lost." Khan began to explain. "It maintains a fixed artificial environment of its own, so that she does not become over-cool, or over-heated." Khan said, kneeling on the floor beside the hovering pod as he pulled off a panel, showing their guests as he spoke. "External noise, including this conversation is being dampened and muted to her ears, offering a peaceful resting environment, supplemented with a low transmission to replicate the impression of a heart beat."

“That’s amazing,” Uhura said, thinking of how much love had gone into the design more than how much intelligence.  “It’s her own perfect environment.”

“Fascinating,” Spock agreed.  “This is a unique design, which would be quite beneficial in a variety of uses.”  He noted how the infant was already asleep inside the pod and noted, “From a small sample size, the pod is also most successful for its designed function, as well.”

“We could have a screaming match, and she could keep on sleeping peacefully,” Jim agreed.

The corners of Spock’s mouth indicated that he wished to frown.  “There is no logical reason to assume that we are about to engage in such behavior.”

Jim snickered at his friend and said, “Yeah, obtuse as ever.”

“Does the pod allow other stimuli to be introduced to the sleeping area?” Uhura asked Khan, ignoring the other two men.  “Like music?”

"Yes, very easily." Khan said, choosing to answer Uhura, rather than indulge Jim in the challenge of testing out his theory of yelling. "Currently, I have it programmed to introduce natural Earth sounds, and the pulsing hum of stars." This reflected Khan's own need to give their daughter an environment that consisted of more then electronic panels and the feeling of being constantly enclosed. Then replacing the panel on the pod, Khan further explained. "It is a self-sterilizing environment ... and should the worst befall the Enterprise, it will survive independently for a number of days."

“You made her a lifepod crib,” Uhura concluded, eyes soft as she looked between father and child.  She barely refrained from calling him adorable, thinking Khan wasn’t quite mellow enough for that yet.  

“I would like to point out-” Spock began.

“Hush, Spock, it’s a lovely thing to do for your baby,” Uhura cut him off, before he could remark on the infinitesimally small chances of something like that happening to the Enterprise or worse yet, of Pikea surviving them, even with her crib.  She fastened him with a fierce glare that told him he better not say anything in that vein, which he wisely obeyed.

“If you will permit,” Spock tried again, one eye on Uhura to make sure he made no missteps, “seeing the crib in operation would be most edifying.  I believe Mr. Scott would also find it so.”

Jim laughed at that and said, “He’ll find a way to build a perfect environment for his alcohol with it.”

Khan was well aware of the slim hope of such a scenario. But he would have ignored it, had the Vulcan put voice to it. Khan preferred a slim hope, to no hope. Khan nodded in agreement. "Yes, Commander Spock. If you would like to assemble interested parties, we can put the pod to the test in a few days time." Worst case, Scotty pushed it too hard and Khan would have to build another one, but at least with the knowledge of how to make it more resilient.

“Maybe the three of you should just build a new one and see if you can improve on the design,” Jim suggested.  “And I’m hurt that I’m not invited to this little shindig.  My skills may not quite be on par with yours, but I’m a pretty damn fine engineer.”  He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his front foot, giving his lover a firm glare.

Uhura covered a smile, having grown to enjoy the relationship between Khan and Jim.  She knew play when she saw it, but it was always interesting to see how Khan would react to it.

Khan tilted his head to the side, his attempt to comprehend Jim was very similar to the way Pikea attempted to understand her own new surroundings. "I said, interested parties should be involved. If you are an interested party, Jim, then you are welcome to join us." The augment however was a little put off that there was anything to improve upon. No, it would not raise their daughter, alone in deep space for years, but it was not meant to.

JIm looped an arm around Khan’s shoulders and pulled himself into a kiss, lingering only a moment so as not to upset the reserved augment.  “Thank you, Noonien,” he said with a smile.  “It’s so nice to be welcome.”  He glanced at the crib.  “We can totally make it cooler, though.  Know what it needs?  Rocket jets.  It should totally be able to fly.”

“Jim,” Uhura said around a helpless little laugh.

Feeling that Jim should always know he is welcome, Khan rested his hand on the small of Jim's back, an inclusive, supportive, public display. But until Khan could address it privately as to why there was any doubt in Jim's mind, he maintained contact, in hopes to combat any feeling of being left out Jim might have. "You can draw an old-fashioned rocket on it if you like. But a moderate propulsion drive should be more than sufficient."

Jim leaned back into the hand and practically glowed with delight at Khan’s willingness to show this affection in front of Spock and Uhura, as well as his words.  As usual, his lovely augment had taken him completely literally, so now, Jim got to imagine putting some propulsion into the baby’s crib.  He was already envisioning himself flying the crib like an old-fashioned airplane model, with Pikea safely inside, squealing in delight at being able to fly.  “Yes, I want that in the crib,” he agreed with Khan fervently.

Uhura was smiling just as helplessly as Jim by now, while Spock looked a mixture of moderately puzzled and worried behind his stoic mask.  It was obvious he didn’t get why a crib required propulsion.

For a moment there was a breath of silence between the small gathering. The four did not usually socialize together, and it was Pikea who had managed to get them in a room all at the same time. But now she was asleep and no longer the central focus. And generally, when it came to Commander Spock, Khan waited for Jim to carry the conversation. But this time, Khan attempted to offer an olive branch of his own. "Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, in the months and years to come, it is my hope that the two of you will consent to be deeply involved in Pikea's life. As temporary caregivers, as extended family, as educators, and as friends." It had been implied before that the couple would be asked to baby-sit, or teach Pikea a particular skill in time, but Khan had not formally made this request, and felt it was due as a way to express his confidence and trust.

Jim leaned more into Khan and smiled at him, thanking him silently for reaching out to include his friends, especially Spock.  He internally promised to make his thanks vocally (as well as in other, more intimate ways) later.

Uhura clasped her hands together in a gesture of delight.  “I’d be more than honored,” she said with a touch of the formality Khan always used.  “It means a lot to me to be allowed to be involved in her life and education.”  She glanced slyly at Jim and said, “I know the Captain can sing, even if he doesn’t like to, and hope that Pikea might also have some love for music.  I should very much like to help introduce her to music.”

Until the Enterprise, Khan had never had the opportunity for an artistic or musical outlet. And wanting better for his daughter, wanted to encourage this. "Thank you, Uhura. I believe she will benefit greatly from your passion."

“Your invitation is also more than acceptable to me, Mr. Singh,” Spock said with his normal formality.  “Vulcan clans have traditionally assisted in the raising of the children of relatives.  Whatever benefit I may be in the growth of the lady Pikea, I shall look on as my duty.”  He inclined his head carefully.

The words of devotion were not taken lightly. Spock was promising to treat Pikea as family, to share in her upbringing, to show loyalty to her. It was not an idle promise from the Vulcan. Nor had it been an idle request from the augment. Treating this exchange with respect, Khan watched as Spock offered the formal nod. With similar delicacy and respect, Khan lowered his eyes and turned his head down in a small bow. "Thank you." He said warmly.

“Aww, you guys should totally hug,” Jim said, totally interrupting the serious mood, as was his wont in these kinds of situations.  He fully expected two pairs of unimpressed eyes on him and already grinned in anticipation.  

Uhura just rolled her eyes extravagantly at Jim and shook her head once in amusement.  Not that she completely disagreed with his assessment.  The other two were so formal about everything, though it was part of what she loved about Spock.

“Captain,” Spock said, completely put out, “I am not sure-”

Jim just looked completely innocent as he glanced between his lover and First Officer and said, “Well, you two are burying the hatchet.  I think a hug is called for.”

Khan turned his gaze to Jim, but said very patiently. "That is not necessary, Jim." While the augment, from this day forward would entrust Spock to show appropriate care for Pikea, for his own state of wellbeing, there was no need for either the Vulcan or the augment to ever lay hands on one another again, let alone the press of their chests and the embrace of their arms in a hug. And neither Spock nor Khan would be pushed into it, not to fulfill the wishful amusement of their Captain.  

Jim just made a face at Khan and said, “Spoilsport.  Make me do everything myself.”  And with a wink, he stepped over and gave Spock a brief hug.  “Thank you for promising to watch over Pikea for us, Spock.”  

The Vulcan froze up, even though Jim was careful not to touch skin-to-skin and initiate any unwanted mental contact.  He then relaxed a little and said, “Thanks are unnecessary, Cap- Jim.”

“Nah, they’re really not,” Jim said and gave Uhura a similar hug, cautious to make sure it was not unwelcome.  (She frightened him in ways Spock never would.)  “They’re really necessary.  Thank you, Uhura.  Pikea will be very lucky to have you as her Aunt.”  He stepped back and leaned up to press a kiss to Khan’s nose.  “And thank you for trusting my friends.  My crew.  My family.”

Khan gave a sharp exhale of air through his nose after Jim kissed him there. It was playful, and Khan wasn't quite ready for playful just yet, though the response was essentially his version of rolling his eyes. "My family, too. Now." A mixed race, mixed species family. A family group, a clan, like the Vulcans, or that of ancient Earth people's, where raising a child was the responsibly of all.

Jim said, “Yes, our family,” and lightly hip-checked Khan.  “Speaking of which, I’m afraid it’s almost time for the next visitors.  Pikea’s nap won’t last though Scotty, Chekov and Sulu, I bet.”

Uhura laughed lightly and nodded.  “Pavel is very eager, even more so than I anticipated.  He’ll be beating the door down in a moment.  Thank you for inviting us to meet Pikea first.  She’s a beautiful baby and a good match to her parents.  May she be blessed with happiness.”

Spock nodded his own agreement, lifted his hand in salute and said, “Peace and long life to the lady Pikea.  We will take our leave of you now.”

"Thank you." Khan said, looking from Spock to Pikea happily resting in her crib. Peace and a long life. Khan too hoped that she would know these things. Then as the guests turned to leave, Khan walked after them, seeing them to the door. Though once the couple had gone, and the second wave of guests had yet to arrive, Khan had the door seal itself closed once more.

Jim followed after and as soon as the doors sealed up, threw his arms around Khan from behind and snuggled up close.  “You’re amazing,” he confided and nibbled on his nape.  “Even if I hope Pikea’s sense of humor comes from me.”  His hands snuck up the front of Khan’s tunic and stroked over well healed skin.  “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

"I am happy, Jim. My thoughts are on Pikea, and our future on the Enterprise. We have a place, here." Khan said, turning his head to the side so that he could see Jim over his left shoulder. "Why?" He asked, remaining at ease as Jim hugged him from behind. "What are you thinking?"

“How changed you are,” Jim said.  “For the better, I think.  How I wish you could feel what I do for you, since I’m crap with words and can’t tell you right.  I’m so proud of you, Noonien.  Of us.  We accidentally created the best thing ever, asleep in that fancy crib you designed and built yourself out of pure love and determination that she should have everything.  That’s amazing, too.”  He sighed and pressed another kiss to Khan’s face, chewing lightly at his ear.  “You can show me that you’re happy, you know.  I won’t tell on you.”

Hooked and reeled in by Jim's mouth on his ear, Khan turned to face his lover. He purred softly as his hands found a familiar resting spot on Jim's hips. "My happiness is a mystery to you, Jim? To me it feels quite obvious." He said, kissing Jim on the side of the face, slowly working down his neck in a line of soft kisses. Then with great love that needed an outlet, Khan wrapped his arms around Jim's middle and back, holding and hugging him tightly.

“Not a mystery,” Jim assured him, as his own arms easily adjusted to find their place snuggly around his lover.  “Not heavily demonstrated, either, I suppose.  You still don’t smile enough.  I feel like it’s a failing of mine not to bring out more smiles.  I guess Pikea will be the real test on getting you to smile.  She already makes me grin like a loon.”  He tilted his head for Khan’s attentions and undulated against him tenderly.  “Tonight.  Tonight we’ll make love for a very long time.  Promise.”

"It is not a failing of yours, Jim. Smiling is not a natural reaction for me, even when I am happy. Which I am." Khan said, finding comfort in the way he could feel Jim's heart beat in his chest, pressed against his own. "I love our family, Jim." He said, pawing and fisting the fabric of his shirt at his back. "I hope that you can take a few days off, so that we might enjoy these first days together."

Jim glanced at their daughter’s crib and nodded once, saying, “Yeah, I’ll check with Spock, but we’ve got a few more days of travel before we get to the next planet we’ve got mapped out.  I don’t see why I can’t take those off.  Hell, I’ll even let Spock lead the away missions and stay aboard until we’re sure everything is safe, if you like.  No charging off into potential danger as a new dad.”  He breathed out a light laugh and turned his face back to Khan to steal another kiss.  “I’m a dad.  I’ve got a baby girl and a soon-to-be husband.  Fuck, I think I’m going to faint.”

"Yes, Jim. I know that those were not events that you set out to achieve in your lifetime, but I am grateful ..." Khan said, then silenced himself as he pressed a deep kiss to Jim's mouth. He was looking forward to Jim's promise of lovemaking tonight, there were many intimate exchanges that the augment had been unable to engage in while pregnant. And asserting their bond, showing that nothing had changed, even though everything had changed, was an important step for both of them.

“I’m grateful, too,” Jim assured him.  “So fucking grateful, Noonien, that you’re willing to put up with me and all my shit, not to mention trusting me to be a good parent.”  He pressed their foreheads together and breathed in the scent of his lover.  “Wish we had a few more moments before the next batch show up.  Should we wake Pikea?  You know Chekov is going to want to hold her.  And they’re all going to want to see the crib.  Sulu will have brought a plant as a gift.  I’m guessing something traditional, with all kinds of symbolism.  He’s good at that.”  He raised his hands to frame Khan’s face.  “Just smile for me once?”

"Jim." Khan protested softly at being asked to smile on demand. His eyebrows dropped as he frowned slightly. He searched his face, but then scoffed at himself, unable to determine why Jim was suddenly so fixated on the idea. But with a sigh, and genuine warmth to his eyes, Khan stared at Jim a little longer until the sight of him began to inspire a small pull at the corners of his mouth, evolving into an affectionate smile.

Jim kissed the smile softly and said, “Thank you, Noonien.  You are dead sexy when you smile.”  The door chimer buzzed, almost anxiously to Jim’s mind, and he glanced that direction with a smile that widened into a cheeky grin.  “Ready for the clowns?”


	22. Chapter 22

Jim refused to tell Khan anything about the planet, except to assure him (and reassure him) that there was nothing dangerous at all.  Weeks of exploration (as the flora was just too amazing and leading to all kinds of medicinal finds) with no sign of trouble of any kind.  There were no lifeforms of any threat (everything seemed to be herbivorous, which had led to a few Vulcan jokes before Spock glared McCoy silent), no diseases, no crazy weather.  There was just lovely scenery, perfect climate and a veritable garden of Eden (unlike the Eden discovered by the band of space hippies who’d once tried to hijack the Enterprise) otherwise.   

But Jim didn’t want to spoil the surprise awaiting his lover by telling him all of this, even though Khan was hypervigilant about anything that might endanger Pikea.  

Jim glanced at the picnic basket and blanket, all packed and ready to go by the door to their quarters, along with the baby bag carrying all of Pikea’s assorted needs.  All that was required now were Khan and the baby in question.  “Hey, aren’t you ready yet?  I thought you wanted some fresh air!” he called toward the nursery.  “I better not discover that you’ve put Pikea in a plastic bubble or armor or something like that.”

"No bubble. No armor," Khan said back calmly. Though designing protective clothing was among Khan's hobbies these days, even if much of it would go unused until she was older. Carried in a sling across the front of Khan's chest, Pikea was nestled in close to her birth father. She had grown accustomed to traveling around like this, though when she got bored, she often started to suck and chew on the fabric. But her boredom was short lived, as Khan would talk to her as he worked, and if he had a shift in the medical bay, it also meant having the attention of doctors and nurses on duty that day as well.

"We are ready." Khan said, pressing a hand to Pikea's back, ensuring once more that it was a snug fit.

Jim couldn’t help the sappy grin he got on his face everytime he saw Khan carrying Pikea in her baby sling and walked over to greet them both with a quick kiss to the cheek.  “Good.  We’ve got so much to see.”  He picked up all of the assorted bundles and headed out the door.  “We’re getting a full four hours planetside to do what we like, before anyone else beams down, and I’d like to enjoy them.  I’ve picked out a perfect spot, though you’re going to have to take my word for it until we arrive.”

They made the Transporter Room in record time, finding Chekov at the controls, with Scotty close beside him.  The two men took their roles as Pikea’s ‘cousins’ very seriously, which was more worrisome than anything, and Jim wondered how they’d settled who was behind the controls for Pikea’s very first transport.

“Gentlemen,” he said with a warm grin.  “We’re ready for our adventure.”

“Aye, Keptin,” Chekov said with an answering smile.  “Ve shall make sure the trip down is smooth.”  He turned his liquid brown eyes to Khan.  “How is she, Meester Khan?”

"She has been talking all morning, thank you, Ensign." Of course, Pikea lacked actual vocabulary, but she was exceptional at mimicking tone of voice and cadence. As sometimes, when Khan or Jim spoke to her, she would respond with the inflection of sounds that made herself quite clear:

'No, father. Not that one. I like the other one better. Hand it to me.' 

Khan stood on the platform with his hand pressed supportive against her back, feeling somewhat anxious on her behalf. In seven months, she had yet to cry, and Khan hated to think that this would be her first distressing experience. "She is excited to make this trip, as am I. So gently, please, gentlemen." 

“Dinna fear,” Scotty assured him.  “The wee babe will be well looked after.  Gave everything a full check myself.”

“Thank you, Mr. Scott,” Jim said, feeling warmed by how much his crew cared about Pikea’s health and safety.  He took his spot next to Khan on the pad.  “Energize, Mr. Chekov.”

“Energizing, Keptin,” Chekov said and activated the beams, which carried them swiftly down to the planet.

As they rematerialized on the planet, Jim stretched out his hand and waved it before him in an all encompassing gesture to the horizon.  “Welcome to Paudhā.”

They stood in the middle of a lush grassland, with green stalks waving in the light, warm, refreshing breeze that stretched in every direction around them.  An unimpaired river cut through this valley of plants, meandering here and there, sometimes with a wide channel of up to a hundred feet and sometimes narrowing down in a side channel to just a foot or two.  The water ran lazily, as if basking under the perfect warmth of the golden sun that beamed from a sky bluer than anything on Earth.  A few puffy clouds drifted along to add a spot of white here and there.  In the far distance to the north stood a jagged row of snowy mountains, like the teeth of some incredible beast, pointed and sharp.  A much lower and more friendly-looking series of green hillocks rose to the east, close enough for the men to hike to, had they the mind.  And just behind them, a smile copse of trees stood invitingly, a bit of shade in this otherwise vast plain.

“Well, what do you think?” Jim asked.  “Was it worth a surprise?”

 As they landed on the planet, Pikea fussed quietly within the sling.  _ What was that? What just happened? That felt strange.  _ But Khan kept his hand pressed to her, which was always a source of comfort she could rely on. All would become clear to her soon enough. 

First, Khan needed to take a moment. Just for himself. Tipping his head back, facing the sunlight, Khan drank in the Earth-like environment as a plant would, after being kept in the dark too long. He basked in the fresh air, the smell of grass and soil, the slight crisp touch to the breeze that must have come off the snowy mountains. "Beautiful, Jim," Khan said, humming with pleasure. He took in several deep breaths at a time; it had been far too long since he had been able to travel planet-side. He had needed this. Taking a step closer, Khan smiled warmly as he pressed an affectionate, thankful, almost humble kiss to the side of Jim's face. "Thank you. This is perfect."

Jim enjoyed the nearer view of Khan drinking in the vast spaces around them, although the soft whine from Pikea distracted him for a moment.  But if his lover wasn’t worried, he knew he did not need to be.  So, he quickly lifted his gaze back to Khan’s rapturous expression.

With his own flush of pleasure at having delighted Khan this much, Jim said, “Yeah, as soon as we beamed down here for the first time, I knew this is where I wanted Pikea’s first trip planetside to be.  She may not really remember it, but we will.  And I wanted it for you, Noonien.  You’ve been cooped up for too long on the Enterprise.  It’s time we started getting you some fresh air and sunshine, too.  Get a little color in your uber pale.”  He lifted a hand to playfully stroke Khan’s cheek.

Though engineered, Khan felt very strongly about Earth, or in this case, Earth-like environments. Perhaps it was the wild, almost animal side of him, or perhaps the initial sense of instilled loyalty to Earth, to make it a better world. But Khan had grown hungry for this, a natural breeze and warm sunlight, and was starting to feel content, feeding and satisfying that wild part of him. "Thank you, Jim," Khan said again, this time turning his head inwards to kiss Jim on the palm of his hand. Finally however, Khan reached into the sling and supporting his daughter in his arms, lifted her up to the sight of this world.

For a moment, Pikea squinted against the natural light. But then her face relaxed at the warmth of it. This was quite unlike the artificial lights of home. She blinked a few times as her small eyes adjusted, then went wide with wonder.  _ Green. Blue. So many shades of green and blue. Do you see that? Look at those colors! _ She began to strike up a conversation again. 

Jim laughed softly and delightedly at Pikea’s response and said, “Yes, this is a beautiful place.  There are so many different places all over the universe, and you’re going to get to see just a few of them.  But I bet your eyes will always be that wide ‘cause you’re our daughter.  How can you not have inherited a desire to see everything, touch everything, know everything?”  He leaned in to kiss her cheek and lightly stroke over her tiny jaw.  “Shall we take a short walk before lunch, Noonien?  We can show Pikea some of the other wonders up close.  The animals here have never seen hominid lifeforms, so they’re totally unafraid.  Some of them are even quite curious.  This river has a lot of animal life.”  He pulled out his tricorder and handed it to Khan, to let his lover choose where to go and assure him that nothing out there was a threat to their baby.  “See for yourself.”

Taking the tricorder, Khan quickly dissected the information. Looking up a few of the animals that had already been observed. The native deer, which were no larger then house cats. A sort-of ox, with four horns and two tusks for digging up roots. About a dozen species of birds, and another dozen of fish. Pikea babbled happily, looking between her fathers expectantly. "Yes, I think so too." Khan said in answer to her proclamation. "We'll go down to the water and put our toes in before lunch."

“Awesome.  Does Pikea get to dangle her toes, too?  I bet she’ll love the feeling of water trickling over her little feet.”  Since Khan held a tricorder in one hand and supported Pikea with the other, Jim placed his hand on the small of Khan’s back to be near him.  He’d set down the bags, the food sealed tight from any curious wildlife, for their picnic later.  “There’s some sort of amphibious life in the river that is curious about us and likes to bump against any body part placed in the water.  Very gently.  It tickles.  And they’re beautiful- a few feet long and a soft blue, which allows them to hide in the water.  I bet Pikea will make a lot of noise when one of those approaches.”

"Yes, Pikea, too. Everyone gets to go in the water," Khan said, walking down the gentle slope towards the nearest bend in the river. He maintained his hold on the tricorder as he went though, still reading up on some of the animals and vegetation. He was also keeping track of what wildlife was nearby and after a few minutes, not even half way to the river's edge, the augment stopped abruptly. Kneeling down, Khan placed the tricorder on the ground as he shifted Pikea in his arms so that her legs tangled, feet nearly touching the ground. "Quietly, Pikea. Look there, stay quiet and they might come closer." Khan had his eyes fixed on a point just ahead of them where a few blades of grass didn't blow in the wind. Instead, these small points remained stiff against the breeze, or shifted against the wind as the animal they belonged to moved in the high grass. It took a moment, but their patience was well rewarded when a family of the small native deer began to nose their way through the grass to get a closer look as the new, strange animals. "Quietly." He said once more, feeling her excitement build as she caught sight of the animals. 

Jim always felt so awkward next to Khan, so he dropped a step behind to let Khan lead and tried to be as quiet as possible.  When the augment stopped, he froze in place and barely breathed, waiting for whatever was to be revealed.  He could hear the soothing voice of Khan speaking to their daughter and noted that he held Pikea close to the ground, so whatever was near did not trip any augmented alarms.  And when the tiny deer head poked through the grass to gaze at them with frankly curious brown eyes, he found himself grinning despite himself.  “The scientists call them Pronkers, since they can jump as high as any Earth deer when startled.  But mostly, I think of them as Underfooters, since once they noted we were not attacking, they basically circled us and got everywhere we were trying to go.”

Khan grinned as he exchanged a look with Jim, but only for a second. Even with these peaceful animals, Khan did not take his eyes off his daughter for any longer. But she was well and not in distress. She was curious and had managed to keep from squealing in delight, though a few whimpering, happy sounds did manage to slip out. "What do you think, Pikea? They are about your size." 

Pikea hummed happily, legs squirming in place as an outlet of her delight. She started to talk to the deer, as they were slowly encompassed by the family group. Though frowned and gave Khan a very frustrated look when the deer didn't respond to her as either of her father's did. 

"They don't understand you, Pikea," Khan said, remaining patient with her and the animals.  Two curious deer stretched out their necks to sniff the baby. Then discovering that if they licked at Khan's knuckles, they would get a taste of salt, the deer began to close in, their small tongues lapping quickly for a taste. But they were unable to discern the difference between Khan's hands, and the child he held. 

Now, Pikea couldn't help it and laughed with joy, which acted as an explosion to the deer who scattered and leapt away at the sudden noise. 

Jim laughed with Pikea, as the deer lived up to their names and practically flew across the plains.  “It’s like they have bird bones,” he said to both daughter and lover.  “They’re so light that even with the slightly higher gravity here, they just soar with each jump.  They’re amazing, aren’t they, Pikea?  Even if they can’t talk to you in the same way we do.  Come on, let’s meet more animals and see if they’re just as awesome.”  He knelt to tickle his baby’s feet himself, scootching lightly over the bottom.  “Just wait ‘til you see the water.”

The deer all but flew away, and Pikea was even more delighted by that sight. She expressed this to Jim and listened when he spoke to her.  _ Yes, everything was amazing. Everyone was amazing. Amazing was a great word. Amazing! Amazing! _ She laughed as Jim tickled her, drawing up her feet until her whole body nearly became a ball in Khan's hands. 

"Imagine them jumping down the corridors on the Enterprise. That will be Pikea, soon," Khan said, as he lifted her back up, holding her in one arm as the tricorder once more with his other hand. 

“Yeah, she’s going to wear everyone out with her antics when she gets old enough,” Jim agreed, smiling at the thought.  “Good thing you’re equipped to deal with that much energy.”  He pressed close to his family, one arm around Khan’s neck and the other resting lightly near Pikea.  “Any day, I expect her to use actual words, instead of just sounds.  She’s so expressive, Noonien.”  He gazed at his daughter with a wonder that never dimmed.  “It was obvious just how much she loved those deer...we’ll have to put Pomphrey with her tonight.  She can tell him all about the other creatures she met today.”  Pikea loved the tribble, petting and holding him in her tiny hands, while Pomphrey signalled his return affection by nearly purring himself apart.

"You're right. In a way, she has already bypassed the baby-talk stage. I feel she may simply being to speak in full Standard sentences any day now. Her sentence structure is clearly there." 

As Jim and Khan talked over her, Pikea listened, then grumbled a bit. She was talking just fine. They understood her, didn't they? Maybe if she didn't hear a dozen different languages each day, she could pick one to focus on emulating. Really, what did they expect? She would show them.

Nearing the river, the ground got a little softer, but not dangerously. Still, Khan was careful and sought out a patch of sand and pebble as the site they would settle on for the time being. A few feet away from them, the water flowed gently and sparkled in the sunlight, clear and untouched. "Here we are," Khan said, once they stopped. Turning, Khan handed Pikea off to Jim for the moment, giving him his fair turn at being responsible. "Let me put my feet in first."

Jim carefully cradled Pikea in one arm and held her up so she could watch Khan with him.  “See, your papa is very careful about everything.  He’s going in first to make sure the water’s safe for us.”  They watched him for a moment, before he continued, ”But that’s boring to watch because papa never does anything fun, like fall in the water.  Let’s look at the mountains.”  He turned so that they could see the distant peaks.  “Aren’t they beautiful, Pikea?  On behalf of Mr. Spock, who pretends he doesn’t know how not to be literal sometimes, Uhura named them Le-matya’s Maw.  Isn’t that a clever name, Pikea?  They do look like the teeth of some giant predator.  Sulu and Chekov are planning to climb them…”  He trailed off and looked a little wistful.  In times past, he would have happily joined them in the expedition, but he was a father now.  He nuzzled into the soft hair of Pikea’s head and confided, “You’re more of an adventure than anything I’ve ever done, little one.”

Well, those mountains seemed very far away. She hoped that she would see Sulu and Chekov again. Until today, Pikea had not had much exposure to objects or people at great distances. She could make sense of how far something was away from her, even in the longest corridor on the Enterprise, but those mountains represented a new scale of measurement she had not been exposed to before now. To her, it was simply far. So far, that she could not imagine anyone returning from there. Pikea expressed this concern to Jim in a very serious tone and a point of her fingers.

Jim beamed as Pikea indicated the mountains with her fingers and said, “Yeah, they are big, but that’s exactly what Uncles Chekov and Sulu like, Pikea.  They’ll be over in a few days, once they’re done, to tell us all about their exciting adventure.  They like to do things the old-fashioned way, with no real technology, except a constant lock on them, should they get into trouble.”  He kissed the top of her head and said, “Before, I would have been a member of the party.  Not sure if they found someone else to go with them.  There is that cute ensign Sulu likes…”

Khan, meanwhile, had rolled up his pants to his upper thigh and taken off his shoes and was currently standing knee-deep in the pristine water, which held no undercurrent and simply flowed just as slowly as it appeared on the surface. Satisfied, Khan sloshed out of the water to stand near Jim and pressed his nose and lips to the back of his head. He was pleased with this outing Jim had given them. He sighed happily and smiled against the back of his head before starting to gently tug Pikea's socks off her feet. "Ready to try out the water? There is lots to look at."

Pikea pointed out the mountains to Khan this time because it was really far and it was concerning. Except that neither Jim nor Khan appeared to be sharing her concerns. Alright. Alright, fine. She would try not to think about it. But she was definitely going to have words with Sulu and Chekov about it. As her thought process trailed off, Pikea watched Khan free her toes.

Khan’s return distracted Jim in a pleasant way, and he glanced at his lover with a warm smile.  “All systems go then?” he asked and watched as Pikea’s tiny feet were exposed to the air.  “You want to do the honors?”  

"I think you should, Jim," Khan said, wanting Jim to be brave with Pikea when it came to doing new things. Though Jim might still have his worries, Khan wasn't going to let him be a hesitant father. So to encourage him or rather, to prevent there being from any excuses otherwise, Khan squatted down and began to roll up the hem of Jim's pant legs for him, since his hands were full. 

“Sweet,” Jim said with a grin.  “I’m looking forward to seeing her face at the first sensation of water, real stream water, trickling over her tootsies.  Speaking of which, help me with my boots, too, please?”  He began to toe them off, along with his socks.

“Did you see Pikea point at the mountains?  They really seem to excite her.  She has good instincts, since they’re pretty inspiring, even from this distance.  I was telling her about Chekov and Sulu mountaineering up them.  Did they tell you if they were taking Ensign Remy with them?  Chekov may end up feeling like a third wheel, if they do.”

Khan nodded at Jim's instruction and helped him with his boots and socks as well, then remaining in his crouched position, looked up at Jim and their daughter in his arms. "The mountains are beautiful. It's quite an extensive range. Perhaps when you are older, Pikea, we will go for a hike in mountains like that." He said, his hand resting on Jim's leg with a smile. "Ensign Remy was not mentioned to me, but I am also not privy to all such manners of information and gossip." 

“You’re not kidding about that,” Jim enthused.  “We should teach her how to mountaineer the old-fashioned way.  I bet you know how.  Better than me.”  He snickered at the now old joke between them and headed for the pleasant stream. Picking his way carefully into the calm water, he stopped in the middle and knelt down slowly.  “Look, Pikea.  Look at how perfect this water is.  You can see every rock around us and all the fish and other life.  And you’re going to put your little baby feet in it.  Ready?  Here we go!”  He eased her down until her feet were in the water and paused to gauge her reaction. 

_ Ok, but there were things in the water! This was not the bath tub on the Enterprise. The bath tub did not have things swimming around in it! THINGS!!! Seriously, do you not see that!? LOOK THERE IS ANOTHER ONE!  _ Pikea was wide eyed, pointing and kicking at the water and laughing hysterically _. Ok, that one! Did you see that one at least!? That one had neon blue spots!  _ Pikea exclaimed over every sight, even as her body began to naturally mimic the motions of treading water like a puppy might, even though only her toes were submerged. 

Pikea’s laughter always triggered Jim’s, and he found himself sharing her delight in everything, setting her further in the water, all the way up to just under her diaper.  “Yes, the water is awesome!  And those are fish.  Let me see, the speckled one is called a Speckled Band.  Someday, you’ll understand the reference because you are definitely reading Sherlock Holmes.  That neon blue is an amphibian, like an Earth salamander, but not quite.  Those are called Aos, named by Sulu.  He also named the tiny little eels, Sunnari.  Seriously, we explorers just have to name everything.”  His eyes widened, and he pointed at the large, approaching salamander.  “Here comes an Ao, Pikea.  They don’t have any teeth and are completely harmless, but they like to see what’s up.  Isn’t she a beaut?”

As the large salamander approached underwater, walking, drifting along the pebbles of the river bed, Pikea went very still. It was quite like a baby fawn laying still in tall grass while a predator walked by. Except that she wasn't scared. Still, with seeing something so large, it was a natural instinct. Her eyes were wide and completely taken in by the approaching animal. 

Khan meanwhile had waded back into the water and though he, too, was keeping an eye on Pikea, he also bent over to drop his hands in the water, patiently letting the river wildlife swim around and through his fingertips. In a way, Khan was just as curious as Pikea, but he was also showing her not to be afraid. 

“Here she is,” Jim whispered, as the Ao bumped at his feet with a large, blunt nose.  He tucked Pikea into one hand and dropped the other to stroke the smooth skin, which made the Ao’s skin shiver and back arch into the fingers.  “See, she likes that, Pikea.  Would you like to touch?  You can pet her just like you pet Pomphrey.  She feels very different, but her skin is soft and smooth.  Tonight, you can tell Pomphrey all about all the other animals you met.  But you gotta make sure you reassure him that you love him best.  He’s sensitive that way.”

Ok, everyone else was touching the things in the water. Pikea wanted to touch, too. But she babbled in agreement, saying something very close to 'pom-rey' as she talked about her best friend, the tribble. But then without squealing or kicking, Pikea reached with both hands towards the water, wanting to touch the curious Ao for herself. Seeing this, Khan picked up where Jim left off, petting the animal like some sort of strange under-water cat, which bowed and arched to each touch. Keeping the Ao's attention close to the surface so that Pieka might touch it as well. "Gently." He said.

Jim heard the name in her sounds and turned a huge smile to Khan.  “Did you hear her, Noonien?  That was close to Pomphrey's name!”  He chuckled and eased Pikea closer to the water to let her touch the Ao without strain.  Wouldn’t it just be like a daughter of ours to have her first word be the name of her companion animal?  And a crazy long name at that.”  He nearly vibrated with happiness, as everything seemed so perfect in this moment.  Check that, everything was perfect.  He leaned forward to kiss the back of Pikea’s head and then edged over to kiss Khan’s cheek, without taking Pikea far from the Ao.

"Perhaps I have grown too accustomed to her language, I feel like everything she says, is nearly the word she means," Khan said with a smile, watching her as she got to pet the Ao, small fingers trying to figure out what to call the texture. "Perhaps she speaks to Pomphrey in full English sentences when we are not around ... and uses this language on us, to see how smart we are. Hm?" 

Pikea however did not confirm or deny this, as she was too awestruck with the new animal. Who was totally cool. But not as cool as Pomphrey, who was her best friend, ever. 

Jim made a face at him and said, “She’s only seven months old, Noonien.  Her cognitive abilities are way off the charts already.  I don’t think we have to get too carried away.”  He rested a cheek in her soft hair as he held Pikea close to the water.  “I’m not in a rush for her to grow up on me.  I’d love her even if she never talked.  And you’re right, she has a language of her own right now...I wish I could understand it as well as I think she understands us.”  He bobbed her up and down in the water, which made the Ao swim in a circle, almost dancing around them.  

Pikea grinned and raised her hands in the air as Jim pretended to dunk her. This was a lot of fun! Everything was bright and colorful and there were animals and she had both her fathers together. This was the best.

Shuffling his feet against the pebbles underfoot so that he didn't step on any of the animals swimming around their ankles, Khan pressed a hand against Jim's back, standing at his side. "You are a wonderful father, Jim," Khan said softly, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as a sense of peace spread through him. He loved this. Their family. 

“I’m a total sap,” Jim said with a little, abashed smile.  “I’ve never been a sap before.”  He watched their happy child for a moment.  “Do you think it would be safe to swim for a little with her?  Maybe you could float on your back and have her on your stomach, while I paddle around beside?  We’d have to take off the rest of our uniforms...but the day is perfect, and we’ve got nowhere to be.”

"Yes, I think that is manageable." And what did it matter anyway, if they had to lay out in the grass fields to dry off for a bit, it could easily turn into the time they stop to eat the picnic Jim had prepared for them. Returning to shore, Khan stripped down out of his remaining layer, save for his boxers. The sun felt good against his back, it felt familiar, echoing back to a life he barely remembered when he looked at his new family. Allowing himself to lay back in the water, the stream gently pulled at his long hair, spreading it out like a fan around his head. "Here we go, Pikea-" Khan said, patting his chest to show her that his chest would float in water, that she was safe there. "What do you think?"

Jim carefully eased Pikea on Khan’s chest, belly down and facing her father’s head.  “Look how broad your father’s chest is, Pikea.  You have so much room to spread out and see how swimming works.”  Confident that his lover had a good hold on their daughter, he ducked in for a quick kiss to perfect lips and headed for shore to disrobe.  In mere moments, the water splashed as Jim dove into the perfect depths and swam by the pair.  A second later, his head poked out of the water right beside where Pikea lay on Khan, and he said, “Pikea-boo!”

Laying on her stomach, but hands firmly on Khan's chest so that she was sitting up, Pikea took some time figuring out how her father had become a human life-raft. Everything else in the water, the fish, the stones, the grasses, they were all under the surface. But not Khan. He was floating on top. And now so was Jim. Sort of. Just his head was. The rest of him was under water. Reaching out, Pikea patted his face in greeting. He was fine. He was alright. Even if it was just his head.

Letting himself float close to the shallows, Khan lifted his head from time to time to check on Pikea, or to look to one side, or another, ensuing that he was not about to drift into a boulder. Meanwhile, a half dozen of very small fish that tended to follow the Ao around, were now huddled under Khan's watery shadow, following around this much bigger fish for protection. 

Jim kissed the small hands that touched his face gently and said, “Yes, your father’s an excellent boat.  I wish I could ride on Khan’s chest like that, but we’d all sink.  Like this!”  He let himself submerge under the water and swam in a circle around his lover, before emerging again.  “Pikea-boo!”  He laughed at his own silliness and said to Khan, “You’ve acquired a harem of fish.  They’re hanging really close to your sides and underneath you, too.  Makes me think there must be predators around here to them, at least.  Although they’re totally unafraid of you.  The Ao’s basically swimming alongside, too.  We’re the universe’s most awesome aquatic parade.”

Pikea giggled and pushed to sit up on all fours so that she could see more of what was in the water, and where they were going. 

Khan glanced out of the corner of his eye; he could not see the fish, but did catch sight of the Ao following along. "Perhaps the birds snatch them up as snacks, if they do not have larger cover. I did not see any aquatic life on the list what would issue any concern for Pikea or ourselves." Khan let himself drift down river a little more, enjoying the sunny day, the cool water, and the strange adopted family that was swimming around them. Near the next bend, Khan let his shoulders beach, and carefully sat up. With both hands on Pikea, Khan turned her to sit in his watery lap, feeling it would be no trouble to change her out of her wet clothes later. With a hand under her tummy, Khan helped Pikea to float on her own, so that she could enjoy the sensation and feel like she was doing it all herself. 

“Soggy diaper,” Jim sing-songed and then dove back under the water.  He swam around the large plunge pool within Pikea’s view, poking his head up for breaths and little cheers for Pikea.  “See, one day, you can do this!” he called to her, watching as Khan let her float around on the safety of his strong arm.  “Your father is a great swimmer, too.”  He swam over to them and sat on the bank, dripping water everywhere.  “In fact, I think he should show you.  Go on, Noonien, swim around some.  I’ll watch Pikea for awhile.”

"Hm," Khan hesitated; not that he didn't trust Jim with their daughter, but he simply did not want to get too far away from them. Then handing Pikea over to Jim so that she could float in his arms, Khan pushed himself back into the river until his feet no longer touched the bottom. It did feel nice to stretch his arms and legs like this. Doing a few laps across the shorter distances between each side of the river, Khan then dove down under the surface for several minutes, before swimming up to Jim, a handful of small stones that were marbled metallic black and gold. "Caught my eye." He said simply, showing Jim. 

Jim, meanwhile, alternated between letting Pikea watch her father, to flying her above his head.  He loved his little girl something fierce, and her laughter made everything else about life good, too.  And when Khan surfaced, he scooped her back in his arms so they could both see what Khan had brought them.  “Look, Pikea, papa brought us presents!  Isn’t he the best papa ever?  What have we got here?”  He lifted one of the perfect pebbles and held it out for Pikea to touch.  “Shall we keep one, Pikea? A souvenir of your first ever visit to a planet?”  He leaned over to kiss Khan’s cheek.

Pikea gave Jim a look as he spoke...well obviously that is what they should do. She liked the shiny object, and maybe didn't care so much that it represented her first planet, but more so that it represented both her parents, so deeply mixed and intertwined, even with their extreme differences, were still as one. Like the pebble.

Though after a moment, Pikea gave a very large yawn and turned into Jim where she promptly began to gnaw on his arm and suck on his arm hair. 

Khan chuckled at this as he reached out, understanding what she was after. "Apparently it is time to eat."

“Oops, and I’m totally useless in this regard,” Jim said with a little frown.  “I’d like to be able to feed you, baby, but until you’re on solids, that’s not my job.”  He carefully handed her over to Khan with a rueful little sigh.  “Fortunately, papa has exactly what you need.  Want to go back to the picnic site or feed her here and put her down for her nap while we eat?”  His fingers lingered on her back, before he traced them down Khan’s arm and returned his hand to his side.  

"What do you want, little one?" Khan asked, holding her in his arm, almost the same way he had on the day she was born. 

Pikea huffed, drinking off some of the water from Khan's chest before finding a nipple and sucking languidly. 

"Looks like we'll stay put a minute or two." Khan said, petting the top of her head as he watched her manage the impossible...drinking his milk. Khan was producing less every week, so the rest of her meals were supplemented with formula, but what he did manage to provide her, always appeared to be satisfactory. "She will likely fall asleep as we walk back, then we can indulge in the picnic you prepared." 

Jim leaned into Khan and dropped his head to rest against his lover’s, watching their baby feed.  “All this activity made her hungry,” he said, careful not to disturb either member of his family.  “Very hungry.  Greedy little baby.”  His voice was stuffed full of love for his daughter, with just a hint of wistfulness that he only got to watch this part.  “I’m giving her her formula later, if she needs it...though I’m looking forward to just getting to spend some time with you before than.”  He lightly kissed the crown of Khan’s head, not wanting to get frisky while the augment was nursing, though it did remind him of the waning time to explore some lactation fantasies.  (He was always going to be Jim Kirk, after all.)

"Sunshine. Fresh air. Landscape. Animals. New experiences. It takes a lot of energy, for one so small. Builds an appetite. And the need to rest," Khan said fondly, pleased that in this way, she was like an average human baby, that took the time to rest as she developed. Resting his hand gently over the side of her face to shield her eyes from the sun, Khan lightly began to pet her dark, soft hair. Turning his attention to Jim, Khan smiled at the kiss. "May I have another one?" he asked, head turned and neck arched just enough that it did not disturb Pikea. 

“With pleasure,” Jim purred and kissed Khan’s mouth, a sweet kiss that lingered for a long moment.  “How was that?  Did I satisfy your needs, Noonien?”  He left his mouth close enough to brush over the skin of his lover’s cheek, the lightest of touches.  “I never want to leave you finding me insufficient.”  His mouth quirked up in a smile, as if saying, “How could anyone find me insufficient?”

"Mmm," Khan hummed, eyes lightly downward as they lingered on the sight of Jim's mouth. "It will do for now." Though, now that he had a taste of it, Khan claimed another kiss from him, enjoying the sweet exchange. "Yes ... more of that later," he said.

As Pikea finished her lunch, her hands relaxed against Khan's chest and her eyes struggled to stay open as she quickly began to tire and need sleep.

"Alright." Khan said softly, keeping her safely in his arms as he stood. "Let's head back. Pikea can nap while we have our picnic." 

“I’ll gather up our clothes,” Jim said.  “We can redress after we dry out some.  Though we should change her soggy diaper before she completely conks out on us.  She won’t be happy waking up all damp.”  He hurried to grab all of his and Khan’s things, before rejoining his lover.  “Ready.  Let’s march.”  He took up the lead and hummed a jaunty tune for them to move to, hoping to keep Pikea awake just long enough to get her back and change her diaper.  

"Thank you, Jim," Khan said as they headed back up the river, leaving the Ao and the other aquatic life behind. Giving Pikea his thumb for her to suck on (though, she was starting to gnaw on it these days as her first teeth were starting to push through), Khan followed after Jim as they headed back up the hill to where they had left everything behind. But even with Jim's singing and Khan's thumb, Pikea had a full stomach and a full brain that needed some rest and had fallen asleep by the time they reached their supplies. "If you lay out the blanket, I can change her here," Khan said, feeling that it would be all the easier to change her into something dry while she was asleep. "Then we can stay here on the hill, if you like, or walk on a little further. What would you prefer?"

“We can stay here,” Jim decided, looking around at the view.  “The trees right over there will be perfect to prevent me from lobsterfying.”  He trotted over to deposit their clothes, before returning to fetch the basket and baby bag he’d left before.  “Let me just spread out a blanket for you to change her on and while you do that, I’ll build her a little nest to sleep in.  Then we can enjoy our lunch, which I promise is more than worth the wait.”  He hustled back to the trees and quickly arranged a blanket, change of diaper and small towel for Khan to work with, before beginning to build Pikea a safe nest to nap in.  He finished that off with her stuffed elephant.  

"Thank you, Jim," Khan said, as he knelt down and placed Pikea on the blanket. Manipulating her limbs, Khan pulled off her wet clothes, dried her off, then redressed her in a fresh diaper and blouse. Khan spoke to her softly as he did this, even though she was deeply asleep. Then using the sling that he normally wore across his chest, Khan placed her inside so that it would act as a cocoon once she was in the nest Jim had made for her. "This is perfect," he said, setting Pikea down to rest in the shaded area. Sitting back on his ankles, Khan nodded to himself, then looked over to Jim, looking happy and relaxed.

“She trusts you so much,” Jim observed, even as he set out their own blanket and began assembling food.  “Not even a peep from her as you removed her clothes and redressed her again.  I don’t think she’d have been quite that accommodating to me.  I’ll have to watch you and see if I can learn the secret.”  His head raised from his work, so he could grin openly at Khan.  “Is she hugging Mugwump?” he asked, which is what he had named her elephant (for no reason in particular).  “He’s not as good as Pomphrey, but he’ll do in a pinch.  It’s too bad we couldn’t trust Pomphrey and bring him with us.  But she’d cry if anything happened to that silly ball of fur.”  

Though Uhura and Jim had both expressed the desire to learn Khan's secret in a few aspects of childcare, Khan did not think there was much secret to it. Still, over coffee with Uhura (which he was happy to drink again), or privately with Jim, the augment was willing and patient in explaining the reason behind some of his actions, the how and why he had success in certain areas of parenting so far. "She's too tired to care, I think." Khan said, bowing down, low, on all fours as he kissed the side of her face as she cuddled up to the toy. "Yes," Khan said as he stood to join Jim, "she is hugging the elephant around his middle. I'm sure in a number of months she will have worked all the stuffing to one end or another.

"Introducing a species like a tribble to a foreign environment could have devastating effects. Not only could Pomphrey get eaten up by a passing predator, but he could easily gorge himself on a patch of grass and within hours, days, the entire ecosystem would be devastated. It's enough, as explorers, that we leave dead skin cells or breathe out carbon dioxide, when it could very easily have devastating effects to a delicate planet."

“You, Sir, are a pessimist,” Jim said with a little shake of his head.  “There are always risks when you explore new planets, but we have minimized them as much as possible.  We’re not going to ruin the planet, Noonien.  And I’m not going to let Pomphrey run or waddle, whatever it is he does, through the vegetation, eat a swath and produce a zillion tribbles to destroy the world.  Really, sometimes I think you don’t approve of our mission at all.”  He rolled his eyes and went back to the picnic basket, carefully setting out a few more of Khan’s favorite foods. 

"That is not how I feel at all, Jim. I approve of your mission. I am simply stating the probability. One day, we might find a species which finds us toxic, either from how we expel oxygen, to the frequency at which we, or our technology communicate." Khan sat down and watched Jim spread out the foods for them, recognizing the treats Jim had provided with a grin. 

“And then you can hit me with an ‘I told you so’ and look all smug...smugger, whatever,” Jim said and pulled out a bottle of wine for them to share.  “Something a little different today.  Managed to smuggle a few of these aboard with me when we left Earth.  They’re as old as you are, Noonien.  Well, this one is a little younger.  I have a couple that are older.  We’ll use one at our wedding.  For now, this will do, a 2006 Screaming Eagle Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon.  Fancy even at the time, I guess.  The elder Spock gave it to me before we left...and the other bottles.  Maybe the other me was a wine drinker?  That seems unlikely.”  He pulled out the cork with quiet fanfare and poured them each a glass.  

The elder Spock. The other Jim Kirk. Khan would quietly wonder about these things from time to time, their other selves, other universes. The truth was, he hoped to never meet a version of himself from another reality. It would likely, and easily turn into a very bad day. He was happy with the life he had now with Jim, and his role on the Enterprise, as scientist, engineer, friend, lover, and father. "Thank you, Jim. This is quite special," he said, accepting the glass of wine.

“This is a special event,” Jim said.  “Pikea’s first planetary adventure and an overdue family day for us.  That’s worth a toast.  To the Kirk family- Noonien, Pikea and Jim.  And all variations thereof.”  He raised his glass in the air and invited the other man to join in the salute.  

Khan agreed with Jim fully, and with a nod, touched their glasses of wine carefully together. Then bringing the rim of the wine glass to his lips, Khan took a conservative sip, literally getting a taste from a time long ago. Letting the flavour saturate his tongue, Khan swallowed it down with a breath. "I know I have been saying it all afternoon, but thank you, Jim. I needed this. The air. The sunshine. The grass. The time to spend, just with you and Pikea."

 “Yeah, this couldn’t have been a nicer find,” Jim said, sipping at his own wine and making a slight face.  Wine really wasn’t his drink.  “I’m glad for a chance to let you stretch your legs and let Pikea see something other than the ship.  You know, if you need to work off some energy, you can run around to your heart’s delight out here.  Hell, I’d be able to see you in all directions.  Maybe you can rig up the back carrier and take Pikea on the ride of her infancy.”  He smiled at the idea and sipped some more of his wine.  “I am looking forward to telling the older Spock about us…and Pikea.  He can be her godgrandfather.”

 A run would be nice. Or even swimming against the current, upstream. If Khan could allow himself to leave Jim and Pikea for a time, to address his own needs. An indulgence. A concept the augment was still tackling over time. Serving his family came first. But if Jim wanted this for him, then in a way it was serving his family. He would consider it.

"You are?" Khan asked, startled out of his own stream of consciousness. "Why?"

Jim considered and said quietly, “After Pike, the elder Spock has been the other person to most vociferously support me.  He’s an unusual old Vulcan...more prone to show how he feels than most Vulcans and more confident in himself than our Spock.  And he believes in me, even though I’m apparently very different than his Jim Kirk.  Anyway, I think he’d also be a good influence on Pikea.  He’s strong and wise and kind.  He’d make a good grandfather.  And neither one of us has a grandfather to offer up, so…”  He looked over to where Pikea slept in her little nest.  “Every kid deserves a grandparent to spoil her.”

 Khan turned his head to share Jim's gaze. He doubted that either Spock would spoil Pikea. But he did trust that Commander Spock would treat her well, protect her if he could, and educate her. That same trust could easily be extended to the elder Spock. Except that Khan did not know him. He existed, and he was a representative from another universe, that was all Khan knew.

Khan took another sip of his wine. The elder Spock was a positive influence in Jim's like, so it was fair to assume that he could be a good influence in Pikea's life as well. It was already a great tragedy that Admiral Pike was no longer apart of Jim's life, and the life of his new family, including Khan and Pikea. A painful lesson, not to be repeated. The elder Spock would be welcome in whatever role he felt most comfortable. It was important to Jim. And good for Pikea. He swallowed and turned his attention back to Jim. "Yes, you are right." 

 Jim beamed at him, eyes crinkling at the corners, and said, “Families aren’t made only of blood.  You and Pikea, you’re my only real blood family.  Everyone else...well, we kind of chose each other...or fate did.  Hell, you could even say Nero did.”  He laughed a little at the idea of how furious Nero would be to see how well Spock’s and his lives had turned out so far.  It was well worth chortling over, considering how much the Romulan had hated them.

“But yeah, back to the subject before I changed it, you’ve barely had a moment to yourself since you had Pikea.  If you want a little time after lunch, you should feel free.  Pikea and I can nap together for awhile.  We can share Mugwump for company.”  He set aside his glass and picked up a sandwich half.  “Roast vegetables on sourdough...the things I eat for you.”

 "You do not have to eat, what I eat," Khan said, though his tone and expression held a sense of peace and satisfaction that they could share this together. "It is not a great hardship for you though, is it?" Khan attempted to tease as he reached for half of the sourdough sandwich.  The crust of the bread cracked pleasantly as Khan took his first bite, stretching out his legs in front of him so that he started to dry off in the partial shade. 

 “I didn’t pack any meat,” Jim said.  “I’m trying to be good...and I guess it would be right to bring Pikea up as a vegetarian.  As long as I can still have the french fries, I’ll try not to miss the burgers too much.”  He took a large bite of his sandwich and chewed, not half so out of sorts about the contents as he pretended.  It may only be vegetables, but they were good vegetables, and the bread was amazing.  Besides, there were other compensations, like the potato salad, made Jim safe. 

"Being vegetarian is a personal, and environmental choice I made long ago. It is not a choice I expect either you, or Pikea to maintain, unless it is something you want. I have no objection to allowing Pikea to eat whatever she wants, and for her to make her own food choices as she grows. You do not have to change for me, Jim. Or for her," Khan said, enjoying another sip of wine as they casually enjoyed the afternoon. 

“Yeah, but it is healthier,” Jim said and looked over at their baby.  “And right now, that’s all I can think about, you know?  What’s going to be best for her.”  He sighed and stared into the distance for a moment.  “Though, maybe she’ll be angry at us for not giving her a choice.  That’d suck.  Man, being a parent is hard.”  He turned his attention back to Khan and asked, “Whose idea was it to have a baby again?”

Khan was slightly taken aback by the question and blinked. Khan had wanted to keep the baby, from the moment he found out that he was pregnant. So in that regard, it had been Khan's idea. He wanted to keep the baby, with or without the support of his lover, or the crew. "Mine," Khan said, taking responsibility for Pikea, even though her inception had been unplanned and unexpected. 

 Jim laughed softly, having figured Khan might take him seriously,  and said, “I think it was an even decision, Noonien.  Neither of us expected this, but I wanted her, too.  I couldn’t think of not keeping her, once we found out you were pregnant.  I mean, I’m still terrified, but it’s a good kind of terrified.  If that makes any sense.”  He scooped some potato salad on to a plate and munched it happily, tucking it away with great enthusiasm.  “We just get to learn as we go.  I hope you can adapt to making a few mistakes.”  He shot Khan an amused smile.

 The augment had made mistakes in his long lifetime. And took it hard every time he did. "Yes, we will learn together." They were equally new to parenthood and the decisions it required. "And we will undoubtedly make mistakes. Though hopefully, nothing lasting, nothing that lingers in the mind," Khan sighed, then continued to eat his sandwich, enjoying the grilled texture to the vegetables and the slight drippings of juice and sauce held captive in the bread. 

 “So, I’m allowed to continue to eat hamburgers then...awesome.”  Jim snagged an apple and bit into it, humming at the freshness.  “Technology that keeps my apples crisp...that’s science I love.”  He stretched out even more comfortably and reached out with a bare foot to stroke along Khan’s strong right leg.  “Well, whatever mistakes we make, at least we’ll make together.  One thing I never want to fight about is our little girl.  I want to make sure we’re on the same page about her for all the important stuff.”

"Yes, Jim," Khan agreed gently, finishing off the last sip of his wine before he set the glass aside so that he could stretch out further. With his hands folded behind his head, Khan laid out on his back, head turned to the side as he watched Jim eat and nudge him with his foot. "May I ask you something?" He said after a few peaceful minutes of relaxing on the blanket in the tall grass. 

“Whatever you want,” Jim said without hesitation and sat up on his elbows to look intensely at Khan, curiosity burning.  He tried to think of what his lover might want to know in that moment, but drew a complete blank.  A little nervous, he sat up more and picked up his glass to sip some more of the wine.

"In private, may I call you husband, even though we have yet to be legally married?" Khan asked, curious if the title would be found acceptable to Jim, or if he was uncomfortable with the idea.

“Oh.  Yes.  Please.  I’d like that, Noonien.”  Jim smiled happily, nerves evaporated away.  “Would you like to talk about the wedding?  Do you have any preferences or ideas for the ceremony?”  He finished his own wine and set it aside.  “A place like this would be pretty lovely for a wedding, but we’re not ready yet.  If it were any other pairing, I’d marry us, but I think Spock can do it, if you don’t mind his officiating.”

 "Thank you," Khan said, taking one hand out from under the back of his head to lay on the blanket, palm up towards Jim. Though given permission, Khan did not use the title yet in a sentence. "I have not thought much upon the subject of ceremony. Only for our partnership, and the union of our daughter, to be legally recognized. But we can discuss it if you like. a planet such as this would indeed be ideal. It is a rich environment, without a local civilization with their own traditions and beliefs that we might unknowingly disrespect by engaging in our own ceremony. That is- I am willing to wait for a planet like this one, but I am also just as willing to have our marriage performed on the Enterprise. In any scenario, as long as you are my husband, I am happy.”

 Jim reached out and placed his hand on top of Khan’s lacing their fingers together.  “If I’m going to do this, I want to do it right,” he said.  “A nice ceremony and reception and then a honeymoon.  At least a few days to ourselves to enjoy some nuptial bliss.  I’ve already blown away one thing I thought was on my never to do list, and if I’m going to add marriage, I want to go all the way.  Except that you get to wear the white.  You look better in white than I do.  And Pikea can be the ringbearer.”  He nodded a few times decisively.  “Hell, we’ll even record the ceremony so it can be shared later with other people and we can watch it and reminisce.” 

 Khan chuckled at the notion of wearing white, thinking it culturally inappropriate for either of them to do so, since neither of them were virginal, nor were either of them being given away for some sort of settled arrangement. But they had plenty of time to discuss what either of them would be wearing, along with all the other details. "Very good, Jim," Khan said in agreement overall as he sat up and leaned in to kiss Jim lightly on the lips.  

Jim eyeballed him, before dragging him in for a longer, deeper kiss.  He stroked at the long hair and pulled it out of its tie, spilling it across Khan’s shoulders and back.  “I don’t like to think that but for the cruelty of others I wouldn’t have you in my life.  Or Pikea.  I’m one lucky fucker, Noonien, and I need to make sure I never think otherwise again.  Maybe this is our reward for the rest of the shit we’ve had to deal with in our lives.  We’ve earned some happiness.”  He kissed him again to seal the idea tightly between them.

Yes, terrible, horrific things had happened in their lives and the lives of those around them for both James T. Kirk and Khan Noonien Singh to have arrived at this point. Before he could verbally agree, Jim kissed him, so he expressed himself through lips and exchange of breath as he kissed back. Reaching up, Khan placed a hand firmly on Jim's chest, thumbing over the skin and muscle as he purred confidently. Even if trouble still lay ahead of them, which seemed likely enough, it did not look so bleak, with their loving partnership, their new daughter, and the crew of the Enterprise as their allies. 


End file.
